Food Addiction - Jason

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Am Jits Podcast. The How I Survived series. In these mental health episodes, I'm creating a space for real conversations about the things we often keep to ourselves, our struggles, our healing, and the stories that shape who we are. Hi, Jason. Welcome to the podcast. And thank you so much for willing to chat today. First off, can you introduce yourself along with what brings you here today?

SPEAKER_01 0:33

Hi, Daniela. Thank you very much for uh having me be a part of your uh exciting new podcast. I'm uh Jason Vietteri and uh I'm an IT professional, uh Italian as well, living in uh Monshaw, Quebec. Uh, what brings me here is I wanted to bring awareness as to um how mental health and uh eating, having a uh relationship uh with food that is uh healthy uh for life, uh bringing awareness how these things are uh tied together when it comes to uh weight loss and uh overeating, as it plays a big uh factor um into mental health.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Yeah, I agree that whatever we consume has an impact on our mental health for sure. Um, is this something that you struggle with?

SPEAKER_01 1:29

My issue was um celebrating things with food, whether it was being happy, sad, uh excited, um it was just a reaction, it was a way of uh uh of just celebrating something or uh eating an emotion, you know, and it didn't have to be a negative one, it could be a positive one too. Uh, but the the mental struggle with that was when you knew that you were eating too much and um you knew you shouldn't be eating as much. It was uh a mental struggle uh to tell yourself, even though you're thinking the right thing and you know what you should or shouldn't be doing, uh that mental power side of it would um the urge and the addictiveness to the food would overpower the um your your thoughts of what you should be doing.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

This reminds me of how many people, including myself, um, tend to eat as a self-rewarding act. Like if I know I accomplished something great, I'd reward myself with unhealthy food. Um, I think many people do eat their feelings. Uh, what would you say is the main cause to this? Do you think it's like a comfort?

SPEAKER_01 2:51

First, I think it's part cultural because um I think Italians tend to celebrate and do things revolving around food. But yet a lot of non-Italian people struggle with the same thing, despite what your culture is or how your culture is with their food. I think that it's uh it's comforting and it also becomes uh an addiction. Uh the same as uh cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs, narcotics. I think it's um it's um it's a drug. So uh food was my crack cocaine. I always tried to figure out as to why I was doing it because uh I was happy, there was no issues, uh you know, good family, friends, uh you know, there was no depression or anything. Uh it was just turning to uh to food all the time for uh for no reason. So the way when I had decided that it was time for a change to lose weight because I was 520 pounds, and it was becoming uh life-threatening with a uh infectious disease at the same time. The first thing that I needed to tackle uh was the mental side of it, was to tell myself that um I'm ready to do this, and um I just naturally really wanted to do it. So I had an easier time mentally when I felt that I wanted it, and um that mental struggle of really wanting it kind of overpowered the the mental side of it, uh, like that addiction side of telling me uh to eat. So once I had the the willpower and really wanted to do it, versus someone saying, Oh, you know, you or a doctor or a friend saying, Oh, you should really um you know take better care of yourself, um I would kind of have a uh the attitude or uh you know say something offensive to the person. Uh it's kind of like mind your own business. Whereas and I would just throw it off. Whereas this time I truly really wanted it. And uh that was the the main thing uh to deal with the mental side of it. So um with that, I was I was able to I had an easier time, but the struggle was still there in terms of naturally wanting to turn uh to um to food, uh, you know, when watching TV or uh celebrating something. Um and it's it's not that you can't have a meal, whatever, but it's just the the portion of it, and it wasn't so much uh what I was eating, it was just uh too much. So uh once I had overcome it internally by saying that I really, really wanted it, then I had an easier time with the mental side of it. But I think that a lot of people struggle with the mental side of food more than we realize, and um now uh when I speak to doctors about it, uh their attitudes have changed, and um the research is increasing on the mental side. Also, there's more things coming out now that in terms of metabolism, and they're researching on something called um fat cells, um that uh that are that are still in people um that were overweight, and that's why sometimes you still want to eat and um you have the urge to eat, and sometimes when you can unexplainably gain five to ten pounds, even when you're really closely watching what you're eating, there's a lot more research being done, and that's why doctors are highly recommending things like Ozempic and those sorts of drugs, because there's a lot of research now being done on these uh fat cells and uh metabolism side of it. Um that there's genetics and genes in your body that uh are uncontrollable. And I'm even at the point where my doctor a few weeks ago had said I would literally have to starve myself in order to bring my my weight down or to work out um at a um unreasonably uh rate, uh, you know, to to work out uh all the time that that would not be healthy in order to uh to lose a few pounds because they believe that these fat cells are still present from when I was 520 pounds. But even years later, after losing um uh 300 pounds, um the the the mental side is still there. Um it it comes in a in a flash of uh oh let's have more of this or let's eat this, and I just have to um remind myself and uh I have to take control of my uh mind in order to uh stop myself from doing it because of that habit and the uh the kind of like the creature that was created within uh by just automatically uh eating something.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Well, thanks for sharing. So, with your experience, you find that it starts in the mind. Um, how did that mindset shift? Was there a specific moment, thought, or realization that helped you begin um believing that change was possible?

SPEAKER_01 8:48

I knew that if I didn't change my eating habits and not exercise, then um I would have ended up uh you know getting very sick and uh dying, and I would have probably most likely uh died from uh an infectious disease. So if it wasn't uh for that, then uh it wouldn't have changed my my mindset. I how I overcame it, uh overcame it mentally was just creating um a relationship with food, um, thinking as food as um a vitamin and um something you know that you need uh in order to um to survive. But at the same time, um to be realistic, to make it for life, I knew that you know food is still an enjoyment when there's uh an occasion when you go out for dinner. Um so I didn't uh deprive myself of any specific foods or anything. I think it's just something that I wanted so much. Um and I knew how important it was, the motivation, I was just able to overcome it uh mentally. But uh it wasn't easy. It was reminding myself and um telling myself that if you love yourself, you'll you'll take better care of yourself. But there's still that uh there was always that mental block sometimes that was unexplainable. Um, just not being motivated for going for a walk for a specific day, or um not going to the gym uh one day, uh, or feeling like eating something that you shouldn't be, or you're gonna have too much of or something. Um it was just something that I had to struggle, struggle with mentally, and um the only thing I could say is that it's because I really was prepared for it, I wanted it, and uh that's why I was able to overcome it mentally. I think that the the danger is that for people, and at the state that I was when I didn't care and when I didn't want the change, the the mental side of and the um the addiction of the food was in full force. And I know what it's like, and I know that people suffer with that, and it doesn't matter you know, like what they think uh or do that mental side of it overpowers everything. Because I remember the days, you know, every day was the same story. Wake up, okay, today's the day of the change, and then it just never went anywhere. You know, you start off in the morning with eating less, and then by the end of the day, you've eaten more than ever. And you know, keeping busy with work or social things uh would be a distraction throughout the day, but then when you're alone, um you just end up eating. So it's something that uh you have to really want. But I know that there's people that suffer with that, and at the state that I was when I didn't want the change, then that's what's then that's what's dangerous, and that's where that mental side of it kicks in. And doctors are understanding that more now about that, um, the mental side of uh of the eating and so forth. Uh, and um, it's something that's neglected after you have bariatric surgery for someone that was fully prepared for it mentally, who you do get a session or two with a um a psychological doctor, uh a therapist before the surgery. Because I I lost weight uh weight on my own first. I lost about 200 on my own, and then I was told in order to maintain that weight, I should have bariatric surgery. And uh I did have uh a free session with a uh therapist as part of the whole bariatric um proceeding, but I was denied it because I was too fit mentally. So after my first, it's almost as if I should have lied uh during my first interview with with the psychologist, because then I would have um had like an extra session or two. But after the surgery is done, um you're there's no that you have follow up with dietitian, you have follow-ups with your surgeon, but there's no follow-up on the psychological side, on the on the therapy side, and that's what's missing, and that's what's very important. And I think that that's why a lot of people end up getting waiting, they're gaining the weight back. I've gained some weight back, which I'm being told is normal because your body readapts. The struggle gets a little harder with food, but I'm maintaining it very well. But I can just imagine someone who doesn't have that support, and it's uh it's something difficult. It's difficult that people um it's something that if you're having bariatric surgery or if you're someone that's just losing weight on their own, the therapy side, the mental side, um, should be covered more for people, you know, just like uh a medication is covered by the RAM Q or by the government. And here, um I I think that it not just overeating, but in all uh areas, I think mental health is neglected in terms of therapy-wise. It should be it's something that should be covered more, and we should have more people working on uh in the healthcare system.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Yeah, I think that the first step to change is to actually want to change, and that willingness alone can open the door to everything that follows, right? Now, do you still have some days where it's more difficult than others?

SPEAKER_01 15:16

If I did not want to change, then I would not have done it. Before, had anyone told me, oh, you should lose weight, you know, you're we care about you, whatever, I wouldn't listen, I wouldn't care, I would get upset. And um I just you know, I went in one ear while the uh out the other. I was just fooling myself, lying to myself that things are okay and that uh this is normal, uh, and one day uh I'll lose it. But I the reality was I was just never ready and I never really wanted it. I had to really want it to be able to have that conversation mentally that I care about myself, this is what I want, therefore I'm doing it. Now, if it wasn't for that, I would have just continued. But still today the struggle is there. Some days I have to stop myself from having that little extra something. Now it's not anywhere near the extreme to when I was uh over 500 pounds, but it still comes and goes those little factors. Now, despite it being also a mental challenge, the doctors have explained that there's something in you, they're doing more research called these fat cells after you've you've lost a lot of weight that still remain in your system, and that triggers things within the body and mentally as well. When your body thinks it's food, it thinks it needs food, and you're not full, you're not satisfied. So combined with the mental side of it, you know, I've I've always wondered that because me and me and one of my best friends, we have, you know, we we were overweight together, and we both lost weight. But you know how a dog or any animal, but specifically dogs, because we he had a dog and uh a lot of people in my family had dogs, so I saw the behavior. No matter what or when you throw food at a dog, it's always on the hut, and it's always gonna eat. I always thought that maybe me and my friend have that brain, whatever part that is of those animals that have that instinct. Maybe we have it. So I always figured it was something mental, something with the bodies, and my my metabolism. But yeah, the struggle is still there. Some days worse than others, and then sometimes there's this mental block to not just get up and go for a walk. It's just like it mentally blocks your brain, like you just don't feel like it. And and that's where you just you have to push yourself, but after it's done, you feel so much better. So the the struggle is real, and um, if I didn't uh want to change and did not really want to go for that walk, then forget it. Forget about it, I would never have done it.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

I really like your analogy comparing it to how a dog reacts when it's given food. Um, would you say that avoiding unhealthy food is one of your main strategies for staying healthy? Like for me, I've noticed that if I don't buy it, I don't eat it. Like, what would you say is your strategy?

SPEAKER_01 18:59

My strategy is uh to do something that is reasonable, realistic, and for life. So it's impossible to say that such and such a food is never gonna be in my presence and I'm never gonna have it again. When I go sh when I do shopping, I I make you know choices for myself and it doesn't bother me if I'm buying something for somebody else that I necessarily wouldn't eat all the time or don't find healthy. Because it's not realistic. So that's where the relationship comes into play that I'm eating this because I need it to live, I need it to survive, I need it for my energy. This is for someone else who enjoys having it, and I could have it here and there without a problem. So realistic and for life and reasonable, and not uh always saying no or never because then it just deprives yourselves and you're just playing a game with your brain. Because I've done it before, the deprive it. I've tried several diets like way before years back, but gained it all back and more because of depriving that just accumulates over time, and this way I don't feel deprived because if I want to have uh a dessert, I have a dessert. I just don't the goal is to control the portion, I just don't overdo it or binge eat on it. That's the main thing. That's where the mental part comes in. Okay, I've had my share, that's enough. I'll be able to have more another day, another time. This food is not gonna disappear from the world now. So it's it's that strategy, it's the conversations with yourself, and before you eat, to have that mental conversation to be prepared. You're going out, you're going to a wedding in Italian celebrate everything with food. You remain focused. And it's unrealistic to think that okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna, you know, stay stay away from certain things, I'm gonna because it's not an analogy, you know. The difference about gambling or being an alcoholic is that you don't need alcohol to survive. Yeah, it's gonna be hard to go to a wedding and you're not you're an alcoholic, but you don't need it. You don't need to to gamble to live. Yeah, it's gonna be hard going to casino and you can't gamble. So you would probably stay away from there. And you would probably you know uh have support with you uh at a wedding, but if you if you were drinking, if uh if you were an alcoholic, a recovering alcoholic, and you're not gonna drink that night, but at least you could have other drinks, and but food, you need food, you need to eat. So that's the difference, and that's where their big struggle is. So uh going to a wedding, going to a bigger thing, going to a buffet, it's just a conversation with yourself. There's nothing wrong with having a little bit of everything, tasting it, but not to go back 10-20 times the way I used to before. And like, you know, there's cannolis, cheesecake, there's you know, like the the midnight buffet table. Instead of going back five, six times and and overdoing it, you just go up, you take a little bit, you enjoy, and you make choices as you're going along. You don't have to take every single thing either. And if you do want, okay, I do like everything that's here, there could be 20 things in front of you. There's nothing wrong with taking a clean fork and knife and cutting it up and leaving the rest there. That's the strategy, and I do that because, or else afterwards, there's gonna be guilt, but it's also I'm gonna feel horrible. I'm gonna feel horrible in the sense that my my body's not used to eating so much, and having too much of it, it doesn't feel right because I've changed so much. So having those conversations are very important. Now I gotta admit, it doesn't always work. There's those times where it's just a complete enjoyed everything and too much. I don't call it a failure, I don't, and I'm not hard on myself about it. There was a one-time thing. The next day you move on, and it doesn't continue, and you learn for the next time. And then the next wedding, you remind yourself hey, remember the last one? What happened? We overdid it, we didn't feel good, we were sick after, we had a hard time going to the bathroom for a few days, you know, things like that. Just remind yourself over and over. And and if you have that relationship with yourself, then it's like you're you're working with yourself, you know. It's like when you work with your partner to work things out, to to live together, to do things together. Well, it's the same thing. You have to be able to love yourself and care about yourself and have those conversations with yourself. Um, and and the other thing that helped a lot was spending time alone, enjoying my own self-company. Because you build a relationship with yourself. Not that I didn't have one before, but with that mindset of not everything revolving around food, it was a different relationship I had with myself. So these things that's my strategy, and that's most important.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Yeah, I agree that uh depriving yourself to unhealthy foods can be really hard. Like, in my opinion, it can make people miserable. Like, I don't I don't picture myself being able to deprive myself as well. So I definitely agree with what you're saying. Uh listen, Jason, thanks for being vulnerable enough to share your story of weight loss. Um, I'm glad you were able to have the strength to persevere. Um, keep doing what you're doing and take care.