One of Virtue Podcast

Beauty from Broken Vows Pt.1

• Avionna Elizabeth • Season 1 • Episode 7

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Join William and Avionna Campbell as they discuss how a marriage shattered by infidelity, pregnancy loss, and despair has been redeemed through God’s healing power, faith, and forgiveness in the seventh episode of One of Virtue Podcast.

SPEAKER_01

Hello, hello, everybody. We are back with yet another episode of One of Virtue Podcast. Today's episode is going to be very, very special. And I have the most special guest that I could possibly have as my first guest. Y'all, this is my husband, William Campbell. Welcome, hubby. How does it feel being my first guest on the podcast?

SPEAKER_00

It feels great. Um, obviously, I don't know. I don't know. I feel a little nervous.

SPEAKER_01

You feel a little nervous?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, just a little bit.

SPEAKER_01

Stage right?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I guess you can call it that.

SPEAKER_01

A little bit. Well, you know, it's the first time for everything.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. I feel like I can talk normally, but it might be the camera.

SPEAKER_01

I think it's the camera.

SPEAKER_00

It might be the camera.

SPEAKER_02

That's okay.

SPEAKER_01

We're gonna warm up. We're gonna be here for a long time, guys. As y'all can see from the title, this one, it's a little heavy, but I believe that it's gonna be very fruitful. And we're just being obedient to what the Lord has called us to do. So we are gonna go ahead and dive in. But before we get started, of course, we're gonna open up in a prayer. So, Heavy, did you want to go ahead and open us up in a prayer?

SPEAKER_02

All right, let's go.

SPEAKER_00

Dear Father, we thank you for this day. We thank you for the peace that you bring to our lives, Lord God. We thank you for seven years, Lord God, a number of completion. Uh, seven years of marriage, Lord God. Thank you for keeping us, Lord God. Thank you for guiding us. Thank you for pushing us forward, Lord God. Thank you for your spirit and what he has done in our lives. We pray over this podcast. You pray over this episode. Lord God, let it flow with your spirit. Let it be a moment of vulnerability, Lord God. Let us find comfort in our vulnerability. Heavenly Father, we love you and we rejoice in you, and we thank you. And we, in your holy son, Jesus Christ's name, we pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_01

Amen. So basically, hubby, what we have done is prepared 10 questions, right? Ten questions for each other. We have not seen each other's questions. This is gonna be the first time that we're gonna be hearing these questions. But I do think before we get started, we should give them a little background information about us and how we met and just our story. I think I'll let you go first.

SPEAKER_00

I actually I think you should start.

SPEAKER_01

Really?

SPEAKER_00

Since I was the one that kind of I mean, you just you tell that part of the story.

SPEAKER_01

Well, gotcha. So um my husband and I met at school. We were 12 years old. Um, I don't even know how deep I should go with this. So basically, um, he was in fifth grade and I was in sixth grade. And he came and did like a shadow day. He was coming from another school, his brother was already at the school. Um, so everybody already already knew his brother. I was in class with his brother. Um, and he came and did a shadow day, and of course, everybody already knew, oh, this is Kenar's little brother. So everybody was kind of anticipating it. So basically, he came in the first at the first moment that I saw him, I was like, he is so so so cute. And I told everybody that he was gonna be mine, and um, basically, to this day, he is in fact mine. Now we went through the ringer, we were best friends, we were enemies, we were friends. He, you know, played around with me a lot. Um, you know, we were kids, we were kids. So you know how the whole crush thing goes, and one minute I like you, the next moment I like your friend, the next moment I like this person, that person, what have you. So um, that was that part of the story. Did I leave anything out?

SPEAKER_00

No, I think you pretty much covered, I guess, that aspect of our lives. Uh, it was a lot of in and out, back and forth. Um at one moment we're talking every day. At another moment we won't see each other, hear from each other for months or years almost really.

SPEAKER_01

You know, we never went years.

SPEAKER_00

You don't think so?

SPEAKER_01

I don't think we went years without talking. We probably got close to it, but I think through like Facebook and stuff, we would like randomly have those moments where we would message for like a week and then it would just fall off again. But we never went like a year. I don't think we ever went like a full year where I was.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, there wasn't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I don't think there was. And then um when did we get serious? Or when did we I can say my side, but you tell me on your side, when were you like, okay, I'm gonna actually be serious this time.

SPEAKER_00

So I can remember when you came to our to my graduation, because you had left and went to a different school, of course. Um, I can remember, I don't know, feeling some sort of emotion towards you. I didn't quite understand what it was at that point in time. Um but to say the least, I was interested. So I guess over that summer, you know, I reached out and you know, I guess set up a little bowling and longhorn date.

SPEAKER_01

I think it was red lobster.

SPEAKER_00

It was longhorn.

SPEAKER_01

Really?

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

So what did I get with lobster in it? Was there a pasta with lobster?

SPEAKER_00

They had a pasta. Uh it's not on their menu anymore, apparently, but it definitely was.

SPEAKER_01

Are you sure?

SPEAKER_00

Is it chilies?

SPEAKER_01

No, it wasn't chilies. I really think it was I dang.

SPEAKER_00

We went bowling.

SPEAKER_01

We went bowling.

SPEAKER_00

We went to Chili's. It was Chili's. It was that parking lot.

SPEAKER_01

It might have been Chili's. Look at us not remembering the first date. Our first official date. That's crazy. It's over 10 years ago at this point.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we went on that date, and I would say we both had a great time. It was a good date, and you know, I thought it was the start of something new, and she was apparently on a completely different page. I'll let her explain that aspect.

SPEAKER_01

Well, because of the rigor, right? Because of the rigmarole that you had going on over the time span, how many years would you say that was? That was seven years of you picking me up and putting me down and picking me up and putting me down. And I know y'all don't don't think I was just like this lost puppy, you know, waiting on him. Because I definitely because I I want to give you You were in the midst of your own relationships. I was, I definitely was, and I don't I don't want to make it seem like he was just just doing me so dirty. But I was always very, very, very interested in him. You know what I'm saying? Like I it was almost like these people are kind of like placeholders, but in his mind, he I don't know what I don't know what I was for you, but I just wanted to make it clear that he was not just like completely toying with me. I definitely had my own stuff going on too. And actually, I had just gotten out of a really, really, really bad breakup by the time he reached out to me um during that summer of when we graduated.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Well, what so what happened after the date, do you think? Like your thought process after that date? You never fit in the show.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I didn't explain. Um, yeah, so my thought process was you know, I just got out of this breakup. I know I really have always liked this guy, um, but he's always been, you know, playing around. So I'm just like, well, we're gonna see where this goes. Um right now, whatever it is, cool. We're hanging out, we're friends before anything else. We're just enjoying each other's company. Um, we had a really, really nice time on the date, and sure enough, I didn't pressure him for any relationship. I mean, I was always kind of wondering. Um, but didn't pressure him, or did you feel pressured at any point to to make us official, even though there's no such thing.

SPEAKER_00

What happened after the date is what I'm because there was there it wasn't like okay, we just started hanging out.

SPEAKER_01

We actually did.

SPEAKER_00

No, what happened? We went some months without talking. We went on that date and we went a while without talking. I actually can I actually remember the time I started talking about.

SPEAKER_01

You're right. No, you're right. Wow, you are absolutely right because our date was in the summer. We didn't start back talking until homecoming, which was in October. Right.

SPEAKER_00

And I'll say this in that in that moment after that date, I was ready to, I don't know, I guess maybe pursue a relationship. Not maybe, but I was definitely in the mindset of uh moving forward with a relationship.

SPEAKER_01

So what happened?

SPEAKER_00

I think, well, I don't know. You might have not thought I was taking it seriously or something.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't brush you off though, did I?

SPEAKER_00

I'm not gonna say you brushed me off. I think there was a a point in time where you you might have been you might have been in between dealing with somebody. Like in the moment we went on the date, you weren't dealing with anybody, but you might you know you were in a committed relationship probably soon before we went on that date. And then it may have rekindled or something, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

I can't recall if it rekindled, but it probably it was just a lot of drama.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

And I know you, and I knew you then. You never were with the drama necessarily. No. And I was always with drama, y'all like, and I think that you feel like that had a part to play in white, why you never I'm pretty sure there was a rekindling of a relationship and then a exploding of a relationship.

SPEAKER_00

Or is that another time? Is that not the same time, friend?

SPEAKER_01

Man, yeah, you're yeah, your memory is better than mine right now. Yeah, you're right. Because I'm my mind is putting all of what happened around October in the summer. That's what my mind is doing, so that's why I'm getting mixed up. But yeah, you're right. That's crazy. Yeah, you're right. So yeah, y'all, actually, yeah, that's why, that's why the we had a great date, but then I ended up falling back into the bad um situation. And then around October time is when it was officially over, like officially done. So how did we get here?

SPEAKER_00

How did we get here today? So through all the drama, you know, we kind of found our way back to each other. Um started talking, started hanging out, pretty much closed out the year from October through the rest of the year, just hanging out, kicking it.

SPEAKER_01

And then I think I college dorm life.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, dorm dorm lifestyle. So definitely not a lifestyle um worthy of glorifying at this moment.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

But it was it was it is just where we were. It's no sugar coating it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, partying, drinking, you know.

SPEAKER_01

Fornicating.

SPEAKER_00

Not at that time. Not yet.

SPEAKER_01

No, no, no, not yet. You're right. Not yet.

SPEAKER_00

But uh, yeah, soon after, yes.

SPEAKER_01

Um once we I can't even say that. It's not funny.

SPEAKER_00

I'll say this. Let's um we closed out that year, just living a party lifestyle. Uh, we'd hang out, hang out with my my friends. And you know, she kind of got closer with the people I hung around with, and we started dating, I guess, early the next year.

SPEAKER_01

January.

SPEAKER_00

And just looking at it from a lens of where we are now, it was just from the start, it was a constant introduction of sin. I guess for me specifically, um, well, fornicating for both of us, for me specifically, lust of the eyes, stepping outside of the agreement that we set in place numerous times.

SPEAKER_01

And I'ma I'ma explain why you say that really fast. Um, just because I kind of started to say it and then I got sidetracked. Um so what he means by agreement, he's saying like the boyfriend, girlfriend situation, which is something I want to briefly touch on. Boyfriend or girlfriend is not in the Bible. So there was like while we had an agreement, you know, you're my boyfriend, you're my girlfriend, it's a counterfeit that the devil created to make people believe that oh, this person belongs to me, but there's no there's no marriage, there's no covenant, so therefore, you know, because we're boyfriend and girlfriend, now we can have sex, no. Because we're boyfriend and girlfriend, now you can't talk to anybody else. No. I mean, when you're courting and then there's like a actual now I would say there is such thing as courting, and two people can have an understanding that okay, I'm taking this person serious, so I'm gonna focus my I'm gonna put my focus on this person, but as far as putting labels on it, the only label, the only legit label is husband and wife. So that's what he means by agreement. And he, you know, with the world recall, he he stepped out and he cheated a few times. A few times. So that's what he was saying.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so uh, yeah, constantly introducing lust into or introducing sin into our relationship, and it's the kind of thing that continued throughout our dating phase. And you know, we we continued to press on, we continued to date, buried issues, because we weren't really working through any of them. Uh, and continued that college lifestyle, continued the partying, the drinking, the arguing, the arguing. Well, it was pretty toxic. I wasn't, I've never been much of a I guess vocalist is a a decent word, and this is not funny, but um there'd be moments where you know she's kind of pouring her heart out to me, dealing with a lot of negative emotions, and you know, I would just sit there in silence, and she could be speaking directly to me, and I would just ignore her. Um, so yeah, a lot of a lot of hurt that was introduced, a lot of I would say trauma. Yeah. Pretty much, but we continue to press on, bury the things that was going on with us, or that was happening within our relationship, not attacking anything spiritually or through Christ, not attacking anything through prayer, just living life.

SPEAKER_01

Living life, just out here, just doing what we want, just allow basically our relationship and our lives was the devil's playground. And um I would say the last time that you cheated, right? That one was huge because of who it was. And I kind of felt like y'all played like in my face. Well, no, y'all, y'all played in my face. And um basically, you know, at that point, up until that point, I had never officially broke up with him, but I actually broke up with him this time, and I'm like, dude, I started to get frustrated because I'm like, here I am being dedicated to this person, and I have all of these other guys that want to talk to me, but I'm being dedicated to this person that won't be dedicated to me. So I, you know, went on my Twitter at the time and went through my DMs and I went through and found who I thought was the cutest guy and I messaged him and I I did I tell you about it when I did it or yeah. So I I did it. Did I do it in front of you?

SPEAKER_02

Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_01

No, I did. I did. I told you I was about to do it, and then I got on the bed, covered up and did it. I got under covers and then did it.

SPEAKER_00

I thought you had left when in your car did it.

SPEAKER_01

I think I started to con converse with the person, but I think the initial response was done um while we were still on campus or while we while I was still in your room. And um, you know, I um communicated with that person for some time and then you know, of course, him and I continued to communicate and actually we ended up pregnant shortly after all of that had gone down. And so at this point, we are pregnant, not boyfriend and girlfriend, not in the best place. Um, of course, I had to cut off the guy because I'm like, okay, life just got real, it's no longer a joke. Um, you know, of course, neither one of us is like gonna want to bring a child into a broken home. Um, because at the end of the day, it was I was almost like, like I said, life got real. So it's like, okay, yeah, we're going through this, but we're gonna have to figure it out. Um we're gonna have to get married. Not have to, like, we just had to get married, but we knew basically I knew he was my person, he knew I was his person. It was just time to get serious at this point, no more foolishness, whatever that looked like, because we still weren't in Christ, but what we thought that was going to look like, and um basically what happened was you know, we found out we were pregnant. Um, I had been having like a lot of issues, but I did not have my cycle, and I was having a lot of pain, and basically what ended up happening was we went to I ended up having to go to the emergency room. I was about six and a half weeks pregnant, and um, I ended up having an ectopic pregnancy, so um they considered that not viable, and I had to go through a surgery because of how far along I was. If you were earlier in the pregnancy, you could just take a pill and you know it'll you know terminate the pregnancy that way. But because of where the baby was, which was a super rare case, y'all. This is gonna have to be a whole nother testimony on a whole nother episode, but um basically ended up losing the baby, and because we had already made plans to get married, um, you wanna say what you told me in the hospital? Um, or do you want to say what I said to you and then what you said to me?

SPEAKER_00

So in that hospital, we were, you know, she was in pain. Uh, we weren't seen by the doctor yet, or she didn't have any x-rays or um anything of that nature. And we were kind of sitting in that little that little holding room or that waiting. It wasn't, it's not the the main waiting area. It's a separate room. Um, we were sitting in there and she just kind of told me um something to the effect of I can't remember the exact words, but it was I understand if you don't want to marry me anymore, or if you don't want to be with me anymore, or something like that, right?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I said I understand if because at this point I knew that there was something wrong. And um, I think in the last episode I was telling you guys how the enemy just really had me believe that I was not gonna be able to have kids. So in that moment, because of what I was experiencing, I told him, I was like, listen, I know you want a big family, I know you want a lot of kids. Um, and if this is gonna be my life, I don't want to hold you back in life. And I'm like, you don't have to feel like you have you you don't have to feel like you have to stick around. Um, I know what you want out of life, and what did you say?

SPEAKER_00

I said I was still planning on marrying you. Yeah, like that didn't Yeah, I wasn't I I honestly don't know if it if it would have made a difference or not, but in my mind, I didn't have a thought that she wouldn't be able to have children. So that kind of wasn't a factor in my mind.

SPEAKER_01

I knew Even with me telling you that, what I said?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean it's kind of honestly it's almost like I didn't hear it. Like it didn't even register in my mind as being a thing. So I don't I really don't know if it would have changed anything or not, but I knew I knew I wanted to marry you. I knew I wanted to do right by you. Um so yeah, I said, I said, I still plan on marrying you. So yeah, you went through you went through the surgery.

SPEAKER_01

My first surgery ever in life. And you were right there by my side. And I'm I'm gonna just be honest, y'all. I'm just be honest. When I say he was right there by my side, I literally mean like. Every step of the way, like, and you know, of course, still living with my parents, but we didn't get in that predicament by doing nothing. So everybody is already understanding that this is the only person that can actually help me in the way that I need to be helped. Wrong, absolutely, but in the time frame where we were, we're not in Christ. He was the only one, the only one that could help me in the way that I needed to be helped. Um, that could care for me in the way that I need to be cared for because of the type of surgery that it was. I was in a lot of pain. I needed help pretty much doing everything for the first couple of days, right? Yeah, so he was he was my right-hand man, and to this day, I would never forget. I mean, at this point, I didn't have three kids from him, um, with him, and you know, same type of care because it's while the um, you know, the surgery for the ectopic pregnancy is a little le it's a it's a lot less, it's not as much. Um, it's still the same type of care. So at this point, he's been my rock in four no five because I have my wisdom teeth pulled too. Um, but yeah, like he's he's just been there for me. Um, and I know for my mom, her seeing him care for me in that way, like it it will still bring her to tears today if we brought it up, because it was so genuine and so pure, and you could really feel how much he loved me. I could really feel how much you loved me in that time, in that time frame.

SPEAKER_00

Um, I would like to say about the speaking on the comment about you or us not living Christ-centered life or following Christ. Um it's not like we didn't know the rules. And we were willing, we were willing in living in sin. I mean, I grew up in the church. My daddy, my daddy's a pastor.

SPEAKER_01

Um I mean, we went to Christian schools.

SPEAKER_00

We both went to Christian schools.

SPEAKER_01

Privy school.

SPEAKER_00

We both went to Christian schools. Like we we under we understood very early on, at least the basic standard knows behind living a Christ in the life. And we absolutely we decided to do our own thing. Yeah, we decided not to. Um and as you can see, or as we've told you, it's kind of very early on um into our I guess child bearing childbearing lives, we dealt with a lot of complications. So um how old were we 21, 21 years?

SPEAKER_01

If it was 2018, yeah. We were 22. We were 20, 22 years old. I was about to be 23, that upcoming March. Yeah, we were young.

SPEAKER_00

So, I mean, that's kind of if that can enlighten any of you, um who is kind of seasoned in in the faith and still deciding to just live that own righteous lifestyle or finding the justification to do things that is outside of the will of God. And it's honestly that simple. It's like, okay, things aren't meant to be as complicated as we make them. Well, for example, trying to toe the line as much as you possibly can. It's like, uh it doesn't, it doesn't quite work. Because I mean, at the end of the day, we know that um just any deviation from the will of God is is sin. So any justification we make is sin. So um and those sins come with consequences, and we have consequences. We dealt with them early. We dealt with them very early.

SPEAKER_01

Very, very early. Um you know, so you know, fast forward because all of that happened in December of 2018. That was 2018 when we lost, when we lost the baby. Um we ended up getting married in May of 2019. Um the night before our wedding. I'm just gonna say we it was insane. And thank the Lord for everyone involved that helped us pull it together, but we were in the process of sending a text message to let everybody know that we were no longer, were we saying that we were no longer getting married or we were just postponing, or were we just we weren't getting married the next day. Yeah, we were, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

For sure.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um, it was it was just like I said, like we said, like we both said, very, very, very toxic. Um and that was that was probably one of the most toxic one of the most toxic nights that we've had together.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah, it was it was definitely eventful. And honestly, I don't was it was it my mom who came? She came?

SPEAKER_01

Mm-hmm. No, she was there. She was there because part of the stress, okay, so we didn't want basically I was a I'm I'm gonna put I'm gonna put this on me for right now. I was a very rebellious child. Um, and I had gotten to a point where I no longer now I mean I I was a young adult. Like I said, I was I was 22, 23, but of course, you know, I felt like I had it all figured out at the time, and um, you know, he was still in college, and I also was in college, but I did not have a dorm room, he still had his dorm room, but being that we were gonna be getting married, um I was ready to move out, and I did not want to basically neither one of us wanted to shack up, so that kind of sped up our getting married process because I'm like, okay, I need to move. You're about to start another semester. Um, you didn't keep your room. That yeah, so he he decided, you know, at this point we're about to move in together. So part of the stress was we were just moving into our apartment, but we were getting married. Um, we didn't want a wedding, but we ended up having like a small um ceremonial type of thing at a park, but and then you know, afterwards, of course, we were gonna have everybody over just to fellowship and whatnot. So part of the stress was getting our apartment together. Um to host, to host, and it just wasn't getting together, and he was finding everything else to do, and honestly, I I probably was too, probably, like, probably not even really locking in how I needed to, but regardless, you just were not hands-on much, and it was making me upset, right? You're playing the game, um, you know, just not taking it serious, and I'm like, and then I think I also didn't have a dress yet, or I didn't like the dress I had, whatever the case was. It was just a lot of stress, and that those things just kept piling up and piling up and piling up, and it caused us to blow up. Well, it caused me to blow up, and in turn, you know, he didn't his version of blowing up because he's not a blow up type of guy, but it just I was already on ready set, and I like I like I said y'all, I I don't even know if I said this, but I was a very, very, very toxic individual. And if you want to talk about tantrums, screaming, cussing, yelling, I didn't I didn't hit you. But I have hit in the past, didn't hit him. That was something he said from the very beginning that he was not tolerating, so that was one thing I never did, but um we'll get we'll get there, we'll get to the never part, but um, you know, just very, very, very toxic. That night was horrible to the point where we were about to cancel everything.

SPEAKER_00

Cause we used to get into it. I'll say we never really argued. I never argued, ever, really. So our version of getting into it was us talking until I got tired of talking, and then she's trying to get me to talk, so I'm not talking, but I'm not talking anymore. And she kind of storms out. So yeah, that's that's just I mean, it's it's toxic six it's a toxic situation. Yeah, but yeah, thank God for thank God for my mom for I guess helping getting things set up the way we needed it to be.

SPEAKER_01

Um just calming calming down the situation, yeah, talking to us and up here.

SPEAKER_00

We got married the next day, so so I guess it all worked out.

SPEAKER_01

And shout out to shout out to your people for really for everybody that knew what was going on.

SPEAKER_00

Shout out to them for acting like none of that had taken place the next day.

SPEAKER_01

Um because there was there, you know, of course, I think I'm pretty sure my mom knew what was going on. It y'all, this stuff was so long ago and so toxic, and we're such different people now that like that's why we're like talking through these details because it's almost like it's night and day. It's night and day. Like our our little spat that we had last week, it's like I'm like, wow, we actually got through that without raising our voices or anything. I mean, we were both pretty heated, but it didn't, it didn't escalate. It didn't escalate and it really could have. And it was it it's night and day, y'all. Night and day. And and when I say spat, when I tell you we don't even have we don't we don't argue. No, we don't, we don't argue. Like we have discussions, you know, but we don't we don't argue, so that is it's incredible. Um, so yeah, like that's I really believe that's why some of our memory in some of these things is like we're having to like pull from each other because it's it's crazy. Um so yeah, we we got married on May 19th. Of course, this episode is dropping May 17th, but um, and we're we're still saying seven years because it's just two days out, but um, yeah, we got married on May 19th, 2019. Um you want to talk about kind of like the state that we were in when we did get married, or should I go first, like to kind of preface what we're about to say next. Or did you want to go first?

SPEAKER_00

I can go first. Okay. Um, I'll say when we got married. It seemed as if which we were so unaware of anything, but it seemed as if everything was okay. Um we were in a great spot financially.

SPEAKER_01

Um great spot.

SPEAKER_00

Great spot. You know, we how can I explain this? We weren't we were in a great spot financially, we felt like we were good, and it seemed like everything was going okay, and then all of a sudden, it seemed like there was a shift in I'll say you for sure, where you had kind of gotten into this this state where I'll call it, I'll call it a double whammy. Um you had gotten into the state because at the point at this point in time you're still doing hair heavily. Um you were trying to start up multiple businesses actually at the time. I call it a double whammy. It was like you were spending money like no other, and while at the same time you just could not bring yourself to work as much.

SPEAKER_01

I mean as much, because I was still taking clients.

SPEAKER_00

I remember specifically it was about once or twice a month, max.

SPEAKER_01

Oh no, no, no, I'm telling you once or twice a month, twice a month.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, okay, but yeah, you had gotten into the state where you just you weren't your normal self. You weren't the person that I that I you know thought I knew. Um you weren't as bubbly, you weren't as energetic, you weren't as ambitious. It seemed like shortly after we got married, it was like you it was like this cliff that you just jumped off of. You know, at the time I was unknowledgeable of it or how to deal with it, but you know, I know now you were in a state of depression, um, and I'll let you kind of explain those factors.

SPEAKER_01

So to start, you know, our whole relationship, like pretty like really from the beginning, you know, has been the the cheating, right? And um so you got that, so that was like three years worth of that.

SPEAKER_00

That was another thing too. Intimacy just just stopped, essentially, at that time too.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically when we got married, and that's gonna be a whole and that's a that's something to talk about. But basically when we got married, intimacy stopped. Complete attack from the enemy, because that's what he does. Um, but basically, you know, our whole relationship, the cheating, and then the last go-round, and then the the pregnancy, the loss of the baby. Y'all, I am I am the type of person that you know, I'm not even gonna claim that with myself right now. I was the type of person that did not cope with things, so I to protect myself and my emotions, I would bury them, um, bury things instead of attacking them, dealing with them head on, like actually allowing myself to feel emotion and actually process what's going on in my mind, my body, you know, just I would just keep going as if whatever version of that that I was, I would just try to keep pushing through. And um basically what that happened was I didn't deal with any of the trauma that took place, the cheating, the loss of the baby, just the mishandling of honestly. I'm I would say I mishandled him in some in some areas too. So, like the mishandling of each other, um, just all of the demonic things that was taking place up until we got married, never fully processed them. First of all, I'm gonna say this now, knowing what depression is, I would say I've probably dealt with depression a lot of my life, like a good portion of my life, but at that point, it was like I now have this person that can see me. So it's like I can't I can't hide what I'm going through because I mean this is this is my husband, this is this is my other half. So he's feeling and seeing these things, and he doesn't know what he's seeing and feeling, he just knows my wife is different. This person that I knew, I don't know if I know her, like what's going on, like and yeah, it was it was it was depression, and at the time, um you know, I we were going to the same school, Savannah State, and at the time I had made my first D, right? Like the the whatever the course was, I made a D. And that I was just like, I'm done. Like I'm I stopped going to Savannah State at that point because it was the summer, the summer classes. Um, at that point, it was like I don't even feel like I'm going to school for me at this point. So I just stopped going to school. Um, and you know, according to my husband, I was only taking one or two clients a month. I don't remember it being that scarce, but it, you know, I I don't know. I was probably just floating in that time frame. So if he's saying two clients a month max, and that's probably what it was, honestly. And I do remember spending a lot of money. I do remember trying to make myself happy through buying things. Um, and like he said, the intimacy stopped. There was a lot that came with that. Um, on first and foremost, the enemy's gonna attack you there when you get married. Um, first of all, we both wish that we would have saved ourselves from marriage. Um not even just with each other, but like literally for each other to have been each other's first. Because of course we've had relationships um and dealings with other people prior, but above that, like we really wish we would have been each other's first. It's it's God's natural way for so many reasons. That could be a whole nother topic as well. We're probably gonna be doing a few marriage uh podcast episodes because there's so much to unpack. Um and I don't want to get too I don't I don't want to get too far off topic, but um, you know, of course, all of this is pivotal information. So um we're gonna we're gonna get to that, but just not in this episode. But we do we do wish that we were each other's first one and only the way that God intended it um to be. But um I think one of the things you said was I kind of like left you to fend for yourself when it came to meals.

SPEAKER_00

Um which was really tough of me because I was working nights. I was working overnight at the time because I I was still in school. And um it wasn't like there was grocery we didn't we didn't do a lot of grocery shopping, hardly ever really.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't cook like that.

SPEAKER_00

We didn't cook. Well, we did cook.

SPEAKER_01

A little bit, but no, we cooked.

SPEAKER_00

We we were pretty good at cooking. I think the issue was we there wasn't a lot of preparation. So when we're both at home, if I'm off, you know, uh one weekend I'll be off. The next week I'm off on a Tuesday and a third, something crazy, crazy scheduling. But when I was home, we did a great job at cooking. Um we didn't we we do we did eat out, but it wasn't we had a lot.

SPEAKER_01

We did DoorDash and Uberies.

SPEAKER_00

We did do DoorDash and Uber's every day.

SPEAKER_01

I know I did. That was part of the issue, hubby. Like I was like getting my own stuff delivered and because I was home. I was home by myself. We only had one car. That was part of it too. We only had the one car.

SPEAKER_00

We weren't doing grocery shopping.

SPEAKER_01

Um like, yeah, you're getting off topic.

SPEAKER_00

We weren't doing grocery shopping. I think I don't think we we did terribly as far as like cooking goes, but we weren't cooking how we were supposed to because there were no groceries, and so that left me kind of like you know, I get off at seven, I come home, I'm I go to class. Well, I I rest for probably an hour or so, and then I go to class, and then I get out of class, and and after that class, I would get the rest that I would need for work that night. So when I would kind of wake up for work, everything was closed. There was really nothing for me to eat. I was kind of essentially kind of limited to um convenience stores or like laid open fast food places. Laid open fast food, like, and I would have to rush to try to get McDonald's or something like that because everything else was closed. So there was there was definitely some neglect there in those moments. And I will say, I'll say this, I didn't know how to deal with that. I didn't have any knowledge of it. Or, you know, in my mind, it's kind of like emotions, and this is kind of this is who I am throughout my life. Emotions are buried. I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve. I never talked about anything if I was dealing with something. So it's kind of like I approached my wife in that same in that same sense. So when I saw this major drop-off in her, it was kind of one of those situations where in my mind I was like, okay, she has to deal with this. She has to function in spite of. And when it wasn't happening, I I kinda I blamed you for it.

SPEAKER_01

And you know We never talked about it either.

SPEAKER_00

No, never.

SPEAKER_01

Neither one of us was talking about what was going on in our minds.

SPEAKER_00

Never, and that's that's the enemy um operating operating in both of us. You know, her depressive state and my just state of silence and isolation naturally just led to. that to this moment where we're about to bring up now where I um I decided to step out physically in our marriage pretty early in too it was three months into our marriage I stepped out it was a ongoing thing for when did when did it when did I find out probably October right somewhere around that time I mean we celebrated my birthday mm-hmm yeah so October yeah it was October probably late October so it went on for about three months yeah and I'll you can continue from there yeah so um basically I just you know I found out and it was I just remember feeling a shift at some point and I remember texting our brother at one point and I was like there's no way that William is being faithful to me right now.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't even remember I sent that text to him but he remembered you know of course when everything came out of you know what was going on um because you know as a woman really as as anyone but as a woman you kind of know basically I found out and you know earlier I said I never put my hands on him that was the one time I put my hands on him I said some really um what I felt at the time were warranted things to him at the time I want to say like as everything was coming out I had a feeling that I was pregnant right because I was having those you know when you when you well you don't know but women y'all know the little twinges that you feel and whatnot um it just slightly feels it feels slightly different than before your cycle comes on so started to feel like I was pregnant um like I could be pregnant and sure enough I was I was pregnant and um we went through another loss this one was a miscarriage and you know before all of that I remember one of the things that I told him while I was you know yelling at him cursing at him hitting him going off you know losing it losing my mind I told him I would never have a baby with you remember I said that to you that was that was one of the things I know that was one of the things I said to you because I I basically was like I'm not I'm not doing it like I'm done with you like this is it I'm done at that point my mind was made up I'm done I don't even believe in what I said but I'm like I am not doing this with you because I really I'm not doing it um and you know I told you I remember I said that you were the devil um just just a lot of things that I said and at that point my mind was made up that this is it I'm done like I'm not I I can't do it anymore. Um and at this point you know the state of mind that I'm in I'm like revenge so you know I in turn you know the same person that I reached out to back in I think it was the year prior right yeah because that was just 2019. So the year prior um reached out back to him and you know essentially you know I was I was still married so I stepped out of my marriage as well um physically and complete mess complete mess it was a very crazy time for the both of us nothing that we're proud of at all I actually think this is a perfect a perfect point to kind of introduce my first question that I have for you okay but hold on a second we are about an hour in so I do think that this is a good pausing point to give everybody a little cliffhanger like I said we're gonna be doing 10 questions apiece and as y'all can see he wants to go first so make sure y'all tune in next week for Wan of Virtue season one episode eight Beauty from Broken Vows part two yeah you don't want to miss it God has a way of restoring dead things and we just want you guys to hear the story because we feel like it's so impactful um it's been impactful to our lives how we make our decisions even today um how we decide to how we decide to move how we decide to think how we deal with each other right I mean everything everything all encompassing yeah so yeah please don't miss part two yeah um before we end this episode if there's anything that you guys may have heard in this episode anything that makes y'all want to get closer to Christ I know we really didn't get to the meat the meat meat just yet but if there's anything at all that just makes you want to know the God that we serve the God that has brought us through all of that to see where we are today um if y'all want to know the God that restores the God that heals I want to offer you guys um the opportunity to say this prayer of repentance and salvation I'm gonna go ahead and do that if you guys are watching this on YouTube I'm gonna put the prayer on the screen and if not if you are listening to this on any other streaming platform um I'm gonna take some pauses so that you guys can repeat after me. Okay so dear Heavenly Father I am a sinner in desperate need of a savior I believe what your word says in John 316 and Lord I thank you for loving me this much I repent right now for my sins and for breaking your laws I genuinely ask for your forgiveness I believe that Jesus Christ is your Son who has died on the cross for my sins I believe that he rose on the third day for my victory I now declare and receive Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. May the blood of Jesus speak on my behalf from this day forward. Thank you for seeking after me and accepting me into your kingdom. Amen. Alright guys so we're about to really jump into the meat of things in this next episode so make sure you guys tune in next week for One of Virtue season one episode eight Beauty from Broken Vows. Alright guys see y'all next week bye