The Harshness of God: Lament and Hope

International Students Incorporated ministry leader, Carrie Louer, continues our lenten series looking at the pain and hope of lament. 

Transcript

Welcome And Framing The Series

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Thank you, McKenna. For those of you I haven't had the honor of meeting, my name is Carrie Lauer, and I uh Bob and I have been coming to Ecclesia since 2021. Wow now, and we have the honor of working with international graduate students in the Princeton area. I want to say happy March. For those of you, we're talking about Lament. I love the first of the month. Like it feels like a fresh start. I'm gonna eat right and exercise and get my rhythms in place and all that. But um today we're talking about a lament, which is a complaint, a pouring out of your heart. And I'm sure many of you have been pouring out your heart, like, God, how long is this winter going to last? How long? And so I'm here to tell you that we are officially in the month where spring happens. But apparently Courtney and Ian couldn't wait that long because I saw a picture of Courtney in some beautiful sunny place. So I'm glad for them. But he invited me to um give the word this morning, and I'm honored to be here with you. If you were here last week, you heard Ian say that um during the season of Lent that he's going to do a series on some of the more confounding things that Jesus said: confusing, hard, or just plain strange. And those create those kinds of things create angst in us, right? And they they we have questions about that. And those might just be academic intellectual questions. They also might be questions such that they really mess with our relationship with God. And we start asking things like, can I trust him? Is he good? Can I trust the Bible? And so this morning we're actually going to talk about what do I do with those intense emotions of questions or complaint or confusion? And even more so and more deeply, what do I do with suffering, with unmet expectations and desires? Injustice, the anger that comes with injustice. Um, really, what do we do when we are living in this world in a relationship with a personal, infinite, sovereign, loving God in the midst of my brokenness and the brokenness of the world around me? You ready? Sounds great, doesn't it? Um headlines alone can send us into the flurry of questions and emotions, often feeling deeply and also with a deep sense of helplessness. And because Bob and I get to work with international students, the global headlines often come to life when there are people we love being deeply impacted in deeply personal ways. I'm sure you're aware that yesterday morning, the United States and Israel bombed Iran. Since 1978, the beautiful people of Iran have been under a repressive, murderous regime. Yesterday there was dancing in the streets in Tehran at the news that their supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Hamoini, has been killed. It's been a long journey of suffering for the Iranian people. In September of 2022, Masa Amini was killed at the hands of police brutality, allegedly for not wearing her hijab. It incited widespread protests. My friend Miriam came to my house and wept convulsively as I held her on my couch. As a woman from Iran, she was grieved, scared, and angry. Her friends were on the street protesting. The stakes were so high. And more recently, starting in December, the protests in Iran, according to our Iranian friend Pem, 36,500 Iranian citizens were killed, 50,000 arrested, 300,000 injured. But Pem is especially deeply grieving because three of those 36,500 were close friends of his. Can you imagine having three of your friends losing them within before you're 30? My Iranian friends were flooded with fear for their loved ones, grief of what has been lost, and now they have a cautious hope of a new and just government that may be established. Someone online said, Oh, my heart is now burning from happiness. All those blood they have shed, all those young souls they have taken. We will never forget the massacre and we will never forget the helper received to overflow this to overthrow this regime. You see, the human heart has great, great capacity made by God for deep grief and an endurance of hope. The rallies in Iran are true and an important example of this. And then I in no way want to diminish what is happening there when I say we also have a war that goes on in our hearts, and our well-being demands that we lean into both our experiences of grief and joy, of suffering and of hope. The good news this morning is that God has given us a way to do that. He's given us biblical models of the rhythm of suffering and hope and grief and joy in our lives, and it's called lament. Lament is a biblical context. In a biblical context, describes the intentional expression of grief, sorrow, or distress before God. It is found throughout scripture in poetic, prophetic, and narrative forms. The biblical concept of lament involves not only the honest voicing of pain, but also a turning toward God with trust, even in the midst of suffering. It's about authenticity in a relationship. Lament is not a faith in crisis, but a faith engaging God in raw honesty and vulnerability. It's not a shaking of our fists as we are holding God in a court of judgment. No. It's a relational pouring out our hearts in the presence of God. And in this broken world and in our own broken realities, we experience a lot of emotion. If we're healthy, we experience a lot of emotion. And it is important to know that emotions are neutral. They are a gift given to us by God to reveal to us our desires, our longings, our wounds that He wants to heal, anger in the midst of injustice. And his design for us is that we'd feel them, that we'd be honest about them, that we'd release them, that we'd have greater authenticity and greater intimacy with God and one another. Now you may be a person who is a deep melancholy who feels absolutely everything, right? And every time you see the news, you're like, oh, what are we gonna do in this world? That's good. God's made you that way. I am not like that. I grew up in a world where you should be thankful. Like, why are you sad? Why are you angry? You have so much to be thankful for, kind of get over it, right? So I suppress my emotions and numb my heart and really had a view that emotions were not neutral. There were good, bad, good and bad emotions. Either way, if they are not processed in a healthy way, they will come out in destructive ways. It's kind of like a beach ball. If you're in the ocean and you're trying to put a beach ball down, that they're gonna, it's gonna come out somewhere else, right? And create more havoc. And so God invites us this morning to say, you can express your emotions to me. You can say anything. I know it all anyway. God is not surprised, he's not offended, he's not wringing his hands, he's not going, oh my goodness, I cannot believe that you just said that. As a matter of fact, when you sweep the whole counsel of God's word in scripture, it seems to me that God really honors those that are most honest with him. He asked Abraham, what should I do about Sodom and Gomorrah? And Abraham says, You cannot destroy it if there are righteous people there. And God listened to him, right? With Moses, Moses says, You have to go with us. If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up. You promised, you promised that your presence would go with us. Or I think about Hannah as God, I want a baby, I want a baby, please, please, please give me a baby. Or David, who scripture says has the, he was a man after God's own heart, says things like this against his enemy, let evil recoil on those who slander me, in your faithfulness destroy them. And as we know, Jesus himself, God in the flesh, hung on the cross and he was honest. He said, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? And as Alfredo talked about this morning, that is from one of the 56 lament psalms in Scripture, where Jesus poured out his heart to the Father as an expression of honesty and of trust. Today we're gonna look at um two Psalms that are really in the Hebrew text, one Psalm, Psalm 42 and 43. Um, and I want you to pick um Esther is going to read it for us. And when Esther gave her sermon, I can't remember, time runs together, I don't know, but I thought, man, I didn't know her, but I was like, I like her. She has depth, she knows how to read Lament Psalms, and I was like, I want Esther to read this. Um I want you, as she, it's a lengthy text, and by design, I want you to listen because of the rhythm and the roller coaster of emotions that the psalmist expresses. Because you could have one or two um thoughts about it. You could go, man, he is crazy. Or you could go, man, he is human. And I hope that to this morning you walk away going, this is the rhythm of a human heart. So before Esther comes up, I'd love to pray for us. Jesus, all of us have a lot going on in our hearts and minds. Life is full. So I pray that in your mercy, God, you would create space in this place. That each person would know that they're seen by you, God, that they're loved by you. We ask, Holy Spirit, that you would have your way, that you would send forth your light and your truth, that you would guide us to your holy mountain, God, to the place where you dwell, God. Lord, we pray that we'd experience your joy and delight in us, that you love to be with us right where we are, God. Would you meet us here? And Jesus, anyway the evil one wants to come against your work here, we declare that we belong to you and he has no place. So I ask Jesus, the fullness of your righteousness and blood would banish the evil one and any work that he would want to do in any heart and mind, God, that you would be free to rule and reign to your glory and honor, Jesus. We pray these things in your name. Amen.

Reading Psalm 42–43 Aloud

SPEAKER_00 11:30

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, where is your God? These things I remember as I pour out my soul, how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the mighty one, with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me. Therefore, I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls. All your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love. At night, his song is with me. A prayer to the God of my life. I say to God, my rock, why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by my enemy? My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, where is your God? Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why, so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Vindicate me, my God, and plead my cause against an unfaithful nation. Rescue me from those who are deceitful and wicked. You are God, my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by my enemy? Send me your light and your truth. Let them guide me, let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre, oh God, my God. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God.

Context Of The Exiled Worship Leader

Longing For God Like Thirst

When God Feels Absent In Suffering

Asking The Soul: Why Downcast

Augustine’s Insight On Restless Hearts

Choosing Hope While Still Hurting

Hope That Holds: A Community Reflection

SPEAKER_01 14:24

The reading of God's word. Thank you, Esther. So this psalm was written by a son of Korah, and that uh he was an exiled worship leader that led worship in the temple. At that time, the temple among the Jewish people represented the presence of God. He was exiled probably northeast of Jerusalem, far away from the temple, and he longed for the days of being in the presence of God, the temple of God. He was deeply reeply grieved. He remembered the good old days. And he had oppression, not just from uh from without, but deep emotion from within. This morning we're gonna sit with some of the questions of the psalmist, for we have two have questions that deeply trouble us. He starts by saying, As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? The psalmist is thirsting for God in a way that he says, just like a deer needs water to survive, I need your presence in order to live. You see, hunger and thirst is a sign physically that we're alive. If I experience hunger, it means that my body is saying, Hey, you need to eat something because this life is important. Same way with drink. So the psalmist is saying to long for God is a sign that we have an alive heart to Him. Longing is not bad. It can be very, very good, like a child longing for Christmas. And it is uncomfortable to long. It is uncomfortable to desire. And we often numb those longings through a variety of ways. Um, I could make a whole list, but I bet you know what I'm talking about. Instead, Jesus says, Will you sit with me and let your heart long? Kirk Thompson says the whole life of a good Christian is holy longing. That is our life to be trained by our longing. And A. W. Tojer says this I want deliberately to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present lowest state. The still and wooden quality of our religious lives, or I would change that to relationship with Jesus, is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Oh God, I have tasted thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. Oh God, the triune God, I want to want thee. I long to be filled with longing. I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me thy glory, I pray, so that I may know thee indeed. Begin in me a mercy, a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, Rise up, my love, my fair one, come away. Then give me grace to rise and follow thee up from the misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus' name, amen. So the first question is he's like, God, when can I go and meet with you? And he it's so intense that he says, My tears have been my food day and night. He weeps unceasingly. While people say to me, Where is your God? And isn't it true that we can be struggling? And then uh some our friend might say, Well, where's God in this? Aren't you a Christian? And we go, Yeah, God, where are you in this? And that it is those times where we go, God, where are you? How can I meet with you? It feels so dark in this place, and this does not align with what I thought life would be with you. My niece went to be with the Lord at age 33. Um, she had a very aggressive form of cancer. Um, she and her husband Sheldon had two little girls, the um four and two, when she passed away. Lynette walked deeply, deeply with the Lord. And the cancer was such that it as it was spreading and growing, it was growing along her spine, and that the cancerous growth would break her back, break the bones of her back, causing intense pain for her. And she would call her sister, Lydia, my other niece, um, and say, Lydia, will you pray for me? I don't want to wake Sheldon up because he's so tired, but will you please pray for me? I am in so much pain. I can't imagine being in that much pain until you've experienced it. You cannot imagine it. And so I was broken to hear that, and I would pray, God, somehow, may there be an experience of you that she would fellowship in your in her sufferings because you're acquainted with suffering, that she'd have an experience of you that is really profound and deep. So I said to her, Lynette, when you're in that much pain, do you have a really profound experience of the presence of God? And she said, No, but that just really, really hurts. God, where are you? I'm trying to meet with you, and your presence is eluding me. And so maybe you ask that question yourself, God, where are you? When can I come and meet with you? We have those questions in the big pictures of life when young girls are exploited at the hands of men with money and power. God, where are you? Genocide in Sudan and so many other places in the world, a seemingly endless war in Ukraine, a visceral and ugly political divide in our country that is extremely scary. But it might be closer to home. The dark night of the soul that Ian talked about last week, that is a very real uh um thing in our relationship with Jesus, that everyone goes through some sort if they walked with Jesus long enough, where it feels like God has intentionally taken away his presence. And any healthy relationship has an ebb and flow of intimacy, right? Like that just happens. It happens with God. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It's hard. But God's like, yeah. And you go, God, where are you? Or maybe you're trying to make me in meet financially and you just got laid up from your job. You're like, God, really? Where are you? Or you have a conflict with a dear friend or a spouse that you just can't get to the bottom of. And you it as you make more attempts, it seems to that reconciliation just falls flat and brings more hurt. Godly people all the time have conflict that seems irresolvable. Unresolvable, irresolvable, anyway, not resolved. And it it's a disillusioning to me because God, where are you in this? Maybe you have chronic pain. I have friends that have migraines 50% of the time. I can't imagine having chronic pain. And I say, God, where are you? This is the question a psalmist have that if we walk with Jesus, we also have. And the psalmist goes on to say, these things I remember as I pour out my soul, how I used to go to the house of God under the protection. Of the mighty one with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. It's kind of like, oh, this is really hard. I'm gonna remember this. My guess is it wasn't all roses. And he was like, I remember it this way, though, right? Um, but then he asked two more questions that are repeated two more times, and they are the heart of this text. And these are the questions. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why are you so disturbed within me? For me, as I read that scripture for many, many years, the tenor of the voice of that was, why are you downcast? Why are you disturbed? Like you have a God who loves you and you have so much to be thankful for, and your job is to figure it out and get through it so you can be the joyful, hopeful Christian that I've called you to be. Because that certainly means that you're trusting me, right? That's the culture I grew up in. I think rather the tenor of these questions is more like one of kindness and curiosity to sit with your soul and to say, soul, you're trying to show me something, I think. What's going on? Why are you troubled? I'm here to explore with you, and I'm trusting that you have something you want to show me. On Tuesday nights, it is my honor to be with several women from the congregation in a community group. And these women are just holistically beautiful, smart, honest, fun, delightful women. I really can't say enough good things about them. So this past Tuesday night, we looked at this text together because looking at God's word in the context of community, it can unearth so many rich things. And it did that for me. And McKenna, who happens to be taking a PhD philosophy class at the univers at Princeton University, said, Oh, I just read a commentary from Augustine on Psalm 42 and 43. I'll send it to you. And I said, Great. And it was great. And one of the things that I really appreciated is how Augustine talked about these two questions. He says, when he says, Soul, why are you downcast? The soul responds, Why do I disquiet you? Why else? Then because I'm not there in that place of delight to which I was carried away? Am I yet drinking from that fountain free from fear? The answer is no, he's not. Am I yet beyond all danger and falling? No. Am I secure as though all sinful desires were subdued and overcome? No. Is my adversary, the devil, not still on the watch? Does he not set cunning traps for me every day? Can you seriously ask me to disc not to disquiet you while my place is still in this world? While I am a pilgrim still and far from God's house. Now we don't talk like Augustine, but I think if we were to put it in my vernacular, it would be like, so why do you feel disquieted and disturbed and you need comfort? It might say, How could I not be? This world is falling apart around me and I am a mess. And that it is that kind of honesty and sitting with God that takes our heart that you want to numb from longing, to actually crack it open to vulnerability, to sit with your soul and listen to it so that it reveals to you what's going on and what God has for you. So there's lots of ways that your soul can be trying to get your attention. If you have fight or flight, you're like, whoa, I need to pay attention to that. Or you're anxious, you're sad, you're angry, maybe your body's tense in some places. Breathe. Don't push it down. If you need to get online with like what my counselor did and get a whole list of emotions, go, what am I feeling? What's going on in there? Let God meet you. And don't hurry through that process, because that is the place where God meets us. So then the psalmist goes on to say, Why are you downcast on my soul? Why disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. It does not say, quit feeling what you're feeling. It says, while you're feeling it, put your hope in God. This is how Augusty describes it. But he has an answer for the soul that disquiets him and gives him such plausible reasons for its unease by pointing to the evils that abound in this world. Hope in God, he says, dwell in this hope for this in-between time. If hope is seen, it is hope no longer. But if we hope for what we do not see, we will wait for it in patience. See, this hope doesn't take away the suffering, but it meets us in it. In the Hebrew, this hope is a little different than some other hopes in the Old Testament. It actually has this sense of make yourself hope. Push into it. Um be intentional about reminding yourself that you can hope. It says this hope portrays active, persevering hope and expectant waiting that rests on the character and promises of God rather than on human calculation. That's key. I don't know. I think my human calculation is pretty profound sometimes. And then I'm like, God, this doesn't add up. Seems like you should be doing this. And yet God says, Oh, my calculation is different than yours. My ways are higher than yours, and I am ultimately so wise, right? This verb can stress either the inward attitude, I will hope, or the outward posture, I will wait. But in every context, the two ideas are inseparable. Biblical hope waits because it trusts, and trusts because it waits. This kind of hope equips believers to face chronic pain, injustice, or persecution without surrendering to cynicism. If that isn't a word for this day, I don't know what is. Because it's so easy to surrender to being numb and not longing into cynicism. What would it be like if God gives us grace to push into hope such that He'd raise us up as a people of hope in this incredibly cynical world? You see, hope does not change our circumstances, it gives us grace to endure them in a way that is authentic and in a way that increases intimacy with God and others. I think it's a way in which those that don't know Jesus could say, hey, they're legit. Annalie Otnes is on in that Tuesday evening small group. They're all fabulous. I'm just shouting out for two of them here, but they're all great. Um and uh she reflected with her soul to say, So, I have some thoughtful questions for you. And this is how God met her. It was so profound, I'm just gonna read it in its entirety. Long suffering can have a way of making hope seem shallow, or at the very least, a reality that downplays the gravity of one's suffering. In my own experience, hope has often felt elusive, and in trying to grasp onto it, it has too often slipped through my fingers. Hope has felt disillusioning in its own way. Hope has never rescued me from my circumstances. The definition of hope I've frequently been offered demands something in me that I don't have to give, like forcing myself to be somewhere where I am not emotionally. And so what then am I left with? Am I to sink deep into the waves of suffering, allowing them to spill over me and steal my breath? Are they to have the final word? Psalm 42 and 43 show me that suffering and hope are not mutually exclusive. Hope doesn't diminish the pain of suffering, for suffering is, and it will continue to be, and it will not have the final word. Maybe hope isn't something we have to whitenuckle, fearing what will happen if we lose track of it. Instead, amid my deepest sufferings, I've experienced hope as a reality that holds me. I'm not the one holding on, I'm the one being held by Jesus. And it is there, through the darkest of nights, that hope is found, often arriving unannounced. But when the morning comes, so does the revelation that hope was not lost, never up to me, and never dependent on my ability to will it into existence. Hope bears witness to all my suffering and leads me yet again to the heart of my Savior, who is well acquainted with suffering. A hope that focuses solely on what I have versus what I'm longing for frees me from wrestling with God through my questions, doubts, and heartbreaks. Wrestling is where intimacy grows. So anything that relieves me from the necessity of wrestling is actually a shallow platitude that leads to resentment. She preaches, right? I could drop the mic right now and be done. She personifies hope in the person of Jesus and that hope holds us. Pay attention to your soul. Hope is found in a person. And because of that, the psalmist says, I will praise him, the truth of who God is, the one who is worthy of my praise. He has been faithful. He is my savior, my rescuer, my God. The psalmist goes on to say, My soul is downcast within me, therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon, from Mount Mazar. Deep cause to deep in the roar of your waterfalls, all of your waves and breakers have swept over me, so overwhelming. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song within me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to my God, my rock, why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning oppressed by the enemy? My bones suffer mortal agony, and my foes taunt me all day long, saying to me, Where is your God? There's a lot in that. But this morning we're just gonna pause and say, Have you ever felt forgotten by God? I have. It's a terrible feeling. Feeling forgotten is terrible. Um, you know, um, Bob and I, to look at us, you probably think we've been married for a very long time and have a gaggle of children. But the truth is that we were married when I was 48. And Bob, to be clear, was well worth the wait. And the waiting was painful, very painful. I worked in campus ministry, so I went to so many weddings, I was in so many weddings, I went to so many baby showers, I hosted so many baby showers, one target trip, I was shopping and I had 11 registries just in that one time. And I had an attitude. I'm like, when are people gonna buy me stuff? And um, the spirit in his kindness, and he was very kind, as I was honest with him, he was like, Aren't you glad I don't give gifts like you do? And I was like, ooh, excellent point. Um, help me with this, help me with this. But it kind of became a really poignant moment when my niece got married. Now, it is not right that a niece gets married before me, right? And to top it off, the groom stood in front of the whole church and said, I thank my sovereign God for giving me Kelly, that he brought her right at this right time, and she is the perfect gift for me, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, You are my sovereign God, and you have not done this for me. And it is my deep desire. And I um cried throughout their ceremony. And um, at the end, my I was my sister was sitting behind me. She since apologized to this. But um, I told, I thought, I'm gonna be vulnerable with her and tell her that this was hard. She goes, Well, Carrie, you know, no good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. Yeah. She intended well-intentioned, right? We slap Bible verses on things in a very well-intentioned way. And I said, Donna Joe, I know that verse. That's why this is hard. Have you felt forgotten by God? I bet you have. Longings unmet, desires. Maybe you want children. You're like, Jesus, I want a child. I long for a child. This is a good desire you've made me to have a child. I feel forgotten by you. Or maybe you have children and you're like, man, I am living a life of obscurity, and this is really hard. And I'm changing diapers and um and and resolving conflict with a two-year-old and a four-year-old, and I'm trying to figure out what to feed them next. Does anybody see me? Does anybody care? I feel forgotten by God. I love these babies, but man, I am exhausted. Maybe you're passed over for a promotion that you really deserved, right? Or maybe you're an ethnic minority or inner some from another country, and here the dominant culture just dictates your surroundings. You're like, man, I just want to be with my people. I feel so forgotten. I feel so forgotten by God. Or maybe you're not the best of your in your class anymore, that you used to be the most brilliant, and now everybody else around you is equally as brilliant. And you kind of just kind of wade into the obscurity. Do you feel forgotten by God? Maybe you didn't get into the PhD program you wanted. Maybe you can't seem to find a good job fit. Maybe you're in a marriage and you're estranged from your spouse. You're like, God, do you see this? I feel forgotten by you. Sit in it. Say to your soul, what do you have to tell me? And Jesus is there. You can say, Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why are you disturbed within me? Yes, you pour out your heart. You can stay with God, and He can remind you that I am the God who sees you. I am your good shepherd, and I go after the one sheep. I am your father. You can cry out, Abba, Father, and I delight to give good gifts to you. See, it doesn't take away the pain. That's not what I'm saying. But what it does is it brings an encounter with the God who has revealed himself and his goodness to those places of pain. Then we go on to Psalm 43: Vindicate me, my God, and plead my cause against an unfaithful nation. Rescue me from those who are deceitful and wicked. You are God, my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? We could do a whole sermon on rejection, and we don't have time for that. But it's an awful, awful, awful feeling and to feel rejected by God. And my guess is that the evil one for all of us has a place where we're like, I believe God loves me except for this. Or I believe people in my community group or family love me, but if they knew this about me, that sin that you struggle with over and over and over again, and your propensity is just to hide it. But that hiding can make you feel like you're being rejected by God. And the truth is that we will never outsend the blood of Jesus Christ. Like it's really kind of arrogant when I go, yeah, but God, what about that? And he's like, and you think my blood is not sufficient for that? It is. I will never reject you or forsake you. I welcome you with open arms. And then the exiled priest, little does he know, but he is actually asking God that God would come. And God answers. He says, Send me your light and your truth. Let them guide me, let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre. Oh God, my God. See, the whole Bible is a whole story. And everything in the Old Testament points to the beautiful reality that God Himself took on flesh. Send me your light. He also is the way, the truth, and the life. And that Jesus, when he came, God the Son, was bird through the birth canal of a teenage little girl as the light of the world and the one who embodies truth. You see, this exiled priest actually, his prayer was answered as God himself was exiled from the Trinity to come to earth. And the exiled priest Jesus came and he embodies truth. There's nothing false about him. And because of that, he is worthy of our trust. He took on flesh and he came into this world of suffering. He came for us, he chases us, he suffered a horrible, excruciating death on the cross that bore the spiritual sin of injustice from all the world. He carried suffering and evil so that we could sit with him on the mountain. He himself wept with friends, he wept over Jerusalem, and he exuded great joy. And he says, When you dwell with me, I want my joy to be in you and your joy to be complete. See, Jesus experienced the whole gamut of emotions, for he truly was truly human and fully alive. And that he sends forth his light and his truth, and then he guides us to his holy mountain. Mountains hold a significant place in the biblical narrative, serving as sites of divine revelation, covenant, and worship. They are often depicted depicted as places where God reveals himself to his people, where pivotal events in salvation history occur, and where the faithful encounter the divine presence. And when your soul cries out, he sits with us, he listens to us, he comforts us, he understands, he doesn't ask us to be at a different place. And he has promised that one day, one day, he will remove every tear from our eyes, all wrongs will be made right, and we will live with him and one another in perfect beauty, beauty, and restoration. And then he goes on to say, You will be my joy, my delight. Joy is often defined as an experience of being with someone who is glad to be with you. Isn't that great? God is glad to be with you. Not because you have it all together, but because you're you. You can be honest. And he's like, I love being with you. Um so then the psalmist goes on to say, God, why is my soul downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my savior and my God. And as the worship team comes forward, I want to show you a picture that is sadly too dark. Um, but this was a place of a holy mountain experiences with God. It's Stoff's coffee shop in Columbus, Ohio. Excellent coffee. They roasted in small batches for those of you who care. And um, I would go there and I would sit with God over a steaming cup of coffee and a whole wheat bagel and peanut butter with just a little drizzle of honey. And I'd sit with the word of God, and it was in this place that God showed me how to pour out my heart in lament. To be clear, I still have a long way to go in understanding how to do it and being in touch with my emotions. In my early 30s, I worked with a campus ministry at Ohio State, and my world started to fall apart around me, and my heart started to come alive. I really thought up until that time that the spiritual way to do things was to just spiritualize things, slap a Bible verse on it, be thankful, and all was good. Later, as I met with a counselor, she would say, How's that working for you? And the answer is it doesn't very well. I had conflict with my co-director. We had team conflict where there was a lot of triangulation that was just really messy and very, very broken. Um, I had enmeshed friendship, one particular mesh, enmeshed friendship that was really painful for both of us. Um and I was trying to hold it all together because I thought I was the savior in all these situations. And I wanted to have everyone really like me in the process. You see, this isn't going well. To top it off, I had a deep affection for a man and it was not returned. I could tell you stories, but I don't have time. But suffice it to say this. At that point, it was like God said, Do not fear having a broken heart before me. Pour it out. Your heart is disquieted. You are disturbed, and you know what? For good reason. And I wrestled with his word, like I remember being in Psalm 34 over and over again taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. The Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the lever seek the Lord lack no good thing. And I'm like, I don't believe you. Like, this doesn't seem true. And so then I'd have to wrestle and say, God, clearly I'm the one in the wrong because you are God. I believe that. Somehow will you align my definition of goodness with your definition of goodness? Because it's not my experience right now. And we'd sit and I'd pour out my heart. And later, more and more, I'd pour out my heart with friends and a counselor, and God began to free me and shape me and help me live a more authentic life. And I am older than probably almost everybody in this room. And I usually don't pull the I'm older card because you're smarter. I'm just older. And um uh uh, but I can say this that I can bear witness when I reflected on that time, I can bear witness to the goodness and faithfulness of God. That I have experienced the goodness of God in the land of the living, that I can stand here and say, God is true. What he says about himself is true, and he will be faithful to you, and not just in an abstract way, but good in your heart. I would also say that I probably have more questions than I did then, and that I'm more comfortable with the mystery of God because I think the mystery of God allows us to bow to him in worship. I'm more able to trust, to release control, and to hope. Not that this life is gonna meet all my deep desires, because I have found that it does not, but I can wait expectantly for him to take me home and to wipe every tear from my eye and to right every injustice in this world. So is your soul disquieted or disturbed this morning? I just want to say that's normal. It's because you live in a broken world and you yourself are broken. Is God worthy of your hope and trust? He is. Is he worthy of your praise? He is. Will he rescue you as your savior? He is. He is your God. Let me pray. Jesus, we pray that you'd give us broken and contrite hearts, God. And that we wouldn't be fearful of the breaking, but that it would break as a gift to you. And as we pour out our heart, God, as water in your presence, would you help us, God, be honest with you and honest with close friends? Would you meet us in those places? Would you give us courage to ask the hard questions and to say the hard things to you? And um, Lord, as that happens, God, would you help us, God? Um, believe, God, that you are worthy of our hope, even when it's hard. Bless these men and women, Jesus, today as they go. May the you, the God of hope, fill them with joy and peace as they trust in you, God, that they might overflow with hope by the power of your spirit. Amen.