Faith, Loss, and Fishing Through Rock Bottom | David Mercer

Big Dave Mercer is one of the most well-known names in Eastern NC fishing — but behind that reputation is a story most people have never heard. In this episode, Jared sits down with Big Dave and gets into the real stuff: growing up in Beulaville, building his whole identity around football at ECU, hitting rock bottom when a shoulder injury ended it all, and what happened in January 1998 that changed everything.
Dave opens up about two miscarriages, losing a stillborn son at 30 weeks in 2020, and how buying a boat in the middle of grief became one of the most healing decisions of his life. He talks about men and why we're wired to suppress emotion — and why that's destroying us. He talks about ministry, discipleship, the difference between checking religious boxes and actually being in Christ, and why the church is supposed to be people, not a place.
If you've ever built your identity around something that was taken from you — or you've been through loss and didn't know how to talk about it — this one's for you.
Big Dave is available on Facebook if you need someone to reach out to. Don't be too proud to make the call.
Timestamps coming soon.
#BelowTheSurface #BigDaveMercer #FaithAndFishing #EasternNC #MensHealth

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey guys, welcome to the Below to Surface Podcast. I got a very special guest today, Big Dave. Big Dave Mercer. If you're in the fishing world, definitely you know who Big Dave is. Actually, you've been a big hit ever since I advertised that you were coming on the show. Everybody's been excited to listen to this episode. Starving for Entertainment. Uh-uh. Big Dave, welcome, man. I'm glad to have you finally. I know we had to reschedule last week. You know, life happens. Life happens, but um we've got to get to know each other a little bit through fishing. Um, same people, do just you do the tournaments and stuff like that. So um I've been excited to have you on the show and kind of get to know you a little bit and know your story, man. Because that's that's what I'm about, man. I like to hear people's story. Um, success is different to everybody. Um, but one thing I've learned that anybody that has any success has had a lot of failures and a lot of stepbacks. Yeah. Um, and that's why I really started this podcast is to have those conversations with people. Because you start to realize, man, people are dealing with the same stuff that you're dealing with. Oh, yeah. Until you start having those conversations with people, you feel like you're an outlier. We all learn to put up a good front sometimes. You do. You feel like you're the only one struggling, and then you start talking to some people, man, like you'd be shocked on who struggles with what. Absolutely. Uh, because you think they're this strong person, then you start to get to know them, man. Like, you you deal with anxiety, you deal with depression, like really?

SPEAKER_03 1:32

Like, even before we come on air, I mentioned social media. Everybody puts their best day out there, and it's like a so fake. And I I love it because, you know, life experience. I've I've got a lot of friends all over the country from playing ball in college and and just crossing paths different ways, but right, I get to stay in contact with them, you know, and kind of keep up with what's going on with life. We might get to talk much, but uh, if something happens, I I know, hey, I need to call them or I need to make contact right at the same time. It's like anything, it can be used for good, and it can it's it's got its downfall.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

It is, man, it's like the same thing with AI these days. Oh, same thing. But social media, man, like I've always tried to use it for good, but that's another reason for this show was to put stuff out there that's real. Because like you do see like people like to just show their success and nothing else. They don't want to show that deep stuff, and like I mean, that's what people relate to. You know, like it's like how can I connect? That's where that connection is made, is really through the down in the faults of life. You know, you're in that gutter, you know, and we all go through it, and you go through it multiple times throughout your life. You never know when you're gonna fall right back into it. That's that's the scary thing, but it's having faith that you know when you do, you can get right back out. Um I got you to fill out the intake form, which I get everybody to do. Oh, yeah, which I love because it gives me some little bit of information on you because you know, I don't know you deep like that for sure. Um, you know, I'm getting to know you deeper as everybody else does on the show. Uh so tell us a little bit about you in the beginning, like you as a child, you know, um, how were you as a child, and you know, how did your childhood kind of shape you your your today?

SPEAKER_03 3:11

Well, I had a great childhood, two great parents, and they were uh they both were grew up very my mom especially kind of hard and poor. I mean, she was backside of Jones County, dad died when she was 10. Oh well. You know, 40 acres, eight or nine kids still at home. It was it was a lot. So uh my dad, he he maybe a little bit better circumstances, but they were just, you know, poor folk. They didn't know they were poor. They had farmers, they had a tobacco they had a tractor or two, and life was, you know, pretty good. My dad almost died when he was fifteen from appendicitis. I found out he got you know gang green. It's pretty pretty pretty much said they gave it up on him, and my granddaddy raised a little sand when they first come out with like the wound vax. Okay, they brought one to him from Cherry Point. It was military development, and that helped, I guess, save his life. But uh 15. So he kind of got he was the youngest of his family, so he got babied a little. I'm the youngest of mine. So baby little. I may have got babied a little. I got a but mom dad, good, they were very successful. Okay. And sometimes I maybe didn't know what to do with all their success. You didn't and red money, you don't know how to handle it, but uh they did very well for themselves and uh very, you know, very grounded, you know, old country folks live outside of the thriving metropolis of Beelaville, North Carolina, you know. Old fool Beaville. Uh they uh very good to great upbringing, you know. We were taught you know respect and right and wrong and you know, consequences. Yep. Thank God for a brother that's four years older because he was the middle rebayest child. I got a sister that's thirteen years older. Oh wow. She graduated high school in the spring and I started in the garden in the fall. So she's nine years older than my brother. She calls it the good old days, you know, before we came along because she was super spoiled by daddy. Yeah, but yeah, because she's good. She was big people for a while. Yeah. Good people. But uh my brother's four years old and he was a rebayus middle child. So I would it was like, I gotta be smarter than that or a lot more sneaky, and it was a little bit of both. Yeah. Because he would he would try try my mama. And you just learn from every from both of them. So I just kind of watched, and my older sister was like a second mama, you know. She was she was very, you know, you know, dad worked at night, mom and dad's their business, they worked a lot at night, and uh dad was in sales and stuff a lot. He was good. I wish he was still around, man. You would love him. Uh he's mentored a lot of people. He was he told cookware was his main thing. Okay. Then the home administration at the high end, like uh stainless steel cookware. And he said, I run into people fishing. Uh one guy uh went fishing, we got to talking about it. He was like, You came to my house when you were like 12 or 30. I used to go help you. Yeah. And somebody I'd known from fishing down in the Jacksonville area. I remembered going, him and his wife just got married, and they bought this expensive set of crazy. And this is 30 years later, they're still using it. It's still good, and that's what he liked about it anyway. But he he was very successful in that, like, number one in the world for several years. Like, yeah, like big time, especially in the late 60s, 70s. He did it off and on his whole life, pretty much. Uh successful, mentored a lot of people, got it on uh Downey Homes and Realties, got all those places. Uh he's actually akin to us, but my dad gave him his first job in sales. He thinks a lot of my dad, and he's uh, you know, I said every time I see him, he'll say one of my dad's little quotes, you know, it just cracks me up. Yeah. But we lost him in 2012 for cancer and uh at 67, he's a month before 68. My mom uh she just turned 82, but she's uh had some issues the last three or four years, cognitive decline, wound up being a physical ailment that caused it, and they didn't catch it for a long time. She had uh normal pressure hydrocephalus. Okay. Almost like she had too much pressure on her brain. Okay. And it was presenting. They thought she had Parkinson's and they started this strong regiment, and she was just, you know, losing her balance. She fell, broke her hip just because she just lost her balance, you know, and uh things started showing up, but it took a while to get diagnosed. So unfortunately, she's in a nursing home, or fortunately, I still got her. I can eat lunch with her, you know, once a week when I can. But she's uh but they had a you know, they were blessed in a lot of ways. They they worked, they developed, and they raised a family. Dad did different sales, he did very you know other side hustles, man. He he could have written a book, man. Yeah, yeah, some just awesome stories about him and my mom, and she just they got along well, you know. Daddy was pretty laid back, you know, just nothing bothering him on the surface. I'm sure it did down deep. My mom was always kind of into worrier and nagger, a little nag-nag nag, you know, and dad's just like, whatever. The sun don't come up, it'll be dark tomorrow. You know, so they mixed together, and I'm gonna mix of both of them enough that I couldn't have like somebody as extreme as my mom or my dad. So anyway, I grew up, of course. I was a big guy. I was born, they brought me home from the hospital. I was born 10 pounds, eight and a half ounces, about 22 inches long. I was in a nine-month-old outfit. They loved to tell that story and said the buttons were pulling on it because I and nothing's changed. I'm still big, and uh so that was dying, big day. You know, call you big. That's fine. You know, well, yeah, I mean now it just became a name now. Yeah, it's just a you know, a lot of people don't know my last name, but we you grew up and uh later and you know, played kid, t ball, baseball, whatever. So we had back then was uh we didn't have like the little league like anything else, but a soccer club came along later, but uh too much running, not enough pushing and shoving for that. But uh started playing, you know, started getting a go into football. My brother played, he was a good athlete, he's better built than I am. My brother, I mean, I'm 6'8, 400 plus, man. I'm way out of shape and uh shot my knees down playing ball all in the years, but he uh my brother's 6'4 in high school he's about 240. And now he's probably two but he's the type of guy that he's two, two fifty, two sixty, he'd go to the gym for three months and put on 10 pounds of muscle. I mean, he's just got the genetics and all that. Yeah, but uh he he he didn't love it, he didn't see it through. He was getting recruited, you know, to play some ball and he didn't play this in your high school. He he started chasing other things, I guess if we should say, and that and just didn't have the love for it. Well I loved it, you know. And I started playing in seventh grade. We didn't have middle school middle school, we had junior high, so we didn't have sixth grade team. So I started, I was beginning now, 12 years old, I guess, starting seventh grade, 6'4, 6'3, 6'3, 290 pounds. Seventh grade? Yeah, 12 years old. And I didn't realize how big I was. I was like a big, what, a chewed up bubble gum. You know, I was soft as butter, you know, I was a baby, you know. My brother tormented, he was making me tough. Yeah. You give me a fit, you know. So but I, you know, looked up to him playing ball, and you know, and so I started playing, and you know, that big and strong, got a little bit of desire, you know, you gotta be great, but I developed into it. I remember my first, you know, did weightlifting meets. I went to a JV weightlifting meet in eighth grade and I don't know if I wanted her to play third against JVs throughout the eastern part of the state, you know. Big and strong, just high school, you know, played football, smart. I mean, junior high was president of the beta club, you know. I was I was naturally very smart. And that I attribute that to my brother. He was a little, he slacked off some, he was four years older, he was earning his multiplication tables. Well, he didn't do them like he was supposed to. And the teacher called my mom. So my mom's like, you know, on a Friday, she's uh, well, give him the test again Monday and see how he does. And I heard the multiplication tables repeated over and over for two days, and you know, I was correcting him, you know. But I catch on to stuff like that, and I've always been really good in math. Yeah. Well, all my subjects I was pretty good in if I was interested at all, and uh through high school played ball, got recruited, just started in tenth grade just because of my size, and then at uh coaching change in junior and senior year, and really, you know, started visiting places, you know, got letters from here to Hawaii, you know, just went to, you know, come down to state ECU, you know. I'm going to ECU, but I graduated top ten of my class. Didn't open a book hardly. I mean, I need my butt kicked. You know, looking back, I'm like, gosh, you know, you don't realize the potential because you're doing so well sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

It's true.

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Just like on the football field. I mean, I was when I graduated, I was six eight, three hundred and fifty pounds, you know, and been working out for five years basically. Wasn't that fast. I'm not built for I always say I'm built for pleasure, not for speed. You know, like these big boats out here, you know. But I but I could, you know, I could hold them on and it was pretty strong and and uh did what I was supposed to do. Biggest thing, just be a good person, you know, what I was taught to be. And so I started to find them a real identity in football. So wound up uh going to ECU. I was I didn't get a scholarship horn quick enough. And I knew, you know, I worked hard, but I just weren't, you know, but I had to go there and prove myself. So it really meant something to do that too, to not only just to last through preseason, because man, we was way in and out. We have two morning practices, one in the afternoon. After two morning practices, we lose 15, 20 pounds that day in the summer. It was it was grueling, you know. I stuck with it, and a couple times I wanted to come home. I could have just, you know, went to school and done. Right. But I thought I stuck it out and you know, made the team gained some respect, and then the spring ball did really well that first year, and coming in my second year, got a little injury, and I hurt my shoulder, and it was just like I just worked my way up to getting into rotation something. You know what I'm saying? You scout team, then you get into the rotation, and you turn some head, you know, and I wasn't great, but I was holding my own against some guys that played in the league, you know. Yeah. And it was turning, it was getting some attention, so I was like, things are coming together, and landed funny on my shoulder during a preseason practice, and it's kind of like you just kind of get pushed to the back of the line, and then you know, the next few months of just trying to work my way back. Already started out behind the eight ball, and man, and a failure. Failure happened, you know. I couldn't compete there, and I realized it and then started messing with me mentally and depression and worthlessness, and I built my whole identity around that. All my friends in college, you know, played ball together, you did what you're supposed to do together, you hung out together, you partied together, whatever. It was a we were taught to be a family. I loved Coach Logan. I mean, it was tough, but I learned a lot about me and had to go through the ringer and kind of hit rock bottom after uh wound up leaving the team at the end of that season, and uh the next four four months were grueling. Rough. Yeah. And that's part of my faith story too. I had to kind of get get to a point that, you know, because you know, did what I was supposed to grow up. We went to church, you know. I love Jesus. You know, ask me, yeah. Baptized, you know, yeah. Yeah, I knew it. I knew the story, I knew it all. You know, I knew it. And I, you know, I checked the boxes of everything and from you know, I compare it to like Legos. You can build a stuff, some people can, I can't, but they build stuff at Legos and they make awesome masterpieces. I had all the pieces, but I didn't have the base what like it should have been, so it could never stand on its own. So it would be taken apart and rebuilt by somebody that uh knew what they were doing. And if the Lord knows this in and out, he designed us were built in his image, he intimate with each one of us. And I come to that point in January '98. And I did continue playing ball, went up to Cholon College there in Murfreesboro. It was division three. They'd been division three like four years, hadn't won two games hardly. And uh another buddy from ECU was going there, his buddy from Waffle was coming to this guy that went to state. It was a walk-on that was a man. He just, if he was three inches taller, he'd probably play in the league, but he just didn't. We all come together and had a, you know, I needed to get away from Greenville and and home. I needed somewhere away from everything to kind of and it was really it worked really well. Made some good friends there. We had some good times. We had the first win in the season. It was a four-year school and uh had some fun. It was like playing high school again almost. Yeah. But and that kind of direction changed and uh didn't really have it all figured out and still don't, but uh I I knew I had a calling later in '98. And then I've been I don't say struggling with it, but I've been trying to figure it out since because it's later different seasons comes along with that, and from just meeting with a youth group and trying to tell them about your life and stumbling through it to standing before, you know, a whole bunch of people and trying to convey truth to them in a way they can understand it. Right. Because that's the biggest thing. We talked about being relatable on the podcast. Being relatable's that's that's I mean, anybody can read some scripture, but make it relatable and tell the story where and I think God's gifted me in that. So and discovering that you still uh I think the word's the imposter syndrome. Sometimes you're up there and you're like, what am I doing up here telling these people anything? Because I'm I'm terrible. I'm I'm I'm messed up. You know, you you get kind of like am I putting on a facade, then you're like For sure. Then you read the Bible and everybody God used was messed up. You know Amen. I mean, my name is David, King David, prime example, man. He was but all of them, man, they we're all broke and we all you know come up short, but that's where you know the scripture where it says, you know, in our weakness his strength is made perfect, because if we could do it all ourselves, it would be about us and not about him. So that's kind of a quick snapshot. But like I said, I was a lot smarter than I probably act sometimes, and uh good in the classroom. That's translated into my career, you know, good at math and science and stuff. I just you know, stuff I'm I I read, but I don't like reading. I don't read a bunch of extra books right now, never have them. Just not a right, it's gotta really if it draws me out, sit there and read the whole book and the same way. But some stuff just reading for fluff, I call it, and trying to, yeah. How does this make you feel? It makes me feel like I could have been fishing instead of reading. I'm gonna be honest with you. I could have been doing something. I'm like, okay, cool story, you know, whatever. But then if it's something I'm interested in, even in even administrating stuff, when I'm reading stuff like that, it's got to grab me. And if it does, man, I'm all about it, then I'll decided to, you know, my major kind of went from looking at maybe. I first started, I was into environmental biology type stuff, you know. We grew up in Ducan County, hog farms, you know. You know, there's always controversy, but man, if I get involved in that industry and might bridge some gaps, make some things, but that's kind of where I first started out, and then failed to call in, and I was went from toward religious studies, and that was different. And then I yeah, I finished my second year of football at Chowan. Actually, you know, football was done. Uh, parents are getting older, uh a few health problems a little bit showing up, and I'm like, you know, moved back home, transfer to my office of college, do tech actually for a BS rather than being a Bachelor of Arts Science where something's applied. Yeah. Take some minute do ministry courses and I pretty much worked three days a week, went to school two days and two nights. Uh I spaced it out and I started working wherever, or took care of hog farms. I washed cars for a guy that had a car lot and went to the sales with him on certain days. I actually got to the point where I was going around checking the cars at the auction to make sure everyone went and shipped. I mean a little bit of everything mean. Uh whatever I do, I helped the guy drill wheels. You know, he did wheel drilling service, uh small local guy around home and did that. And uh whatever I could do, it just always worked out there was something there for me to do, but work had to be done. Correct. And uh did all that, graduated from Mount Olive, you know, my dad liked to joke, but I did have a, you know, a BS in church ministries, and I I stayed, I could have graduated earlier, but I stayed and got a minor in Christian education. And uh a lot of good courses of that weren't even religion related. Uh interpersonal relationships and psychology is probably one of my favorite classes I took in college. Because it talked about how we communicate in different ways we communicate. I mean the most beneficial right now, too. Man, what you say and what you don't say, you know, how you know, and even now counseling couples that are going to get married or having marital problems, I mean, or or things like that, it comes down to communication most of the time. We don't know how to communicate, and you know, guys, if we we'll shut down, women will, you know, get emotional and we don't know how to deal with that, and just it talks about, you know, in any situation, whether it's you know, between two people, between husband and wife, work relationship, or between us and God. There's a time to listen and a time to talk, and and and then the nonverbals and stuff that was really interesting. So I've I've probably used that a lot more than I have any of the rest, but uh but you listen more than you talk, it's probably you got two ears, right? Yeah, I mean that's that's I've had it said a long time. Should be, should be. But it you know, it talked about how most of us, you know, we listen to respond rather than listen to hear it. You know, it was just you know, at that point in life I needed it, I guess, and I think everybody probably does. Uh you can tell I'm not short on words, I feel like I've been rambling already, but uh but yeah, I graduated in uh December of 2001. So my dad said I took four good years of college and crammed it into five and a half, you know. But no, I just that was some, I mean, my grades were terrible at DC. You guys football was my identity, and you get that identity wrapped up, you know. It's okay for that to be a good portion of your identity. But the problem with me was my identity had always been trying to be what everybody else wanted me to be.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

Even growing up being a bigger guy. I mean, I'm huge, you know, I didn't see myself that way as much, but then you know, you go to school and stuff, and you know, you don't realize it, and then then you know you get up in age and you know you start noticing and you feel inferior in some ways or something, or something, you know, you're different because everybody was, especially guys, will poke at one another. Right. And uh I always felt like I had to do something to make people accept me. I don't know why. I think a lot of people have that. And uh I think a lot more people than you think. I'd be uh I'd be whatever one people want to be in the moment, which you know it's good that I went to church and I was that good guy that you know, hey, there's so and so going on, I'm I'm going with David, and you know, I'll go right ahead, you know. But David weren't always, you know, David went always. But uh but even then you always you know be respectful toward people and try to do the right thing, you know. And I was appreciative for my upbringing and that, but also, you know, I had that sneakiness and that, you know, I would be whatever I felt like I needed to be for everybody to say, good job, you're you're you're a good person, you're a good friend, you're a good man, and I was slowly decaying internally. You know, and it was there you kind of become that dichotomy, and and we still wrestle with that. Every day. Every day. Every day. Um I got cut off on the way here, a lady like running off seventy a while ago, and but Lord bless her. But I mean, it's like I had to get on the horn and almost hit the median, and then I got looked at like I'd done something wrong. You know, I'm sorry I couldn't share that part much of my lane with you, but uh We're trying to change, man. She just wanted to ride in both of them. She just wanted to be able to do it. I travel a lot for work, man. I'm on the road. I cover uh 12 counties from uh Brunswick all the way up to Halifax, basically. And so I'm on the road a lot. And that's probably one of my most trying things is bad drivers. And uh tests your patience. Because there's a lot of bad ones. Yeah, there's a lot of people. Well, not paying attention to many distractions, not doing what we should. And you know, that's that's a lot of things in life. But uh anyway, graduated from college, made it out of there, wound up working here and there, working different jobs. Uh one time I was taking care of a guy's hog farmer today, and at night I was working at a pharmacy that goes to all the rest homes, nursing home prisons and stuff. I ran a route for them, you know, at night, and I would work, get home two or three in the morning up to get up trying to hustle, but I knew that weren't what I was supposed to be doing. Wound up getting involved a little bit at a manufacturing facility, we're doing machining. I was really interested in maybe learning that because I was big to say math and geometry. I was about to say that. And I was there, I guess a year, but right at the end of that year, they were gonna send some folks to school, and I was supposed to go, and they kind of was like, you know, kind of got pulled at back, and I was like, man, I ain't gonna sit there and just run these parts forever. I got I got to learn more. I was hungry for the knowledge of it and know-how, the science behind it, you know. Right. That's what I wanted. I want to be a button pusher. And uh and uh but I got some experience, you know, different things and uh learned a lot of things about that and quality control, you know, while you were working, and then looking at jobs. I saw a state job opening for uh they were actually doing test wheels around there, and it was based out of Kinston, was you know, 25 minutes from home. I was like, you know, that'd be interesting. I've had experience drilling wells, you know. I was there with an interview, and a buddy of mine was working for a paving company doing the nuclear gauge compaction, cutting cores. And uh he saw my truck and he called me. What are you doing? I was like, I was looking at a job, you know. He said, uh, what are you looking to do? And I told him, you know, he said, We're looking to hire somebody to go in our lab to test asphalt in the laboratory.

SPEAKER_02 24:03

And I was like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:04

He was like, I'm not ready, but I know we went to school together a year younger, one of my good friends, he's like, I know how sharp you were in math and stuff. He said, You can get this. And I thought, well, I'll call and talk to him, you know, because state wheel drilling apprentice that, you know, weren't paying much, but it was a a place where I feel like I could grow, yeah, climb the ladder, you know, I'd be able to get my certifications. I was really good at stuff like that. And I went in and talked to them, and the next week I was at an asphalt plant to learn how to test asphalt, and that was an O, I think 04. And two years later I was at a different company, pretty much leading their quality control, smaller company, but same testing, the same, probably a lot more headache because you're only one in charge of the quality control and making sure everything got done with the state and you know, got crews out and making sure that what they're doing. And a couple years after that, I was designing mixes and designing asphalt because it's it's a real asphalt's real nerdy, and there's a lot more to it. I know you guys get frustrated, especially in the newborn area with uh construction, but there's a lot to it. There really is. I'm sure it is. You know, we see those guys standing, I always get the jokes now. You know, you've got holes to shovel us, and I don't even have a shovel no more, I just ride around, you know. But there's a lot to it, and you got some guys standing there that can't do anything except observe and notate because if something goes wrong, somebody's gonna sue somebody, you know. Yep. But uh got into that and like I say become quality control manager there and stayed there till 2014. Kind of got burnt out. Yeah. Got married in 2010. Wife of Amanda, we just had 16 years last Friday, you know. She's a blessing, and we'll get into that in my life later. But uh we'd uh got married in 2010, buried a couple years, and tried to start a family, and difficulty came, I think 2013, and two miscarriages back to back and emotional strain, you know, marriage strain, and just you know, hurt, pain, disappointment, you know. Well, I can't understand why two folks like you wouldn't, you know, why why would that happen? You know, you know. Hey man, things happen to everybody, you know. No matter who you think you got it together, something happens. He only knows. You know. We had one in eight, I think April and one turned around September. So we got pregnant twice and something went wrong. It was different each time. It was like early on, it was like, you know, living life 2014. I was kind of burnt out, wanting to life change. God was dealing with me. Uh I knew I'd called in ministry. I'd interim pastored at a church that I went to for most of the time. The pastor went up leaving. There was some issues, you know, and the ugly side, because we're up, we're people, man. There's people there, and people are going to mess up. And sometimes God, I think, does that. There's a lot of people following him, not following, you know, he was a great dude. One of my mentors, thank the word of him still. Yeah. Call him up today and say, you appreciate him. But uh he had some issues. We all do. And uh tough time. So I had to first meet me and my wife were engaged and I found out, you know, some things going on. I was gonna be, by design, I was kind of in a I'd been ordained in 03 at three at church. It was more of an independent church, but it had a pretty stringent set of things that had to be accomplished, and uh I was kind of an associate minister there or whatever, and uh yeah, I was there, I spoke a lot, did whatever. Didn't really went around, did a lot of other stuff at other places, whatever I was needing, man. I've always been that guy that's tried to be the Swiss Army knife. You know, if you need me, I'll try to I'll I'll try. I'll fit, you know, I'll make it work for you. Right. And uh so we were engaged, and uh here I am, you know, for a year I was in her and pastor at church, and halfway through that we got married. So that was a lot, and she she moved here from from Kansas actually. It was a while. We met online, dude, and people like we actually started talking through one of those, you know, Christian mingle or something. And neither of us thought going, you know, you're just like gayest persons and whatever. North Carolina is Kansas. And uh it's an interesting story that God brought it together. But uh we just kind of pin paled almost. What better way to get to know somebody? You're not there trying to put on a show or trying to just like a month or so before I even said, you know, let's talk on the phone, you know. You know. So it was like a month where you even heard her voice. Yeah. Yeah, I weren't rushing, you know, we kind of knew each other, we kind of seen each other pretty close to the internet, you don't you know what to expect, you know. And it was kind of you know, just just never, you know. It's worlds apart, you know. Yeah, all I know. And then uh that was oh eight and oh nine. I bought my first house and I was remodeling it and trying to get ready to move into it. It was an older house. Uh a buddy of mine's in the housing business, he'd done some work out, got this house, and uh he wanted it because his mom had some land behind it that was landlocked. So he buys this and he cuts out it right away and pretty much gives me an excellent deal. And actually he funded the remodel so I wouldn't have to do two longs because it was a lot of work that had to go on in the house. And uh, so I'm here, you know, kind of caught in the middle. You know, it's his, but I'm working on it, putting time, money, injury. He's financing the big stuff himself, you know. Thank you, God, for friends like that. Oh, absolutely. I can't have much time and effort to say, but we did a lot of work to it, had some people work on it. We did a lot of work. My brother's very handy. He uh he helped me out a lot. We uh so her and I are talking more and getting, you know, I was like, look, I'm gonna go out and we're gonna meet and go on a date and give it a shot. But this is where I'm at. I can't do anything to the house closes because I cannot, you know, plays are being focused. This is if I leave here and go there, that's all I'm gonna think about is work, you know. I don't want that. So she actually came on vacation down Emerald Isle in April, and uh, you know, no strings attached, we'll go on a date. I got a friend of mine's parents got a bed and breakfast, and uh got you a place there, whatever. No expectations. Right. Picked her up from the airport on a date, and it was a little awkward. I'm sure it was awkward for both of us. I mean, I was but we were already kind of being ourselves and you know, had a couple conversations, and from Friday to or Thursday or Friday, I can't remember, till Sunday when it was time for to leave. We both hated to say guy, say bye, you know, and finished the house, closed on it, and a couple months later went and went up there, met her family. Her dad was out of town. He uh he worked with John Deere Corporate and he set up the warehouse and logistics and he you know he he was actually in Iowa. Oh, okay, well, Iowa too. It was weird logistics going on. He uh So he was out of town for work because he went up and did a lot of you know worked all over the world really. His last assignment was India setting up the warehouse, you know, and logistics stuff, man. He's he's a very smart guy. And so I met her mom, met her brother. Her brother, you know, she was a couple years younger than her, but he he played ball here at Kansas State. I mean, he's a man, he's 6'6, 200 back then, 280 pounds of solid muscle, about like my brother, you know. He's like very protective of her, you know. We met, it was it was cool. We kind of bonded, you know, and it was like I meet her dad, you know. So closed on the house, we're you know, gone there and met him. Relationship was building, you know. The next time I visit, I'm carrying a ring with me. Oh boy. Yeah. So I was like, hey, uh, nice to meet you, sir. Uh kind of bring your daughter. And he actually told me, he said, the Lord settled it with me. He said I'd I was afraid I'd mess this up for you when I weren't able to meet you back in June. I was like, that helped, but I was still nervous, you know. Yeah. And uh we bonded, you know, football. Her her dad played at uh Purdue in the 70s. So he played football there, and uh her uncle worked for the Packers. So I got several years of uh at Christmas time, we'd go up and for the Christmas party at our uncles and go see the Packers play. That's awesome. And the first year we were married, they won the Super Bowl 2010. We could have got tickets, and I was like, you know, we were fresh married six months, not even a year, maybe, you know, well, nine to ten months. Yeah, it costed so much. That was in Dallas down at, you know, and it was I started looking it up and to get a hotel two hours away, I didn't rent it for a week. It was I mean, we figured it up.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

It's not cheap.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

Eight or ten grand. That's what us getting the tickets from our uncle pretty much cost. Pretty pretty cheap. But uh, I was like, we could, we talked about it. She's like, I don't want to go and debt.

unknown 32:36

Right.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

But I had a big love for football and her family with us too, so we kind of bonded there. And um, but it's been a wild story, man. But she uh here she is, you know, never been off the concrete. I'm a redneck, she's moving to Beulleville, North Carolina. So that was pretty wild. How'd you pull that one off? I don't know, I reckon it was my sweet dancing skills and good looks. Uh I don't know. I looked in the mirror a long time ago and said, big boy, you better be funny and and and grow a personality, you know. But uh Was it always a decision for was it always her here and you not there? When we talked about it, you know, with my job being grounded and my family, her family's scattered. Yeah. She had a brother that lived so far away, her sister, I think, was still in college, and they were, you know, family here and there, Chicago, you know, all spread throughout the country. All my the majority of my family lived on two one-mile stretches of two different roads ten miles apart. And obviously, you know, we talked about it, and I was like, you know, I'm building, got a house here, I've put time, money, effort, and stuff I like to do is here, and I weren't being selfish, but you know, I was like, she didn't like I said, she'd never been off the concrete a whole lot.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

And uh but it also makes sense too. Like if you're getting married and looking for the future of a family and stuff, like you want your family close and grounded because I mean it takes a village.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

Yeah, and uh her parents, they're coming, yeah, as recording this are coming this weekend. You know, they come two or three times a year for a week, and we go up there a week, and in between, if it works out, she'll go up and uh spend some time. But they're they're retired. He's her dad's retired, her mom's semi-retired, she retired, but she still works a couple days a week. She's a physical physical therapist and uh works for geriatric patients, and you know, just it's a different world, Iowa, and uh they've been in Iowa, like I said, and uh she moved all over the place her whole childhood, and I went to college and came home, you know, then moved five miles away. Yeah, it was different, you know. Yeah, she's the oldest of her siblings, I'm the youngest, so you know, babies get spoiled. Opposite track, man. Yeah, and it it's worked out, and uh, you know, like any marriage, we've had our tense moments and uh was there any benefits of some good hunting? Man, uh I had hunted up there and she's got one uncle that hunts a little bit, and he's kind of black sheep of the family, I guess. And uh me and him got along great, but uh no. But uh it's different hunting out here. I had uh they used to hunt hounds and stuff, but she never shot a gun until she met me.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

Really?

SPEAKER_03 35:02

First visit she had, we uh went and shot some guns with my nephew, shot 22 or 17 or something. That's crazy. First day she went hunting after we were married, 10 minutes in. I go to a little corner, got a couple deer hounds to turn them out. Deer comes out and she smokes, she's smoking 10 minutes into hunting. She killed a first deer ten minutes in, and she's like, It happened so fast I couldn't get nervous.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

Women have an eye for it though. They really do.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

Like my nailed, he was running, she nailed him right dead centered.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

Yeah, we were I was trying to sight in a rifle uh, I don't know, back in November, and my wife's never shot a gun before. I was sitting there struggling to trying to get it sight in, and she grabs a holding like dead center, boom.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

I'm like Yeah, she killed one uh a few years ago, uh 2015 maybe. It's like a seven-pointer, but it was 225 pounds, which is huge for our area, you know. Oh, absolutely. North Carolina, you don't get a lot of huge bodied deer.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

Oh, I was hoping you were gonna tell me you had some secret hunting ground in Iowa.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

Uh that hadn't happened yet. Her brother's big into duck hunting. He's he's he's uh he's been very successful, and he uh he's on part owner of a very well-known hunting ground out. He's in uh they live in like Lower Central Illinois, and he uh he's big into duck hunting. I'll just say that. And Habitat Flats, he's part owner of. Oh wow. Oh yeah, so he hadn't asked me to go duck hunting yet. Um that's not my league, yeah. I just I don't want to stress him. He don't get there. He's he's a financial guy, very high, yeah, very high stress job. And actually he recruited me into that. Uh say 2014 come along, I was kind of just burnt out and I was looking a different direction. What it was is God was trying to maybe move me, but I was trying to move everything else, you know. Yep. Because I'd been through some stuff and just kind of want to, you know, be a good Christian, be a good person, be a good church person, fill in, teach Sunday school, do whatever I needed to do to help out, but I weren't fully committed, you know what I mean? And surrender, so to speak. I think that's a good word. And uh that's what it was looking back, but I was just, you know, he's talked with me a few times, you know, the background working with my dad. I mean, I was going to people's houses at 12 years old and helped them sell cookware and cleaning their kitchen, you know. We had to leave it spotless just like I found it, and or better. And late nights going on, you know, if we're in a football season, you got off work, we went to work with daddy and you got home at midnight, and that's what you did. And we all took turns at that. And uh learn learn some things in that, learn how to deal with people, because my dad was a classic dude. He was so funny, and so he had such great w ways of dealing with people. When uh he would set up maybe even back then when the uh say the flea markets weren't so fleish, but he would go set up somewhere like that at a big flea market just to display it, and he wouldn't try to sell, he was wanting to get leads to go demonstrate it because you're not gonna buy, and it was expensive. Yeah, you're not gonna buy a silver flea market, yeah. But but it he would show or pay for itself, and it would last guaranteed for your lifetime if you pester your kid. He liked that because he said the only problem you get to sell one unless they buy it for their kids. That family's probably not buying another one unless the kids buy later. And and I've run into people fifty fifty years ago, bought cookwork from my dad and still using it, so that was cool. But he would go set up and talk to people, get leads, he can call them back, hey, you want me to come cook for you? No obligation, I'll give you, you know, in home sales. And that was that was a tough job. And uh he had a knack for it. But that was a guy, he was talking to a lady, and they're having this guy that had a booth down the way, selling knockoff and over shirts or something, you know. He's like, he keeps butting in because he won't hit on this lady. He was like, How much is it? And they was like, Don't worry, you can't afford it. And the guy was like, What? And daddy was just trying to I didn't it was beautiful, and he was like, What? And he finished his conversation. This guy was really trying to hit on the lady and was interrupting my dad's conversation. Dad's like, You is this is high-end stuff you can't afford. And he came back, well, how much you know this one's like, you know, this small one right here is like fifteen hundred bucks. This is in the early 90s. Yeah, you know. What you mean? And the guy came back, he was like, I want that small set and cash. Daddy was like, Are you sure that's expensive, man? He was like, Yeah, I want it. Tell me, I can't afford something. He buys them, I daddy put them in his pocket and gave him his box, and he walked off. He said, Well, he showed me, didn't he? I said, Yeah, man, he showed you. He had that personality though. He could he could say, 'Oh, I said Eskimo, you know. But he always sold a good product and something where he didn't have no recourse. He didn't want people coming back. And, you know, it was always the highest quality. There was a couple companies that really he only ever dealt with. And one of his best friends, who I'm my middle name is named after, wound up being the president of one of those companies. But dad, like me, he wanted to stay around home. He didn't want to go to New Jersey, he wouldn't, you know, for his thing. But uh, I was actually named after one of his best friends that they were in that industry in the 60s and 70s and 80s and right on up. And uh he wound up being the president of the company, and there was like two worlds colliding, you know, when he would come down to visit my dad, country boys, you know, outside of Beulah, and you got this guy that's got this big yacht that lives in Jersey, and dad's like, nah, that weren't the life I wanted.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

No.

SPEAKER_03 40:07

Well, it's different for everybody, right? It is, man. But he he had, you know, but he he was a homebody and very interesting guy, man. He could write a book on stuff, just the intercounters he had, but he he sold that guy's cookware before that guy realized it. Weren't even trying to sell cookware that day, just wanted to get leads. That's a good salesman, man. He he was that way. He was very, very funny. All my friends, we always, you know, miss him. We joke around about him, but he gave me my love for fishing, too. I had no idea the noose river had anything in it besides Brim and Bass. Bryce's Creek was our haven, man. Little tri-hole boat. Yep. 50-60. Well, we had a 55 Chrysler and it broke down every other trip. Found out the guy was putting actually putting a starter, something in the starter in wrong, it was sheared a pen. And then my mom went with him one time. And like I say, my dad would uh haywire anything together. He was made money, but he was tight and thrifty, and he was not a mechanic, not a farmer, and really, not a not a uh carpenter, but he uh but he would, you know, just try to get by and my mom went with him and about every other trip and get pulled in and had this little tri-hole, had the stick steering on it, you know. Yeah 14, 15 foot. My mom went with him. She's kind of I I've got a little bit of this in me. It uh it broke down with her. On the way home, she said, go buy Kentston, go order a boat motor. Go get a boat motor on this boat. I'm tired of messing with it. Yeah, she was uh tired. He made good money, but he would go buy a new set of tires. He bought a set of tires, the new ones he always drove minivans, you know, for his carry his cook weapons work better, and uh nothing better than hanging out in a minivan when my vehicle was torn up. But uh, you know, he uh oh man, where does that go? He uh you know, that butt motor or whatever, but it would there was stuff like that happened. He got the tires, you know, he went and got a U set and he would find good deals on like a set of Michelin takeoffs from a dealership that somebody wanted something bigger. And but he would go, he got some one time and uh I think the tires I knew it was like 60 bucks, and he found some 500 miles for 40 each or something. So he buys the$40 set and proud of them, and the next week he plugged one of them eight times at five dollars a pot, you know. She was the type that, you know, her washing machine or something messed up one time and she'd let him know, and he's like, nah, we'll have him just come work on it. He would have somebody to ow him a favor, come tinker on it, and it would it last a week and tear up and then call him again. He comes home and it's like we had like our back steps. We had to slide and last door the six steps going up and it's out there on the car for it. She's like, You're either gonna get me a washer or you'll wear dirty clothes. You know, you don't get a washer, you're going to blind it. He was like, all right, and he will see and they had to spend a half a day over 20 the last$20. He ordered the deal thing. It was always him, you know. He'd go to a dealership and spend it all day and walk out without a vehicle. And he just did that. And it was this thing. I think he loved it. He'd just sit there and uh we ended up, you know. My mama tells about you know, her and this guy, and they'd done deals before, and they're like, they were come down to like$100. And she's like, you know, my mom's there with him that time, and he didn't like for her to go. And after about five hours, she said, I tell you what we're gonna do. You're gonna go up 50, you're coming down 50, let's go. Ride it up and come on, you know. But they work together, man, they jilled.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

That's a perfect marriage, that's how it works. And my wife and I are the same way. Yeah, we're the total opposite. Like, she's the negotiation, and I'm not like I just the biggest reason I don't negotiate with people is because I don't want people to do it with me. Like, if I'm telling them something, it is what it is. Yeah, so I try not to do the same to people like my wife gets so mad. She'd be like, Well, what'd you buy for? What's it? Listed for. Well, you didn't ask for a hundred dollars off. I'm like, no. Like, no, I didn't. Like, or the same thing, you know, I will I'll buy something, and she'd be like Hey, did you negotiate? Did you get a good deal? I'm like, No. Like they told me the price, and that was the price, you know, like I don't know. Like, but it's it I think that's a good marriage. Like you it has to be two opposites, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_03 44:29

Yeah, there has to be. You gotta compliment one another. And one thing, you know, in the Bible it says two become one. You think about, you know, you try to fit two pieces of puzzle, they've got to fit. And what you'll notice, and we even used to do the I tell people this, you know, you can do like those personality profiles where you're extreme on some things in there, and what you'll find is over time both of you will balance out. You can see it, you know, seemed to research, they did it five years, and you know, somebody got married, they did like their personality profiles, and then they did it in five years, ten years, fifteen, and then you just see how the peaks and valleys just kind of mesh together, and you know, that's what we that's what marriage should be, you know. I had to learn it the hard way.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

Um we all do to an extent. I had to learn it hard because like when you're younger, you think a good marriage or something is you know, your best friend. And then you think of your best friend, like, what's your best friend? They like what you like, you do they do what you do, like so. You're thinking, like, man, I want a wife like that. Like that'd be awesome, right? So I got it, my I I was engaged before I got married. Um, I got engaged, I think I was I want to say 22, something like that. Um I mean, I dated her, I was engaged to her within like a year and a half. Um just because you know, I play a lot of sports too. Um when I got out of high school, I was trying to find myself and I got into bodybuilding. Um, so I met her at a gym and she competed like, you know, bikini and stuff like that. And like so like we went to the gym together, we did all this stuff together. She liked what I liked, didn't wanted to do what I wanted to do. Like, dude, we ended up being engaged for like four years. I never never made it official. She ended up leaving me because of it, just because like like every month, every year, I was like, Man, you follow me everywhere I go, like I don't get no break, like, like, and then you I learned that like hey, like this is not this is not what marriage is supposed to be. And like I I met my wife, and you're talking about complete opposites of people. Like, I'm a bull, she is sweet, you know, just very calm, but like she calms me. Oh, yeah. You know, but like before, like, you know, with my ex man, she was kind of the same personality, so like you both got amped up together. Oh, get both amped up together, you you're both bulls at the same time. Like you're like, oh, like this is not gonna work.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

Well, in my life, we've been through a lot of things, you know. Yeah, but uh, and everybody does. But one thing when I I do do a lot of weddings and the weddings I do now, you know, I have people reach out sometimes, and you know, I'm in my church, you know, I'm there first, you know. But I have people, friends and stuff that maybe people I've known now, I'm getting older, some people I felt praised or getting married want me to do the wedding. I'm proud to do it, but it's it's there's a lot, you know, that goes into time. And you know, I I joke with people, I don't know them well, I haven't seen them since high school. I'm you know, you know, their kids want to get married and they don't really attend the church. I take a chance to minister to them if I can, but I'm like, let me check my tournament schedule because you know, I work five days a week. Sundays is a super busy day at church, you know, and got a lot going on. I'm there for meetings early. So then uh after service we come back. We have, you know, except for during the summer, we'll have an evening service on Sunday. I'm helping kind of hanging out with the youth more. My wife is our youth director now, but I want to be that one male figure that's there with them or around where they're comfortable with me. And I think I got the pleasure when those kids called me a couple weeks ago, Easter weekend, wanted to talk to me. I was afraid something was wrong. You know, my wife's like, he wants to talk to you. I'm like, he wants to get baptized. He's a senior in high school, he's about to graduate, and he called me, wanted me to do it, wanted to discuss it. Well, we talked an hour, man. I was just elated. I wanted to have that comfort level that I'm not this unapproachable, you know, the stigma of I don't reproduce myself. I'm Pastor Son, so very I'm I'm I'm big Dave. And uh when we get out to nuts and bolts, I can get real with you, and I can, you know, and you're not necessarily like what I have to tell you, but the doctor gives me some I, you know, I told you I was sick for a month, man, and I finally had to get the medicine, it didn't necessarily taste good, but it got me better. It did what I needed, and sometimes we got to do that, and that's not always fun, but when you look back, it's it's what we're called to do. So it's a little tough sometimes, but I was glad that, you know, kid called me up and wants me to be the one to baptize him because we got a senior, I'm an associate pastor. We got a senior pastor, I've been an associate pastor there, I guess, four years, and we got another associate just come on board because it's a decent sized church for where we're at, you know, anywhere from 200 to 25 uh a Sunday. That's Beulleville, too. That's between Beulleville and Pink Hill. Okay. Just out in the suburbs. The suburbs. Yeah, that's uh that's growing, and that's where I'm called to be at this season of life. We've been members there since 2012. Okay. We left uh the church and it was all the issues, and I wound up being in room, you know, and we stepped back from there and and for a year we didn't really have a home church. We went to different churches. I had friends in ministry and I don't know, I needed some time to take a breath and heal, and every time we went somewhere, they were like, We can you need we need you here to do this, and I'm like, and this it was a couple miles from where I actually grew up, knew a lot of the people there, knew most akin to half of them probably, but it was like I didn't have a close relationship with them. But the Pastor Derry's been very influential. He's actually a full-time missionary now, and uh that he was there from for like 20-something years, and he's only 10 years older than me. You know, he spent him with he answered a call and actually grew up in that church and I pastored him for over 20 years, and uh he was like and he knew some things that you know that I'd been through a rough patch with you know church stuff, you know, people stuff, you know, and he's like, let's talk sometime, man. Just just give up with me, but glad to have you here. You know, he didn't he weren't pawing at me. He was more concerned about how I was doing than what could I offer, you know, how could I be used, you know what I mean? Right. Being used by God's important, being used in part of your church is important, but uh basically the relationship ain't right and with God, and you've got to have everything settled and you're going through a season of hurt. You got to you got to heal first, can't pour from the empty cup. Can't can't do it. I've tried it for years. It's tough. It don't work with you. It catches up to you eventually.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

Everybody winds up thirsty and ill. It does. Yeah. It does. And I think like, I mean, your story is it's powerful, but and and I've seen a common thing with people, because the same thing with my life is and I really don't know how to put it. I think about it all the time, and I think a lot of stuff starts out of childhood um with your calling, and I don't think you're really aware of it. Absolutely. Um You know, I didn't grow up in church a lot, but my my dad did. And the reason I didn't grow up in church a lot is my dad's my granddad, my dad's dad was a Southern Pentecostal preacher. Oh, yeah, that's where I come. I'm two uncles and so hard school, you know, you know, you know, is you know, they were very strict. Um my dad ended up running away when he was thirteen because of it all. Yeah. Um so like you know, my dad's mind was always the way he lived his life and the way his dad preached was he he was no good. It was it was no saving him. You know, it was done. You can't be good enough. It was it was done, and you know, that's kind of how that how they preached it back then. I get it. It was no, so like, but my dad was very educated with the Bible because he grew up listening and his dad pointed into it. So like and you don't even realize it. But I did, and I absorbed in it, but I was always that kid. I would always and I don't even know why, because uh we didn't grow up in church, so but I would always like go to my dad and like ask Bible questions and stuff about God, and like brother never did it, nobody else ever did, but I would always and he he would you could my dad still tell you to this day like where he thinks he's going. It's sad, it's sad, yeah. But he would still he'll still pull out the Bible and teach you it because he knows it. Yeah, um, so but I was always like I didn't know it as at the time as a kid, but you know, I've always had that relationship with the Lord in a very different way than most. Um, you know, like I've struggled and I I get a lot that from my dad too, is I struggle finding a church. Yeah. You know, um just because like I didn't grow up in a whole lot, and what I do know is from my dad. And it here's oh your year's negative. It's all here is negative, and so like you don't know how to think because there's like there there's the landscape of church now, it's like it's all over the place. You got this very strict, strict, strict, and then you get over here where it's party, party, party. Somewhere in the middle, like it's somewhere in the middle. So we struggle finding that. Like we, you know, um we're trying to get, you know, that that's our biggest goal is really getting church. But um, I've been blessed enough to I I I did have my father in that way of being able to have the Lord without being in the church. And I've kind of built my life around that is building my own um my own group of people. Like I like it's our own like in in our business we do it. Yeah, you know, like you said, you know, the guy called you the other day to baptizing. Um I have an employee that's been with me for ten years and very alcohol, drugs, you name it, just like this. But he's become like a brother to me. He's probably like 10 years younger than me, so I call him my little brother, but he uh randomly sends me a picture. I mean, he's been in prison, he's I mean been fired. I've had to fire him and then bring him back. It's been like a whole roller coaster. Um, but he was baptized and now he's the lead in his worship with a guitar. That's awesome. And I've taught it's it's a good it's a warm feeling because I've talked to him over all these years of like where he needs to be, where you need to go, how to use your talents with the guitar, like because his the his story is he grew up in church. He his his aunt raised him in church, very strict in church. Like he was in worship as a tea as a kid, as a teenager, and then he went into the military.

SPEAKER_03 55:16

Leave Beauleville and you can go to Greenville where you ain't been really sheltered, then you turn around and you you know, skull, you know. And we had a fancy term for that when I was in college, but I can't even think of it right now or something about it. You know, reality testing. When you hit the real world and you're not around your parents, and you're not, you know, it's a new thing you you know, and man, I little boy say I got a bad way with a brown look myself, you know. I remember I raised in a home that didn't drink at all. And uh my dad just never did, you know. I just saw him take a drink by accident one time and he just weren't into that because he had other people and he saw it destroy him. He was just, you know, and he was too tight to buy too tight to buy it anyway. But he was he was uh You can't negotiate people on liquor. But he was uh and we just didn't do that. My mom was raised and you know, very strict, you know, very poor, very hard, and she had a brother that died really young. And the doctor told him if you keep partying like this and running around like this, you're going to he didn't, he died. You know, her mom her dad died from a stroke when she was 10, 10 and a half, and uh high blood pressure and stuff, you know, the family were hard workers back then, you know, their diet probably wasn't the best, but I mean everyone looked lean and meaning from the outside, but you don't ever know what's going on. And he had that one out of all her kids, she had two different preachers and one that was a hey, and I mean he was like you say, in and out of trouble all the time, and and he basically alcohol he he he died, died at a very young age at that. Sunday's got a son that's my cousin, and I first met him because he's he's a little older than me, but we, you know, he went up with his mom, you know, this type of thing when his dad died, he was like, well, we ain't gotta worry about him no more because he didn't have a relationship, you know what I mean. But we actually around '98, by the way when I got saved and gave my heart to the Lord around that time, I actually our paths crossed, and we wound up wound up going to church together before it was all said and done. It was pretty wild. We're, you know, for had that relationship we didn't have when we were younger, because one, we were miles apart, and family weren't that close, things happened, you know, and uh his mom raised him, he had a stepdad, whatever, and uh, but later on, you know, we all kind of come full circle and he's and he he's come a long way. He actually had a stroke pretty young too, and about 50 years old, and uh he's recovered, he does he's uh he does body work and stuff, but uh, it's just you know, it could have could have been it, and he thought it was, and uh we never know. And uh it's just seeing things come full circle like that. But uh going back as far as my story of 2014, you know, I was looking for a change. My brother-in-law, he was working for a big, you know, retirement financial group, and uh, he'd been doing it since he got out of college, kind of did the college course with that where he was mentored in and he was doing very well in it, and he talked to me about it, and I was like, you know, I'm ready, maybe I'm ready for a change. And so I kind of went a complete, you know, complete change, you know, trying to change circumstances instead of changing me. Right. Uh been through some, you know, like I say, a couple tough years with miscarriages, and you know, my wife's going through it herself, you know, what's wrong with me, you know, you know, depression, she gained weight, she had physical problems because of that, and it was presenting, you know, and uh, and I'm like, I need, you know, I need to change, and you know, so I took that route and went and got my insurance and securities license, did the mentorship and all this stuff, and you know, in the large bastion of DuPin County here I am trying to start a retirement, you know, firm, and there's already a couple there within this firm, and they're great people, great company. Nothing wrong with it. And I, you know, I helped a lot of people while I did it. I did it about three years. Um empty. I was, you know, I was reading Ecclesiastes the last few days a little bit, and uh where he said, I've tried everything, you know, pretty much under the sun. I've tried everything that that that man could do, and I find it vanity and grasping that to win. Yep. And that was, you know, and I was I was miserable and my performance wasn't the greatest, but I had a lot of households, but there's a lot of, you know, you gotta ever a lot of people you gotta have people with money that's investable, and you get farmers and things like there's some people, and I like I say I help some people. I got some people today that thank me for helping get their stuff set up and readjusted and because they, you know. It was a season. It was a season, but at the same time it was a struggle financially because you know, you start out at the bottom, you gotta work your way up, and you gotta have big money turnover, and it's not like people, you know, they retire from up north and move to New Bern and bring their it'd be nice to have a lot local guy deal with their stuff, but they don't move to Uber County very very little, you know. Yeah. You got farms and stuff that has to keep generational wealth that reinvested to keep from, you know, so you know, but I I was hoping maybe an office would open up in a nearby bigger town, but it that weren't in the cards, and I was miserable and I had a I was actually we'd gone to uh some friends of ours, and they're out of Texas, they do missions work, and that's that's who my friend kind of does mission work alongside now, my former pastor, and they do all over the world. He drills water wells in Africa. Oh, wow. This guy in the part of year, and then he does, he's got a very great story, it's just incredible to see what they do, and you know, they go over there and predominantly Muslim countries, and they got their bringing life, you know, and they you know, they got the folks that serve under them who are basically out in areas where they would probably be killed if they knew over there. Absolutely. And I'm you know, you know, yeah, I got a crank in my neck and I want to go to church on you know what I'm saying? It's just it's just but but we went to a marriage seminar they had, it's like you know, they call the couples of destiny, and they they come and they do it and they did it down at uh Fort Caswell. We participated and enjoyed it, you know. We were getting involved in church, you know, getting, you know, getting settled in that church after a couple years, and the next year, and we participated, and it was great, and you know, recommended, you know, it was one of those things where it just weren't open. They would sell pastors in our area that were kind of associated with them. And uh, hey, what's some couples in your church that you feel like you know maybe called to serve in certain areas? And they would challenge that just by invite kind of. So it weren't like, hey, just come this thing, you know, and have it. It was you had to be asked, you know, because it was very specific and it was deep and it was good. We enjoyed it. Uh the next year they had had it again, and I was asked, I love to cook, and I was asked to go serve, you know, go absolutely, you know. So we go and we do the meals, you know, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning, we do three meals, and you know. It's a big, big undertaking, about 70 people, 70 to 80, and you're doing, you know, Friday evening you do dinner, they all kind of arrive and they have a session, then you know, Saturday you're up early and you're making breakfast, and then by the time you finish it, you're starting their lunch and then the dinner, then you kind of do a breakfast for them on Sunday. And uh it was I was there and you know, helping, doing stuff, frustrating, kind of ill, kind of, you know, with life, you know. But I was there to start, I mean I mean it weren't at that, it was just, you know, and when I do stuff, I'm very OCD, you know, I'm very or in quality control for in in some form or fashion, pretty much my whole career, regardless of it was asphalt or even in a machine shop, you know, and uh I want things in a certain order, you know, in a certain way, and you know, even that. And I was kind of kind of get bossy. My wife says I get really bossy sometimes when it comes to stuff, but uh I do, and I know I do, but there's a reason. If I have to do something, it's for a reason. And uh I got a purpose, you know, and I just gotta be this way. And here's why. If I explain why to you, you can understand, you know. Right. That's kind of the way I come, you know. I want everything laid out, so I'm not the easiest to always get along with. And there was a couple other couples there helping us, and you know, I had to lead, and I was like trying to tell them do this, do that, and it's hard to relinquish certain things, you know. Yeah, worst thing I want I want everybody to have a great experience, you know. But anyway, we were, you know, we get done at the evenings, they would be having their, you know, they would do little sessions during the day, have plenty of free time, then in the evenings they would have another chapel like session, worship service type thing with some challenging different speakers from all over the place come in. And and the Sunday morning we finished up, they pretty much did their breakfast. We had like leftover breakfast casserole from the day before I heated it up. They had yogurt, you know, continental breakfast kind of. Here's all we got. If you want something, I'll fix it. But so we got done early, got everything cleaned up, and we go catch the last, you know, I don't know, that morning session, probably an hour and a half. We catch the last 20 minutes of it. And I'm like, you know, I'm hearing them talking, I'm like, man, that's good stuff, you know. Man. It was speaking to me, and I'm just like, I'm not here to be a part of this. I'm I'm here to help, be a support, you know. Right. At the end, he was like, you know, kind of this is one of those guys that when he speaks, it kind of makes you nervous almost because he he's very gifted in certain ways, and uh he can read your mail, so to speak, I guess. You know what I'm saying? Yep. And he's not boastful in that, but he's very, you know, he's one of these guys. I mean, he's he's very in tune, and uh they were having their alter service and we kind of slipped in the back, you know, not to disrupt, and there to help minister if we needed to. You know, he was like, Yeah, some of you here, you know, you're not where you're supposed to be and you know it. You're you're chasing after the wind, and you know, said a few things, and I'm like, man, that's good stuff right there. He's he's talking to somebody. Speaking of me, but I'm not, I'm I'm just kind of and he's and I'm sitting there and I'm like looking behind you. No, I'm just sitting there, you know, and I'm like, you know, that resonates, man. Somebody's going through it just like I am. That's the way I was feeling, man. That somebody's going through it. I'm not the only one. Make me feel better. Right. Somebody else is doing the same in a few minutes and he called me out by name. He said, You ain't just here to cook, buddy. He said, God's calling you out, you know. And I was like, Yes, he did. And you know, it's time to, not that I hadn't been a part, and I know that been, but I wasn't where I needed to be. That's the thing, was we get to a place where we're, you know, satisfied, where we're just, you know, and not to go into, I don't like to say religious, but uh on the faith side when it comes to being a Christian, if you look at the word salvation, it's I've been saved, I'm being saved, and I will be saved. It's an ongoing process in our life of in it in the Bible, even the verse that says, you know, people, this can be real controversial when he says, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. We don't understand the English word for salvation and what it really means is correct. Yeah, once you give your heart to Christ, you're absolutely saved. But there's a process that goes on with you that never ends. When, you know, Paul says we go from glory to glory. You know, we you know, we go through seasons, we should be drawing closer through those seasons. Some are great and some are bad, but we got this, and churches have been terrible. About it the last 30 years, about this concept. We just want to get somebody to acknowledge Christ as Savior. And we're like, we got one. It's like, no, it starts there. You were talking about your friend a while ago. Some of my mentorship come to me. You know, everybody, everybody needs a Paul and everybody needs a Timothy. Oh, amen. We need somebody, we're, you know, just mentoring us, and we need to be the Bible. Jesus said, and I preached it last year. It's so funny. I preached it last Sunday. I weren't supposed to preach last Sunday, but I got called to go preach at the church at Oriental. I filled in there for three years, once a month at least, you know, then didn't have a pastor. I weren't called there, but I'm going to be here to help support you. Got done some good things and was able to help with a lot, but I weren't called there. So but I can come in and be that Swiss Army knife. I can I can come come bring you a message, and I was uh I preached on it. Go and make disciples is what the last thing Jesus told him. He didn't say go and check the list and make sure you get your role up around. Make disciples. Discipleship is a process. It says make disciples. That's a verb. It means there's work involved. It means I'm gonna have to deal with people, and people ain't always easy to deal with. People are people, man. You deal with a lot of people. I deal with a lot of people, y'all. Some people, I'm extroverted, very much so, outgoing. Hey, I like I like people, but after a while my people meters kind of. And I think it may be with age. I'll be 49 in November, but man, some days I just love to see my recliner and not to deal with people. It used to be go, go, go, go, go. You know, and I'm just like, and now it's like making disciples means you've got to invest in people, you've got to lead them, you know, and you've got to still be led because none of us have arrived, and we need that. We need that, you know. You were talking about it, your friend earlier. We need we need that communion with each other. You know, you said, you know, you don't have a home church, but church has been pretty messed up, but church is a people, not a place, and people's gonna have problems, people are gonna disappoint you, people are gonna hurt you, people are gonna even discipling people, man, they're gonna slip and fall. Oh man, that's but I was thinking this in the way over here, man. Grace is something that's that God offers us so much. Jesus Christ offers us so much grace, and um we're short on grace. We're in a fast-paced society. We got the internet, there's very little grace on there. Council culture, I mean, that's what they call it now. You know, if you there's no grace offered, there's no, you know, and and grace is what we need, and and and that fellowship and grace is uh we need that. We need that group, and uh I see more of that. We're doing some groups at our church, we're calling, you know, growth groups, small groups, whatever you want to call them. I don't want to it's not a cliche, it's you know churches were formed back in the days when you spent time with one another and you cared, and it don't need to be a big group. But but there needs to be the biggest thing we don't like in faith is accountability. We're free Americans, I can do what I want, you can't judge me. Read that word again. Yes, we are, we're very spoiled, and it it hurts our faith because if we don't like something, there's a church on every corner, we can jump to the next one. If we get challenged, I don't like that. Just like me, instead of fixing me, I'm gonna try to fix everything but the problem. I'll relocate, I'll change jobs, I'll change churches. Some people change wives or girlfriends, hobbies.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:19

And what I've supposed to be comfortable.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:21

No, there there's times, man, there's nothing more comfortable than the Holy Spirit, and there's sometimes nothing breaks me. And then, you know, it's almost like you want to avoid. I remember long after I got saved, man, I'd I've made some decisions that weren't, you know, Christ-like. Did some things that weren't Christ-like, and they weren't nothing terrible. If I was to tell you what they are, you'd be like, pfft. Right. But for me it was, because it I felt like I f I failed, you know, and I knew I'd done something to hurt that fellowship I had with Christ that had given himself for me, and I give myself to him, and I and it weren't nothing big, but man, it broke me. It was different then. And uh man, I I couldn't and it's almost like I didn't want to go to church because I knew we're where folks are gathering in his name. He says his presence isn't gonna be there. There's a presence you can you know that it's you can't describe it any other way, man. I remember being gathered like that, and I just didn't want to gather because I knew I was, you know, and I was just like, gosh, man. You know, but it's not that, oh gosh, man, that he's condemned me. That workout, you know, that fear and trembling means a healthy reverence for a God that created the universe. I think about Job when he was complaining to him, and God says, Well, where were you when I put the stars where they're at? Where were you when I set the oceans where they can only come here and there? And where I can do that, he he listed all that as like, you know, sometimes we need to be humbled, but but at presence, I'm almost didn't want to be around it because I knew. But there's also that grace that says, All right, you know, just like it compares him to a father. It's like, okay, son, did you learn anything? I told you not to touch the stove. Did it burn you? Does it you know, I feel yeah, you know, you you're disappointed in yourself because you feel like you disappointed me. Okay, let's get up and start over. And we don't get that in society. It's hard to get in church sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:10

Well, talking about that because you just said father. Yeah. Father figure. And is Jesus or uh a man in your life or your actual father? Um I've had I was having this conversation because like I told you, I I'm not in a church and I haven't been in church a lot of my life, but I've always I listen to preachers all the time. You know, if I'm working out or anything, that's usually what's on. I'm listening to some kind of sermon. Um I got some ones that I really like to follow. And one thing that I really caught on to, and it and I think it's a society issue, and it didn't and it because it's it's it's darted in the church. It's the lack of men standing up. And I think women have ran church for and held the church down for way too long, and it's been has caused a lot of issues. Um I got a a famo uh preacher I like to to listen to all the time, and he literally says it in a lot of his Sunday sermons is men don't leave your balls at the door. I think I'll probably because women have held on the women have been the one praying. Shout out Joe B. Martin. There you go. I like him. Yeah, I love him. I love it. I mean, he's a man's man. Um you need more of that, and like that's opened a lot of doors for me too, because I love listening, hear him, and like I said, we talked before the podcast having conversations with other people because you realize their struggles and their failures, and then you see people like Joby Martin and who they are. You look at him, he ain't a preacher. If you just look at him. No, he's not a preacher, like you would never have guessed in a million years that guy is a preacher. Um, but he's amazing, and the work that he's doing, it's it's it's he's outlining a major cause in society and church that people have not been wanting to talk about.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:21

You know, because we feminized society and the church got it too because men was like, oh, the that's the women's stuff. Well, we'll handle the business meeting and be the deacons, but they did nothing else. There was no spiritual leadership in the home. Uh that Barna does a survey, this was several years ago. If a man you know follows after Christ, there's a 94% chance that his whole family will. Absolutely. If a the mother winds up having to take the lead role in that, it was like a 15% chance. And if a child, if neither parent really went after the child kind of initiated it, it was like a five percent chance. And that was years ago, and it's probably worse now. Oh, it's 10 times worse now. I promise you it is. I mean, we made church something it shouldn't be. It really have. It became a social club, it became I'm better than you. It became, you know, whatever it was, we just tried to, and and we and we do this in life, and not not, you know, thinking about coming and talking areas, a lot of stuff crossed my mind. But I'll say this there's scripture that said the you know, the Father God has made Jesus Christ, both Lord and Savior. It's easy to call him Savior. Calling him Lord means he has lordship over me. It means I'm he's in charge, and it's not, and that clashes with our American, especially this day and age, mentality of I'm free and I do what I want. I don't have to be accountable to nobody. I don't, you know, you know, Tupac said, Oh, only God can judge me. That'll scare the dickens out of you because he's a holy God, he's in charge, he created this universe, and he isn't gonna judge us all one day. The Bible talks about judgment as you know, I can't that I can't judge, no, if you read it on out, it's like, you know, you judge with a righteous judgment to hold each another accountable in love. We like to hold accountable because it makes us feel better about our shortcomings, because I'm not as bad as that person, yada yada. We check our boxes and we're not surrendered to Christ. We're surrendered to a religion around Christ, and we probably go to heaven because we give our life to Christ and accept his salvation, and it ends there. The discipleship comes in when we challenge people to grow, and we are being mentored by someone, and someone's mentoring us, and we do our best and we lock arms. Man, I went back when I had the fire club term, I missed it because of me and a group of men from church. I hardly ever go out of town with them, but we went down to Mississippi and there was a group, about 15 men, man, and God did some incredible things because it was men, there was a challenge there. Like you said, to be a man. We're watching uh Gunny B. He has that group we get together once a month. I've been trying to go, we're following the Joe B. Martin teaching on be a man, and and and the church is crying out for for manhood, but I think society is and they don't realize it because it's been feminized a year, toxic masculinity, everything. I'll I'll go ahead and say it. For the last 20 years, you turn on a sitcom on TV, the dead or the man is always some goofy dorky that gonna butt from a hole in the ground, and he's you know, and that's what it's been portrayed and sadly it's taking on his reality to where, you know, but you take a man that'll stand up and he stands on faith and what's right and truth, nobody's gonna challenge that because they know they're dealing with a man. That toxic masculinity return that's been thrown around, you know. I always like it when I don't like it when hurricanes come through, but like if a hurricane or after something happens, you see these guys out here putting wires together and chest deep water and God bless them, you know, trying to get power back to us. And it was like, I don't hear too many complaints about the toxic toxic masculinity, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:40

You know, God uses ways to remind people. Yeah. Some people just don't open their eyes to it, but he is reminding you how it's supposed to be. Like you said, the the church is crying out for it, but the world is desperately crying out for it.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:58

And you're seeing a lot of I'll say revival removal of God taking place amongst young people, and even our local schools and stuff, we've had a big FCA thing where it's been real. I was an FCA because that's what you're supposed to do because you're a good person. You're you know there's FCA now, they're going to camps and they're baptizing guys. You know, it was it's it's real, it's not just a club you belong to. And they were at our church. I weren't there this past Sunday, but we try to help send them to camp because it's not cheap. But uh, but man, we've seen a blossom in our community. Something that happened in our community years ago, back early 2000s. This lady challenged our local pastors to get together and pray together from all denominate. You know, the church in every corner out in the country. You know what I mean? It was hard for people to take the mule that mile and a half or two mile, you know, correct across the creek. The water was high, they couldn't go, you know, it grew and they got to offshoot, you know, that's great, but that mentality ain't the same now. You got this, you know, everybody can go anywhere and be anywhere in a 20-minute ride, you can be anywhere. When I was a kid, going to Kinston was a big all-day affair and it was 25 minutes away. Right. I hardly ever came to Newborne except when we were f- I mean, I was real young until we were fishing it. It seemed like it took two days to get the price of create the merchant store. But uh churches need to, you know, we need we've got to get back to that being who we're supposed to be in Christ, you know, and not just a and it's a challenge to do that because traditions are good. I've got no trouble with traditions until you start worshiping a tradition over a move of God. You better get in line with what he's doing now, not what, you know, you can't relive the past. If we can just get that same speaker from 20 years ago when we had that move of God and sing those same three, season, four songs. Yeah, well, once you got his mercies are new every day. He's fresh, he's you know, the world's changed, technology's changed, things are getting ramped, but also at the same time, he's God and he don't change, but however, he is present through all of it, you know, even from way back then till now. He's yeah, he's all presents himself in different ways than he did. I heard heard some friends of mine that do a podcast uh that I listen to. I've got to know them a little bit there in Alabama, but they uh they they put out a challenge to pray to God. If you're real for people that are wavering, I want to encounter you. Do do do something where I can't deny it. And he said, don't pray that unless you mean it, because your life might get turned upside down. But if it took it took my life, me getting stripped of everything I felt like. I felt like the world I actually felt honestly, if you're gonna be real and raw, I feel like the world would be better off without me in it. That's where I was at. But I couldn't be that way. I mean, my mama loved me too much. I couldn't do that to her. I didn't care about me, you know. I could care less. You know, you want to talk about real and that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:48

Well, if you want to talk about that, my mom found me at 14 with a shotgun in my mouth.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:55

Yeah. Been there, done it.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:58

Um, and just I was at a point where I said if I try that, I'd probably mess it up. Oh, I would definitely be a half my face. Yeah, I'd be then I'll be a burden on the embrace. You know, then they had to deal with that. I mean I mean I just you know I I'm glad we we're here to laugh about it, but there's a lot of them that don't make it past the biggest. They don't, they don't, and people don't. And I hate that. And and as much hope as Christ gives, if the world ain't getting hope, it's not because Christ didn't offer it. It's because we as his people are not surrendered to him to go out and show it. We're about our four no more. And as long as I can, you know, if we can make it through, because I heard I heard this, man, it's so crazy in the last week, even though we canceled, I've heard a couple quotes that stuck with me. Said if he can't make us bad, he can make us he'll make us busy. I think Joe B. Martin might have even said that on the thing we would say. I mean, yeah, but if he keeps me so busy, and that's why I said on you asked me some stuff, you know what? I said priorities. It ain't that my priorities necessarily out of whack, but there's so much that you can do a whole lot of good stuff and do a mediocre. You can shave it back and you can do what really matters and prioritize and do it well.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:11

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:12

Do it well. If I go fishing, I want to do it well, even if I strike out, but I'm not gonna go halfway, half-cocked. I've spent a week, I'm I'm talking about going Bonita fishing tomorrow, and I haven't been on my boat. I've spent a week and I've bought lures and I've done all these leaders and I've tried on and I've done you know stuff over in order to do it because when I get out there, I want to do it well. And we might catch fish, but I want to do it well. I want to I don't know because I don't want to because I didn't plan out. I don't want to get out there and my boat not cranking.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:39

My wife gives me all the time all the time, just why you take it so OCD, why you take it so serious? I'm like, if it is serious, you know, like I don't know. It's just but you said something earlier about um I think everything that we've talked to with people falling away from the church, people falling away from living the right way, it's I think it in my opinion all results to men being absent. And I'm not trying to get all political and stuff for you, but how do you kill a society? How do you how do you control a society faster than controlling the men? I mean, I read a study a while ago that the average 25-year-old male has a test level of a 72-year-old man in today's time. It's crazy. Because of what is in your food and drinks and stuff killed feminizing in every way possible societal. The government is totally it's it's the government and society is terrified of a masculine man. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:42

And it shouldn't be because built this country, that's what it took to you know, to see that and it's a threat, and it and those in control, regardless of I mean, you look back at history. Behind the scenes, you look back at history. Behind the scenes, the ones that are in control. You go back to the Bible, man. You you you look at uh Jezebel, who had complete control over she she was the queen, but she weren't supposed to be in charge, but she was a weak man there, and she she could wreaked havoc on God's people back then and caused all these problems because the woman about her, but you know, we've all done that at some point where we wanted to be about us, and you know, that's one thing I I wouldn't just point out, you know, that that that that there is a hunger for it. Now you're seeing it more. You're seeing it maybe on college campuses, the FCA and church churches, young people. I mean, I mean, we we're we're seeing some good things happen related, you know, the last two or three years. We baptized a lot of people at church, and a lot of them are kids, young folks and and family members up to grandparents that it all started maybe, you know, because the kid had a spark wanted to go.

unknown 1:23:44

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:45

And it's it's it's not the way it should be. But God'll work in whatever, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:49

That's what God's gonna make it happen regardless.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:51

I'm gonna I'm gonna try not to mess it up, it's my thing. You know, that's why I pray sometimes. Lord, just you know, it was a song I heard way back. It weren't even that popular if it said, Lord, move or move me. If I'm in the way, if I'm causing an issue, get me out of the way. And we get in our own way a lot of time. We do. I heard uh the term we overanalyze and try to figure stuff out. You're not gonna figure everything out with God because there's a faith element there. Yep. I mean, we can go look back, we can argue from creation to evolution, all this you can't 100% figure it out because there has to be a faith element. But he said God's given each man a measure of faith to be able to trust him. Yeah, and it's just up to us, and he gives us the freedom to choose or not, and and man, it's it's it's a lot. And but I mean, we've seen it in our life, we've gone through some some stuff, and I mean we can go back if you want to go back toward our life story, man, fertility issues. We're supposed to be this model couple that people are looking up to, and we're counseling, and all of a sudden, you know, we're trying to have kids and we have two miscarriages, then we have trouble getting pregnant. We go to these specialists, then my wife they find some things, you know, physically that she needs she had a corrective surgery and and and went through that. We went through a season of five years without getting pregnant, and I'm getting tested, and she's going to the doctor, and we're doing all this, that, and the other. In the meantime, you know, she's depressed, she's gained weight, she's her she's diabetic, she's fatty liver and just stuff just because she, you know, her feelings, you know, and you know the hormones are all messed up. The hormones are messed up, and and and then her her emotionally was just she was tore down and felt worthless because she couldn't do this thing. You know, she felt she was caught to be this, that, and the other. And you're sitting there as a man, you can't fix this stuff. In the meantime, you're not really aligned where you should be during all this same time period. And and then uh bam, we get pregnant in 2018. It's like, okay, we've got this guy. Miscarriage. You know, and it was different, three miscarriages, it was different every time. And we're like, what's the deal? And we're still trying to get pregnant. Late 2018 hurricane hits here, we hit back home too. 60% of our house had to be good. Down the road, five miles, seven miles from where we were staying in is Chinkapan, North Carolina. That was all over the news because that's where the river gets flooded so bad. Lifelong friends lost everything. And it weren't the first time it's happened, they're dad a couple, they had Floyd got them pretty bad. Yeah. And you're sitting there and you're like, oh, it's stressful, you know, and fighting with insurance, man. Uh I thought I was gonna go to jail for murder. I mean, I thought I I I told the insurance guy, you give me the check or I'll go get it. Give me your address. I'm I'm you know, I've torn my house out. Now you're saying you ain't putting it back. You're the one that's, you know, it's just stress as a life and just couldn't figure out why, you know, you got back together in the middle of all that, and I'm like, you know, I didn't buy a boat until 2019. Uh I wanted a boat for a long time. I love to fish. Luckily, I had buddies with boats and generous buddies, and I would fish with them, and I was gabing my thumb out. If they knew if they wanted somebody good, they'd call me. I got a lot of calls from friends at four o'clock in the morning, five o'clock. Hey, man, you want to go? Absolutely. Drop everything good because I got the chance, you know. Thank God for folks like that. I had a buddy had a boat and he didn't run it enough to keep it up, but he wanted me to go take it out and run it. He wanted me to use it as a friend, but also I would keep it up. Right. Because he's in a you know, very demanding industry, busy, and and he's not very not always the handiest with tools and electronics. I don't know at all, but I can keep it, you know. Keep it running. You know, if it sits up, you got problems. I don't know if there's an issue, I can figure it out a lot of times, or I can get somebody that can. And uh, we're in the middle of that and trying to rebuild our house that's torn apart. I'm renting a my mom had a rental house and so it was set up where they had to find us somewhere to stay, and we and it was a couple weeks till we realized the extended damage of our house after the hurricane. And then, you know, I knew we had some damage, but we had people that were fighting for their life in our area. So it was like, you know, I tried I couldn't even call my insurance guy, the phone lines were down for a week. Right. And got back, hey, we got some problems, but we'll we'll address it later. We didn't know how bad it was until we dug into it and it got worse than you know, hey, we're backing up, y'all come in and handle it that way it's documented. And uh through all that, but by now you know the everybody's starting repairs and they're denied my claim and we're gonna fix the roof but not the ceiling, the walls and the floor. I was like, where are you located? You know, we're here in eastern North Carolina, water goes down. It goes with gravity and if it comes to the roof, it just don't miraculously, you know, right dry up before it gets to the attic. And we're gonna replace the the roof and the ceiling but not the walls and the floor. And I'm like, no, y'all got my house out here, you know, gutted to the bone, 65% of it. And I'm on the hook for not only that, but y'all telling me you're gonna give me$2,000 for my pro rated$10,000 roof. And I'm like, um I don't remember driving I drive I had a friend that was man shirt so I drove to his place and I don't remember driving there. I was I was like you got to talk to these people dude I'm fixing to flip and it was it was a constant battle with that and so uh so that was you know miscarriage earlier that year. Later that year we go through that a lot of stress a lot of anxiety and uh by this time I'm the church I'm involved with they have a you know ordination through that group denomination or whatever. I I don't really push that real heavy but I'm I'm account I'm accountable somewhere and I'm gonna follow whatever they ask me to do. So I'm going through the process of that and make sure because my other church I was ordained through was independent. Right. So if you want me if I'm gonna be a part of this I'm gonna do it you know you're not God but I'm gonna I I I respect your authority that He's put in place over you and you should have authority and have me accountable. So I got no problem with that. So I'm going through that process and it was kind of archaic it's been vamped up since then a little more modernized to where it's easier I don't have to wait for the guy to make a copy of the book and give to me and fill out papers and go actually email it now. You know that's how it gotten to that point. But uh we're like that January for I said something about I was wanting to go fishing. And it didn't help that my buddy Dexter me and went fishing out of Jacksville one afternoon he called me yeah we went for half a day after lunch and had three bites I caught a 29 half inch trout and a five a four and three quarter pound trout that was 25 inches and he caught a 16 incher I mean it weren't that weren't fair to him but uh it just set me on fire that much more you know I got towed you know and uh that was pretty fun you know then I I like to fish loved it since I was a kid my daddy flipping crickets at Bryson Creek man I look forward to that so much and uh spent a lot of time doing that now here and thankful for that time with my dad looking back and give me a fire because I wanted to do more. I wanted to get deeper into it. Anytime I get a hold of something like that I want to go a little deeper. Same same able to hunt my daddy liked to hunt but he weren't a hunter he liked to go sit in the field and have some solitude and he would shoot at something if it came out probably miss because he was too tight to set his rifle, didn't want to waste his bullets. Then he shot a deer and missed it or wounded and I had to go track it as a kid. You know what I mean? Right. And fisherman he liked to fish but he weren't necessarily a fisherman you know right he's going to throw through cricket and whatever and he ain't gonna pay attention to what size lines on there when you just got the Brimbuster and flipping it and it was great. We had a good time and I wasn't I said something about man I'd love to have a boat. And my wife looked at me she was like because we were at this point we're looking to go deeper into fertility specialties and it's expensive. Whew you know I weren't you know at this time I'd left other job back in 2017 going back into the industry I was at and luckily I got on guy that trained me. He'd been there a year or so before me doing the asphalt way back when I started into it. He's working with the state now I was at this lab that's a central lab where they do their testing to keep everybody accountable. I stepped, you know, it was open came open there through a CEI company which is a contracted engineering firm where I came in to do the work as a not a state employee but was there a couple years, picked right back up man. Actually got a couple more certifications along the way and opportunity come and I stepped over to the DOT in a in a pretty high decently high level position just because the relationships I'd made before I did what I was supposed to I kept my nose clean I did things I was supposed to I excelled at it I did all that math and stuff I said that started when my brother couldn't remember his motivation that acceleration and math really helped me because you know people talking about well I need algebra for I got a book this thick that I'm responsible for as a DOT pavement specialist. I'm the expert on asphalt is what I'm supposed to be the engineers call me when there's an issue I go investigate it kind of tell them what's going on they don't always they their hands are in so many places they're not specialized anywhere. I'm a specialist I'm one step below what they call we call an engineer or the engineer and whatever but uh they call me I investigate whether it's in the process of making it the lay down or you know during the warranty period I got to figure out what's going on with it and I report back to them kind of say here's what I feel like the problem is here's the issue here's the we got protocols this would be the penalty this would be the warranty and and you know but there's ten pages of nothing but equations I've got to know by pretty much by heart that this is asphalt can be real nerdy like anything can. There's so much to it when it comes to gravities and you know there's there's so many wild terms you could throw I can make it sound like rocket science but and to an extent it's pretty pretty intense. But at the same time it's uh bituminous you know that people don't even know that word they call it tar. We don't even have tar anymore. Right. It's a petroleum byproduct that he used to make you know the whole asphalt together look liquid asphalt cement is what they call there's so much of that and so much crushed stone and so much recycled asphalt so much aggregate of different kinds but in all that we gotta check it out. So I wound up back in that industry and I all of a sudden this opportunity comes up and the guy that's doing the hiring I knew him 30 years ago and we worked together 20 something years ago when we worked together. You know I knew the guys that teach certification courses they they'd been regionally over us and I always did what I was supposed to do and keep your nose clean and make sure make sure my my stuff was going to be right. The test might be bad but it was tested properly. Right protocols the OCD the OCD and finding the problems and that works great in asphalt don't try it in your marriage when you get married at 31 and your job for the last eight seven eight years has been finding problems and correcting them that don't that don't work in the marriage if any of you guys are wondering. Yeah it doesn't about to get married yeah women y'all ain't changing him he ain't changing y'all will change over time as two become one but it won't because you're intentional about it. It's you'll balance one another out but if you're marrying the person you're marrying not somebody in your fantasy land you think they're going to become fix them. You ain't fixing nobody I didn't have much trouble with that but I'm very OCD and I want things out and my wife reminds me thank you very much for that information you know sometimes I'm like you know see that early on you're you're you know that's job and this is home.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:50

This is marriage you know marriage is tough man it is I mean it's one of the most beautiful things it is a great gift from God it is but it it's it's a tough I mean tough you can barely get along with yourself half the time and then you you you throw somebody else in the equation that you're with all the time like it's just like you know um it wasn't as hard for me because you know I uh I did a lot of dating um and and had a few serious relationships before I I mean I got married when I was 32 um so but it's just you know my wife is a little bit younger um I think I was like our second serious relationship so it was a little bit different for her but my there's she's so easygoing. But it's interesting with your story man um with all the stuff you've been through um and how it shaped you who you in today um I want to add because we were talking about men earlier I wanted to ask you because I always preach on men that's one reason I do this podcast is men need to come together more and talk and get their opinion their emotions out their opinions on things and talk and and and have other men listen. Why do you think most men struggle that and why they struggle with dealing with grief and struggle and open up to other men.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:04

I think a lot of the times we've been taught that as you're less of a man if you show emotion. There's times and I tell people young couples we're uh we're counseling and going through you know later on having a stillborn son. You know you go from supposed to be having a shower to decorate the the uh nursery to a couple weeks before then at when you're supposed to turn that 30 week corner. But you're supposed to be safe 30 weeks and four days the heartbeat's not there. And uh that that was that was that cut you know because you're making all these plans you got a shower. It's a little boy and that's you gotta buy a casket. I mean I'm telling you I can be real and raw with people and I you know and I say you know feelings are important my emotions I mean I feel emotions leveling up right now but I'm so thankful at the same time because I know I've been to some places and I know it didn't kill me. And it had it had because I'm in Christ had that taken me down if if the grief had killed me broke my heart to where I died my I'm settled for eternity. I mean so and Paul said it you know whether I to live as Christ that dies again if I live I'm gonna live for him I'm my my life's not my own I was bought with a price so I grew a lot in that and it was one of the absolute worst things nobody ever has to go through I'm gonna be there for others that can do that. And I've reached out to some folks that we probably both know mutually always make it a point to reach out to the man because we're taught we're supposed to suppress our emotions and that's fine because we both I tough well we both can't be crazy at the same time. When all that took place man I I I lost it for a few minutes but then I've got to I've got to show it to say because not only is my wife going through it with a different set of emotions and hormones but her body is still carrying this child and she's got to deliver him and all that I mean it was gonna it it was tough man it was it was rock bottom again is like and everybody's like well I don't understand why this is happening because the Lord said it rains onto Justin Elanja Bible said David was a man after God's own heart and I share this with folks and I hope somebody's listening that's gone through it and they're they're just feeling despairing you know and I in 2 Samuel I think chapter 11 or 12 David's had his problems you know well he and Bathsheba who you know after they went and did everything well they're they wound up having a child on the way child's born but it's very sick. David's you know a little unhinged he's king what he said goes he could if he said the word man died if he said the word he lit you know he had that power and he was in he was a pretty messed up dude for the most part but he still was called a man as God's own heart and here he is in this this child sick and then there he goes in the depths blaming himself blaming you know and it says he repented and he was down on sackcloth and ashes pretty much fasting he didn't eat and he didn't get up and didn't feel didn't attend to nothing and that child died and um the guys his inner circle of men were scared to go kill him because he could have killed them all and been justified in it because he was king. They were scared to tell him what had happened I remember the doctor being a little shook up when he had to tell me because I'm a big dude and I'm there and I fill him I did I wielded like a I'm gonna tell you I wielded dude. Yeah hit the floor and cried out and I didn't understand it but I it says in that scripture that he uh they come in and told him he was like I can he didn't tell him he looked at him he said I can tell by your countenance pretty much I misquote it but the child did and they were like yeah he died he got up and he cleaned himself up he washed himself he anointed himself you know cleaned himself up fixed his hair put himself together got some food they were like what's going on you know what's the what's the deal while while the child was you know there was still hope. He's like he said yeah he said well while the child was alive and but sick it was it was hope that yeah but now that he's dead I can I can't bring him back to me but I can go to him it's true powerful true for him it's true for us powerful the only way you can do that is through what Jesus Christ offers us in salvation and being that reunited and I'm fine with that but I try to share that and you say we press our emotions because we're taught it's it's what you're supposed to do as a man. Amen but I want to give that word of encouragement man it's tough to do something it's tough to deal with but I deal with people and I try to um fishing partner Corey I don't tell this business it happened to them seven months before at full term I we'd known each other for years most of our lives I'd say we went to school together went to the same church for a season there where his mom was like the music leader and worship. You know we weren't super close. We knew each other we were friendly but he reached out to me and right after it happened was 2020 and COVID hit luckily I say lucky my wife worked in like healthcare field so she'd go back to work and she stayed home a few weeks we done some healing got our feet back from her my work was limited in certain ways you know as far as the contact some of our testing but uh man I was I was home a lot you know and only going out when I had to because you know it's all the uncertainty protocol. I mean this happened February 17th you know I think the end of March they shut everything down pretty much so we had a little bit of time there and so my wife's going to work that's keeping her kind of busy I'm still kind of coping but the year before we had to buy a boat during all that before all this happened and I think we found out we were pregnant like the first month the payment was due. I bought it over epic and I got a great deal on it. I think the Lord knew I needed it. Me and my wife talked about it the year before while our house was still through I said have a boat. She was like why don't you get one I was like well we got too much because she said I'm afraid we're gonna look back and we'll a lot of regret one day if you don't you know take a chance I said I don't feel right doing it. She was like I think maybe what's needed, you know, maybe we need to relax and take a breath and I'd like to have a boat too. So we'll get our house back together. I find this great deal in this boat and run to Georgia and buy it for a super deal I rescued it from a bad breakup from a couple that never got married but had it together type of thing. Never just wanted to get rid of it 10, 12 hours on it. And uh but the next year when all this happened I had my boat and I spent a lot of days not catching fish a lot of days learning about fishing a lot of days catching nice fish but I she's at work I'm home if it was a little bit rainy all our work's caught off so you got to take advantage and I'd I'd I'd shoot down Newbern Orient wherever I'd shoot down and go fishing and uh but Corey had gone through that and uh I wasn't there for him we I knew each other happened but I I didn't know how to deal with stuff even being in ministry stuff I never dealt with that that form of grief. I lost a dad lost loved ones lost friends but that was different man I just couldn't it's one of those things you don't know how to deal with and nobody does. But he uh he was teaching school and of course never shut down even shut down he he would uh he would take his planning period and he would go right out and uh he back then he smoked and he would like to take a drive around neighborhood and get off campus and maybe you get him a biscuit or something. It was odd but he said he rode by three or four times on my truck there and just couldn't bring himself to stop him and that's when we started fishing together. He came by and just wanted to tell me you know hey you know everybody pat you on the back and what anything he said and he said this sucks. This sucks I know it sucks because I've walked it I'm not gonna deny that it sucks and it sucks bad. Yeah he said but I don't need uh I love you man I'm here for you we started fishing some a little bit back then well I think it was the same year Redfish Madness started I became friends with Mike Maddis you know got to know each other just button he's like hey man yeah fish a tournament he named that boat Red Zeppelin he saw it one day and called me got my number from somebody he's like are you in Son I was like yeah he was like I thought I saw you man I saw the red zeppelin's so that's why I called team red zeppelin because he named it that yeah and even before I went at the first tournament he signed us up as Team Red Zeppelin because he's a rock fan you know the red boat redfish yeah and uh I was like you want to fish it you know he's like yeah here he is you know he teaches school here I am a DOT guy live an hour from the coast and like let's go fish this redfish tournament didn't know much about fishing the marsh we'd fish around there a little bit but I I'm not going to marsh I'm not built for that I don't have a boat built for that I'm too big to be on a little boat and we grew up fishing the river a lot and over the years fishing new river and it's one of the toughest places in the world to fish and hey man let's go have fun we went pre-fished and first tournament we he caught a 26 and three quarter 15 minutes to go first bite we've had all day or first keeper. It was good if we fish hard only weighing in one fish but hey man we weren't there to prove nothing. It was brotherhood built there and then we started doing the red fish series and then last year of course we did this we did some other tournaments together but uh other than when my boat tore up that's the only time we had gone without weighing two fish in those tournaments we competed finished third or fourth in the points one year. We're fishing against guys that live down there and do it for a living two bites you don't ever know what you're gonna do we've placed as high as third and one big fish and you know we've had fun. But there was a lot of healing took place on that boat. That's what fish that's why fishing's really important to me because it it's so much more beyond the tournament I like the tournaments for camaraderie. I like to do well got my butt kicked last other week you know what I did I said and I said man y'all would do one man. I've known him most of my life y'all were do one man congratulations I tickled for you man that's there's so much more to this world because you've been through things like burying a buying a casket that's real small and your lifelong friend you went to kindergarten with who has to come get him from the hospital and a different perspective comes. Yeah and the sweetness of this life comes and through that they're like hey hold it together I I was scheduled to preach at a church I'd never been to his funeral's on Wednesday I was scheduled to preach that Sunday my wife's like I can't go with you I said I don't want you to you're good I I said I've got to go do this I had a message burning on my heart dude you know I said I need to and I did I was down down toward the rapid hood in the back roads back there you know I was on a list because I was on the perspective you know going through the process and I it was Isaiah 6 it said in the year King Uzziah died I saw the Lord high and lifted up and uh for a man Isaiah that was a prophet called me a prophet I Uzziah was one of the longest reigning kings. Things were very prosperous things were very life was really good right and he had some problems he had to co-rule with his son he wound up getting leprosy because some disobedience but still he was very well loved and things were going really smooth in life for the folks he ruled because he you know he had his faults but for the most part he followed after the Lord and it was a time of prosperity for everybody time of good good times you know not a lot of attacks not a lot of oppression he was the second longest ruling king. Yeah so it'd been a long time of stability man yep and here this guy that's you know new king's coming it's his son but you know how that happens a lot of times you know it flips yep so here is Isaiah called of God to be a prophet King Uzziah died and it was a time of just scared uncertainty his world had been shaken to where he didn't know if because if he said something wrong get skin have you killed is this next king you know how's this gonna work out he was a time where his his world was turned upside down one of the most important people in his life died and and when that happened he saw the vision of God that God was high lifted up on the throne this train filled the temple these angels encompassed that that you know just cried holy hill just because he was in the circumstances he was going through it didn't change who God was. His throne is truth he's not up for election or recall or impeachment there's something solid like I talked about in those Legos earlier you can build something pretty but if the foundation ain't right it ain't gonna stand man it's not and uh I can say I grew closer to God through the worst of circumstances. That's when you build your foundation. Man I was going fishing one day and I hate to get too sapy with you man but I was driving down I was decided comfort number 41 a song come on called the goodness of God it was getting popular back then. Don't think I don't ever remember hearing it before that. I just dude God's presence is really like me before he was with me now I had to I almost had to pull over dude I couldn't hardly drive it was just so real I was like I got you guys through me really through music a lot. Man I love music's an awesome thing and and and it's meant for it's what it's meant for you know it was corrupted from the beginning you know it says that if you take the Satan or Lucifer or whatever he was pretty much a fallen angel that was pretty much you know crown of jewels you know they compare him to the serpent you know they say the serpent but you think about what does a snake look like in the grass you see the different shape it said he was covered with jewels and stuff and and the glory of God shine and reflected back off of him and and that's what we're supposed to do reflect the glory of God with our gifts or whatever he's given us but he became puffed up and said look who I am I can I'm gonna be like that and anything that anybody brings to us gets us to try to put ourselves above God in order to be God or be the most important thing in the universe and that's what the distractions you know that's where they come in. And but man that's why if going back to fishing that's why it's important to me because there's a lot of healing that took place to me on that boat. Yep a lot of healing learned a lot of fish and the relationship with me and Corey grew up fishing with a lot of other people I can name a lot of people been influential. I try to learn from everybody like I said if If if you're catching them, I want to know how and why and why I'm not. This might be your day, but sometimes your cadence might be a quarter second difference. These trout run us crazy, dude. Oh, you got a brain that's this big. It's like turkey. It's turkey season right now. I'm not huge into it, but that little for a couple of years there, man, I went after it. Hard turkey hunting, and I'm like, this thing's got the brain the size of a nickel. Smartest. And I'm out here crawling on my belly through a pasture trying to sneak up on him. He don't, you know, I can take a little stick and rub it with another stick, and he he answers it, but it he's getting the best of me. And it dry and it's like that love hate thing, man. Trout something else, man. Trout people I love it all, but I learned a lot about trout fishing because I wanted to be on the water and I was patient and I tried different stuff and did different stuff, and I just think it improved my fishing then during that time. But it was also I was healing, going back to men. We don't express that because we've been taught not to. This women stuff, that sissy stuff. Read that Bible is full of broken people who had to come to a place of crying out to God, and there was a story that tells us we need other people, we're not on the island. I know you said you don't go to church, and I'm not challenging it, I'm just saying you've got to have that group, that faith group, regardless of what you call it. The church is a people, it's not a place. We've made it a place and a time and an event, and it's never been to be that. We've got to build when we meet at to get orders from headquarters. Me as a minister, there's a list of things that we're supposed to do. I'm supposed to lift you up, I'm supposed to correct you, I'm supposed to encourage you, I'm supposed to equip you to go out and be the church the rest of the week to go out and minister to other people. You don't come to church on Sunday to seek God. You come there to commune with other believers. It ain't got to be on Sunday. Churches that meet and they have services several nights a week. Sometimes we look close to the beach, a lot of people they have a Thursday night service, you know, because you know the whole Sabbath, Sunday. We do it because of resurrection day, but man, we we need to be doing it every day. It's not a box we check. We get under dichotomy. I've been guilty of it. I lived like this a long time. Here's church David, and here's work David, and here's husband David. No. God's Christ is the umbrella that's supposed to engo for all of that. See, I used to have a lot of good ideas and want Jesus to put his stamp of approval, and a lot of people that are Christians or claim to be Christians, we live that way. We want to do something, we want God to put a stamp of approval. You know, we'll put a Bible verse with our whatever, we'll put the fish symbol, and we want we want Jesus to bless our good idea. And some of sometimes he doesn't, and he has, but that sometimes if you let the the master Lego builder put that thing, all those parts together, it's a lot better than what I could ever do. It's a lot better than what I could ever do.

SPEAKER_00 1:52:42

Absolutely, you can't.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:43

Still figuring it, I ain't gonna still try to figure it out. That's another thing when I said about grace. We try to find and nitpick anything within the church or a Christian, and I try to walk as good as I can, man, but I come up way short a lot, and that's no excuse. I'm supposed to be trying to set a standard to be a leader because God's called me to be that, and he's called me to follow after Christ. And in doing that, I'm I'm I'm not gonna be perfect, but that's not an excuse for not trying to keep myself as aligned as possible. And in doing so, if people can and the enemy works this way, if we can get that one little thing off that where I can accuse you, or you step out, or I disagree with it, or you do something, or you stumble in your walk, I can say, Ha, I see you ain't no better than you. I ain't no better than anybody. And it's not about being better than one another, it's about us. It's about a God that loves us. And regardless of how bad or how rotten we could be, there's stuff people don't know about, your spouse don't even know about the deep thoughts, the things we think. He knows it all, and you know what he did? He sent his only son to live perfect, and he had poured out the wrath that he was supposed to pour out on sin onto him in my place. You know, he'd get sappy on you. I wouldn't trade my son for none of you. You know what I'm saying? If somebody had your child kidnapped, you would put a it wouldn't be no question. Absolutely. He gave his only begotten son. That's why I said and a sin that I probably didn't come up with it. People say, How'd you manage all that? I said, Well, life happens. You can get better or you can get better. I know a lot of better people.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:17

And a lot of people that are better, you get in the point at it, and they have a reason why. They have a reason why. But they just choose they just chose that then to get better. Yeah. And um It's tough, man. It is.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:28

I want to it's a struggle, and we'll struggle with it, and it but one day it'll I I I like what I hate to keep interrupting you, man. When you go to Revelation, he says one day he's gonna wipe away every tear once and for all, and there'll be no more death, no more sickness, no more pain, no more dying. We will He will be our God, we'll be his people, we'll live with him. There'll be a new heaven and a new earth and all this corruption and mess that we see around us that you crazy, it's gone. It's not gonna be there. It's gonna be uninhibited the way he intended it. He wanted that force, but also he knew he knew us before he formed us in our mother's wombs, it said. He knew us, and he knew he knew I'd struggle, he knew the things I'd do. But he said from the foundation Jesus Christ would come. Because he didn't want a bunch of robots, he's got angels that cry how holy ye is, 24-7. Yep. He wanted somebody with a consciousness to choose him, yep, and want that relationship. And if you don't want it, you ain't gotta have it. You don't? He gives you everything you want, you can have an eternity apart from him. That's what that's the point of the biggest part of hell, ain't the flames and stuff they talk about, and I think it's a little place in the Bible Jesus referenced it. But at the same time, it's that eternal separation where there's no grace. We're offered so much grace right now, we don't even realize we're we're looked at her so much. Like you said, there's times where I wanted to end it, but for some reason Just can't. I weren't man enough to have the balls to do it. You are you know what I'm saying? It's like going back to what Joby Martin people are needing men and they're needing people to be real with them. That's why I told you on that paper, I'll be real and raw with you because people need it.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:02

People do need it. That's the whole point of this whole show is is to people can hear the raw. And I want to close with this, Big Dave. If somebody's life is out of order, they're struggling, they're just out of sort in a ditch. What's the number one thing they fix first?

SPEAKER_03 1:56:22

They need to pursue God, and and saying that that's a broad term, it's very cliche. If you want to know Christ, it says in the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was with God, and the word became flesh. If you want to know Jesus, you need to know his word. You can try to do everything else in life when it comes to Christ. You can pray, you can go to church. You try to read his open the Bible and really study it, not just read a few chapter things and say, I read 12 words today. If you go to seek him, that'll be interrupted more than anything else because that's where you hear his voice and get to know him. That's a good start. But when we're in that situation, we gotta cry out for help. And know there's people, like me and you and others around me. There's nothing more we can do because we've been in that ditch before. We've walked that trail. Let me help you out of it. And that's what I said. You need to disciple people. We need to don't feel like you gotta do it by yourself. That's why God calls us into a faith community. That's what the church is supposed to be. More shows, more shows than what it's become. You know, I've got my um but it's made out of people, and people are gonna disappoint you. And if you go to church, you're gonna be disappointed. A pastor's gonna disappoint you. There's a lot of them that fall from grave because they've sure put this stigma on them where they get so pressured down where they don't have an outlet, and all of a sudden they wind up in the ditch, too.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:35

Well, they feel like they have to be perfect, they have to be Jesus. And it's it's tough.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:40

It's tough because there's a lot, and we're gonna be held to it. The Bible says we'll be judged at a higher standard, and and that's fine. But at the same time, if I can be real and raw with somebody, I'll get down at the ditch with you. We gotta you you need to reach out and have somebody that can guide you. Find somebody that's close to God. Whenever, you know, if I get in a situation and I need somebody to pray for me, there's certain people that come to mind because they're close. And say they're perfect, but I know then again. That one guy I talked about, you know, and I'll say his name Don Reed, man. He's a missionary, and he's just he called me out a couple times. He'll send me a text every now and again, man. I de blue, and it'll be something I'm gonna say struggling, but dealing with kind of, you know, you know, one of those things, I'll just get a random text from him early in the morning, and that tells me he'd he'd been up, he's been praying, and maybe the Lord revealed something to him to speak a word and do so, and that's amazing. And God does that, but but we gotta reach out to one another. We've got to be willing to, you know. But if we're so busy trying to be, you know, the perfect employee, the perfect business owner, the perfect husband, the perfect father. We're trying to be all this stuff so much that we're so busy we walk by, we walk we walk past people every day that's in that situation, that's probably crying out and we'll say, I'll pray for you. Or they'll say it on Facebook and we'll give it to praying hands and ain't thought more about it.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:57

But that's what I was gonna say is my advice to everybody is if you have a feeling on your heart, something talking your heart to reach out to somebody, that's what you that's what you better be doing.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:08

Yeah, reach out to you.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:09

Even if it's you know, because I've had to do it at people that I might not really like, you know, but God put it on my heart that they they needed me to reach out. Um, and um it's weird how but I I've learned over especially last year, last year's been a big struggle for me um mentally, physically, all of it. Um like God taught me that um he's always talking to you and showing you the way. Either you can listen and get on board, or he will force you, especially if you have a call and a special call in your life, like he will force you to get on board. And I that's where I was at. Like it literally just threw me down in a ditch. So, like, just anybody listen, man. Like, you you have to reach out to those people um because people need it. I I've I've needed it, I still need it. Uh like you said, you have people certain pre-people that text you randomly have the same thing, and it comes from the like people don't even know, you know, the time or what you were thinking in that moment, and you get that text. And it's it's powerful, and and that's all God. I mean, you know, you can't even explain why somebody just messaged you a certain thing in that moment.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:31

We have an unlimited, all powerful God, but he works through people. He made everything out of a vacuum at once, and since then he's been working in and through people. Well, if we don't see God working, is it because we're not available for him to work through us? Because he's not working, you know, he'll speak to people in certain ways, and I 100% believe that. But at times, if we're not available, he's not going, he's a gentleman, he's not forcing himself on anybody. No. You think about how the correlation in the Bible talks about we're a bride of Christ, and he he woos us and brings, you know, he's not forcing himself on nobody, he's a gentleman. You know what I'm saying? There's there's a lot of innuendos in the Bible to where because it speaks to us, and of all things men plainly when it comes to that type of thing. We can understand that language, so sometimes you gotta get real plain with people where you might not be for the pulpit on Sunday morning, but you can pull it out of scripture. He's forcing himself. He's gonna love you to your annoying. You know people that well may be dating and getting married because him or her just pursued that other person to the point that's like they gave up. It says he pursues us. And he does. And then we look back hindsight and we see all those building blocks coming. You look back and see, man, that God's hand was in that. God was handled, you know, it always makes sense. And I I don't like to make the the religious jargon or the cliches as much, but man, it's I was gonna say, I don't, you know, I don't wear a tie a whole lot. I'm not there's that cliche where I'm supposed to, you know, uh fix my hair for the podcast, but you know, I don't have this perfect partner. And then that's fine if people do that. Yeah, that's a part of their worship. Absolutely. But we've when it becomes a former and a fashion and not us lost people crying out to the God of the universe and him doing a work in us. We we've missed it somehow. We we've made it into something built in our image, just like the Old Testament when they were Moses went up on the mountain in us, and the rest of the crowd's like, well, he's not coming back. We're gonna form this God out of this golden calf, and we're gonna we want God to be manipulated into what we want him and what we can change him to be. And society tries to do that. This happened in churches right now. They're trying to change who he is or what he is. They're trying to manipulate him to what they want him to be, and we all have got a little bit of that in us, but that's not who he is. That's not who we formed in fashion. He's so much bigger than that. I I it's like trout fishing. I feel like I know a lot, but the more I know, the less I realize I do know. And it's the same thing with God and his goodness, his grace, and his powerfulness and how he works. Is I think I've got him figured out. And he's so much more than my finite brain could ever imagine. And he'll reveal himself in new ways. Jesus healed people, he would be a divine person. One of them, you know, he's he touches them, one of them he speaks to them, one of them he rubs dirt in their eyes, mud in their eyes, and tells them to go wash in this pool or do that. He did it different every time just to show that figuring him out. It weren't the method, it was the man of Jesus Christ. And God's only son that could do that. It just, I'm like, wow. You know, you step back and look at it.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:30

Powerful.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:32

Well, this has been fun.

SPEAKER_03 2:03:33

Man, I know I feel like I ramble a lot on you, man. Oh man, you're good, man. That's what it's all about. If you have me back sometime, we'll talk more about fish and other stuff and we'll be here.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:42

You know, but that's why, you know, part of that in that intake is if you're interested in coming back, because a lot of times there's so much to talk about. And um, you know, sometimes you just gotta separate. I'm not, I think every guest that we've had has been uh it's been that. I think every one, every single one of them's gonna be invited.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:00

I love Brian, man. Me and him and him got on the boat a while back and uh Liverpool there and ICL. We always caught much, but it was some conversation had, you know, and he's a good dude.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:12

I love Brian Son. It's funny, man. Um my wife and her family have known him forever, and I met him through fishing and stuff. Um, but he he's he's a he's a he's a good man.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:26

Yeah, I saw I saw he played football at ECU 10 years before I did. Never crossed paths. He probably crossed paths there and didn't realize it because I was a you know, I was in uniform on the side line when he came to the but then you know later I'm getting more into fishing and I see this, then I realize he played and I ran to him at the boat ramp. I was going fishing with a buddy, and I didn't have a boat in him, and I we got into a conversation and weren't long we exchanged numbers and I felt like I've been on him my whole life. But just a lot of a lot of good people in the fishing community. I can go on a whole episode about that.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:53

Oh, it is, and it is, and that's what I've gotten had. A lot of good people, man. It is. I uh I love a lot of them, and um and we've had a lot on this show so far um for a reason because they're just good people. Um and they they they and a lot of them have the same struggle, which has been kind of interesting.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:08

One thing I'll say if you said something about the persons at ditch, I'm on Facebook. I don't do a lot of the other stuff because I'm not uh fancy and don't have time with social media. My job's pretty much a 24-hour day job. We got stuff going night and day. I'm pretty much got to be available by phone, get emails constantly throughout the but uh I mean I do them scroll a little bit, but I I'll get on there and if if you didn't reach out to me on Facebook, if you need to have that conversation, if you need to reach out to me, we'll talk. I mean, I I don't I don't mind because you know I remember the people that were dropping hints on me during I was in that time. There were certain people I can point back to, my brother being one, he had had faith experience and come to faith and and his wife, and then other folks that crossed paths with just randomly popped up, you know, and would say, you know, and I'm like, this is weirdo. I also went to church to appease them to the revival service and sit over in the corner where Jesus couldn't see me, and that way I could say I came, y'all, before it was over with. The 6'8, 360 pound of spring steel sex appeal was melded in a puddle at the altar. Yep. Cowboy boots on, I was a bad dude. Matter of fact, there's a girl supposed to be going there. I kind of liked her or something, probably. I don't even remember her name now. But you know, you go to kind of appease the brother and then see the you know, and then the next, you know, and the next thing I know, it's like that dude's talking right to me. I want him to look up at him. You looked over there in that little corner I was sitting in. I actually sat at the side room in a little church, man. It was like he was telling me everything. It was like, man, just I was like, look, don't look up, don't look up. Next thing I know, man. I was like, I gotta give it up. And not just, you know, not that I hadn't said I love Jesus or set to the Lord. I had to give it up. I had to give my life to him at that point. It weren't just a concept. And it's been a wild ride since then, January '98, but uh and I've messed it up bad. But his his grace is sufficient. Well, that's so if you need to reach out to me, tell people to reach out, dude. You reach out to me anytime, man.

SPEAKER_01 2:06:58

Please do. Um, you know, please do to both of us reach out. Um, hey, anytime you want to go fishing, reach out. I'm I'm I'm I'm always looking for somebody to go fishing with.

SPEAKER_03 2:07:13

I like to care people that one that don't go much, they don't get a chance to go eat too. If they, you know, if if you just want to go out if but if you need a conversation, man, I'd I'm reach out.

SPEAKER_01 2:07:24

Awesome. Well, it's been great to have you, man. We're definitely going to schedule another one. We'll dig a little bit more into some fishing and stuff like that on the next one. But I loved it. It's been a great conversation. Um, and uh we'll talk to everybody next time. God bless. God bless.