"Were Not The Problem" - Kimora

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Amjits podcast the How I Survived series. In these mental health episodes, I'm creating a space for real conversations about the things we often keep to ourselves, our struggles, our healing, and the stories that shape who we are. Hello, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today on another mental health discussion. Um, before we begin, can you give yourself a little introduction?

SPEAKER_01 0:33

Hi, my name is Kamura and I also have a podcast. My podcast name is Mind Dive, where I talk about, like I said, everything from just mental health and just more so problems that we go through as like young adults going in, like going through like our adolescence, whether that's you know, the depression, anxiety, some people struggle with not knowing what they want to do after school, or just all around issues we may face in life. Not only do we talk about mental health, we also just to also sorry, excuse me, just talk about things that are going on just like the day-to-day world and just how just how we can improve all over and all around us people.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

Oh wow, that's awesome. It's always nice meeting uh other podcasters. Um, now would you say that you struggle with mental health as well?

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Yes, I would definitely say I did. I'll say back in middle school was like really hard for me. I did struggle with like depression, kind of just had like low self-esteem, low confidence. But like as I've just progressed, I really just kind of went on like my healing journey and just like went back to see like what type of things just really like triggered me and made me feel the way I did. But when I was younger, I definitely had a lot of issues, but like thankfully, I was able to just like see my problems. I'm very self-aware, and I'm overall just in a better place. I'm happy now. So that's that's a great thing.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Well, I'm glad you were able to overcome. Um, what made you gain your confidence back?

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Um, to be completely transparent, my depression more so stem from my environment. I had like a pretty like toxic, verbally abusive environment, and that really wasn't the best place to be. Um, I would get told how I was worthless, I wouldn't do, I would never be anything, uh nothing good could ever come for me. And I was saying that as a young child from I don't know, like 10 to you know middle school, elementary school, even to high school, and even as I'm entering like my adult ages now. Um, but as I got older, I really realized I am not the problem. Because you're so hurt, you wanna you wanna project your feelings and project your pain to me. And I was I'm very self-aware, so I was able to see that, I was able to realize that I am not the problem. I'm a good decent person. I am. I I I've sometimes I could tend to value myself based on what I can do for other people, and I had to realize that's not the best way to be, or that's not the way I need to live. What really helped me on my healing journey is I really kind of I went somewhere by my I isolated myself for months. And most people think, oh, I'm by myself, that's lonely. It can be that way, but self-isolation was the best thing that could ever happen to me because I didn't know myself. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know who I was. But because I was able to really sit somewhere and go somewhere by myself, I asked myself questions. Okay, Kamora, what triggers you to feel like this? What made you hurt? When somebody does uh these type of things and behaviors, why do you react like this? Why when somebody says this, you want to crash out? I got to the sub I got to the point where I isolated myself, I asked myself questions. Okay, what can make you better? Then I realized I really wasn't a problem. I was just more so, I guess the product of just the verbal abuse that I went through. But like I said, I'm not that. I realized that the people who hurt me had a problem, and because they didn't heal, they wanted to project the pain. But I'm like, I don't want to be you, I don't want to hurt like you. So I'm gonna take necessary steps to make myself better.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

I think questioning yourself was the right thing to do, and realizing that you're not the problem is important as well. Um, would you say that your childhood journey led you to help other people through your podcast? Many people say that their trauma led to where they are today, so I'm just curious.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

I'll say to an extent it was a good thing that I did because sometimes we could get so self-consumed that we really are the problem. And because we're so like I guess self-consumed, we can't see that. So sometimes it is good to okay, am I the problem? Did I actually do this? Because we might not, in our head, we're not doing anything wrong, but in reality, we are. So to an extent, that is good that I question myself so that I could really just like observe, like, okay, what was I the bad guy in the store? And as I got older, I realized I wasn't. I wasn't. Um, but it's not always good to second guess yourself too much because that, like I said, you can get to the point where you don't know yourself. Like you have to second guess every action, every choice, every decision. And sometimes that's not always healthy. Like, yeah, it's good to I guess think about certain situations before you get yourself into it, but all the time that's not good. And I would say my childhood trauma, mm, to an extent, yes, but at the same time, not really. Um, just me being who I am, I have a very helping spirit. Um, what really led um me to do this, so I also have a program that I do at high school, kind of like a big brother, big sister type of thing. And I have my brand, which is uh mind dive. Whether it's my school program or my podcast, or I do a lot of community, you know, outreach, I do a lot of community projects, just whatever I can do. All that is tied under my mind dive brand. And mind dive itself, my brand is representing helping people. So there was a point in my life where I felt alone. I had nobody. I wish I had somebody. I see people with all these groups of friends, I see people, they have four or five friends, they always hang out. And it wasn't my it was never like a jealousy type of thing, but I was just like, man, I wish I could have that. When I was in the peak of my depression, when I was crying every day, when I was just having bad thoughts, I'm like, I wish I could have somebody. I wish I had somebody to talk to, I wish I had somebody to turn to. And that was never the case. A lot of the hardship that I went through, I went through it alone by myself. I never had anybody. So what I put in my head is I never want somebody to feel the way I felt. Never. I want to be the person for people I wish I had. I wish I had. So that's what stemmed all of this. I want to I wanna be you you you want a big brother, a big sister, or a mentor, somebody to talk to. You're having a hard day, you have nobody to vent to. I want to provide a safe space where you could talk. Where you never have to feel judged, or you never have to feel embarrassed, or you never have to feel ashamed. I want to provide a safe space where you could be yourself, and you never have to question anything. Ever. So that was more so the motivation behind me wanting to do everything.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Yeah, I think having a support system is definitely important, um, especially having people who can listen and try to understand what we're going through, right? How are you right now? Do you still feel alone? Or do you have people who are there for you?

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Honestly, I'm doing amazing right now. I'm extremely blessed. Um I'm doing great. Everything that I'm I wanted, everything I'm starting to want for myself is coming in. Like all my goals, I'm achieving them. My thoughts, like everything's I'm doing great right now. I'm happy. Honestly. For the first time though in a while, I am truly happy. Like I am. I'm I'm I'm proud of myself for doing the work. It's been a long, hard, exhausting journey. It's been extremely hard, but I'm just so thankful I made it out. Um, I'm not lonely. I got I got some good friends. I don't got a lot, but I got I got a few good ones. Um I'm happy. I'm doing very well for myself right now. I'm doing very well.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Wow, that's great. Um, what does happiness look like for you? Some people might say that success makes them happy, or even material things, or you know, having people who care about you. What does happiness look like for you?

SPEAKER_01 9:50

I'd say happiness for me looks like just being in a peaceful environment. Being around people who love me, who's genuine to me. That that's we we don't have to we don't have to spend no money, we don't have to go out to the amusement park. We could just sit somewhere in the parking lot and just have a good laugh. That would make me happy. I don't require much. I just like being around people who are genuine to me. And being around people who love me for me, and I could be myself around you. That's that's happiness for me. I don't require much. That's enough for me. Just sitting with my friends, family, having a good time, not family, friends, and that's enough for me, honest.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Yeah, I think it's the simple things that mattered the most, right? Now, if you were to give advice to people who might be going through depression or just feeling lonely, uh, what would your advice be?

SPEAKER_01 10:51

My advice would be uh I know it doesn't seem like it, but it will get better. Not to sound like anybody else, but it will be. Keep going, keep striving. Always choose you. Always. Don't ever change yourself to appease nobody. Don't ever value yourself based on what you could do for somebody else. Don't ever second guess yourself because somebody told you you weren't good enough. You you weren't you weren't enough. You need to tell yourself you are enough, you do matter. You do don't ever change yourself, ever. Unless you're the problem, then maybe you gotta change yourself. But always be true to yourself. Always don't quit. I know I know it's hard. I know it seems unbearable. I know you seem like you can't make it to the tomorrow. I know it seems like you can't make it to the next day. I've been there. You are enough. I know you wanna stop, I know you wanna keep give up, but just keep going. It's a little bit longer. It's not gonna hurt forever. It's not. Just keep going a little bit longer. That's my message I would give.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

I think many people don't see their worth, so I think your advice is really, really good. Um, listen, Kimura, I'll end it here. Thank you so much for joining me again. Um, keep doing what you're doing and take care.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Thank you so much. If you could just let your followers know where to find me, I am most active on Instagram, and my Instagram is i.m.e underscore mora. M-O-R-A-A 2A's. And I'll also text you that. Uh, I just want to say thank you. Just thank you for having me.