Rising From Being Late Diagnosed - Suzanne

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the animated how I feel my theory. In this mental health episode, I'm creating a space for real conversations about the things we often do to ourselves, our struggles, our healing, and the stories that show who we are. Hello, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today on another mental health discussion. Um, before we begin, can you give yourself a little introduction?

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Hi, yes. Um, my name is Suzanne Plumley, and I am a late diagnosed autistic woman who has discovered later in life all about why she seemed and felt different all of her life. I am now a life coach who often goes and helps others understand what being late diagnosed is and that their life is not over, they're not in victim mode, they can rise above it. So as a life coach, I really help people come to find out that being late diagnosed is not such a bad thing, they can have a great life.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Oh wow, I love how you use your own experience to help other people. That's pretty awesome. How long have you been doing this for?

SPEAKER_00 1:24

I have been a life coach for nine, eight years. Excuse me, eight years now, and even though I only just got the uh certificate, I feel like I've been doing it all my whole life. I've been really helping people look at the brighter side of things, and I don't mean that in a toxic positive way, I just help them to change their perspective on how they might see something that could really bring them down for a long time and find a new alternative or a new way to look at something. Um for my life coaching, I yeah, I've gone through my lived experience quite a bit. And I feel like oftentimes in a spiritual way, I've had to learn what others are going through in order so that I can better really feel what it feels like. And it's been tough. So I want to grant everybody who is late diagnosed, particularly those who are CPTSD, which means that they are coming from a family that has not validated their emotional needs, their psychological needs, and try to treat them like they were just less than. So that's where the CPTSD comes in. So it's a double hit, and it can bring really bring someone down, and I understand that totally, as I say. I came from that, and I'm on the upswing now, and it feels great to know that I'm not just coming from a textbook. I'm actually helping people to come out of their challenges in a very uh well, I used to call it a torchbearer way. I was leading the way through my own lived experiences and helping people find their own answers, whether they use my similar ways to get out, or it helped them create ideas of their own. But yeah, it's been I well, I get certified in 2019. And uh for the long time it was hard for people to come out and admit that they were. Now I'm working with a group where there are so many of us, and it's just uh eye-opening. I do want to just correct one thing. I was just doing my math. Uh, 2019 to 2026 is seven years, not nine years. It was 2019 that I got certified.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Well, I love how you help people realize that there is a brighter side. Now, do you still have days where it's difficult to manage your mental health? If so, how do you get by?

SPEAKER_00 4:19

The challenge I have with my mother and her being um we'll call her covert narcissist, because that is what I've been learning through Dr. Romani De Versailles. So I'm not just pulling out that name. That is um a program, healing program I've worked through. I think the longest um I think the silence uh from a parent and the inability for them to totally meet you where you are at can be the most devastating. Now, I was married to um to a man and while we were divorced, that didn't seem anywhere near as difficult as being challenged by a parent who just couldn't give you the emotional needs. And there were days, and there are still days when I just am like, why? Why is she acting like this? Why can't she be the mother I always needed her to be? And she even self-professes through different lines, such as your father wanted a daughter, or every mother has a favorite, they can still hurt. And I don't know if any of your listeners get that too from their parents. Uh, but that's probably the most painful part of dealing with my mental health, is having on top of that a parent that just refuses to accept that you need more love than they're wanting to give, I guess is the best way to say it.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Yeah, honestly, I agree. Um, when people don't have that inner support system, uh, especially when it comes from home, it can be really challenging. Many people don't have uh parents who are there for them and who can understand. Um, have you ever been to therapy? I ask because sometimes even though when we don't have that support system, um we can always ask for help, which makes a difference.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Yes, funny you should ask that. Um, that is a big part of why I joined the organization where I got certified. I went through eight years of therapy, and not once did anyone bring up the idea that I was autistic. It wasn't until the very last therapist even mentioned the word codependency to me. Still no autism, but codependency. And I think that was helpful. I started to get into that, and then shortly after an accident, I had found this uh wonderful woman on a podcast, and I led found all of her work, and I got into her organization and what a difference that made. For me, it was highly spiritual, and yes, you have to translate for the sake for the um autistic mind. It's not all take everything and go. Although I did at the beginning, I now am discerning through what information works for the autistic mind and what needs to be softened a bit. And so now I go into helping people from a spiritual psychology point of view. So to answer your question, yes, I did get eight years of therapy. Yes, it was helpful at times, um, but I did find that I kept rehashing my past, whereas life coaching helps people to take their past and move forward.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Yeah, I like how um coaching is more about the future. Um now, if you don't mind me asking, how long ago were you diagnosed with autism and what characteristics did you have that made it be so?

SPEAKER_00 8:16

I was 51 when I got diagnosed, which was um back seven years ago. I found out from my organization because um one of the family members of the woman that I got into her work um was very familiar with other people who had autism, and she had questioned me, and that took me to a mental health facility where I was found out. Uh I sat through a two and a half hour um program of going through the DCM5, and she has said pretty much that yes, that I was definitely on the spectrum. There were a couple of things that really stood out as to the traits. One was audio processing. Um I would be listening to someone, and if they were mumbling or if they had a very soft voice, or if they were speaking in a different dialect or something, I would have a blank face on. I just could not process what they were saying. And that also comes out in being in very noisy places like a restaurant. I can't hear the person next to me because there are so many things in the environment that are making so much noise that I hear everything. My daughters used to laugh and say, Oh, yeah, I forgot you're deaf. Well, I think that's the biggest misnomer or myth is the everybody thinks that the autistic person is deaf. What they're actually hearing is too much noise, not nothing. They're hearing everything. Uh, another trait is sensory. Um I'm very affected by noise. Um for instance, a car that has a loud bass on it is very disturbing to me, particularly in my stomach. I just feel that vibration, and it really is uh uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. Not just uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. I can hear a car with a loud bass and up beside me on a road or coming into a parking lot that just drives me crazy. Certain smells can drive me crazy. So it's the audio, it's the sensory, and then I have a very strong justice meter where if something's not fair or even or equal, I'm the first to speak up about it. Now, here's an interesting thing. A lot of people think that autistic people don't speak, don't communicate. I happen to have a very large vocabulary. So you would call it um Asperger's, formerly Asperger's. But uh my challenges are more in the audio processing, the sensory processing, and dealing with a sense of uh justice, really wanting to speak out against it, and that came as early as fourth grade.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

Wow, thanks for uh being vulnerable enough to share your traits. I learned something new every day. If you don't mind, um, can you share what your ideal client is? Like what are people looking for when they come to you?

SPEAKER_00 11:34

My ideal client is the woman who has been in society finding work, but the work has been around retail or um something that is not directly in her um her field of expertise. Like I went to school for elementary education, but I could never get a job there because of the interview process. So my ideal client is the woman who is able to work, get up, get out the door, go arrive on time, is very loyal to her job, but she's just not working in the field where she was educated. And she likes the job, she likes it, but she's not fully satisfied, and she's definitely not paid for what her value is because she is what is called underemployed. That's what I go through a lot is underemployed. Um, I have abilities that I can now coach people in the work field who are autistic, and that's been wonderful. So I'm bringing both my life coaching and getting paid for it at the same time, but not directly as a coach. Um, my ideal client is the woman or the man who just wants to go back into society with confidence. They have the get up and go, they have the executive functioning to be there and on time and do the job, but they're just not feeling um that they're understood as well. I also want the individual who is dealing with family challenges, knowing how to be both autistic and get through the family environment that is rough. When they go to see family, they're just not having their needs met. And sometimes it's both. They're both in the working field not getting fulfilled, and they're in the home field not getting fulfilled there either. So I help them to become more of themselves, to become the best authentic person they can be, and pretty soon that does attract that does attract the right opportunities. And I know people are gonna be like, yeah, right. But I think you have to go in with the idea being that um if you can stay as positive and look at your situations as being a person of increase, giving more to the people around you, then it will come back. Part of my education in my um certification is to know that when you go into situations, you're being a person of increase, which means you're giving a lot to people, they are going to respond favorably. Now there are gonna be some people who are not, and you just have to let those people go because they're unskilled, but that's not a reflection on you. Um, I think if we can help people understand that there is a way to be uh very fulfilled as a late diagnosed autistic person, even though they have not received all the resources that someone going through school has received.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Wow, yeah, thanks for sharing. Now, on an ending note, is there any advice you can give to my listeners who might be feeling overwhelmed or who are lately diagnosed?

SPEAKER_00 15:09

For all your listeners, the biggest thing is know yourself, know what you like, know what you don't like, know what your strengths are. That is the biggest thing right there. When you can discover what your strengths are, then you're able to apply those skills to some of the challenges that you might be experiencing. And what I mean by that is let's just say that you have a strength in writing. That happens to be my strength. I'm just gonna use it as an example. When you have a strength in writing, then what you're able to do is to theoretically purge onto paper all of your feelings. And as you start to write out your feelings more and more, it becomes you become more and more aware of who you are. Sometimes we do have to just shut out the outside world. They're going to have their opinions because they don't understand.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Thank you for the great advice. Uh listen, I'll end it here. Thank you so much again for joining me today. Keep doing what you're doing and take care.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Thank you so much, Danielle, for allowing me to be on your podcast. I really think the more our voices as autistic coaches can be can stand out, the more people will feel like they're no longer having to be in victimhood. That there are people that can help them, truly help them, not just therapists who can try and help them. And I appreciate you letting me be on your show. Thank you so much. Have a great day.