I Was Angry at God After What Happened to Me | TRC Podcast

In this episode of the TRC Podcast Church Hurt & Church Gain series, Abby shares her deeply personal journey of pain, faith, healing, and restoration.

Abby opens up about a traumatic experience involving a family member that left her struggling with difficult emotions and questions about God. Although she believes God protected her, the experience deeply affected her faith and relationship with church.

For a long time, Abby found herself angry at God and distant from church. But over time, she began a journey of healing that led her back to faith, community, and purpose.

Today, Abby serves as a church youth leader, participates in the praise and worship team, and continues to grow as a businesswoman and university graduate.

This conversation is a powerful reminder that healing is possible, faith can be restored, and your story doesn't have to end where your pain began.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I was nearly re by someone close to me.

SPEAKER_05 0:03

This person alikwamtuwamunguakawaida.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Yeah, alikum tua mungu. Of course. You would find a church leader, akokwa the executives, apokwa secretary, I don't know what do we call them? Church secretary, church treasurer, any child Church Elder. Eh church elder. The person is married. Like any yo. Yo, yo. Yo.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

Yo.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Yo.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

Another day, another episode. My name is Jambura Mongi and I am Ruth Tengecha. It's fun. It's real. It's honest.

SPEAKER_05 0:35

It's a TRC podcast. Hi guys, welcome to another episode of the Church Heart Stroke Church Gain episode. And today we have a very special guest. She's a lady that I met, I think, two years ago. And I've known her from my church. She's an entrepreneur. She's a singer. She's the next Kestin Bogo. I remember telling her you have Kestin Bogo inside of you. Because when she praises and worships, they are in the church. Because she's my person who I know from church. And I'm banga kuimba Kuiimba. Yeah? Unaskiya roho ame shuka. She's an entrepreneur. She runs a business, uh, meal prep business. So after this, please ensure to take her page there, TikTok, Instagram, and even the number to contact her for your meal preps. The person who has the the charum beta heaven inside her. Miss Abigail. Abigail.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Hi. How are you Abby? I'm good. Thank you so much, Ruth and Carol. I am I'm so honored, honestly. Yeah. And surprised.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Surprised. Surprised, why? Surprised, KV.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

It was just a surprise.

SPEAKER_05 2:11

And I think that you're really cool.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

You're the coolest, according to me, really. Stop.

SPEAKER_05 2:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:16

Thank you. You're so pretty. Anyway, me and met a big girl two seconds ago. Pia me. We met her some weeks ago. And girl, the first time I met you, I was just like, even with the topic show, the guy is the talents. It was so cool. It was so good. You are beautiful. And then to know you do this meal prep thing here, I was like, my God. Multitalented. Ms. Sandry. Sandry. She's done preaching in church on Sunday. Funny enough. Yeah. Because the times I came, I came to teach the teens. So like the whole worship. Kiniya chanikupat and is key kama rowana shukanga u kwili.

SPEAKER_05 3:10

Hey Malicia. Bembeangu Ume Diomana.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Nina uhakika. Nita chinda. Mimi chyba.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

Praise the living God.

SPEAKER_05 3:39

Oh my god, that was beautiful. Thank you. She's also, she's also, let me say this, Ale Rida. Yeah. And nobody knew. And then remember there's a time that her mom came to church. And then the mom, the mom is a reverend. She's like, yeah, my daughter is a lay reader. And then Reverend Parina was just like, what do you mean? It's wedding.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

It's well, you know. Reverend Parin not knowing the name of the whole church.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Daya go the only youth skin, Alex, Kina Linda.

SPEAKER_05 4:06

And then I remember there's a time Reverend Parina looku. And then you were just like, Ruth, why didn't you tell me? I was just like, because she told me and she didn't tell me to share. So I was just like, it's not my business to share someone else's information. She was like, Kenny Ruth, you knew. I knew, but ako semana.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

You really, you do look like a private person.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Yeah, mimi, I'm I'm a very lucky person. You wouldn't even notice that um I'm in a room. I've always been the quiet kid, the quiet teenager, the quiet one in the classroom. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

No, to kaundi wanako multi-talented. Now look, she can cook, she can lay, read, she can sing, she can. Hey, she can. She's an actuary, I think.

SPEAKER_05 4:48

Teputuwa meaning actuarial science.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

I graduated last year. Uh I did actual science and I'm an aspiring actuary. And I also want to open my own actual firm in the next 10 years when I become a qualified actuary. You know, actu actual firms like Zamara, uh Arctex, yeah, such firms.

SPEAKER_03 5:14

Question. Question. Actuarial science in the entail, Mimi?

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Uh mostly it's uh it's it's about insurance, calculating risks, calculating premiums, and also pensions, everything about insurance. Yeah, um, endowment funds, uh, it's just everything about insurance, pensions, life insurance. Where to u ki ukisia insurance? Joe It's actual science that is going that is involved. Question. Yeah. B plus.

SPEAKER_03 5:49

D for dog. D for dog. We are not tired of it, but that's what happened. So to tapanya nini. It was not us the lakini we liku kubali, clearly.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

I mean, pending maths. Lakini uh uh eh maths teacher in high school kunavenye alikua natu. Kimbiza. Eh, natu kimbiza, lakini, he he was a very nice teacher. Alafu pia after during the period of korona, I really studied a lot. So I feel like if I did not study it, I mean a korona tangepata bi. But I I loved math. Maybe life is maths. Is it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

Like in maybe the field you're going into just we are not calculating the distance when the car goes 200 kilometers. Because the car is going 500 kilometers per hour. Sidri calculate.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

Yeah, I was just done. But you will use it uh in in your daily life when you're driving.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

You know, like a takama. Kwa za zile ma saliza ten bucks will na five another page wuna calculate calculate hey, I pana saying any too much. But anyway, for our church hearts and church gains series. And clearly, you're a woman of God. When him to najuana na God, he's your friend, nini nini. But I would like to know, like, ukilele wa kto kua a little girl, like um your mom is a reverend, right? So, like, how did you grow up? In what church did you grow up? Which denomination were you introduced to? Uli kuja kujua mungwa, because obviously mtuakua young, ule ni mese mumtuwa na baptizon amugu maju, but you don't even know what's going on. So, like, what was that transition? Like, ulianza chatganiu can judge. Then when did you discover hey, this guy called God? Kumbiana kuang. Aki karu mkwa ta ku shapes.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Radita shuka.

SPEAKER_05 8:04

He loves me. I'm just messing with you.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Anyway, I was raised in an Anglican church. I was baptized in an Anglican church, and then I was confirmed. So, kwa confirmation in an Anglican church, it's simply partaking the Holy Communion. So, uh yeah, so all my life I've I've just been in an Anglican church, and then two years ago, I think 2023, it's when I became a lay reader.

SPEAKER_03 8:32

How is that process like? Unafika ku kua lay reader?

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Uh okay, I was very active in church through praise and worship and mentoring teens. So uko kwe to Malindi Diocese, it's uh the the elders of our church vetted me. They vetted me to the bishop, and then uh I was commissioned now in 2023, the youngest reader. I was 20 years old. 80. Yeah, 20. So I ni mamboya God Lakini, I came to know God on a personal level my whole life. Ruth Ruth, uh, I've uh I've been opening up to her. I'm not someone who opens up, but she has given me a very safe space. So I've gone through a lot of traumatic experiences, honestly, and I have seen the hand of God. Yeah, that is all I can say.

SPEAKER_03 9:35

You have seen in um a live life, yeah, live life, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

Like I was just like, eh, this was just God's divine intervention, and that is how I got to know him on a personal level, even beyond even beyond me being a reader, but me personally, through my trauma very traumatic experiences, Abby, you've talked about like uh a traumatic incident happening to you that made you believe the hand of God.

SPEAKER_05 10:09

Are you willing to share or telling us what exactly that happened to you that made you believe in the presence of God?

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Yeah, yeah. Uh I'm just going to say one traumatic experience.

SPEAKER_05 10:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

I was nearly by someone close to me and it it did not happen. Something just happened in here. I can just say it was God's intervention, honestly. Yeah. Some a miraculous thing happened that I don't want to go into detail. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:49

Thank God.

SPEAKER_05 10:50

First of all, thank God. First of all, thank God. You are great. Yeah, you know. And I'm so sorry that happened to you. And this person, it's a curious question, absolutely. This person, I lookamtuamung, wakawida. Yeah, alukumtuamung. Of course. Yeah. But of course.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

Actually, lifanya di ni ni atani. Okay, there was a time when I was in campus, niliacha kwenda church, when I joined campus. I joined campus in 2021. That period, uh okay, that was a year before the incident happened. So niliacha kwenda church juya hyo, and then ni kansasusa kwenda church. Now I started going to St. Matthew's 2024. Now that was three years. After. Three years away from church. Yeah. But I was just praying like inletu, CND church, because of the hypocritical people that are in the church.

SPEAKER_05 11:54

And when you say hypocritical people, I have two questions. One, during this period that you are not going to church after this person has done this to you, what is going through your mind in terms of like how you feel about God, how you feel about church, how you feel about our toate our canisa? And then when you say hypocritical people from church, would you explain to me what you mean by that? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

So with question one, actually, I was not angry about God. Wow. That's true. Because God was really there for me that he did not get to, he did not get the chance to do that bad act to me. Yeah. But I was just angry at the people in the church. Yeah. That's all. The people in the church, uh, predators in the church, wanaume maybe you're a sexual object. Because when a kuana they undress you. So you kitu ilkwa immenu meza sana.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

Say it. Neil. Okay. There's someone from our church. I know who it is. Do we know who it is? You do, you do it. And you know it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:06

You know it, and I'm gonna tell you after this episode. I know his name. Yeah. Yeah. You know him. This guy, literally, a mekujaku, like a many times, like an akuja na niambe. Apa to koko in the presence of the canisa. Yeah. And an yambbeati, oh, you're so beautiful, you're so like so hot. I think that time he told another friend of mine from church, I've undressed you in my mind. So to go the grounds of our church, see up any church, and then I pa like ni places your teens and everything. Then this is the kitchen and then the old sanctuary. So to some apakwa parking lot. This guy andambe a f kiangu at him, I've undressed you. And I've undressed you in my mind. I wanna sleep with you. And then you expect some in drink someone when you need gulli ball. Yeah. Atasama, ukunta kuja kanisa quili tela, you know. But like for my friend, I look like this is a sick person, akakuja, akasema. So like that this specific guy, that and can bear Victor so very many times. And I'm gonna Victor, Victor, Victor's yang, he doesn't live. Victor is impartial. He's impartial. But no, but Victor's done something about it. Like um too, like ananga, like anakate to tutotudogo.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

And I've tried, I've done so many things to get him out, but but what if I feel like you don't have reverence for God. Reverence for God ni le fear because you respect that person. Yani uko kwa nyumbayake, where he has gathered all his children to come and worship him, and that is what you're doing in his compound.

SPEAKER_05 14:32

And then, like mini kwa like alafukujo wambe wambia mungura koni said after you've done that to his children in his house, they're sick.

SPEAKER_03 14:39

Now, such people in the utapata and say, why am I getting fired? Yeah, because that girl went home and cried to God about you. That is why, you know. Yeah. So, like, how did you? I find it really interesting how you were able to separate that person's actions from the characters of God. Because mostly in those situations of which because people wako in pain and they don't know any better. Warashkani says of it to be one amount. You know, how exactly how are you able to separate the two things? Is it that Ulko Shakwana relationship with God beforehand? So you knew he was not like that, how because that is very rare.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

It's because God is good, and as as I previously said, that uh God is a democratic God. Definitely. He is not a dictator, so uh God is a God of choices. So I I I just believe that it's this man's choice that led to him wanting to even think of doing something like that to me. Alafu Pia, I also said that mungu yosikwali nyo nekania something miraculous just happened, so I I was not I was not mad at mad at God. I I think I would be mad at God if it happened it happened, but it did not. So mimi ni at that time I was I was Nil kwazile as a mimi nikonamungu, like ni mambia church. Nimeacha. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

Ume left church, like left God.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

So Nika Nika Rudi, and since that day, Nilipo, the first day I attended Saint Matthew's, I knew that this is now my that that is home. Yeah. That is why I found people like Ruth, Nime Patana na Kina Alex, uh very nice people. Like, I just love my church.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

I love my church.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

I can't wait for Sunday.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

Yeah, but your church is usually so homey. Like attackamasiuko member. The first time last year, I think uh around February, thereabout. And everyone is just so welcoming, everyone is just so wow, makuja kufunza teens, nini ni ni. Like everyone was so friendly except that one person we are talking about. But that's besides the point. Besides the point, breathe in, breathe out, Ruth. Calm down. Drag. Drag. Yeah, like everyone. I think churches in a far qua hivo.

SPEAKER_05 17:06

Um, there's a question that I want to ask and I want all of us to answer. It's just it was among the questions that I asked you. When you talk about the hypocrisy that is in churches, what would you say? Or could you give like examples of some of the hypocrisies that are in church?

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Okay, you you would find a church leader, a kwa the executives, apokwa secretary, I don't know, what do we call them? Church secretary, church treasurer, church elder. Eh, church elder. The person is married. Like any yo. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Ana katia, no konje. I do shangata wanakati nata kanisani and you're like, na badu tasimama you start addressing us, utasi mama o unatubire about God, utasi mama, maybe you lead us into worship. That is so bad. We you need to have reverence for God, honestly. Kamaha wogopi anything, ogopa mungu. Ogopatu mungu.

SPEAKER_05 18:05

There's a time Reverend Parina Likona niambyanga, like uh like kama ukyon nam to like a point, like Adia wopi kufanya some things in in church, like the humanity in them. There's something he said. Humanity in them is they are correct. You ate that with that. That's the exact word Reverend Parina said. He said, like, the conscience of that person is dead. Like a keyza kufanya vituzing kwa kanisa, like conscience yaake, gone.

SPEAKER_03 18:30

I think in the vilemtu na konga naakoka sautika na kuambia, even when you're doing something wrong, kura kitu kwa kili na konga kikuambia le ikitu di wrong. When that sound is not there anymore, o mefika mwisho, labda yesu waku kuje mwenyye na miko nakay. You are you are at the edge. Uh, mimi example hypocrisy within the church ning. Una patam se the Bible in akwangana are very distinct way of describing how a Christian is supposed to act. So as much as tunambiangwa, like you should righteously judge, you should preach to people, you should like come to anafay kitu wong, of course, uta mwambiana nafanya kiturong. Like in there is a part of the Bible where it says like a Christian should be kind, they should be welcoming, they should be like unafaku, unaptu your space, yeah, kujifung. Like you should not be a mean person, basically. But sisa unapatanga, most church elders, let me say specifically, church elders, they will eat me up on the internet. Most church elders ni watu wenye, they have gotten this part yaku judge you and telling you what you're doing wrong. Apa wakwa top, akunamtana sawatawaatayesum wenye. Like ini apakwa walking that journey with you, teaching you about faith, being kind to you. Eh, apa wa mewuma in che. So you'll find them they are very heavy on the judging and telling you what you're doing wrong. Like, and this goes for both men and women. Both of them. Ata sometimes more so women. Like they will speak, oh, they will speak so much, nini. Like, you're doing this wrong, you're doing this wrong, you're doing this wrong, but there's nothing you are doing right, you know. I feel like in the work with God, ata ukitembe an amungu ata atama unakuja, unabuta bangi. God appreciates the part with you that. See, you left the bank. Mm bono na kwa triggered. Mbono wuna kwa emotion. Anyway, I took a kwa mungu, u nabuta bangi. Like. Orafanya, all these things. I feel like when you leave some things na na ulan habits mzuri, kuna appreciation, munguwa na mungu wa na kuanga nayo for you. You know, you can still be smoking like ini munguwa na wana, eh, ameacha fornication, you know, ame bakishatu smoking, ameacha smoking, a meanza ku so baby, a meanza ku build faith. Like God who wana ku encourage. It's not that you should change, you should be perfect by Sunday morning. Yeah, Pana.

SPEAKER_05 20:55

Ina kubuka, like with every when I came to God, I was reckless. I was doing everything, everything you can mention. I can even say this, and I'm not saying a tiku jambaras, it's a testimony of God's how God has been faithful in my life. I was smoking weed, I was doing everything, and I was eating two guys at the same time. So, like Nilikuana pig, niliqua talikwa na name juzi when I when I was sharing how I was gonna share it on this um podcast. Like, Russio kitun time consuming guy cheating time consuming, Mambo mingi. So I remember when I first went to church with all these problems that I had, and then I went and told like our youth pastor because Nili kwa was so convicted, yeah, like I knew what I was doing was wrong. And I then I went and told him, Hi Pastor Patrick. So I'm a drug addict. I love the weed, and I'm doing this and this and this, and then he said, Okay. So he told me, no, and then I come to J Fanya, and then he told me his story of how CJ he used to drink a lot before he became in church, and then that day he just comforted me and told me how I was gonna do God's work. He told me, God has given you an assembly truth, and you're gonna do it. And I'm like, Oh, nanny. And then he took me to the altar and he prayed for me. And like at that instance, and like from that day, like I just went and ended the nini with these two guys and I left them. And then I mebakishabangi. Nikakakaki doki dogalafu weedha. It's like mungu de nga tua kitoa izovitu moja moja moja. Even pride and what god anakutuanga pole pole.

SPEAKER_03 22:21

Mm-hmm. I love whenamtua like when God is working on you, you don't you might move at a faster pace than other people. For example, an a jaribuku break a weed addiction in the world, it might be harder for them. They may take years to break that addiction. Like any, there's a girl I follow on TikTok, Mesauji Nayake. Yeah, and as manga like she woke up and all of a sudden the taste and desire for weed was gone. Gone. Like Aliya made Monday morning is not there. Me too. Like I was smoking weed today. Yeah. And tomorrow I wasn't smoking. It just disappeared completely. And now it's been like five or six years for her. It's been a long time. Yeah. Like mungu wana take away your taste immediately. But then it unafakwa level ingine ya surrendering. Yeah, kitu kabisa o kiam kakesho. All of a sudden, pomba is the worst thing you've ever tasted.

SPEAKER_05 23:10

I remember when I used to be like a smoke weed, like every time nikwana stress naskiya kulianin nini kishash, kishash, kishash, kishash. Squeezy, like ever since I found other things to do, like going to the gym, like praying, niki washangatikes. Stress.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

Stress immunity. Another question is for you, Abin, for all of us, what is something that God has taught you about himself? Not the church has taught you about God, not uh the family has taught you about God. Like in your relationship with God, Malikuna kwanga na abina God wanaketi chinipa moja, what is one thing that God has taught you about himself and you know, eh, kumbe munguana kwanga evi?

SPEAKER_00 23:46

God has taught me that his timing is not mine.

SPEAKER_03 23:50

Clock that tea. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

I remember uh I used to pray and I used to run to my mom. Maki mami ni meomba lakini mungu hajibu, and my mom used to used to tell me this God is not your errand boy. Oops.

unknown 24:06

Why?

SPEAKER_00 24:07

God is unonavenye an errant boy utamtu ma nta kafage. Nataka by join uku wamefage, nataka bai uhmu utambe your house help. Nataka upike lunch, eve by two. Ama uamke by six, utengeneze breakfast, and they will do that. You should not treat God like your errand boy.

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Just got convicted.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

Niake. Yeah, uyeke konfuku.

SPEAKER_05 24:37

Omba no mgje. Omba no mgje.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Yeah. So that that is what God has been teaching me. Uh I I I used to pray and nikwan atakan and jibusayo yoyoyo. I'm at the next day. But some of my prayers aligibusayoyu, some of my prayers, it took divine intervention. And some of them I waited for almost like four years, three years, and I was like, damn, I prayed for this prayer three three years ago, two years ago.

SPEAKER_05 25:03

Can you maybe share with us just one prayer that you're comfortable sharing that took you ages? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Okay, when I was opening my business, me nilianza, heh, na kombe nkikonikwamb, majite second, majite saken.

SPEAKER_05 25:21

Eh, majita sekem.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

So Mimi Nilianza, okay, nilikwa natoka nilianza na a grill mutura na mishkaki. So I was selling mishkaki and I was selling mutura for one week and the business was doing so well. Lakini, nilikwa nafanya nje shop here mama mungine apu. So for one week she she let me do the business in front of a shop. So after one week, akachoka na mimi, akachukwa muturazangu na na mishkaki na grill akazitupa. I lili zitupa zote. And I I really cried. I really I told God I just want my own space. I just want to open my own restaurant. And then after two months, nika fungua nau kibanda, like kibanda, kibanda. Kibanda. Kibanda food. Sisa after two weeks, kulinyesha. I love to ja rufiya polything. Rufi kangu ka mba uzo zika nguka. Eh, nikaka, nisa kuntafanya nin kunanyesha sazi sezi fanya business. But it used to it used to rain in the evening. So ni likua tuna izombao kando. Nayo nyelon kando nazeka kando nafanya business. Alafu sesa uhioni kifika kunenda kunyesha natua. And I used to pray to God. God, I really need uh to afford a nice a nice place where I can be able to open my own restaurant. And that happened after two years.

SPEAKER_03 27:13

Two years?

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:14

Where? You'll be sitting down on a random Tuesday and then God does something. And then Nikama anakunyesha. You remember this? Like you remember litajanga iko maombi 2019?

SPEAKER_05 27:26

You mimi, like some, thank you, sir. I know you're protecting me. But like akuna zenye like naombanga numba numba alafunona. Tada! Done. And it it normally happens on a random Tuesday. Like when you jack, okay, done.

SPEAKER_03 27:45

Where did this come from? And the thing is, even when you forget about it here, Jasahao. Five years later, Jasa How will be like, Una kumukae, lita janka. You know. And I find that so cute because he's such a dad broom. Miya kinapenda mugu gay. I love you so much.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

Mimi vileni mem shikili IV with the hame of his garment Kaki Raruka.

SPEAKER_03 28:06

Nivo. Nivo. Kapiya Kaisi Ruka. Ruth Ninini melee about God personality mwenyewe. This is his personality mekwanyesha. Simi in the same episode Yang that he taught me that I can do nothing without him.

SPEAKER_05 28:23

Oh, you do nothing without me. Na alikua me, I meeka strict hand. Like, equal last year, I am kwa ki ran tight ship. Hey hey! Andanyambiya roof, that's it. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

I'm sorry. Like, okay, I'm toto una unakulanga like mash potatoes, malengani. And then when you grow up, now you have to get to the gidheris, the meat, the whatever, the tough things. It's the same grown up. Make it umungwam in your funzani, like he's a good god. Like, no matter the situation, everything could be burning around you. He's still a good god. Like the situation does not determine his character. You know, like he is still a good God. Like, even through like um losses and everything, like I remember when we lost our friend in 2024. Nilukana Shinduwa maybe says you know, how can I lose my 15-year-old friend? You know, and in that moment, God is good. Now convict because her mom could burial, God is still good. I know my daughter is dead, but God is still good. And then uh like Juzy, when we went for the burial, Juicy, like unaskiatuwatu, God is still good. So you kitu lily convicting, like, yeah, things are going heiwire, but guess what? Karakter change. He's still a good God. And it was so hard accepting that. Ruth Najutak wana jibuyay. Abi niambika moko na jibuyayi. What is one thing you learned about God? That was a hard pill to swallow. Najuya Ruth na kawijuta kusi mea. Okay, that was a hard pill to swallow.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

Uh forgiveness.

SPEAKER_03 30:12

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Uh the Bible says if you if you do not forgive, you are a murderer. What? And Nimbaya just known a joy.

SPEAKER_05 30:21

Yeah, you're Nimbaya. Nimbaya.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

So it it it it came to a point when God, the Holy Spirit was convicting me to forgive all the people that have wronged me, and I I found it so difficult. I used to tell God, see what was like I I I remember listening to Ruth's uh TikTok, TikTok video. The people that that wronged you are also God's children.

SPEAKER_05 30:50

Yeah, that was just I was done. Yeah. When I found out I was I was done. I was done. Because I kwa like mtuabeku fina shingle idiom. A lafu ati this person is also God's child, and I kien a kulilia mungu, mungu atamski apia. Of course atam punished for sure. Because mini mona le kotuenye like the f kanya gia mika bisa God has punished them. But nila like yeah yeah, bad on to toma mungu. Just the same mami mptuamung. There's a day karo, let me just share this story. I was having an argument with someone. And then uh karo akan alikwat so angry at me when I had that argument with that person, na karo ali ni kasrikiya sanataku nyoongele. So nkena kwa rum nika mbia karo, am sorry ni nini ni. Karo wakani mbia. Why are you reminding this person of the things that they have done to you? Alafu nika like, but a manifanyvi, manifanyevi. And then karuaka nyu liza, saevilo nomba mungu i podcast ti wak mungwa kikambia, podcast aita wak ju liku navuta bangi. Podcast aita wakak ju dating those two boys at the same time and cheating on both of them. Uta skiya laje. Ui. I silenced her. Aye, are you silent? I silenced. I was silenced. Nikambi, I'm sorry, and I went and apologized to the person. I said, I'm sorry for reminding you that you hurt me, and I'm sorry, and I will try to do better as a human being. Yo sikukaro alkowa amen furria.

SPEAKER_03 32:07

I was like, But that's the beauty of friendship. Because you tani clock, name it, same clock. Two people nini, blind people leading each other. But you kituya forgiveness ni so hard. Mimi, I had to forgive. Of course, kunamtuka comments are lini saw did you forgive those teachers in high school? Who did that to you? But I also had to forgive the people who hurt you are also God's children. Yo, did God show me that, bro? And you know with who I won't say here, but someone like who caused me immense pain throughout my childhood, a lot of pain. But also it's someone I love so much more than anyone else in this future. You know, like that way of two, I could kill all of you guys for him. But he also caused me immense pain through my childhood, you know. And when I was between 2021 and 2024, 2025, I'm supposed to hate this person, you know, because of what they did. Then God created a way for me to see into their childhood through like stories, what when you wanna mjo nini, asking stories, and I realized, we're not gonna be able to do that. Munguaki mungali, as much as he's doing these bad things, munguaki mungale anangale the boy to kake who was crying, starving, because a miniuma food na antiake. Ama mefkuza home, ama nakula kwa dam site, because he was so hungry. Through that journey of forgiveness, Vile Mungali alone into their childhood, they realized like when God sees them, as much as they are doing all these hurtful things, when God sees them and honor the little boy, you know, the little boy who was abused, the little boy who was beaten up, who was made to sleep hungry, the boy who was eating from damp sites and all of that, you know. Like that's the person God is seeing. So even me kywapaniko, like I'm supposed to hate you for what you're doing, nini. Uh-uh. You're not supposed to, because Piawy mtutawamungu, as much as he is doing things from pain, Pia Munguana consider okay, I may hurt him to a mungine, but PM whenever he was hurt, you see. And it's uh like unafa kukubali, you know.

SPEAKER_05 34:13

Kama Mimi, I remember when I was now reaching the point of forgiving my mother. Guy! But God now villau, he allowed me to see her side of the story. And when I came to realize, I was just like, oh my god, this woman, she was left pregnant with two houses, and the in-laws that they are disturbing her. And her parents have also died because my mommy was an orphan, you know, and she has three kids, and she's she has all of this, she has two unfinished houses. She the only thing she could offer is just school fees. That's all she had to offer. And then now she gets cancer. That's school fees, is all she could provide. She had nothing else to give.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

We will do an entire episode on just Anastasia because Anastasia.

SPEAKER_05 34:58

Yeah, and it's just like Nico's so happy that I can now share my parents' story. Because when God was telling me the reason, because I remember I told you last year when I was literally grieving, because God told me, grieve your parents, like cry about them. And he went, he explained to me. I was telling Celine this story. Celine called an AI. I was telling Celine, God explained to me the reason why all of them had to die. He said, I could your dad died because of A, B, C, D, E, F G. Your mom died because of E, A, B, C, D, E, F G. And he told me the impact that they could have had on the world. But he told me that the impact that the two of them could have had was smaller than what me and my siblings had to offer. So he said, I'll take them out, but I'll figure out a solution for you guys. But the fact that as much as like right now I can be able to share about my parents, I'm so happy because just like they might be gone, but people can get to know about Richard and Anne. Yeah, because they were great human beings. They were like, definitely.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

And Anne was the luckiness, hot as hell. Let me just say. But uh, forgive, like, how long did it take for you to be like, because Holy Spirit and a kwambia forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive. How long did it take from for you to go from see what you put a money to okay, sir, wabasini wa forgive?

SPEAKER_00 36:09

Time ni liku ni mona my shawya wameanza kujita se keya. It brought a bit of joy. Okay, uh it it brought a lot of joy. Yeah, and I was like, thank you, God. Now I can release them. Okay, it's it's a bad thing. I know it's a bad thing to rejoice.

SPEAKER_03 36:28

I don't feel much bad, it's just human. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:30

So time to wameza tu ku taseka. Nikasema they're out of my mind.

SPEAKER_03 36:38

Because be sure God will punish. Oh, one thing that I know about God, the He's petty.

SPEAKER_05 36:47

The petty one is that what that Bible says, I will prepare a table for you in the presence of the enemies. It doesn't joke. A joking. Prepare the table.

SPEAKER_03 37:09

Hey, God is petty.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

Yeah, he doesn't he doesn't joke about his people. He doesn't, he doesn't play about his people. So at punish your enemies, just know that he is going to be petty for you.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

Even like he will do the the tea, like the smallest thing. Ataifanya. A taifanya. And the thing is that if he loves them. Like in the last ma walan you know. So you know, the same way at a kuchuna, you know, type of thing. But I don't think it's evil at you to celebrate how much feel good. It's just human. Even me, even me when I learned of the like the teacher who assaulted me, what happened? I was happy. I won't lie to you. I was I was rukaukaring in the house, I was joyous, I was full of gladness, you know, because in a feel like oh God was looking out for me. Like Kumbuliona, like Kumbe, you saw what happened, type of thing. Yeah. But since to me dwell Sana on the my negatives and the what negatives, uh, what what are some ways that the church has positively impacted your life and you as Abima happen happening? Is the church?

SPEAKER_00 38:17

Uh I have I have grown spiritually. Definitely. Uh there are some gifts that I I I never thought that I could have.

SPEAKER_04 38:28

E.G. E. G.

SPEAKER_00 38:30

Discerning spirits. So I can maybe enter a place and before even start ministering, and I I I I just dis discern the the whole place. And the spirit will will just tell me, I'm gonna go. Uh you minister so that your people can be blessed. Yeah. So it's discerning spirits, speaking in tongues, kidogo. Yeah. So I have grown spiritually. That's number one. Number two, I I have met very nice people in church, people who have really impacted me in a positive way. One of them is Ruth, Victor. Okay, thank God for Victor.

SPEAKER_03 39:32

Victor has been mentioned approximately 56 times. But we love Victor.

SPEAKER_00 39:36

Yeah, Victor Victor is a very nice person. So the people that I met in church have been they have been so good to me. So I can say spiritual growth and the community that the church has given me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:49

Of course, to no longer church heart. But do you also think a church can be a place of healing? Has it been a place of healing for you?

SPEAKER_00 39:56

Yeah, uh uh, I think a church can be a place of healing. Personally, church has healed me. Like I said, uh through my community through the community that I I found in church. I met people who created a safe space for me to open up and for them to lead me to God, for them to advise me about how I'm going to navigate my traumatic experiences. So your community in your church. Unafatuku ku kuangaliam to moja tua wilu atatu when you can you can go to you can you trust idea kuomba. They'll help you go through through what you're going through. And before we finish, I'd I I'd just like to say this that the church elders and the church leaders should incorp incorporate mental okay positive mental space. I don't know if I'm making sense. Yeah, yeah, in that I can go to to a church elder, I'm a church leader and and tell this person what I'm going through. I'm and tell the and I'ma tell them that um I am sinning, I'm I have backslidden, and this person won't look at me as if no, but this person is just going to direct me to God, this person is going to advise me on how I'm going to navigate life. This person is going to really help me.

SPEAKER_05 41:26

I think maybe they can have like a a cup a person who does that. Not necessarily like for everybody. Because if you say at the church elders, not everybody is going to be like that. You see, like for our church right now, like we have a new uh youth pastor, he's very great. He's the best. We love him, we love him, he's so nice. He creates that space for people to come and share. And even Pastor Patrick, when he used to be our youth pastor, Pastor Patrick, he removed me from the deep end of the churches. I'll cookwama topic. And he he accepted me, he never made me feel bad. Even when I was telling him, um, you know, and he listened. So if they can have like, as you said, a bee, even like it's a one person, when you wanna like they've done due diligence at Uyumtu, and yeah, we anesa.

SPEAKER_03 42:08

Yeah. I love who ako na the skill ya spiritually and psychologically to go deeper into what that why that person is doing that. Because I feel like kuna generation generation, yeah, and you wanna like own in a lewa mana nafanyevi na fanyivi. But I like oh, like that's just a habit you have. Like in there is a reason why we umtuana nafanyevo. If mnezakwa mtuwa na the psychological skill as we, oh, this person was hurt at home. We umtuakuna uh daddy issues, mama issues, uh wounds, whatever, whatever. Can I say something? Okay, finish first. Let's work on that. Then we can heal the nini later, not attacking their character just for their own. Oh no, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:49

What a TikTok on an ilizanga, how I have my brother's photo in my house. They're like, how do you have this person's photo? All that. And it's just that, like, as long as like my brother has hurt me a lot. Yeah, I know, I know what's wrong with my brother. I know clearly, I'm not sure. She died, and I continuously continue to pray for him because I know that this is the devil attacking him and everything and all of that. So neile, like yeah, I've forgiven him, but I'm sharing as a point of like this and like the past, this and this happened to me. So neile, like yeah, wanga. And I know the reason why he does, of course, no excuse to his actions. But unelewa.

SPEAKER_03 43:25

I think actually kwa biapani po malipengine watwenye, howakuna goda wata elewa, the aspect of forgiveness. Una villa, like, let's say, for example, Ruth with her brother and all these things. Like you can be able to have his picture in your house, you can be able to pray for him because you pray for him every single day. You can be able to think about him like, okay, Akikuja Kenya, he can do this, he can try this. Like you're thinking all good things. I know people on the internet are called like after me kufany for your day, but we get it. We get it 100% understand. A valid reaction. But kuna ille. Peace in a kujango kiwa na mungu, na understanding that uyo badon himtotawaki. Mungu mchuki. Ana kupenda mm.

SPEAKER_05 44:09

Mungungu na inova I know God loves my brother so much.

SPEAKER_03 44:12

If they say we talk about it so yeah, he's always doing some crazy things.

SPEAKER_05 44:17

God just still protects him.

SPEAKER_03 44:19

God loves Dennis. Na, kunaki to Dennis that afanya that later on to like. You're just meant to do that, you know. Like, even for you to be able to forgive those people. Trust me, it's not by my power. Not by but by the Spirit of the God. Yeah, it's the Spirit of God. 101%. But based on how we were raised, because we were all raised in a Christian household, Cindy Samuel. Like, what is the difference in how you were raised to understand God and how you're going to raise your kids to understand God? Oh, that's a deep question. Like, what's the difference? And not necessarily at the Mama liquor say up and something in your woman or you know. Since I've learned this about God, this is how I'll raise my kids. Rajokuna vilasi tulikua tu na lelewaya. You're just going to church for the sake, you're just doing following all these rules for the sake. But there's a way you can there's a woman I follow on Instagram. She has a nine-year-old son and a six-year-old daughter, and then katutuka dogo. Those children know the Bible. Bro. They know the Bible. Na see lea at him totuana so much for the sake. Like anakonga ki pika up oh my vituzake, then unaskiya nambiam tuta. Like, Mark, come bring my Bible. Mtotako so excited, see lea, ah, to nasoma Bible. You know, I was so excited, I could have a Bible nafunguana. Today we are reading Psalms Nini. Then an abdibank nam too. What do you think that means? What do you think God means there? Then I'm doesn't mean that it means this. I'm com to yako right. Wow, you you know he means that. And you know, seven years old can ingile, mom, and also you remember when he said this in this book, this is what it means. Nico, like, wow. But the time we have to 18, they'll be reciting the Bible to them to the back. To them to the moon to the back. Because you were always raised in a Christian household, right? How differently will you raise your kids to understand God than what your parents did, than what your mom did. Not necessarily a bad thing, but something like una is on guys, me, I'll lead my child this way, this way, this way.

SPEAKER_05 46:28

Okay, uh when I have two mothers, start with mom one. Yeah. With my mom, meaning to explain younger what God is. I mean, like a church, okay, I'm in the chapel, okay. I mean, you kneel down, okay. Nice. But with MJ, like she has taught us to pray, to share like things. That's one thing I'm I don't even want to change that. Like, yo, like uh God is good, we talk about God, all of those things, we talk about how God has helped us. We share, hey, I had a difficult time today, and God helped me here and here. That's one thing that I really love that MJ has really taught me. And she has taught me the importance of praying about everything. If there's a woman who can pray, she can pray to the moon to the back. Yeah, so she's taught me that about like praying, you know. And one thing that I would I would add is to share what I'd add is to share my stories to my children and tell my children, you know, guys, there was a time that this and this and this happened to me, and I thought I was going to die, and I thought this was and then God came. I would like them to know that God saves, like to know of the importance of like God and atuanga watu kwashimo. And I will tell my children, like you know, like sometimes parents, to na go pa kwambiya wa to toe to that. I was a promiscuous person, and I love the way Michael Twoda nabga tot. I was addicted to pornography.

SPEAKER_03 47:38

Bakim kitua. Yeah, sorry. And then God came. Maybe one thing I'll do differently for my children, ni kusama Bible, bileni wambambia, abut that woman on Instagram, like I would really like my children. Because maybe sa easy in my adulthood, dion ni nanza kuta after attention span. Ya kusama bibilia. You know, like dion ni na nyaku wa bibiliya niko like sisa ina manisha nini ni sisa thou, thou was chat, thou waste. Like, it's so confusing. And then at some point, because I wuna understanding una unasketo board, unapatu meilala, like you're not understanding things. So for my kids, ni tatakakuans, shea biblia, mapema, like ku understand no no, no, not easy parts of the Bible zeny wuna patangani a lineage for 78 chapters is just a lineage of Siju who married who got who. Siju I would like my kids excited about reading the Bible. Like it were a thing that we do at home, we read the Bible. You know, that is something I want to do with my kids.

SPEAKER_00 48:34

Because I said, I was I was raised strictly Anglican. So uh my mom and dad taught me the all the Anglican values, like everything about Anglicanism. Yeah. And they're also telling me Bible stories. And okay, for what I will do differently for my kids, I will tell them all the experiences that I encountered God. Because um I was talking with a friend of mine and I was telling her that in this generation, one zokwambiam to story Isaac. Uh nili kuwepo. So uh uh I don't know Moses patting the red sea, mimi siku kuwa. But if you now start telling a person what what you re what you have really gone through, um everything that you had you you had gone through. If you if you had the pictures for me, nikona pictures, zango za when I started my small business, mbakasai, it's it's really nice. I will I will show them everything. And I will also want them everything about being intimate with God that you need to find God, utajua, God works.

SPEAKER_05 49:59

Intimacy with God.

SPEAKER_00 50:02

So uh a relationship with God is uh it's it's a really personal relationship. So, in as much as we are debunk debunking on uh Bible stories, but I will tell them all my life experiences. I will tell them everything.

SPEAKER_05 50:18

There's a time I was telling God, especially the generation that we have right now. I was talking to God, I was we were having a conversation. People literally call your book a storybook. They have come to call your book a storybook. You should start using people's stories as a way, like people's life experiences, real life examples of people to know about your existence. And then he told me, I'm using you first. I said, Ha! Rude. I was asking a question. You know, he told me I'm using you first. And and then, like, even on the other convention, like I could hear, okay, this might sound like I have spiritual religious psychosis, but it's right. No problem. I could hear like God alikua naskyo pointyango nyinamuambiya. Say watu, that's why like sauna ku tanga tuna sia ilinifany kiya testimony upon testimony. Yeah. Una skianga story is a size eight. Mina mwamining. Aki se masi alikuana ma spiritual attacks, and she wakes up at night. Me, there are times that I've I've slept. I can literally feel somebody's watching me through the window when I'm sleeping. Like, I'm not having sleep at all at night. Like I feel like I'm having such bad dreams. Like, like dreams so graphic. And like Sasa Niko, like, is of it in the future to nafakuambia watu a job or the existence of God. So my same abiya ku share, like mimi, I will always share all the times God has been present for me because mimi na journey experienced his goodness in my life. And as a taka watu wajue mungu, mbavyon namjua. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:53

I took himalize and hanging and whatever. To watch na like tangible skills that they can use. There are people out there right now who are trying to grow their relationship with God. Lakini, so my Bible sangini na kuangumu, sangini schedule inakata. They don't know whether I'm supposed to read the Bible or listening to music. Should I have 10 highlighters? Should I should I have 15 notebooks? Should I like what is the what do you think has worked for you? Yeah, you can read the Bible like this many times, you can do this, you can do this.

SPEAKER_00 52:34

It's about uh creating quality time with God. For example, if you are in a relationship, you have a boyfriend, definitely uh you will create time for you guys to meet, for you guys to go out on dates, for you guys to I don't know, do what boyfriend and girlfriend do. I don't know. So you you will create time. Me Niko single. Yeah, so the same way you will create time with your friends, you will create time with your boyfriend. Create time for God. So even in the book of Matthew, chapter 6, verse 33, it says, Seek first the kingdom of God and all shall be added unto you. So sata ukia kwa mungu, and you you want this prayer to be answered. Kwanza an an atangalia. Amu wanaku yetu wakati, anataka mumbiakia jibiwe. So create that quality time with God. You know one thing that I came to realize is that we take God for granted.

SPEAKER_05 53:44

So much. So much. Even as a Christian, sometimes I treat him so badly.

SPEAKER_00 53:49

We we tend to take him for granted. We do not have reverence for him, and and that is and that is so bad. Una una umba Sunday, tenas unaomba tenas kuningina Sunday, and that is not good. So at the same time that you will create quality time for your boyfriend, for your friend, for your business, for everything, create quality time with God. At Utasoma John 11 35, Jesus wept and you meditate on it. Mungatawana piawe. You're putting in effort. So just create quality time with God. Uh pray. Uh just get to know him better.

SPEAKER_03 54:23

I think the nini behind that is the intentionality that we put in every other relationship to God Pia. Kwa kwa romantic relationship, business relationship, juhauta miss meetings, the job, whatever. You'll be very intentional with that time. You'll be very intentional with the time with your friends, with your partner, with your with your family. The same intentionality, eka kwa god. Adi, I saw uh there's a uh Christian influence I follow on YouTube, and alkoana semal like she has a part of her house that wanaz it a prayer closet. Like Apo, ako that intentional that that one you see closet. From this time to this time, any time you are God. Viletuni make ya, wwanango tai miake, na kazu taimiake, be a god timeyake. I think you niku in a sa idea mtuku grow sana. So you can try that out to m be a kamita kosa idea ku grow your relationship with God because that is what we all want for you guys. And for ourselves, yeah, to mefika.

SPEAKER_05 55:34

Juleki God has given me the ability to be able to tell people about his word. But sometimes because of the times where I'm angry at him, omatume kosana, I just peruse through the books, peruse through the Bible study, and I have even convicted. Aki leo, any just got me na jataka tungungu aniside idea. I really want to be able to create that. I do not have a secret place as a Christian. Imagine. And I want to get a secret place where I can say two hours on this day is for God. Sometimes naugy na abi andaniambiati, mungu ali muamsha si ju sangapina sama. Yo, Miss Jaya Mushua.

SPEAKER_03 56:05

Jesus. Nataka kufika that level of intimacy with people. So maka dishango lukwa nam su five a.m. Nanimtu mwye uki mwalia siati ni religio psychosis. Na jo, of courso kuna tuatasema psychosis like inini ni sao. Lakini ni le una fika una you're so intimate with God. The same way Mamako lukwa kwam su wende shule. Mungwara kwaamsha wake up and pray, and it's a real thing. I I hope I get it. I'm but me next.

SPEAKER_05 56:30

Kila siku le canbe, wake up and pray, wake up and pray, like I ignoring it too. And I need to really work on that. Because I can tell like an always hear him, but I always ignore that thing of like let's spend time together.

SPEAKER_06 56:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:42

We'll do better on that. I'll do better. We will. We will. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:46

We should we should not take God for granted, yeah. Nimbaya. Nimbaya. So you let's say it to tam we tag it to tam kimbilia. So do not take him for granted.

SPEAKER_03 56:57

You all cut off your friends for only coming to you, tisha persona and whatever, you'll cut off that friend. Kini for God, you'll be treating him like that. Jobs, relationships between persona, nini, nini, every other time you're not there. If you had a friend who was coming to you only when they need money, you would not keep that friend. So don't take God for granted, guys.

SPEAKER_05 57:18

Okay, before we close this session, Abhi, Madam Biashara, we want people to know about your meal prep business. We want people to know to follow you to get to your TikTok, your Instagram page. Please tell them the phone number, the name of the business, where to get if they want meal preps, all of that. Because Lazima Twomoke, quite a bit.

SPEAKER_00 57:37

So, uh guys, my business is on Instagram and TikTok, Zanzi Flavors. Zanzi Flavors. I deal with okay, mostly soily dishes, but I I can also deal with Kenyan cuisines. So DM for custom food dishes, DM for meal preps, DM for catering. Okay, but catering my own use of it to za catering, but I'm still equipments, but I'm still working on it. So DM, my number is 0799-66387. So please patronize my business ni sila lenja. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:15

Nenjani pikiapa koset and it's a good one. The one in charge of our food for set is amazing. Yeah, the food is amazing. Adi behind camera sich a flek osao. Amazing. Yeah. So thank you guys for tuning in this week. Thank you so much for listening to our series, Church Hearts and Church Games. I hope you guys are enjoying it. And also, by the way, if you want to share your story, come on, Story Mzuri Church Hearts and Church Games. You can DM us on Instagram, TRC Limited, na TikTok TRC Limited. Please DM us, tell us your story, and then we'll bring a couple of you guys on here to share your story and your to scatter your side. It's going to see to now and be a v2. We want to hear from you guys as well. So thank you so much for watching. See you guys next week. Bye.