Unmasking True Colors - Tami

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Am Jackson podcast. How I survive the series. In these mental health episodes, I'm creating a space for real conversations about the things we often keep to ourselves, our struggles, our healing, and the stories that shape who we are. Hello, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today on another mental health discussion. Um, before we begin, can you give yourself a little introduction?

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Hi, Daniela. Thank you so much for having me on the podcast about mental health. I am Tammy Goulet, founder and owner of Speak Your Soul and a woman who has suffered and survived and overcome mental health for most of her life.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Oh, nice. Um, if you don't mind me asking, what has life been like mentally before you overcame?

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Life was a struggle. I would be smiling and showing a mask of happiness to the outer world, but inside I would be second-guessing myself, feeling insecure all the time, catastrophizing, worst-case scenarios, um constantly worried, constantly feeling like people were judging me. It was it was a struggle because on one hand I looked fine, but on the other hand, my mind and the mental health aspects of it kept taking me down dark rabbit holes that were quite frankly scary, frustrating, and would anger me at times because uh if I looked at my life, you know, it looked good, but I always felt like something was wrong.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Okay, wow. So how were you able to leap from insecurity to feeling content? Do you have strategies that help?

SPEAKER_01 2:19

I do. I have used multiple different strategies throughout um my life in dealing with this. One of the strategies that I'm currently um using is the one where I am not my thoughts. So because I can realize that I am having insecurities, because I can realize that what my thoughts are trying to tell me are not true, I realize that I am not my thoughts, because if we were our thoughts, we would only be able to have one thought at a time. We wouldn't be able to see the opposite. So because I've realized that I have been able to recognize and pull myself back from catastrophizing by recognizing that my brain is doing its job. It's trying to keep me safe, it's trying to keep me secure, it's trying to keep me held and protected. And so instead of fighting it and arguing with it, I speak to it as if it's a person outside of me or something outside of me, and I explain that I'm doing this anyway and that I'd like it to come with me because I want it to continue to keep me safe, but I am safe now and I am choosing to do this. And so let's go forward together. Um, I also have other tips and tricks and tools that I use. Let me know if you like those as well.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Wow, that's a really great quote. We are not our thoughts. I like that a lot. Um, so would you say that happiness is a choice?

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Yes, I would say that happiness is a choice, but I'm gonna add a caveat to that because happiness cannot be faked. And we cannot ignore our other feelings and just say, oh, well, I should be happy, because that is actually making yourself feel even worse. So while happiness is a choice, you do have the choice whether to stay down and see the doom and gloom, or choose to see the brighter and the happier and the lighter aspects of life. There are times where we do go dark, where we do um feel bad, or we're angry, or we're feeling really sad, or grieving, or mourning, or you know, uncomfortable and frustrated. And the biggest piece of all of this is not getting mad at ourselves when we feel those lower feeling emotions, when we feel like we're upset and unhappy and grumpy and frustrated, and instead actually ask them what they are trying to tell us. Why are they here? What in us are we ignoring that we need to better understand about ourselves or learn or heal or hear? And then once you actually acknowledge those feelings and those ick sensations, we can often find that they just needed to be heard and they go away. And there are times where I will tell some people who I work with to throw themselves a pity party to get it all out because our bodies cleanse and heal when we cry, when we yell, when we scream, but it needs to be in a very healthy manner because we don't want to be bleeding all over everybody else around us for things that are happening within us and are our responsibility to deal with and to heal. Um so I guess that answers the question, but happiness is a choice, but you can't do it by pushing aside all of the other emotions because then you bottle it up and you explode at one point.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Yeah, well said. Um, I agree. I think that it's important to acknowledge all our feelings, even the negative ones, in order to heal, right? Now, do you also think that negative experiences happen for a reason?

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Hmm. That's a tough one. Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. And what do I mean by that? So sometimes, especially when we're younger, things happen to us that um we really have no control over. Like we there is no way that we asked for what happened to us. And while I want to say that, you know, everything happens for a reason, and I do tend to believe that, or maybe it's more I believe that there's a reason why everything happens, and we can learn something from everything that happens to us. Not that we ask for it, not that it happens because it's or preordained to happen or anything like that, but the same way we can choose to be happy, we can choose to learn and grow from anything that happens to us rather than continue to let that situation or circumstance define our life moving forward. So I have experienced all forms of abuse, I have experienced medical issues that um you know I didn't ask for, but they happened. And I broke both my ankles, and so while all of those things happened to me, it is up to me to decide how I respond and react to them, and I think that is where our biggest choice lies, and our biggest everything happens for a reason should be asked is how are you responding to it? Because that is where you will find sometimes miracles within the trauma, and that is where you will find the reason for you and your definition of the reason for you as to why it happened.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

So the experience itself is not meant to happen, um, but it's in how we respond to those experiences, right? Really well said. Now, would you say that that's how you overcame your own trauma?

SPEAKER_01 9:53

I would say it's how I have integrated my trauma into my life using the strengths that I learned from it. I don't know if we ever truly overcome a trauma. It exists in us, it becomes a part of us, it becomes a part of our story, a part of ourselves, a part of our DNA. And we will often come up against it as we continue to grow and heal and experience new things in life. And there's nothing wrong with that because it's like anything else. It's if you think of a happy memory, right, and you think of something wonderful that happens, you will remember it at different times in your life in different ways and in different aspects, and it will bring back the feeling. Well, traumas are the same, but it is in the way we respond and integrate and heal and learn from it, that's what we can start bringing forward and remembering rather than the trauma the day of it's acting, you know, like if if a trauma happened when I broke both my ankles. As I think about that now, instead of remembering the actual trauma of breaking both my ankles, I'm remembering what it's given me and what how my life has changed since then in the pot for the positive and for my greater good. And that is what I mean by we never really get over and fully heal from our traumas because they just become a part of us. But I am turning the trauma into a positive the further along I go and continue learning from it and continue healing from it and continue growing from it. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Yeah, that makes sense. I think that's actually the best way to deal with trauma. Um, the idea that we can integrate a positive aspect to the memory is something that's important. Now, if you were to give advice to my listeners who might be feeling lost and uh surrounded by negative thinking, what would your advice be?

SPEAKER_01 12:27

I would say my advice first and foremost is you're not alone. That there are others like you out there who are going through the same thing or something very similar that you are, and just because you can't see it on their faces or in their eyes, or you know, in looking at them, you really are not alone because so many people hide mental health issues, they hide how they're feeling and thinking, and some are just better at it than others. Um, and I don't know if really that's a good way to put it because you know, if you hide it so much and you don't acknowledge it and you don't face it, you can never heal from it. Um the first step in healing is acknowledging that you are suffering and that you are struggling and that you you need help. And so first and foremost, you're not alone. Second is reaching out for the help. And I'm not necessarily talking to your friends um because sometimes they really can't help, and sometimes you're not comfortable talking to them about it. I'm talking about reaching out to your doctor, to a therapist, to a social worker, to someone who can help you, who only has your best interests at heart, who is only looking at you and what they can do for you, how they can help you. And that is the best way you can start moving forward and healing from this. There are gonna be good days and bad days, and you're gonna struggle, and you're gonna be happy, and then you're gonna struggle again, and you're gonna try and figure out why. And you just need to realize that life is like the ocean, it ebbs and it flows, and it will always continue turning just like the sun and the moon do, and we have days and nights. Our life is exactly the same, and so it's the same with our mental health as well. But there is hope, and there are people out there who are available to help you, and I think that's the biggest thing I can tell people is sometimes you can't do everything on your own, and you do need that extra person and that that hand to hold and that shoulder to cry on and that hug. So reach out.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yeah, well said, I think the first step is to accept help. And I do agree it makes all the difference when you have a support system, right? Thanks for all the great advice. Um, listen, Tammy, I'll end it here. Thank you again for joining me today. Keep doing the great work that you do and take care.