Breaking The Cycle - Crystal

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Angus Podcast. How I survive the series. In these mental health episodes, I'm creating a space for real conversations about the things we often keep to ourselves, our struggles, our healing, and the stories that shape who we are. Hello, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today on another mental health discussion. Um, before we begin, can you give yourself a little introduction?

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Hi, everyone. My name is Crystal. I'm 43 years old, I'm a wife, and I'm a mom. I work full-time and I have a slew of side hustles, but more importantly, I've learned that I carry a lot of unresolved childhood trauma into my adult life. Also, at the same time, I have spent many years parenting a child through her own mental health challenges. I'm not an expert, but I am ready to share my experiences with you.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Well, thanks for the introduction. Um, are you able to elaborate more on the trauma that you experienced?

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Yes, of course. Um, as a child growing up, my father struggled with his own mental health. It was undiagnosed and often self-medicated with alcohol and drugs. So whenever he was frustrated or angry, he would resort to physical and emotional abuse, uh, not only towards me, but also my siblings as well. Um growing up in that type of environment really shaped my life in ways that I didn't even fully understand until much more recently.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Wow, I'm sorry you went through that. Uh, now how has your relationship with your mental health changed since the trauma? Like, how were you able to overcome?

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Wow, that's a really good question. One that I've never really sat down and thought about. I think growing up, my main focus on life was always go to school, do what you need to do to get out of this household. Um, as I've gotten older, my relationship with my dad changed. He was finally diagnosed, started taking his medications, stopped relying on self-medication uh with substance abuse. And one day he really sat me down and told me that he was sorry that he wasn't a better, better father. So that really helped me kind of move past the hurdle of that trauma in a sense. Although honestly, I don't really have a lot of childhood memories. The few that I have are not great. Um, and it's just something that's I've just kind of put behind me. My dad's apologized for it. We've he's now deceased. So for me, I've really just been keeping with the attitude, you know, why should I be holding on to this? It happened, it was part of my life, it made me the person I am today, and I'm incredibly strong for it. I have wonderful children. I've raised them to be amazing people. And I think at the end of the day, all I can do to cope and live with it is to just continue being uh the person that I've always been.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Well, I'm happy you were able to overcome and you know break that cycle. Now, earlier you mentioned that um you're raising a child that has mental health challenges. Would you say then that there's a genetic factor to this, or is it more situational?

SPEAKER_00 3:53

That's another really good question because I've thought about this a lot. Uh, my daughter, who is now 23, she was diagnosed with mental health challenges back when she was 12. Um, and it didn't really come out of nowhere for us. Uh, she was diagnosed with an eating disorder, um, anxiety, and depression. And thinking about it then, we were completely caught off guard. She has a very happy, normal home life. Um, but there is a genetic component. Both of our families, my husband and I, we each have a parent who struggled with uh mental health, whether that be bipolar, um manic, depressive, schizophrenia, a variety of different mental health challenges. Um I think you have to start to wonder if there really is a genetic component or if it is, you know, just something that happens by circumstances. Uh, my daughter's situations, it really all helpened through school and the friends she was associating with, they were uh they were just bullying her to the point where she just couldn't handle it anymore and just you know, became too much for her.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Yeah, bullying will definitely affect a person's mental health. Um now, while while I wish you hadn't gone through those experiences, um, it's clear that they've shaped your resilience. Um, do you feel you've reached a place where you can see those experiences as part of your story, not because they were good, but because they've influenced the way you show up in the world and the way you connect with others?

SPEAKER_00 5:46

I think looking back, I can I can say with clarity that growing up the way that I did and helping my daughter through her mental health challenges really put me on a path to learn that I need to listen more. Listen and just try to understand and accept the way someone else is feeling. Uh, with my daughter specifically, I really struggled with understanding how she got into that place. She had a very good home life, she had loving parents, she was doing well in school. Um, but what I had to learn was that it's not always about what someone else can see. It's how that person internalizes it and sees it for themselves. So I really had to try and listen more rather than trying to figure out what had happened. It's not my place to know or to understand what happened, but really to just listen and be supportive and you know continue on a path that allows me to help people when I can.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Yeah, it's uh very common for people who struggle with mental health challenges to have everything align perfectly in their life, right? Um, as an outsider looking in, it can seem shocking. Um now over the years, um, have you discovered coping strategies that you've passed down to your daughter?

SPEAKER_00 7:17

I'll have to give most of that credit to Chio. She my daughter had an amazing team there who really gave her many amazing coping mechanisms. Um, my daughter and I talk almost daily. Um, just recently she was having a very bad day, and I told her, you know what, just go in the shower. Um, she didn't want to. I said, just go in the shower. Even if you keep your clothes on, jump in, turn the water on. Um, it will give you a mental reset. And uh it's something that I do, and I know that she did it. Um, and afterwards she told me she felt a little better. So I think as far as coping mechanisms, you really just have to keep trying things until you find something that works for you.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

That's cool that you said that. My mom actually says the same thing to me. Now, if you can give advice to my listeners who are listening who might be going through a hard time, um, what would your advice be?

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Speaking from my own experience, a piece of advice that I can give is don't wait as long as I did to uh try to understand the pain that you've dealt with. Healing doesn't happen because time passes, it happens when you're willing to face what's been hurting you. Um, also asking for help is not weakness. You don't have to carry everything alone. Uh, and one thing that I've always told my daughter maybe not advice, but at least a suggestion. Um, what happened to you doesn't have to define you, it happened and will always be part of your life, but there is hope and healing, and everyone deserves that.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

That is all really great advice. Thank you, Crystal. Um, listen, all in it here. Thank you so much for joining me again. Keep doing the great work that you do and take care.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

Thank you so much for allowing me to speak with you today. Um, I wish you all the best of luck with this podcast. Um, you are giving many people tremendous hope. Um, and keep doing it.