My Husband is Cheating With AI...

Bryce & Manda from Porterhouse Video talk about Private Ceremonies and why they might be better than public ceremonies, Whether or not cheating with AI is a good thing, and a photographer who might be getting bullied too much on Facebook.

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00:00 - Intro 
00:39 - Where have we been?
05:18 - Are Private Ceremonies the new thing?
24:47 - My Husband is chatting with AI Bots!
41:08 - A Bad Review of a photographer!


Looking for wedding video? Check out our Wedding Videography at www.porterhousevideo.com
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You can find more of our full films on Vimeo! https://vimeo.com/user130815851

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey lovebirds, welcome to For Better or Worse, a podcast where we talk about everything weddings, vendors, and love. Amanda.

SPEAKER_03 0:06

I'm Bryce, and we're two wedding videographers in Rochester, New York. Today we're gonna be talking about a bunch of different things. We're gonna catch you up on, you know, why we've been gone for a little bit. Definitely our first episode in a long time.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

So it's been a it's been a long time, but it hasn't been as consistent as it usually is.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

No, it hasn't been.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

But we're back, baby. Yeah, yeah. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. I really don't know what we're gonna talk about today, but I know you have something and I have something, and I think we're just gonna dive in.

SPEAKER_03 0:35

Yes, I think that works.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Are you married?

SPEAKER_03 0:39

So you wanted to start off the episode talking about something. What was it?

SPEAKER_02 0:43

I don't like how you're just diving right into this. It's been a little bit since we've done this. Like, buy me some dinner first before you just automatically dive into this. Like, let's take a second and just talk about what we've been up to because you can't just be like, tell me something. Like, we have to reacquaint ourselves with our audience. I'm Bryce. Lovely to meet you. I'm married. I'm married. I'm married.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Um hi, we've missed you all.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

Yeah, it's been it's been a minute since we've been since we've been, you know, doing this, but we have been crazy booking weddings.

SPEAKER_04 1:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

We've been working on some other projects and stuff, and we just wanted to make sure that all of those were taken care of before we sat down to do this. And even though we want this to become a full, full-time thing, we have to be able to support ourselves and make sure that we can function and our kids are doing what they need to do.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

It's a crazy world, and everything's expensive.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

That is an absolute understatement. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, think about it. We have been busy almost every single day for the past two, three weeks. Yeah. We've been traveling and visiting people, and our kids are involved in so many activities. It's the end of the year. Dance recitals are coming up. So many school activities are going on. Like it's it's been crazy busy.

SPEAKER_03 2:03

It's been nuts. It's been nuts.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Speak to that, Bryce. What have you been doing?

SPEAKER_03 2:07

Tell us about that. My gourd. I've been losing my gourd trying to find it. Make us money. No, I'm talking about extracurriculars. Like, what have you been? I've been coaching a girls' softball team. That's been awesome. Uh, 10U girl softball that our daughter's on. Yeah, it's not just it's not just because our daughter's on it's like I just like picked the random school softball team and started coaching it. No, I um um our daughter's on it, and it's been great. It's been a great year coaching, you know. Sometimes because I grew up doing video stuff only as like my like main thing. Like I played sports and stuff, but and did musicals and stuff like that. I was a theater kid. You also worked at the apple shed. I did, uh I worked at the apple shed. Did you know that? Um I um I never thought like I had something else that I was like good at. And w when you become an adult, obviously you kind of like center lane into one thing, right? And unfortunately, my center lane thing has been the same thing I've been doing since I was like 10, which is making videos. Um, so I never felt like I was any good at anything else. Um until I started coaching. Yeah, until I started coaching, I'm like, holy shit, I'm actually like pretty good at coaching. I think so. Um I really, really enjoy it. I started coaching T ball with my son's team last year and really, really enjoyed it. And now I've moved on.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Not mine.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

It's both of our sons.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Oh, it's our son. Our son.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

And uh, when I go talk to my dad, so that's been that's been what I've been up to. Um yeah, go go softball. Lots of fun.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

It has definitely been a every single night, it's a hurry up, we gotta get to practice, hurry up, we gotta game. It's been it's been, I'm not gonna lie though, it's been fun though, because even though our activity that we like doing around here, which is this, we're not able to do it. I'm still able to like still gotta do hair and makeup for our daughter. I still gotta make sure that our son has all of his props that he needs for when he's at a game and doing whatever. So I feel like I'm still getting that like need fed, but like, man, I have missed doing this. I'm very glad we're sitting back down.

SPEAKER_03 4:30

And we're doing it on like the day that we want to do it, which is Thursday. It is.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

We usually do like to film on Thursday so we can release on Monday. Yeah. So fingers crossed that you're listening to this on a Monday, yeah, that it was supposed to come out at.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

Ooh.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Be so nice. You know, this was especially if you and I'm gonna leave it for like ring the bell so you can get notified. Like, I'll we'll do like a punch in there, right? Like, look at me. I'm trying to do this.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Really, really smooth in that, I promise. Ring the bell notification, subscribe to our channel.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

Mondays are fun days.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

Hopefully, we get podcast episodes out then.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

That that's the hope.

SPEAKER_03 5:07

All right, okay. Bye. I mean, no, don't leave. Keep watching, keep listening.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Oh, now I feel like I'm ready. I've officially burped on my microphone.

SPEAKER_03 5:16

So, back to what we started with. You have something that you want to talk about and discuss on the podcast. What is it?

SPEAKER_02 5:24

So, like I said, we were uh traveling to, you know, out of state for a bit, and we were just going to visit my family. But I was talking to my brother about, you know, he's like, How's everything going? And I was talking about weddings and stuff that we've been seeing. And he said that, you know, whenever he gets married, he likes the idea of doing a very intimate ceremony and then like a big reception. And I was like, that actually is not very far off from like what we did or no, no, so we we had an intimate ceremony because we decided three days before we wanted to get married that we were gonna get married, if you recall.

SPEAKER_03 6:06

The definition of getting hitched.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

Literally, we were just like, hey, how about we do it on this day? Okay, let's do it, let's make it happen. And we did.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

And we told my grandparents and we told our parents, and then we were like, If you can come, you can come.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Yeah, and then we went to go see Star Wars. Uh, but just so weird. It's so weird to think about. But no, that's not what he meant. He was like, No, we're still gonna have everything like all in one day, but only a small group of people will be invited to the marriage ceremony itself. And it got me thinking of how a lot of the time we're seeing kind of the beginning of this trend with private vow readings at first looks. You know what I mean? Like we've we've talked about that before, where should you do a first look, should you not? What what are our opinions on it? But the idea of doing a fully intimate private ceremony is not something that we've ever really it's not something that we've ever really experienced.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

So what I'm what I'm discerning, you mean like it's a normal wedding day, all contained in one day.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

All contained in one day. You get you get ready with your people, you have a ceremony, you have family photos, you have the reception, and everything runs the same.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

But the ceremony part is private. You, your partner, and who you choose. Who you choose as witnesses, so like your parents, whoever you want to do. Like getting an elopement, like a like a not necessarily eloped, but it's it's an actual like ceremony has an officiant, but they're not officiant, they're like they're just your marriage yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

No, no, it's still you still have somebody officiate your wedding, but it the only way that I can equate it that I know you'll understand is come to the wake from this time, then there'll be a ser there'll come to the funeral home for the wake, then there will be a mass, and then private burial for family only. So, like, unless you were specifically invited to the uh church or to the you know place that they are deciding to marry each other, you don't get to attend that. We'll see you at the reception when we do our entrances.

SPEAKER_03 8:30

That's that's interesting, and I I kind of I dig it a lot. I think nowadays weddings have evolved into the personal moments, and the personal moments are way smaller and way more private, right? It's either the most personalized moments or the party. And the party involves as many people as you want. And if we're starting to move the ceremonies to more of a privatized thing, that's actually pretty dope. I think that that could be something a lot of people could go for.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

I don't I don't hate it because when I started thinking about it, you know, nobody was there for your first kiss, your first date, nobody was sitting there watching that moment. The f you know, when you guys moved in together, were all of these people there helping you, watching you put your dishes away? You know, like were they there when you decided to adopt a pet together? What if that's something that you do not want people to be uh witnessing, to be watching, to be, you know, gawking at, some people might feel, then heck yeah. You know, there are so many people who are like, I don't think I can do this. There's so many people watching me, and it's like you didn't have to. You didn't have to, you don't have to have some group of people to make your marriage official. Yeah, you need you, your partner, and somebody say in the spells to make it happen.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

Yeah, you know, melanoma.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Exactly. Literally, you don't you literally don't need anything more than just do you, do you? All right, I sign off on it. Yeah, you both are consenting adults.

SPEAKER_03 10:15

Especially like like you don't need the vow part anymore. There's there's legal parts to weddings, like you can do anything you want for a wedding. It's just do you consent? If you are if you are getting married in your state, you have to like recognize or whatever, and you can do that before you even have your ceremony thing.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

So we've had a whole bunch of couples that are like, we've been married for three months.

SPEAKER_03 10:34

Yeah, like this is or longer, you know. Yeah. Um, I mean, we were married for two years before we got we had our wedding.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Yeah, it was literally on our two year anniversary.

SPEAKER_03 10:43

So, you know, it's weird, right? So weird. So strange. Um, I remember that like it was yesterday. No. I think I think that nowadays that would be such a good evolution of the wedding day. Um, and I'm really honestly racking my brain as to why that would not be a good idea. I understand like the biggest one that comes to mind for me is like the headache you would get from family members. Whoa, call down there, Jeffro. Um the the um headache you would get from hearing about it, or the heartache you would have to, you know, give out to people by telling them the ceremony's private. The actual like getting married part is private. Like, you know.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

How is that any different from people that are like, hey, we eloped in Montana, but we're doing a big party in two months to celebrate it?

SPEAKER_03 11:49

Yeah, it's there's no difference in my mind. A lot of people do that prank where there'll be like, you know, a little secret before I you know I announce them husband and wife is that they've already been husband and wife since this date, and blah blah blah, and and yada yada yada. I think like the element of surprise is what covers up anybody being like, oh damn, I wasn't there for that. That's you know, well, they're like, oh, it was like a thing. But if you're like, sorry, Aunt Susie, nobody's allowed at our wedding, you know, the ceremony part, but you're welcome at the reception. I can imagine some people flipping out about that. What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 12:29

I f here's the thing though, I feel like everybody's always got something to say about something anyway. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm noticing honestly, more and more couples are like, no, let's just do this real quick. Like, don't don't announce it. Like they do the private first look and read vows. A lot of the time, like you'll even see during the ceremony, it's real quick because couples, I'm so sorry. A lot of the time it's real quick because couples don't want to be up there that long because they're like, let's just move on. Yeah, and then we move away to family photos really quick, and then bridal party photos really quick, and then it goes into the first dance and then speeches, and once again, couples are kind of like by themselves. Like, I feel like the more it can be focused about love and just the two of you, does it really matter if Aunt Susie's there or not? Like, does that affect your love story?

SPEAKER_03 13:31

No, no, it doesn't, and I mean it could be your first hardship as a couple, honestly. As a married couple.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

I'd be like, if you're like, yeah, it's just our bridal party and our parents and grandparents, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 13:44

Ugh.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

You know, like some people. The idea of that actually makes sense to me because think about what if you did a destination wedding?

SPEAKER_03 13:51

I'm picturing, yeah, it's very simple. It's no different to me. And nowadays, like having video, having photo, having content creators, having DJs is imperative, right? A lot of people would like they would skimp out and get married behind a pizza hut in order to have those four things. And yeah, they um a lot like a lot of content creators, a lot of videographers, a lot of photographers are all inclusive on the day, kind of moving away from like the hourly thing and and more. We're just here for it. We're just here for it. So, like whoever doesn't get to see it, if you pick the correct vendors, um, they'll get to see it in the way that it felt, you know, and the way that it was filmed. Yeah. The way that it was photographed, the vibe of it. Now don't get it. Can I imagine just before I before because it just it's it's stuck in my head? A first look. You know how they do like first look private vows?

SPEAKER_04 14:48

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

A first look like that's orchestrated by the officiant into the wedding, into their vows. So it's it's like they both are seeing each other for the first time, having that emotion, and going into like, all right, we're getting married. Oh, dude, I could cry just thinking about it. That would be so goddamn cute.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

So, like, that's kind of what the walk down the aisle is supposed to be. Right. But I think part of the problem is I'm being watched. There's cameras pointed at me. Like someone's leaning out in the aisle. There's cell phones. I said it was an unplugged ser and it takes away from it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, there's a lot of things and a lot of details that couples and their families put into their day that all it takes is one kid to just, I mean, insert that clip right here of that TikTok I sent you of them trying to do the flower exit, and the uncle's literally ripping flowers out of set, like out of what was supposed to be centerpieces later. Do you know what it like? It just takes one small thing to have you go.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Why did he do it? And then you're talking about it through whatever, like you're thinking about it the whole time and not focusing on it. The whole time. And then you look back at your photos and you remember what happened right before that.

SPEAKER_03 16:04

And I did not think of a single thing that's like a negative about having it in a private ceremony.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

No matter what, I feel like you're gonna get grief from some random family member, or you're gonna hear from your mom. Well, we have to have her there. She was our neighbor in 87. Like, it's you're gonna hear that seeing your mom. Well, we all know we all know that you're gluten-free, but nobody likes the way gluten-free cake tastes. So can't you just have a tummy ache for an hour? Yeah, you know, like you're gonna hear these kinds of things no matter what. Well, can't I bring my three children? They're really well behaved, even though they never have been. Like, you're always gonna get that grief.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

So you might as well named after brands. This is Tyson, this is Jameson, this is Jameson.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

This is Oshkosh. Like, I feel like if you like you're like I said, you're already gonna be getting grief about it. Might as well use it for something really important.

SPEAKER_04 17:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

You know, like if you're like, yeah, no, I do not want to have a DJ, I want to have a band, and somebody's like, well, I only like music played by DJs, then looks like you're not gonna dance, Billy. Like, it's it's not gonna happen. Sorry. It's my day, it's our day, it's our love story. This is like the it's not for you. This isn't like an event where I'm like, oh my God, like I need to think of on my wedding day if my dress is going to be what everyone hopes is gonna be. No, that's not what this is for. I am like I am so for the idea of more moments that are for the couple. This day is for the couple, and if anything is going to hinder the couple being able to enjoy the memories of their day, then why do it?

SPEAKER_03 17:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

I love the idea of it.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

It's so crazy. It's such a good idea.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

I know. I thought it was so cool, and it kind of reminded me of what we did. We still, I mean, like later on, don't get me wrong, we still did the full church ceremony and everything, but that's because we wanted it. We wanted it, yeah. I wanted to walk down the aisle in the church I grew up in, and you were down for it, and our families were on board, so that was great. But we've also been to places to weddings where they're like, Yeah, no, we got married forever ago, and this is just like the party.

SPEAKER_04 18:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 18:28

Like, hell yeah. And honestly, how many people do you know that we've been at like we've been at weddings where people don't show up to the ceremony and only go to the reception because they don't want to sit out in the sun.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

And then it's always it's it's one if you're not part of family photos, it's the second biggest thing people complain about on wedding day is the length or the heat of a ceremony, or that they didn't get to see or they didn't get a good photo of somebody, or why couldn't I have my phone out?

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Like, there's a lot of complaining from guests, invited guests at weddings that you don't need to bother yourself with. Like, don't get me wrong, if you want to do the whole my big fat Greek wedding and invite every single person you've ever met in your life and kiss in front of them, I will be there surrounded by all those people, welcoming them into my circle. Like, I'm so down for that.

SPEAKER_03 19:14

You can kind of be like that couple that like if you have a large family and you guys are all really, really close. Like, I feel like even though we did get privately eloped, we still had people join us in the elopement. We could have been that we invited. That we invited, right? We are those kind of people that we do have people there close to us. That we wanted there, you know, and so that's why having like the second the wedding part of it later on was important to us. Um, if you are that kind of person that like loves the you know um having your family close for all of your moments and that kind of stuff, then do it, go for it.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

You know, that's all based on what you want. Like I have we've had couples that are like, I am so scared to do this. You don't have to.

SPEAKER_03 20:05

No, you don't have to. I like too that uh we're trying everybody's trying to de-instagramify weddings, like deep dress de-Instagramify.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

I feel like we're seeing that more and more.

SPEAKER_03 20:16

And I I've I feel like having a private ceremony doesn't um doesn't add to like an Instagram-y feel to your wedding at all, because you know, a lot of the Instagram battle is when things don't go perfectly, and a lot of the time ceremonies don't go perfectly. People forget things. The DJ plays the wrong song while you're walking down the aisle. People dive out with their cell phones.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

I mean, could you imagine two of us getting married and me being like, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, put the ring on my finger. Go on, go on, put the ring on my finger. Like, that would be such a cute moment that I know for a fact if you were to do that at like a big ceremony, people would be like, Yeah, why is she doing that?

SPEAKER_03 20:59

Up and down anything, anything is you have complete control over it because ceremonies you don't have complete control over. If I had a nickel for every single time that a bride or a groom had said to us after a ceremony, like, what the hell just happened? Yeah, they would go, Well, you know, the officiant said this, but other than that, it was great. Like, you know, or the the DJ played the wrong song.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

I don't know what the hell that was, but how many times have we had to how many times have we had to go back and have the officiant go, oh, and I forgot, two people are doing readings?

SPEAKER_03 21:39

Come on up, like the things go get nervous, and people get nervous and two Kyle and Hannah, where the grandfather made them kiss, and then he was like, Oh, I forgot to do rings or vows. He was just so excited for it. He was like, All right, go on and kiss.

SPEAKER_02 21:57

And we've also had people who were just like, Okay. Yeah. I forgot to do any of the actual officiating. We have to go hide in the back now and go actually get you married. Yeah. Now you're married. Like that kind of stuff happens. And if you want your wedding day to be full of those really candid, like in front of everybody moments, go for it. If you want to have something super intimate and private and then do a big party later after that, go for it.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

That's sick. That's such a sick idea.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Because, like I said, we're seeing private cake cuttings. We're seeing like first dances that are very like, no, everybody just sit down. Like, I don't want anybody out on the floor with us. I kind of want to really just like not be able to see anybody. So it feels private, private first vows. You know, like the couple did this beforehand. You're not gonna get to see it, but like it was beautiful. Like a lot of couples are like, this isn't a performance. No, this isn't like we'll do a performance later. We have a choreographed dance and it's gonna be beautiful, but this isn't that. Like, this is your real time to get married. There's only one time in your life that you are going to marry this person for the first time, you know? Even if you remarry the same person over and over, it's never gonna be the first time.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

It's uh just it's crazy. I think it's just a fantastic. I just think it's a fantastic idea. Um, if you are planning to have a private ceremony, or if you like are listening to us and are like, what the hell are you talking about? That sounds like the worst thing ever. We want to hear about it.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

I want all the opinions on this because I mean, like, especially if you're like, man, I wish that I had done that because this is what happened during my ceremony. Like, tell me all about it. Yeah, tell me all about it.

SPEAKER_03 23:46

I and if you're a wedding vendor and you've either done this before, or you're like, no, this can't happen because of this, this, and this. You gotta tell me what I'm missing because this this sounds like a great idea. I feel like that's that could be the next evolution of ceremonies.

SPEAKER_02 24:03

The only thing is people complaining, and like I said, people complain about something at every wedding, anyway.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

Literally, everything at every wedding. Where's the coffee? Where the wood here is too brown.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Like I wouldn't have gotten married in a place with so many chandeliers. Oh, by the water, the bugs are gonna be horrendous. Oh, it's cold. Like, you're always gonna who gets married in April?

SPEAKER_03 24:24

Like me? Who marries who marries somebody named Sue? Exactly. Exactly. Like, people are always complaining.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

Bridesmaid's dresses are all a different color. Oh, like so. Mine as well, like I said, you're gonna if you're gonna spend that, you know, complaining on it, use it for something that is important to you.

SPEAKER_03 24:48

Yeah, we are launching a new segment. What? On the podcast. What is it called? Trouble in Paradise. Because, you know, we're wedding vendors and we've seen a lot of people get married, and we keep up with all those people, but we've also been married ourselves for 10 years, so we've learned a thing or two about being married. Um, we were young when we got married, we're older now. We're not old, but we're older now. Time has passed, time has passed, a decade has passed in our marriage, and that's a huge milestone. And I feel like that gives us some cred to give some advice on weddings. Yeah, show off that ring, baby. No, I'm not just so I'm emotional. I figured I would look on r slash marriage. I figured I would look on r slash marriage advice for different, you know, marriage things, and we could go over them and you know, like it's really put on like our advice caps and try to s remedy some marriage.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

Like an am I the asshole type thing, like those kinds of like couple y things? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm down.

SPEAKER_03 25:47

I'm down. This comes from you slash flounder most five or six, sorry, this comes from you slash good lord. This comes from user flounder most six five four eight. It just is it's a throwaway account, so it doesn't really matter, but we have to credit them, right? Um, title is after years of my husband being loyal, he's messing around with AI. Hello all. A few years ago, I found out that my husband spent a lot of time on dating apps and had three separate texting relationships with real women. It was a complicated situation because I found out years later that he did this while we were dating after we were already married. Wait, hold on. After he was texting real women while they were dating, and she didn't find out until after they were married. Okay. So um, I made a few posts about it back then, if anybody wants context. On Saturday, I decided to snoop through his phone again while he was passed out after drinking too much at a wedding. See, it's wedding related. It's wedding related. Definitely a bad sign that I even wanted to do it. Well, I found out that he isn't doing anything with real woman, but he has been spending hours every single day sexting on AI apps.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

It's her.

SPEAKER_02 27:01

I'm pissed.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

It's literally her, the movie her. I'm pissed because it really isn't different from before. Technology just got better, so we can do it guilt-free. Back when I first found out about the sexting three years ago, I told him I didn't want him to engage with AI or anything like that in that way. I realized he has a porn addiction. I don't know how to help him with that, and he obviously doesn't know how to stop. He claims that the apps make him feel more dominant, and he has fantasies that he acts out with them. I've always been open to most things, and when he told me about them, they were rather normal. It's like I couldn't imagine. You like that? I'm in a pretty good place in life right now. I'm successful at work and have made some really good friends in the past few years. Oh yeah. He told me he feels like he isn't the same spot. Playing out these fantasies helps him feel better about himself. I can't even begin to say how bad that made me feel. It sucks, um, it sucks that me doing well makes him feel so shitty. He would do something that he knew would hurt me just to give himself some comfort. He also told me he's having a hard time at work and doesn't like his job anymore. I love my job, but I have to travel a ton, and apparently that has been bothering him. We are just per We have just purchased a new home together, and I really thought we were both in a good place. I'm so pissed, I know it's just AI, but I feel like it's a slippery slope. He already did this with real women years ago. Who's to say he wouldn't have escalated if I didn't catch him? Would it be ridiculous to separate over AI? Too long didn't read. My husband has been unfaithful during our dating relationships, as doing the same action now, but with AI this time. Would it be ridiculous if we separated over AI?

unknown 28:44

That's it.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

There is so much to untack in this.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

So this Let's start with the AI bot. Which one are you using, dude? I want to know. Smarter Child on AIM? Like that's when people are like, yeah. Nothing with children.

SPEAKER_02 28:59

What? No, do you remember Smarter Child on AIM?

SPEAKER_03 29:01

No.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

It was like movie phone and Smarter Child and whatever, and you could type into it. And it was like, it was basically like it was a chat bot. It was a chat bot, but like it only gave you like information based on like a parameter of things. Okay. So like if you were bored and none of your friends were online, but you wanted to stay on the computer, you could be like, hey, Smarter Child. Do you think poop is funny? Like you could type into it.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

And it would just be like, I'm sorry, what? Like it wouldn't really do anything, but it was just like a chat bot. You could just like type into the void, and sometimes it responded like appropriately. But there are so many things here that it's like you can't you can't just sum it down to my husband's cheating on me with AI. It's one, your husband already has cheated on you at least three times that you know about. Two, you're saying that he has an addiction to adult material, which means he clearly has something going on with like some type of confidence issue, or who knows if there's actual, like her saying, I love my job, I travel a lot, we bought a house, I thought he was in a good place because I'm in a good place. Like, clearly, you guys are not communicating effectively or at all. Like, that's what it comes down to for me. Like, if he's literally like, Well, I I'm so lonely, but I'm not gonna cheat on my wife with real people, even though I'm dying for some type of validating connection that I'm not getting from my partner at all because whatever reason, I'm going to go to literal binary code to make me feel warmth.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:37

That's so sad.

SPEAKER_03 30:39

Yeah, that's it is really, really sad.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Heartbreaking for me here.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

Do you think? And I when I first read this, I had this thought. Do you think that he is going to an AI bot in order to stay faithful? Do you think he's made that disconnect of like, it's not a real woman? So I'm, you know, I could be going and texting real women and you know, and sexting with them. Um, but I'm not. I'm trying to stay loyal, babe. Do you think like that's his thought process?

SPEAKER_01 31:11

I honestly this is this is giving like it's giving like somebody who just has a lot of animals.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

Like somebody who's just like, yeah, no, I I I don't connect with other people, so I and I'm lonely, but like I can't connect with somebody else, so I just have like a hobby.

SPEAKER_03 31:32

Yeah. Like it's a very unhealthy thing. He said he's has a porn addiction, which like that's super hard to walk away from. Um, but like well, how do you know that? Well, when I was No, no, I'm just kidding. No, but I mean like it uh he definitely needs some help. He is it it seems like compounding issues, it's self-esteem issues because you're doing well and he's not and he feels like he's not, even though he might actually be doing well, which is a stupid thing for men to be very upset about, but a lot of men get very upset about that for some reason, and it's a weak thing to be don't be jealous of your wife if they're doing well, just be along for the ride, it's way better. Um, two, he's got a porn addiction, so he's taking those insecurities and he's literally morphing them into whatever he wants and being able to Google search whatever he wants and see that on a screen.

SPEAKER_02 32:27

She also didn't say that he's been diagnosed with one and he's like getting whatever she's saying that.

SPEAKER_03 32:32

I don't think you can get diagnosed with a porn addiction.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

You 100% can. People go to therapy, people go to rehab for that kind of stuff. Like it's a thing.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

Um I thought it was a I thought it was like a col like a colloquial term.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

Like no, no, it's an actual thing because you can you can literally you can be addicted.

SPEAKER_03 32:50

A homeodiagnosis. I thought it was like something that you could diagnose yourself or somebody else.

SPEAKER_02 32:55

Well, I mean, like you can you can also like notice those things, but like who knows if he actually has an addiction or she's just like, why is he always watching Smut? Like you're at work and traveling all the time. Yeah, he's craving some type of attention. Don't get me wrong, I don't think anything that he's doing is okay, but clearly there is a huge communication issue in this marriage. Like, oh my god, like I'm always out of the house. I love my job, I'm very busy, I have a lot of money. Why isn't my husband like happy? Yeah why is it like he's sad and lonely, and he's told you that. And instead of taking like the hint of like, hey, maybe I also need to look at if my behavior has any effect on this, like enabling behavior.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

I'm not putting, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

I'm no no if there's any enabling behavior, if there's any like things you're missing, like who knows? Like him her being like, Well, I'm down for anything, but it seems like what he's into is really like it's not that kinky. Like, maybe he's trying to say these things to you.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

He's not showing you the whole picture.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

Well, that's that's very much a thing. This could be like a let's see if she's down for it, but also like maybe he's just like, I'm just looking for anything at this point, and I'm not getting it from you. I don't want to get it from like actual people because I want to remain faithful, but I'm struggling here. Yeah, you know what I mean? Just like from an outsider looking in, like people do stuff like this, like they join social clubs and people drift apart. People go and do people go play pickleball because there's something going on in their life that they're like, I, you know, I need to find companionship somewhere because I'm not, you know, I'm looking for that type of whatever. Like people have their gym buddies because they don't have like a partner that will go to the gym with them. People have like, you know, like my my you know, husband will never go fishing with me. So me and the this group of people do that. Like, that's fine, but clearly this is deeper than that, and I'm highly suggesting a professional and couples counseling.

SPEAKER_03 34:57

Yes, for sure. For sure, professional couples counseling. Uh good first step, because it sounds like you haven't even like confronted him about this yet, is to to talk to him about it, you know. Find a nice private time, you know, not over dinner, not over whatever. Like tell them you want to talk about something and go sit down in a place where there's no screens in your house and talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 35:23

She might be listening, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

You know, um, yeah, so that the AI doesn't hear and get jealous. That's a horror movie. Um the if it isn't a horror movie, I'm copywriting it now. Isn't it an AI girlfriend gets revenge? You didn't see the one with the nanny? Oh, isn't it called AI? Is that what it's called? I don't know. There there's there's not there's something he's not saying about what he's getting from it. And it doesn't sound like you guys have been married for long.

SPEAKER_02 35:53

So I mean, who knows if they have or not? It's how long he's been in this weird relationship. Who knows? Like there's hot singles in your area.

SPEAKER_03 36:04

Like, no way. No way.

SPEAKER_02 36:06

I love that. I mean, it's it's such a weird world that we live in in that regard where you can literally be like, make me a girlfriend who has a cheeseburger fetish.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

Cheeseburger fetish?

SPEAKER_02 36:17

That's the first thing I thought of.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

What is that? Is it I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 36:20

Clearly, it's a I mean, like, people sit on cakes, Bryce.

SPEAKER_03 36:22

Okay, I just am trying to communicate with you. I'm feeling insecure about myself. You're wearing really nice pants and these actually are sweats.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

These are actually sweatpants from Target. Look, they have a tie on them. I got them forever ago because I was like, I need to look fancy, but I also need to be able to crawl around on the floor at weddings.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

Yeah. Um, I got these pants so I could look like a toddler, like a blue short boy.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

That's I literally referred to them as your play clothes. So I think it's perfect.

SPEAKER_03 36:49

Um, yeah. If you have somebody that's doing this, um you you you kind of have to talk to them about like why they're doing this. It's it's not a scary conversation to initiate.

SPEAKER_02 37:01

There's so much like things that are could actually become like a positive about this. Like clearly, if he's able to communicate deeply with this AI thing, who knows if maybe instead of talking face to face, the two of you could start sexting each other.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

Even if you're like couch couch apart, you know, you just show me them feet. You can start role playing during your sexting from the couch away from each other. Like we could right now role play while texting. You want to do that real quick? I do not. Okay, cool. I do not pass. Um there seems there seems to be an insecurity, and obviously you are you've clocked his porn addiction. Um that he's not getting to, that you should probably get to. Um, that's my advice. And if you want to show this to the dude, I'm just gonna say, hey buddy, uh AI is not fun. It's not real. Real wife, fun, real wife, cool. Real wife, um, way better than computer wife.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

Real wife can't hold hand.

SPEAKER_03 38:11

Yeah, real wife can hold Johnson, too. Real wife can do those things to you. He could. She could. AI can't.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

Just like on his phone, he's like, do something with it. Help. No.

SPEAKER_03 38:33

It's like a hoppers where it's like lizard, lizard. Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 38:40

No, like like I said though, like if if this is something that you could that you know that he's doing and he clearly is like comfortable with doing this, and you travel a lot, so you're not physically around a lot. So I mean, honestly, there seems to be a bit of a pathway to kind of rewire your relationship. Like part of the pun of being like, you know, what I like rewiring.

SPEAKER_03 39:02

It might put you out of your comfort zone to have to sex him in order to keep him in your relationship. And that's that's not a bridge too far. Yeah, it's a bridge too far if if it's to keep him, but if it's just to kind of like meet him in the middle or pull him out somewhere, then no, it's not a bridge too far. I feel like also you should make an AI sex spot of yourself. So it's like, hey, baby, I'm your wife, and then you just like read it before you do anything. Um, no, I'm just saying you're cool.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

I just think that you know, I think sexting is fun. I think it's naughty, I think it's like a cute little thing. It doesn't have like if you really feel weird about saying certain things out loud, which I know some people do. I mean, I remember when you first tried calling me babe, you're just like, hey, can you go get that for me?

SPEAKER_03 39:47

I never really called a partner babe before, so I just was like, you know, good morning, babe.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

I was always just like, uh, hey baby, can you go grab this for me? And you're like, sure, baby, you just called me baby. Was it weird that I called you baby too? Yeah. Should we both not say baby? When you say baby, what should I say?

SPEAKER_03 40:07

Yeah, I'm an I'm an alien. Please stop talking. I say words strange sometimes. So now you call me Shamamby. You know, we're at a we're we do a podcast together. I don't say words correctly all the time. Um, you know, you want something to eat? Babe. It's all the you know, all the suave of uh lemon all the suave of an egg being cooked on the pavement.

unknown 40:32

Babe.

SPEAKER_03 40:33

If you have a porn addiction, let us know. No, um if you have any opinions on um AI relationships. AI relationships. I was surprised when I was when I was reading this. A lot of people don't think that sexting with an AI or even sexting with another human being is cheating. Pardon? You don't think that let me know why um you're wrong because it is. Um, and if it's not, I need to know why you think so. I hate that. Yeah, isn't that weird? I hate that so much. It was very strange.

SPEAKER_02 41:11

All right, I'm going to actually save this. I I didn't just screenshot it, I actually saved it to my thing.

SPEAKER_04 41:17

Red.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

So this is on a wedding Facebook group, obviously. And as of right now, it has 26 comments on it. It was posted two days ago. It has eight reactions to it. So photographer ruined my wedding day, and I want a refund.

SPEAKER_03 41:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

Firstly, our wedding photographer was recommended by our venue as a trusted vendor. We went on her socials and we liked her style of photography, so we inquired. She spelled inquired wrong. We inquired and she was quick to respond with package prices, which is pretty normal. Yeah. Uh we paid $2,800 for a six-hour package with two photographers. Sounds great.

SPEAKER_03 42:01

That's really, really cheap.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

Sounds great. Uh, I would say it's about average for six hours.

SPEAKER_03 42:06

Lower average, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

Yeah, but uh, we booked her a year before our date, so plenty of time. There was no contract.

SPEAKER_03 42:15

Big red flag, number one.

SPEAKER_02 42:17

There being no contract is um in law, when you exchange money for services, that is a contract. Even though there's no written parameters of it, that's still you have a contract. They will show up, you will pay them for showing up. That is a contract.

SPEAKER_03 42:31

One of my wife's big secret superpowers, she watches a lot of Judge Judy and knows a lot about like small domestic and civil cases.

SPEAKER_02 42:41

Small civil cases. I do, but that's just because it I like watching Judge Judy yell at people, and I used to watch it with my nan all the time because she used to get so mad, just like Judge Judy. Oh, you moron! Like it was amazing. But anyway, um, we briefly emailed and she asked us if we had a run sheet about six months out, which we did not at that point. We paid in full and asked if she received it, to which she said she did. No more correspondence and fast forward to two weeks out. Meh. A lot of changes and things happen leading up to a wedding. So, I mean, I would say probably like two months out check-in, a month check-in, two weeks before check-in.

SPEAKER_03 43:24

It depends on the photographer. Sometimes photographers are way more involved in the actual planning process. Sometimes they're like, It's your wedding day, man. Whatever.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

It's your wedding day. I'm just here to capture it. Yeah, like some people really are laid back with that. Some people are very like, no, I am down to like the minute, whatever. But I emailed her a detailed run sheet with timings, addresses, where each photographer was to be, and uh spoke to her about odd bridal party numbers so she could get some arrangement ideas for shots in mind before the day because I figured it's her wheelhouse and to not be flustered on the day. I also She also said we want photos along the creek where we had the ceremony and in the whiskey bar upstairs. I'll go she said, leave it to me. Now comes the wedding day. This is like written very dramatically. Like she arrived at the bride's house first, even though the running sheet explicitly said groom's house first. There's two photographers. So I don't think both photographers need to be in both places at once, but anyway. Whatever. She was scheduled there at 5 45 and arrived, or sorry, 12 45 and arrived at my house at 1 p.m. So already 15 minutes late. Even though if she were at the right address, my bride even though sorry, she's this is you can tell she wrote this in anger. Give me one second. Yeah. Uh so 15 minutes late, even if she were at the right address. My bridesmaid informed her of this, and she said she was moving house that week and she not she did not read the run sheet properly. We told her the groom's house is a three-minute drive away, literally two streets away if she heads there now. Uh 1.15. I have a text from the groomsman asking where the photographer is, and I said she's on the way. She came here first by accident, and she should be arriving there any minute. She did not get to the groom's house until 1.30. So now we're 45 minutes behind. This was an issue because we had a content creator there who was waiting for the photographer so that all the getting ready shots were captured together. That did not need to happen. That did not need to happen. Things start happening, we're moving along. They can do this later. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:35

Like that's just a lesson learned. Like, if you're not the wedding days happen uh in real time, if you're not there for an event, then you missed it, and you have to either fake it later or figure it out later. Right.

SPEAKER_02 45:49

Like, you know, the content creator didn't need to be sitting around, like just gather content.

SPEAKER_03 45:54

But you didn't need to.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

No, we've showed up, like we've been there before. Like our contract says we're gonna be there like two hours before the photographer sometimes, just because of what they've asked us to do and what they've asked the photographer to do. And it's like, yeah, we just run around capturing things because we're there. I'm not gonna wait. Like, I photographer wants to do a flat lay when they get there. Go ahead. I already did one for myself. Knock yourself out, it's all in this box. Yep. Like, you don't need to do that. Anyway, following our ceremony during group and bridal portraits, she was rude and abrupt to guests and provided no direction. She was yelling, saying, You all know what to do, and in a very frustrated tone, yelling, if you can't see me, I can't see you, and things like that. That's not unheard of.

SPEAKER_03 46:37

Yeah, so far, super normal.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

Sorry, family photos after the ceremony suck. Saying you all know, you all know what to do. Stand up and look this way. That's what that means.

SPEAKER_03 46:46

Hurting cats is a insult to cats. Family photos is drunk toddlers.

SPEAKER_02 46:51

Yeah, it's drunk children. Just like, oh my god, I love your dress. Like, did when are we getting cheese and crackers? And where's my waddles away? Like, it's yeah, it's a thing. Photographers usually during that, like they can be very like supportive, but a lot of the time it's like, no, I'm getting this done because this is a formality.

SPEAKER_03 47:11

Because usually you do like couple portraits, and sometimes the couples even want to go to cocktail hours. So it's like, I can't spend an hour and a half doing just family photos. You know, if you can't see me, I you know, can't see me, I can't see you. If you want to be all right, goodbye. Like, if you're not in that shot, that's your fault. I said the thing. All right.

SPEAKER_02 47:29

Yes. Um, this was noted by two guests who told me her demeanor was unacceptable. Further, even though I paid for two photographers, my bridesmaid was reading and calling the groups for photos, not her job. But they were so flustered that she took over to get it running smoothly. Also not unheard of. Yeah. Sometimes for helping. Yeah, thanks for being a bridesmaid.

SPEAKER_03 47:53

Like, so far it sounds like your family's hard to deal with. Like exactly so. So far, it sounds like they gave the photographer a really hard time.

SPEAKER_02 48:01

Like, don't get me wrong. We I've been in situations where I'm helping the photographer and I'm going like, Stanley family, Martin family, like let's let's go. And like nobody listens to me. And then a bridesmaid's like, hold on. Martin family, Stanley family, we're gonna they're like, okay, Becca, you know, like it's Yeah, they don't like to listen to the women's uh with the camera sometimes. That happens. Um, granted, we only had one and a half hours post-ceremony for photos, but she knew this based on the run sheet. When we went off for bridal party portraits, she was complaining and swearing about the midges and sighing the whole time. What the hell are midges? Can you look that up, please?

SPEAKER_03 48:44

I'm gonna bleep that when you say what the hell is a midgi? I don't want you to get canceled.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Can you look up what that means? M-I-D-G-I-E-S.

SPEAKER_03 48:52

I'm gonna get something weird. A midgi is a type of bird, it's a type of fly. It's like the not mosquito mosquitoes, the green. Like the little gnat green ones. Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna are called midges. Um that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 49:08

Can I see them?

SPEAKER_03 49:10

Uh in our area, we call them gnats. A lot of people in when I was um when we were in Massachusetts, people called noceums.

SPEAKER_02 49:19

Um, I've only ever heard your family call them that.

SPEAKER_03 49:22

Noceums.

SPEAKER_02 49:23

Yeah, and uh bleep this out. It sounds like some type of like Native American slur.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

Uh in the Northeast, they're called punkies.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

Nan used to call me punky. She'd go, hey punky.

SPEAKER_03 49:36

But the gnats. I'm gonna say gnats.

SPEAKER_02 49:38

I'm never gonna say that again.

SPEAKER_03 49:40

Um I don't have to bleep it out.

SPEAKER_02 49:41

She was complaining and swearing about the gnats and sighing the whole time, asking our content creator uh for photo ideas, which again, not her job, very unprofessional. Yeah. Um, not necessarily. Like, I guarantee you, it was like a do you have any ideas? Do you want to do anything? Because people defer to us sometimes too. Like, hey, do you guys want to do something else? Like, don't like jump in whenever you want. The second photographer was also supposed to stay with the guests there in this time, but instead he followed the main photographer around and basically took the same photos. This was again on the run sheet. She was pressuring us to go to the beach, uh to go to the beach, go to the beach. She typed it twice because she really didn't want to go to the beach, which would have been a 10-minute drive. And we also knew we did not have time, which is why I said on the run sheet, photos by the creek and whiskey bar, and she seemed annoyed that we didn't want to go. We did not provide a meal for them because they were supposed to finish at 6 45 before the meal was served. And it is more than fair to ask for a refund because the service was not delivered in line with our expectations. Our day was marred with stress, and we felt it came as a direct result of your actions, and we cannot redo the day, anyways. And she was welcome to Canapes, but mentioned to my husband that they did not get them that they did not get a meal. But if it she had been on time, she would have been around long enough for it. She would not have been around long enough for it, anyways. Fast forward now two months before the wedding, two months past the wedding. I emailed her two weeks ago because we did not get any sneak peeks in the days following uh the wedding to share with family. So I emailed asking if we were gonna get any and when to expect the entire portfolio. Nil response from her.

SPEAKER_03 51:31

Marred and nil. I don't English class.

SPEAKER_02 51:37

Hey, I wrote this. I think it is more than fair to ask for a refund because the service was not delivered in line with our expectations. She was late, rude, and provided poor correspondence and still no word from her. Our day was marred with stress, and we cannot redo this day. I've held off on calling her about it because she still has our photos, and I'm scared she'll not hand them over if I complain or do something to them. You cannot post reviews on her Facebook page, so I'm at a loss what to do if she says no refund. Thoughts? Am I justified in saying this? No. You're you ate the steak. Yeah, your anger is that's a judge duty term.

SPEAKER_03 52:18

Yeah, is it?

SPEAKER_02 52:19

She goes, You ate the steak. They did a service for you. You didn't like them, don't recommend them. But like, she was there, she took photos, she might have been a little bit late, but she still was there. She made up for the time. She had a second photographer there, they were doing it, whatever. Like, things happen on wedding days. She also probably was like, Hey, let's go to the beach because nobody, everyone's swatting at bugs and stuff here. This is a mess. Like, why don't we try a different location? Like, if you didn't want it.

SPEAKER_03 52:46

I don't know if you've ever been by a creek before, but it's it's it's buggy. Yeah, it's like breathe in bugs, buggy. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 52:53

So somebody said, Yeah, wait until after you have the photos before doing anything. Once you receive them, go through them with an open mind and see if you're actually happy with them or not. And then you go from there. I would email her with any concerns and see what she says back. Uh, somebody else says she technically does have a contract as she's in the email confirming the price. Yeah. And also um had the times and places as to where the photographs were going to be done.

SPEAKER_04 53:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:17

Um, everyone's like, get the photos first. If she refuses to respond to your emails, start, you know, you know, whatever. Also, let your venue know. Let your venue know about your experience with her. And she was recommended by the thing. She was recommended by the venue.

SPEAKER_03 53:30

So once again, I I I don't see much that she did wrong. Being late is tough. Is a problem. You know, deferring to a lot of us, a lot of us content creation is new. A lot of us are really, really trying to include them whenever they're there because sometimes they're kind of mousy. They don't want to step on anything. And a lot of times, especially with like bridal photos, couple photos, not bridal photos, with bridal party photos and with family photos, it's not a lot of creativity. It's the most stand in the line photo. JC Penny stand-in-a-line photo.

SPEAKER_02 54:08

So that's what somebody said. A photographer said, number one, your photographer should have worked with you and had input on the timeline. I cannot imagine shooting a wedding where I am not working on the timeline with the bride, the groom, an event planner, their parents, somebody. Uh, this is a team project here, and I'm assuming you want to enjoy your day and leave the vendors to handle things. They need to communicate with you about what's feasible and what isn't. Number two, some of the things you mentioned, the phrasing, if you can't see me, I can't see you, are pretty standard things to say when people are not paying attention or intentionally hiding from being seen in the picture. I say it sometimes, but I try to say it nicely. It sounds like maybe it was hot and uncomfortable. No excuse to be mean, but as a photographer, my job is to get you to the reception as soon as possible. I have never ever had an hour to an hour and a half of post-ceremony pictures, even in huge 50,000 plus weddings.

SPEAKER_04 54:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:59

Um, I try to keep those pictures down to 45, 50 minutes. This is including solo couple pictures.

SPEAKER_04 55:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:06

Um, that may have been the catalyst for her reaction for this. Number three, their lack of communication is the largest red flag. Um, you're asking for a full refund. You can do that, but they showed up and worked. When you get your photos back, is it the quality you were expecting? When you look back at it in 20 years, are you gonna say, Oh, these look awful? We had a horrible photographer, or will you love the images regardless because they're of your wedding day?

SPEAKER_04 55:30

Um The answer's the latter. You'll probably do that.

SPEAKER_02 55:36

Yeah, a lot of people are like, I get you're upset, but a lot of these things are just like coming from your lack of knowledge of wedding days and your lack of understanding that a timeline is a guideline, not a set in stone written by God.

SPEAKER_03 55:50

Is this poster like relatively young?

SPEAKER_02 55:53

She I'm unsure. I think it's from a burner account, but let me double check.

SPEAKER_03 55:59

So none of none of that seemed out of place or out of sorts. Um, I'm I'm guess what I'm why I'm guessing they're young is because a lot of young people confused a lot of young people confuse volume for harshness. I'm not yelling to be mean or to be harsh. I'm yelling so that the 30 people in your family that aren't listening to me will listen. Yeah, because nobody can hear me. You know? A lot of people sometimes shy and shudder away from that because they're like Shudder away. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:39

We're so cute. So cute.

SPEAKER_00 56:47

No, it's none of that, none of that was like that bad. I've been so much meaner on wedding days.

SPEAKER_03 56:52

Yeah, like outwardly mean to people on wedding days.

SPEAKER_02 56:56

Yeah, like the one of your bridesmaids stepping in because like the photographer was quiet and not whatever. How loud was your family?

SPEAKER_04 57:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:05

Why did your photographer have to do that? I always play the devil's advocate, especially because like I've been on both sides, and I get annoyed with my own family during family photos. I try, like, when we were at my cousin's wedding, I was near the photographer, like, what do you want me to do? Like, do you do you need me? I'm I'm the matron of honor in this wedding, and whatever. And she's like, No, I said, if you need me to yell, I'm more than happy to be the one. She was like, No, I'll yell. I'm totally comfortable with that. I'm like, all right, I'm here if you need me. Because, like, one, I'm a vendor normally, and two, I had a role on that day also to be helpful. So, like, it's not surprising that it's actually fantastic your bridesmaid jumped in.

SPEAKER_03 57:43

Yeah. Because it means that she was ready and close enough to you to be able to.

SPEAKER_02 57:47

And also noticing that things weren't moving smoothly, and it's not the photographer's job to make sure that everyone's standing still. Like, you're you're a big person, you can stand up and smile.

SPEAKER_03 57:57

It's the family's fault for whenever family photos don't go smooth. The only time it's the photographer's fault when we've been around for it, is when they are like, Okay, um, who hey, you know, bride, what who's who's this family? What's what's the and the bride goes like and it's like, yeah, this is a cluster f yeah, but the no moving forward, the photographer should always have this.

SPEAKER_02 58:26

Like, this is a huge phone call to lay out. Like, yeah, and also maybe if you do not like doing family photos, let's implement a better system. Yeah, it should not take that long because also that's probably why people weren't, you know, being very cooperative, because it seems like it was buggy and by a creek, and the ceremony was right next to this creek. So who knows how long we've been outside in the sun or in the cold. Who knows, man? But like also deferring to the content creator for like, do you have like any ideas? What do you think we should do here?

SPEAKER_03 59:00

Like it's just courtesy, it's just being polite.

SPEAKER_02 59:02

That's courtesy, and also like maybe we should turn them this way, maybe we should whatever, like, oh yeah, I love that light, let's do it. Like, that's teamwork, it's a great thing to do.

SPEAKER_03 59:11

Um also uh the only thing I can really really ding the photographer for is not having a contract and being late. And being late, like we we've been late to weddings before, but we usually late to the time that we set that we know is like 30 minutes to earlier than we need to be there. For and usually not late per hour thing, like the 30 minutes before, right? That it's you know, right. Um, you know, you should have a contract, and you can look up templates for contracts or ask other photographers in your area what they do in their contract. Um, you should have a contract, especially since you have a second shooter, because what's stopping a second shooter from being like you owe me more money, I shot more photos than you. You only shot 5,000, I shot 6,000. Making me the main photographer, you have to pay me more. Get yourself a contract, dude. They're so easy.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:11

It's so easy to make it be a PDF file that you can send to also you not feeding your couples is a huge red flag for me. You could have had some canopies, some whores divors, like you said that I almost cringed right out of my skin, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:28

It was like awful, you know. You really marred this one up, dude. Um I've been marred. Yeah, yeah, um feed your vendors, and they can only be as involved as you involve them before you plan the wedding or while you're planning it. Yeah, you know, it obviously if you want to contact them more often, we found in that trap before where it's our schedule, usually is like people we call and then people book us. We like talk for a while and then people book us, and then there's not really much involvement with us um until the one big final planning thing. Um, we're in the demographic where photographers and wedding planners and venue owners will do a majority of the planning. And we also timeline planning. Our yeah, planning like timeline planning. Our style and what we sell people on is that we are very like documentary, fly on the wall, observational and orbital filming for the most part. Um, so we're just there and we're filming anyway. Um, if you're not like that, you should get like that, it's a lot of fun, and um so you know, while we have questions that we ask during our final phone call, like, I'll ask who's helping you in your dress. That's for some reason something most photographers don't ask, and most timeline people don't ask. And they'll always be like, Oh, um, I didn't think about it. My mom and I guess my sister is helping me in my dress too.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:56

And the only reason we really ask these questions is just so when the whirlwind of getting ready happens, we can be like, You said you wanted your mom to get you in your dress. Is that still happening? They go, Oh yeah, mom! You know, like that way they don't get swept up in these things, and it's just small little things that you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:11

Maybe right after our phone call, they call their mom and be like, I just talked to the video person and and uh they asked me about who was helping me in their or my dress, and I said, You, you're helping me in my dress, right? And you should have a contract, and if you're not going to have a detailed contract or be involved with the timeline creation, your phone call, like your final meeting, needs to be large. Ours is an hour to an hour and a half long. We sit and we go through every single point of the day. I need to know where to point my cameras.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:43

So it's not even necessarily just about like where to point our cameras, it's more like, yeah, so my grandma's gonna be there and she's not doing well. So I'm gonna get so much footage of grandma.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:53

Yeah, like I'm gonna make it a point to be like I'm not close to my brother, he's he's very belligerent. Um, so you know, it's like okay, I'll I will keep an eye out for that.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:02

You know, I will be aware of that for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:03

I'm not going to I'm not going to sucker film him, you know, being a good boy on the wedding day or whatever if you're not close to him. Because like if he's not going to be close to you on the wedding day, then he's not going to be really involved in the photos or videos.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:18

Right, but if he's like a groomsman and he goes up and shakes your hand like all the other groomsmen, then we're capturing it because we're capturing that moment. Like it's gonna be in there.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:30

Oh, remember the two of you were there on your wedding day, and it was so you know, it was you guys are so close. Like yeah, that's the that's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:38

Those details are just really important. And if you're not the one who it like if the photographer is like, yeah, I usually don't do timelines, I suggest going over that with your coordinator and send it over to me, and I'll take a you know, I'll look over it and let you know that this is feasible. Like if you're like, hey, I have two photographers, I can go here and we can go here and like, but I'm seeing you have an hour and a half for family photos, that's a lot of time. Yeah. I say we move it down to this, so maybe we could have gone to the beach because there's gonna be a lot of bugs here. Like, there's so much communication that is really necessary, but it's it's minimal. Like, I really, I really want to be able to, you know, stay here or whatever. Okay, well, let me look at the area because it can be really muddy and you still haven't even gone in for your reception yet. Like, that could have been like a huge thing if there was bugs and she was complaining like crazy. I wonder what conditions things were in in this area.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:34

Like, yeah, you want to get those and I'll get them for you, but like for $28 that you're splitting with a second as well. $2800. Yeah, for or you have to do it. For $28.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:43

What am I gonna do without that dollar?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:45

Um, the um it really is a cool thing. Like, we could we could if you wanted to be more involved in the timeline making process, you could do that way better than I could because I'm very I'm very much time blind and you are very much like detail oriented in that way. Yeah. Um, but I love that we get to like we kind of get to demystify how different events feel. Like just got just was on a phone call with a bride doing a planning thing, and she was like, the photographer only put uh 10 minutes for her first look. Is that like not a lot of time at all?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:27

So for the first look itself, I was like for the first that's fine.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:30

It was like for the first look itself, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:32

I'm and then we're doing photos of you guys right afterwards, right? So then that's probably the next step.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:37

I was I asked him, I was just like, well, uh you know, I asked the the groom was on the call too. I'm like, groom, are you gonna cry? Like, are you gonna get super emotional when you see her? And he's like, uh This one's probably her. All right, I guess we gotta go pick up our daughter. We'll talk about this later.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:55

Parenting things. We'll actually talk about what happened after.

unknown 1:05:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:58

Well, that wraps up today's episode of for better or worse.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:01

Yeah, we had to kind of cut it off abruptly.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:04

I'm in different clothes now.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:06

Yeah, we had to leave suddenly to go pick up our daughter from school. Hooray. She got into a fight.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:12

Yeah. Not an actual one. She stood up for herself and then got upset. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:15

So we had to go pick her up. Which is fine. Um, so that's where I think we said everything that we need to say anyway, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:20

Yeah, no, I think we're good.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:22

Cool.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:23

All right.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:23

Don't forget to RSVP to this channel by clicking subscribe and to be notified when we put out a new video, ring the wedding bell below. Bye. Bye.