Overcoming Anxiety - Vanessa

Transcript

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Welcome to the Am Jits Podcast, the How I Survived series. In these mental health episodes, I'm creating a space for real conversations about the things we often keep to ourselves, our struggles, our healing, and the stories that shape who we are. Hi Vanessa, so the goal of this podcast is to have honest conversations about mental health and real life experiences so that people can feel less alone and so that stigma is reduced as well. So thank you so much for joining me today. It really does mean a lot. Um to start, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and what life looked like before things started getting difficult? Hello. Uh I am 33. I also have a beautiful, rhombus boy. Um on topic of mental health. I was diagnosed with anxiety and borderline personality disorder when I was 20, 21. Before then, um, in my child and adolescence, um, I was very shy and anxious-ridden. Um, so life was always very difficult due to anxiety and just mental health overwrong. So I feel like it's more like a genetic factor as well as environmental and trauma to elaborate on my childhood and early adolescence. Being extremely shy, now I realize that I'm older that it was due to anxiety. Like I would hide behind my mom, and my mom would do all the talking. That's how bad it was. Took a while to actually come out of it, actually, but what when it really started getting bad, like self-harming behaviors, was when I was in high school, 15, I was 15, and there was one teacher, my math teacher, that actually saw a difference and actually cared, while every other teacher and peers either didn't know or didn't realize, or they realized, but they didn't kind of really do much about it. Also, when I got help at 15 or tried to when I went to the hospital because I was self-harming, um, and to get assessed, the professionals refused to talk to me because I had um intellectual disability, so they kind of dumbed me down and pretty much said like sh I wouldn't understand, so I didn't get proper help then because I was refused by the mental health team. Well, that must have been really hard on you at the time to be refused like that. Um, how are you right now? Are you getting the help you need? Uh I've had I've done a lot of therapy, um, which has helped. I can handle things a lot better, I can regulate myself a lot better. Still difficult at times. Yeah, things still can be difficult at times. I believe that mental health is a lifelong journey. Some days will be better than others, but I'm happy that you got the therapy you needed. Like, are you still able to function? Uh it used to be uh used to have my anxiety limit things until I had the tools to do so. Um I also realize now that it depends on the environment. So if it's in a professional thing, like my work, it's a lot easier to get through. But certain things like phone calls are the worst, but I can handle it better now. Back then I would have my mom do the phone calls because of that's the limited of it. Now I can have a phone call, do a phone call, but still have anxiety, but it's manageable. You remind me of myself a little bit. Back in the day, I used to refrain any type of conversation that I had to have with someone because I was so afraid of being judged. Would you say that that is one of the reasons as to why you couldn't, you know, make a phone call was because you were afraid of judgment? Yes. I am afraid of judgment. I am a karamic people pleaser. Um for phone calls, it's more about I'm scared of messing up and then being judged. So yes. I'm glad that it's a lot more manageable for you right now. Um, they say in therapy that the more you expose yourself, the better it is. Would you agree? I'm a strong believer of therapy and we're recommended for everyone because we can all benefit from it, even if someone doesn't technically have a mental disorder. Um, but with therapy, you have to do the work. Yeah, I agree that everyone can benefit from therapy for sure. Um, now looking back at everything you've been through, from the shyness you described to the trauma and the mental health journey, um, what would be something that you would tell your younger self? That's a good question. Um, I guess I would just tell my younger self that you can't please everyone. Um, and to just even with anxiety, to just do the things that make you uncomfortable, which I learned in therapy to do things that make you uncomfortable. Because that's how you fry, which I am living through it because I have tried it. Do things that make me uncomfortable, not just necessarily scarely with the anxiety. Well, everything contains the anxiety, but things that I typically wouldn't do. Just to step out of your comfort zone and do it, um, and you would thrive from it. That's a great message. Um, thank you so much for joining me today. I hope your anxiety remains tolerable and best of luck in your future. Take care.