Unhinged Reddit Advice

What would you do if you caught your wife cheating? Or if the "perfect on paper" guy gave you the ick? 
This week, we answer Reddit​ questions like we are qualified therapists. Strap yourselves in for our unhinged advice. 

#unhingedgreekspodcast #unhingedadvice #reddit #newepisode #funny

Follow us for more chaos, questionable takes, and what our friendship really looks like away from the Mic! 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello? Hi! How are you? I'm okay. How are you? Oh look, to be honest, I'm very puzzled. We're frazzled, aren't we? We're frazzled little Nellies at the moment. I don't know, I just feel like we said that we would start doing this at 10am and it's 2 pm. Yes. If it happens though, we haven't not done anything. We haven't even done anything go to plan all the time. And that's okay. It is, it is. But anyways, I mean for those that have just started listening, I'm welcome. I'm Lena, and you are on Uninched Green. Hello, welcome any new listeners, our devoted listeners. The OGs. The OGs, you know, and obviously the OGs, please like and subscribe. Subscribe, subscribe. Yeah, we've just finished a meeting with our um editor/slash producer because we're so profess. We can't say that. And we're looking at the numbers, it's just a little bit of FYI, I guess, for you guys of what goes on behind the scenes. So we don't just roll out of bed and do this. No, I mean I wish we could, but no. Um, so we would love it if everybody could follow along because we are getting really good feedback and you know would like to be able to keep yeah to keep going. Yes. Do you have anything that's sending you over the edge this week? I feel like my children, look, I'm not even going to go into it. We had a morning this morning, guys. It was it was wild, and when Cass turned up this morning to record it was breakdowns. I yeah, there would I was a mess, and it took every time I tried to apply a bit of makeup, it would just come off. I had to ice roll on my face because it was so puffy from crying. So thank you. She folded my clothes while I was trying to get myself composed. Put your sun and clothes out on the line. Thank you. Love you. Love you too. And that's just a testament to our best friendship. You know, it's I come into this house like it's my own, and you're welcome. I do as my if you behave like you did today, you're welcome to die. That's my reward. You know what? Nothing's really sent me over the edge this week. She's looking at me like you're such a fucking liar. Can we tell the people the story about the parcels? Alright, let's let you in on what day in the life of Day in the Life of Cass. So Monday I woke up. Just another manic Monday. Monday it was. I woke up feeling quite shit. Once again, I'm due for my period. Um, which this explains that they did come. Anyways, the Monday morning I woke up and I was just exhausted, right? It was a big weekend. We had a late night on Sunday, celebrating lovely Lena's birthday, and then work, I just had to be on. I hadn't gone to the gym, all of that. Anyways, Carl was going to Perth for work, so he goes away a lot every week. And I just think this week I just didn't want him to go away. I just really needed him, not for any reason, but I just think I knew I couldn't do life this week without him. And when I say life, that is looking after the children and the house, the house and all of that fun stuff, anyways. So Monday I'm working, it's still school holidays. I'm waiting for him to go to the airport, and I had two packages that arrived, and I see these two packages on the front porch. I'm just like, that's fine, I'll take, I'll bring them in later, I'll bring them in later, I'll bring them in later. That afternoon I had to run to the shops, I had an appointment, I had to take the kids with me, and it was we left the house at quarter to four. I was gonna be gone for 45 minutes if that. And I was like, oh fuck, the packages, I didn't take them out. Get home. So Xander, can you bring the packages in? And he was there looking at me like mummy, there's no packages. I was like, What do you mean there's no packages? What are you talking about? Your eyes painted on? Yeah, legit. I was like, what do you mean? Like I see boxes, boxes, right? On my front doorstep, because it's I I saw them there. I guess they're not here. I was like, oh my god, I can't go. I'm like, where are these packages? Then I'm frantic. Like the packages are not there, and I'm like, are they behind the olive tree? No, did I did I imagine this? And I'm on the Australian Post app, and there's a fucking photo of these two packages that the postie has taken, clearly in front of my front door. So I've been you see me, and I've got to Google home, right? And I'm like, oh there's a camera, but I also had phone storage issues this day, so that was part of my also adding to my stress. I couldn't get my phone to do this podcast, it was just this whole thing, anyways. So you I get onto the front porch and I'm like, okay, I'll go to the neighbor across the road. He's a sparky, he'll have cameras. It's like you know, 5 30 pm and i6 p.m. Do you have any video cameras? I could do, but it doesn't work. I was like, why do they never work? I don't know. So I'm like getting someone stolen my packages. He's like, oh no, and I was like, I know, I've been here for three and a half years. This has never happened. Like I have trust type packages, and I get a lot of packages because I'm a you know I love online shopping, it's my dopamine here. And this was like a few hundred dollars worth of packages. It was like my friend's son's birthday present, and it was like some mecca stuff. Then I've been he's like, try next door. He's like, next door have cameras. So I was like, okay, I'll go next door, talking to my next door neighbour. Your cameras go into my front yard. He's like, no. He's like, you can't see into your yard at all. It's like, oh man, I was like, I think someone stole my packages. I reckon it's the new neighbours that have moved into the house next to us. I'm like, I reckon they're junkies, and they're scared making it the neighbor's like, no, because it would have been junkies that just would have seen them like on their little bikes during the day, walking past your house and going, What do you reckon? I'm like, it's never happened. It's like, no, 100%, it's other junkies. I was like, I don't know, I reckon it's the next door neighbours. I'm like now blaming. You see, I'm just a couple of full story. Mind you, I'm messaging Carl because he's up in the airplane going to Perth. Whereas a uh what did I say? I was like, someone stole the packages, blah blah blah. I don't know what's going on, and the messages went going through for whatever reason. Quantas didn't want to have their Wi-Fi on at that specific time moment. Anyways, I've now gone in the house and I'm on this Google home trying to re to look at videos, and all you see is the video of me going outside. Like, where do I go? Couldn't go beyond that. So I was like, this is fucking cooked. She literally broke down. I was messaging Lena separately. You know what I'm talking about? And I'm like, someone stole my packages, you're like, what do you mean? Trying to explain to her. Then I just start when I say inconsolably crying, I mean I was shuddering, guys, hysteria. Like absolute, like someone had passed away. But valid, right? You know where you're just fucking over it, you're over your date, nothing's going right, the kids have been C-U-N-T-S. Yeah. It was just, and then the fucking icing on the cake is that your 400 bucks worth of fucking parcels have been stolen from the front door that you walked past multiple times and should have fucking picked up, but you were too busy and frazzled, right? So we are like, I am empathizing with you so much. Paul was seeing you cry. So even he, like when we're all on a uh like a big chat with the four of us, and they're like, Happy birthday, Lena, because it was my birthday, and this one just jumps on and bawles her eyes out. I'm like, it's not about you, it's about me. But she's a hot mess, and we're all like, Oh, poor cast, she's miserable. Can we also just say during this? I'm sorry, this is going on for way too long, but it's such a funny story. I've got Xander going, Oh my god, Mummy, are you okay? And he's trying to hug me, and then Phoenix is like, I didn't know adults can cry. And Xander's like, of course they can, Phoenix, they're human. So they're like having this biff behind me about me crying. I've got my three best friends on this WhatsApp chat group going, oh my god, guys. Fast forward half an hour later, I've come up on the girls, I'm getting dinner, sort of. My husband decides to text me and he's like, Plus, he goes, I put them under the staircase. I swear to God, if it was in front of me, I would have kicked him to Perth. He failed to tell me, and he's like, Oh no, I just put him under the stairs, he goes, 'cause I can see something was from like a toy place, and I figured it might have been for the kids, and then might have. You could have told me this, but no, we don't communicate effectively with Carlos and I. So, I mean, yeah, look. What sent me over the edge this week? I f I chose I've got such trauma. I've tried to walk it out. Whereas I relive it, I've been reliving it all week because it brings me joy. So we have like this horrific phone call where we're all, you know, invested and concerned, and then she finds the packages under the stairs, and then just screenshots, so much message, circles, and that's it. And then the voice notes started because like you couldn't make this up. I was just like, This is the best. It's brought me so much joy. Like that you have the packages that have been returned. The junkies did not take the packages. The neighbor is not a thief. World order has been restored. Oh my suburb mothers. I make up the best stories in my suburb, but oh yes, you know, it just adds to oh my god. Alright, so while she's choking to death, uh, let's talk about what we're gonna talk about today. Oh look, it's just gonna be unhinged. Yeah, it's just we're just gonna have an unhinged chat or interpretation of some questions or scenarios that we have found on Reddit. We went on a Reddit vortex. Yeah, like I anyone that knows, I am I am a whore for Reddit. Like, I fucking love Reddit. I go down Reddit rabbit holes often. Yeah, this whole episode is definitely unhinged. I first even incorporated my unhinged question within this episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not necessarily unhinged, but I thought it was quite relevant as well. Um, so I think yeah, you've personally looked at a couple of reddit ones that really gravitated towards you. I was looking for a really, really unhinged and nothing, but I've been really flat this week, also my luteal phase, and nothing has brought me joy, like nothing has been good enough, like no amount of dopamine has been enough. So there's just a couple of scenarios that I've that I've just taken and I thought would be really interesting to unpack with you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, go for it. Alright, so I'll start off with one. I didn't, I'm not gonna read it out because it's way too long. And it's summarise it. You what's the the Reddit summary? Do you know what the Reddit summary is? Right? Or the T L T R T L D R It's an abbreviation. Well, what is TLDR standard? So what it stands for is too long didn't read, or too long to read. So when people write an essay, you just look for the fucking TLTR paragraph and that tells you all you need to know. You don't need to listen to the waffle of the whole life story. Just what's the question? I love a waffle though, so I'm like, I just want it TLTR people now. So when someone's talking and I just want the end version, just get to the point. TLTR please. That's me, you're gonna say that to me all the time. I know I like your stories, but you're the only one.

unknown 11:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Um, okay, so the TLTR version of this was so this chic, she was like young, in her late 20s, really hard to find a decent person, found a decent person, gets along with them really well. Um, you know, they've gone out um and like on dates, spent time together, and she's like, I really like him. He's got all the qualities I'm looking for, he's smart, he's funny, he's got a good job, like you know, he's really kind and all of these things. But I don't think I'm attracted to him because he's a bit fat, and so her question was should I stay in this situation ship, in this dating this person, and hope that my feelings will grow over time, or should I, because I don't want to jump his bones, should I just call it now and save us all heartbreak? This story sounds very familiar, but I didn't this is actually on Reddit, like I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, uh fuck it, leave. Leave. Absolutely. Yeah, feelings do not grow, in my opinion. I think we automatically see the opposite sex or the same sex, whatever it is that you're attracted to. Attraction is what draws you to that person, whether it's I mean what? Like then you do that. Is that sexual abstraction and sexual? I want to put it inside of me. Yes. Or if you put it in you, whatever. Any horse, any horse cigar. Not the special occasion. No, I a hundred percent, if there is no spark from the get-go, like and she specifically said he's fat, I don't want to jump his bones, leave. It's not gonna grow. Yeah, right. Hear me out though. I get that, I get it, and I'm like, I'm so torn because like I used to be skinny, then I was fat, then I was never being away. And he just started, I don't know. But like, what if somebody does lose weight? What if they just need something to, you know, to lose weight for and be healthy for? And then they do end up getting hot and she's missed out on this opportunity to have everything she wants in one package because she was shallow. No, no, it's not gonna happen. If he's not trying, if if he hasn't tried before, then he's not gonna try now. I'm not saying that I would, I just if it was meaning I think the moral of this is that should she stay or should she go? Should should she continue to hope that the spark is gonna go fireworks? I just I don't think it will. Yeah, yeah, because she's already got this image, it's the shallow how. Yeah. The opposite. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, reverse shallow how. What was okay? So you're like on the fence, I'm like flat out no. What was the consensus of the responses? Uh it was all different. Um, yeah, all different things. Was there a subject? Was there a T or D after for the comments? For the advanced data was not, but the the majority was leaf. Um if there is no attraction now, um, there likely won't be attraction down the track. Yeah, I think attraction grows as relationships grow in the sense that you're building that relationship and you end up falling in love with their personality, but that's even more it's the different things that you fall in love with and what grows that relationship. But and nobody can deny this. The the first thing you see on the opposite of the person that you meet is their looks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know what their brain is, you know how fucking funny they are. I mean, they could be really hot and they open their mouth and they'd be really doping. Correct, and that could be another thing. I mean, once again, like if you're just looking for a shag, then it's just yeah, correct. Zip, correct. And this can't be a prawn situation, you can't remove the head and have the body because the body, the fat thing, yeah, yeah. But it could apply to so many other things that people can't see past, like if it's an ick for them. Ick is so hard to remove. I can't understand it. So what iks have you ever had? Look, but we all know that once a month the ick is my husband eating. No, in general, if you were talking about your dating era previously I've tried a paw or in between your breakups with Paul. I don't know if I've got like a particular I you just know when it happens. Yeah, I can't remember any particular icks that I had.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah, uh fingernails. I've dated so many guys, like I've always dated, it's just been my thing, fingernails. If they have long fingernails, even if today's world, not that I've because I'm looking to date, obviously I'm happily married. But if I see a male with yuppie with long, just long fingernails, not long, like my dad used to have a long, long um pick up, yeah. Yeah, long fingernails for me. I'm like, yeah, that's for women only. Yeah, it just that and it's also they have to be manicured. I mean, I would rather see a man that has like stubbed nails, like next to no nail bed, than a man that's got long that's got scratchy nails. Are there many men out there in the world with long fingernails? I don't know, I've never really paid attention, but I guess it's I mean, in my dating time I remember there's some certain examples of men that I've only dated once. Actually, ick, ick, ick I'll just come to me then. Like the but then this is also me not being into walk guys, but the so much hair product in their hair. Yeah, like grease, like it's you're spending more time and money on your hair than me. No, yeah, although you know what else? A man that removes all of his body hair. That's an ick for me. You can't be sp less hairier than me. Yeah, okay. I just I think a man needs hair. I love a man that's got arm hair, a bit of chest hair. How hair are we talking about? Not hair, no, not Greek, no, no, not Greek hairy, not like that's plait or even you can see it. But I just a man that gets rid of his chest hair or their leg hairs or arm hairs. Sometimes do it for sport. I mean that's an exception to the rule, but I'm not dating bloody what's the runner's name? I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, I I think you'd be naturally hairless anyway. The same bowls. Yeah, they're not very empty about empty frog. I don't know. I just think of either okay. Let's move on. Okay. Reddit for you. Reddit, okay. I saw this one and straight away I was like, oh, I don't know how to what to make of this. So the title of this one was I can't stop fantasizing about my wife's affairs, huge dick. I was like, so the wife cheated. Correct. And the person she the guy she cheated on with has a huge penis. Dick's penis. How does the guy who wrote this or the girl who wrote this know that the other person had a big penis? That was my soul that I have to read this. I didn't do the TLTR or something. I went, I needed to read it all. Yes. So, you know, but in summary format, you have a man and a wife. She goes and has an affair with somebody, and it goes on for quite some time. He then finds out about the affair, and with his insecurities, he's like, Does he have a bigger dick? Oh, and she said, And she's gone, yes. And he's then asked in length or girth, and she said, both. But she's like, put it this way, she this was quite funny. She said to her husband, oh, but just so you know, there are certain things that people with a bigger dick can't do to me, but you can do it all. Like, I'm in for this, and this post has like 486 comments. Well, that's the whole thing, right? I mean, this post I think was a couple of years old. But you know, the whole purpose was that he was obviously trying to, you know, work through this affair and go through it with his wife to try to repair, like rebuild that trust. But he couldn't. So when I read that, I was like, is this guy gay? Is he fantasizing about his wife? Well, not even necessarily gay, like yeah, maybe, I don't know. Does he that's what I that's where my mind went. I'm like dirty little like does he want to like wank over his wife having sex with somebody else, but like it's the dick that's gonna cause him to go at the end. Thuck old, kind of, but no, it was like he we had this insecurity that you know, should his relationship have worked moving forward with his wife, he was not gonna be able to have sex with her because he knew that she's had somebody bigger and that was playing on his insecurities. Right. Yeah, I just I don't know, I it really baffled me, and I think obviously once again the consensus was like fuck off out of there the fact that your wife's even cheated. Like that's just a no-fight. Like, what are you gonna do? Sit there and ask her for points on well, what can I do? Like to please you with my sex life, you know. What is their sex like movie for like how do you move on from that? You don't. You don't. I if it if anyone cheated on me, uh done. Like there's just no, there's no second chance, there's no working through it, no couples therapy, no anything. Really? Well what okay. Do you define the cheating as like the physicality? Because cheating has so many definitions. Is it like an emotional thing that you have with somebody? Is it uh is it like a a a text exchange? I feel now that I'm married, that's such a big commitment to the both of us. If there was any form of cheating, like if there was emotional cheating, like why am I not good enough? Like you've you we can talk about it, but there's like not backwards and coming forwards, so there's ample opportunity, you have a mouth, use it. No, it doesn't apply. Not when you've as a married for 10 years with two kids. If you are choosing to look elsewhere for emotional or physical connection, and you don't want to bring it up with me, fucking see you later. I'm like sorry, done. But what if it like exactly like without before kids before marriage? Like I'm I don't know, there's it's different. You've got way more to lose now. But do I fight for it? Will I fight for it? No. Yeah, okay. I just it's interesting people's perceptions, and I actually listened to this podcast called The Affair. Um, and it's this psychologist, it's UK-based, and she'll always interview somebody, and it depends on what their position was within the affair triangle, because you've got the person that's having the affair, the person that was cheated on, and the person that was cheated with. Um it's always just interesting to hear people's stories, whether they were the ones that cheated on the other. Oh, so the three of them are on the other. No, there's always the one person, but it depends on what per who that person was, where they played within the triangle or what an affair was. And it's just interesting listening to their stories that they might be the person that had the affair. Yeah. But it's like, why did they have an affair? I remember she interviewed somebody that whose husband was actually on his deathbed, and she was there until the very end, but it was getting to the point where she just needed that release and ended up having an affair, but she ended up telling him, and he was like, That's okay. He goes, because I'm dying anyway. Yeah. I mean, different scenarios. But I feel like if you feel like for any reason, even husband on the deathbed, that you want to go and fuck someone else. I mean, you've got issues. Get out of that relationship first. Like, there's no need to bring everyone down with you just because you want to get your rocks off, right? Get out of that relationship. I don't know. See, I feel like have a chat about it. Open your fucking relationship if that's on the cards. But that there's just don't cheat because when you lose trust in someone or someone loses trust in you, I don't even think you can ever ever get it back. Yeah, I g I I don't know. I think for me, if Carl was just that cheat on me, I'll be like a hundred percent it is over. But then oh, I don't know. I just think it's if it's it depends on the circumstances that I'd actually would want to hear him out before I chopped off his penis. Yeah, I mean I'd want to have a I'd want to know why, and if it was as simple as if he turns around and says to me, class, you haven't been giving it to me for six months, which by the way is not true. Oh, excuse me, like just your sex life is if we're fine, we're healthy. You're absolutely you're more than healthy, and Carlos should have nothing to complain about. But you would know it was funny if you haven't put out in six months, right? Like that. And I'm not saying you deserve it or you expect like you know, you should expect it, or it's the normal thing to do, but you know you've got problems in your marriage if you are not having sex for six months. Yeah. Um there's a whole other problem. There's so many opportunities as an adult to say, hey, I'm not happy, I need X, Y, and Z. Yeah. Um, and if you're in a relationship where you can't be honest and upfront like that, well then that's a whole other fucking problem. But try and do something about it before it gets to that point because you've ruined the trust factor for someone forever, and at our age, like you know that shit enough time to go into a different relationship and then have to go through all the trust issues and all of that to rebuild it all over again. Oh no, I just snap. Alright, what's your question for me this week then? So it's not okay. So, really, okay, give me the TLDR version of your answer to this question. Okay. How do I phrase asking my husband about an unknown piece of jewelry? My husband and I are both shift workers, he's currently on night shift, and I'm at home with our daughter following a day shift. When I got home and was doing bath time with my daughter, I spotted a necklace loose on the floor of our bathroom, which isn't mine. What would you do? I'd get the necklace and I'd be like, Carlos, what is this? So simple, isn't it? Yes. Do you remember the time that I found your undies? I found your undies after Bali. We got our laundry cleaned, uh laundry done, and Casa's black undies must have got mixed up with my black undies because we shared a room. And so I've come home, I've unpacked, I've thought, I've just chucked all the black undies in my drawer, and then I went to get and I was like Weeks later, my weeks later. What the fuck are these? My heart, when I tell you my heart stopped. And luckily it cleaned to contact you because I was like, You're fucking small. We should put the text message screenshot on our socials to show people. I just honestly, it was like I was about to go off. I was about to go call the divorce lawyer, and I'm like, surely it couldn't be that fucking dumb to bring to bring to the house or to keep it, but they were clean. You know what threw what what made me twig? The Balenese laundry smell, because it's so like it was still there weeks later. So I missed their dungeons, and I was like, I wonder if they're passes. And I was like, are these yours? Is this my more needles? And then I was like, the way I almost divorced my husband. So you would not basically take the necklace to your husband. I would wear it. You would wear it. It's a good one. I mean, also very passive. Yeah. Some is not mine. I would wear it and just see what happens. But that's just me. I'm just saying. Oh, I thought this has been a fun episode. I didn't think we didn't even get to the other reddits, but we're okay. What have we a good time? Good chat. Thanks, everybody. Subscribe.