Charlotte’s Story

Introducing my next guest, Charlotte

Charlotte joins me to share her honest motherhood journey, including her experience of gender disappointment during pregnancy, becoming a mum during lockdown, and the chaos of raising an energetic six-year-old boy.

We also talk about an unfortunate incident involving a pound coin that resulted in a trip to hospital and surgery to remove it!

This episode explores the guilt, the worry, the joy, and everything in between that comes with motherhood. It's a raw, relatable conversation that so many mums will connect with. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hello, I'm your host Leanne, and welcome to Motherhood Honestly, where we get rid about pregnancy, birth, and motherhood. The highs, the lows, and everything in between. Honest stories, messy moments, and sharing our journey together. Today Charlotte joins me to talk about her journey into motherhood. We talk about her experience of gender disappointment during her pregnancy. Yeah. Becoming a first-time mum during the COVID lockdown. Navigating some terrifying health scares of Carson. And the reality of raising a very energetic little boy is an honest conversation about the challenges, worries, and joys that come in motherhood. Enjoy We're laughing already. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you. Um I just said it's been ages since I've seen you because we used to work together many minutes ago. I'm trying to remember what year it was. When did we get made redundant?

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Um got married.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Oh, okay, fine. What have you been up to since? Working, working child. Having a child, working. That is a job in itself. Um I want to start your pregnancy first. Tell me about your journey to becoming pregnant. So we um wanted to enjoy our marriage.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Yep. You know, but as soon as you get married, everyone's like, When you have a baby, when you have a baby, I hate this as well. It's like we're having a baby when we're ready to have a baby. Yeah, just leave us alone. We moved into our we bought a house, I changed jobs and got married in the space of three months. Oh, so we were like three life changes. Wow. So we were like, no, we just want to enjoy marriage, yeah, and being on our you know, our own time. Yeah. And um, and then I think it was about after about a year we thought we'll try, whatever. Um but not necessarily like plan it, you know, we didn't want to do the whole like yeah, ovulating, like yeah, like yeah, it's just that was me, yeah. That was me. Yeah, it was do it as it comes, sort of thing. Absolutely. Um, but then I was chaining jobs again, so it's a bit uncertainty in my current job, so we put it on hold because we didn't want to be in that position where I then might have a job or whatever, um, or be entitled to maternity pay or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Not say it's a lot, but anyway.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

It's it's shocking, isn't it? Um so um yeah, I fell pregnant. We went actually away for the weekend to Hastings, nice um, and I just I didn't feel quite right on that trip, and then as soon as we got back, I took a pregnancy test as soon as like Mark was still unloading the car, and you were like, I am doing this test, and then I was like, Oh my god, I'm pregnant. But then we just we sat we sat in silence.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

We didn't I think because it all just came in a shock, we didn't know what to do, what to say, what to like it was all even though you weren't trying, trying, but it I think it is still a shock anyway, isn't it? Yeah, oh okay, hold on a minute, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

So um, yeah, that was that, and that was all like pretty cool. But then I think I was about 14 weeks. Um no, I must have been further than that. Anyway, I'm not very emotional. My friends would tell you, like, yeah, I don't cry at anything, I'm not an emotional person, and all of a sudden I was just overwhelmed with emotions. I was crying literally for three days straight. I couldn't go to work, couldn't do anything, because I was just crying over nothing. And I spoke to the midwives, um, and they said, Oh, is there some you know, are you listening to sad songs on the radio or is it an advert or something that's ups you know? It's like absolutely not, like I don't I don't know why. So they said, Well, if it carries on for longer than a week, let us let us know because it could be prenatal depression.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Yeah, which is a real thing, by the way. Yeah, it's a thing, you know, it happens before you give birth. Because I like I know you said about you were so emotional during that time, like yeah, and then so after the three days, what what happened? Did you switch the radio up?

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Well, because it wasn't actually anything, I was just you know, as soon as I'd wake up, I'd get in the shower and I'd just cry. I'd just constantly like you couldn't like pinpoint it to anything. No, and then um it's it it calmed down a bit after those three days, but then it was still intermittent throughout my whole pregnancy, and I think it really hit me when we had the private scan to find out the gender.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Yeah, which I'm gonna come to because I know this was something really pivotal in your story. But just quickly, with your the like um the emotions, do you think that your hormones played a huge role in it, or do you think it was something else?

SPEAKER_01 5:06

It must have been my hormones, yeah. It must have been because they're all over the place, aren't they? And you don't realise because you don't necessarily feel changes. Obviously, you feel like you know a baby growing or whatever, or you might have morning sickness or what have you. Like physical changes that you don't feel those kind of changes, if you know what I mean. Yeah, so it just completely took me by surprise.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Yeah, and and like you say, coming from coming from someone who's not very emotional, that's very sort of like far left for you. Like, what's going on?

SPEAKER_01 5:37

It was almost like 35 years of emotions came out in like three days. It was mad.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Um yeah, so moving on to what you just said, you were very honest about experiencing the gender disappointment. Tell me about that.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

So during the pregnancy, I was always kind of I just want a healthy baby. That's why I kind of that's what anybody wants, right? But whereas Mark really wanted a girl, he had his heart, he he just really wanted a girl, and then it got to I was thinking, okay, I think I want I would like a girl over a boy just because of the relationship I have with my mum, yeah, and knowing my brothers as they grew up, they were the naughty ones. Mark I knew was probably a naughty way he'd tell me he wasn't. I'm like, you were definitely a naughty kid. So if I have if we have a boy, I think it's gonna be naughty. If we have a girl, I just think it was like it's gonna be like me. Yeah, yeah. I was a good child, I was like easygoing, I was chill, um, and I just wanted that kind of mother-daughter relationship that I have with my mum. Yeah, but it wasn't necessarily didn't feel like it was something that I really wasn't like a be-all or end all, I suppose. But then when we found out the gender, literally as soon as he said it was a boy, I broke down. Really? And I literally, yeah, again, the all those emotions then came back, and I couldn't even like I went to see my mum to say, like, oh, and we're having a boy, and I couldn't even say it. Couldn't even say we're having a boy without like crying, or and she was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that's what made it worse because I wasn't expecting it, yeah. Because prior to that I was thinking, and maybe it was just because I thought Mark wanted a girl that I thought I wanted that for him.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Yes, yeah, I get what you mean. Yeah, you kind of wanted to give him what he is, what he wanted, essentially, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

So um, yeah, so literally the whole of my pregnancy, I don't I although it's hard to look back now, because I don't it's almost like you forget oh well I forgot a lot of my pregnancy, but I know at the time I didn't enjoy my pregnancy. Yeah. But I think it was just because of the overwhelming emotions that came with it that I really struggled with.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Did you feel like I know at times we really know that when he started to kick and stuff, did you feel any like oh I know you said about the gender disappointment, but like any attachment to that? Like, did you feel any like overwhelming like sense of like rush of love or anything? Or was it just Yeah, I felt all the right emotions like like with that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Um, yeah, and would feel you know, but it's always like I don't know if you ever when you ever try to film like the kicks, as soon as you try and film your tummy doing the kicks, they stop. They stop. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

So it's like they know exactly what's happening. It's like now when you try and film them doing something and they're just like no. Or Olivia says stop mummy. I'm like, okay, fine. Um so yeah. And then I guess so moving on to birth. You had gestational diabetes and an induction was recommended to you. But I guess before this, did you have any idea of how you wanted to give birth?

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Like, did you have a preference or were you just like I wanted to have a natural birth because I just felt like I don't know whether it's like pressure outside pressure that you don't realise is kind of put on you, but I just I don't know, I felt like I just wanted to it to be as natural as possible. Yeah. Although I wasn't worried about, you know, I wasn't saying even you know, even when I was in the hospital, I was like, you gonna give me all I'm not gonna be a hero here.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Oh no, yeah, yeah, absolutely. No, it's no need to be a hero.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

Um but yeah, no, I hadn't really thought about it, but I think because I found out about the gestational diabetes when they do those checks, um, I can't remember it's about 20-something weeks.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

Yeah, I think it's like 28 weeks, maybe. Yeah, and even people who listen incorrect as if arrived, I think it's 28 weeks. Um it's just that ranked drink that you have to drink.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

Yeah, it's like Lucasade, but not the nice one. Um the original one. Um so yeah, I don't think um I'd really thought about it other than I'd just like to have a natural birth because I just want to experience that um more than anything.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

And I know that induction was recommended to you, talk taught me through that.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Well, I feel like it wasn't really recommended, it was it was only until after I'd had Carson that somebody else said to me, Oh, you do realise that you don't actually have to go with what they say. But I felt like I was told I have to be induced early. And she said, But you can go, you know, we can go as close as we can to the due date, but no more than a week before. Like that's the earliest you can. So I was like, Well, I'll choose that then because every time I went to my mid-wife appointments and they measured my tummy, they always measured it twice, almost confused, because they were like, Oh, did I write that down right? Because you're not actually your bump isn't showing um at the size of someone that has gestational diabetes.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

Because they were saying they say, don't they, gestational diabetes, your baby grows bigger? Yeah, yeah. That's that's like assuming that your bump would look yeah bigger essentially.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Okay, yeah, because the baby's supposed to be bigger and they you get induced early because there's chances of them getting stuck going out.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

Yeah, which everyone.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

No, but every measurement I had, they were like, eyes growing he's showing quite small for but to be fair, the gestational diabetes, I was on the the low mark, so there's obviously a mark between I I can't remember say it starts at 2.0. Yeah, I was on two point oh. So you were on my gestation, I guess. Yes, and my gestational diabetes only occurred in the mornings, so basically my pancreas wasn't working at overnight. No, oh interesting. Okay. So my blood sugars was all it was always my morning reading.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

You should have got an afternoon appointment. I know they only do it in the morning today. Um so you you went into labour, so you had the induction, right? Yeah, we knew before he was due. Tell me how long you were in labour for, because when I read that I doubled I double took, I was like, what?

SPEAKER_01 12:08

So well, I I never actually went into established labour. Yeah, I'm doing that in my inverted commas.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Inverted commas, Charlotte is inverting commerce.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Um so for 27 hours I was having the well, they're unnatural contractions because the contractions when you're induced, um, and I don't know if this is because it's an ear early thing or whatever, um obviously that yeah, they're hormonal like contractions, aren't they? Yes, it's a hormonal drug that they put in you.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

So it's a hormone drip you had.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Yeah, okay. But the contractions were like every minute 30 seconds for and because my mum was saying to one of the midwives, you sure she's not like in labour? And they said, Oh no, not until her contractions calm down, and they're more like every three minutes apart, whereas I was having them just like constantly no break at all, yeah, is it for 27 hours? So I was being sick, I was they tried to like help like give me anti-sickness medication, it just wasn't that the only thing that was helping was when I got in the shower and literally just held this warm shower head over my tummy. Really? I was like, I don't want to get out.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Just like I lived in the bath at the end of my pregnancy. Warm water sounds like no it doesn't tell everything, it does not solve birth. Um you put in your um like in when you wrote back to me with your story, you said about trying to stay awake after the medication you were given to sleep. Is this before birth or after birth? This was before birth.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

So I was what was this medication? So I was in because I've been in this like labour stance for 27 hours, and they and then and they'd broken my waters, and then they said, Oh, I was only well they said one and a half centimetres dilated, but we're not supposed to say halves, but she was like, I don't want to make you feel bad because you're only like one and a half centimetres. I was like, after 27 hours, I'm just like, Are you kidding me? So I wasn't even like in established labour. Um and she said, and so because obviously I hadn't slept all that time because I felt so ill in so much pain. So she was like, I can give you something to help you sleep, but it will slow the process down. And I thought, well, I'm already 27 hours in, yeah. Even if things did start to speed up, you can have no energy. Yeah, of course, yeah. So I was like, give me the medicine, whatever you do. So they gave me that, and then half an hour later, maybe an hour tops, they're waking me to say the baby's heart rate's dropped right down, we need to get your baby out. You need to medication.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

You need to stay awake, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

And I'm like, you've just given me medicine to put me to sleep, and now you're telling me I need to be awake. Um, so that was probably the hardest part of it, trying to stay awake through you think maybe the medication also like slowed fast and I wonder if it did. Um, but then obviously I had to have an emergency C section, yeah, but then when they pulled him out, the cord was wrapped around his neck three times. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

So I think he was in a little bit of distress, I guess. So you end up having to have an emergency C section. How I'm not gonna ask how that was because I've had one, it sucks. How were you feeling at the time? Like, tell me about it. Because it's not I suppose as well, you're probably it sounds really rude, but you're probably a bit dopey, weren't you, from the medication. Yeah, yeah. Did you really have like an awareness of what was happening? Uh not really, because it all happened so quick. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

I'm because they told me I need to stay awake, I'm just putting all of my energy and effort into just staying awake and my eyelids open. It was literally like that. Yeah. Just like and then obviously everything's happening so quick. And then but I was actually quite calm. Right, yeah. Because I was half asleep. You were a bit drunk up as well. Like, this is wonderful.

unknown 16:09

No.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Exactly. So I was actually, yeah, but I am quite a calm, chill person anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because even like they were, you know, when they um trying to prep you and everything, I remember like one of the um midwives or something like holding my hands and like standing right in front of me saying, like, oh, you know, don't worry, blah blah blah. And I was thinking, I'm not worrying, like, yeah, I feel like I'm in safe hands. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

I'm just you just tell me what you need me to do or how you need me to sit. Isn't it like with all the doctors in that room? It's quite how was Mark feeling?

SPEAKER_01 16:43

Um, well, he was enjoying, I remember him enjoying a sandwich because he thought you're a centimetre dilator, we're gonna be here a long time. I'm gonna I'm off to the MS to get a bit of lunch. So he was sitting with a sandwich thinking, Oh my god, we're gonna be here for days, and then when they said on a unit we need to do an emergency section, you need to get gowned up, etc. When we went in, he was just like white as a ghost. Yeah, almost went silent, and then actually, when Carson was born, and obviously they put him on me, but I couldn't really feel him, and my hands felt really heavy and everything, so I was like, Can you take him off me? Can you take him off because I feel like I can't hold him? Yeah, so Mark obviously took him off me, and then we got moved to um a ward or something after. And I remember him, he was like, Oh, I need to call your mum to let her know that he's here, etc. So that my mum could come obviously to the hospital. Um and then he was like, I need to go, I need to go, and he just absolutely panicked, had a meltdown. He got into the car park and he had it, he said he absolutely had a meltdown. He sat in the car and just cried.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Oh gosh, it's probably like you say it's a lot, isn't it? Watching you go through all that and then you know, having the C section again, it's such a clinical environment, and for some of you've not been experienced that, it's not it's not a a nice thing for anybody. I don't know, actually, my husband taught you he for thriving, he loved it. He was putting out all the things they were doing to me, and I was like, Right. Um but no, I can imagine it must not not have been very nice for him to see. But the Carson was here and you named it. I love the name. Where did that name come from? Downton Abbey. That's the Carson. I love that. I didn't think about Downton Abbey. Oh my gosh. I love that. Um and how much did he weigh? Six pounds one. You did not have gestational diabetes, Charlotte. You did not have one. I was like one. And when have we how 39 weeks?

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

No. Spoiler alert, Charlotte did not have gestational diabetes. Um and so Carson was born right at the start of the pandemic. Yes. When did you realise something was going on like huge in the world outside the hospital? When did you notice that something was was not right?

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Um so obviously we knew like because obviously there's a like this build-up to COVID, you know, it was going on in Italy and wherever else in the world, and then it was like, oh, there's cases here or whatever. But and luckily we had done a shop before I went into hospital because we were like, we need to make sure we've got everything. Yeah. Um, and I'd luckily bought a big roll of 12 pack of toilet rolls rolls. Love it. When everything was in the shop. Yeah. Um, I had to stay in hospital for about five days after I had casting because he had an infection. Okay. Um they had to give him antibiotics. And that was another thing. They so the NICU unit was downstairs, right? They said initially told me, because I heard a C-section, they would come up and get him to go down for his antibiotics, because he had to have it through a cannula. Um, and then which they did the first time, and because he had to have them every four hours or something. And then the next time I was waiting for them to come up like eight o'clock at night, whatever it was, and um they came up and they were like, 'What you haven't gone downstairs?' And I was like, 'Well, no, because I was told to wait for you to come up.' And they were like, 'No, you're supposed to just bring him down.' I'm like, Okay, I've just I've been belly walk.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Yeah, yeah. Firstly, remember that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Okay, so great. So I now have got to find my way down for my baby.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

And it is like a bloody crystal maze up there, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Yeah. And it was like they were a bit short with me for not bringing him down. I was like, Well, firstly, you told me that you were gonna bring it me, like you did the first night. First night, yeah, yeah, yeah. So why would you not continue it the second night? So that was a bit um odd. But anyway, so yeah, he hadn't they didn't know what the infection was, but it it got cleared up after the antibiotics. And he was okay, yeah. Yeah. And you were okay? Yeah. Yeah. And we couldn't we just couldn't wait to get home ourselves. Yeah, I feel like that's and they say, Oh, you can go, but then it was like that was about ten in the morning, and it wasn't we didn't actually get discharged until like six o'clock at night. We just sat on the bed like waiting.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

So you've got to wait, haven't you, for like the doctor to sign everything like home for us on Christmas Eve, like 9 a.m. they're like, Yeah, you can go home. But we didn't actually get home until like three, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

And you just you just want to get home then, don't you?

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Absolutely. So, and obviously during that time, even though that was only a week in hospital, I hadn't obviously been on my phone or anything, or looked at you know, news or yeah, or anything. So we thought, well, on our way back, because I was trying to breastfeed, um, but we thought we'll get some milk on the way, some formula in case we need or weather. Went into Tesco um and I was like, this is weird. I was like, why is there no like toilet rolls kitchen roll? Like, why is why what's going on?

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Pasta.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Yeah, I was like, I I couldn't I just couldn't comprehend because this was a just before like. official lockdown. Yeah. Um 'cause he was born on the fourth of March. Yeah. Yeah. So I think and then we would have gone home like a week later, so what you know, 10th, 11th or something. And then Yeah, it was all just so surreal and I couldn't comprehend why there was no toilet march. I remember saying to Mark, I was like, why is there no toilet march? What's going on? Yeah, yeah. An old Tesco. Um and then it was was it the week after or two weeks after? Was it the 22nd of March that was the 22nd, yeah. Yeah. That they um yeah they called the lockdown. And then it was just boom boom.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

You're on your own. That must have been so scary. Yeah. Do you feel like it changed your early postpartum experience?

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Do you know what I felt more upset I think for my mum and my dad yeah because they were so excited. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Wanted to meet their grandson see you as well.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

Which they did get to meet him and everything in hospital.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

But then obviously when that lockdown happened they all stripped away.

SPEAKER_02 23:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

And but the plus side was so Mark had had Mark took two weeks paternity followed by two weeks holiday.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

And then and he was working with Milton Keynes at the time. So because lockdown happened while he was off they um had sent everybody in his work home with like laptops but because he wasn't there they couldn't give him one so he was like oh I mean I can't work I have got no vegan or means of work. So he was like bonus. So he got literally extra time off.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Oh nice.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

And then he only had to go back every other day to work. Okay. So the plus side was that we actually got some really nice yeah family time yeah just the three of us without like people you know just rocking up when they felt like it knocking on the door.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

One of my questions my next question was was there any positives that come from having quiet family time and you've answered it so that's really nice I guess because like you say you know some of the days that he was at home with you did you feel like you needed that support?

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Yeah. Yeah so it was it was just nice but to be fair Carson was a very easy baby.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

I know you you told me all about this you said he was a really easy baby um and I was actually bored I was knocked down.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

I was bored he was that chill was he just what do you mean like in what way like just like just but like didn't cry a lot or just chill yeah he was just well even when I was pregnant with him it to some it would be a telltale sign but I don't know I again probably just because I'm quite chill but he didn't I wasn't getting kicks like you know they say count the kicks and stuff but I wasn't you know he wasn't hamming around going crazy and like even when we went for the gender scan they said you're gonna have to go and drink some a fizzy drink move around do some star jumps yeah like wake him wake him up jiggle around everything because he yeah he was very chill during the pregnancy and then when he was born it's like I could just put him on the one of those playmats and he would just you know like play with it and then send himself to sleep and it's like and because I couldn't do anything you know I was had all these plans oh I want to go to coffee shop just sit and read a book and like go for walks and do some of the baby groups and everything but obviously couldn't do any of that so he was in that very chilled quiet environment until he turned to until he turned into a toddler um I will get to your toddler stage because there's some cracking stuff in this but when Carson was three months old you noticed that something wasn't right with him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

Can you talk to me about that?

SPEAKER_01 26:10

So we got him out of his cot one morning and his the side of his neck was really swollen and I was looking at him thinking is he just slept on it funny and it's just all kind of like squid yeah squid and I thought he he seems alright himself like doesn't seem to be bothering him but it's not right it doesn't look right. So I booked an appointment at the GP and she said oh yeah I'm not sure what that is so sent us off for an ultrasound at the JR quite quickly as well um so we had the appointment at the JR um the ultrasound and thankfully the ultrasound radiologist whatever they're called are really quite good at knowing what it is as soon as they see something and she was straight away she was like oh I know what that is because initially we were thinking oh my god has he got cancer or something yeah yeah so it was it's it was huge.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Yeah um especially on a tiny baby as well it's obviously going to look like a lot but yeah yeah yeah um and I can't remember what the name of it is but basically we tell me before we can't remember the name of it we're not gonna go either it's a long name it's a long name um uh it's basically a m a build up of cells that attach to somewhere in the body okay but they said normally the baby is born with it because it the way they explained it to me is if you have a building site and you have you build load of houses and you have a load of bricks left over at the end the builder just puts those bricks in one pile yeah at the end he said that's what what's happened they've had too many cells left over so they've just put they just attached somewhere in the body yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so obviously they did still do tests etc but they weren't obviously it was benign or whatever because it was just these build up of cells but they are still kind of filled with a liquid so he had to have a procedure um where and I guess the the scary part to it is because you've got so many nerves in your neck and your face that so they need to put a needle into this pile of cells withdraw some of what's in there and then inject the same amount that they've removed inject into it with a bit like a chemotherapy to shrink it but the risks are yeah we could hit a nerve he could have a droopy face he could be paralysed in the side of his face all those kind of things and you think oh my goodness my baby's so small if they think that on like a an adult how hard it's going to be to find the right spot to get to do what they've got to do an inferior dental nerve and it runs along from here here all the way down I'm just demonstrating to Charlotte guys sorry um my dental knowledge coming into play but like you say if you hit the wrong it it affects the whole of the facial facial muscles and nerves so my gosh how how was watching that like going through that how did you and Mark feel because it must have been awful.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

Well Mark wasn't allowed to come because it was only one parent at the time so this happened in the November. So you're like doing this all by second lockdown.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Yeah. So you're like doing it all by yourself.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

So yeah I it was only allowed one parent so I had to go with him and then yeah take him down to the to have the anesthetic hold him while he has the mask on his face. Oh my gosh. Um and then yeah he goes under and then they did the procedure but they to be fair to them they did it you know pretty quick he was probably up in an hour or two and then I've got pictures of him in his cot i I think this was before he went down in the in the big cot in the hospital licking the bars of the cot I'm like yes this sons of my child no COVID round here sorry guys that's how that's how babies get sick.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

Oh my gosh licking the bars of the cot do you think that experience changed how you approach parenting or like health concerns now like are you a little bit more conscious with him?

SPEAKER_01 30:39

Um no not really I don't think because I because it all even after that obviously we had to have he had to have other cat um scans to make sure that it shrunk enough and or if it gone it hadn't completely gone but it shrunk enough that you can't even see it because then the other option was to operate to remove it but we did we didn't want to do that if we didn't have to because obviously we're sending everything we were happy with this um procedure working enough that yeah you can't even even you know he's six now and you can't you can tell you he had any kind of love she's had no um like sort of problems later on with it now no that's good yeah that's good um so you described Carson's dream baby until he hit two yeah literally his second birthday tell me what happened on the night of his second birthday tell me what happened I just everything went out of the window his sleep his although he had the sleep regressions yeah throughout which I actually and I've you know my cousins for instance are a lot younger than me so when I was growing up I used to help my aunt look after my cousins my friends I had you know friends that had babies I'd you know quite often been around like babies throughout you know from the age of 10 onwards sort of thing but no one had ever mentioned sleep regression that was the one thing that completely threw me off yeah because it was like it's hell on earth yeah why has nobody ever mentioned this does any um specific sleep regression like stick out to you because I have one but do do you remember like one that we were like you were like holy shit I can't I can't do this um I don't think well unless it was maybe when he w when he hit two and I think it was more from the going dropping the nap yeah situation.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Fine I'm still clinging on to this nap this one nap a day with Liv I can't let it go but it's gonna go soon because her sleep is just shocking. Yeah um the nap dropping and the So you sorry yeah tell me what happened on the night of the second birthday it just it just changed.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

He just yeah he literally just changed that's when that's when the like terrible twos kind of kicked in and I know I think obviously boys and girls are different in the in the sense that girls are like usually more emotional and take a longer to get over things or more sassy boys are and I know this isn't like stereotypical like for everybody that all girls are like this and all boys are like this but Carson's a very stereotypical energetic boy like boy do we not get any rent since like he turned two it's just been it's just you questioned his energy levels didn't you like and if it was something else. Yeah I wondered if he had ADHD but everything that I was reading it's too early to tell it's too early to tell and when I'd go for like his two year check and whatever and they're like oh he's just a typical boy I'm just like it's it's you see I think it's just exhausting is I Liv's is Liv's very similar she doesn't stop from the moment she wakes up and you're like this is sometimes you count down to bedtime yeah I know I do yeah he's like escaped out of the house and our neighbour he's been in the ro in the middle of the road my neighbour has brought him back so we didn't even realize when we I sent Mark straight out to get a bolt for the top of the door how did you find like the terrible twos because I'm currently in the thick of it so I'd love to know your take on it how did you find it um it was there at stage it was particularly so from the age of two till now because Carson's six right yeah like what was the hardest what was the hardest you're like I'm still in it yeah no two to four two to four was the hardest okay definitely two to three yeah three to four was still there started to ease off but the thing is Carson's a very sensitive little boy to be fair you know I don't want to he you know take anything away from him um you know he's caring he's sensitive he you know shows a lot of love but his energy level like we will go out all day all day yeah and he can be on his bike he he could be in on his scooter we could have been to a trampoline park we could have been soft pay we could have done everything yeah and we will come home and we'll say and it'll be like five o'clock and we say right we need to have a bit of downtime now yeah and he'll go can you take me out my bike can you take me on this and you're just like are you joking you're meant to be like exhausted right now he's honestly like the epitome of a Juracelle bunny like there is just no stopping him Mark and my brother built his trampoline in the garden took them obviously a couple of hours to put it all together put it up he went on it for 10 minutes and then goes can you take me to the trampoline part now this is your trampoline part this is the trampoline park he sounds like a very cheeky chap.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Yeah but good fun yeah he is um so I guess moving on because there was an incident and I don't know how old was Carson when this happened he was three right no he was just it was just before his fifth birth uh we named it the Queen incident um you described it as the hardest moment of motherhood yeah can you talk me through that day and what happened?

SPEAKER_01 36:40

Yeah so I had uh picked him up from the Childminders it was on a Friday picked him up from the childminders were at home um and he was being his usual bouncing off the wall self yeah because he doesn't calm down until he goes to bed and I was sat on the sofa doing my food shop trusty click and collect food shop ready for the next day or two days later and um on our dining table there was two pound coins and I saw him at the corner of my eye pick them both up and he put one to each side of his face um on his cheeks and I said Carlson don't put coins to your face they're dirty like put them back please because we can put them in your money box later um I looked back down to my phone to finish my food shop and he threw himself towards me because he was stood pretty much in front of me and he burst into tears and I was like what's happened what's happened and he was just crying and I was like what's happened Carson what's happened started panic started to kick in I said have you swallowed a coin have you swallowed a coin and he and he just nodded yes and I was like no I think I was saying where's the coin where's the coin because I saw him put one back um and I said have you swallowed the coin have you swallowed the coin and he said yes um so panic stuck stuck in I think I would started to hit him on the back um and then all of a sudden he just started to be sick he just was throwing up constantly tr just trying to throw up um and I feel quite bad at this point because I was then just trying to get him into the bathroom so that he was being sick in the toilet instead of being sick all over the floor like that mum instinct absolutely let's not have a mess with that can we get into the bathroom and I think because I could see that he was breathing yeah um but he was but the panic in his face I think will stay in my head rent free forever like the sheer panic in his little face um and I was like what do I do? Because I know he can breathe is he being sick because he's swallowed it and it's his tummy rejecting it yeah is it going to come out in his volume or do we yeah yeah yeah is it stuck yeah so I was like okay I think I just need to call 111 because if I he's he could because he's breathing I think I'd be I don't want to be too dramatic by calling 999. He was trying to be really chilled out. Yeah I was trying to still breathe out where was Mark Mark was at work he was still at work at the point yeah yeah so um and bless him I I'd sat him on a chair in the hallway so that he wasn't sick on the carpet and he was sick on the wooden floor. On the hallway on the knee rug so um and I was on the phone to 111 and they were asking me all these questions um and I was thinking oh I think I just need to take him to the hospital to check they were like oh we'll get somebody to call you back in ten minutes so I was like okay and then he sat on this chair Mark comes in the front door and he goes what have you done thinking that he was on the naughty stair oh no Carson's like I've been being sick and Mark was like why's he being sick and I said oh he's put a coin in his mouth and it's I don't know if he swallowed it all the way down or if it's stuck or what but he was still like obviously retching and um and then I realised like he couldn't swallow he was just drooling just drooling because he couldn't swallow oh okay so then and I said oh I'm waiting for the doctors to call me back or I've called 111 and then we were like why are we waiting for this I said let's just go to the hospital as we were just about to go out the door because I just thought let's just shove some stuff in a bag because we don't know what's going to happen. So as we were about to go out the door they called me back they asked me the same questions as the other person had already asked me but luckily they did say because they were like oh you need to go to the hospital and I was like yeah we're just we're on our way now she said well I can at least check you in so that when you get there you can get kind of seen straight away yeah so I sat in the back of the car with him we had took a load of muslin we still had a load of muslins holding on to the canoe baby for us we use them as um like snot rags for Carson yeah yeah 100% same Liv's mul uh muzzy is multifunctional yeah 100% so I just take a load of those a towel because I every time like the car moved he'd either be sick wretch or and he couldn't swallow so we he literally drenched God knows how many muslins and towels because he couldn't um swallow so we got into the hospital and they said all let's put a metal detector on him to see if it where it is and then as soon as they got to his throat literally where your Adam's apple would be it was like beep beep beep they were like okay there it is and bless him like we ha I was having to hold his head up because if his head went down too far it was hurting him. If you put yeah like your chin to your chest oh gosh so they um were like we're gonna have to operate to remove it um but that didn't happen so this happen he must have swallowed it I think at about quarter to six and they didn't um take him down to do the procedure to remove it till about 10 pm we're trying to kill so we we're taking it in turns in having him sat on our laps to hold underneath his chin to keep this because he was trying to fall asleep because he was so tired by this point. Yeah yeah and every time obviously he went forward he would owl or wretch or and because we had to hold muslins and towels under him because he couldn't swallow. So he was just constantly drooling for five hours. What was going through your mind at that point like you and Mark we were just like oh just hurry up and operate and get this out like he's clearly like uncomfortable he's trying to fall asleep um we don't know what's take why is it taking so long sort of thing but we were kind of quite calm at that point mark started to freak out a bit when they come in and tell you what they're going to do and then what the risks are and then you have to sign.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

And Charlotte what uh in terms of like the surgery how did they have to get the coin out did they go like down his throat or did they how was that?

SPEAKER_01 43:29

Yeah so well we got they took him obviously for his procedure and that Mark and I went up and waited on the children's ward and I was thinking right they've got to go in take it out and that so he's gonna be laid down there what an hour yeah and then he'll come back up. So an hour passed nothing two hours passed and we're like pacing so we're like what's taking So long has something happened? Has something gone wrong? Why is it taking so long? Why is nobody coming to see us? We were starting to panic at this point. And then about two and a half hours later, the surgeon comes up and says, It was really stuck. I need to let you know it was really, really stuck. He said, I tried one apparatus to get it out. So, like they so yeah, I think they had to put a camera in and then um like some long tweezer, yeah, like tong type things, yeah. He said, and I couldn't get it out. He said, So I tried another a different tool, and I still really struggled. I had to get somebody else to come in and help me because it was that lodged into his throat. Oh my god. So we were like, So is he okay? And they were like, Yes, but we're not gonna wake him up yet because we need to check if I've done any damage trying to get it out because it was that stuck.

SPEAKER_00 45:01

Like to the vocal cords, I guess all of that.

SPEAKER_01 45:04

Um so we said I need to like run some dye through him. Um, and then he said, If I feel that that's okay, we'll bring him round, bring him back up, and tomorrow he'll have a special um scan where they check um he'll have to he had to basically drink some fluid while they were x-raying him to see it go through to make sure that there was no holes in the holes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Um because if there was any holes, then he'd have to have an intravenous drip through his up through his arm or something. Um so yeah, we had to wait for him to come round um and then for that test to happen. But I think we were so overwhelmed, scared, everything that you know all those fears, yeah. And then we just couldn't stop thinking, what if what if that coin had got lodged at a slightly different angle and he wasn't able to breathe, yeah, we wouldn't have got it out. Yeah. Because if that and I think it's down to the fact that the new coins have got the edges.

SPEAKER_00 46:24

Oh yeah, of course they've got like they're not like fully like round and all of that hexagon-y type.

SPEAKER_02 46:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

My gosh. Like I I just I can't I couldn't even imagine it. I but I they removed it and everything was okay.

SPEAKER_01 46:40

Yeah, it was okay. Everything, yeah, everything was okay. Um, obviously we were traumatized by it, absolutely just the whole experience.

SPEAKER_02 46:49

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 46:50

Um, but it just goes to show because he this was a month before his fifth birthday. You see all the choking messages, um, signs, warnings on things for under threes.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:07

But it just goes to show that you know you your your child doesn't need to be two or ever tonight.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

Because he would say, don't they, about oh, you have to cut your grapes and and for uh like for their choking hazard and things, but yeah, like again, that's very much based at like toddler level, isn't it? It's not at you know, sort of like you say Castle was like nearly five. Yes. Yeah, I've got I never really thought about that to be honest. Like they're always really aimed at at weaning, isn't it? It's the weaning stage, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 47:40

But so I still worry about so he got a till for his birthday, but I daren't give him the coins out of it, even though like I think uh you know, I'm sure he's he's learnt from that and he's old enough or whatever. But it's like you know, and when I s if I when I see parents give like their two-year-olds lollipops and stuff, it I yeah freak.

SPEAKER_00 48:02

Yeah, because I just think Yeah. And like you say, that happened within what two seconds down just to do what I mean.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

To do my shopping, yeah. And it and because he'd I think what he'd done is he had one each to each cheek and then he just drew them down, yeah, and I think he just breathed in and it was also as well.

SPEAKER_00 48:26

You I think I'm very much I'm like my child wouldn't do that. My child wouldn't put that in the mouth. Yeah, but you just don't know what goes through because you know what I mean? Like you just don't know, so my gosh, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 48:42

It's in the pot that they gave us in with the gunk and everything else that's on it. That would be really cheap. Yeah, they gotta pound out. We've kept it in the in the pot that they um they gave it to us in, so we can day changes. Um but he still remembers it.

SPEAKER_00 49:01

Yeah, I mean he probably will, you know, like it's it's probably one of those things like that he subconsciously still remembers and he knows is he weird around money now, I guess, or or no, you know. No, lost money, but it's phased him at all. Um and I guess it what surprised you most about having a boy, what was that your biggest surprise? Apart from the coin incident, apart from CoinGate, CoinGate.

SPEAKER_01 49:27

Um how loving boys can be.

SPEAKER_02 49:33

Is that nice?

SPEAKER_01 49:33

Mummy's boy, yeah. Yeah, mummy's boy. Um he has these stages of mummy's boy and daddy, like daddy's like his hero, his best friend, his daddy's cool.

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Does Mark like love that though?

SPEAKER_01 49:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to do, you know, daddy's just got into golf. Oh, I want to get into golf. Daddy's into dance, I want to play dance, I want to do whatever daddy's doing. Yeah. But with me, it's the I love my mummy. I love my mummy. Mummy's my favourite.

unknown 50:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:08

Absolutely. And what's been your favourite stage so far? Now I think. Really? Yeah. Now 'cause he's funny. Funny.

SPEAKER_01 50:17

He's a what's he into? What's he like? What's he like doing? Football, um, golf. Now he's got his own little golf bag, golf clubs. Okay. Motorbikes, vehicles, any kind of vehicle. But I tell you what's crazy, and anybody who knows me and it will knows us in Carson. Ever since he could literally walk or whatever, he has been into lawn mowers. Lawn mowers? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:46

Where'd that come from? I don't know. I think on his Did someone buy him above a lawnmower.

SPEAKER_01 50:53

Well, yeah, they would have done. But I don't know if that's where it started or where when he would have been watching like something on his tablet, and there was this this guy who mows lawns. He's just going to he is obsessed with mowing lawns. He asks to mow our lawn every weekend still now. That's got three different types of lawn mowers.

SPEAKER_00 51:20

I mean free gardener for life, Charlotte.

SPEAKER_01 51:22

I know I'm telling you now, he'll get 14, he'll hit 14 and he'll be like, Well, I'm not mowing lawn. No. For pocket money. Yeah. Lawn mowers, strimmers, anything that's to do with so yeah, if you need gardener, he loves it. Bring him round. Yeah, he absolutely loves it.

SPEAKER_02 51:41

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 51:43

So I've got one question left for you. If you could write a letter to you in the early days of motherhood, what would you say to yourself?

SPEAKER_01 51:52

Um just be open and honest with the people around you about how hard parenthood can be. Yeah. Remember everybody's situation and story is different. But be open to listen to other people's advice. Because I think sometimes you can get so overwhelmed by people's other experiences that you know that you think that that's gonna happen to you too.

SPEAKER_00 52:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:23

Um, or that your child is gonna be just like theirs, or it's you know, that you're they're not gonna sleep, or they're this is gonna happen, or that's yeah, you know, they're just but it's always different. Everybody's child and everybody's journey is individual is diff is different. Um, so it's just kind of realising that and that parenting is hard, kids can be dicks, but it doesn't mean we don't love them.

SPEAKER_00 52:50

I love that. That is this is my favourite quote. Kids can be dicks, but it doesn't mean you don't love them.

SPEAKER_02 52:56

I love that, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 52:58

Thank you so much for coming on, I really appreciate it. Hey, thank you for having me. No problem. Thank you so much, Charlotte. You've been great, thank you. Thank you.