Trauma With a Purpose - Michele

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Amjitza podcast, the how I survived the series. In these mental health episodes, I'm creating a space for real conversations about the things we often keep to ourselves, our struggles, our healing, and the stories that shape who we are. Hello, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today on another mental health discussion. Before we begin, can you give yourself a little introduction?

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Hello, Daniela. Thank you so much for having me. I feel very honored and blessed to be on your podcast. My name is Michelle Lafamina. I am a clinical director, a worldwide speaker, an author, and a very grateful mom. I have lived with mental health challenges since I was a teenager. So that was kind of the catalyst which threw me down the road into the field I'm in. And, you know, I am an educated person, meaning I have the lived experience of mental health struggles, but as well, I've gone to school and I'm a therapist and a clinical director, as I said. And I deal with the population every day. Um very grateful for the work I do in the field, and I'm very excited to be here on this podcast. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Wow, amazing. Um, yeah, I always believe that the best education in mental health is to actually have live experiences, right? Now, would you say that those experiences shape how you understand and support others today?

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Of course, my personal experiences have helped me shape how I have compassion and empathy, a well of empathy and compassion and love for others, because when you are growing up and you're not getting certain things, you learn to give them to yourself and to reach deep into a place within to find them, and you don't always have them. So reaching in and reaching out to help others is become crucial to me. And having my personal experiences guide me and help me to how would my inner teenager react to this situation? How would my inner 26-year-old reply to this or deal with this? And, you know, when you have so many different traumatic experiences in life, you kind of are touched by so many different things in the world already that um it kind of gives you such a sense of understanding before the person even becomes into your life because once that person's across from you or next to you or near you, it's like I I already kind of know and sense their hurt and pain and and can help tap into and send them light just by being present with them.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Yeah, it's interesting how trauma can have people feel a certain way, right? Do you believe that events happened for a reason, either good or bad? I asked, because you are now helping others.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Yes. I do believe things happen for a reason. And you know what? For a long time I wasn't sure why things were happening the way they are, but as time went on, I realized things happened in my life that helped shape me. Um, and I had a lot of anger and I didn't understand. And uh I believe that some crucial life early childhood events created a lot of um distrust in the world and pain and uh intolerance to her children being hurt, and I felt a lot of um anger at certain individuals for a long time. And I think because of those early lived experiences, it allowed to shape me into believing yes, it happened for a reason. Because of my experiences, I've turned it around, healed from it through therapy, through God, through my faith, through writing, through recovery. I'm in recovery 26 years, clean and sober, and through step work and journaling and all the things that I was able to see, like those painful moments were really unfortunate events, but they were teaching me that one day I would be helping others heal their wounds and not be stuck in that place as a victim, but as a thriver and help them through their own traumatic experiences, grow and deal with and address, you know, feel, deal, kneel, and heal through their pain, through their process, and sit with them in their pain or their process and allow them the space to safely grow through it. Um, yes, I do believe everything happens for a reason. Nothing is by mistake in God's world. That's my personal feeling about it.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

I'm glad you were able to break cycles and work on yourself. Um, what do you think was the biggest turning point that helped you make that change?

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Well, I've had a couple turning points. There's been many pivots in my my life for sure. Um you know, when I was 19, I had a suicide attempt, and that was really um just such a hard time, and I just felt no purpose anymore. And I was just I felt invisible. I felt like a zombie. I felt like nothing in my life was important. I didn't feel important. I felt invisible, like I wasn't being seen at all. I didn't feel seen in my family, I didn't feel seen in life. I felt like everyone was, you know, my people from school were in college and doing their thing. And I I was too, but I didn't go away to college. I went to a community college at first, and it made me feel really less than others. And I saw people happy, and I was just struggling with major anxiety, PTSD. Um, I had multiple rapes in high school. So I was like living in a trauma bubble, and I had become a I had become a helper, uh, like as a victim's advocate for women who were sexually assaulted. And I would meet them at the hospital, yet I was unhealed from my own traumas. And I remember meeting this one woman at the hospital after, you know, somebody had pulled a knife on her and it was a sexual assault, and I had to do, you know, what I was supposed to do, go to the hospital weather and um, you know, the rape kit. And it was just, I didn't realize how triggered I was. And this is before I became into recovery from addiction. And I remember going home and just getting high. And I was like, what the heck am I doing? I can't live like this. This is just not good. Like I have so much pain and stuff that's unhealed, and I am hurting, and I need to address it. And um that was like a critical moment for me, definitely one of the pivots where I was like, there's stuff I need to address. Like the awakening and the awareness happened, and that was definitely um after my suicide attempt. Um and then there there was more. There was another time where years later, a few years later, I'm sitting with a client and she's talking to me about being sexually abused by her grandfather. And she is going into detail, and all of a sudden a light bulb went off in my head because I too, at like four years old-ish, was sexually abused by the same person, you know, uh a grandfather. And um, and I remember saying to myself, if there was a reason for that, when we talked about a reason for everything, I said I needed to know. So that was my reason. I say, I said, if there is God, which I I found later on, um after my suicide attempt at 19, that was like a whole big thing, and uh ended up going to church after and finding God, and he sent me this big angel, and it was like an amazing story, and it's all in my memoir. And uh here at this time, I'm sitting here and I'm like, wow, why why is this going on? And I said, you know, this is the reason. Please show me the reason. And here I am, years later in therapy with this woman. She's telling me about her experience being a little girl, same age, sexually abused by grandpa. And I was like, oh my God, this is why I went through what I did. Because here I am now, and I kind of shared this earlier when I opened that I went through it already because I was gonna help somebody else down the road. So that's exactly why we go through things, because it may necessarily not always be for us, it may be for us to help somebody through it to the other side.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Yeah, you know, sometimes it takes being at a really low point in order to decide to get back up. Um, you mentioned God. Would you say that having faith saved you in a way?

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Having faith absolutely saved me. It has been the corner of the rock. Uh God is, you know, my savior for sure, and the cornerstone of everything my life revolves around. I would be lost without my faith. My faith has been the biggest driving catalyst of healing for me and trusting and believing that even through the dark times, whether it's with me, my children, their mental health struggles, or the clients I work with, I always know that my faith will get us through. And it's been like a sounding board. And my favorite biblical line is Jeremiah 29, 11, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans not to prosper you, not to harm you, but to give you hope and a future. And in that alone, that just reminds me every time that God is with me, He's not against me, and He's here to help me, and He wants to see me succeed, He wants to see me grow, He wants to see my light spread to others to help and um just continue to be a catalyst of light for others in this world that is just so dark and fallen, and just to keep letting people know that there is hope in a future for your life, that he wants good things for you, and to just keep remaining strong in him and always turning things over to him because I could not go through the life and the experience I've been through without my faith. God gave me big wide shoulders, but he gave them to me with lots of issues, but he gave me his big strong arms to carry me through them too.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Wow, well said. Um, I'm glad you were able to lean on faith, especially when hope is lost sometimes. Um, how has your faith continued to influence the way you approach challenges today? Like, do you still have moments where your mental health is a battle?

SPEAKER_00 12:25

I think I will always have moments where mental health is a battle. Um, you know, I just came off a long run. February and March. February, I was on almost a two-week vacation and visited it was 11 days, but visited uh five countries on a cruise and it was amazing. And then I came home and within two weeks, I'm on a plane to Paris to speak at a global conference, and I brought my 18-year-old daughter with me, and you know, that was a surreal time. My daughter asked me when she was eight years old, when she graduates high school, if I would take her to Paris. And, you know, I gotta tell you, the last several years with my daughter has been very challenging and scary at times because she went through a lot of the same things I did. And I never wanted a lot of those things for her. And to see her finally pull it together and graduate, it was like, you know, she'll have a graduation this spring, but she graduated early, January 28th of this year. And, you know, within two a month and a half, we're on a plane to Paris. And I'm able to fulfill the promise I made to her when she was eight. And now I'm talking about the come down. Like um, I've been home from Paris for a few weeks. I got home on March 9th. The bombing had started the week before, so I flew out to Paris knowing there was a war going on, knowing things around the world were getting heavy. I was at an airport in Paris, you know, from Newark, and my plane was gonna take off right next to a plane leaving for Dubai at the same time. And because I'm such an intuitive, I had such horrible feelings. And I was like, God, I hope this plane to Dubai makes it. And at this point, there was no bombing going on in Dubai. And then by the time I reached Paris, final destination, my hotel room that night I'm watching TV. And within the overnight, Dubai had been bombed multiple times. And I was like, oh my God, it was like I felt the energy coming and it was overwhelming. So when I got home from Paris, when I stopped running from country to country, country to countries, when I was able to finally be home and breathe, it took me almost over a week to unpack my bags from Paris. I did not function well. I went to work and by one o'clock in the afternoon, my body was in shutdown mode because I was still on Paris time. And now I'm here back at work trying to function as the clinical director. And my mental health took a nosedive. I was in bed early. I would come home from work and I'd be in bed till from three o'clock till like 10 o'clock at night. And it was like, what is happening? I could not function well. And um, and I felt a sense of depression, like the letdown has come. Like I finally stopped running, and here I am, and having, you know, struggle with depression since I was a child, 11 years old, diagnosed with depression. Um, those bouts still come in. And, you know, of course I have faith, and of course I can pray, but I'm also human and my body can only handle so much. So all that running, all that excitement, and then the come down, it was just like, oh, you know. So now I'm at a state of balance and feeling so much better. And uh my mental health is in a much better place the last week, uh, feeling refreshed, renewed, and invigorated by the opportunities coming my way to share my light with the world, such as this. Thank you, Daniela.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Yeah, I agree that that's part of being human. No one is ever perfectly content 24-7, right? So, how do you usually cope when those moments of discontent uh come up for you? Do you have strategies?

SPEAKER_00 16:29

Yes, of course I have coping strategies. Um, I have therapy every Monday for the past several years, and I'll meet with my therapist and we'll talk about it. Sometimes I'll do a brain dump where I will write out my feelings, set my alarm for like five minutes, and just get it all out on paper if I'm really feeling jumbled and overwhelmed. And then I will also write, read, pray. Of course I'll pray. And sometimes I'll talk to people that I love. I'll, you know, I have a recovery sponsor, I'll run things by her. Once in a while, I'll talk to my sister. I will always talk to my boyfriend. He hears it all the good, the bad, the ugly. And uh sometimes I'll talk to maybe some co-workers about something, maybe that I feel, you know, comfortable with. And I don't know. I just I have some people in my corner that are supportive. And I will also go to my recovery home group and share what's going on with those people because they do care about me and my well-being and and how I per continue to progress in recovery and you know, life on life terms, and you know, that I never have to go back to being a slave to addiction. It's been 26 years, clean and sober. And uh and I and I want to keep it that way. So my net my children never ever have to see me as like a abusing person. Um, so I'm super grateful that I do have coping skills. And I think developing like a spiritual toolbox is essential for people in recovery and people who recover from mental health. You have to have a toolbox of things you can, you know, grab, whether it's like some mindfulness and prayer, meditation, doing some yoga poses, doing some um, you know, releasing some of the pressure through my body, through some body work, pushing on certain parts of my body to release some of the tension. I do a lot of that too. And uh I will try to get a massage at least once a month, but I'm a little behind schedule. No, not really. I had one in the beginning on the cruise, but yeah, that was over a month ago. Yep. So it's time for a massage because that definitely helps keep my body in alignment. But those are some of the things I rely on. Thanks for asking that question.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

It's always nice to have a team of people who genuinely want good for you. And it's also great to have tools that help you remain mentally stable, right? I'm glad that you get the help you need. Um, what advice would you give to someone who's still trying to find that kind of support?

SPEAKER_00 19:16

Well, I know this is unconventional. However, AI is becoming obviously really relevant, and even in the mental health landscape, it's very relevant. And I have personally even used AI for some of the things I've gone through to just get a quick response or help me to understand what's happening or going on, and sometimes it gives really great feedback, and that has helped me in times of when I already did my therapy session for the week, but I just need some really good professional, almost professional, right? It's not a paid therapist, but it is a good directive. It was a good directive and helpful to me. So I would use my chat GBT and be like, in this scenario, blah, blah, blah. And what could I do to help me? And I know not everybody has access to tools. A lot of people do, but there are so many websites, there's so many programs that I've seen geared towards mental health. Um, you could get online and see a professional through your insurance. Um, I'm a BetterHelp therapist. I've been one for years. And I also get my therapy for free through BetterHelp because I am a therapist on BetterHelp, which is awesome, you know? And that was a reason I kept seeing clients because I get free therapy, which is like such a bonus. Uh I would suggest looking for a therapist. I would suggest looking for support groups. I would suggest if you need medication or if you feel like you're in crisis, there's suicide hotline numbers. I give that number out to my clients all the time. There is support. You have to reach out for help. If you're feeling desperate, you know, go check to into the hospital. If you're feeling like you're gonna hurt yourself or you did hurt yourself and you did it because the pain is so deep, but you don't actually want to die. And it's more for like a cry to help for someone to see you and get you some services, go to the hospital, let them know. Um, you know, a lot of people struggle every day with suicide ideation. And I did for several, and I mean several years and almost decade, like at least over a decade. And, you know, there was like spiritual warfare all the time in my head, and uh those horrible thoughts. Sometimes it will creep in, and I have to remember whose I am, what I am, and the worth God has me here on this planet for. And I think for other people to find a relationship with a higher power, it's important and critical for mental health care to find some sort of higher energy that you can tap into to help you get to the other side.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

That's all really great advice. Now, as someone who has survived mental health challenges and trauma, what message or hope would you want to leave with others who may be walking in a similar path right now?

SPEAKER_00 22:39

I would let them know that they are worthy, that their story and their life matters, that they are not alone, that they're loved, that they're beautiful, that they're smart, that they're creative, that they're destined for great things, that they're destined to be here, that they don't have to just be a statistic and end their lives, that their lives can find meaning and purpose if they just stick and stay and wait for the miracle to happen. And it may feel like so many miracles aren't happening, but if they just hold on, I know what it's like to be at the end of that rope and just feeling like the light is completely out almost. If they could just hold on a little longer, hope is coming. And to me, hope stands for helping other people every day. You cry out for help, your team of helpers will show up. And sometimes there are angels among us that might come in as friends, they may come in as family, they may come in as total strangers, but they're definitely earth angels on this earth that are here to help guide us and love us through our challenges. They are not alone. Help is around the corner and to not give up. I also want to say that another acronym I love for hope is hold on, pain ends. And eventually it does. But if we have to stick around and stick through the messy stuff, the hard stuff, the uncomfortable healing process, and the hope will come. There's always a next day and always a new beginning, there's always another sunrise, and to not give up on themselves because they truly are a light that just needs to be rekindled and they deserve life, and they most importantly deserve love. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Wow, I like what you said. Hope is definitely on the way, and it's important not to give up. Uh listen, thank you again for joining me today, and thank you for sharing your success story. Um, keep doing what you're doing and take care.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

Thank you, Daniela, for having me. It's been an honor and a blessing to spend the morning with you. And I wish you much success in your life and on this podcast. And hopefully, this reaches lots of people and that can encourage and support them on their journey. God bless you all.