Turning Trauma Into Purpose - Anonymous

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Am Jackson podcast about how I survived the series. In these mental health episodes, I'm creating a space for real conversations about the things we often keep to ourselves, our struggles, our healing, and the stories that shape who we are. Hello, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today on another mental health discussion. Um, before we begin, can you give yourself a little introduction?

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Hello. Um I am uh 48 years old, um live in uh Helena, Montana. Um I am a licensed clinical social worker. Um I have a private practice providing therapy um to people in the community, and also I do telehealth um sort of around the country. I'm licensed in several states. Um so, anyways, I do have a long history of um dealing with mental health problems and also have a pretty large family history of mental illness um in my family.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Okay, great. Thanks for the introduction. Uh, now I'm assuming you became a social worker due to your own experiences. Um, how long have you been a social worker for?

SPEAKER_00 1:30

I started my um master's of social work um program in 2005. I graduated in 2008 and then actually became licensed so in LCSW in 2011. Um I did other social work positions before I got my master's. Um so yeah, definitely um probably over 20 years um I've been doing social work stuff. Um primarily um focused on uh clinical work.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Okay, awesome. Um earlier you mentioned that you struggle with mental health as well. Um, I'm just curious, do you do you also receive uh therapy?

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Absolutely. Um I have done therapy off and on since um 1993 uh was the first time I experienced getting therapy. Um but um amazingly enough, um, with all the therapy I had for all those years, it wasn't until this last October that I finally figured out that um I had never found the right therapist, and I had not found the right treatment sort of modality to work on my own trauma. And so that's been sort of a game changer for me. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Okay, awesome. Um now what would you say is your favorite strategy to cope with mental health? And do you use the strategy with your own clients?

SPEAKER_00 3:20

I would say um really just basic um mindfulness and um breathing and grounding exercises are probably my favorite to use myself that I've done a lot of. And I also do, yes, um provide those and work with people um using those. Um I think it can be a very helpful place to start for a lot of people because so many people are in sort of that fight or flight. So that part of the brain is super activated for a lot of people. So um you kind of have to meet people where they're at, and a lot of times just working on that in the beginning can be really helpful.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Yeah, utilizing specific breathing techniques is definitely a common therapy method, and I do agree that it's a great place to start. Now, how would you define someone going through fight or flight? For those who aren't familiar, how does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Boy, there are um so many symptoms and ways that people um sort of exhibit fight or flight. Um, and there's sort of like the science behind things. So basically, um what we call the caveman brain um uh is what was developed, you know, thousands of years ago. We really needed to have that part of our brain to survive. Um and then obviously, as we've evolved as a species, um, we have the higher parts and the frontal lobe in different areas right of our brain. Um, but for people who have had trauma or, you know, stress and all different things that causes the fight or flight, um, which is housed in a brain, the the part of our brain called the amygdala. That's basically at the very base of our head, of our brain, and kind of connects to the spinal cord. Um, and uh anyways, when that's activated, when someone's in fight or flight, there's a lot of things, but people can be like jumpy, hyper-vigilant, anxious, um, having lots of like negative thinking and can have breathing issues, panic, anxiety, um, disturbed sleep. Um I mean, there's just a number of things that happen for people when they're in that sort of stressed-out state.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Yeah, uh well said, um, for myself, uh stress played a big part on my own uh flight or fight. I became very uh vigilant and anxious. Have you ever reached that point as well?

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Yes, uh absolutely. I've had various times where I've been in fight or flight. Um I I would say with the state of our country and the world, um, many, many people are sort of in this state of survival in fight or flight often. Um, but I have definitely experienced it. I have a diagnosis of um complex PTSD um from different trauma uh in my earlier years. Um so yeah, I mean absolutely it's it's an ongoing process. I'm continuing to um learn and practice um different uh coping skills uh that are helpful for me and definitely um uh nutrition and uh weight loss, just overall health really and spiritual. I mean, there's so many things I think that are important to um cover in terms of your own um and my own wellness journey.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Yeah, I agree that there's a lot of different factors that involve wellness. Um, if you don't mind me asking, can you elaborate on the trauma you went through and how you were able to overcome?

SPEAKER_00 7:45

So uh there's a lot of different um, you know, trauma I would say uh that I've been through in my life. Um, but I guess just really focusing on the significant um most sort of primary traumas is um I lost my father to suicide uh when I was 15 years old. Um and uh I had two pretty severe sexual assaults. Um one um when I was a teenager and one in my early 20s. Um I also um had an abortion at 17 years old um that um was not really my choice exactly. Um and um lost uh lost um you know several people, several friends to um to drugs or suicide over the years. Um anyways, um and really overcoming those. Um, I mean, a huge part has been support for me in my life. So um I've had a lot of family support from my mom and my stepdad, a lot of support from my husband, um, who I've been married to um for 10 years, but has been a big part of my life um since 2002. Um, of course, therapy. So therapy has been very helpful, um, but even more so in the recent times. Um, starting last October, I did a EMDR intensive and met this psychologist who has just played a um significant part in um just uh helping me process my trauma in a different way than I never that I had never done in my life. Um, so that's just been really good. So I see her now weekly, and I continue to do some trauma processing and EMDR, but um I've made a lot of progress. And so yeah, I guess that's um, yeah, you can let me know if you have any follow-up questions.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Well, that's a lot to go through. I'm really sorry you went through that. Um, but I I'm happy you had a great support system. I think it's really important to have that. Now, do you still struggle from time to time with your trauma?

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Yes, I still struggle um occasionally, um, but uh am doing just way better um than I was before. Um the thing that uh brought me to therapy again in October and finding the EMDR intensive is that um I spent almost three years in a really, really high-demanding, high stress clinical position with a big company. Um, and I became very burned out. And then in the end, um in the fall, around that time, um I had a couple cases and they both related to suicide. And um I got very triggered, and I from being burned out in my job, I just was not doing well um emotionally, and um I sort of had golden handcuffs because of how much I was getting paid and all the benefits, and it was work from home, so it just had all these perks, and um anyways, um it got to a point where I actually got fired from my job. So there's another um little trauma that I went through on January 16th. Um, I lost my job. Um, I don't think it was fair. Um, I did feel sort of targeted and discriminated against. But um, anyways, um that is what brought me back to therapy. And then just through that, um I've just been getting better. And uh losing or getting fired for my job was an absolute blessing. I could not quit, I could not leave on my own. So I think the universe just basically said, um, you're done. Like um, I needed that um because it was not good for me. And so although it was really tough for for about three weeks, um I got through that and um have made adjustments and I'm going back and building my private practice and um just doing what's best for me and my health. Um, but yes, occasionally I do go through things. Um, what I've noticed the most is that it's just way less severe. Um I'm able to handle uh my emotions much better in a healthier way. And when I do get triggered, it's it's much less severe. Um so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Well, you know, um I believe that sometimes things happen for a reason. Um even negative experiences um happen for a reason sometimes too. I'm glad you were able to pick yourself back up from being fired. Um now, if you can give advice to someone who might be going through something similar, or just someone who's lost, um, what would your advice be?

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Uh my advice um for anybody struggling would be um really just reach out for support. Know that um you are not alone. There's so many people around the world that struggle, and there's so many different ways to receive support. So um, yes, I think it's great to get therapy. Um, and if you do go that route, you know, just make sure that you find the right fit, and uh that means that you may have to try out a few before you know. Um and then if that's not an option because of finances or other things going on, um look for different support groups online. You know, there's NAMI, National Alliance of Mental Health, um uh just so many different things. There's a lot of suicide prevention um and suicide survivors uh resources out there. I mean, really, there is just a plethora. If nowadays, if you go online or even chat GPT and ask um, what are the best resources out there? Um and um I think just um telling yourself that um life is hard and it's really normal to struggle. And again, you're not alone. And um reach out to somebody, talk to somebody, let someone know what you're going through, and um really getting to a point where you can ask for help. Um and yeah, I guess that would be my biggest piece of advice, and just uh sending out um love and hugs and uh good vibes to everybody out there. Um, yeah, anyways, thanks so much.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

That's all really great advice. Um, listen, I'll end it here. Thank you so much for joining me again. Um, keep doing the work you do and take care.