Good Distractions & Finding True Happiness - Laura

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Am Jits podcast, the How I Survived series. In these mental health episodes, I'm creating a space for real conversations about the things we often keep to ourselves, our struggles, our healing, and the stories that shape who we are. Hi, Laura. Welcome to the podcast. Um, thank you so much for joining me today on another mental health discussion. Before we begin, can you give yourself a little introduction?

SPEAKER_03 0:33

Hi, my name's Laura Moses. I connect people with nature in ways that transcend the ordinary. I own Finelines Landscape and Designs. We are an award-winning environmentally conscientious landscape company that specializes in native and medicinal plants as well as fruit trees. That being said, I really do everything when it comes to uh landscaping, big limestone landscapes, backyard patios, and I also do yard maintenance. I have another business. It's called the Woodland Awakenings. Uh, we are an event and retreat and workshop organization specializing in silvotherapy or forest bathing, art meditation, drum journeying, and the mindful use of plant medicines. My life is uh filled with lots of exciting moments and not so exciting moments. Um we um I approached Danielle for the reason of um I've lived a colorful life. And although I don't really think so, it's just what I've lived. Um, everybody who I tell my story to is really astonished at what I've been able to overcome and um just with a real positive attitude and um happy to move forward and expand and and live my life to the fullest.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Thanks for the introduction. Are you willing to elaborate on the not so exciting moments?

SPEAKER_03 2:04

In my early teens, uh I started doing drugs. I lived on the streets for a little while. My drugs of choice were ecstasy and cocaine. And I was highly addicted for about six years. Um when I mentioned to people the quantities of drugs that were consumed by me and my group of friends, they're absolutely blown away. Um, and then it's also followed up with that's not normal. Um, we really took it to the extreme. Over the course of that time, I did spend a period of time on the streets. Uh, I lived in a park and as well as a garage, and we did rent quite a few hotel rooms. I was always a functioning addict, so I always had a job. Um, and that's how we kind of supported our habit. Uh my friends sold drugs. So uh basically I would be the bank that started off, and then we would just support our habit through selling some and then consuming the rest. So we uh we took it, took it pretty crazy. Uh I've also um had my parents separate when I was fairly young. So I think that kind of had to do a lot with setting me off. I really disliked my mother at that time. Um, we have since kind of rekindled things, but uh that would probably be the major downfall in my life. I've learned that when I put a lot of toxins in my body, my body then responds by putting on weight. And when I was in the peak of my addiction, I weighed approximately 450 pounds. I didn't fit into a, excuse me, I didn't fit into a bathtub. Um, it was difficult shopping for clothes. It was difficult walking in narrow areas because I was constantly hitting things with my body. Uh, it was a real challenge. I can remember lots of people making fun of me. Um it's just uh not a fun life to be that overweight. It's it's very heavy on um someone's conscience. It's not the best way to describe it is you are sick. Um deep down, I'm sure anyone who is is really into the obese side of things kind of wishes they weren't that way, although they tend to not feel a way out of it. Um I went to school, uh, I didn't want to do drugs anymore, so I moved away and I just didn't look for it and I quit. Um and then I started over the next 15 years or so, I started my weight loss journey. Um yeah, that was quite uh exciting too. It's been up and down and up and down as it tends to be for most of us, but uh the most I was down in total, I figure was about 250 pounds. Um working now to get back down to that low. Uh, I had surgery to remove the skin. And after the surgery, I felt really bad for a year. I ended up getting really, really sick, um, especially kind of halfway through the year, and then more towards the end of the year, it ramped up. So it was uh it was a really difficult year. And again, I've also learned about myself that when I don't feel well, I eat poorly. So um that kind of brought back on a little bit of weight, but I'm now going to Everest this year. So I am training again and uh working my way down. So excited for that.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Well, you've been through a lot. Um, at what point did you decide to change for the better? Like when you had the will to be healthier, was there a breaking point? Like, how did you find the strength?

SPEAKER_03 6:16

For the weight loss? Um, well, let's start with the drugs first. Uh I it's not a lifestyle that I imagined myself in long term. Uh, I'm thankful that the voices in my head, my guides, as I like to call them, uh, they were always very loud. And although I tried really hard to make them stop, they never did. So I knew it wasn't a lifestyle that it was going to be a long-term thing. Um, and then I saw going to college as my out. So I knew if I moved away and didn't look for, excuse me, if I moved away and didn't look for um anything that I could overcome it because it's not something that I wanted to do. There was just so much bigger and better out there for me. Um I had my fun partying, but it was time to grow up and and make something of myself. For the weight loss, uh, it was children. Um I didn't want to be the mom at the park that couldn't keep up with her kids. So I went on a fitness journey and a weight loss journey. And then as I said, it's kind of fluctuated. I gained a lot back in between my two pregnancies. Um, so I went into my second pregnancy quite overweight. Um, and then the last time it was um I left my partner of 12 years. And so it was time to get hot again, as I like to say then. And I did really well that time around. I was my thinnest I've ever been. Um, and as well my fittest I've ever been. I was very fit. I was doing a lot of activity. Uh, and then as I mentioned, I had surgery and felt horrible for a year, got really sick. So now I'm back, and uh my new motivation is Everest, which I'm doing in um October.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Well, I'm glad you were able to reverse a few struggles. Um, and trying to reach goals like Everest must feel rewarding. Um, what did you learn about yourself along the way of your mental journey?

SPEAKER_03 8:48

I've learned that not just me. Um I actually find it very interesting that a lot of people can't flip the switch like I can. Um my perseverance, my my ability to stay focused on a goal until I have what I want. Um although I've learned that I I need a trigger, I need something big to really keep that motivation going. Uh, you know, it was my kids, it was really just celebrating me when I left my ex and now Everest. Um it's really flipped the switch in me again. So I don't understand how others can't. Maybe they just haven't found their switch, but um yeah, I wish uh I wish everybody finds their switch, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Yeah, I I love it when people better themselves according to um certain motivating factors, right? I find it really inspiring. Um, how do you stay consistent when challenges come up? Like, do you still have bad days?

SPEAKER_02 10:12

If anybody says they don't have bad days, they're lying. Everybody has bad days.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

You wouldn't have good days if you didn't have bad days because then everybody thing would just be meh, and we don't want that. We like having highs and lows. Um I don't think we particularly like it, but we wouldn't have one without the other, that's for sure. Um staying motivated. Staying motivated is super, super hard. Your why has to be big enough. Your why has to be an emotional thing. So when I was in my fittest, I started hiking the Bruce Trail, which is a 911-kilometer trail that runs along southern Ontario, kind of cuts through uh point-to-point southern Ontario. It goes from Niagara Falls to Tobermore. As a kid, I had a cottage up in Tobermore. So I'm very familiar with that trail up in the northern parts of it. But me and my mom always had a goal that we wanted to hike the Bruce Trail, do the do the whole thing in its entirety. So that year I started hiking the Bruce Trail and I've completed 211 kilometers. I've hiked nine days, maybe 10 days now. I'd have to work it out, um, on the trail. And um it's uh it was easy for me to do that when I was very fit. So uh when I was very fit, I could do, I was a weekend warrior because I live up in Kingston. Um so I would go down for long weekends and I'd do like 35 kilometers the one day and then finish it up with 25 kilometers. Then the year that I was sick um and healing that year, as well as the following year, I only got down a couple times. Um and because I had put on not as much weight as I had before, but because I had put on more weight and I wasn't as fit, like I could only do 25 kilometers the one day. And then the next day it was like 12 kilometers because I just I was way too tired to be able to complete that distance. So for this time around, my motivation, even though Everest is, I by the way, I'm not going to the top. I'm not even going up to base camp. I'll be two days before base camp. Um, but I do I am hiking on the mountain trail for 12 days. So because excuse me, because I had had the experience being very fit on trail and knowing how easy it was to move my body compared to now, um, where it's not going to be as easy. I don't want to die up on the mountain and not literally die, but with my muscle pain and back pain and uh leg pain and all the other pains that I'm gonna get for um long distance hiking. Um, so for this time around, my emotions are strong, knowing that I've already experienced hiking at a lower weight with more fitness. And I've also experienced it, you know, how I am now. So that's my motivation. And yes, staying motivated is hard, and getting up and going to the gym is hard, and taking care of yourself is hard, and all that is really hard. Yes, I agree. But you know what else is hard? Dying on a mountain when you wake up and can't move and know that you have eight hours of hiking ahead of you that day. Um, so I think hitting your emotional why and really, really, really figuring out that why for anything, whether it be getting fit or quitting smoking or quitting drugs or um whatever other kind of even, you know, help trying to fight depression. I I think that if you set yourself a goal and you're working towards that all the time, then you're gonna improve a little bit by little bit. Luckily for me, I have lots of time. I think I'm at 198 days before I go now. Um, so I wasn't gonna wait until the summertime to start training. No, I'm gonna start training now. That way I can maintain myself through the summer and then be ready come fall um and prepare to hike a mountain.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Yeah, I agree. I think finding your why is definitely important. Like it's easier when you place a purpose in front of a goal, right? Now, what advice would you give someone who's still trying to find their why?

SPEAKER_03 15:03

I think this all just goes back to happiness. Um what makes people happy and why does that make you happy? Why does it fulfill you? Why does it make you want to do what you want to do? Um, at least for me, it's always led back to my happiness. I didn't want to be on drugs. Yes, I love to party, but I didn't want to be an addict, I didn't want to be a drug user. Um leaving my ex happiness with my children, and then leaving my ex was just to find my happiness again in general. This, I love hiking, and I know that I want to um experience different cultures and live life my life to the fullest. I know that when you're in your younger years, sometimes it's hard to see beyond the veil, but everybody thinks that you know what you as you get older, you're like, well, I don't know what makes me happy. I've heard that way too many times.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

And you know, the funny thing is the things that made us happy when we were kids, they still make us happy as adults.

SPEAKER_03 16:24

Um when I broke up with my partner, um it was rediscovering horseback riding, and um hiking started coming into my life more, and uh I really started working on my rock collection again and buying shiny rocks because rocks are cool. Um and I started reading again and taking workshops and just going out and enjoying life. Um, I don't think life is meant to be lived inside a cubicle, aka your home. Um it should be outside, and I get that there are introverts, but even introverts don't mind having company once in a while. So if you can get out and enjoy it with someone else, it's just all that much better.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Yeah, no one wakes up wanting to be an addict, right? And when we reach true happiness, that's when we finally start living the life that we're meant to live. Um, do you find that you are now free from the things holding you back?

SPEAKER_03 17:33

Uh that's a really difficult question. I think that things come up day to day that hold us back.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Whether we act on them or not, that's uh I guess the other ball game, right? Um, we all have intrusive thoughts.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

Still, I I quit smoking cigarettes. Um, I don't know, maybe 11 or 12 years ago now, but still every once in a while I'm like, oh, I could really go for a cigarette. It comes and goes almost as or it goes almost as quickly as it comes, but like those thoughts are still there. It's just whether you act upon them. Um, when I have a couple drinks with my friends, I still have an urge to, you know, find some of the cocaine. Um, but again, it's it's in my mind and then it's right back out of my mind, just kind of as quickly. Um, almost like an intrusive thought at this point. Um, you know, the weight up and down. Like I love candy, I love cakes, I love all of the things that I should not be eating. Um, but they're delicious and they're addictive too. So sugar's in friggin' everything. It's so, so hard to give up sugar. I've been on and off it, on and off it, on and off it. Um, currently, I wouldn't say that I'm off it, but I'm not necessarily on it either. I don't go out of my way to look for it because I'm trying to make an attempt for Everest. So um, yeah, difficult question, comes and goes, but uh I guess focusing on that why, having that um thing to drive you. I'm also big on mantras. So my mantra right now is like, yes, this is hard, but Everest is gonna be hard too. So what do I want to be harder? Do I want it to be harder now or do I want it to be harder later? So my choice is harder now, so that way it doesn't have to be harder later, and I can actually enjoy my trip.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

Yeah, in my opinion, it takes strength to say no to things that make us feel good in the moment. Um, I think realizing the negative repercussions later on helps. Um, like how do you refrain from temptations?

SPEAKER_03 20:09

A lot of my um help has come from nature. Spending time in nature has been really um one of the greatest tools that I have discovered. And spending my time alone in nature, not with a dog, not with anybody else, just completely by myself. It's a completely different experience when you are all by yourself in the forest. Um, I've had some pretty profound experiences out on trail, um, some of which has kind of um made me look at spirituality in a different way. Um, so now that I know that I can open myself up more in nature, I seek that out. Um, that's probably my number one go-to. Um, being out in nature doesn't necessarily have to be being out in nature. In fact, I certified myself in silvotherapy for my um Woodland Awakening uh offerings. And so that's all about forest bathing. And the Japanese have discovered that like medically we need nature. And luckily for us, our brains are so unbelievably powerful that just by simply looking at a picture of nature helps us to um lower cortisol in the body and things like um all the stuff that stress causes. I'm not gonna even attempt to list off all of the hormones and whatnot that go crazy. But um, I have lots of art around my house that involves nature. It was made by myself or whether it's like an actual picture or painting of nature. I try to put that around my house so that way I can, you know, maybe I meditate for a little while while right above my TV, I'm looking at it right now. Right above my TV, I have a picture and it looks like just as if you were walking through the forest. Um, it's green, there's lots of trees, there's a little bit of a slope to it, it there's lots of debris on the ground. So it's just as if you were walking through a non-trailed forest. Um, and I get so much peace even just from looking at that. So um, if it's a really strong temptation, uh, like back when I was quitting smoking cigarettes or quitting drugs, um, I would use things like ice water, um, something a little more stimulating. I've even done the rubber band on the wrist just to get my mind off of whatever I was thinking about. Exercise has been an extremely powerful tool. And exercise is an extremely powerful tool for any sort of mental illness. Um getting into that routine of doing it is uh really what you you need to get into. And then even if you miss a couple days, it's okay. Um, you can just start back up again. There's there's no right or wrong, thankfully. Um and and really at the end of the day, you're your own worst critic. So you really only have yourself to answer to. So just just do it. Just get up. Just just get up. That's all it takes, is just get up. You have to take that first step. You have to, you have to overcome a little bit to get up. So for some people anyhow. Um, and yeah, I do get it. It is hard, but like I said before, I choose my hard. I choose effort now so that way it's easier later. Um, sometimes I fall off the bandwagon and I have to get back on my horse, so to speak, but that's life, right? We wouldn't have our profound successes if we didn't fall off the wagon once in a while.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Yeah, I learned the distraction methods as well, just like ice water. Um, I'm glad that you have the tools to be better. Uh listen, Laura, thank you so much for joining me today. To share your story. Um, keep doing what you're doing and take care.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

Thank you so much for the opportunity. Um, I really hope that your podcast takes you beyond your wildest dreams. If I could share any advice with the listeners um looking forward looking forward to the future is that um everything is temporary and uh you just gotta keep going. Um if you are struggling, then take a good hard look at what you're eating. Food really truly is medicine, and sometimes you just have to suck it up and eat what you don't like for a little while because your taste buds will change, and then you actually will start craving the healthier foods over the not so healthier foods. Um, Matt goes not only for weight gain, but really all of our mental struggles that we have. Food is medicine. Once you have food under control, get outside, get walking, go into nature. Um, like I said, it really does heal us. There's been lots of studies now that have proven they've gone into like uh looked at blood and uh hooked people up to the EKGs and looked at them before and after, and they followed them for 30 days. And what they found is you really only need to spend about uh a couple hours in nature once a month to get even the minimalest of benefits from it. Obviously, that goes up. Um, if you really want to make a big impact, then it's about once a week, but um, even once a month will do. And at very least, just look at a picture, put on some nature sounds and um takes take a walk, a guided walk through. I'm sure YouTube has them, where you can kind of walk through the forest and listen to the sounds of nature. Um, I highly recommend it. It really does lower cortisol, makes us more zen, it makes us um sleep better, it makes our cognitive function better, it it helps with just about every aspect of our lives. Um with our personal lives, I should say, our mental lives, our our bodies.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Anyhow, I hope that uh everybody has a wonderful um day or evening, depending on when you're listening. And thank you so much for having me on here. Bye for now.