recap: cousin party, grad school "waiting game", and plans for the week!

In this episode, I talk about last weekend's family party, where I'm at with grad school right now, and setting intentions for the week ahead. Just processing everything out loud lol. Hope you enjoy! 

Transcript

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Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Soft Chaos with Noah. I'm your host, Noah, obviously. And before I recorded this, actually I tried recording this and I realized my mic wasn't plugged in, so apologies, but good thing I wasn't too far in. Um, anyways, so I just wanted to like recap, you know, everything that's been going on, even though it's been literally like maybe three, four days since my last episode. So this is kind of like my personal diary. If you guys are new here, I am really just chaotic all over the place, but in a soft way, I guess you could say, and I just like my brain is everywhere, so I feel like you know this is a good outlet for me, but also just uh hopefully interact with you guys someday once I get more of a following. But either way, this is also you know just something fun I like to do. Um, like I mentioned in my last episode, I had two podcasts before this, and I just never pushed through with it and wasn't consistent. So hopefully with this one, I am determined to really like just be on top of my episodes and just have a little bit more fun with this. I think the last two episodes, I mean the last two podcasts, I kind of felt pressured to record every week and like have a schedule, which is great. You know, I think once I get the hang of it, I may have like a weekly schedule of podcast episode releases, but I don't know, I felt like some pressure back then. Also, I filmed it during the COVID era, so now that I have more events happening in my life, I'm not at home. Well, I am a homebody, but like I'm not home all the time. I'm doing stuff, I'm working. Um, this is just kind of like a fun little diary. So, today's episode, I just wanted to kind of recap my weekend, any plans for this upcoming week, and also my updates on college applications, grad school applications. So um let me recap what happened Saturday. Um, I told you guys that I think I told you guys, by the way, my brain is everywhere, so yeah, chaotic in a soft way. Um, but I had a little cousins gathering family party basically. It was for my paternal grandparents' um wedding anniversary, and this was on Saturday. I was so tired when I worked that night. Yes, I did work that night. If you know me, I work a lot. Um, I remember last August when I started my new job, I worked um a lot of days in a row. Um, I won't mention how much or how many because it's insane. But and they were all 12-hour shifts, so that's that, fam. I was so tired. But we didn't have that many patients. Um, so it was fine in a way, but obviously, you know, that's like most of my nights and like no rest. Well, yeah, in between rests if you properly manage it as a night shift nurse or a night shift person, but it was insane. So um I, you know, we're already like into March, April, we're like four months in, three months in the year, and um, it's never too late to start a goal. So I really want to balance my sleep and like prioritize it more. Um, I feel like I've just been raw dogging my shifts and not really taking care of myself. I haven't been to the gym or haven't really been in like a workout like routine at all. Um, the most that I do is walk my dog when he stays over at my apartment. Um he usually stays with my family in their apartment, so um just because like also like night shift-wise, I don't want to leave him alone like all night. So it's good to have company anyway for my doggie. But um once I get my new apartment, um, when I move for my other site, I will hopefully be able to have him more at my place and just kind of you know be okay with leaving him alone and um keep him entertained as well and still have my Ferbo camera set up. So that's that. Anyways, um, so I had I had work Friday night and then I had the party Sunday morning um from like 11 30 to maybe three o'clock, four o'clock, and I surprisingly wasn't tired, but I did sleep like a couple hours before the party when I got home, and obviously that wasn't enough, and I was I really just did not want to go to the party, honestly, in the first place, because like cousin family stuff on my dad's side is just like weird, and we never really stayed in touch too much. Um, and like yeah, I'm just gonna leave it at that, but um, so yeah, I just did not want to go to the party in the first place, which you will understand why I kind of you know, like it's when you have I'm someone who struggles with anxiety a lot, and um I feel like I hype myself so much and work myself up so much, not hype, but like work myself up so much that I like just wanna avoid anything, everything, whatever the situation is. So with this party, I built up so much anxiety because I had these thoughts like, oh my gosh, it's gonna be awkward, my cousins will be like mad at me because I never kept in touch with them. Um and it's also like growing up, I was um raised in like a Christian Catholic household, so um sometimes I would go to my church um that like celebrates in like a Christian way, like sermons and like long sermons and things like that, versus Catholic churches where they have like an hour mass and then they have like a homily and things like that, communion, which actually no the Christian church also has communion, but um this gathering was my old Christian church that I used to go to with my family, and I just kind of like distanced myself from it because of like moves, like house moving, like town moves, and then just like we just kind of never really stayed in touch, and I had like family problems too, so that was a factor, but yeah, it was just like like I just had these thoughts, oh my gosh, it's gonna be awkward, and everyone's gonna be like, Who is she? Because I haven't seen them in years, and um, yeah, so that's those were my thoughts going into it. Um, we had to dress up for this party, it's like a formal thing, and I had to wear like a long dress. Everyone was wearing a long dress, actually, and you know, they were just all cute and beautiful, and it felt like prom honestly, because there was a big dance floor, and um, but yeah, um, so sorry by the way, if you hear is this a plane helicopter? Probably a plane. Actually, no, maybe it's a helicopter, yeah, because it's way too close. Um, anyways, um I sorry by the way if I'm out of breath. I am someone who has really bad posture, and then also of course, I told you guys I don't work out. So um my like endurance and things like that, I just get out of breath super quickly and I talk fast. So um sorry by the way if you if you like um are oh god if you are annoyed with all my heavy breathing. Um, but anyway, so I go into this party, right? I have two hours of sleep and it's about like a 30-minute drive to the party. I'm already dressed up in my wedges. Yes, I was wearing espadrills, um, because I didn't want to wear heels. I bought pointed heels for my um my cousin's daughter's baptism, and I just could not walk in those, so um I bought also ballet flats just in case, but I wore my comfortable wedges or espadrilles this time. Oh, that is my alarm to get ready for work, sorry. Um I of course, you know, I'm I'm probably not gonna get a coffee before work today, just because I don't know. Like I have my matcha here right with me, and it'd be nice to get like a little drinky drink from like Duncan, like a refresher, um, because that's what I usually do. So maybe I will, I don't know. Um, but Sunday, so it's not traffic, because I live like an hour away from work, which sucks, but it's okay. We're moving. Anyways, see this is my ring, guys. I am all over the place. I apologize. But yeah, going into this party, um, I go with my mom, we walk in, and everyone's pretty much there, so we're a little late because they were about to start. Um, I see like the hosts of the party, which are my uncle and aunt and their family. Um, I it's just like awkward going in because you know, I see like the old pastor, I see the old, um, like not the old, but like just faces I have haven't seen in a while. Cousins, dads of cousins, fa uh moms of cousins, like sisters, brothers, all that. So I walk in and there's a few people standing around the door, and I'm like, I don't know, do I just like go up to them and hug them and be like, oh my gosh, pastor, you know? Um, so I kind of did that. It just I don't know. I just didn't want to like walk in and like stop and stare. So um the pastor didn't even recognize me, I think. But um his wife did. Uh, so thankfully that wasn't too awkward. But I my mom and I we went to our table, we saw my sister, and um yeah, that was that. But throughout the party, our cousins and like just people from the church we haven't seen in a while, um, actually came up to us and we also kind of came up to them, but really it was more of them coming up to our table and just hugging my mom, me, and my sister, and um it was just really like such a warm feeling, I feel like, in a like in a really good way, and it's just it's so it was so not emotional, but inside I was just like, dang, these people have not like the the love for um my family and I, even though we haven't seen them in a while, it like never went away. And oh, I just got goosebumps. But like it's it was such a beautiful moment, like seeing their face again, seeing how much they've aged in like a really good way. Honestly, some people some people um they have not like looked like they aged, really good genes that they got going on, and um, you know, it was just really, really nice seeing them, and I feel like I missed out on so much and you know, their growing up and their life events and everything like that. So it was just really nice seeing some people I did not get to like meet up with or catch up with because they were like it was a lot of people, mind you, so um, yeah. But um it again, it was just such a warm feeling, and I really like could tell that their love never went a went away, um, for my family and I. So, um, but yeah, and then the party just kind of went on. Um the guests were like, you know, were vibing. There was a little bar over there on the side, and there was food, it was like buffet style, and uh then we had a dance floor, and of course my sister and I and my mom and dad, they like danced their heart out, and it was just a lot of fun. Um, lots of line dancing for sure, cha cha slide and electric slide, September, all of that. It was really fun. Um, I definitely my feet hurt at the end um of the party and then also going home. But um it was just a really, really fun time. I think me, like if I avoided it and if I didn't even attempt to go, even if I just went for a little bit, I feel like I still would have regretted it. Um and I missed out, you know, I would have missed out on this like warm, fuzzy family feeling, like just a punch a bunch of people gathered in one room, having a good time, smiling, and a lot of them were like really happy to see me. Not like this is not like in a like in a braggy type of way, like a conceited way, but just seeing them when I walked in the room they recognized me, like a lot of them recognized me, and they were just surprised at how big I've grown and how much older I got in like so many years, I haven't like seen them, and they were just really like happy to see me, and that made me kind of a little sad actually, because I'm like, wow, I missed out on a lot of these um like moments with these people, and you know, they were still regardless of um me leaving or my family leaving, I'm saying me because like just keeping it one person, but um, regardless of me going distant and just like not being involved with the church anymore, it just felt really, really nice, like these are really genuinely good people that have so much love in their heart and that they're willing to like you know be very thoughtful and like share that with other people and it just makes my heart like feel so fuzzy right now because these are like they've really been like raised in an awesome way and they've stayed connected with a lot of people that they love and regardless, you know, they love they still love us, so um yeah, but towards the end of the party I you know I did obviously I've I had to go home, rest, and then go to work, but um, yeah, it was just it was a fun time. Um I worked myself up so many days, so many weeks, um, that I really wanted to like not go to this party and like find any excuse to not go to this party, but I did, and I don't regret it at all. Um, so it was a really fun time. Um, and it just is a good reminder too, like, you know, you just gotta kind of like I don't actually, you know, like I don't know what the reminder is, but it's like um there are like it's a reminder that people whom you've grown up with and like um you know there's just like such a warm community um in that place, you know, with all my cousins and stuff that I haven't seen in a while, or like people from the church that I haven't seen in a while, it's still like such a like there are still good people out there, I guess that's what I'm trying to say, but like also, you know, don't like try not to avoid things because you're gonna miss out on such awesome moments and beautiful moments reuniting with people and it's just like it's so such a warm feeling. Um so that was the party, and I worked last night, which was the day of the party, so I worked um into I worked last night, which was after the party, and I was super tired um all night. I had to close my eyes for like two minutes. Just give me like two minutes to close my eyes, and I did, and I was still so tired, guys. Like also I I wanted to go home right away. Um, but you know, with nurses, like we never go home on time, which is which sucks. Yeah, shucks, which sucks so um, but it's okay. Um I still got my rest today. I woke up around like four. I had my matcha, I had my little um sandwich and chips, and ate a little bit, so I'm gonna get ready in a little bit after I finish recording this, but then yeah, that was the recap of the party. Really great stuff, guys. Um and then I just want to touch a little bit on my um like grad school application applying stuff updates. So as you guys know from my last episode, I had my interview that same day actually for one of the one of my top choices for grad school. Um and if you guys didn't know, I am applying to um nurse practitioner schools, specifically the psychiatric um specialty. And I that's you know been my goal since I think like after a year of being a nurse and working um in the mental health field. So, you know, I was just like, this is my goal. I really am passionate. I just want to further my education and bring a more like helpful, I mean, not that you know, being a staff nurse is like not helpful, obviously it's not helpful, it's helpful, um, but like, you know, more in that provider role where I can um see my own patients and you know be able to prescribe medications and work as a team with other interdisciplinary people. So, um, but yeah, I had the interview last Thursday, and kid you not, I have been checking my application status portal every day, almost every two hours, um, just because I'm so impatient. Like I hate the waiting game. This was me when I applied last year. Like I I applied last year to these schools or some of some like different schools, and I just like I could not wait till I got a decision. So I did like anything to kill the god kill the time. Um but I yeah, I've been checking my portal like every day and oh my there was a person just walking and then instantly sprinted. Sorry. Um but yeah, I I it's the waiting game, guys. It it's really it's really something. Um and I get so anxious and then I have like I start having these thoughts about the interview, like did I say this correctly? Did I answer that properly? Um, like what were what was my interviewer's like mood during the whole interview? And it's just a lot of like thoughts, um thinking back to the interview, and then obviously like, oh my gosh, what if I don't get in? What will I do with my life? Like, do I have to wait again to apply and like keep applying and keep trying? And like ask my recommend recommendations again to submit their letters, so it's like um yeah, it's just like uh you know a process, and I I hate waiting, um, bottom line. But um, I did get accepted into one school that I applied to. Not my first choice, it is honestly my last choice. Um, I applied to four schools, and um the one that I had an interview with is my top choice. So prayers that it is is it's a good outcome. Um, even being invited to interview is such an honor. Um, but it'd be even better if I got in and got accepted. So um I really think I put my all in that interview and was just like myself and I kind of rambled a little bit, but I just like laid it out, laid it all out there. So hopefully a good outcome. I will definitely keep you guys updated. But I have been again looking at my portal every day, every few hours. Uh it's insane. Um, and then also I've been going on to like Reddit and like other forums, like community forums for nurses and like for um the specific school and the program, and just like kind of investigating like when people interviewed, if they got an interview, like is it a good sign? Does everyone get an interview? And like when they hear back, like just kind of calculating this date to when they interviewed, and then you know, to when they were accepted, like how many weeks was it, how many days was it? So it's just a lot, guys. Um, but I cannot wait for that day when I get a an email saying that my status has been posted to my portal so we shall see guys I don't know maybe I'll do a live live reaction here so um but you know I will definitely definitely update you guys if I get into my top choice um and then just to kind of wrap it up here um I wanted to talk a little bit about my plans for the week ahead so today's Sunday and um I have quite the eventful week ahead I would say not really but like in the same way yeah um this episode excuse me this episode um I did want to talk about like my I like I had plans to talk about like my finances and things like that just like being transparent and you know being someone who doesn't really know how to manage their money yet and also is still like a young adult navigating finances and retirement and all that stuff so um but that will be for maybe another episode. But tomorrow while I work tonight which I have to get ready soon and still determine if I want a refresher or a little drink before going into work. Um but tomorrow right after work guys I am going to tour is it three apartments or two apartments? Oh my gosh I think it's two apartments. Okay thank goodness it was three I I had I would have had to cancel one because three is a lot but um I have to drive like an hour to the other work site that I'm um now full time at um and it's very far from where I live currently it's about like an hour thirty and um obviously I'm not gonna like stay here. My lease is up in May so I don't want to stay here and like do that commuting all like every week. That's just like no not for me. And it's a lot of gas um and yeah so I need to move for sure to a closer place near that site and I scheduled two tours tomorrow um and I scheduled it like right after work like a coup like an hour or two um after my shift ends so that I can travel there and like get settled. So it's g it's in the morning and um so I'm gonna be tired for sure. I'm definitely gonna get a coffee and maybe bring my energy drink, a Lani energy drink and drink that on the way but hopefully it's not traffic. Too bad. But my first tour is at 945 and then my second tour is at 1030. I don't expect it to be too long and also these apartments are close to each other so that's why I kind of scheduled it back to back so that I didn't have to like wait too long in between and then right after the tour I'm I need to go home and like rest and like honestly start packing because I don't think like I mean I'll have time to pack and stuff like that but like you know I I think my motivation will get like um like it will decrease so I won't be able to have this like energy to pack anymore. So I definitely want to start early because I have a lot of stuff um and then I have a nurses meeting tomorrow night so yeah definitely a lot of things happening tomorrow. Um so hopefully tonight is a chill night and I can like kind of relax a bit and just like have an easy night so that I can have like so I won't be like too tired tomorrow. Um and yeah and then Tuesday Wednesday I'm planning to have my dog stay over um and just kind of like train him a little bit more because he's still a pup and he still needs his body training so um yeah we're working on that we're working on that guys um and then Thursday I work and then Friday I'm off Friday guys it's payday um I also have not paid my car yet which is due Friday so I'm I know that my paycheck will be a little bit wonky this Friday like it won't be enough to pay both my car and my rent just a little like um a little um tease into the financial episode that I want to record. Um I am basically living paycheck to paycheck which is not good um especially since I may or may not start grad school soon and the grad school is expensive in itself. Um so yeah I don't expect this Friday to be a good paycheck but you know what it's okay I'm thankful to even have a paycheck um so I just hope like I have to make some like decisions on Friday and just prepare for that um because last rent payment I was super late and I did pay a late fee and stuff and um my like leasing property manager was like thankful and flexible or not thankful. Um I was very thankful that she was like flexible so that I could pay my rent just a little bit late um so you know I was able to pay rent for March but now we're coming up to the end of March and I don't know if I'm ready I don't know if I'm ready to pay April um which sucks because this is not how I should be living my life. It should be non-stressful especially with finances but with everything going on in the world obviously finances and like gas prices and just like your regular um jug of milk it's like everything's getting so expensive so um but yeah I will keep you updated on Friday. Um but and then the rest of April I'm back at that site. Um just a little backstory I am also I'm working back at my old site for the rest of the week because um the March schedule at the other site is all covered up um it's all like has coverage and stuff um so that's why I'm working at my old site which is a little bit closer but um so yeah but yeah that is kind of all I wanted to record for today and let you guys um know about and like keep you updated but I will let you guys know how um this week goes I'll probably film another or record another episode this week just like to keep you guys updated and I love talking to you guys um and just like having this as an outlet. I'm super grateful to even have this microphone and to have this like outlet to um share my day to day life and you know events like this and um hopefully it's relatable to some of you guys. But yeah thank you guys so much for listening to this episode and I will talk to you guys in my next episode. Bye