new month feels, temptation island s1, and complete exhaustion

Happy May! More specifically, may the FOURTH be with you! Although I'm not a Star Wars fan whatsoever. In today's episode, I recap the past weekend and how I've been feeling, what I'm looking forward to this month, and recapping Temptation Island Season 1. Hope you enjoy! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Soft Chaos with Noah. I'm your host, Noah, and it's actually been I think only a little bit over a week since my last episode. So hope you guys are enjoying my podcast so far. Um thank you to all who have been listening so far. Really, really appreciate you guys. Um yesterday I actually wanted to record a podcast episode, but what's funny was I honestly had one of the yeah, honestly a rough week, like a rough few days actually at work. I worked Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I was off Saturday. Saturday, I slept the whole day. Um I didn't get home till like maybe 10:30, and then I didn't sleep officially till like 1.30. And then I woke up and it was already Sunday morning. So I'm like, where did the day go? I was planning to do a lot of things. Usually on night shifts, I still feel like I haven't really figured out. Well, I mean, that's a lie. I feel like I have figured out some ways of how to navigate night shift and how to be productive and relax and balance everything, but at the same time, I still don't put it into effect, if you know what I'm saying. Um, so it's like, and then also I think also a big factor is just the travel time between my apartment to my workplace. It just gets in the way. But guys, we are counting down the days. We are moving in about three weeks. I have quite a lot of packing left to do, not gonna lie. Um, and I also have to drop off my first official move-in check, and yeah, just a lot of things really for the month of May. I feel like May every year there's always something like huge coming up, you know, there's like a graduation or which my sister is actually graduating this month from college. Um, and then it's also both of our birthdays. It's my grandpa's birthday, it's like nearing the beginning of summer, nearing the end of spring, it's warm weather, it's like it's memorial day, so a lot of barbecues and going on and stuff like that. And then I feel like this year too. Um if you guys didn't know, I love Casey Musgraves, she's one of my all-time favorite artists. She released a new album last Friday, and I was like, okay, hype vet, like we're starting off the month strong, so um, and then I'm getting her concert tickets hopefully this week. I know she's playing in Madison Square Garden, which is like the closest to me, so I might as well go to that state. And yeah, I mean, just a lot of things. The move is coming in, um, and it's Mother's Day. What else? I'm looking at I'm literally looking at my calendar right now, too. Um, yeah, just a lot. Really. I think the base thing is the move and my birthday, which I don't really do a lot of stuff for my birthday now that I'm getting older. I mean, you know, it used to be like having parties and buffets and like sleepovers and inviting my friends and classmates. Um, but for the past like, I want to say maybe five years now, including before the pandemic, um, I really just have not had like a big birthday bash. So it's always been dinners with my family. I feel like well also growing up, um, excuse me, I was always like kind of close with my family. Also growing up depressed too. Like I'm still depressed at this moment, but um, like at this age, but um, I was just always like, you know, I'll just spend time with my family for my birthday and call it a day and call it a birthday. I don't need like some, you know, like I always told myself, oh, I don't have a lot of friends. But realizing now growing up, you know, I actually truly did have like people who cared about me and like who wanted to be friends with me. So um, but I'm glad I had those like little like dinners with some of my close, close friends. And um, I think it was in middle school actually, I had a sleepover at the hotel, and then we what else did we do there? I think we just yeah, I think we just had a like a bunch of pizza and stuff and like watch movies at the hotel and then you know we used the pool and swam and had like a fun little gathering there with a few of my close friends in middle school. So I was like, you know, yeah, those were some good times, but um growing up now I don't really have like I don't really plan for my birthday like bashes or you know like dinners or whatever. So I don't know what we'll do this year. This year I'm turning 26 and I'm also gonna be off my parents' um health insurance, specifically my mom's health insurance, so we're gonna have to figure that out. Um I didn't get time to like research and stuff uh last week because usually I have a lot of downtime at work, but I didn't have a lot of like I guys I was so tired. Um and it was also because not gonna lie, I have not been like sleeping well. I feel like I don't sleep well anyway, but this time, like it just was not it was just so unusual for me, but um, we didn't fall asleep like you know more than 10 minutes, so that was all good. But um where was I going with this? Gosh, oh yeah, so I didn't have like a lot of downtime yet to like research and stuff my health insurance and like how to sign up for it and how to enroll it in it with my job and things like that. So that is a task to do this week. But yeah, so I'm turning 26 did I say 27? No, I'm turning 26. Um, yeah, and I don't know what we'll do this year, but it's also around the move for my new apartment, which I'm super excited. Um, they actually had to resend my lease because it was the lease start date was on a holiday, and I was like, oh yeah, you're right, you're right. So they're gonna resend it, and maybe it'll cut a few dollars, I don't know, but um yeah, I'm really excited for that. So I think you know it's a birthday move-in, it's a birthday bash in the new apartment and things like that. So I'm just really excited to be closer to work and not have to drive so far. Um, so yeah. But today's episode, guys. Today's episode, I wanted to, again, I said I wanted to record an episode yesterday, which was Sunday, and do like a very late and lazy Sunday reset in the form of a podcast. But again, I just had a really rough few days like sleeping-wise and like mentally. Um, I worked Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I was unusually like so tired Thursday and Friday night. Um, but I was able to close my eyes for like 10 minutes. Um, still woke up feeling super tired. But when I got back to my apartment, which is like an hour 30 drive back home, um I didn't sleep until like 1.30 p.m. So then Saturday I slept from 1.30 p.m. till like I think 6 30 a.m. or 7 a.m. on Sunday morning, which was yesterday. So I was like, where did my Saturday go? Um and then Sat no yesterday, Sunday, I I think I woke up actually, no, I did like I think I stayed a little bit more in bed and I didn't get out of bed till like 12 30 p.m. one 1 p.m. So yeah, definitely I mean sometimes like I tell myself, you know, you sleeping in and like oh no, you know, letting the day go by without doing anything, that's like you know, in a way productive for your rest and for your your body and like just resting and taking a break from doing so much. Um but then at the same time I I like feel a little bit of guilt because I don't like I planned so many things that I wanted to do that day, like after work, and especially also this weekend because I have four days off and we're day two, no day three out of four. Um, and I have like so many things that I wanted to do, but I'm like okay, whatever. So yeah, I just felt a lot of guilt, but we're keeping it going, guys. I think I had some good rest. I'm just really like tired from all the travel. It definitely will make a difference once I move, um, so that I don't have to dread driving so so far, like two hours. Because if you think about it, I'm cutting down my travel time from about an hour and a half to 45 minutes to an hour. Um, and it's like a lot more closer to the area of where my workplace is. So I'm like not like mentally it doesn't feel so far, you know. So I think that'll make a big difference with my sleep and everything. Um so we'll see how the move goes. Um, but yeah, I guys, I just I've been really tired. So yeah, I wanted to do a lot of stuff this past weekend, like I wanted to finish packing, I wanted to like really just organize everything, get rid of stuff. I leave my dishes sometimes for like maybe five days or more, and I know that's really really bad and disgusting, but yeah, that's just me. But you know, once I do put my headphones on and get in the bulk of it, I'm able to really boost myself and get in the zone and like wash my dishes and like really be productive and clean around the apartment, so yeah, but that's that. Um, but yeah, today I just kind of wanted to like catch up with you guys and also prepare for what's coming up for this week. Um, in a way, I guess you could could send or consider this like a very late um like reset. It's like a Monday reset almost, but just a lot of things are coming up. It's May, it's a new month, it's fresh, there's new music coming out, or has come out. I still did not listen to Ernest's um new album, Deep Blue, if you guys know Ernest, but um yeah, I made my new music playlist yesterday. Funny thing too, I was I bought a ticket for the Devil Wears Prada 2 to watch last night at 10 o'clock because I was like, oh, I woke up at like 1 o'clock and then I still haven't been doing much. I thought it would like give me some time to kind of move things along since I have something scheduled at 10 o'clock and like I have to leave at 9 30. Um, because I live like almost 30 minutes away from the theater, so I was like, you know, it can give me a little bit of motivation to do stuff around the house. What did I do? I just kind of watched TV. I watched YouTube, watched Degrassi, which is what I'm currently watching right now, in addition to Scandal and Temptation Island. Um, which Temptation Island, I just finished the last episode of season one a few maybe an hour ago or a few minutes ago. Um, by the way, very if you guys watch Temptation Island, um let me know if you are caught up or if you like just started it. I wanna say, like, and I guess spoiler alert in a way, so you can skip over like a few minutes if you are planning to watch it, but season one, um, yeah, actually the whole show so far, I'm like, do people really like how especially the tempters on the island? I'm like, how like I could never because I'm so I'm such an emotional person, like I care. I'm not saying that I don't care, but like if you were to sign up to be on a show to tempt another girl or guy's like partner and just like be the one to break them off or like be the one to make them bad, like make weird choices or like let them think more about the relationship because of you. I'm like, I can never if you guys remember if you guys listened to my last episode or was it two episodes ago, um, about me and my eight-year crush. Um, yeah, that was quite an episode, guys. Um, so if you haven't listened to that, go check that out. But that's what I'm saying. I'm like, are these people just gonna be home wreckers, you know? Because some of the couples have been together for like three and a half years, one and a half years, two years around that time, and then they have these people that sign up to be on the show to essentially tempt them for a result to break them off, or for a result to establish a new connection with them, for or for them to just make them realize a little bit more. But it's like if I'm the tempter, if I am almost like getting really connected with this guy who has a girlfriend currently, and like you know, I'm building something with them and like I'm very emotionally invested. I'm like, and then in the end they choose, like, oh you know what? Actually, I I think our connection has made me realize my connection with my current girlfriend is like is so much like there's so much potential and like it makes me realize the deep love that I have for. I'm like, how can you like sign up to be that person? You know, they just kind of use you. That's what I thought of the whole show. Like all these people in the houses are like all the tempters are just like they're to be used. Unless luckily with Tyler, yeah, Tyler and Kay, um, they made a connection and they left the island together. Oh, and on also Danny and Ashley. Um, I'm just like, you know, they just kind of used you in a way. Like, yes, you made a connection, but like they still kind of like I don't know, it's just like, and then also how can you be like such like a rebound, you know, so quick. Like, cause you're currently still dating that person or like they're still in your mind, you still haven't broken them off like completely in person, um, and you're just kind of bouncing, you know. So I'm like, I don't know, it just feels weird to me, but um, the biggest thing that I liked about the show was um who was it? Lino and Alexa. They were one of the couples that stayed together. They ended up in a proposal actually, or in an engagement. Um, and then also Shantae and Brian, but bro, don't even I can't get into those two. Those two like annoyed me the whole show. Like, um, both of them, like I'm not gonna say too much, but like I just cannot, especially with Brianne's actions, of course, that's like inexcusable, but with Shantae's like heart and her decisions, just still defending and then eventually choosing him, still at the end, it's just like, come on, girl, um, you're smarter than that, but whatever. I know they're not together anymore, but um still it was just like kind of shocking. So, yeah, with Alexa and Lino, they ended up in an engagement, and I was like, oh my gosh, it's so cute. Um, I feel like the whole journey for them was truly, truly an Adam and Eve kind of vibe, like a test. Because that's really what the show is about. It's like being tested, like, oh, you have the apple in front of you, and who is it, the snake? Was it the snake? The snake says not to eat from the apple, or eat the apple, eat from the apple tree, whatever it is, and like yeah, you'll be then you're you're being sinful, so it's like you're tempted, you know. So I was like, oh, uh I like realize the whole show, Alexa and Lino have not like they haven't kissed anyone, they haven't really like I don't know like well with Lino a little bit when they when he went on a date with Alex, I could see kind of that, like, yeah, he was being tempted, but like he it wasn't even him like fighting the temptation, it was him like realizing, oh yeah, things are like I am having a lot of temptations right now and urges, but like I just know in the long run that this will this is just like an impulsive decision and like it won't help me in the long run. And my love for Alexa is still there, so I don't know. It's just like seeing them two kind of go through it. It was like, huh, okay. There are some couples that they you know, there are some people specifically, people who really acknowledge that they're being tempted or like that they're being pulled in a not so uh great direction, and like I don't know, it's just like at the end they ended in an engagement, and I was like, hell yeah, okay, go you go guys. Um, so like it was really exciting, and then I kind of stopped a little bit of their instas and saw that they're still together, which is like uh beautiful, beautiful. I don't know when their wedding is, but um yeah, I just wish the best for them because they're awesome. That was a really great, honestly, a really fun show. I watched it at work and I was like, this is my work show because at my old job, one of my shows was The Summer I Turned Pretty, and it was always something that I like put on during break time that I would watch. Um, and like it would be you know something I would like complete within the next few shifts, and like that would be, you know, like my work show. So finishing this now, Temptation Island, um, season one, I might as well go to season two because I only have two seasons, so I might as well have that as my work show, like the next few shifts that I have, like start season two. Um, I'm still watching Scandal. By the way, I don't know how this turned into uh me talking about shows, but I'm just gonna roll with it. Um I I mean I'll talk a little bit more about it, but yeah, I'm watching Scandal and then I'm watching Degrassi. Degrassi's taking me a little bit, but it's like a really long show because there's so many characters, so many plots, um, so many twists, and like people, new people coming, old people going off, and there's 14 seasons, so I'm on season 10, almost wrapping up season 10 actually. So I'll be on season 11. So what a journey, guys. What a journey. I started watching Degrassi I want to say during the pandemic, and then it was just like kind of an on and off, and then now that I have like more downtime and I don't have school to think about, like I well currently. You guys know my current school situation, um, if you've been listening, but I have been watching Degrassi on and off, and then I just picked it up, and now it's like we're getting in the flow of an almost every night watching an episode or two. So yeah, that's Degrassi. And then Scandal. I re-watched or I watched Scandal in high school and then stopped. I don't know what season I stopped at, but I'm currently on season two, and yeah, I'm just I'm getting back into it. So, but honestly, my all-time favorite shows though are Friday Night Lights, One Tree Hill, Vampire Diaries, of course. Um, Vampire Diaries is like something I put on almost every day. That's also another work show, but like it doesn't feel like a work show. Um, but I just love that show so much. Um, but yeah, that and Friday Night Lights, yeah. I mean those are really, I want to say like it's really the ones that come to mind when um people ask me what my favorite shows are, or like even my friends when they know what my favorite shows are, they're like, Yep, it's vampire diaries or Friday night lights, like it's either those two. And I'm like, Yep, you are correct. Because I literally re-watch that. I re-watch those shows like all the time, every day. At least like some clips or anything like that, like every day, um, or like I think about it every day. It's just like great show, great show, guys. Um, but yeah, I was gonna wrap up something with these shows. I'm gonna stop talking about shows for a minute, but um, I wanted to talk a little bit about what's coming up this week. Um, if you guys didn't know too. I'm still waiting on this one school. I don't know if I talked about this in the last episode. But I have this top school, and um it like the other school that I got denied from, that was my top school, but now since I got denied from it, that's out of the question. So now someone else moved up to the top rank. So we're waiting on that. And they're taking forever, guys. Take forever. Um so I'm like always debating. Should I call them today? Should I call admissions today and just see what's up, or like kind of make up a question? You know, hey, did my financial aid like package come about, or like anything with that? Or like I'm always refreshing my email, I'm always checking the status portal every day. Um, I'm sometimes checking Reddit posts. So I'm like, guys, what are you guys doing over there? Are you just like like are you really overwhelmed with all of the like are you really overwhelmed with the admissions or like the applications? And I'm like, yeah, okay, I understand. I understand, but like at least give me like an update or like give the people an update. Give the people what they want. Um give them give us like a little bit of a hey, you guys should be receiving a decision in like another week or so. We are still getting through the bulk of all these applicants and or like you know, last time I called the admissions, I was like, oh yeah, is this rolling? Is like when do I expect to hear back? And she's like, Oh yeah, well, it also depends on how many seats we have. And I'm like, girl, girl, what do you mean? Like, so if I don't hear back, there's no more seats at all? Like, or like, or you're not just gonna tell you're just not gonna tell us like oh the whole seats have been filled, like all the seats have been filled, and like we're not gonna be reviewing anymore. I'm like, what I don't get that actually. Like, how do you have a program and you it's based on like capacity and everything, but like how do you determine that if it's rolling? Like, it's so confusing, you know. It's like because you're not really giving other people a chance if they submit late or whatever. That's why we have deadlines. So I don't like rolling, but at the same time, whatever. I submitted my application in March, and it is now May, so we are waiting on that, guys. Um, I didn't even apply by priority deadline, so I don't know what's going on with that. But no hard feelings. I do have a school already that I pretty much committed to already. I submitted the $500 enrollment deposit and kind of got started with everything. It starts in about a month. Have not received too much information yet, but um we're getting through it, guys. We're getting through it. Um, and I don't know when to register for classes because no one has told me anything. So at this point, guys, I am just treading along. I am living my days, my days day by day. Um uh I don't actually the time that I the episode that I did dive into my anger issues a little bit. I guess that was like a little bit of a more emotional, deep level personal discussion and topic. Um, I definitely want to bring more into that, but um I guess like I also don't want this to be like a super heavy podcast where I talk about like really, really, really deep stuff, but um I am someone who do who does struggle with um suicidal thoughts and like self-harm and a lot of like low self-esteem and things like that, and um I have been feeling that way a little bit, but I am you know able to keep myself safe and everything like that. I have like all my coping skills and things like that, and I'm just being really distracted by the move and like the hot weather because honestly, this weather is a game changer. Um, you know, rolling down my windows and like listening to music, it's it's a vibe. I was gonna go there, I was gonna go do like a little drive yesterday when it was really hot too and sunny, but it was around like five o'clock. I didn't want to do that and like use gas because I just filled it and then I didn't have any money, and then I booked that ticket for the Devil Wars Prada at 10 o'clock, and I was like, you know what? It's also time for me to shower, so let me shower. And if I get out of the shower and if I don't have the motivation to go to the movies, um then just ask for a refund and like you know, do it next time. So that's what I did, guys. I did that yesterday, last night, took a shower, which I haven't showered in so long. I know it sounds so disgusting, but like when you're like really tired and like depressed, you just you don't want to take care of yourself. Um, I think the biggest thing with me too is like I'm not taking care of myself um like physically, like I'm not eating at a great schedule, I'm not eating the best food, I'm not moving my body. So later on today though, this is usually like Monday, Tuesday is usually the days of the week where I would sleep over at my family's apartment, and because it's a little bit closer to my work, so I'm like, okay, you know, let me just sleep there, and then also I get to see my dog. So um, but yeah, I just have not been taking care of myself the best way possible. I I notice myself getting super tired when I'm walking, um, or like just moving like from sitting to standing, like I'm not like I'm getting easily dizzy and stuff like that. So um, yeah, just gotta really take care of myself, guys. You know, because I am a nurse. Also, happy nurses week. Happy nurses week. Um but yeah, I just I need to I need to do better, guys. I need to do better because I do miss being that athletic, not athletic, but like I was never like an athlete or anything, but just having like the stamina and endurance to walk far places, to like move and to simply play like uh catch like um uh toss the ball kind of thing with my sister at the park or like walk my dog, run with my dog, you know, like things like that. I just want to have that energy again and let it not be restricted because of what I'm not doing, which is like not eating healthy, not moving my body every day, even just like a little bit, some sort. So I'm excited later on because I am gonna walk my dog, that is for sure. I love to walk my dog. Um, so I'm gonna bring my beats wherever that wherever she is. I don't know, but um, geez Louise, what else was I saying? Y'all, I forgot. I forgot again. This is see, it's a soft chaos episode podcast. It's a soft chaotic episode. Er scratch that. It's a soft chaotic podcast. Like I'm my mind is just all over the place. And me not taking my meds last week, my mind was racing so bad. Even my patients, like, I was like, oh my gosh, they're they noticed that. Um, but yeah, so for I guess for the rest of the day today, um, I'm gonna pack. I think I'm gonna wait till like four o'clock to go. It's currently 2.06 p.m. I'm going to pack as fast as I can. Um, and then maybe I'll leave around like 3:30, depending on what the traffic is. 3 30. I definitely want to get ice cream later. Um, not me just like talking out my plans right now, but um, yeah, sorry guys, this podcast episode is just like all over the place, but I did catch up a little bit with you guys, so but yeah, I am still waiting on my school decision. I check it like every day. Um, I'm still reading here and there. I finally got the Casey Musgraves vinyl that I wanted to, even though her album came out like three days ago, but super excited for that. Again, happy Nurses Week to all my fellow nurses out there. My company, I this is like the first time um that I've because I started working in this job in this company in July, so that was like two months after May, which is when Nurses Week is. Um, or like, yeah, when Nurses Week is like May 4th to 11th, like the first week of May. Um, and yeah, I I don't know what they're gonna do in this company. I don't expect a lot to be honest, because we're not a hospital, because I know hospitals they do way more stuff. So I know my mom she's gonna get you know some she's gonna send some. Oh, this is what they got for Nurses Week this week, pictures and you know, things like that. But um, I know there's like discounts and stuff, but I don't really like the discounts, to be honest. Like Starbucks, they have like free coffee or whatever. I don't like their coffee, and then Duncan, they have free coffee. I'm not a coffee person over there. I like the lattes, the cold brews, um, or refreshers. So yeah, not too much that I can I can grab. Um, but yeah, I don't know what this company will do. I think it also depends on the nurse manager. I don't know what they're going to do as well. Um so yeah. But um today has just been like a really weird day. So I think the main things that I wanted to do today were just like pack and get everything together because I'm moving in three weeks. I'm super excited for that, you guys. Let me know what kind of things you guys also want to hear on the podcast. Um I I just have like, you know, a couple of um like a couple of ideas and things like that that pop into my head and I write them in my notes app. But so far, you know, just kind of a chill, like, hey, weekly recap of everything. Um, you guys got a little bit of a taste of my music and TV show interests in this episode, but otherwise it's just kind of like a little like hey, what's up guys? Hey, what's up, hello? Um, kind of vibe. Also, may the fourth be with you. Again, see, my mind is everywhere. I will say different things here and there, so I apologize if you're not able to keep up with my chaos. Um, it's really this is this is my mind, guys. I'm everywhere, tabs everywhere, topics everywhere. So, yeah. But I think that's it for today, guys. I think we're gonna keep it short, even though this is like half an hour long. But thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. I will I'll talk to you guys in my next episode, whatever that may be. But let me know, guys, what what topics you guys wanna listen to. I don't know yet what I'm gonna title this episode, but um, because it was really all over the place, I apologize, but it was fun speaking to you guys. And I hope you guys could relate in some sort of way. Again, happy Nurses Week to y'all, and thank you again for being a great listener here. And I'll talk to you guys in my next episode. Bye bye.