Parenting a child with ADHD - what no one prepares you for

Parenting a child with ADHD is WILD — it’s navigating big emotions, constant movement, endless questions, and a brain that never seems to switch off… for them or for you.

In this episode, we talk about the chaos, the guilt, the humour, and the moments that crack your heart wide open. The reality behind the labels, the things no one prepares you for, and why traditional parenting advice doesn’t always fit.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, out of your depth, or like you’re doing it all wrong — this one’s for you. We don't have answers, just solidarity. 

And if you don’t have an ADHD child? Listen anyway. Because understanding creates patience… and we could all use more of that.

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Video Edits: Tom from Podlike.Online https://www.instagram.com/podlike.online/

Studio: https://www.instagram.com/wisecaststudio/

Follow us for more chaos, questionable takes, and what our friendship really looks like away from the Mic! 

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Yia Sas! Hi everyone! Hello! How are you?

Speaker 0:06

I'm well, how are you?

Speaker 1 0:08

I'm good. Hi everybody. I'm Cass.

Speaker 0:10

Hi, I'm Lina. Welcome to Unhinged Greeks

Speaker 2 0:13

Yes, this is our fourth episode. Episode four. Uh special announcement. First and foremost, it is my little son's Phoenix's birthday today. Happy birthday, Nixie.

Speaker 0:23

Happy birthday, Phoenix, my little patata.

Speaker 2 0:25

He is turned seven. And happy belated birthday to you. Thank you. It was my parents' birthday on the 21st as well. So happy birthday to them. It's April is just a manic bloody month. It is. You've got Easter, you've got birthdays. Wedding anniversary, yeah.

Speaker 0:41

All of all of the things now. Yes, and happy 10-year wedding anniversary as well. 10 year, yes, happy belated 10 year old. Thank you. I mean, we could keep going forever. But yes, it's been we've been busy, guys. We've been busy.

Speaker 2 0:52

It never fucking ends.

Speaker 0:55

And anyway, so what are we here to talk about this week? Well, what I'd want to know what's sending you over the edge this week before we get into anything.

Speaker 2 1:04

Actually, this is probably a good segue to our topic of choice. But as much as it is Phoenix's birthday today, and I love that kid beyond words. Fuck me, I've wanted to throw him this week. Put him in the bin. Put him in the bin. No, like should throw him off the island, straight into whatever ocean, my backyard.

Speaker 1 1:26

What ocean is it, Cass? I have no idea. I've never got to pretend I know.

Speaker 2 1:31

But he has been complaining to me, Mummy, mummy, my undies. I need new undies, they're really small. And you know, he has sensory issues. And he's he's a tiny little kid, right? He's so tiny, even though he's seven, he could easily fit into like size four. So his undies are like four to six, right? And he's got various brands from Cotton On to Bonds to Kmart cheapies, whatever. And I was like, yeah, mate, for weeks. I'm like, yes, mate, I'll get you undies, I'll get you undies, I'll get you undies. So fuck me. The other day, I was like, before I pick them up from after school care, I'm gonna go to the shops and I'm gonna get these kid undies. So I went to three different stores. I went to Cotton On, went to Target, went to Best and Less. So I got him three different brands of undies. And it wasn't even part of his birthday present. It was just open, it was just like this kid. It was normal life. We all need knickers. Um, and also I bought Xander a pair because you know while some there's getting some undies. And I got Phoenix some socks because he complains about his school socks. I get home that night, told him he's like really excited, he's seeing him, he's like, Oh my god, they're really cool, mum. Thanks. Put them in the wash because he wanted to wear them like a year ago. So I've washed them that night, I've put them in the dryer so they can be prepared for prepared for the next day at school. Next day at school, we're getting ready. Puts on one pair, they are fucking shit, mum. Tight, and he's there like wiggling his little ass. And I'm there like just hurry, I bought your options, yeah. Try on, yeah. Try on another pair. Nah, don't like them, too big. And he's basically putting these up to no man's land up his ass crack. And I'm like, oh kid, you're gonna literally tear yourself. You're gonna do what you did to me. Circumcise yourself, even more so. And so, what's the third brand? Same thing. And myI I had his old undies, thank god, just sitting on his top shelf because that day I was gonna throw them in the bin. Thank fuck I did not. And I was like, listen, we gotta get to school. You need to wear undies, you can't free ball it at school. Just pick a fucking pair of old undies, the ones that you don't like, just pick a pair. And he picked an old pair of undies, he wore the new socks, he liked the Bond socks, which were great. That's a win. But that was, I think, my frustration for the week. The fact that like I could not fucking win with this kid.

Speaker 3:47

Yeah, so that's and I think that's very typical. Um, and a good segue, as you said, into today's episode. But yes, very typical. You feel like you can't ever make them happy. What's I sent you over the edge? What has sent me over the edge? Nothing wild has happened this week, which is a good thing. Yeah, I'm just really tired. Like from the inside of my soul, I feel like I'm the walking dead. I think I've just bitten off a bit more than I can chew with working. So I've actually recently reduced my hours at work. I've always I since having the kids, I've always worked part-time, but part-time over five days to fit in with their appointments and extracurriculars. Um, I've now gone to four days to have a day free for life admin. Like I had piles of dry cleaning to be taken. I had piles of um alterations that needed to be done. They still haven't been done. They still haven't been done. And I've been working these part-time. There is no time between so my husband's self-employed. I need to do some paperwork compliant stuff for him. We've got another little side hustle happening as well, like a little online business. Um, that requires work. Podcast requires work. I feel like I'm in front of the laptop, my eyeballs are gonna fall out of their fucking eyes. Um, it all brings me joy. It's fine. I'm happy to do it, but it's a lot. And then you could have spend time with your kids, and you feel I think maybe I just feel a little bit I'm tired, genuinely tired, but I feel a bit guilty because I haven't spent as much time with them as what I normally would this week.

Speaker 2 5:29

Yeah. But that's that's life. That is life, and life throws you a lot of fucking lemons, and it's just what we do with it that week.

Speaker 5:36

Speaking of lemons, let's talk about parenting an ADHD child. Segue. I feel like fucking sometimes I've been given a lemon. The poor kids, I know. It's hard, isn't it? Like there is absolutely nothing that can prepare you. Parenting is hard. It's hard with a neurotypical child. Yep. Because you don't know what you're doing, and your first child, in our case, both of our firstborns are allegedly neurotypical. Yeah, I mean use that term loosely. Um, but it was hard, right? Because we didn't know how to be a parent and we're learning our child. Then these secondborns come along, and they have just thrown us into neurospicy world, and no one tells you how to deal with it, and everyone is completely different.

Speaker 2 6:30

So no one tells you how to parent, full stop, I think. Yeah, like to the you know, to the point when James and Xander were brought into this world, we had friends that are already parents and stuff, and they can give you all the advice and opinions, and there's Instagram and internet, but you they don't come with the manual, you do not come with the mum manual, and you just go with it, right? And you're still going with it. Yeah, it's every single milestone, it's new, it's always a first, it's always a first. But then, yes, you get thrown into this world of neurodiversity, and for fuck like it literally punches you so deep in your uppercuts you multiple times a day.

Speaker 7:06

Multiple times a day, whether it's a good day or a bad day. Yeah, it's yeah, it's it's the hardest thing ever. Yeah, and there's no one size fits all to parents because the children are so different and they can give you whiplash with you know how they are. Like you think, okay, where we've got a routine or for this, or we've got, you know, uh uh like favorite food that they eat. They finally like it. You cook it next week and they throw it across the room because they're like, I don't like this mummy. Fucking hate this shit, mum. Worst mum ever. So, in our case, both of our cases, it's our youngest. So, Tom and Phoenix. Talk to me about Phoenix, the early signs. What did you notice first?

Speaker 2 7:44

So, Mr. Birthday Boy, Mr. Nixie. Um, I just knew he was different from about the age of two, right? Same. I uh you know, and two, they're babies, right? And he fucking was the cutest baby. Oh my god, like he was my little patata. He just was this fat little He was so cute. And was he a good baby? He was good, and you know, he was also very into COVID, like, and you know, Xander was only two. I mean, you've obviously got the 14-month difference, I've got literally 24-month difference, so much of a much like very close, right? So Xander was still needing me. Um so you know, I would attend to Xander and I would literally just pop my tit out, feed Phoenix, change his bum, and then straight to lie down either on the mat, on the couch, or whatever it was, or to bed, and he was just independent, just looked after himself. He had no choice in the matter because I had to attend to a two-year-old. So he was a good baby, he ate food, he ate whatever. I then even did like baby lead weaning with him because it was very different. I was like, you know, you're gonna be more self-sufficient, let's try this method. And he was he was good, but then I guess part of me was starting to compare to what Xander was doing at that age.

Speaker 8:52

And you know, we know we shouldn't compare, right? But it's only natural when you've got two boys so close next to each other, they're brothers, you're gonna say, okay, well, A reached his milestones at this age and B is or isn't meeting them, and should I be worried? And I remember, I don't know if you remember this, but I remember a conversation we had when just after we had um Phoenix and Thomas, and we both said, we feel like we're waiting for the other ball to drop, like it's too good to be true. Too good to be true. Like we're too lucky, um, and we're waiting for something to happen.

Speaker 1 9:26

She came in like a fucking wrecking ball. Fuck.

Speaker 9:28

Here they are.

Speaker 2 9:30

Here we are. But yes, he was about two or two and a half, and I had a have a really great pediatrician which who also specialises in neurodiversity and things like that. So it's very fun and behavioural.

Speaker 9:45

So you took him to the PEAD.

Speaker 2 9:47

Took him to the PEAD at about two and a half. Yeah, he's already here. He he had this PEAD allocated to him from the time he was born, like just at the private hospital that I was at. Um, and it was like, oh my god, I'm so happy I have this pediatrician. It's like obviously the stars aligned for me. And you know, there were things I guess that the PEAD picked up on, but he's like, oh, nothing we can really do. And then we were doing regular appointments, and as Phoenix became, you know, like speaking and things like that, then we went through a psychologist because Phoenix was a very anxious kid. Like when my little happy, cute little slothy potato turned angry. Angry at the age of about close to three. I don't know how many that is months. Like math is not my strong point. We don't do in the months, but you're okay. So the months stop at 12 months, guys. He was so angry and would scream, and things that would be easy, like getting dressed and ready for the day and getting ready for daycare was not easy. It was really hard, and I've never known a child to be so angry. They had no reason to be angry. I'm literally still wiping your ass. I'm putting the food on your plate, like I'm bathing you. What do you have to be angry about? But like there was something within him. Yeah. And it wasn't even anger. Now I know today it was not anger. That's that's emotional dysregulation. Emotional dysregulation dysregulation. She did not know how to regulate you. Yes. So we tried then the psychologist, which was really hard at three years old because it was very much Carlos and I sitting with the psychologist, and Phoenix is not even drawing or playing or squawking, whatever. So we gave that up and then, you know, research, diet, gentle parenting. I'm not a gentle parent, I'm not an old school parent either, but like I can't do that whole fucking like yeah, put the pencil down and don't draw on the wall. No, mate, put that fucking pencil down and stop drawing on the wall. Like, I'm not gonna that's just not me. Yeah, um, but I learned ways, I guess, to get a little bit more on his level. So maybe there was a little part of gentle parenting put within that. It was just trying to, I guess. It's just doing your brain correct. Diet was a really big thing, so I tried to reduce sugar. I mean, was he a fussy eater? I I think by this stage, yes, he started becoming a little bit fussy. So when he would eat like all vegetables and stuff, he then was stopping and meat. He doesn't really like meat as well. So that was really hard. Like, what kid doesn't like fucking nuggets? Well, he doesn't like macca's. Thomas.

Speaker 12:07

My Thomas didn't eat meat for so long. He's just started eating chicken nuggets, and I like that is the shitty food. Yeah, that is the shittest food that you can give your kid. But you know what? I'm happy, I might have just all the nuggets you want in the world, mate. At least you're eating something.

Speaker 2 12:22

So, yeah, I guess then for me, like seeing the pediatrician every so often, and I guess the biggest pin joint moment to know, like, yeah, okay, there is definitely something different with my son. Um, and ADHD was already something I was exploring and researching on, whereas when he was in prep, so the year before he started Kindy, by this stage we're now living down the coast. I started down the path of getting him diagnosed, and even the pediatrician was very much like, I strongly believe he's ADHD. We've been seeing each other now for the last two and a bit years, you know, we can't medicate him. And Carl and I were sort of not against medication, but we just didn't know what it was. And he's such a spirited kid. Like, the one thing I think everybody tells you is that medication for ADHD really dulls that spirit, and that's the one thing I did not want him to do is I didn't want his spirit to be duled because he's a spectacular kid, he's fucking funny, he makes people laugh. He you you also got to hold him back as well because he thrives on that, and sometimes it's about the time and the place, but I really do want to. Um my psychologist has asked me if I'm ADHD. Do you think you are?

Speaker 13:24

Just side note.

Speaker 2 13:25

I don't know, actually. I I don't know. I don't know if I am.

Speaker 13:29

I think I'm just a bit like a. Is it true? Or I could just be making this up in my head, that it it is genetic and it comes from the mother.

Speaker 2 13:35

That that that's why my psychologist and even the pediatrician had suggested as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um You're a different ADHD, though. But that's the thing, yeah. Like I'm not that person that you're like more OCD, more like controlling. Yeah. Yeah, so maybe I'm a bit tism. Maybe. Maybe like I'm very routine driven. See, yeah.

Speaker 13:52

Which is also ADHD, though. That's the thing, there's so many cross. But my one medical used to line up. No, definitely not medical advice, guys. I think we need to put that disclaimer on in writing and like at the beginning of every episode. Thomas used to line up whatever he was playing with in colour and he would scale them. And he would do that for hours. So scale the red Lego, blue Lego, green Lego had to be in order, and you couldn't fuck his shit up. Like, I remember when he started daycare and he built Lego or it was arts and craft or something, and then at the end of the day, they have to pack it away. He fucking cracked it because it was packed away, and no one gave him the option to just put it up on a shelf for the next day. Uh, he cried himself to sleep that night because someone ruined his creation and he put his heart and soul into it. So they feel deep. Yeah, they really do feel like very empathetic. But yeah, my Thomas was quite similar. Emotional dysregulation from about two, lots of sensory issues. Uh, so we had to cut the tags off. Yes, was very uh fussy with the particular certain clothes that he would wear. He wore cotton pajamas every day. I sent him to daycare and preschool for three years in his pajamas. We put him at the beach in pajamas, I remember. And I was mortified, and I remember the educator saying to me, Lina, calm your farm. He's not going to be wearing pajamas at 21 when he's at work. Like he will. And I was like, Are you sure? Like, because you know, BT does though, she's 40. I mean, I have already diagnosed her, so what she does with that is completely up to her. But yeah, he's very impulsive, extremely impulsive and spontaneous. Sometimes he does things, so he lashes out. Now, Thomas wouldn't hurt a fly. He would not hurt anybody else, even though he has an extreme sense of justice, but he hurts his brother, his older brother. Um, so Tom won't let us cut his nails, and he uses his Wolverine nails as his weapon and he will lash out at James, but what he holds a grudge, right? So we're sitting at dinner having a nice meal. Next thing you know, Wolverines come out and he's like latching in and all hell's broken loose because of something that James did to him on Monday, and it's now Thursday, and he'll he also used to scratch himself. So if he didn't like what was happening um and he wasn't getting his way, he would hurt himself. So he was diagnosed very early because I took him, I think he wasn't even three yet, with ODD, oppositional defiance disorder, which sometimes overlaps. But we've had, and this is different to your diagnosis journey. So I, after getting feedback from preschool and his school, so I sort of left it until he started kindergarten, which was last year, got some feedback and they suggested to me to get him assessed. And I said, you know what? I'm not, he's also very fussy with who he talks to. Like I knew he wasn't going to talk to just a normal public system pediatrician. So I actually called around and it was like I was looking for a Tinder date for my son. But I was like, listen, I need a young female that can diagnose and treat him if if needed. So I finally found someone, paid privately, got the diagnosis back. It's a provisional diagnosis, it's not a definite diagnosis. So they can't medicate him off that diagnosis? I was I was gutted and I can understand why, but it's very frustrating. So she said with the tests that she did and her observations that she is confident that he has ADHD with the parent questionnaire that Paul and I completed, that also was strong ADHD. But the school who recommended it in the first place was contradictory. Was did not rate him high enough. So they need the score. This is the Wilms. The score, the Vanderbilt. The Vanderbilt, that's it, Vanderbilt, yeah. They needed the score from all three tests to be at a certain level. At a certain level. So now I've just even if I do want to medicate him, I've got to go through the process and spend the money again.

Speaker 2 18:14

Which is it's beyond for nightmare, it is very frustrating. But I think like for us, specific like the medication has been a godsend. Game changer. So kindergarten was probably the biggest draw card. So like we're fast-forwarding now a year after preschool. We the doctor thinks he's got it, but we can't do anything because he's so young, and Carl and I are still a bit against it. But what really sort of gave us that final, like, no, we need to actually get him medicated, he was really falling behind in school, falling behind socially, falling behind academically. And I mean, academics for me, I couldn't give two shits because that's what the teachers' jobs are. They get paid to teach them how to read. And they'll catch up eventually.

Speaker 18:54

So he started early, he started like he did.

Speaker 2 18:57

He started early. He did, he started early, like he was an April baby, but that's also partially because I just felt like he was street smart enough to start. Yeah. Um, and I was like, you know what, you'll do it, you've got your older brother. So that you know, whilst they're two years apart, they're actually a year apart in school. So from a maturity level, yes, he did start early. And then we got him the actual proper diagnosis in term four of kindergarten. When did you start? The school holidays, the spring school holidays, the September. We got Reddillin. Yep. I think it was like half a day that we were starting off. I can't actually can't remember so long ago now. Phoenix got four awards that term. I remember. You know, four school awards out of a whole year of being at school and just to get four makes me emotional just talking about. But yeah, like it ramped up, and then we, you know, we then were seeing the pediatrician every six months, and we had to up his diagnosis because he was getting bigger and stuff, so his spirit didn't die. He was still funny, he was still crazy Phoenix. But then you would notice when the mental wearing off. So that's when the doctor came in. Let's up it, let's up it, let's up it. So now he's essentially on two tablets a day. We're now what two years later, give or take, and he still has his moments at school. He's still behind, but now we're in tutoring. He sees an OT as well, just to help him with the other parts. So, like, you know, he's very, very anxious. He's a highly anxious child. Yeah, very anxious, like he won't even go to his bedroom by himself.

Speaker 20:17

Yeah, they tend to go hand in hand. My Thomas is. I sleep with Thomas.

Speaker 2 20:20

Yeah, yeah. So you sleep with Thomas, or I can't get Phoenix can't dress by himself. So you know, he can't do buttons and things like that. So he's also like very um like motor neurons and stuff like that. So that's what we're working on with the OT now. But yes, medication for us has worked. Game changer. Game changer.

Speaker 20:35

Talk to me about his because one of the common concerns that you hear with um taking ADHD medication is it stops the child from eating.

Speaker 2 20:45

Yeah, so we make sure we give him a really big breakfast. He's a very fussy eating anyway, so a fussy eater, I don't know what language that was just then. Um, he will have, you know, a chicken sandwich or something at lunch or a ham and cheese sandwich. He's very specific with only one musley bar he loves, and they're from Audi. So I make sure I go stock up at Audi, these bloody boxes are these chocolate music bars. Otherwise, I make chocolate muffins for him and his crunch and sip. So, and then he'll have an afternoon tablet as well. But then he'll have dinner with us. He takes an hour to eat. That's not because he's not hungry, that's just because he gets distracted. They go up and down, up and down, he'll go into a dance, yeah, maybe do a nudie run. Yeah. He'll whatever works, whatever, yeah. Like he would take literally an hour, an hour and a half sometimes to eat his dinner. Yeah. Because he and you see his little mind working. But then, yes, I think to the food, he will become ravenous at about 6 37. So after he shower, and once we're all back downstairs, or showered and bath, and the nighttime shit's done, he will go. Fruit cup, fruit, he will get up and go. Up and goes are like the best things ever for him, because at least I know like they're a bit filling. Yeah, I've tried to make him my own up and go, but not don't blend too. We picked mum with some chocolate because. It does it doesn't taste the same, but yes, and you know what? I'm all for like eat whatever like good yogurt. He loves yogurt, so he likes a specific brand of yogurt, so he eats all the good food, but yeah, he will catch up, and his weight is going up, so he's in about the 80th percentile for his height and his weight, so nothing of concern there. The pediatrician's happy, his speech is great, the OT is helping us with the other little things like with his communication. He talks really clearly. Um he's doing really well at school, he's now gone up a level in reading, he's gone like this year at like this school term, we're only in terms one, and he's come back with like nine little green slips already, which is really nice. And the teachers are on our side, so like you know, he gets, I guess, with the with his homework. We might not get to his homework every week because it just depends on the time of the day. Like, we lead very busy life. Carlos is away a lot, so I'm often like single parenting, part-time parenting, you know. So after school care, after school activities, sitting down to do the homework, I have a very small window where his brain is ready to function.

Speaker 22:57

Yeah, Thomas actually, this so this entire year, he just refuses to do it. He's like, No, mum, I do my learning at school, and when I'm at home, I just want to be a kid and play. And you know what? I can't argue with that. Like, I really cannot argue with that. Especially away from teachers for that. Yeah, and but he's so similar. I think that his teachers this year, I feel like they're really on his side. The teacher can make or break. I do feel that sometimes a common misconception of an ADHD child is that they're too hard, they're too hard. Well, that's it. So the teacher puts them in the too hard basket and just basically tries to ignore them as much as possible. Yeah. Yeah. And that is a hard part is you always have to advocate for your child, and I'm happy to do that. I will do that till the cows come home, but it's fucking exhausting. Because you're always on high alert, right?

Speaker 2 23:50

Well you're already exhausted anyway. Yeah. Because what would be a normal like, you know, you look at Xander or James getting ready for school, it's they wake up, they go make their breakfast, pull the cereal, they go to their teeth, brush their teeth, have a shower, get dressed, make their beds, they're downstairs, their socks are on, their shoes are ready to go, their lunch is packed in their lunch box, in their lunch bag, in their school bag, and they're ready to go. But while that's all happening, is then we're like getting Phoenix and Tom ready. And it is torturous. I would say 90% out of a five-day week. Getting for me, getting Phoenix ready. Like there is screams, there are tears from both of us. Both of you, yeah. Because and they say, keep calm, keep calm, but for fuck's sake, when it's having you're literally being abused from the time that they've opened up their little eyeballs at like 7, 7:30 in the morning, you're being screamed at whether it's the undie situation that I said that happened, or whether it's because they loved wheat peaks yesterday, and now all of a sudden they fucking hate it, and you've got to get them to eat something, or they do refuse to put their sock on the right way, and you're watching them, and because they they're not medicated, they've just woken up and he'll be there naked, and he'll have his socks in his hand, and he just can't figure it out. He just can't figure it out, and then he'll go and do another activity and he'll go and get his book, and he's like, Mummy, can I read quests? They're called side quests, so it's not easy, and it's literally, you know, I've had my neighbours comment in, like, yeah, be here, you cuss.

Speaker 25:13

Yeah, my neighbours have one of them came over once to ask if I was okay. And like it was a welfare check on me because I was just going off, and then I felt I'd like again shame, guilt, like just and I'm like, Because yeah, you you couldn't just I'm doing my best, like you're doing your best to do it. I'm not murdering them, even though I want to. We often reach out to each other. I mean, there's been media texts absolutely and calls. I mean, I can't start work, I would not be able to hold down a full-time nine to five job because Thomas has school refusal, but has since daycare. Yeah. I used to drop him off to daycare and he used to hold on to the side of the door with his feet up on the on the side of the door, like blocking to go in because he would just and so to like these days, he'll dress for school fine. He knows he's going to school. Yeah. It's we're like, we get to school, and I just don't know what I'm gonna get. He might not get out of the car, he might stop walking halfway to school. Like I'm a weekend at Bernie's like he just stops, and then like so. If I do kiss and drop, which the teachers were the ones last year that was. Well, no, they said to me, don't walk in with him, it's too upsetting. If he could wants to do kiss and drop, let him. And it was a novelty for him back then. So I was like, cool, no worries. Then I'm doing the U-turn around the roundabout to leave. I've you know, drop them off by boys, have a good day, and I'm watching them, little cuties walking. Poor James, like the elder brother, is like, what do I do? He's just stopped. Like, I can't drag him, I can't do he's just stopped. So he said, I've got to like go back around, park the car. I'm like him, but I'm not just because it's the reality that it's shit. And then I'm we'd make all these pinky promises and everything, and I'm like, no tears today, buddy, no mum, can you please walk me in? Yeah, sure, no worries. And we get in the door, and he just he runs away, he'll run away, or he'll start crying, or he'll just lock her into a playing position and just say, No, no, no. I get it, mate. You hate school, and you know in another life, I would homeschool him. That's that's where he I know he would feel happiest and safest, but selfishly, I don't have it in me. I'm I'm not a homeschooler, I'm not one of those, I'm just not. I couldn't do it. I mean, I couldn't be with my children for 24 hours a day. No, so you know, this I'm like, buddy, we've gotta go, you've got to go to school, and you've got to go for work, you've got to go to school. That's that's it's life. Suck it up. So look, I think having a diagnosis doesn't change anything, it just helps you understand and it's so it helps you understand your child and the best way to support them.

Speaker 2 27:56

Yeah, I think another hard part is like going to the judgment and then because you know, I think like let's talk. Well, you know, we're so Greek.

Speaker 28:03

I'm gonna put it out there. I'm going there. Go. What was the response from the Greek side of your family as opposed to the white side of your family?

Speaker 2 28:15

So there is nothing wrong with him.

Speaker 28:18

Mm-hmm. Of course not.

Speaker 2 28:19

There is nothing absolutely wrong with your son. You were like this as a child, Cass. This is normal. This is a healthy little boy that's just, you know, being a typical little five-year-old or a typical six-year-old, and you're not parenting him the right way, and you're not reprimanding him enough, and you're giving him a lot of sugar, and you're feeding them a lot of shit, and you're just spoiling them. So it's your fault. It's my fault, yeah. And I can't believe you're medicating them, and drugs are fucking bad, and doctors don't know shit. I'm telling you, mate, I've heard of fucking all. Like, it took me actually a long time to open up to my mother and tell her that he was diagnosed and was on medication because I was I knew that I was gonna cop the backhand, and then mum's like, I can't believe you didn't trust me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, yeah, like you know what, you gotta do what you gotta do, but I still don't agree with it. And I was like, you know what? Like, you see your grandson a few times a year. You don't know, you're not there every day, you're not living it, you don't see what Carl and I do, and you know what? This is my fucking family, and I'm gonna choose and raise my kid, my children, what is best for us. Of course. So that was the Greek opinion. The white side, my mother-in-law is the best. She's she's got three sons, and she has been there, she knows what it's like, and she's completely on us. She doesn't actually, you know what? She doesn't even get involved. She doesn't even give me an opinion. She just will sit there and like the two, she's actually she comes over quite a bit, and she has seen me like just cry at the kitchen sink because it's just been really bad. But she would just be like, It's okay, Cass. You're doing your best. Yep. Because it's fucking hard, Cass.

Speaker 29:53

And that's all she has to say to me. Yeah, I love that. She's there when you need her. Yeah, she'll give you support. Yeah. Whatever routines you have in place, she will keep them if the routine's cracking.

Speaker 2 30:03

You know what my mum does as well. Like my as much as my mum disagrees, she will still, I'll be like, Mum, these are his drugs. Yes, give it to him at these times. And mum will do that. Yeah, she doesn't agree, but she does in like she does follow the routine, which is helpful.

Speaker 30:17

Yes. Our generation of parents, it was very taboo to talk about any sort of problems. Well, doctors are just quacks, right? Like that's any crying. Yeah, any health problems. Boys shouldn't cry. Crying is emotional regulation. Like it's actually it's good for you to cry. There's nothing wrong with boys crying. But yeah, absolutely. But what breaks my heart for our kids, but for us, is the fact that you shouldn't have to advocate for your own child with their own family. Yeah. A mother's intuition's never wrong, right? So you're following your gut. And if our parents had taken the time, and I know that they were doing the best they could with what they had, right? But if they took the time to get down to our level as kids and understand us and realize that if you're being an annoying child, that's your brain's way of offloading stress. And if you're talking back, it's because they feel shame and rejection. And that's what our babies are are feeling from them subconsciously. Yeah. They might not be saying anything, but our boys feel that judgment from our family, they feel that judgment from their teachers, they feel that judgment from they're very highly intuitive. So they'll walk into a room and feel that, and it breaks my heart. So we've just got to keep doing what we're doing and advocate for them. Make sure we're filling our own cups. Help each other for that. Yes.

Speaker 2 31:57

That's like we are really, and you know what? You know who is on your side. You know the fucking mums out there that judge, and mate, there are some mothers out there that judge and look at you up and down, and I just want to fucking throw punch them. Actually, no, throat punch is a nice way, it's a love language. I just want to straight out uppercut them. But yes, run the run them over. Run them over. Roundabout. Whoops! Speed bumps. But yes, I think we're doing an amazing job. It's hard, you know. Don't judge, just be there for that person. Yep. You know, I've got also a lot of mums that will hug me at school if they know I'm having a bad morning and they'll see it. So, well, if there's uh idiots out there, there is a lot of people. You'll find your people. You'll find your people that just yeah, that's amazing. Do you have any questions for me this time? I do.

Speaker 32:44

I've got an unhinged question for you. You come across an old lady and a baby drowning in a pool. Who do you save and why?

Speaker 1 32:57

Well, the baby. Why? Because the baby's got life to live. The old lady can die. She's done her time. She's done her time. She's good. Yeah, she's done her time. The baby, the baby's on to make it. The baby's there to understand what ADHD of the future is. That old lady was the one that whose children are suffering today.

Speaker 33:18

She was the judgy. She was judging the judge back in the day. So she can go. She's going down.

Speaker 1 33:23

That was actually pretty easy. I was like a baby straight up.

Speaker 33:26

Yeah, I was also baby as well when I thought about it. A baby? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like I mean, for a mum, it's a no-brainer.

Speaker 1 33:31

How old is the lady though?

Speaker 33:33

I mean, let's say 62.

Speaker 1 33:35

I mean, that's not old. No. Yeah, fuck, she can die though.

Speaker 33:39

Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 33:42

Value. Put value over body. That's right. All right. What lie do you tell yourself that you start believing?

Speaker 33:53

I am capable. I can do this. I don't need sleep. Sleep is just a time is just a mindset. I got this.

Speaker 1 34:06

Basic. Basic life. Basic life skills that you don't really have and you're just faking it.

Speaker 34:14

I've I've been winging my whole life. Winging it my whole life, faking it until I'm making it. So yeah, just keep telling myself, yeah, you got this. Easy, you can do that. This is the best. It may or may not come to fruition, but sure.

Speaker 1 34:28

We'll go with it. We'll try. Well, thank you. Thanks for business.

Speaker 2 34:32

Thanks, Cass. It was another fabulous episode. Don't forget to like and subscribe, everybody. Please, the you know, highest ratings help us get more followers and more listeners. And stay in your earlobes for a little bit longer, please. Correct. So follow the socials and uh we'll speak to you all next week. Thanks. Ciao for now.