The Perfect Distance (Episode 20)

Sometimes, the fastest way to change your day is to zoom out. Kyle and Kim explore perspective, why proximity can distort the size of our problems and how finding a little distance can change the way we see what’s right in front of us. The sun is where it’s supposed to be. The moon is where it’s supposed to be. Sometimes, you just need to find the perfect distance.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's Legacy Live. We are back with another episode. I'm your host, Kyle Hossick.

SPEAKER_02 0:04

And I'm your host, Kim Fitzpatrick.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

And today we're talking about the perfect distance. What the heck does that mean? Um, you know, at my home office, I have to walk out of my office, into the backyard, turn a corner, and then enter the studio. And one night, like, we certainly don't want this to be too woo-woo, but one night the crescent moon was just like hanging in the perfect spot, just a sliver of light, and I came out. Normally I'm flying out of there, being like memory cards, batteries, like I'm just in my head. And I stopped and looked and was like, that's so perfect. And it made me think, because we always have to be coming up with podcast topics, it's part of our homework every month. It made me go, could you imagine if that moon was two kilometers the other direction and like nothing worked with the tides or the oceans? And then, like, what if the sun was five kilometers? I don't know the actual math here, but it's probably 150 kilometers. If the sun was too close, we would all burn.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Like right here, right now, it's like 40 degrees Celsius in Canada. So imagine the sun was two kilometers closer and it got to 50 or 60. The sun is at the perfect distance to create conditions for life to exist, the water's the perfect temperature. We have seasons that happen because of the way it's perfect. And why is this a podcast topic? Uh, because a lot of people I find find a reason to go negative as soon as they get out of bed. It's like, what's wrong in my life? What's wrong in my business? How come my customers aren't buying more for me? And there's like so much that the universe has already set you up. They've set up your day in a way that you can't stop to imagine. And I think this topic is take some time, stop to imagine it, and picture what could actually go wrong by definition. Like, what do you think the definition of going wrong is when so much has already gone right every morning for hundreds of years, millions.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

I think one of the I see this this stuff fascinates me. And if you put geography or the uh axis of any star or moon, I you'll you'll be like, oh, she does not know any of that. So I but I do love when you said I just don't want to make this too woo-woo. But I think we need to have a little bit of woo and belief, and maybe it's faith for you, right? When you think about universe, God, whatever that is for you. But I like the concept and the idea that what if it is already going exactly the way it's meant to? Right. Even if it feels like it's a shitstorm of a day, why is that unfolding for you?

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

And we're so busy talking about why this shit's not happening that we, you know, I had a message today where someone was like, again, she was like, Is it am I the problem? Am I the problem? And I actually asked back, do you really think you're the problem? Like, is that really what it is? Because you're right about people can wake up negative, they can wake up thinking, I'm already behind.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Right.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

I felt that for sure. And I it's a slippery slope where you can easily be like, I'm not enough. I'm so far behind. We haven't done this yet. You check me on that sometimes, right? Where you're like, okay, but so we've done 19 of these things, and the one thing that I'm kind of ruminating on is actually what takes up more of the energy. And as soon as we work through that, there's peace there. Yeah, so yeah, 100%. Like it's like a breath of like, so to your point in your question of like we wake up negative. So for those of you that are listening, for those of you that are watching, how do you wake up each morning? Yeah, that's our first question for you.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Well, and also, you know what? Put it in perspective. Because if that sun came that closer distance or even further away where we all freeze and the whole thing is over, like probably around noon, someone would be like, What's what are a couple things you would change about your day so far? Right. And you would mention something that's like so inconsequential that you're like, This really pissed me off. But if that sun came a hundred kilometers closer, you'd be begging to put it back, put it back, make it right again. And you gotta use that in the back of your mind, like, you know what, I don't have to ask for that. Everything is off on the right foot and fortunate, and the conditions are here for me to kick ass today. The universe has laid it out and given me the perfect runway to not sit here thinking everything's against me. You really think anything's against you if you got another chance this morning and you're gonna have another chance tomorrow. How could you ever think something's against you?

SPEAKER_02 5:03

I love that. And and I think part of this too is really about the process. It's how invested are you in the process versus the outcome? Because if you feel like I'm not far enough along, you're just you're so you're so in the future, you're not even living where your feet are planted.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

And if you can take a moment to ground yourself, and that's one of the things we work really hard on is presence. It's having our own awareness. How are how intuitive are you with yourself? And if you can give yourself though that permission each day, and I it's a reminder, like, you know, gratitude and anxiety, they can't exist. Gratitude and panic can't coexist. You know, um, identity and if you have a strong identity about who you are and what you know, then you move and you move actually better than half the population because that's your that's your, I would say that's like a secret weapon for you to know that all is good, everything is everything that has to happen. Every if you're relying so much on the external rather than the internal, you are going to always feel like things are a little bit off or like that axis is a little bit off. But it to your point, it's like, what if you believe that the sun is exactly the way it's meant to be, that moon is exactly the way it's meant to be, which it is, yeah, and we allow ourselves to have faith in that. Yeah, what would happen differently in your life if we actually acted like that?

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Whenever I was using a reframe where I'd have a shit storm and I would go, take a deep breath, both your kids are healthy, and yeah, like now. I took this one back even further where I'm like, it's the same reframe where you go, take a pause, the sun's where it's supposed to be, the moon's where it's supposed to be, check yourself. Like you owe it to yourself to get out of this mindset right now. And these are two easy ways that I just go, yeah, all is good. It's I'm not worried about money or bills or finances or customers or invoice timing and shit like that. If that's in your way, I don't like that for you. I want you to find a way to get it out of your way because it really doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

And and one of the ways to do that, so and clarity is so important. We've talked about this many times across, it's really a threat across all of our podcasts, right? Where and our messaging and even how what Kyle and I teach, whether it be on the league or whether it's in our coaching program, it's really about knowing yourself.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Totally.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

And part of this is like the ability for you, for example, to be able to zoom out of your life, be like, hold on, let me gain some deep perspective here.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Like everything's I'm able to do that in a hurry. Yeah. Like I can just go, nope, and then change.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

And do you think that that's from practice?

SPEAKER_00 7:52

I think it's from knowing the gravity of the thing that I choose to focus on the positive stuff. I don't I don't I don't think it's practice, but could be. But it's all like I spent a lot of time as the person who wasn't focused on the right thing. Right. So I think it's like I don't like feeling that way. And if I have a tool to make me not, I can use it quickly every time. Like it's like taking an Advil if you have a headache. Like, why wait a couple hours and see if it goes away? My my the reframe is I'm gonna do that right now.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

Well, I think another so one thing that really helps when we're talking about tools and a reframe for you is I like to split my day into four quarters. So if I feel like I've like maybe sh, you know, shit the bed in the first in the first quarter, which would be like 5 a.m. to nine, well, I've got from nine to twelve. I've got from four, I've got from four to eight, and then I'd like to shut down by the end of the day, right? But you have all these times. So the where you can catch yourself and be more present within the moments rather than getting to the end of the day, being like, what did I do today? And I'm sure any of like we can experience that. We've definitely been experiencing that, like fire hose. But if you consciously pause and you see that, okay, it's 10 o'clock, set a reminder. So I set reminders in my calendar that just say, you know, hey, drop in, right? Like, what are you focusing on? What are you proud of? And what have you moved the needle on to so far today? And I have that in four different spots, and all it is is a checkpoint, right? And and then the other point I have in, and this is on um about three times a day, just on like this little calendar reminder, is that presence and patience. And I just have and so it's not telling me anything, it just comes up on my watch and all it says is presence and patience. Presence and patience. So that might be a different word for you, that might be a different word for you. But what is that word? What is that um that drop-in? What is something that's gonna actually bring you back from the sky? Is not falling, you're not dying, everything's okay, it's exactly the way it's meant to be. How are you going to regulate yourself? Because that's a nervous system regulation and that's a tool that you can have right away. And we need to teach our kids this, we need to teach ourselves this. And if we don't know how to regulate ourselves and calm ourselves down, it's gonna be a stressful every day. Will be stressful.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Yeah. Uh, I use these tiny models of consistency that I actually regret saying that's what I think of as consistency, because talk about more what's more consistent than all of these things we're talking about. That's true. Day after day after day, no change, hopefully. And like there's a model of consistency, like where you can get that's really good at doing one thing for one planet, you know? And that I look to that also.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

You know, the other thing is while I look to, and this is important, is that sometimes you will outgrow some versions of you, and you need to catch up with where you're going next. So if you notice that, say, for example, you are waking up and you aren't happy with that routine or you're putting that off or you're procrastinating, that's a really important time for you to be like, hold on, what why am I why am I getting in the way of this? Like, have I changed? Am I up leveling? And this is a way, even whether it be in your business, whether that be in your personal life, like really checking in with yourself, really anchoring in on that. Because for me, like, I'm not the same person I was even a year ago. Literally. Like, I'm I'm totally dialed in and locked into my, I'm gonna say it, my habits, my rhythms at a different level because what we're building requires me up here. I'm I'm about here. I'm I get I'm climbing the mountains, but like too close to the sun. I've got a long way to go, but that got me excited. I think if it came into you, I'm like, guess what? Not that Kyle gives two shits about this, but he acted that he cared. What are you talking about? I'm just joking, but you didn't matter that I got wrestled awake with almost almost almost.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

I guess you should be specific so I know whether I did care or I got rustled awake with no alarm.

SPEAKER_02 12:04

That doesn't matter. That was just me being like, guess what? I woke up before my alarm today, and you're just like, great, you know, but that was more for me being like proud of that and excited about that. That was at like 8 45. So at 5 45, I was awake and I checked in with myself. If you are around me long enough, you know I like to repeat myself a lot and tell you what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

Because that's a bit of self-soothing for me throughout the day. Like if you know my husband, he'll say, you know, Kim, yeah, Kim will just tell you all day long, all the things. Oh, I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that. And he's like, after a while, I kind of realized, oh, she's not, she's not telling this for me.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

Oh, she's telling this for her. Now, I could probably use being doing that inside, like an internal. Yeah, I could use it. You're allowed to do that. I could do an inside voice. Like in the case.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Kind of an oxymoron, being that we're on a podcast.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

No, but it's like, and I just want to share the awareness of that with you that like uh sometimes my kids will be like, Mom, who are you talking to? I'm like, me, like, and I'm teaching them like that's the only way I get through my days. Like, it's life is hard. And I think as long as we realize, like, you know, like life, and I love the um that saying of like there's imperfect circumstances, but you know, just because you can either say this is hard or I can't move forward from here, right? And there's a difference there. What's your perspective on that?

SPEAKER_00 13:25

It's funny because the inner inner dialogue you're talking about, like I'll get caught at home. Like, if I'm in the hot tub, you can see it from our kitchen sink, right? And they'll be like, Who are you talking to out there? Because my lips move a little bit. No, I'm like revealing too much about myself. Because I like literally will have a conversation and be like, How's this gonna go? And then and I'm and my lips are moving, and they're inside, my family's inside being like, He's crazy. But that's my inner dialogue. What did you ask my perspective on though?

SPEAKER_02 13:57

Okay, so when we can think about you hear people say, like, okay, this is hard. Yeah, and then in the same breath, they're like, Well, I don't know how to move forward from here, or I'm stuck, or you know, what do I do? And it really requires, like, what do you think that requires when people are sitting like this is there's the difference between this is hard and I can't move forward from here.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

I so my thoughts on this is hard is breaking everything down into smaller pieces right away to go, what's an easy thing I can do that even on the surface looks like I'm moving in the right direction.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

And then I go, what are two easy things I could do? What are three? And then by the time you've done three of the easy things, you've actually accomplished a quarter of the difficulty in the whole task.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

And then I would break it down even further if I'm still stuck. Like, and I'm I'm I'm the guy who's always like, send one email to ask somebody something. You owe that to yourself. Sit down, send it. Yeah, and that's breaking down the difficult for me. Um, how that relates to the son's position, I'm not sure. But it's you know what, we're full of good tips here.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

I I I love this analogy of we confuse imperfect lives with impossible circumstances, you know, and it's like our life isn't meant to be perfect, nothing, even though I know that kind of is like a contradiction to what we're saying of like, well, the sun's there, so life's perfect. Well, just because the sun's here doesn't mean that it might get a little, it's a freaking hot day. Yeah, for example. So how do you deal with the heat, for example, you know, or extreme cold? Those are the it's a condition.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

These are conditions, yes. The science people call that the Goldil Goldilocks zone because if you remember the three bears, it's like this bed's too hard, this bed's too soft, this bed's just right. Right. So it's perfect because it's just right. It's right, the sun's the you know, we're back to the distance and the thing. Some days are gonna be cold, yeah, and that means it's still perfect. You know, I let's not get into climate change and like how hot it's getting, because yeah, you know, there's a thing there, but in terms of that Goldilocks zone, it's like the reframe we've talked about before where stop, because this could be your Goldilocks zone that you think I need more money, I need more time, I need more vacations. That's like being like, I don't like the cold, so I'm gonna bring the sun closer right now. I I don't like winter, so I'm gonna bring the sun closer selfishly, yeah, and risk everything else because you can't just be cool with where you are. Right? So you have your own Goldilocks zone, which is like chill out. I'm I don't know why I'm using all these temperature.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

I know, but I really think I want that to, I really wonder if that lands with any of you listening.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

What you just I hope it does.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

Yeah, that was really profound. Like that's really important to be considering.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

Right? It it's a kind of like click where we talked about just this is gonna be easy for me now if I just fast forward this. If in the dead of winter in Toronto, you someone goes, you know what, we're moving the sun closer. I can't deal with this anymore. And you fuck everything up.

SPEAKER_02 17:27

Yep, that's true. And that's such a good perspective of how are you actually learning how to and to master the what feels like hard conditions, they're not impossible.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

And that goes back to that, no, this is hard. There's a difference between someone say, because we people have financial strain. We end pre now more than ever. There's financial stuff, there's loss, there's grief, there's people walk through hard shit. We both have walked through our own stuff personally and uniquely, like uh in our own way, in our with our own families. And so that doesn't discount that hard things aren't happening. No one's saying that. The difference is that, and I love this idea is like you're not unique to experiencing what you're experiencing. Other people have too. Like, here's an example. I remember when, you know, I saved literally saved my husband's life with CPR. Okay. Eight minutes. And I was like, I'm not the first person that's done that.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

No.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

I'm not. I'm not the only person that's done that. I'm not the first person that's done that. I'm not the first person who's lost a parent to cancer. I'm not. I it doesn't mean I'm not special.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

No.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

But gosh, the perspective that gave me took me out of victim, put me into if they can survive this, I can too. And I'm gonna need to figure out how you did that so that I can thrive too. Or I'll stay here.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

Because it's kind of cozy when you're in it's comfortable sometimes. And you can live there. You can dabble back to like, oh, I wish the sun was a little closer. I wish this didn't happen. But you're right. If if the theme of events that didn't happen, so say, for example, you know, say my mom didn't die, hypothetically, right? I don't know who I would be today. Right. I don't, my sister wouldn't have been here if my best friend, Tiffany.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Love you, right?

SPEAKER_02 19:06

Those beautiful babies. Like, again, all it's just like what you said. It's like if you're in the heart of winter, you move the sun forward, you're right. What would happen? Like it's kind of this is like a big, it's like getting me all up inside because it's a really deep discussion that's deeper than probably maybe what you might hear the first time. Like, listen to this podcast a second time because it's like really thinking about that deeper level, going deeper. Like if we actually move the sun, if you actually move the moon, and you can relate that to anything in your life, you just want to be done faster, you don't want to deal with this, you don't want to go through what'd be easier right now if I do this. Yeah, and you know, like we've all had your bank account is low. So take a screenshot of that and commit to it never being that again. And then where do you go from there?

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Your story with Jamie, like he's here, so it's easy for you to reframe something in a hurry. I said, My kids, they're here, they're healthy. It's easy for me to reframe. There'll be some people out there who'd be like, I'm not married, I don't have kids. What's my way to reframe any of this? And it's this yeah the sun, the moon, the distances. Every morning you're waking up. This is your way to go. Okay, we are right, right. Everything's laid out for me perfectly.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

Yeah, what about the what do you think about this? That's that notion of stop waiting for a sign. I I mean, I like shiny shines, signs. I love shiny signs, but what if we didn't need to wait for the shiny sign?

SPEAKER_00 20:33

Uh sometimes I ignore signs completely. Tell me more. Sometimes I have you have to follow the signs, but other like I like making my own signs sometime that are like I can set my own speed limit. And some days I want the speed limit to be zero, which means sit down, relax, look at everything, check yourself, take the time to have your lips moving in the hot tub because you're just talking to yourself. But then other, you know, this this gets back to like what's a perfect day, and like what's the balance of a week, and not every day is going to be a breakthrough. Like, could you imagine trying to deal with 365 breakthroughs in a year? You'd just be exhausted, and you'd be like, what even is a breakthrough? Right. Right. So I like planning for a breakthrough three months from now. And then just do the put my sign, hang up a sign that says closed for five minutes, come back in five. You know, those stores that'll just be like, you know what, I'm not selling anything, I'm not working on anything. That's a great sign.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

And I wonder too, like how it's so interesting because it's like sometimes people want more confidence. They want to be further along, they want to be, but what if it is just knowing that if you right now, in this moment today, you have Have the ability to anchor in on yourself and ask yourself, what do I need?

SPEAKER_00 22:06

And sometimes it's perfect. Because it's all here now.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

What do I need right now? And that could be out of office for five minutes. That could be, you know, I've often said to you, I'm like, my best way to reset. Like, I don't crave seven-day vacations anymore. I my favorite thing is either a family date night or a date night with Jamie where I can just be like, and I think I've told you this, and like, I just need seven hours. If I date night, go to bed, I'm gonna be amazing. Right. Because that's almost what it like enough, if you will. Because if you have to think of it being this huge thing that I need this, and then I get on an airplane, I have to do this, you'll never feel like you're relaxed if you can't relax within your own self or within your own rhythm or within your own home. And that's part of it, right? It's like stop waiting for an outside condition or an outside mood or an outside characteristic. How do you create that inside, right? Because again, the sun is already perfectly done. The moon is there.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Like, just think about for think for one second. If you suddenly couldn't breathe, what would your biggest problem be? There was no air, suddenly no air. What how would you prioritize your list? If we had two minutes left, and I said, What's going on? What's on your mind? And we were going to do a coaching session, everyone would go, no one can breathe right now. We have an atmosphere around the planet, oxygen is here. Like, we can keep going through the list of what's perfect and has set you up for success today.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

So, one of the things we love to talk about when you know, when we talk about, we've said this multiple times, like, right? The sun sets in the west, right? So it's this willingness of what you will do today. So, what is an action that you can do today? What is something that you will root yourself in today?

SPEAKER_00 23:50

You know, well, now that you're thinking this way, like, could you have a breakthrough today? Maybe, right? Like, I we hope you're sitting here either listening or watching and thinking, interesting. I have, you know, I'm guilty of not having stopped to look at things this way.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

Because since I I keep my little notes on a half piece of paper where I'm like, that could be a podcast topic. And like since I wrote it down, I've been thinking more that way. And I've been noticed, I've been opening my office door and being like, where is the moon right now? And I take a look and I take a minute. And you said grounding yourself. I know that can mean like take your shoes off and like run in grass and stuff. I don't do that. But I when I walk into the backyard, I kind of go like, okay, so the moon is right there. Even no matter, it doesn't matter the time of day. You know, when you can see it at 11 in the morning and you're like, oh, I see you over there. And I stop. I have been stopping. And I think that's helping me.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

I love that. And that's that's our one thing we want to leave you with. What will help you, right? For Kyle, I love that. And that that's relatively new for Kyle of that awareness, right? And so it means that at any point we can have a new awareness that aligns with who you are today.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

It doesn't have to be who you were before. Exactly. It could be something that's going to ground you moving forward. But that awareness, that taking the time to actually appreciate and open your eyes, that is everything.