Ranking Every Glee Christmas Episode

We tap into our middle school days as Gleek and revisit and rank every single slightly problematic Christmas special that Ryan Murphy wrote.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Welcome back, No Takers. It's Aiden, and I did not get the solo at sectionals.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Well, and this is Noah Aaron, and this is what you missed on Glee!

SPEAKER_02 0:22

And if you could not tell by those intros or the episode title, which I don't know, maybe you don't pay attention to those. We are getting into the glee of it all. We're getting into the glee of it all. You know, it's Christmas Eve. We didn't really know what to do for a holiday pod, a little holiday special. And I said, you know what? I love to watch me a glee Christmas special every year, even though I barely acknowledge the show sometimes. So I propose to know we watch all the glee Christmas episodes and you know share our thoughts. And he didn't have anything to counter my ass. So here it is. Here we are.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

I mean, that's what I that's what I love about this podcast is we we we really do do some random ass fucking shit because I don't know why I don't know how we got here exactly. I know you suggested it, but yeah, somehow, somehow we we are doing a glee Christmas special, so here y'all go.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Um we will not break out into song because I did not I was not able to rehearse. I was not able to get my tea with honey, so I will not be performing tonight.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

One thing we we we weren't able to book Ashanti to cover your vocals.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

Oh now I'm Jayla. Now I'm Jayla. We could have sung over the pre-recorded track with a lot of auto-tune like we're Tate McRae, but well, yeah, we could.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

We could we could horse walk like her too. Um not horse walk. But uh I I think Tate McCrae probably would have loved Glee. Um, she was definitely a Gleek. I thought she was a Glee. Right. Right. And I I'd be curious to know how many of our listeners were watching Glee back in the day. The thing is, is that so like for me, my experience with Glee at least was I remember watching the first and second season, like when they were when they were airing, and then I watched the premiere for the third season, and then I never watched it again after that. Um I I I just I just saw clips here and there.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

I just saw clips and the exact same experience. I think it was a little purple piano project that pissed me off too much. But I I don't think I watched like the first half of season one live, maybe like the finale or something. By the time the second half of those episodes aired, I was all in, and then season two as well. But season three, I was like, um, I don't think I like this, and I fell off, you know, very quickly. Yeah, and then I would pop in here and there, watch some episodes, not religiously, but I remember watching like the season five Christmas episode, like the year it came out. Maybe not like live, but you know, that that was on demand era before Netflix. Where if you if if you pay for your cable, you could you could watch like the last three or four weeks episodes on the main. Right.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Yeah, no, and I think I don't know. I think I mean.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

I didn't watch that last season with the weird recast. I I strangely did watch that live. I don't know why I did, but nostalgia. Well, okay. With the girl who said that Leah Michelle said the shit in her wig. I remember her.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Well, well, I think I don't, I honestly, and I like really don't know why I fell off the show so suddenly so hard. I mean, sometimes I do that. It's I I guess sometimes I did because it's kind of it's kind of like on on Survivor, I think game changers or whatever. Sandra got voted out, and I I never turned on Survivor again. I haven't seen an episode since. They voted on Sandra's like, oh, okay, I'm done. Nothing. So see, we we just have we have similar breaking points, I think. Our our final straw is our final straw. Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

I think we see when shows are you know on an evolution. But also this is the first one. Our final straw was playing. Our final straw was playing. This is Ryan Murphy's MO. I guess I didn't know it then because Glee was my first Ryan Murphy experience. But you know, after enduring, you know, a horror story and Scream Queens, it's clear he does anthologies for a reason.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Yeah, I think. Yeah, I don't know. And you know what's funny is because I had never seen the the only of these four episodes, these four Christmas specials that we are covering today, the only one I had seen previously was the season two one, the very first one. Um, I never I never saw any of the other Christmas specials. Um including the infamous uh season five one. Um which which now I know why it was infamous.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

I definitely saw the season four one for the first time. Season three, I'm like, this looks kind of familiar. I don't know if I tried to watch it before. I definitely think I watched it live, but in season five, we know I've seen, and the season two one I've also seen. Sorry, what were you saying?

SPEAKER_01 4:51

No, I was literally just saying that the season five Glee Christmas special being part of your annual viewing is what sends me.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

It is. I mean, it was very for the time when it aired like 2013 or so. I'm gonna assume 2013, 2014. I you know, it was part for the humor at the time. I remember watching it on demand and cackling my ass off. Like, oh, this is crazy. And every so often, if I if I want to laugh and I want to get my life, I rewatch that episode. And pretty much that episode is why this episode is in existence, because I just wanted a reason to talk about it. But I threw in the other ones too, and I'm glad I did because you know I I I found myself pleasantly enjoying some of it. Yeah, it was a cute way to get into the spirit, but so so some were okay, some were great, some were still my favorites, but shall we get into it?

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Yeah, I think so. And today we're gonna be going over them chronologically. So we're gonna start from the season two special, go all the way to the season five special, as well as we are going to a fun little additional thing is we're gonna kind of like put like kind of assemble our ranking of the Christmas specials as we go. So each episode as we cover it, we're gonna say where it is in our ranking. And you know, as we're discussing maybe other episodes, you know, if you at any point feel the need to change your ranking, I see no problem with that. Um, but we'll revisit the rankings at the end to see maybe I guess just to see how differently our rankings of these steps like kind of stack up. I have a feeling they're gonna be a little bit different, but maybe similar. I don't know. There was there's two episodes that I enjoyed and two episodes that I didn't enjoy, so that's where we are.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

That that's roughly how I feel.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

But I mean, I think only one of us didn't enjoy. I think the other one was like, alright, this is cute.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Yeah. Well, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Oh, this is cute is the first one, season two, episode 10, a very glee Christmas. Which the description is Finn brings Christmas cheer to McKinley as Britney still believes in Santa.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Not done, bitch.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Um I mean that you know that the that's her core defining characteristic, no.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Well, see, that's part that's part of my thing, is I would I was never I was never a Britney stand like a lot of people. My thing with Britney, because my thing is I can enjoy like a dumb ditzy character. Like it can be like I can, you know, like a dumb ditzy, like comic relief character, it can be fun, but Brittany like crosses that threshold for me into the point where she's not just like dumb and ditzy, she's like a character that like can't seem to function. Like she's like that stupid. Like, so that's where I can start annoying.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Oh lord, she was capable of producing a show.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

Um but yeah, I just I don't I don't know. It's just like it's like when you're watching a show, it's like that character that's like, how how do I open a door? It's like it's like okay, I'm sick of eating.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

Fair, fair, fair.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

So I was never a big one.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

I can see I was draining after a while, but I definitely love me some Britney at the time.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Now it's a little ridiculous, but I I loved her in the in the Britney Spears episode. She was she was serving in that. She was serving in that. Oh, uh that's one of my favorite episodes as well.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Um, but yeah, this this episode, so this episode was real I really enjoy this episode. I remember watching it back in the day when it first came out. I liked it back then, I like it now. It's kind they they basically the overarching theme of the episode that's kind of like a glee retelling of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, but they also throw in references to like other kind of like Christmas classics and stuff like that throughout. Um which I thought I thought it was fun. I thought it was like I thought it's a well-done Christmas special in the sense that it's still like it still feels like the show, like the sh it still feels like the show's overall like tone, and they still have like shows like the stream plot. Yeah, the plots that were like happening before this episode and are gonna continue after we're being moved along in this episode. Which is some of the ones. Yeah, for some others. Yeah, because and that's the thing, is like a lot of shows I've noticed when they do when they try to do like a holiday special, a lot of times it's almost like they'll put the entire plot on pause to just do this one-off, which I mean I guess is fine. Yeah, and I guess fine, but like overall for me, I find it more impressive when they can kind of do a holiday episode while keeping the plot moving. Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

It definitely is more impressive, and I think it's indicative of like the episodic era of television where you know it's like December, you're like, okay, I'm fine with this because the show's about to go in hiatus or whatever. Maybe one more episode with plot and you deal with it. But in the streaming era, it's also kind of annoying. But and also I feel like we get less Christmas specials, or we get like little one-off things. It really depends on the show. But yeah, I will say this episode produced one of my favorite numbers of all the Christmas specials with Jane Lynch doing You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

It was the standout.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

I don't know. I think she worked it. She worked it. She didn't really get to do a lot of numbers, so yeah, it was nice seeing her get to do one.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Yeah, I loved it whenever she like plopped in and did a little something something. Um and I also I I kind of I'm not gonna lie, even though we're not clain stands over here, I kind of did like their little baby it's cold outside cover. It was cute. It was cute. I will say of the fourth claim duets, that that was the favorite one, even though isn't it so problematic now? Oh yeah, it's very like sexual assault-ish, to be true. But you know, I mean it's a Ryan Murphy program, that's all I'm gonna say. Um wow. But when this is back when like Glee would do all the albums and stuff, so they had like Glee the the Christmas album and stuff, and um what and when it comes to Clain, I will say like what I kind of thought of is when season two was on, I remember being fine with Clain. Like they were fine, but it's the problem is the later seasons where it just becomes the Klain show and they're annoying.

SPEAKER_02 11:01

Exactly. That's the same thing that I got annoyed with.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Yeah. Well, Blaine's character, like Darren Chris, he like like his character, the way he plays the character in this in like the second season, I thought was like fine. I thought it was actually pretty well done, but then it's like he gets really fucking annoying after this one.

SPEAKER_02 11:18

I mean, I found them both really annoying.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Yeah. As he likes to do.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

Oh my lord. I mean, the streets say that's how Darren Cress got picked out of the University of Michigan YouTube shows. You know, Fox Fox primetime. That's what the streets say. Not not me personally, the streets.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

I'm saying the words of canvas just because your man plucked you off a corner.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

No, I don't think he was on a corner. He was on a stage. He was on a stage.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

But he was doing he was doing corner activities, allegedly. Um my god. But uh, yeah, basically, the episode they open what's okay. So like just cut on some of the plot points. The fucking Sue rigging the secret Santa said that plot point always sends the fuck out of me. When they all realize, like, oh, we all got Sue. She said I'm gonna get me something nice. And she was talking about all these blenders she got and shit, and and and just her whole scheme. I feel like I feel like Sue is a really funny character. I kind of hate, and this episode includes it. I kind of hate when they try to do character development for her, though, because I always know I'm like she's just gonna go back to being evil next episode. What's the point?

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Right, but I mean, I think she was generally more human as the show went on. We get like little glimpses of it, but it was not consistent from episode to episode.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Yeah, well, I think that's I think.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

If she'd come back season one of a new season, like I mean episode one of a new season, like fuck the glee club.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Pretty much that's the thing, is I feel like she kind of had the same like character arc every single season with like some variances, but basically, like she'd be an evil bitch, and then like something would happen that she would like realize like, oh, you know what? I I'm cool with the glee club, and then like you said, the next season, fuck the glee club. Um it reminded me of and this is another Ryan Murphy show, my my my girl Electric on post. She she was iconic, but definitely every season they had to reset her into villain. Well, maybe that's his MO.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

Maybe that's his MO.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Well, I think the problem is I think Ryan Murphy can write some really good villains, and he can also come up with some really good like villain redemption arcs. But the problem is, is like once they're redeemed, it's like, what are you supposed to do now?

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Introduce a new one. But he don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

So he's not gonna do that. He wants to he wants to stick with all that works. Um But we also got what I find interesting too, and Mercedes mentioned this, is like basically because like they I they fucking were doing like um caroling around the school to raise money for for some homeless shit. The damn teacher throwing the shoe at them while they were performing. I was like, bitch. I was like, I was like, someone take her credentials for them. But um, and and I I and I love it too because Mercedes was like, we we've won sectional two years in a row and everyone still thinks we suck. And it kind of always sends me on this show how dramatically they played off, like that just everyone fucking hates the Glee Club. It's like, well, what like I don't see I don't really think it would be like this in real life. I don't think everybody would just fucking hate the Glee Club for no good reason. Oh, slushies in Ohio.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Well, if there was a club the bully, I guess I guess it's the theater kids. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Right.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

I mean in my high school it definitely wasn't that because black people love a musical, so you you weren't exactly popular, but you weren't getting slushies thrown on you. Well, and like I mean like You had some vocals. I mean if you were acting like Rachel Berry, you might I thought they would have jumped her more than throwing a slushie on her.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

But then it would have beat her ass.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

But uh well, and it's just like um like the fucking abstinence club is right there too. You could bully that. Not the abstinence club. That's true, you can bully that. You can bully the abstinence club. That's fine. I'm gonna say, you dumb virgin.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Um another key plot element is Brittany asked Santa, aka Coach B, that she wants Artie to do it. This dumb ball guy.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Well, no, because first she asked Black Santa for him to walk. That's true. That's it. The black Santa kind of sent me just because well, I mean, well, I mean, A, just like you kind of got like a quick scene of like everyone taking turns sitting on his lap asking him for what they wanted. You had Santa Santana implying he got a boner. And then well, that thing is I I don't know if he actually if I was supposed to be played off like he actually did, or she was just being herself, her normal shenanigans. I guess the woman I never know. But then Britney gets on his lap, and of course, Britney believing that Santa's real, she's like points over at uh at wheels, talking about wheels talking about, oh I want my boyfriend to be able to walk for Christmas. And and Santa just looks at her like, what like is this bitch fucking for real? I'd be pissed. If I were portraying Santa, I'd be pissed. Like, oh I gotta I gotta tell this bitch no. Like, oh no, I'm sorry, I can't make him walk. He's like, I'll try my best. But then they they basically send Coach Beaston to Britney's house as Santa Claus dressed as Santa Claus, and Britney does not question the change in melanin at all.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

Uh she's colorblind though, maybe she's colourblind.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Well, nor does she question the the more feminine approach, but whatever. Um but then basically they send Coach Beaston as Santa Claus to try to can just to kind of like let her down easy to be like, girl, you want something else? Uh besides making him walk. And she's just like, Well, no, I want him to fucking walk. I was like, damn, this girl is like determined. She's like, uh uh, I asked for what I asked for. Right. And Coach and Coach Beast is like, well, you know, that might not happen, so don't get your hopes up. Which I don't know. Like I said, like with Britney, this is a good thing. She was trying to temper the expectations. Like, uh that's it. I don't know. With Britney, this whole plot point I just kind of found annoying. Like with her like being like, Oh my god, I believe in Santa. Uh oh, you were not feeling it. You weren't not feeling it. Well, like I said, it's just like the stupidity. Like, just like I'm okay, I'm just a little much. And then also just the fact that like everybody apparently in the school is like catering to this bullshit. Uh you know, the whole Glee Club, like, okay, I got to go along with it. I guess Artie wanted some coochie. I don't know. I think that's the core of it. But also with with how mean these people are to each other on this show, like, I'm like, uh there's no way in hell, like, one of them would have been like, you dumb bitch.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

Well well, she was a Cheerio. She still has some cash, even though she was in the lee club.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

Uh well, and I feel like with with Britney, like, I don't I think they never knew if they wanted to make her like like the the school slut or like the infantilized, like, little like child bring. Like, I felt like they didn't really know which direction they wanted to go with that.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

Oh no, for sure. Especially because season one, it was like, oh, she's the school slut. And then season two, three, she gets more characterization in. I think it got more popular. They were like, well, we gotta pivot from this, and also like the Britannia of it all. Because Santana was kind of the same way, too. They were both kind of just like slutty cheerleaders in season one.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Yeah, they moved.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

But the fans were like, well, we like these bitches, so do more. And I guess Ryan Murphy hated Diana Agron because Quinn got pushed to the side. But you know, we can do a whole episode of what that would Quinn for Bre. That was Quinn for Bread.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

That literally is a whole episode's worth of shenanigans. Um, but yeah, basically, as the episode continues, we have Rachel like desperately trying to get back together with Finn. I guess they had broken up in the previous episodes because she cheated. Uh, everyone wants to cheat with Pat. But um, which I mean, honestly, like that, like the Rachel and Finn storylines, like when I'm rewatching like this, I'm just like, okay, whatever, I don't care. Uh like I'm I mainly skip past them. Um and then we also have Sue deciding to try to ruin Christmas as the Grinch, obviously. Her and Becky stealing the damn presents, tearing up the choir, fucking up that tree. Um that tree day was the day we decorated and rehearsing with. Right. But then, of course, she has a change of heart when she hears their their damn song singing about Christmas. And so she takes all the presents back to Will's apartment. Uh, the new directions show up. They they chew up Will, who by the way is alone on Christmas because he divorced his crazy ass ex-wife Terry.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

Yeah, and then Emma died with a new nigga.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

That's it. Emma went and got that John Stamos dick. Um, and then I already did end up getting a walk because Coach B secretly purchased some invention that he could just get in and walk.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

And what sent me it's called a rewalk.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

Yeah, and what sent me was the fact that like as I was watching it and run out, I was like, wait a second. I was like, but I don't think they ever use this again. And then when I watched the next season Christmas special, they broke they referenced it and they were like, Oh, yeah, that walking machine that broke the next day.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

They did follow up on it, and apparently they're priced at$85,000 per unit. So I hope Coach Beast used the money-back guarantee or something, because that's not a coin. Well, what what nothing?

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Where where did Coach Beast have that money from anyway?

SPEAKER_02 20:32

I wasn't really the Christmas spirit. Did the reindeers make the elves make that? Did the elves make it?

SPEAKER_01 20:37

I don't know. I mean, they I mean they heavily implied that she just bought it for him, but I don't know. Um, but like I'm like, you're you're uh you're a football, like a high school football coach in Ohio. Ohio.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Oh while Ohio, did I leave Ohio? Just because I've never been to Ohio, but um overall it was cute.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

My last note was that I was like, oh yeah, I forgot Lauren Zises was in the delete club because she was she was in the background seeing the singing during the little group number at the end. At some point.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

I love because like her scenes are always just so random. Like when she runs into two in the Hawaiian shot the Christmas hat on. She's like, Why are you wearing that hat? Because it's fun. The only scene I remember is when she beat Santana's ass. Oh, she did fuck up Santana. That was crazy. And I remember her, I remember her and Puck were hitting it hard.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

Oh, they were. They were. They did they did bang. I remember that. Well, she swung Santana to the locker. I was like, oh. Oh, is this kind of show? It's the bad girls club now.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Uh not the bad it kind of was the bad girls club sometimes. Sometimes those girls were fighting. Right.

SPEAKER_02 21:45

Um I liked it. It wasn't my favorite one, but I enjoyed it. I got feel like it when it aired.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:56

But the overall story, I think you're right. It was kind of childish and annoying upon reason. Watch.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

Yeah. But you know what's funny is I think I think this is my number one. I'm not gonna lie. I think this is my favorite. Because I feel like the other ones, I feel like some like I feel like one of the other ones, and I think we all know which one is gonna be, but one of the other ones is more entertaining than this one. But I felt like this one, like I said earlier, it still felt like it was just part of like the show, whereas like future ones just felt felt a little too displaced for me. I felt like this one like fit into the overall show better, at least for the show at the time.

SPEAKER_02 22:36

I agree with that. If that's the metric, then I'd definitely say this one wins. But I was going up a pure entertainment value. That's why this is three for me.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

We're far from the best.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

Yeah. That thing, yeah. I will say just um a few moments that made me really cackle was a Santana lifting ornaments from a recently murdered woman. When she was talking about, like, oh yeah, my my neighbor, that's other his his her son finally had enough of her. Um so like I was like, oh, so you you you went over there and just took some Christmas ornaments, girl?

SPEAKER_02 23:08

Um and she had the nice Tiffany ornaments, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

One thing, and then Quinn asking Santa if he has anything for stretch marks. I was like, Oh, I was like, Oh yeah, you had a baby last year. Beth, I hear you calling. One thing, and then um I also when Rachel gave Finn a present and said, Yeah, I'm a Jew, so I don't normally do this, but she was annoying with that.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

And Finn liked the Christmas special. That's why she got left.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

That's why she got left.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

She was like, Which was crazy. I don't understand the difference between an elf and a slave. Which I believe she said it to a black elf uh at the mall, but I might be making that.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

Yeah, I'm sure she did.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Yeah. No, I think you're right. I think she did. Yeah, that was something, huh?

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Well, on to on to the next. We have season three, episode nine, an extraordinary Merry Christmas. The new directions was performed. Two events on the same day at the same time. And we opened with Amber Riley eating the fuck out of All I Want for Christmas.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

She ate she ate that. She fucking ate that.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

Another one of my favorite um performances from these this batch of episodes. It might be my favorite one, but we know I love me some Amber Riley, so I mean, she eats it every time.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

She eats it every time, and she she was she was singing to her man, too. She was singing to him.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

She didn't have her nice her filing a white male with his big lips.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Not trouty man. Trouty man.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

I've never seen lips on that on a white child before.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

When the Irish guy walked in, I forgot about him. It's like, oh yeah, they had they had a leprechaun on him.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

You know what, bitch, you can't say that. And and he he'd be popping up from the Christmas episode. They always want to give him a big roll at Christmas. I don't remember him this much in the show at all.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

He wants to show up and shout out.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

Even the one with dreads that was always walking around barefoot. I'd be forgetting about that.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

Well, yeah, the ones right because he was in the he was in like the Jesus club at school.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Looking like Jesus with them dreads walk around barefoot, like he's about to go pin and get nailed to a cross. Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Oh wow, that was crazy. That was really crazy.

SPEAKER_02 25:41

I mean, I feel like I mean Ryan Murphy does an activity scene, so don't put it past him. We'll get to it though. In this episode, Sue recruits the Glee Cup this got a homeless shelter. But then uh Mr. Shu's ass on the cards. They had a better book on TV. And Artie for some reason talks about well, I never I thought I told myself I never saw that on do television. First of all, you're 16 bitch.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

I was cackling at that meta-ass line. I was like, oh, okay. Well, here you are, Kevin McHale. Here you are in a wheelchair. Here you are, in a wheelchair that you that you you don't even need, you ableist bitch stealing rolls from bitches that are stealing rolls from bitches that can't walk. Um but you know, it was 2009 when he was cast, so I guess it's a different time, huh?

SPEAKER_03 26:33

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Um yeah, but basic and and Sue was really upset when when Artie was like, you know what? We we haven't we have a better opportunity, so we're gonna go with this. Right. He's like, we're gonna go be on television.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

Sue's like, uh uh, because my sister died. I was trying to chill. You know, I see why Sue was pissed with this.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

And Artie wanted to be director so damn bad. Well, I think because Sue was trying to be a decent person, and then and then Artie was like missing me with all that sad shit. He was giving you that when he was about we're not doing no he's not we're not doing no ballads, we're not doing no slow songs. I do love when Artie gets to do his crazy ass director bag though.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

Nothing he was like, we're not doing any of that bullshit. But his his his final concept, I was like, okay, this is all black and white, old school Judy Garland bullshit. Yeah, I was like, that's gay ass shit. I don't necessarily like it, so that's why I think this episode is um the last one for me. There's so much of it is the show, and I don't really necessarily like the concept. Even though the music itself and the songs aren't awful, I just wasn't feeling it. I just don't think it was executed that well. But I do think from a performance standpoint, I'm sure it was like fun to do and they had a good time. Yeah. And at this point, this is where Glee was just doing songs and you know, performances that do performances rather than embedded into the story. So while season five is egregious, I think this one is also just feels out of place the most.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Yeah, no, I think this one, this one is actually, I think, my least favorite as well. I just feel like, yeah, it comes at the bottom of my ranking. I just feel like A, I agree with you that I didn't really like the actual Christmas special, and that did take up like a good entire middle of the episode, basically.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

A good 20 minutes is black and white bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Yeah, and then it's like I also feel like there was like a lot of stuff in this film that there was not like really like any proper resolution to. Like there was like there was like um there was Rachel being like a greedy bitch. Um want all these things from Finn. That that like so much. There wasn't really like it, there was just like a few scenes of her just basically being like, no, fuck you, Finn. I'm I'm gold digging. And it's like gold digging this broke man is crazy in high school of all places. But um, yeah, like she she was like, no, I want all this shit. And then at the end of so she was like, No, I'm happy with just I'm happy with anything. I just love you. It's like, well, what there was not like a middle part to the storyline. Well, you know, she has to go through the dramatics. She's a you know, she's a performer. Well, I just like watching it because I'd never seen before, I was like, Oh, is he gonna like break up with her for like over this and then they're gonna get back together, and she's gonna be like, I all I wanted was you, but like it wasn't any of that. Like, she just like went from one extreme to the next, and she was perfectly happy with that damn pig.

SPEAKER_02 29:21

Well, at this point, he he he he was fine with it, clearly. And they just broke up in the last Christmas special, so I don't think they were gonna run that back, but Rachel wasn't being really curious.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

I I put it I wouldn't put it past Ryan Murphy to repeat the same fucking storyline for the next Christmas special. And I did I I I will agree with Rachel that the pig gift was kind of crazy because like she as she said, she's a Jew and a vegan, so like excuse me.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

That's correct. This episode also felt very fragmented. It just seemed like between the two events, the black and white, the random Rory ballad at the beginning.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

Right. Well, and there was like no, because like the way that the premise made it seem like, oh my god, it's gonna be this big thing where they're gonna have to pick between doing the TV special and doing Sue Singh, but they just ended up easily doing both. Like they did a TV special, right? And then they and at the end of the episode after the special, they just like showed up at the fucking homeless shelter, like, oh yeah, I know we're late, but we brought food, so it's all good. And Sue's like, Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

And this one Reddit comment about the episode sent me. Anyone else like that performing? Do they know it's Christmas in front of a load of homeless and hungry people a bit patronizing?

SPEAKER_01 30:24

And I was like, What and yes, yes, and and Sue talking about portion control while they're feeding the homeless.

SPEAKER_02 30:38

I was saying, well, I didn't like the episode overall. Some of the numbers I did enjoy. Of course, Amber Riley, All I Want for Christmas. My favorite I love my favorite things raindrops or roses. And I think that was a cute little number.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

I think the little Brittany number, it was called Christmas wrapping. They were using little like ribbons, twirling it. They had these little quick Christmas outfits. It was fun, it was upbeat. And I always appreciate a Heather Morris solo, a Heather Morris number. So I did enjoy the music on this uh this one. I would say that's what they had going for them in this special.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

Right. Yeah, no, I think they I feel like the music they always kind of bring it in these specials. Um and I will I just want to say that my favorite quote from this episode came from Artie, and he said, Some say Judy was high on pills and booze, referring to Judy Garland. But I say she was high on excitement and baby Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 31:31

I mean, what why can't I be both? Why can't it be both?

SPEAKER_01 31:34

Oh, actually, you know what? Also, because I had a backup here. My other favorite quote was from Sue Sylvester. Uh Wheels, Porcelain, Other Game. The Yule Time. And everyone knows that Christmas is a time for forgiveness. So I decided to forgive you for having no talent and ruining the American songbook one mashup at a time.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

That did have mechanical. And this is uh and this is before let's have a fucking Kiki and Turkey Lurky time. The most important thing. And I'm after like, I don't play that shit every Thanksgiving, which I do, which I do.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

Let's have a Kiki Sarah, Jessica Parker just be in this.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

I'm just upset we didn't get um Sugar Mata in this episode. Apparently, Vanessa Langji's had a vacation with her parents, so she doesn't appear in it. And she's not really in the late seasons. So this is this is like her missing out on a Christmas episode, which she's one of my favorite, like recurring background New Directions members. So I'm just upset we don't get her.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

I'm crying at you like tracking down the reason why she was absent from the episode. Like, I don't know. I I I I just I just feel like nobody else has ever checked to see why she was absent from this episode. Well, the they had the information, so clearly somebody can.

SPEAKER_02 32:56

At least according to the Degle fandom wiki. I mean, of course, we don't know how accurate that is, but I feel like there's a dedicated week making sure there's accurate information on here. So I trust in the fandom. I trust in the fandom. But I I did genuinely go, What the fuck is sugar? Well, after I watched all episodes, I was like, what the fuck was Sugar Mada?

SPEAKER_01 33:14

Honestly, I think because I never really like got I think because I never really watched much past the first episode of season three, sometimes I forget about Sugar. And I just when I do remember her, all I can remember is her fucking her song. Hey, big Spender.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

Spender Spending has been like compilations and whatnot. But and I might go watch season three just to watch the Troubletones. I've seen a lot of their numbers, but maybe I need to watch the whole thing as well. Because I do enjoy the Troubletones.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

But yeah, just overall, I would say that like if season two was my first place position on my ranking, season three, the special was definitely my last place.

SPEAKER_02 33:57

Agreed. This is in fourth place for me. And you know what? That's what they deserve. They didn't do anything special. So I think the other I think the other specials either fit into the story more. They were a little more entertaining in format or they had a little bit more going on.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

Yeah, I will say, I guess moving on to the season four special, which was season four episode 10, Glee Actually, which is a play on the I think it's a movie, right? Love Actually.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

Yeah, Love Actually.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

Which is kind of like how it was, like that movie's about like nine different journeys talking about love and how they all connected and intertwined. So the episode manifested itself that way with different little vignets and pretty much each character getting a little like five-minute moment and then all coming together in the end.

SPEAKER_00 34:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

Which is cute. I actually really enjoyed it. I didn't think I would like this one that much. I kind of was like, oh whatever. I think it was the last one I watched, and I was like, oh my god, I really like this. Which even though I've never seen Love actually, I kind of knew I had this approach, so I went with an open mind, but it was cute.

SPEAKER_01 35:03

Right. Yeah, no, I I I liked it definitely more than the season three special. I felt like there was more going on besides like it just being like, oh, it's a Christmas special. Um, I felt like there was more going on. Um I kind of I didn't know it was definitely it felt like a very dark episode, to be honest. Because I mean, like we have because Artie has Artie gets hurt and basically has like this like vision or dream or whatever of like what life would be like if he wasn't paralyzed. And it's like this it's kind of like this alternate reality where every like the Glee Club never took off, and it's dark. You have like Mr. Schuster is still married to that crazy bitch Terry, and she's walking around with like a doll baby that he that she says he's so drunk that he doesn't even realize.

SPEAKER_02 35:55

That was well, I need your paycheck before you blow it on booze and flannel shirts. I said, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

Well, and honestly, I appreciated it because I always I always love when Terry Schuster like randomly re-emerges after the first season.

SPEAKER_02 36:10

Just to be a messy ass, but I loved it too.

SPEAKER_01 36:13

Right, right. And then um you have like Rachel never became a star. Somehow Miss Becky became the school slot. And and and Quinn just died, apparently. Quinn like after she was paralyzed in her car accident, which I completely forgot the card.

SPEAKER_03 36:29

I forgot about that too.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

I know we have to go and we'll go.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

Quinn texts and drives in every timeline already.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

That was ridiculous. Um, but yeah, the fact that she didn't have this part of the glue club, so she just died of a broken heart. And then, like, later in the episode, we find out that like Kurt's dad, Bert, has been diagnosed with cancer. Like, this was just a very dark episode.

SPEAKER_02 36:49

Yeah, no, it was it was there's a lot of like I can't find the word, but uh, it was it was an episode that had you thinking and feeling for sure. Especially the Artie thing, and especially I didn't expect it to be as deep as it was, but it was kind of true that like Artie was the glue of the Glee Club and you know directed a lot of things, kept the group together, and motivated a lot of people. So I think it was cute that they finally gave Artie like a bit of a moment to show how important he was, because they definitely give him lines or storylines or whatever. So I think he's another one who got to shine like Christmas episodes or random specials and whatnot. And then they kind of give Artie more to do, which I appreciated. But um, for some reason, his number is Felice Navidad. I don't Felice Navidad I don't see how it fits with everything that was going on, like totally it felt so weird, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

Alright. I I screamed, I screamed as soon as he finished when Alternate Universe Finn said, Oh, that's so good.

SPEAKER_02 37:45

Oh yeah, there's no Glee Club, so all like the straight guys from Glee Club are the jocks bullying Kurt. And I was like, Oh.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

And they're still they're they're they're basically basically they just never stop being homophobic. Pretty much. We go back to season one vibes where they were just homophobic as fuck all the time.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

You know, I I already, you know, he he gets to feel complete knowing he's contributing to the Glee Club.

unknown 38:06

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

Kurt is staying home and Rachel's this this at me. She's like, oh, do you want to go on a Rosie O'Donnell gay cruise with my me and my dad? That's the kind of dumb shit I would do with my child if I had a theater kid daughter with my gay ass. Like, I would be like, Yeah, we're going on a Rosie O'Donnell cruise. Why why not? Why not?

SPEAKER_01 38:22

It sounds like a good time.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

Who doesn't love Rosie? Kurt drops the bomb of having cancer. And then we get the whack ass Blaine Kurt duet we get every special.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

Every Christmas special, they gotta do something. Those two fudge packers have to sing something. Sorry, that was crazy.

SPEAKER_02 38:40

You're ridiculous. You're ridiculous. But this season they did White Christmas, Michael Blue Blay, Sinea Twine version.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

It was alright. It was cute. I thought it was alright.

SPEAKER_02 38:54

I prefer the maybe it's cold outside, but right.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

That's it. We we prefer the more problematic one.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

Um but I do think the storyline was cute overall. I I always did enjoy Bert Homo when he was on the show.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

So yeah. And I I I love um I love whenever breadsticks the restaurant is mentioned. So I I I app I appreciated um I appreciated uh the have yourself a merry little Christmas partially song in breadsticks.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

Because I'm going to bread sticks, they were always giving up breadsticks gift cards.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

What they won, I think, because in the in the previous special, Artie's Christmas special was sponsored. It was like it said like brought to you by breadsticks. Um I will say though, like, when they were doing the have yourself a merry little Christmas number, where it was like in unison between the characters in New York and the characters back at uh in Lima, Ohio, it kind of reminded me of like I don't I never necessarily like the concept of them like of them like splitting the show where it was like taking place partially in New York and partially back at the high school. I'm like, just commit to one or the other. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 40:07

It was confusing and hard to follow and like kind of split the narrative and development. But they weren't letting go of Leah Michelle, I guess. But no, I think that was the beginning of the end. They didn't know what they wanted to be. They were trying to please everyone, the fans, the stars. They know what to do, they know what to do. And then the next storyline we get is focuses on Jake Puckerman, so which is um Puck's half-brother. And it starts with Cookie from Nesda classified, bullying Jake, talking about So Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, which is it? Because you know, he is half black, so also Jewish asking that you go an African or Hebrew for the holidays, and then and then going Quanaka, which finally, you know, anchors Jake, and Jake pops him in the mouth. And then Puck shows up and you know jumps in and saves those boys. But just the intro of this one is a lot. It's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Yeah. Yeah, no. I think I just feel like whenever I see Jake Puckerman, I'm just like, oh, you're like a boring version of Puck.

SPEAKER_02 41:05

He was boring. Well, that boy was cute. I always thought he was very cute. Jake Artist. Yeah, I mean he was cute. I don't know if he gets worse though, but apparently he's like a like a trained dancer, so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

I don't know. I just always felt like, and it I'm not saying it's necessarily even him as an actor, but it just felt like his those like mid reboot characters had like no no chance.

SPEAKER_02 41:28

I feel like Mario, him, Kitty, Ryder, they were all kind of just like we don't really care about you, we're not really developing you, we're still investing in some of the older characters too. And then they just got rid of them like two seasons later.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

Right. When the problem I think the problem with them was is that like they introduced them as like clones or like new versions of old characters, and then they like try to develop them and like take them in a different direction. But I just feel like bringing them in as like, oh, she's the new Rachel, oh she's the new Quinn, he's the new Puck. I felt like that just like fucked them over from the start because then I feel like it creates like weird expectations that aren't gonna be met.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

Oh, for sure. And well, and I feel like by the time they learned how to introduce like more interesting archetypes or like different characters in season six, it was a little too late. I do think those season six characters weren't the worst, but yeah, no, it's they were hard to kind of root for. I think Sam was the only like well, because he came in season two, but he was the only like a good newer character that like I think you got time to be invested about and care about.

SPEAKER_00 42:29

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 42:30

But yeah. No, I agree. Oh, for sure. So we get Jake and Puck, they go to LA. Puck is a pool cleaner, but he tries to pretend like it's his apartment, and the owner comes back like bitch, get out of my shit. So Jake is like, bitch, why are you lying at me? But that I guess they're trying to impress LA Big Wigs. I don't really there's no kind of motivation with Puck is just kind of being random. They sing a song called Hanukkah on Hanukkah. It was kind of upbeat and lit, but overall it's just Puck being a dumb bitch, I think.

SPEAKER_01 43:03

Yeah, no, he he he is always a dumb bitch. He he he he's a dumbass.

SPEAKER_02 43:07

But I thought it was interesting that they made their feuding mamas meet because they are half-brothers on their dad's side, so the moms were there throwing shade at the fucking breadsticks.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

It's always out of breadsticks, it's always out of breadsticks, it always comes back to breadsticks.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

It always comes back to breadsticks. But you know, it was nice to see the new characters' dimension explored more. We got a little family background. And then the Britney and Sam sub hot is fucking ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 43:35

Oh yeah, no, it's I feel I feel like every Christmas special now I'm starting to realize I'm like, you know, everything involved in Brittany is some bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 43:43

Uh but you know, this is back to the December 21, 2012 conspiracy theory that the world's ending.

SPEAKER_03 43:49

Britney was believing it.

SPEAKER_02 43:51

So she goes around giving people out Rolexes and Camries and big ass gifts. Because she thinks the world's gonna end. And Sam comes to her like, bitch, me too. So it's just two fucking idiots with one brain cell running around. They want to get fake married so Beast Fake marries them. Sam somehow performs jingle about rock. I tell you the numbers and this Feliz don't have a lot of jingle about rock, just I was like, okay. The Gussie I was just clamoring for Christmas music to find. Well, yeah, yeah, they know we see Brittany and Sam, the two like dumb characters, kind of have a moment. And you also see Coach Beach kind of acknowledge it. She's like, I know you two um special kids. Oh, you mean they're dumb as rocks?

SPEAKER_01 44:35

Not dumb as rocks. I mean, yeah, yeah. That that's accurate. I just, yeah, I feel like definitely as they went along, it definitely became more about well, well, we're just gonna sing the hits, we're gonna sing the Christmas classics. As Sue said, we're gonna we're gonna ruin all these songs.

SPEAKER_02 44:53

We're gonna ruin the American songbook. And then Sue, as she does every Christmas episode, has a little change of heart, is gonna be nice just for Christmas. And she gets Marley's broke ass mama for Secret Santa, and she they get she gets her a bougie ass sweater, gets them so much. Even though she keeps calling the mama big bitch, Miss Um What's that lady's name? Miss Rose, Miss Millie Rose.

SPEAKER_01 45:15

I think so. They they were always dragging Marley's mama. Like like Kitty had some fashion to say about it.

SPEAKER_02 45:20

She worked in the cafeteria, and they were always taking a whack at her.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

When I I remember cause like Kitty was always trying to make Marley, Marley's skinny ass, self-conscious about her weight. I remember she made a I remember in a in a in a compilation clip I saw of Kitty one, she made a comment about um to J after Jake left Kitty for Marley. She's like, Well, you you better you better enjoy her before her 5,000 pound genetics kick in any minute now.

SPEAKER_02 45:47

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

Oh, that's kind of crazy.

SPEAKER_02 45:51

She ate like 40 in high school.

SPEAKER_01 45:53

Well, she was like Quinn and Santana mixed together, but like turned up to like level one million meanness. Yeah, I know. No, Kitty Kitty was evil. Because I mean, she like the other ones, they said mean stuff, but like she really was like just like as evil as possible.

SPEAKER_02 46:08

She was so kind of angly intercepted, but does she like them? Do they like her?

SPEAKER_01 46:14

Right. What thing, yeah, like somehow like they were just cool with her just like saying the most fucked up shit to them like non-stop. Which I mean, I guess that's kind of how it was with Santana. They kind of just tolerated her being a bitch.

SPEAKER_02 46:26

Yeah, but I guess she still had her humanizing moments I would open up. I don't think Kitty necessarily got that, but I don't necessarily watch her episodes.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Well, I did see apparently there was a storyline where she like where where she like opened up about being molested or something. So I guess there's that.

SPEAKER_02 46:41

Well, I mean she opens up in previously on Ear Christmas a little bit, calling herself Mary Magdalene. So that's that's something.

SPEAKER_01 46:52

Should we wrap this up and move on to that that interesting episode?

SPEAKER_02 46:56

You mean you mean the best episode. You mean the best episode.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

Yeah. Well, so where I guess for me, my ranking where this stands is season two is my number one, season three is my number four. This one from season four, I would say a special is probably my number three. Like it was better than the season three special by far, in my opinion. But I don't think it necessarily did not amuse me as much as this next one we're gonna talk about.

SPEAKER_02 47:24

I actually have it as my number two because I found it you know, I found it doing a little bit more than the season two one. I thought it was more entertaining, and definitely better than the season three one. Yeah, and I was just pleasantly surprised by it because I went in like, oh, this is from season four or whatever. You know, I feel like that's the dark days angle, like season four especially. I was like, I don't care about these characters, I don't care what they're doing, I don't know love actually, but I think I was pleasantly surprised by it, and I like how they wrapped all the narratives together. Even though I do think the songs in this one were a bit random and lacking, like if it was purely from a music standpoint, I think three would edge this out, but the season three one was just a terrible episode, so yeah, no, I get that.

SPEAKER_01 48:06

Yeah, it was just like not yeah, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 48:09

Previously on Near Christmas, it is my favorite one. I will spoil that now. It also has my least favorite song across all these specials, so Oh kind of fun. That's interesting. Oh yeah. Because why the fuck were we doing Alvin the Chipmunk song? I get that it's 2012, but we did not do we could have left that with Alvin and the Chipmunk. I was watching those movies. I was at the age of that mode. I had a blast, but like, let's keep that there. We didn't we don't need to do that. We don't need to do that.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

Yeah, I mean I guess it makes sense though, because I feel like at the time that's like that's like when people were like like remixing all of those songs into like Alvin and the Chipmunk's versions, or like to make it sound like it, you know? So I don't know, maybe it was like what what what whatever like whatever an early 2010s meme would have been.

SPEAKER_02 48:58

Quite literally. But this is season five, episode eight, previously unaired Christmas, the new directions audition for Rawls and McKenley's living nativity scene, and they kind of present this episode as like, oh, Fox hid this away. We get Jane Lynch as Jane Lynch, not to Sylvester, like, oh, this was so offensive and crazy that we have to hide it away. But so it actually takes place a year before. So it takes place the same time as the season four special, Glee, actually, but in an alternate universe, I guess. So they're trying to get ready for a Christmas decoration competition and also the nativity scene situation. And then in New York, we have a subplot with Kurt and Rachel who live there, and Santana pops up on them. So that's back to scene set. We got two separate things going on, and I don't know. I from what I watched is I always clacked my ass off. It's very offensive. It's very 2013. Yeah. And they were December 5, 2013. It's very of the times, but oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:55

No, it's definitely it's definitely very much of the time where like kind of the general sense of humor was very much like let's make let's just think it's a little shocking, a little, a little spicy. That was like very much the sense of humor the time. It's it's kind of like Edgelord type shit, you know, where it's like, what this this is gonna gag the girl.

SPEAKER_02 50:15

Maybe they wanted a ratings boost or something, because they just the fact that it's it, it's like they don't even pretend to move the plot along like the other ones. Like they were just straight up like, oh, this happened last year. But you know, we're airing anyway.

SPEAKER_01 50:28

Yeah, I do love the way they they they try to make it seem like this is like a banned episode. Um like that that does amuse me, especially with the title Previous Line on Christmas. Like, I don't know, it's just like it's like funny to me in the way that the episode, like in its concept, and like just from the very beginning, it's a joke, you know.

SPEAKER_02 50:47

Um I think production won up like or like the network wanted a Christmas episode, but the production didn't really work with it when what we know when they were producing it. And I think they were just like, Well, you know what? We're gonna do this.

SPEAKER_01 51:00

Right? We're gonna make it work. We're gonna make it work. Um, well, we kind of like start with um they're doing uh the new directions are entering McKinley High's annual tree decorating contest, and Tina and Sam are basically put in charge of the project, and Tina desperately wants to win the fucking prize. Like she wants to win hard. Like she is like y'all in the subject.

SPEAKER_02 51:29

Yeah, push me to the side enough. It's my turn, bitch.

SPEAKER_01 51:32

And you know, I I feel her on that because she basically spent all that time just like on the sidelines, being in the background, swaying, doing whatever. And then it's her senior year, and she's like, you know what? I wanna be the it's my turn to be the fucking star.

SPEAKER_02 51:46

Right. And you know what? They're all falling in line, so clearly it works. Right, it works like the problematic that starts from the beginning. We get Jake Puckerman being told, uh, he's gonna be jealous of because he's a darkly tanned Jew. Which you know what, accurate, but I don't think you could say that, Coach Beast.

SPEAKER_01 52:04

That'd say accurate but unnecessary to say.

SPEAKER_02 52:10

And then um Kitty tells Unique that you can't, you're black, you'd crush a donkey, which is like, oh.

SPEAKER_01 52:16

That was a crazy line. That was a very crazy line. And just like the just like the Facebook like Unique makes one, like, oh I think Unique was ready to pop her in the mouth, but one and Kenny also because Marley said something about being a virgin, and Kitty said, Oh, that's a shocker. The thing nobody's tickled your inside your musty mildewed granny pants.

SPEAKER_02 52:36

And I talk about no way they're gonna let a Chinese girl play Mary. And then Marley Paul is like, well, I think Tina is Korean, but Kitty doesn't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_01 52:44

That thing Kitty was just going off this episode. She was saying a lot.

SPEAKER_02 52:48

Pretty much this episode was Kitty and Santana say whatever the fuck they want. Because back in New York, yeah. Santana pulls up on the girls, Kurt and Rachel, like, hey girls, I'm here for the weekend, I'm here for the holidays. Brittany broke up with me. I want to turn up. And Rachel, well, I got us, I got us a gig for the mall where all the Broadway bitches go. So we're gonna be elves for Santa. And they show up and Santa's a drunk ass homophobe, calling Kurt and Keith. It's like he has an equity card attitude. He's not here about you know gigs. Talk about maybe you can do that ret medley. That set me up. I was like, Rat medley.

SPEAKER_01 53:24

That's ridiculous. Why you put rent in it?

SPEAKER_02 53:26

You gotta put rhythm in it.

SPEAKER_01 53:28

But you know, Santana did what she does best. She she was rocking her little her little sexy elf costume.

SPEAKER_02 53:33

Oh, she looked the fuck good in that. Naira Vera, may she rest in peace. She looked the fuck good in that.

SPEAKER_01 53:38

I mean, she looked good in everything they put her in, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 53:41

Well, well yes, well yes. You know, Santa's drunk, so Rachel, Kurt, and Santana are like, well, we gotta improvise. So they start singing, they do a low number. People are still like mildly annoyed by it. But you know, then they make it work. They do Here Come Santa Claus down Santa Claus Lane, a cute little rendition. But get to the point where they make Santana play like Mrs. Claus and have kids sit on her lap, which leads to a funny ass compilation.

SPEAKER_03 54:11

Whoa, Santa.

SPEAKER_02 54:13

Rachel. Which he has Rachel come verify if the child should be so big Christmas or not. We have a kid ask for like a leapfrog laptop or something. And she's like, why don't we just get you a laptop? You can't even get porn or whatever you asked me for. Which is crazy insane. And the last but not least, my favorite ask your daddy for a job with some dental benefits because your girl is jacked up.

SPEAKER_01 54:35

That was ridiculous. That was so ridiculous.

SPEAKER_02 54:41

Right. Maybe his daddy's working hard. Maybe his daddy's working hard.

SPEAKER_01 54:46

Trying his best, trying his fucking best.

SPEAKER_02 54:48

But but but you know, back in line, it's still on some bullshit. Cause they're auditioning for the They're auditioning for the nativity scene now. Essentially, they want Kitty to get the part of Virgin Mary, but Kitty's being annoying about it, calling herself Mary Magdalene. Who is it true that she's like the biggest whore in the Bible? Because that's how pop culture makes her scene. But I mean she she was. I mean, yeah, she's a prosthetic. Well, there we have it, folks. But I guess Tina Marley and Unique want to make it so problematic that Kitty steps up to the plate. So they perform Mary's little boy child. Which is a fun little Christmas number, which I love it. But it was cute. And then they also follow that up with Love Child by the Supreme, doing a little Dream Girl's tease. Pretty much trying to be as offensive as possible to get Kitty to be like, okay, fine, I'll be the Virgin Mary bitch. Yeah. Which worked, which worked.

SPEAKER_01 55:48

Right. One thing Kitty's Kitty's entire like every time they pan to her facial reactions during Love Child, I fucking screamed. Because the faces she was making during. And I love the other thing. Because Mr. Shu and Beast, they're just like living. They're getting their lives. This performance.

SPEAKER_02 56:13

Like, well, I'm getting my life.

SPEAKER_01 56:15

Unique is performing. Unique gets on the table and delivers Baby Jesus, who's a little black baby Jesus. They start throwing that baby around stage. Kitty is appalled. She's appalled. She's like, oh hell.

SPEAKER_03 56:31

And it works, they have been on dress.

SPEAKER_01 56:33

Not mentioned, but I was gagged. Uh Ms. Becky, Miss Becky Jackson walking around trying to force people to make out with her with that missile tough. They weren't, she she, she like came up on, she rolled up on Sam and Tina like she was a damn predator. Right? Like, give me some lips, bitch. And I was like, whoa. Odd thing. She said some, she said, uh, she said uh Tina, she's she's like she's like, I'm gonna get that Asian tongue. And and can't and and Tina was like, You you can this is harassment, you can't do this. That thing Sue really did enable Becky to walk around doing whatever the fuck she wanted. Maybe that's why she brought a gun to school.

SPEAKER_02 57:17

I mean, I think that's exactly why. That's exactly why. But yeah, back in New York, then a fine ass Anna shows up as a replacement. He looks like a Sean Cody model, just abs and Caucasian and all. So Kurt's obviously being thirsty, the rest of them are intrigued. They bring them back to the apartment, and he got some high on helium, they got drunk on alcohol, like a bunch of I don't know, 16-year-olds from Manhattan Beach, California. And they called the chipmunk, so which is my least favorite Christmas number across all these specials. But you know what? I don't know if they were, you know, contractually obligated to do it. They wanted a little gag, but it was something. I think there was being I think there was being a mass. There's being a mess. And in that meantime, Kurt starts making out with the fine Santa Claus, and he ties that dumb bitch up and robs them. Them getting robbed. Yeah, the girls wake up and Kurt is gagged and bound on the bed. Tied up. And all their shit is gone. I think it's the biggest gag of it all. I think it's already ridiculous as we have an activity scene going on. They're getting robbed by Sean Cody Santa Claus. And then they end up being mannequins on Fifth Avenue.

SPEAKER_01 58:39

And just honest honestly, in general, the the New York City storylines seem like they were just crazy as heck. They were like, you know what? They were just doing shit. They were just doing shit. They were like, you know what, you're in New York City, you're getting robbed.

SPEAKER_02 58:54

That was dumb of them, letting this random nigga stay over.

SPEAKER_01 58:59

I would say, you know, it's it's entirely possible that some some dumb bitches from fucking Lima Ohio, wherever the fuck they're supposed to be from, went went to New York City and got themselves robbed doing stupid shit.

SPEAKER_02 59:11

Dumb hoe.

SPEAKER_01 59:12

Wait.

SPEAKER_02 59:12

Santana should have known better, but I guess, you know, alcohol and helium will do that.

SPEAKER_01 59:17

Where Rachel and Kurt's apartment, where is that supposed to be at in New York City again? Do we know? Bushwhack. That was in Bushwek. Okay. Okay. What I I know they were paying some high-ass rent.

SPEAKER_02 59:33

I mean, this was I mean, this was like in the midst of the gentrification. That neighborhood's definitely post-gentrification now, but I would say 2012 was probably much cheaper than what I'm paying now. Yeah. Actually, I think they were more like the industrial part. But I mean, the the that space that they had, that laugh and all that space, even then, that was a lot of money. But they were trying to make it look like they were paying very little, but oh that fashion.

SPEAKER_01 59:59

I think they had a big ass apartment.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:01

Like Kurt must have been selling put Bussy on the side to afford that.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:05

Cause they had long-ass community to Neada.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:09

They had long-ass commutes to the yada. We never saw them on the subway.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:13

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:18

That's true. I mean, sex in the city makes sense because them bitches walked in one ass neighborhood. Well, no, Carrie took it once. I remember that. She took it once to Brooklyn and was gagged. I remember it was only once because I was so gagged they finally did it. It was like season five or six.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:32

You're like, finally, there's bitches on the subway.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:35

I was waiting. Well, I know. I heard it was a little more dangerous then, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:40

Right. Well, obviously, we know that this is your number one episode, but do you just want to kind of remind the listeners of like what your final ranking is?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:50

Yeah, so I have number one, we got season five, episode eight, the season five special, the two spot we got the season four special. The three spot we have the original, the season two special. And rounding up the pack, I have the season three special.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:05

So I feel like our our our rankings are not too crazily different because, like, for me, my number one is the season two special, my number two is the season five special, my number three is the season four special, and my number four is the season three special.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:21

I th I I mean I feel like if we just move like the two up from three to one on mine, I could it's the same.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:28

So the essence is yeah, we we but I think we agreed that like season five was a step up from season four. We agreed that season three was the worst.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:37

Yes. Even though season three Loki has some of the strongest music, but overall I don't like the direction. Yeah. And I think you brought up a great point about like how it fits into the plot and how that moves along. And I do think season two did that the best.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:51

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:55

Well, I think I think overall, though, I will say that I did enjoy watching the Glee Christmas specials. You know, it was it was a fun little binge, it was a fun little time.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:05

Uh I know I had a good time. It was cute, and I hope you guys enjoyed it as a fun little holiday moment. You know, indulge in the cheer, whatever holiday you celebrate. If you don't celebrate anything, I don't know, order some dumplings, girl. But hope everyone can be gleeful, be merry, get some gifts, shake some ass, drink some eggnog.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:25

Eat some ass. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:26

Oh, maybe, maybe. Don't eat Santa Claus ass, because Miss Claws gonna beat your ass.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:32

Or you might get robbed depending on what Santa is.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:34

Oh, oh, you're right. Yeah, don't let any Santa's that they do gay porn that have an OnlyFans on the side into your apartment. I think that should just be a rule.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:45

I was saying they're they're probably doing illegal activities.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:49

And not just prostitution. But yeah, happy holidays, uh be fun. And next week we'll get into our 2026 predictions and you know, catch up on where we left with the 2025 ones.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:00

We love a prediction moment. We love a prediction moment.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:04

Right? And I'm gonna start early now. I'm predicting that Noah will get engaged in 2026.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:09

Oh Lord, here you go. Here you go. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:13

If y'all want to engage if y'all want to engage further with us, you can follow us on our socials.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:18

Good word.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:19

Uh we are we are at on a real note pod on all the socials except for the alt-right ones. So, well, I mean, we are on X, so that's kind of alt-right adjacent. But we're also on Instagram, Blue Sky, TikTok, uh, we're we're on we're on the threads, we're on YouTube, we're we're we're all over the place. So there's a lot of places you can kind of keep up with us. But um, well, thank y'all so much for listening to another episode of the Unreal Note Podcast. As always, if you have not yet rate five stars because we would really appreciate it. It helps us out a lot. Um, and thank y'all so much. Y'all have a wonderful Christmas, and we are going to see y'all for our predictions for the new year. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:58

Period. And Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:04

Whatever Yanna say for for men, women, trans, all all all the gender persuasions.