Can't Coach Me! (Episode 18)

Most people think coaching is about giving advice. It isn't.

In Episode 18 of Legacy Live, Kyle and Kim explore why so many people resist being coached, especially high performers who believe they already have the answers. They unpack the difference between coaching, mentoring, consulting, and advising, and explain why asking better questions often creates bigger breakthroughs than offering better solutions.

If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "I've got this," this conversation may challenge you in the best possible way. Because growth doesn't begin when you find all the answers. It begins when you're willing to ask a different question.

Join us as we explore curiosity, humility, leadership, and the mindset that keeps the best leaders growing long after everyone else thinks they've arrived.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

It's Legacy Live. I'm your host, Kyle Hosick.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

And I'm your host, Kim Fitzpatrick.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Today our topic is called Can't Coach Me. And you'll have to stick around to figure out where we came up with that. So do you think it was me who said can't coach me or Kim who said I can't coach her or vice versa? How did this happen?

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Well, I think it, I mean, this is the one thing where I can take that t-shirt says you're right, and then you can put it on your body, and it says Kim was right.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Imagine me in that tiny t-shirt.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Yeah, I couldn't imagine imagining this. Kim was right and squashed in like the shirt like that movie.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

So Kim, Kim is a professionally certified coach by the International Coaching Federation. So spoiler alert, it's not me who's the coach. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Yes. On your way.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Well on his way.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Um, and so early on in our Lumina business, before it was even a business, I had no idea what coaching even really was.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

I'd heard of it. I met Kim. I knew she was seeking the PCC credential at that time. You were studying, you're writing an exam at some point. Right? It's really cool. And so I was intrigued.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

But I got, I'm admitting here in this podcast episode that I was like, I don't know about the whole coaching thing, but I'd be willing to hear her out on the business side of this and help build it. And I'll figure out coaching later.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Yeah, that's great. One of the things I will say that I would and why I was so excited about this and why it was so important that I was like telling you the big vision, because I think that's where Lumina is the differentiator in terms of what we offer from a marketing and a business perspective, and a component of like that continuing education, and what we're bringing in as we're like iterating it and getting actually accreditated accredited as a coach education system in the world.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

And so Lumina Legacy Institute is mine and Kim's business. It is the educational component that gets a student ready to get their certification in a nutshell.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Yeah, exactly. So we are the one, yeah. So they need to get training, they need to get mentor coaching. It really is actually teaching. The thing I like the most about this is not just another, like, and I say this with so much respect because we have a mastermind. Yeah. So it's not just another mastermind. What I mean by this is for people that want designation, certification. Think of it like a university program, think of it like a coaching program, think of it like a master program, if you will, for those that want to become executive leadership coaches. And that would be for people that are anywhere from C-suite, Fortune 500, 400, 300, 200, 100, um, to business owners, two entrepreneurs, two lawyers, doctors, et cetera. Like it's anyone, it could be stay-at-home moms as well. Depends on your market and what you're looking to do and how you want to serve. Everyone can be coached for sure. But the real impetus was we wanted to be one of the coach education institutions in the world that's certified. That was important to us. And that's just one layer of how we serve and support.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

If our product isn't good enough, we cannot get our credential and it's done.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

And our this isn't just something we went pumped up to. You can't.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

And there's so many different things. Like you need the right staff, you need the right faculty, you need the right credentials, you need someone who's been uh done their PCC. Shout out to Kelly, our director of education. She's been a PCC for six years. Like, you need clout and time within the organization.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

For me, is a total understatement.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

But I still like to go back to that moment where I was like, can't coach me. Yeah, this isn't gonna work on me. And if I step back to that, I was looking at coaching. Like, I've been to events before where that like one of our Christmas parties back in my first job, they had a hypnotist come. And and this is a terrible comparison, but a year ago I was thinking like I would sit there and the hypnotist would be doing his talking, and I would sit there and be like, This is not gonna work. Not hypnotizing me, this is stupid. Right. And then there'd be a co-worker beside me who also volunteered who was like clucking like a chicken, and I'm like, what the hell is going on? Why is this work on these people and not me? Right. And I'm thinking, I'm such a skeptic. Quickly, I came to the realization, okay, that's not at all what coaching is, but I still walked into our immersion. So our immersion is like where all of our first students came together. It's a Friday, a Saturday, a Sunday, we're all in person together, cracking open the manuals to start down the education path of like semester one. And I still was owning you can't coach me right because I think I've got it together. I don't really have problems I want to work through. And maybe this is like where I was still kind of like, is this a therapy aspect? Is it a consultancy where it's like the movie office space where the consultants come in and all the employees are like, ah shit, we got to deal with these guys that think they know better than we do, and we're living in the trenches. Um yeah, so I've come to learn a lot about coaching, and I think what this episode I think it'll is hopefully gonna open people's eyes to the true nature of coaching because I'm so much happier with coaching now that I know all the pieces of it, right? And what a powerful tool it is, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:49

And that and that's what it is, it's a tool, and I think that's the thing you know, in coaching, there's a difference between coaching and consulting. There's a difference between coaching and mentoring. I think we do lots of rules. Right. We are we can be consultants, we can be mentors, we are business strategists, we marketing, all those things. That is a huge part of what we do. Coaching is its own, I would say, gift talent practice. I love that it's called a coaching practice because all coaches are in practice to be really that best coach and that ability to hold presence and really be able to be actively listening, cultivate that trust and safety. It's different. It's not, I will teach you what I know. It is, oh, let me help you figure out you so intimately, so next level that you feel unstoppable. Yeah, and I like that.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

You know, we started in January, we're now in June. Yeah, like I've just watched all these students become completely different people and coaches, and I'm like, all right, there's a thing here. Like this, this is this is leg, this is nothing to do with a hypnotist. This is concrete, fact-based. You see the education contributing to the advancements, and the success stories of even these young coaches bringing back to us stories about how they're working with clients already, where you're like, this is really powerful.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Yeah, they're starting a business, which is great. And I think going back to that, you can't coach me. I think some of that too is like that it's just mis-education. I think a lot of times people are like, when I say, Oh, it's so funny. I was actually at at a conference for coaching um in Paris, and I'm I get there early and I'm on the elevator and there's this woman there. I I assume everyone's there for the conference. So she's there, she got her butt, like again, like a big cooler of like wine and her baguette and her cheese. It looked like a party. I was like, Oh, what room are you going to? That looks that baguette and cheese looks delicious. Anyway, she's like, What are you here for? And I said, I said, Oh, I'm here for the ICF conference. Are you here? She goes, What is that? I said, Oh, it's a coaching, it's coaching, it's the International Coaching Federation where all coaches goes, Oh, your life coaches.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

And I was like, nom, nom, nom, nom. Like, you know, like it's still that. What do you want to call that? Is that a perception? Is that a it's it's it's just like maybe there's sometimes you're helping people with their life, but there's so much more to coaching than it being like, let me fix your life. Now, is that one part of it? Absolutely. I think there's such an ecosystem of helping one person. The best analogy I can I can have as a coach is like, we are a lighthouse. Like, this is like what I love, right? I even think about this like with our kids.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Well, and we've we have an episode about lighthouse. We do.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

I mean, part of part of why we called our company Lumina was because of the lighthouse, right? It was it was really that beacon. We wanted to be that beacon. Lumina is light, luminous, right? We're really wanting to make sure people are feeling that the lighthouse in coaching means that we are this, we are steady and we are helping someone see their light by mirroring things back. Right, right. If you think about all the tugboats that are in the in the the harbor that are like trying to get where they need to go, often they'll look for the light. The light will give them direction, the light will be a compass, the light will be a map for them to be able to figure out how am I gonna charter my boat to get to that location. Right. That is essentially what that is. You know, it's like even when you think about when you're raising kids, like think about we've got teenagers now. I need to be a lighthouse with my kids. They don't want me in their tugboat. They're like, get it, they would put me overboard. But there were a time in my life where they needed to be a tugboat. When I think about tugboats, I think about that might be more of that mentoring role. That might be more of that consulting role where you might feel as a consultant, you're giving them all the answers. You might join someone's mastermind, for example, for a certain amount of money, but they're giving you their frameworks, they're giving you their philosophies, they're giving you their blueprints. Coaching is the ability to be able to help you can create your own, which is why it's sticky for most. And the success rate of our coaching clients, like they're they are, they, they I call it time collapsing. They are not even the same people. When I have a six-month client, they're like, I'm not, I'm not acting, I'm not actually, I don't even function the same.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

I am more successful, I am more wealthy, I am more happy, I am more satisfied in my relationships because everything they desire that's inside of them as a coach, you're meant to pull that out by good questions, by holding space, like yeah, like it's not us telling that because I probably would have given a definition of coaching uh nine months ago that didn't even include questions. Like in my world, I will have a lunch with someone and it's consulting, like it's they want to they want to hear from me from an experience I had before, or what's the best advice for my website or my company, right? And I'm gonna write it down, yeah, because I'm not gonna remember it because you said it.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

And isn't that like the question thing is you ask the right question and they say it so they remember it in a profound, powerful way. And that I like the comparison to being a parent, is like if you can ask your son or daughter the right question and they go, Yeah, well, here's why that would be a mistake if I did that. Right. That will that's sticky, it will stick with them and it's memorable, and it's from inside them, and that's that's the difference. Yeah, that's the difference. So, and we also had we do a call every week as part of the education, and I and on that call, it was like, we're gonna do a coaching demo, yeah. And I'm still saying at this point, I'm uncoachable, right? This is like 60 days later, 90 days later. So I said, Okay, I'll I'll come up with something I would discuss on a coaching call. And I was like, So what problems am I facing right now? Which is not necessarily how coaching calls need to go, right? They can be the misnomer. Um, but I was like, okay, I got it. And Kim coached me. And you know, I was like, gosh, our students are all watching here. I'm gonna have to really fake my way through this because you know Tell me, are you really real? Yeah, you know, I said I'm not making up that I thought I was uncoachable. And then slowly I'm answering, I'm like responding to the questioning, and then I was like, I'm not gonna use the word epiphany, but I was like, yeah, you know what? If this, if this you know, one of the questions was like, Well, how does that outcome sit with you? And I was like, I need to get good with it. And then it's the sooner I just go, if there's no way for me to change what this outcome looks like, I'll decide right now to just be cool with what it is. And then I was like, Oh shit, I just got coached.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

Yeah. And you know what is so neat about that is when all of the students in the comments were asking such good questions. Yeah. And also you could see like some of their little pit bull tech, you know, in a good way of being like standing up for me. Yeah, I want to stand up for you. That's not right, you know. That was so neat. And I think that's where the that's also where that balance between like that confidence in what you do and the ego in what you do. Like, I believe that it is so admirable for people to be coachable. Here's an example. So I've um Brendan Bouchard is a great mentor of mine. I love him. I'm actually going up to New York soon to be to be in one of his one of his masterminds. I love him. He's great. He will always bring for every speaker, he is right on the edges of the stage with a notebook. And the reason why I love hearing that, or you hear Wayne Dyer, you hear any of the greats, the the most ones that resonate with me are the ones that want to learn from other people. I think people that say you can't coach me or I won't change, are I don't want to say not worth your time. I don't ever want to say that. Yeah, be careful because I've said that.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

I know, but it's not, but it's like if there's resistance to it, it's almost impossible to do that. Exactly. That's my point, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:10

It's like, it's like a parent, for example, who's like, Well, I've been like this for seven years, I'm not changing now. I'm not, I'm gonna die.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

So, you know, and it's like the openness to receiving, yeah, because there'll be a CEO or an executive who would be like, I don't have time for coaching. Yes, but I want to reach the next level. So what like what are you trying to do to do to reach the next level then?

SPEAKER_00 14:35

And yeah, and one of the things that's so important about that, like I have I coach many CEOs, right? And VPs, etc., like really do. And a and sometimes they will come to this call and say, I don't have anything to talk about. And when that happens, I like I literally like put my fingers together like I'm Jekyll and Hyde. I'm like, perfect, this is gonna be amazing. Look what's about to unload. Cause it's like, of course, you just needed some spaciousness to actually catch a breath. Right. And to not have to be the one that's always leading, but instead to be able to be poured back into. Yeah. You know, that's one of the things that's so important. And then everything comes up. It's like, so what's one thing that's on your mind right now? And that's always the question I'd start with. Like, just so anyone that's listening, that's a good question.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

Like, even if you just want to journal or, you know, it's like no, even if you're driving with your kid who's in shotgun, it's a great old 100%. What's on your mind?

SPEAKER_00 15:30

What's been on your mind this week?

SPEAKER_01 15:31

It's too easy to be like, how was school?

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Yeah. What yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Where it's like, oh, you want me to talk about school? It was just at school for us, you know. Yeah. What's on your mind? What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah, what's on your mind? How did like what went what what unfolded for you today? Anything worth chatting about?

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Let them see about this sort of resourcefulness of they get to choose the direction. 100%. I love that part of it.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

I mean too. And I think it's super interesting. The other thing that I really love about coaching that I think is so it's so important, it's almost sacred. It's that as the coach, this is why I think we're loving the experience of Lumina and bringing our cohort through and seeing their change, because they're like, this isn't just an education. They're like, this is like a full-blown like identity transformation. Because as a coach, you also need to learn how to master yourself. Like, I have become a better parent, I have become a better spouse, I become a better business partner, I become a better friend and sister because I just am really working on presence and being in the moment. And coaching teaches you that. I think a lot of people perform their way through life. And you can't outperform. I love what you said. You're like, oh, I better fake it through this one. And then you're right, right? How would that have felt when you're like brutal? Okay, yeah. Like, so it's like there's the that's the nitty-gritty of like, oh, this is so good, you know, or like you're away in community with someone, and a lot of it's so surface, but it like doesn't have to be. Doesn't have to be.