staying committed, closer to new apartment move, and working on my physical health

Guys...I am officially committed to a new NP program. I needed this in my life lol. Anywho, in today's episode I talk about all the fun events happening this month, including my apartment move, sister's graduation, and my birthday! Hope you enjoy. Also, fan mail is open! So feel free to write me and we can interact :) 

Transcript

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Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Soft Chaos with Noah. I'm your host Noah and I pretty much just talk about if you're new here, I just talk about really my life, just kind of updating you guys and also throwing in a tad bit of relatable advice or relatable situations if you must. So welcome back to another episode. Today is Monday, May 11th. It's actually my grandpa's birthday today, so shout out to him. Um, and I will be going over to my family's apartment tonight in a few hours. I actually woke up really really late today, guys, like five o'clock. I didn't get out of bed till like 5 40. And I kind of researched this a little bit a few weeks ago or like a few months ago about like just being physically tired, like you literally cannot get out of bed. Um, and I know that's like a common phrase with a lot of people, you know, just like in the morning, they're not a morning people, they're not morning person, and it's hard to get out of bed, but like guys, I physically cannot. I like yes, there is room for motivation and discipline there, but I actually like physically cannot, and it's not like too worrisome, like it's not you know, I'm in I'm bed friend or like my muscles just don't work anymore. It just I don't know, there's like some physics behind it and some science behind it for sure. That I just can't get out of bed, um, no matter how many things I have planned for the day, and I want to tackle all of them, but I just cannot seem to get out of bed. I don't know if my bed is too comfortable, which it should be, anyways. Um, you want to sleep in a comfortable bed, but I I just feel like maybe it's not the right mattress for me. I don't know, guys. Um, but today's episode I want to start out with some exciting news. I did get into that top choice school that I told you guys about. So if you don't know, I am applying to nurse practitioner schools, or I'm done applying pretty much, and I switched schools. I started a program in January of 2025, but then it just was not organized, it wasn't doing it for me, and I just really felt like that wasn't like a good time maybe in my life to really like settle down and study, and then you know, I wasn't in like a stable job, so yeah, just a lot of factors of why I left that program, and then like overall, it's you know, it was a good experience, like a good peek into what grad school is like, but I just did not like that program, and I felt like you know, I went to community college for my undergrad and then I did my bachelor's online. I felt like, you know what, let me get a little bit of a taste of this like real-world university college experience, even though I'm not gonna be dorming there, but it's just like nice to be like in a four-year four-year university where there's like actually a campus and there are like clubs and stuff, but my community college, which was two years, um, actually, no, it was four years because I had to do prerequisites, but you know, I just did not get that vibe. Um, and so you know, I was like, kind of, you know, let's go a little bit further, see where your potential is at, and I did it, guys. I found out last Thursday that I got into my top choice because I originally had a top choice, but I got rejected from it, and so this school that I currently got accepted in to and will be committing to, um, it moved up into the top choice rank. So we got in, guys. We are super excited, it's gonna start in the fall. I have yet to submit my enrollment deposit, but for now I did accept the admission. So super excited about that. I honestly did not think I'd get into this school, let me tell you guys. And I know it's hard not to hear the actual school name on this podcast, so I apologize, but I just want to keep everything private and like not too much information spilled out on the internet, but um, yeah, just overall, guys, it's it's a great school, and I only have to go in there like three times for simulation, and we're just gonna make it happen. So I'm super excited, guys, and then it's all online pretty much. So we are gonna start that this fall. I'm glad it's this year, not later on, because I kind of want to get things moving, you know. I still have the motivation to learn and everything like that. I feel like I've always had that motivation to learn and like do school stuff, but um, you know, now that it's finally like I'm settled, I am a hundred percent all in for this school and I'm ready to start the program. It is about two and a half to three years, so it's eight semesters total. So we shall see guys how that works out. And I've already connected with a few people. I was looking up on Reddit actually, like you know, um, when I was doing like waiting for my decisions and just curious if anyone else got accepted. I stumbled upon Reddit and also all nurses.com, and I was just like, has anybody else gotten in yet? Has anybody interviewed? Is there an interview even? Like, how's the program? And then I just kind of reached out to some people who have already gotten accepted, and we're just gonna connect from there, so I'm super excited, guys. Um but yeah, really proud of myself. I have told three of my friends so far, like on the phone, but then we're uh through text, I've like texted multiple people. Um sorry, but yeah, I have still yet to tell my best best friend who also went to this school, and I'm just like she was also waiting for me to get a result, and like I can finally like tell her, and I can't wait to hear her reaction or see her reaction. Um, and then I also have this other guy that I want to tell like my other friend and see his reaction as well. So super excited, guys. I am very happy. I am like relieved almost. I do expect obviously the financial stuff to to uh be a little bit stressful, not gonna lie. But we're gonna figure out the financial aid stuff later on, just for now. Just gotta do the enrollment deposit and settle down and you know just continue saving money and just get ready to go full on for this program. So I'm so excited. This is also I feel like May is usually a busy time for me every year because there's always a lot of things going on. We have a couple birthdays, including mine, and then you know, there's like Memorial Day, there's like it's starting to be summer, and then this year I have a move, and there are exactly two more weeks till I oh no no, maybe like two more weeks in a day till I move. I think that's exactly. So I'm moving on the 26th, and I am making progress in my packing. I definitely want to finish it like a week before and just like be settled with the process, like how the day's gonna go, who's gonna help out, and I'm super thankful I have my family to help out with me and then some other friends, but for the most part, I am packing everything pretty much in bags, like moving bags. I did not know that they existed except the IKEA ones. I don't know if those are considered moving bags, but um usually IKEA gives out bags and they're like pretty big and you can carry them um when you buy stuff from IKEA, so I was like, huh, there are moving bags, and you can really get anything on Amazon, but I have used moving bags for the majority of my packing, and I think I just want to label them for now. Um, but like a lot of my stuff is really just packed up like that. I want to say I have a lot of stuff, but like not in terms of you know, a lot of clothes, a lot of um like decorations or things like that. I have a lot of like random clutter and objects. Like I have some is it's called smiski's, the little green figurines, they're like Asian. I have those, I have a lot of like happy meal toys. I know guys, I sound like a child, but I don't know, I just like collecting things like that, like just little figurines and not even figurines, but just like different you know, postcards or stickers, things like that. I have a lot of crafts, I have my gem art, I have um what else do I have? I have I have like puzzles, I have coloring books, multiple coloring books, I have a lot of coloring supplies, so just little things like that, and then my books, guys. I I cannot. I have too many books. My car is a mess as well, so we're gonna have to clean that out before the move. So a lot of things are just kind of going full force, um, and a lot of things are happening. I'm glad to be honest, from the mental aspect, I do feel like being distracted a lot has helped me with my mental state in a way, just you know, distracting me from my depression and sadness and and hedonia from time to time. Um I don't think I have really been too open about this on this podcast quite yet, but I do um I am diagnosed with bipolar 2 as well as borderline personality disorder. Um, not ashamed anymore, really, although there is a lot of stigma around these two disorders, and then I also have anxiety and depression. Um, so yeah. My one of my doctors that I got evaluated for just like very temporarily for like one day said that I had PTSD. And I was like, oh, never really been diagnosed with that, but um I guess I don't really consider myself someone who is like experiencing PTSD symptoms quite yet. So um I have been through quite some trauma, but you know, it doesn't like for me personally feel like it doesn't qualify for PTSD, but I definitely had bipolar 2 um and borderline so bipolar 2 um I've experienced like a lot of manic episodes and depression and just like mania high energy levels have just been going on and off throughout the days, and I forgot to take my mood stabilizer for like four days, and um I could just really tell, like you know, I'm really not well and I don't know how I'm functioning right now, but we're back on it, guys. We're back on it, we're restarting the dose, so yeah, we're just going from there, but anyways, um yeah, I'm like being distracted a lot with all these events, um, like the move, my grandpa's birthday, being accepted into the top program for me, and then just kind of like settling with work, I guess. Um, and then also just like a bunch of events this this month. My sister's graduation for college is this Thursday, and then she has a couple more, which are like school graduations, like the whole school, and then some other graduation on the 19th, I don't know, 19th. Um, but this Thursday is like her specific school graduation, so that is the most important to me to attend, and then my family will be attending that as well. Um, so yeah, just a lot of events. I'm being distracted a lot. I'm still, you know, sleeping here and there, which by the way, I'm gonna touch on my sleeping and like overall physical health. Um, I I guess I can touch on that now actually. Um, but I so like today I slept I watched the Michael movie last night with my mom and sister for Mother's Day, and then that was around 645. It ended around 9, 9.30. It's a long movie, but it was really good. Um and I didn't sleep till like 1 30, almost 2 a.m. I want to say, and I didn't wake up today till like 5. Like I didn't get out of bed till like 5 40, but I did wake up around 12 and 1 from time to time. My grandma called me and then I went back to sleep, and then I didn't get out till 5.40. And here we are at 7.21 p.m. Um, I still have to go pack and prepare for my sleepover at my family's apartment for like pretty much majority of this week and just get ready for work. This is kind of the routine actually because my work schedule is pretty set every week, so I have set days now that I can sleep over at my family's apartment because I just want to keep, you know, like I am somewhat close with my family, but we text every day, we call pretty much every day or every other day, and then you know, I really want to see my dog, so my dog does not live with me, unfortunately, but he will once I move to my new apartment. Like he'll be staying there more often. It's just hard with night shift because I don't want to leave him alone, especially at night. So that's why they sleep why that's why he sleeps over my family's apartment. But um, but yeah, I just really want to work on my physical health this year. As you can see, with me waking up so so late and getting out of bed so late, I had such like a good productive list for me to work on because I also want to get this packing out of the way and just like settle my mind and everything. And yeah, it just I feel like the days have gone to waste almost because I'm so tired of you know this traveling to work and back and then night shift. I honestly don't know how I made it through last week during my work schedule. I worked for four days straight, but every day I did travel back and forth an hour and thirty, sometimes even two, going to work and then coming back because usually I would do like one day at a hotel and sleep there for like you know, like eight hours or so, and then just go to work from there, and it would be so much closer. But last week I just I did it all. I went back and forth, and oh my gosh, I was so tired at work. Um, so that's one thing that I'm really really excited for for this move. I don't want to keep doing this, like traveling, obviously, it's just a lot on gas, gas prices are up, and just like overall tiredness, you know. So um I also have not been eating healthy, and I think that has to do with for sure my tiredness, but also like financial-wise. Um, I talk a lot about finances in the podcast because that is something that I struggle with the most. I'm not good at saving money, I'm a very impulsive spender, and I feel like I have the need to buy everything and anything. So, um, and that's gonna like it's definitely been affecting me since I started working, and then yeah, just like, you know, I can already see the effects of me not handling my finances properly, and it's definitely gonna follow me throughout the rest of my life if I don't and you know, unless I think of something and like get my mind straight on money. But yeah, like two weeks ago guys, I almost got evicted from my current apartment, and yeah, I just yeah, we're we're uh we're not doing so well financially. So that's something I want to work on for sure, but I think just like again with the food like eating healthy, I like I really don't have money for healthy food, like even just like I I don't know, like yes, it's it's okay, like it's affordable for me to get fruits and stuff, but like just I don't know, even all even like microwave meals that are like super healthy, those are like pretty expensive. And I know a lot of people go to Whole Foods for healthy stuff. I'm just like I really don't have money, like I can't spare money for the healthy food, healthy and organic food, which is sad because then I end up spending money on fast food like McDonald's, Burger King, and I just eat like that, like I eat garbage pretty much because um at Wendy's they have like a five dollar biggie meal biggie bag, and you know that's pretty cheap, like it comes with a drink, um, chicken nuggets, fries, and like a little burger if you want. Those are that's the one that I get, and it's just like cheap, it feeds me, doesn't make me fall though, but that's that's the most I can do at this point, so I definitely want to work on that because my apartment rent will be way cheaper than my current one. Um, so I I really want to just like get back into it. Throwback to 2019. I I loved lacrosse and there were lacrosse goals at my community college, and so after class, I would just go there, I would run a mile, and then I would do lacrosse drills back and forth. I lost weight like like crazy, not like crazy, but like you know, I lost a good amount of weight and I was happy with myself because I had energy, I could walk up the stairs without being so tired and like out of breath. And I don't know, I was just like eating healthy, you know. I would pack my own lunch, I would drink a lot of water, Gatorade, I would get rid of soda and not eat sugar that much. It was just, you know, like I could run a mile without being so tired. Um, and so now we're here, we have gained quite a lot of weight. Um, and for my height, I'm pretty short, so it's not the healthiest, and I actually do have to reschedule my doctor's appointment because my doctor is out on the day I scheduled it, and have to reschedule. But I know guys, she's gonna be super not super mad at me, but like as a professional, as a doctor, you should not be mad at your patients, but like if they are in compliant or non-compliant with stuff, like it is pretty upsetting to see. But you know what, girl, I I I just had I just been through a lot, okay. Um, so yeah, that's what I want to work on like once I move pretty much because I feel like you know, I just I gotta get back into the zone. I barely use my apartment gym currently, and and then there's gonna be a gym at my new apartment, there's gonna be a pool, and like it's pretty big, so a lot of walking area. So I hope to like just get back into it. I don't know, because I just don't feel confident in my body, and I don't feel like well most of the time, and I think with night shift too, it's just really hard. But I know people who are working night shift they do fit in workouts and fit in some more sort of movement throughout their day, and I just really want to strive to be that, so we're gonna work on that. But yeah, getting back to um just like my like a lot of events and being distracted this this month, I'm just really excited. Um, I really don't have like too too many plans besides the move. And I don't even have plans for my birthday, I'm gonna be honest. Like it's really just moving at this point. Um, I think like I think next week or no, yeah, it's gotta be I think next week. Yeah, next week, guys. I work five days. I'm looking at my calendar. Um, I work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and then I work Sunday. So my company is weird, they work, they have the workdays set on starting on Monday. It's like so weird. So I'm pretty much working five days that week, which is fine because more money for the pay period, but I really needed this Thursday off. I could not get that off, like no one um would want to switch with me, and totally understand that. So I asked, like, hey, can anybody do like 7 p.m. to 11 p.m.? and I did get a response. So yes, we are. We're we're we're coming in at 11 p.m. on Thursday night. So that'll be great because I want to attend my sister's graduation obviously, and that'll be around 10 a.m. But I do work Wednesday night, so that's gonna be tough. So I'm definitely gonna get an energy drink and drink it throughout the ceremony because I cannot I I'm pretty much gonna be sleepy. Um, but yeah, I work Wednesday night, 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. And then I have to go straight from work to my sister's graduation, which is at 10 a.m. But you just gotta prepare for parking, and then I have to meet with my family get good seats and or at least just get like comfortable seats but yeah I'm gonna be tired and then after that um I think we're gonna eat out at like some Mediterranean restaurant and then go and then I have to go back to the apartment to sleep till 11 p.m um usually 11 p.m to 7 a.m shifts are pretty easy and quick for me but I don't know what it was last Saturday. I was just super tired I think because it was day four and you know I was just like tired and it was towards like 5 a.m usually around like 4 30 to 5 a.m I just get so tired and I sleep um guys I was falling asleep in my chair like um like actually like sleeping and dreaming um but don't worry like I'm always like the alarms are so loud so if anything happened I would be on that but guys I just can't bro I can't it's just like I don't know about doing four days that's pretty like heavy on my body and I just not a fan but I kind of need to because it's money and like you know I understand like two other people who like they're very ironically rich to say oh it financially it's not a problem for me. Like I have this one co-worker and not to like like gossip about her but she went to um these really great schools for her undergrad and then she's also like planning to um probably like go further out and so she works like two jobs and um one of uh whatchamacallit this job she was like oh you don't like this current job that I work at she was like oh my gosh like it's so disorganized and stuff which I can see that I feel like every job no job is perfect and there's always gonna be some like management stuff and disorganization but um I remember she just made this one comment and she was like like financially I've actually like I honestly don't need this job because like I'm good financially and I'm like girl then why are you working this job like let me pick up more hours so I'm like you know I like she is very rich and privileged to say that which is great you know for her and great for her anybody else who is also experiencing that but like I'm just like you know like financially everyone is struggling I'm a broke broke person broke girl here and I also have to figure out my health insurance because I'm gonna be off on my mom's insurance because I'm turning 26 so yeah guys I just I have a lot of things going on this month quite a lot and then I actually do want to plan a trip to go to the school that I'm attending this fall to just kind of get a feel of it like even just schedule like a tour because the campus is so beautiful and um I do have to book a flight I have to book a hotel and everything like that but and like explore the city but I really just want to tour it you know even though I'm not like a prospective student now like I'm an admitted student so it's like might as well just tour and like get to know the buildings and stuff so I'm like super excited um but yeah I think me just having that mindset of oh I'm accepted into a great school and you know everyone is proud of me and you know I kind of really worked hard to get here and like there were some ups and downs um but yeah the big thing though guys and I I am real on this podcast I will tell you guys like you know not everything and not like my deepest darkest secrets but like I'm pretty honest on this podcast and just like you guys are pretty much like my therapists or my friends and family um maybe not my therapist but um my family specifically my mom dad grandma grandpa do not know that I am applying and like switching schools because they think that I'm still in my current program that I started in January 2025 and they think I only have like one two years one or two years left um or one and a half years left and I'm like no actually I am actually in a new program but I have not told them yet I've only told my sister because like I think when I started job hopping from when I started my nursing career because yes I am a job hopper but like this this current job that I have is the longest job that I've had um like full-time wise like ever um I'm in my job now for it's about to be it's gonna be a year in July so in like two more months but yeah guys this is the longest job I've had and I'm like really committed to it and you know I like the job it's not too heavy it's not too like stressful although the pay is pretty sucky but um this yeah this is the longest job I've had and so with me telling my family I feel like they're gonna make comments about oh like oh you're switching again you wasted all that money because also side note I did start my master's in um nursing informatics a couple years ago after I finished my bachelor's and then they found out that I stopped it um because like it was just really hard finding clinicals like I was literally almost there but clinicals are just so hard to find especially if you don't come from like a like a a college where there's like an actual campus or like they have like good connections and things like that. So it was really hard for me to find clinicals especially since informatics is not too too popular in the nursing world so I had to stop that and then I just kind of gave up on that and then my family like knew about it and then they were like oh look at all this money you wasted like and all these this time and effort you put into the degree and like you know it's just a waste and so if I tell them that I am switching another program and starting a new program this fall and then that's gonna take me like a year uh two two years and a half to three years to do and um fun fact I am still paying off the loans that I owe or not the loans the um tuition that I owe from the program that I started last year so yeah if they find out about that they're gonna be like wow look at all that money you wasted um it is yes about seven thousand dollars I am down now to six thousand maybe and a half maybe and a half six thousand five hundred dollars um but total like I was literally paying almost twelve thousand dollars for this whole thing and yes it was not my proudest moment to do but I was just like I it was also an impulsive decision like I just really wanted to get back into school and like have something to do you know on my off days and be productive but I also do want to be a nurse practitioner so um you know that's like also like the biggest thing that is keeping me moving um it's not just like because I want to be in school again and like have things to um to submit by the deadline and everything like that so um but yeah that is the big secret guys I am yeah I'm not gonna tell them I'm sorry but only my sister knows and my friends know and then a couple of my cousins and like aunt but yeah we're just not gonna tell them because I don't want them to be like upset and judgmental about like oh my gosh look at you wasting money again or like um being impulsive again and changing programs like you do change jobs so quickly but you know what guys I think learning from my current job that I do have that potential to commit to something is gonna like help me moving forward when I do start this program. Also this program is just like I do want to be in this program and it's like a great school and even me just like having the idea to book a plane ticket to go to that area and do you know like even have a tour that just like signals to me oh yeah I do want to go to the school and it's like not because I want education like to be in school again you know it's just like I really do want to go to a great program and get a good like good education and then also have a lot of connections so I think you know me just kind of learning throughout this past year or year or two it just kind of made me realize like yeah you're just going you're pretty much just like growing up and going through experiences like it's yes you do sacrifice money and time and energy along the way but it's kind of in a way a full circle because you just get back to where you really need to be and yeah that's just kind of like something that I've learned growing up you just kind of have to go through experiences and just kind of learn as you go and then in the end or like not even in the end but like in the end you end up where you need to be so um but yeah that is what I wanted to talk about today guys um I definitely had more to say but I actually do need to go again I see I did not plan this well. I was actually wanting to record this podcast episode for maybe a week now because um I just wanted to get an episode out for you guys but like also share really important and fun updates but I just did not have the time to I was so tired and then you know like traveling from work to my apartment and then also stuff with my family and like eating out hanging out with my family so um yeah just not did not have the time and I'm glad I could do that today. So yeah guys thank you all so much for listening to this podcast episode and I will I'll probably talk to you guys no not probably I will I I love doing these episodes guys I love posting consistently and just like sharing everything with you guys but I did open up the fan mail setting or like feature on my podcast so feel free to send me anything guys feel free to write to me and yeah I just really want to interact with you guys so but I hope you are enjoying this podcast so far thank you for listening if you made it this far and I will talk to you guys in my next episode bye bye