Make The Call, You Are Not Trapped (Episode 13)

Kyle and Kim begin Episode 13 with no predetermined topic and organically arrive at one of their most honest conversations yet.

From fear and hesitation to identity and self-belief, this conversation explores the moments where life changes direction and the realization that most people are not trapped nearly as much as they think they are.

Sometimes freedom begins with a single decision.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

It's Legacy Live. We are back. Is this episode 13?

SPEAKER_00 0:03

This is episode 13. Lucky.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

I didn't even think about this, but it's kind of fitting that this is one we're rolling with no notes and no topic.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Here we go.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

How will this work out?

SPEAKER_00 0:15

How will this go?

SPEAKER_01 0:31

And we're back. We hope you like that episode. It's over because we didn't make any notes, but we got enough shit to say. But I this is gonna be a good one. This might be the best one.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

I know.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

But isn't that power of positive thinking? Let's make this the best.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

It's gonna be the best one. And you know, I I can feel this in my belly. I can feel this like turn in my belly because vulnerability takes courage. And I know that when there's no notes, that's sometimes when the my best thinking comes in. Because I'm all I'm often just like, okay, let me make sure I say this and let me make sure I say that. Oh, is this the mic drop moment? Yeah, right. And it's like this actually just makes me feel, you know, really good. And it's like to be able to just really just channel what you want to say, which is exciting. So with the the uh topic of today, or at least the two words we've the lack thereof. The lack thereof of like substance, but we're gonna get there is make the call and you are not trapped. You're not trapped anymore. Dot dot dot.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

So now let's spend 25 trying to connect those two points.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Okay, make the call.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Make the call. So my so I I wanted to bring back the notion of like if you're feeling about I need to start something, or I have an idea, or I've got this path laid out for myself, or even I have a 10-year vision. Uh make the call for me is like, okay, let's go. Just do it, just start. And I had a client interaction, I don't know, two months ago, where the dream was put forth to me, and I was like, okay, I love that. That's my dream too. And then there was no communication about like, let's go and let's do it. Like that's your next step. Make the call. Um that's what make the call means for me. And how will the dream ever come true if you don't take the first step to get near it?

SPEAKER_00 2:23

That's powerful.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

I and I think too, at the end of the day, it's like that for me that comes back down to who are you? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you're not?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

The question from you would be then what's holding that person back from making the call?

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Yeah, and I and absolutely what's what's what's holding you back from that? But it's also that comes into play is who do you think you are? What are your beliefs? There's a lot of other things that come under the underplay of why people can't make a call. But the question I would ask as a coach is what's getting in the way of that?

SPEAKER_01 2:54

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

You know, like what's getting in the way for you of that? And then that might come up, right? Like, well, it's I'm scared, I have fear, I'm worried. What would people think of me?

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Yeah. What you know, a lot of people are very That's the shame is what will people think of me? That's the one I hate the most.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

It is all shame-rooted.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

I had I had a lot, you'd you know, I'm not uh uh I'm the perfect example. I had decades, two decades of I don't think I should do that. I don't like that for people. I know I keep saying I don't like that for other people. Yeah, but you have empathy.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

This is the light side.

unknown 3:26

God damn it.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Right? But it's true. And I, you know, one of the things as well, when you think about making the call, it's like there are decision, like making the call to me equals decision. And when you live in indecision, that is where stress, anxiety, you know, it erodes you because you're just like, should I do this? Should I do that? Should I do this? Should I do that? It's like if you're gonna make a decision to even like make peace with something, you need to go all in on that. Yeah. And then work to move it out of your orbit, right? All the flying meteorites that are like still in your orbit from the thing you're dealing with, because they will come up the less you give it energy, the the more that you will fly. The same thing with giving that, like making that call, making the decision, drawing your line in the sand. Like I've literally drawn my line in the sand 9,700 times in like today's the day I lock it in. I'm locked in. I am locking it in, right? Like, but I gosh, isn't that feel like throw you a bone? We're so it's how human of you to like re-contract with yourself, re-agreement with yourself in love every day. Like, let's go.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

You have you have a specific story and upbringing that you could let for the rest of your life get in the way of you making any call because you could say, you know what, I don't I'm not equipped. I was told I'm not equipped to make the call, so I'm not gonna make it.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

I was told that I wasn't smart enough to go to university. I was told, you know, like I just I'm I God'll never forget. I was told I I like literally heard this woman say, I have two special needs daughters. My one sister. No, I'm not kidding. My one sister does have very special needs. Her my mom, when when my mom was having Kelly, my oldest sister, there was an issue at birth. So she had brain oxygen deprivation. She has epilepsy. She's about about, you know, in the mind of a 12-year-old. She's really awesome, you know, but she is special needs. And then that I also was the second special need daughter. And I just remember being like, what the fuck? Did that just did you just like it was just this like, how can I just strip you down? How can I, how can I just dismantle you?

SPEAKER_01 5:39

We don't want this girl making calls.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Yeah, we don't want, we don't want this success. And you know, it's interesting. I have this like little smurf radio here. I need to tell you a story about this. And this comes dovetails into like, you're not trapped. And I I feel actually very like I this may be, I want to just put a little bit of a trigger warning for anybody that's experienced anything in their younger years, or you know, that involved you being maybe locked away or, you know, put away, etc. Like, so there was this like lock on the outside of my childhood door because I was not disgusting. It is disgusting. Um, and I because I was uncontrollable, apparently. You know, I lost my mom when I was a little girl, and and someone came in to replace that role, and there were a lot of emotions happening that never were really validated or honored.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

And how are you talking about this? You're fine. I'm good. I am very good with this. Okay, because this is kind of like I'm this is what you're doing with that story.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Yeah, this is what I'm doing with that. So, so from that, because I was a lot, and I'm so grateful I am.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

Yeah, Kim used to be a lot.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Like it was always a lot, I am extra, and like thank God that didn't like I could have I could have allowed this a lotness, this too muchness, this too like false narrative from to like really be stitched in me, and I didn't. And so, so I remember one time and I remember everything. Like, it's so my sisters are like, I know nothing, I don't remember anything. And I'm like, because it's because it's drama, guys. Like anyway, but we are so our my siblings and I are so close, we are we are great. Like this is coming from a very healed, whole, safe place, and I feel great. So, but I do giggle at this. So, so one time I was like locked in the room because I was being bad, and I everyone was outside having lunch, and I could I could just rip that window open and I was like, I'm gonna put, does anyone remember these? And it only played AM. I was like, I'm gonna put it on the static, and I'm gonna make it as loud as it can go, and I'm gonna irritate the window.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Which isn't very loud. This is a working.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Yeah, like I I let's see if we can turn this on. So here we go. On nothing.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Okay, but I need it by the window.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

Okay, but it needed to be by the window. So it was as loud as it can be, and I was like, I'm gonna interrupt their lunch because I was locked in this room and the only thing I was like Rapunzel. I was like, let me out of the and I was like watching them all eat their bologna sandwiches. I didn't want to be eating it.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

You really do remember.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

I didn't want to be eating it anyway, and I was like, look, I'm gonna be so annoying. And I just think about like you're not trapped. Like, you're not trapped anymore. And when I think about this, and I think about when I like tried to get my little voice out there of like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna still be loud. What are you gonna do? Lock me in for longer?

SPEAKER_01 8:26

Okay, right. Like try locking my window next time.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

You're not trapped. And that gave me freedom to remember, like, there are so many things you might have experienced maybe when you were younger, maybe now. And and those are not our like again, like that's like we're just our sharing our experience. We're just sharing our lived experience. That is all we're sharing, and that's all we can share. And what I've learned from that and learned through that is like you get to decide whether or not you are gonna be held hostage. And the full circle moment for me was actually my sister's birthday, and I haven't gone back to my family home in a really long time. And I decided I'm gonna go surprise.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

Oh, that same house is like still in your orbit.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

Yeah, so my sister lives there. Um, my oldest sister who who's who's who's can't move out right now at this point, and we're figuring that out. But anyway, so I went there and I was like, because I, you know, like there's parts that are good. Everything that was bad, there are parts that were great. And, you know, like I went back and it was really sweet. My dad was there, and my sister had a friend over, and I brought her cake, cupcake, a cake, and I brought her presents, and I was really proud of myself because I went and I didn't feel trapped. And I was like, I got this, and I'm going in as a different human, and being able to go in, not allowing anything to stick with me, is something that I'm really proud of. And that's taken a long time, but like I just have to know, and I constantly repeat this, and you should too, whether this is in business, this is in personal life, like part of our patterning and like not making the call is usually based from something else that's going on. So it's just giving yourself permission to dig into some of that. And you know, we aren't responsible for what other people did to us, but you are responsible for how you move forward, period. And that is really important. Like my kids' future and how I show up for them as a mom is determined on who I am today, not how I was raised. And I refuse to raise children that need to recover from a childhood. Yeah. I've been there and and and I refuse to build a business that needs to recover from something that I haven't healed. And that's why I'm proud to be a founder, co-founder with you, because I'm like, I've done the work. Yeah. And I will show up in your business if you haven't done the work. It'll show up in your business if you're afraid of something, if you can't make the call, like get into therapy.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Will you talk? Will you talk about the steps? What like what is everything you did? Because I don't want to just seem to gloss over that where it's like I would be like, just make the call. Like, come on, get over it.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

So, so really for me, it actually like the piece happened for me about nine years ago. So, God bless Kevin. Shout out our pal Kevin Trig. He introduced me to a really great psychiatrist. Okay. And um, Jamie, my husband, came with me. And that was the first time I've ever been seen where I was told it wasn't my fault. And that was nine years ago. So my healing started, and I have a 17-year-old. So I was a motherless mom.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

Halfway point. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

Where so trying to navigate all this, and that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I just remember like these slow tears coming down my face. Um, and he was just like, none of this was your fault. You were like raised in a pack of wolves, the strongest survived, and you are gonna like you should be divorced. This is what he said. You should be divorced, bumping coke and sipping champagne in a townhouse. And I was like, What? Okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

You're like, Well, I have a big house.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

I have a great house, and I'm married happily. Like, no, but he said, like, you should be because of like how again, like that. How that trauma was how that trauma could have shown up for you, right? So, what I did from there is I got into EMDR therapy. So I did EMDR therapy. It was so supportive. What is that? So EMDR therapy is like electronic, like eye, it's eye rapid eye movement. Oh, okay. So it was right app rapid eye movement, and it really it literally reset my brain patterns, my pathways. My pathways were reset. And it, you know, was really amazing because I did that actually like for four years prior to what happened with Jamie. So um, because of that, I was able to handle another capital T trauma better than I would have. Um, so it takes time. It took a, I took a whole team, right? Like I've got, I have an executive business coach. I've got a I who's also a therapist and a psychiatrist. Like I have a real several contractors. I have several people that have helped me get through this, as well as a lot of like reading books and you know, like really figuring that out and putting boundaries in place and having to like be the black sheep of the family for a long time back in 2022. That was like the worst, you know, it was the worst time of my life. And I feel like now the irony, honestly, Kyle, is like I'm the one who hosts all the, all the all the gatherings. I'm the one who's not trapped anymore and say, come over for Christmas, come over for dinner. Like I know there's it's dysfunction, but like, how do you thrive in that? And, you know, the reason why we felt this would be helpful to share a little bit of our past, I think you do. You see it, oh, they've got it all together, everything's great. They are so successful. Well, yeah, but like, yes, and it doesn't mean I don't struggle with like doubting my worth and making sure that I'm doing enough. And like those, and did I do enough? Or oh God, did I hurt that? But like I'm still trying to recover from that of like constantly thinking you're in trouble. I still, if someone's like, I need to talk to you, I'm like, oh my God. Oh my 45-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Like, what?

SPEAKER_00 14:02

Like, so I just want to remind anyone that might be listening like, I see you, I'm with you. We got this, you're safe. And like, you have to condition yourself to feel safe in your body before you believe you'll be safe anywhere else. You need to feel that and trust yourself and know who you are as a leader. I think that's why I love what we do so much, because like you can only ever meet someone as far as you've met yourself. And I've I've met the dark depths of the soul, you know, where I know that I have to take responsibility for what I can control and who I am as a human and what I bring forward. And it's not always perfect and it's not always easy, and it doesn't always feel great. But I like look at that Smurf Transistor radio, and I'm like, I am still gonna be that little fiery little cracker that's like, fuck you, I'm gonna do this. And yes, I can. And you know that like I've literally feel like I have so much post-secondary education and degrees and certifications and designation, and I'm grateful for that because at the beginning I was doing that in spite of, and now I know it was part of my path. Very nice, and I'm really proud of that. So you're not trapped, you gotta make the call to not be the victim, and you be the victor.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

I have no story that compares to being locked in a room as a kid.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Oh, I can still see the bolt hole. It's like it's like you walk in the door, you can see the little hole.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

Disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Right?

SPEAKER_01 15:30

But I have you know, making the call for me is the first step always in something that I can call my own that didn't involve anything from my past and is taking me in a direction that in the future I can credit myself for and kind of like bask in. We said bask in the now, where like that's my way to distance myself from anything from before. Um, because I've I'm trying to do things that are obviously for my close family now, but for me. Yeah, like it's like I'm gonna own it, I'm gonna go in that direction, and you know, sh is there stuff that would make me feel trapped? Yeah, probably. Like I my stuff was just guessing at the mood of the room. I've mentioned it before, but it doesn't compare, but it is still like an unease, I remember, and I remember that I can remember the time of my life where I was like, I have the power to just like kind of go my own direction. I love that and not rely on anything. And it took making the call pretty early. Like I was I it was back to like my first job. I had a paycheck, I moved out, I had a car, like I would I was like, oh, okay, I can do this. Like it doesn't take too much to live on your own and run your own business and not have a boss, even a boss is not nothing to do with my a parent. It was like even a boss being like, where are you at this time? I talk about that freedom in entrepreneurship is like make the call and then you never look back.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Like see, and I like to me hearing you say that, like I was so I love the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. That was a very great um book for me because I never felt like I could be out on my own until like I kind of got my footing when I was like 21, 20-ish, maybe 19.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Did that did the experience so you see how you've tied it was that experience, yeah. It literally Stockholm Syndrome. So you didn't think you could do it without that situation 100%.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

And that's so to me that's what sucks. That to me hearing you say that, I admire that. Like that actually to me shows like real tenacity, and like I got there, like I definitely got there, and like it was I was in my twins, sure I was in my 20s, but like you know, to like be that reliant in that, and that's important, I think, as we're like here. I love hearing that about you because it like tells me a lot about your that decision and that um it's the self-trust, you had self-trust, right? Like you had to have self-trust at that age to go out and do that. And I know there's a lot of people listening that had that self-trust, or I I can do this on my own, and there's other people that might still feel trapped because they're in the spell or the web or the stitching of something. And I really admire that. Like that makes me excited. And I I I will say this, like, and I've said this again, like I'm I'm so grateful, Kyle, for our partnership. And what I've like me too. Like, you know, like I really believe that the next part of my healing and expansion and evolution is like you have to you have to work with people and surround yourself with people that constantly help you to see your blind spots, but then can also make those not be those blind spots. Like you're or you can be like, oh, you're really strong in that. This is a blind spot for me, but like here's how it's gonna work so well. And it's like, I think that's the like using your voice. And I love so much how you know, you you really discern yourself. It's like, nope, I've got this opinion and I'm gonna voice it. Might not be the right thing, it might not be the wrong thing, but I'm gonna share share this. And in business, you have to be willing and brave to say that. That's making the call. Hey, I don't really necessarily agree with that. Okay, let's try and see it this way. Would that work? Yeah, you know, I do need to, I do think I can't believe I'm gonna say this on camera. Hold on, hold on. What are you gonna say? You might need a t-shirt that says you're right. And it's like, cause there's no ego in that. And I think when you can allow yourself to heal and grow and not have to feel vulnerable and open and being like, oh, I'm hey, that's okay. Like, let me hear your perspective. I'm interested in hearing your perspective. You're not trapped. But when you're like trapped in like, nope, this is the way it is, this is how I've been, this is the way it was. This is that's where you can start seeing the the idiosyncrasies.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Are you trapping you at this point?

SPEAKER_00 20:01

It's like, are you trapping you in your story because that's what feels safe and comfortable? And there's a lot of people, and I mean, we've we've really encountered this in some of the stuff that we're doing within Lumina. It's like, oh my gosh, what do I do on the other side of ease? Yeah, I'm just used to surviving in chaos. What do you mean this can be easy? What do you mean there can be joy? Hold on, there can be. Yeah, you can have that. It's like, but you have to become that person that that holds that and and creates that too.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Do you know what I always picture is like, and this I'm not trying to tie in movies or TV or anything because this is real life, is like, you know, that first day where someone gets out of jail?

SPEAKER_00 20:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

We're talking about being trapped, right? Like jail's the perfect, like yeah, because that's truly.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

I mean, I don't know what that would feel like, but I watched a movie.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

Well, that's what I mean though. Could you like that day of making the call, right?

SPEAKER_00 20:57

He made the decision to duck dig himself.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

With like your underwear and your shoes in it, and you look around and go, Okay, yeah, this is up to me. I'm not trapped anymore. What am I gonna do? And you, you know, if if you're feeling trapped, you're listening, you feel trapped. I want you to just the prison door is open. There's not a guy waiting there to be like, oh no, 1030 Wednesday is when you get out. You just like just walk across, make the call. And this doesn't have to be a business call. I'm not always trying to be like business guy in this. It's like make the call to just experience life differently and let that be a memory of 25 to life you did unjustifiably. Yeah. Whoever's responsible for it.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

And you know, it's like so interesting to use that analogy because it's like a lot of us, I'm sure, could have felt certain ways. And it's like, I also have compassion. Like we talked about compassion on one of our last podcasts, and it's like there's To be compassion, and I also got to a point when you asked what I did. I had to get to a point where I had to have compassion because people only can do what they know. And like, unless you're willing to compassion for who? Well, I have compassion for the people that did that to you. Yeah, I do. Because I'm like, you can't be a you know, like that can't be an easy life, and it's not the only problem. And it's so it's like, you know what I mean? Like, there's a real pattern and dysfunction that shows up. So if you're willing to zoom out and like actually be like, I'm gonna send love because you know, and again, I know there's gonna be people here. She goes again. No, I'm dead serious. It is the only thing that's gotten me through. Right. Like, how can I be a dutiful daughter to my father who's alive? That's the only living parent I have. And whether I get anything back from it, like I want to tell you, I want to tell you this. Like, and I think this is maybe really important for some of you that are listening. I remember waiting seven months for an apology when I called some things out. And I want to tell you that when I got the apology, it didn't make anything better. I had to make me better. And a lot of us wait the rest of your life for an apology, and you're standing at that grave. And I'm gonna tell you right now, like, there's no way I'm gonna waste 40 or 50 more years resenting someone that trapped me somewhere because that makes me trapped. So don't trap yourself. Like, don't allow, don't trap yourself with somebody else's injustices to you. You get to make the call now. You get to make the call on how you heal. You get to make the call and how you show up. You get to make the call.