Journey With Anxiety & Depression - Gwen

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Am Jackson podcast with the How I Survived series. In these mental health episodes, I'm creating a space for real conversations about the things we often keep to ourselves, our struggles, our healing, and the stories that shape who we are. Hi, Gwen. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today on another mental health discussion. Um, before we begin, can you give yourself a little introduction?

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Hi, my name is Gwen. And I struggle with anxiety and depression for um probably since being a teenager and on.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Thanks for the introduction. Um, would you say that your anxiety and depression is worse since you've been a teenager or better or the same? And do you have uh coping strategies to help?

SPEAKER_01 1:05

My depression and anxiety, I believe, started when I was about probably 13 or so. And yes, it seemed it it progressively got worse. Um in my 30s, I did go on an antidepressant and stayed on that for about 20 years. Um recently got off it um with the help of Haukunst Medicine, and I'm a practitioner in that. And um coping strategies, yeah, it's uh good good food, healthy, healthy food, walks, um, you know, exercise, talking to friends. Yeah, trying to keep myself grounded in different ways.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Well, I'm glad to hear that you have all these great uh coping strategies. Um now would you say that your depression is situational? Like, did something happen uh specifically to cause the depression? Because I know that some people can't uh pinpoint a situation that caused their depression, and some can, so I'm just curious.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Yes, I feel it started from um my childhood, grew up in a family with an alcoholic father, so a lot of secrecy, a lot of you know, suppressing what I couldn't say. So that's where I feel that it might have started, but I also feel that um, or know there's a tendency in our family for people to have anxiety, depression.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Yeah, that's rough. Uh thanks for sharing. Now, can you elaborate on what depression and anxiety feel for you? Like what is your mind going through when you're having an episode?

SPEAKER_01 3:23

My mind cycles just uh the same thoughts over and over again. It could be that I'm not good enough. Um, nobody will love me, I'm unworthy. Uh, you know, I'll maybe never be good at what I want to be good at. Um yeah, it's it's very negative, it's self-deprecating. Just just constant, constant um you know, anxiety in the stomach, just constant anxiety.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Yeah, I hear you. I think it happens for a lot of us, including myself, where we think negatively about ourselves and we have racing thoughts and just we don't feel that worth. Now, um, depression and anxiety have ups and downs. Um, are you able to acknowledge the good days? I asked because many people find it difficult to focus on the good. You know, the bad tends to overpower. So I'm just wondering if you're able to acknowledge your good days.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Yes, I can acknowledge the good days. But yes, absolutely, the negative is very, very strong, of course. But yes, good moments, good days, I definitely can acknowledge them.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Okay, awesome. Um now you mentioned you had an alcoholic father. If you could go back in time and speak to your younger self, um, what would you say?

SPEAKER_01 5:11

I would tell myself that it's not about me. But I internalized it so much. Um, you know, the the secrecy and not being able to talk about it. And it wasn't about me, it was about his own journey.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Yeah, I think that's well said. You know, for the most part, people tend to personify and blame themselves when it's really not their fault. So I think saying that it's not about you um is a great way of viewing it. Do you still have a hard time talking about it?

SPEAKER_01 5:55

About my father's alcoholism? No, I no, I talk about it actually quite a bit. Um, he's past now, both my parents. But I feel it's important for people to realize that you know our parents' journey, yes, it shapes us and molds us and gives us all kinds of things to overcome. But it was their path.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

Yeah, I think you know, people tend to forget that um as much as parents are there to guide us, um, they have their own story and their own path as well, right? And sometimes it's hard to break those cycles. As much as you know, you struggle with depression and anxiety. I think you've been able to uh overcome and you know break those cycles. So so um that's awesome. If you don't mind me asking, do you know why it's easier now to talk about um your father's uh alcoholism? Would you say that with time it just got easier?

SPEAKER_01 7:07

I did some did some therapy in my 30s, um, went on the antidepressant. Um yeah, I mean, I think I talked about it not necessarily to him because I couldn't do that. Um, you know, a couple times over the years, definitely tried, but again, you know, it was like, well, no, the message was no, you don't talk about it, like you don't approach me with that. But with other people, no, I feel it is important to talk about it. And yeah, once I was in my 30s, you know, maybe even before that, I I definitely talked about it to anybody and any, you know, and everybody that would, you know, was interested and wouldn't listen and could relate and maybe experience the same.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Yeah, I think talking about it is definitely essential. Um now on an ending note, if you can give advice to people who are going through something similar, um, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Seek out the supports, you know, whether it's therapy, whether it's you know, alternative or non-mainstream um you know, supplements. Yeah, it's and it's it's a lot of times it's cyclical where you're gonna have good periods, you're gonna have, you know, possibly not so good periods. Um yeah, and journaling, you know, reading about whatever, you know, the issue was that possibly got you there, whether it was childhood abuse or you know, family of alcoholism, um, you know, emotional abuse, whatever it may be, to try to get yourself in a better state of mind and understanding that you know you were not the the you know the the person that possibly did you wrong, it was their issue, and we have to try to come to terms with that.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

That's really well said. Uh thanks for the great advice. Um, so listen, Gwen, I'll end it here. Thank you so much for joining me today again. Um, keep doing what you're doing and take care.