She Lost Her Dog. Then Came the Words That Hurt Even More.

In Episode 5 of Long Live Dogs! Pitbulls & Pet Grief, we tackle a painful reality many pet parents face after losing a beloved dog: feeling misunderstood in your grief.

Joining us is Rita Barretto, who shares her personal journey through pet loss and the challenges that came when others didn't fully understand the depth of her heartbreak. Together, we explore why the loss of a dog can be so profound, why society often minimizes pet grief, and how to navigate the loneliness that can come with mourning a beloved companion.

If you've ever been told, "It was just a dog," or felt pressured to move on before you were ready, this episode is for you.

Whether you're currently grieving, supporting someone who is, or simply want to better understand the human-animal bond, this conversation offers compassion, validation, and hope.

Because our dogs are never "just dogs"—they are family.

Sponsored by Cassone Trailer & Container Company and Bully Crew CBD, where every purchase helps support rescue dogs in need through New York Bully Crew.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to episode 5. Today we're talking about something far too many dog lovers have experienced, feeling misunderstood in their grief. Our guest, Rita Barretto, lost her beloved puppy suddenly and was devastated. When she reached out for support, she was told, You can't be this upset over a dog. It was just a dog. Anyone who has loved a dog knows they're never just a dog. They're family, a best friend, and often a source of unconditional love through life's hardest moments. Rita joins Craig and Josephine to share her story, discuss why pet loss grief is real, and explore how we can better support those mourning the loss of a beloved companion. If you've ever been told, it was just a dog, this episode is for you.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

I wanted you to come on the podcast just to talk of of course about you know losing your buddy, but more importantly, I wanted you to explain to people that you actually took the time and go uh talk to someone, a psychiatrist or psychologist, yeah, uh, to help you uh uh with grieving and and uh and they base and she and she, right? It was a she was a she basically told you to get over it. It's only a dog. Yes, absolutely. That's what she told me. Is that quote, is that quote, is that quote correct?

SPEAKER_03 1:19

Did I did I get the Yes, sort of she said to me that there had to be another reason why I was so upset that it couldn't be just because of a dog, a loss of a dog.

SPEAKER_04 1:30

Oh, I I think that's I think that's actually a little worse. Yeah, worse, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she's really now pushing the fact that you're this upset about a dog. And yes, and to me, uh, you know, anyone who says that just has never felt the unconditional love of a dog. You know. Uh, so I guess you know, you could, you know, start explaining your relationship and then we'll we'll we'll get we'll get we'll get back to that a little later. But I want you to I want you to talk to us about, you know, what what happened and just you know get whatever you need to get out to us because we're gonna listen and we care.

SPEAKER_03 2:07

So um I've had dogs uh for a very long time, for the last 28 years. So this was my last dog, and he was only a year and a half old, and he died suddenly at home. Um we were putting a rug under our bed and we lifted the footboard up and it came off of the bed and it crushed him. So it was um it was very traumatic. It was myself and my husband and my daughter were home, and we were all in the room when it happened. Um, and my back was towards him. I didn't even realize that the footboard fell off, and my daughter screamed his name, and I turned around and I looked, but he was just it's just like he looked like he was lying down, which uh wouldn't normally be normal for him anyway, because he would be excited and running around. So I was like, he he'll be okay, he'll be okay. And then we looked and we just saw like his tongue was like already out to his side and he was limp, and um it was it was awful. We took him to um an emergency bet, but obviously it had been too late um at the time. And I I've lost other dogs, but this hit me even harder because of his age. Uh my other animals were always elderly, but when they passed away. Not that it doesn't make it easier, but you expect it more. So I guess that you can kind of wrap your head around it. But when uh it's such a young puppy, you just you know, you can't even believe something like this happened. So um at work, I I took a couple of days off. I couldn't even go into the office. It actually happened during one of the first bad snowstorms of this winter. Um and I I just didn't even want to face anybody because I used to bring him to work every day. And I actually asked my cousin to let everyone know to please not talk to me about him that when I was ready to, I would, that I just needed to process it on my own. So after a few weeks, I felt like I my grief was getting worse and I didn't really know what to do with it or who to talk to. I really didn't have anybody that really experienced the same thing. So I said, you know what, I'm going to reach out to a professional, figuring that they'd be able to help me. I haven't really had much experience with psychologists in the past, years and years ago, like when I was a teenager, but not really since then. So I found someone, I set up an appointment. It was on a Zoom meeting like this, and she I explained to her what happened, and she goes, Oh, okay, you know, that that's that's upsetting. Yeah, I get that. And then she goes, So tell me like more about yourself and your life and what else is going on. So I did, and I said, Okay, really, but the reason why I'm calling you is I really want to talk to you about how I'm feeling. I need to know what I could do if you have any ideas. Can I reach out to someone? Is there a support group or anything out there? And she said, um, no, not not really that I know of, but you know, I want to know what else is going on in your life. And I said, nothing. Like this is this is what's making me right, right, right. Said basically that that she couldn't understand how I could be this upset over just losing a pet. Um there had to be something else going on. That's what she told me. So needless to say, I never spoke to her again. Um, and then I I did reach out for help with other people, and they've been great. But this one person left such a horrible feeling inside of me. And I I really felt like she was invalidating what I was feeling.

SPEAKER_04 5:45

Yeah. Almost like she wanted you to maybe have other problems so you can become a full-time client, maybe. I don't know. Like, like, what do you mean tell you what else? Like your dog tragically dying at a year and a half old by by an accident is not enough. Like, I don't obviously this is this is not a dog person, you know, because anyone who's a dog person would completely understand. And and I actually just recently went through something uh as as as traumatic, not no, I shouldn't say, but uh Tippy, who I I when I adopted him, I knew he had a hydrocephalus, and they said he was gonna live uh for possibly two years, and he and he and he ended up living four. But uh he he woke up, you know, one day and uh he decided not to eat, and two days later, uh he you know, he died in he he basically I woke up in the morning and he was dead. You know, I he wasn't I didn't think he was dead, but I did jump in my car and drive 200 miles an hour to the hospital, only for them to tell me that he had passed. So the fact that this person said that to you really bothers me even more now. And I feel terrible that you really had to experience that because I I know exactly what you went through. I literally know what you went through. And even though, you know, I know that yours was an accident, but I still went through that same thing of finding him, you know, unresponsive and and rushing him to the hospital. And I know that pain, you know, and for someone to make you feel like, you know, you you you had to have other problems is is really sad. I really feel for you for so many reasons right now. And I'm glad that you came on so you know you could talk to people that really do care. And that understand on a on a on a on a on a different level, you know, level.

SPEAKER_03 7:38

Yeah, I feel this is so important. I was so happy to hear that you were doing this because I didn't know where to go, who to talk to. So this is a great, you know, place where people can talk about their pain and what they've gone through and maybe support each other in times like this.

SPEAKER_04 7:54

Yeah, because the the unconditional love of of a dog or even a cat or any animal, it's irreplaceable, you know. And and you you can, you know, you can always get another dog or you can always get another cat or whatever it is, but it's never that dog or that cat.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

Right, right.

SPEAKER_04 8:12

Especially when you, you know, create a special bond, like, you know, we all feel like we've had our soul dogs.

SPEAKER_03 8:17

Yeah, that's how I felt he definitely was. He was attached to me more than anyone else in the family. They called him my velcro dog. And uh yeah, he um so it was it was tough. And we we did get another puppy recently, so three weeks ago, I got a new puppy.

SPEAKER_04 8:34

Oh, good for you. Good for you. You know, I didn't want to ask because you know people, you know, because it's you know, there's this there's people out there that immediately want another dog, and then there's people out there that say they don't want a dog at all. And then there's some people that will take their time and you know, so I didn't want to say anything, but I'm so happy because I know that you have the unconditional love that you need right now. Yeah, and talking to us is helping that that puppy, I'm sure, is is like a little separate dog right now. I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

Yeah, and I wasn't ready right away, like you said. Like I think people process things in their own time. And initially I said, I will never get another dog. I said, I can't go through this over again. And my son, my daughter, my husband were all like, We we need to have another dog in this house. I said, Listen, when I'm ready, I will tell you, you just can't ask me, you can't pressure me. If I'm ready, I'll let you know. And um, this other puppy kind of just it all lined up. Like there were a lot of signs that I was supposed to get this puppy. So I did that's all you need.

SPEAKER_04 9:33

That's all you need is a sign. You know, that's it.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:37

And it's funny that that uh that you said that you didn't want, you know, that you you you told work not to talk to you. I do the same thing with my family. Like they don't like if one of my dogs passes away, no one even texts me anymore. Like they know, like when I'm ready, you know, I'll I'll uh you know, and I don't want to hear they're sorry. I know everyone's sorry, but it's not gonna make me feel any better, you know, and I'd rather not talk about it until I want to talk about it, you know. So I I totally get that. And and like hibernation and and all that, just not wanting to deal with people. I I'm I'm identical to you in that in that aspect of you know like grieving, you know.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Yeah, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, especially with that what do they call them, uh professionals? Right. Um, healthcare professionals, mental health professionals. I mean, I can't believe that the fact that you know the person would say, Oh, it can't be the dog, not knowing like what your love feels like with your animal, you know.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

Um that's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

And you know, I remember when we lost one of ours, we lost him suddenly too, and same thing, had a run to the hospital, and I remember screaming, and it was just such a horrific situation. And like a few days later, we actually had this wedding to go to with a very, you know, a very close friend of ours was getting married. I just couldn't bring myself to go to the wedding, like to be in a party situation. I was just so sad and grieving. And um, I remember saying to my husband, I mean, you can go, but I can't, I just can't, you know, and he was like, Of course, I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not gonna go either. I don't feel like partying. And we told, you know, the person that was getting married, a close friend of ours who totally understood, was like no, we understand he was your son, you know, he was, he was our son, right? Um, and we get it, you know, whereas sometimes people just like don't understand. And thankfully, like uh you work with your you have that amazing boss that you work with. Um, that you know, would would go to the trouble of saying, like, don't ask her any questions, give her time and respect, you know, like when someone loses, a human loses, let's say, somebody close to them, you're gonna respect that person. You're not gonna be like, hey, you're gonna start dating and blah, blah, blah. You know. So it's like, I don't understand why some people just don't get the connection, you know, that we feel with them.

SPEAKER_04 12:15

They don't get the connection because they haven't had the connection.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:19

Because if you if you if you have loved the dog and have received the unconditional love from a dog, then you there's no way you can't relate to someone who's who's going and suffering through it. Because uh, you know, uh my wife said it the other day. It's like a very unique pain, you know. Uh it you know, I I I explain it as emptiness, you know, an em uh emptiness that you could just never feel, you know, and even though I have dogs and uh, you know, uh that that's what really helps me, you know. But even though, you know, I still have dogs, there's still always a just like a little emptiness, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:58

And uh and things that I used to do, you know, it's like I don't I I don't enjoy them anymore. Like this year with the pool, you know? It's like none of I don't have any more swimmers, you know. So, you know, my whole swimming pack, you know, has passed away, and now it's like the pool is like, you know, so it sucks, but I wouldn't trade it, you know, for anything.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

I And I actually feel bad for people who don't have that love, who haven't experienced that, you know. I I feel sorry that they haven't allowed themselves to feel that kind of love because there's nothing like it.

SPEAKER_04 13:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

So true.

SPEAKER_04 13:37

Feeling sorry for someone like that is is is a good way to put it because, you know, instead of criticizing that psychologist or whatever she was, we should feel sorry for her that she's never experienced the unconditional love of a pet. That she could she couldn't comprehend that that's all you're grieving about, which is absolutely bonkers that anyone would tell someone this is got it's gotta be more. You know, especially if even if there was more, you know, I mean, wouldn't it be nice to like let the person like talk a little and not like demand stuff? But I don't know, that whole thing is just not yeah. When I heard that, I I and and now it's to f to find out, you know, like the whole story, it's it's so much worse. It really is.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

So like what did you can I ask like so after you had this horrible experience, so how did you find like someone who did help?

SPEAKER_03 14:34

Like, did you go online or so actually right afterwards I was trying to wrap my head around what she said to me and why. So I was trying to pull apart like the conversation, and I was thinking, okay, maybe there is something wrong with me. I shouldn't be feeling this way. Like that's terrible. And I actually I was talking to my daughter about it because she was experiencing the same feelings I was, and she actually has an excellent therapist, and she told them what this person has said to me. So she said, you know, you you will find the right person to speak to. There's somebody for everyone. This obviously was not a good match. Don't let that get you down. There will be someone out there to help you. There's plenty of people who've been through the same thing. You know, she explained how she's lost pets before, and she really helped my daughter a lot. So she gave me, I guess, hope that I could find someone out there who would, you know, that would listen to me. And I did find someone else, and and she's very supportive, and she has lots of animals, and she's lost a lot of animals, and she understands that, you know, it's grief, like you're grieving for anybody in your life, that an animal is a huge part of your life. And honestly, this is gonna sound maybe strange, but it was almost worse than losing people in my lives because like he like he was he was with me every day, every minute. Like he was a part of every aspect of my life where really nobody else is. So it was harder because I felt like everything I did every day, every time even just waking up. Now I'm not taking him outside in the morning. I'm not giving him his food, he's not coming to work. All these things that I did with him aren't there anymore. So I felt that even people in my family couldn't understand that because nobody else was with him as much as I was.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:22

So I don't know if you listened to our previous podcast, but I said I have never cried uh for a human, you know, like I have cried for my dogs. And and it's it's because your dog has never crossed you. Your dog has never talked behind your back, or, you know, it even, you know, even uh, you know, just there's not one thing that you can say about your dog that, you know, that he did wrong. Like they just don't, you know, it's they don't do anything wrong. And I think that, you know, the fact that they're always with you and they don't ever do anything wrong and they're your constant, you know, blanket really, you know, I think that's that's what it is, you know.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

Yeah. And and that's why I think I was like a little hesitant to get another dog, although in the past I always did pretty much right away afterwards. But um I I just didn't want to feel like I was replacing him and that bond I had with him. So I think I was afraid to allow another dog into our lives, but but it's not like that. Although, you know, obviously, like sometimes I'll I'll compare the two, like, oh, and so didn't do this, or you know, but you know, it's it's different. It's different.

SPEAKER_04 17:34

And like you said, like you get that's only human that's human nature, but you know to be like, you know, but yeah, that's just great that you have, yeah. That made me really happy. And I and like I said, I didn't want to say anything, you know, but I'm really happy. I I know I know that uh that the hole's never gonna be, you know, filled, but at least there's a little, you know, a little a little filling for you, you know. Definitely some comfort, you know, some constant companionship that is comforting to you, you know.

SPEAKER_03 18:04

Yeah, it is. And and I think that that is a huge help in the healing process, but maybe for some people that wouldn't be, you know, the way to go. But I feel that it's helping me heal by having him here now with me.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:17

You know, you said you you you were sent a sign, so you always gotta Yes, I absolutely was.

SPEAKER_03 18:23

Like, um, so when I saw that um this person had uh I I've always had like the same types of, well, I've had two different types of dogs. So I saw this breeder on actually like I blocked everything on Facebook. I didn't want to see anything related to dogs, I didn't want to talk about dogs. I I snoozed everything for like 30 days. I didn't even go on. So one day when I went on, it stopped like the snooze. So now it said, Oh, you may be interested in, and it was this site. So I thought it was just gonna be a site with like puppies doing cute things or whatever. So I was on the site and it said that this person had puppies, and uh so I'm looking at them and I said, Oh no, what should I do? Like, do I put in an application for them? I'm not really sure. So I'm reading more about them, and it said, like, their ready-to-go date was my birthday. Oh, nice. I go, okay, I think that I'm supposed to like try to try to get this puppy. So I did, and and then she tells me, okay, um, I asked if I could like send a deposit to put a hold on him, and she said, No, I will not take a deposit until the dogs are like four weeks old and I take them to my vet. I want to get them checked out, then I'll let you know. But I will put a hold on them and then you could send a deposit. So I didn't tell anybody about him because I thought maybe it would fall through. And um, so four weeks later, she ends up sending me, oh, that she took him to the vet, and it was great. And it was actually on my mother's birthday that she took him to the vet. So I said, Wow, it was just like everything was in like alignment and it was meant to be. So I I definitely feel that it was like he was sent to me. That's how I feel.

SPEAKER_04 20:02

Yeah, that's awesome. That's awesome. That's a good feeling. That's a good feeling when there's signs and you know it and you waited and uh yeah, yeah, stuff. That's good stuff.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Yeah, so um, yeah, I'm very happy. You know, but I just want people to know that there are other people who've gone through this before, and they can find people to talk to about their feelings, and they should, you know, don't give up because it's it's very I was very depressed. I w felt horrible over it and I couldn't um really function. I couldn't think straight. I felt like I couldn't even finish sentences, I wasn't sleeping. I it was worse for me than it was when I lost people in my life, definitely.

SPEAKER_04 20:47

I I'm still going through it. I still struggle every day to get out of bed. And uh, you know, I'm I don't it it's it's not a secret, you know. Uh, but I know, you know, I don't have a choice. You know, I have other dogs I have to take care of. I have to, you know, I have to pay the bills, you know, I gotta I gotta do what I have to do, but it's a struggle every day.

unknown 21:08

Right.

SPEAKER_04 21:09

Every single day. I mean, I this is the reason I started the podcast, at least so I can talk about it. Because I'm not like a big uh, you know, I don't share my feelings much, you know. I I'm not posting every move I make on on on social media. As a matter of fact, you know, no one even knew that any of my dogs were sick besides Marshall because he beat cancer and we and we made it public. But, you know, all my dogs, they passed away. Nathan, I didn't even let publicly know. Mac, I didn't let anyone know. And uh, you know, so I wanted to create a platform for people like you to come on and talk about it. And it's also it's helping me, you know, because I I get to talk about it too. And, you know, uh the pain is uh is is worth the unconditional love, you know. That's how and that's how I look at it, and that's that's how I'm able to get up and get out of bed every day, is is with the memories and and knowing that uh, you know, the pain is a small price to pay for all the love and you know, unconditional love and joy and all the memories that I have, you know. And and uh, you know, at first it was hard for me to look at pictures, but now I go through pictures all the time and you know, I laugh. I you know, I I you know it's it's it's it's what keeps me going. But it's definitely tough, and every day's a struggle, and you're not alone, and just know that uh, you know, there's a lot of people out there like you, and uh, and uh hopefully you run into more people like us and less people like your therapist. So the other stuff, you know. So but uh yeah, so thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me. Yeah. I mean, do you have anything else you want to say to people who might out who might be out there struggling and uh, you know, maybe some some maybe a secret of of of uh of yours that you anything that you want to share before you go?

SPEAKER_03 23:05

Oh well, uh something that helped me that um a friend of mine told me that she did was to keep a journal after you lose them about different memories you have of them and um how you could kind of create like a tribute to them and just that you'll never forget them. So I did. I would write down every day things I was thinking of, and that kind of helped me, and now I can go back and look at how it was feeling and how you know I've I've come. So I think that that's helpful. So that could be something that people could could try to do to feel better if they're going through the same thing.

SPEAKER_04 23:41

Good. That's interesting, even though I'm not a big journal person, but yeah, me either and never did it, but yeah, I know. Yeah, maybe maybe I'll maybe I'll uh maybe I'll my my mom is a big journalist. She she yeah, she f finds, I guess, comfort in journaling. I don't even know if she still does. Uh but yeah, that's interesting. Interesting. Okay. So thank you for once again. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. And I hope uh that little new guy brings you so much love and joy. Yeah, and I hope he lives forever.

SPEAKER_02 24:10

I know, me too. Thank you. Thank you guys so much.

SPEAKER_04 24:13

See you soon.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

Okay. Thank you guys.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

And that wraps up episode five. If today's conversation resonated with you, please leave us a review and share the podcast. Not only does it help others find the show, but it also helps raise awareness and support for the dogs of New York Bully Crew. If there's a topic you'd like us to discuss, email us at info at bullycrewcbd.com. A special thank you to our sponsors, Cassone Trailer and Container Company, a family owned, woman owned business proudly serving Long Island in the Tri State area for generations, and Bully Crew CBD, where 100% of profits help support the rescue dogs of New York Bully Crew while helping dogs live calmer, healthier, and longer lives. Give your pups an extra hug tonight, and we'll see you next episode.