Why Am I Into This? The Psychology Behind the Cuckold Fantasy

Have you ever found yourself asking, "Why am I into this?" If so, you're not alone.

In this episode of The Cuckold Marriage Podcast, Lexie and Chris explore the psychology behind the cuckold fantasy—not to diagnose or explain it away, but to have an honest conversation about the thoughts, emotions, and questions that so many men experience.

Together, they discuss why the fantasy can bring excitement and shame at the same time, the difference between guilt and shame, why humiliation is often misunderstood, and how many men struggle with the fear that their fantasies somehow define who they are. They also explore the emotional needs that may exist beneath the fantasy, how healthy couples communicate about difficult desires, and why curiosity and self-understanding are far more valuable than self-judgment.

Whether you're brand new to these thoughts or you've been wrestling with them for years, this episode offers an open, judgment-free conversation about identity, vulnerability, trust, and the importance of understanding yourself.

If you'd like more Lexie, join her on Fansly for exclusive content and behind-the-scenes access. To find her Fansly or to learn more about coaching for individuals and couples, visit www.CuckoldressLexie.com.

Have a question or an idea for a future episode? We'd love to hear from you! Email us at Podcast@CuckoldressLexie.com.

Thank you for listening, and if you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a five-star review, and share it with someone who might benefit from the conversation.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hello everyone, I'm cuck cultress Lexi Meadows, and welcome back to the Cutcold Marriage Podcast. If you've ever found yourself thinking, why am I into this? Or what does this fantasy say about me? You're definitely not alone. For so many men, discovering a cuckold fantasy can bring about excitement and curiosity, but it can also bring about confusion and guilt and even shame. Some wonder if it means that they're weak, and others worry that maybe something's broken inside of them. Some spend years trying to understand this fantasy that just keeps coming back, even when they wish maybe that it wouldn't. Today we're diving into the psychology behind the occult fantasy, not to diagnose anyone or pretend that there's one simple explanation because there's not, but to have an honest conversation about desire and identity, vulnerability, shame, humiliation, control, all the emotional experiences that accompany this fantasy. Most importantly, we're gonna talk about how couples can approach these conversations in a way that builds trust and deepens intimacy, thereby replacing shame with understanding. Before we get into today's conversation, I just want to take a moment to say thank you. Whether this is your very first episode or if you've been listening since the beginning, I truly appreciate you being here. I know Chris does as well. If you're enjoying the Cuck Hold Marriage Podcast, I'd really appreciate it if you would follow us on your favorite podcast app, maybe subscribe on YouTube, and leave us a five-star review. It helps more than you guys know. And if you'd like even more of me, you can check out my Fansly. That's where I share exclusive photos, videos, and behind the scenes content. Gives you a chance to see a little more of my naughty side. And your support on Fansly directly helps us to continue producing this podcast. Finally, if you have a question, a story you'd like to discuss, or even an idea for a future episode, please send us an email. You can email us at podcast at cuccultresslexie.com, or you can just click send fan mail in the show notes. We read every message. Some of our favorite episodes were suggested by listeners. So let's go ahead and get into today's conversation. Chris, you ready?

SPEAKER_02 2:10

I am ready. I think this is a really good topic, Lexi, because I think a lot of us who have, and in particular on the male side, when you have the cuck fantasy, it does carry with it a lot of questions about where did this come from? It carries with it some shame, some guilt. There's just a lot of stuff that goes into it. So I'm glad we're able to discuss this together and maybe sift through some of this stuff that goes on in the mind of the cuck and probably the the cuck holders, probably the wife too, or the partner. So I'll go ahead and tee us off with some of these questions, Lexi, and then we can kind of um piggyback on some of the answers. So I think probably the the starting point for this is the question that so many men ask themselves when they're having this experience, which is why am I into this? Why? Lexi, I know you've had a chance to work with a lot of cucks, and obviously you're married to me. Do you have initial thoughts on this kind of on this kind of why? And and then I'll kind of touch on some viewpoints I have.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Well, I mean, first, I think that there's a reason for the confusion to start with, because I think society says that men must possess and compete and and win at all costs, and cucks are aroused by something that kind of challenges those notions. You know, there's no clear-cut answer as to why you have a certain fantasy. We all have our fantasies. We all have the things that are in we're into and that turn us on. Some people like you like blondes. You know, there's you know, we all watch porn. Maybe some of the maybe we're really aroused by the oral sex portion of the porn or whatever. We don't question those fantasies. We don't, you know, but we this fantasy brings about a sense of what's what's going on with me, you know, like why on earth would I like this? And, you know, I think that men spend years wondering this and not getting any sort of answer because there's no one for them to talk to. And isolation brings about shame. What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 4:08

Yeah, I think those are all really good points, especially the not having somebody but I I guess what uh was going through my mind as you as you were providing that answer, Lexi, is why why is it that certain types of dynamics like like swinging don't carry the same kind of connotation or guilt? And and I don't know, maybe it's because both partners are playing, so they just feel like it's just just totally normal. We're both getting some side action. But I, you know, there's there's very there's not a lot of difference between that and and and what we do, except for the fact that I just I don't connect with other people.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

And I I do think that you hit the nail on the head, you know, swinging, I think people are more okay with it because both partners are getting to participate and play. And so each one gets the the bonus of the perk of getting to do someone else. But when someone is allowing their partner to do that, but they don't have any desire to do that as well, that sense of unevenness and unfairness can can cause maybe that sense of why would I like this?

SPEAKER_02 5:07

Yeah. And what's interesting is that that sense of unfairness is something that us as cucks actually like. So we like elevating our women and making it a little bit unfair where where they have, you know, the best of everything. And so yeah, it's it's just a it it's it's unbalanced, but it's unbalanced on purpose and with consent, if that makes any sense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Absolutely. So, you know, does this fantasy mean that there's something wrong with you?

SPEAKER_02 5:34

No, I don't think so. I mean, I think that anybody should be talking to a I think it's a good practice for anybody to have a therapist just like they have a primary care physician or a dentist. At the same time, if you're in these kind of dynamics, I think having a kink-friendly therapist is a good idea. And only you can determine whether or not you need to be working with somebody and whether or not you think that your path is a healthy one or not. And you'll know by your feelings whether or not it's healthy, you know, depending on what you're doing. But but I I think it's always best practice to kind of have a little bit of a sense or understanding of where something's coming from. And and that'll help you avoid potential hurt with it and and just explore the parts that I think are the most fun in this dynamic.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Aaron Powell Yeah. You know, I I definitely don't think that this having this fantasy means any there's anything wrong with you. A lot of men question, they're like, Am I am I weak for wanting this?

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Or am I broken? Yeah. I mean, these thoughts do go through the heads of us on the on the cuck side or on the cut queen side. I I have no idea. I've never really had an in-depth conversation with a cut queen, but I but I know that that that from the male perspective, these thoughts go around our head a lot. Like we're constantly asking ourselves, like, is there something wrong? Like, but at the same time, like I said, you know, you gotta be talking to professionals. You you gotta also be be honest with yourself, you gotta be honest with your spouse. And if everything feels okay and you're enjoying it, that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Also to the men that are asking themselves, like, am I am I weak? You know, cucks, we've discussed this before that, you know, you have to be a strong person to give up that control. But cucks also have to develop in order to do this lifestyle, they have to develop emotional, strong, emotional communication. Uh they have to face extreme honesty uh with their partner, with themselves. They have to have or develop self-awareness, and they also have to have a lot of patience and resilience. So this is not something for the weak. This is something for the strong. And people have different reasons for why they might be excited. You know, it's it's not like there's just one reason. It could be you really like the taboo or the novelty of it. You like the anticipation, you like erotic jealousy, you maybe the emotional intensity of it. Some just really like watching a confident woman of theirs enjoying themselves. So there's you know, and then there's also just surrendering control. So there's lots of different reasons why this might excite someone, and that's obviously not a comprehensive list, but nothing wrong with you. And I know that sometimes fantasies feel very personal, but your fantasy is just a small part of a much larger person. There's so much more to you.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

Yeah, I I agree with that. Uh, I mean, the fantasy doesn't totally define who you are. It's just a part of it's it's just a part of how you live your your life and your lifestyle. It's it's not it's not totally who you are.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Yeah, your fantasy does not determine your kindness or your loyalty, your your parenting, your work ethic, your integrity or your values. It's simply something that turns you on. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Yeah. And uh So if you think about this, why do you think so many men hide this for years, Lexi? Because you know, so many of uh the guys that you work with say to you, I can't talk to anybody else about this. They're even afraid to talk to their therapist or whatever about this, but they talk to you. So why do so many men hide this for years? What are you what are you hearing from guys? And you know, how does it feel just having a guy trust you enough to talk to you about these things?

SPEAKER_00 9:01

Well, first of all, that that trust is is wonderful, and I am so happy that I can uh be someone that they can talk to. But you know, I think it's a fear of rejection, first and foremost. I think it's fear of maybe being ridiculed or misunderstood. They don't wanna they're scared to disappoint their spouse or, you know, what is my spouse gonna think of me? Is this gonna change how she sees me? Is this gonna change our sex life forever in a negative way? You know, I I think that's why they hide it.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

And I think also that, you know, somewhere along the line, somebody may have told them this is wrong, this is, you know, the you has has made them feel shame around it. I know that stuff that I've experienced in my life is just the shame around it, you know, by being being told by by anybody that I would confide into about it. So I think that somewhere along the line, if somebody tells you that's wrong, that uh that you're gonna be more likely to recoil. And then when I find some when I found somebody like you, Lexi, who was open, I mean, for me, the best part is that I feel like I can I can be my authentic self with you completely and not have to hide aspects of who I am. Because as we just mentioned, your your sexuality is one aspect of who you are, but it is an aspect and it's an important aspect, especially in the context of a relationship or a marriage. So having to h hide part of that from your partner is can be really damaging and lead to you never really having a fulfilling full relationship if you're not able to be honest about everything with your partner.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Yeah. Why do you think that so many men feel shame after becoming aroused?

SPEAKER_02 10:34

Well, I think that, you know, there is that sense of that sense of guilt. You know, your your wife is is with somebody else. But I think that it's just societal pressure would be, you know, maybe the fear of societal pressure. But I do see a lot of men who, after a scene or something like that, will feel this guilt and shame, will almost retreat from the from the conversation or around the topic for a little while until until they're they're feeling back. So I do see guys go through a pretty significant drop after the after this and after after a scene is over after release or something like that. So just keep that in mind, is that I after after there's a pause in the action, you may feel that sense and uh just make sure your partner is attuned with that so that so that you can get the support and aftercare that you need.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Yeah, and guys, remember that shame is not proof that the fantasy is wrong. You know, it's it's you kind of fighting with yourself because part of you says, I like this. This is great. But then another part of you at the same time is saying, I'm not allowed to like this. Society says I'm not allowed to like this, therefore this is bad. And, you know, that's that's the internal struggle I think that a lot of guys go through.

SPEAKER_02 11:45

Yeah, no, I completely agree with that. So what's the difference between guilt and shame in this, in this context? I think that there is difference between guilt and shame in general. Do you think in in this, or maybe I can tee this one up because I have some thoughts around this? So guilt can be a helpful emotion, shame is not. Shame is just when you kind of hide in the corner and and and don't want to face anybody, and guilt is when you guilt can help you confront some stuff and maybe correct behaviors that are damaging. And so if you're having guilt around this, I would ask yourself, is that guilt necessary? Like, is there, is there are you causing actual damage that you need to feel guilty about? I and if the answer is no, why why why do you have that guilt? Shame is a little bit different. Shame, shame is an emotion that is probably gonna come whether you're hurting somebody or not. So it's how do you deal with that shame? Lexi, what are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 12:35

I mean, I agree. Guilt is, you know, like I I did something I regret and I feel bad about it. Whereas shame is more like I'm a terrible person. Oh my gosh, I I am horrible. And guilt therefore can lead to growth, but shame usually leads to hiding and feeling bad about yourself. One is helpful, one is not.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Yeah. And Crystal Welch has said that cuck holding is eroticized shame, which I think is interesting. And I guess there's a difference between using something that you've been ashamed of or something that has been, you know, for me, like jealousy, like eroticizing jealousy is is one of the reasons I do this. But I I guess it just depends on how it's surfacing and how much like is it, is it, is it doing you actually damage or or not? Because I guess my next question is can shame actually make the fantasy stronger? What do you think, Lexi? Can shame, can shame actually like increase the intensity in a fantasy? Like, could it actually be a good thing?

SPEAKER_00 13:32

I mean, that's tough to say. It's it's possible. I, you know, the this fantasy can, because of, you know, societal norms, can feel a bit forbidden. And when things are forbidden, they tend to lend themselves to secrecy. And when you're the only one one in on the secret, it's easy to kind of obsess over it. And then that obsession obviously is going to turn around and make the fantasy more powerful.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

And I think that for me, it's not the shame that makes it more intense, because I I don't got I I wouldn't say that's a that's an issue I struggle a lot with, is the shame. But the jealousy does make it more intense. So for me, it's not eroticized shame, it's more eroticized jealousy. And I really the the there is something to that. Like the jealousy does make it more intense. When you are with somebody and I'm super jealous, it it actually hot. Like it makes me want you back. It makes me want to get you back. And then when you couple that with when you are back and you pull some of your cuck holder's lexi moves, like denial, it like increases it. It just revs my engine even more because then I'm jealous, somebody had you, I want you back. You make me wait to get you back. It's brilliantly played because it really does a good job of extending that fantasy and really just kind of touching my nerves exactly where they need to be touched in order for this to really reach its peak level of excitement. Does that make sense, Lexi?

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So, where would you think that humiliation would fit into all of this?

SPEAKER_02 15:04

That's a really good question because I think a lot of guys like that humiliation aspect, like spa small penis humiliation or just being compared to a bull. I like the teasing. I wouldn't say that it's crosses into the line of humiliation. I'm not into like small penis humiliation, that kind of stuff. Although when you are with like a super big guy, that's fun. That comparison of like you've been with some, like lately you've been with some pretty big dudes. And I I I've never been into small pinnacle humiliation. I'm still not, but that was a turn on to me. Just you having a guy that just I clearly couldn't like I physically can't do what he did to you. Like it's not possible.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Rearranged my insides.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

You got your insides rearranged. More on that coming soon. But you got your insides rearranged and uh It was hot. I mean, it was really hot. And uh I I uh I I I I don't know about about the humiliation though, but I I really, really like the teasing, but man, some cucks really love the humiliation. It's a big part of their of their lifestyle. And I think that's um I think that's great. If if you are all playing and you're and you're all being consensual and and all being safe and the safe word, like have fun with that. That sounds super fun.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

Yeah. And you know, as you can tell from like our relationship as an example, you know, humiliation is not required to have a cuck holding lifestyle. It can certainly add to it and enhance it for a lot of people, but it's not a requirement. I think some people think it is, and it's it's not. You don't have to have that level of humiliation to have a really enjoyable dynamic in this lifestyle.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

I I'm not being walked around on a leash in our relationship, but if you are, have fun with it, go for it.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Right. Uh so what do you think humiliation actually means?

SPEAKER_02 16:49

I think that humiliation in the context of this relationship is just another aspect of giving up control. And I think that's what a lot of us really enjoy is the letting go of control in a cuck holding dynamic. I know I know for me, I like to be in control of life in general, right, honey?

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Yeah, too much so.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

So when it comes to this aspect, it's just kind of nice to just be like, all right, I kind of don't have a choice here. I'm just kind of along for the ride. And there's a certain pleasure in that and also just like a mental relief of not being in control. It it's it's really powerful, erotic, and also in a weird sense, calming. So that that's what I think is is is part of it is that letting go of control and and and part of that can be pretty humiliating, depending on what your how devilishly evil your cuckoldress decides to be.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Yeah, you know, I mean, humiliation can run the gamut. It can it can be playful teasing, which I definitely do with Chris. You know, it's um it can be a power exchange where which is a beautiful thing, the cuck trusts the cuckoldress enough to let her take control. And, you know, I think that you were talking about letting letting go of the control. I think that it we uh cucks tend to be not always, but they tend to be on the more successful side. They're at least typically like manager level. They they have people below them, they're making decisions all day. Some of them, a lot of them run their own business and everything like that. And so letting go of control and even to a humiliating degree and having that kind of rubbed in his face can be pleasurable and enjoyable. So can someone enjoy the fantasy without ever wanting to live in it?

SPEAKER_02 18:30

I mean, that's a really good question. You know, Lexi, I feel like that's even a better one for you because I know with you, you deal with a lot of guys whose wives like they're open to playing in the bedroom and doing fantasy talk and maybe using toys and that kind of stuff, but they're not willing to take it to the next level. I know for me, I really enjoy the actual living aspect, but look, it if at some point in time we just decided to make it just a between us bedroom pillow talk thing, I I I think I would be okay with that, especially because we've done so much already. What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Well, I I think that it's definitely okay for the fantasy to stay fantasy. It can. Um, there's lots of fantasies that do. People fantasize about having sex with a celebrity. They usually don't end up having sex with a celebrity. Public play, you know, they they may have this turn on for having sex in public, but they never do it because one, it's illegal, and they just they are too shy. But it really turns them on, you know, group sex. Some people fantasize about that, but never actually do it, and that's fine. A fantasy is a fantasy, it doesn't require action. Curiosity doesn't require action. And one thing that people will sometimes find is that the fantasy and the reality don't quite match up.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Yeah, I think that's a big one. Is uh if you are a cuck and you've been l just swimming in cuck porn, and then your wife finally agrees to do this with you or your partner, your girlfriend, whoever, it's probably not gonna look like that cuck porn, especially not at first. Uh I mean, look, there are some people that are intense and like there are real life things that look very similar to cuck porn. There really are. Like that stuff actually does happen in this lifestyle, but it doesn't happen all the time, and it's not the norm. And so I think that it's important for you to temper your expectations and really just think about, you know, it it's not it's not gonna be like that, like that porn that you're watching, most likely. It's probably gonna be a lot more tame, but it is gonna be more intense. Even though it's not all that stuff you see, it's gonna be intense when you when you do do it.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

So you've been thinking about it. But turning fantasy into reality takes more than curiosity, it takes direction. I work with couples and individuals to guide you through the conversations and dynamics that make a cuck holding relationship actually work. Those first conversations and introductions to your fantasy are especially critical. Done right, it changes everything. Done wrong, it can break it. If you're ready to do it the right way, book time with me at cuckholderslexie.com. So what do you think? I'll ask you this question. What do you think happens when a spouse responds with curiosity instead of judgment?

SPEAKER_02 21:13

Oh my gosh, when a spouse responds with curiosity instead of judgment, it is like that is music to my ears. When when a spouse just shuts something down and basically tells you, no, this is terrible, it it leads you to, I mean, you shrink a little bit and uh you you your voice kind of goes away. You you you're more careful about what you're gonna bring up in the future, you know, that's a but the fantasy might not go away. So like that's that's a problem. Now, when your when your spouse or your partner, when I brought it up to you, we were we were really new in dating. I mean, we were only dating for weeks when I brought it up to you. And your response, and when we finally sat down and talked about it, it was just so just asking a lot of questions and talking about limits, talking about you know what my fantasy had been, you know, and and we started in and and I think I I think I played it well in the sense that we. Really kind of started off a little bit, and I didn't know what I wanted it to be. So we started off as Steg Vixen, and I was super happy with that and just naturally progressed into this. And I didn't know we would, I probably would have been happy if we would have stayed Stag Vixen, but this is even more intense. And this is uh this is pretty wonderful, but it's all because you responded to me with curiosity and openness and willing to just be game for trying different things, which I think I think that partners on both ends should learn from that. Like, unless you're causing somebody harm, physical harm or something like that, or putting somebody in a dangerous situation. You know, try things. Try things with your spouse. That might be this fantasy, it might be something else. Just you only live once. And um, if your spouse has a really strong desire and it's something that you think that was in the in the realm of something being reasonable, give it a try. Why why not? You know, life is so short.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

Yeah. And I think, you know, for all the possible spouses listening out there, you know, they're when your partner finally is able to open up to you and and tells you their fantasy, you know, they're they're clenched. Their butt is clenched, they're like, you know, holding their breath. And it's this is your moment to shine. There is you can you can do some real damage here if you hit it up with, what the hell is wrong with you? As opposed to, okay, um help me, help me understand, you know, tell me, tell me some more. Showing up with curiosity instead of judgment can make or break everything. And uh, you know, judgment makes people hide and feel shameful, and curiosity makes people apt to explain, and then you learn. And it may be different than what you first had in your head. So you staying curious and asking more questions and keeping an open mind allows you to get more information that you need in order to maybe make a yes, I can totally do that decision, or I'm I'm not gonna be that kind of girl, you know. Uh so that's important.

SPEAKER_02 24:00

So, what have we learned about ourselves in this dynamic by by being open and all that stuff? I think that's a really good question.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

I think so. You're my little bitch.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

Wait, say that a little bit louder.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

We learned that you're my little bitch.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Yes, we have learned that I am your little bitch, and it's a good time being nice. Um I think I've learned that I can trust my wife with my emotions. And she doesn't ever slam them or make me feel bad. And, you know, whenever I share a new idea with her, you know, she's she's pretty straightforward. So if I come up with an idea, she's, you know, sometimes she's like, yeah, let's try that. Sometimes she's like, nope, never gonna happen. And I I've become, you know, accepting of that because she's so cool with everything else and she's just so open to talking. There's nothing I can't really bring up with her in regards to this aspect or really anything else, because she's so open to hearing feedback and uh just ideas, and she's so game for everything. So I think what that has taught me is that uh I really, and I already kind of knew this, I I really respond well to very strong women leadership. Um, you know, I think you're a powerful woman, Lexi, and and it's uh it's not only a turn-on, but it's just it's just an honor to be married to somebody who's just such a badass, honestly. What have you learned about yourself?

SPEAKER_00 25:17

You know, I I coming into this, I I didn't know the sort of um dominant power that I had within myself. I had done some cuckolding in a previous relationship, but it wasn't the same. And so I I had obviously discovered some of my power there, but it I really discovered a lot more in me during our our time together. And um, I feel like we have a ability to be intimate and discuss anything that's on our minds sexually. And yeah, I think that not being judgmental toward each other has has been an important thing. I mean, I can't even imagine if I had been, you know, bitchy about it when you first brought it up and and just like how it would have just kind of crushed your soul a little bit. So, you know, it's I'm glad that we have the sort of open communication and non-judgmental zone that we make, a bubble around ourselves where we're just not judgmental. And I think that that's important for everyone out there to try to adopt, especially when someone is confessing something that's maybe a little hard for them to confess, that they are feeling a little vulnerable.

SPEAKER_02 26:25

Yeah. I mean, you're you're confessing, you know, one of your deepest, darkest, I don't know if it's dark, but your deepest, darkest secrets and desires. And, you know, of course, Lexi, I would I would never get onto a pod global podcast and express this, right? But but it's uh it's just so nice when you're when your spouse is just understanding. And it could have, it could be a no, but you know, even if it's a no, if you're if you're if you're cool about it, if you're understanding, if you say no but, you know, like what can that other but be? Like what can we do? I I think that that's I think that's so critical because it just you don't want your partner to shut down. Like I think like that's the death of many relationships is when somebody shuts down and just stops sharing those intimate things and those intimate thoughts because those intimate things and intimate thoughts are still happening in your head, you're just not sharing it with your spouse anymore. So now you're living this almost separate relationship where you have your sexual fantasies in your head. Maybe you're living them out through cuck porn on the side. W when I could be, you know, engaging my partner in that in some way.

SPEAKER_00 27:27

Yeah. And I think that, you know, compromises sometimes are necessary. And and especially in this this lifestyle, I most of the uh cucks that I've talked to, although it wouldn't be their dream, it wouldn't be ideal if she their partner never hooked up with someone else physically, they would at least be satiated if it was if the fantasy was role-played out and uh it became a part of their sex life, and maybe not every time, but regularly, so that they do get to live out their fantasy um at least that way. And so I think that that's a reasonable compromise. I think that um, I mean, I I can't speak for other women, but I think that, you know, just like our partners maybe do stuff for us sexually, we need to do stuff for them and engaging in this fantasy every once in a while would probably mean the world to these guys that are bashfully trying to tell us what they're into. So there's, you know, in in other, you know, realms of humiliation or just other fantasies, BDSM, like everything, there are always compromises to be had. It doesn't have to be, yeah, no, I don't like that. I don't like the idea. I'm not into it. That's not my style. I'm not gonna go with it. There's usually, not always, but usually a compromise that can be had.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

Yeah, I think we should do a whole episode on just like ideas of ways that you can cuck your partner without sex being involved, because I can think of about a million things that are like super hot. Like I like I just I love, love when we go out to bars. And when we go out to bars, we almost at least Lexi almost never wears her wedding ring. And so she gets hit on. And like to me, that's super, super fun. Like to me, that's that that's as much fun as as the bedroom stuff a lot of the times, especially if it's cool and you're like dancing with the person, you're into them. I think that's super hot. And it doesn't have to involve the bedroom because the good majority of the time you're not bringing people home. I mean, it's you have to find the right person, but you are always down to like dance and talk and like that kind of stuff with another guy. So like and and potentially like make out with somebody. Like that's so much lighter of a lift than taking somebody home. So there's a lot of ways to act this out.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

Yeah, and you absolutely are in hog heaven, you know. I don't have to go to a guy's hotel room for you to be like just drooly.

SPEAKER_02 29:49

Totally. Oh my gosh. It is like my favorite thing to do is go is is when we go out to just like a vanilla bar and I get to see you just have fun and and be hit on. I just like I love that. That is like that that is my favorite.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

And it's so nice because it takes the pressure off of me. Like it's it's not fuck a dude or it didn't happen, you know, fuck a dude or you're not doing my cuck holding that I want you to, honey. You know, it's there's there's all different levels, there's different uh ways to do it. And so the fact that he gets turned on by even times where I'm not actually with a bull or anything like that makes life a lot easier on me.

SPEAKER_02 30:25

Yeah, it it really does. And so, guys, just keep that in mind. So, Lexi, if somebody listening asked you, and this is kind of taking it full circle for full circle here, if somebody listening, you know, wrote and asked you or asked you on a coaching session, what's wrong with me? What would you tell them?

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Uh nothing's wrong with you. Not a damn thing. People like this fantasy for so many different reasons, and none of them are wrong. And you know, sometimes you can ask yourself, what is this fantasy kind of trying is what is it giving me emotionally? What you know, trying to drill down and seeing like what is this fantasy doing for me can also help you to have a clearer picture of yourself. And so you're asking basically what can I learn about myself? And you know, that's that's getting really deep into it. And I I do like doing that, but you know, some some people don't want to get that deep into it. And so to them I say it's a it's a freaking fantasy. There's nothing wrong with fantasies if as long as they don't involve children or animals, like you know, un basically creatures that cannot consent, there's nothing wrong. Um, we all like different things and we don't need to be judged for it, we don't need to feel shame for it. It just comes naturally to us and it it doesn't it doesn't explain anything else about us. There's there's so much to us. We're so multifaceted, there's a million things to us, and your fantasies are just one itty bitty little speck on all the things that make you up.

SPEAKER_02 31:52

I agree. I would I would I would tell them if somebody said what's wrong with me, I would say, I mean, nothing if this you're if if you're referring just to this fantasy. Like if that's the thing that you're super concerned about, I would say probably nothing. You probably just have like a thing for this fantasy. And, you know, like Lexi has said, there are so many different fantasies out there. But what's interesting is that, you know, and and when KD from Kink3D was on, he was talking about uh was he talking about clips for sale? I think he was talking about clips for sale, that website where you can buy porn clips. And I think he was saying chastity was like one of the top search terms, and cuckold was like right behind it. So not only is this just a fantasy that you have, but it is an overwhelmingly popular fantasy that most people don't talk about. So you are not in the majority. You are with millions of other people that have this exact same fantasy. So keep that in mind as you're going through this. All right, Lexi, can we can we turn to it to a listener question?

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 32:52

Okay, so we got one question written in from the great state of Minnesota, and it says, My wife and I appreciate your podcast. We are new to this, been dirty talking, cuck holding in the bedroom for a few years, and now we are trying to set up the first bull. Good for you. Over the last year, we went to a kink party. My wife has been dressing sexy and posting on FetLife, and we'll go out sometimes in the evening dressing sexy, been increasing chastity as well. Our issue is finding good bulls, but even more trying to find, trying to figure out friendships in the lifestyle. We are busy and have a family life uh that has to stay vanilla. I think my question is more how to make friendships and connections in the lifestyle without the immediate pressure of play. I mean, we are starting to play slowly, but it would help to have a couples or friends, and that is a hard thing to do uh at uh at a party, at a party, at the link party we went to. Finally, how do we check at the kink party? Sorry. Finally, how do we check to see if a potential partner has tested clean? So, Lexi, do you want to take on the the uh the friendship part? Because I know recently uh like you mate, you made a a female friend. You have a new female friend that that we met at a lifestyle club. Um, so can you just talk about like how how that works? And I mean, we've met other people that that that we're cool with within this lifestyle and all that kind of stuff. How does how does it work?

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Yeah, I mean, that's honestly going to uh, you know, lifestyle clubs, that's that's how we've met different people that we've been uh friends with. You know, usually we're more just acquaintances, but you know, I have a a really nice girlfriend that I met. Um we met when we were out not too long ago. I think we did an episode about it. And um, you know, she and I are still hanging out to this day. As far as so, I mean, I do think like that's that's the the place that I know to meet other couples who are in this lifestyle. Um and then you can also meet couples at, you know, house parties, kink house parties. But you mentioned, you know, how can we make friends without the immediate pressure to hook up? And that one I don't have a good answer for because every, you know, different people are gonna be different levels of cool. And everyone's there for the most part to potentially meet a person or a couple. And so it can be very difficult to basically be like, hey, I want to be friends, but let's let's chill and uh, you know, pump the brakes on hooking up immediately. But saying something to that effect might behoove you because and you know, what you can do is, you know, not everyone is expecting to go home with you that night. So try not to think that everyone has just like already got a hotel room booked, they've caught champagne on ice at home or something, you know. Some not everyone's gonna be like, okay, tonight's the night, let's do this. So if you're not comfortable hooking up that night, that's fine. You can still be friends with them and be like, you know, well, we usually take more time, you know, before hooking up, you know, where we actually have an early morning tomorrow or something like that. To let them know that you are still interested, but that you're not ready to fuck immediately. Chris, what do you think?

SPEAKER_02 36:04

I I think that approaching folks in those kind of uh situations, whether that be in uh in lifestyle clubs or at parties or you're at Splash or or anything like that, uh I think that that's important. I think also I think I I found it harder to make friends or find people that are into this same exact dynamic because normally when we go out, it's people that are more in the swingers dynamic. So it's hard it's hard to find people that are exactly like us. But there's a lot of Telegram groups out there. There's uh there's Facebook groups, and and and I'm I'm talking about ones where we're we're where people interact as as more Yeah, yeah. We we talk about kinky shit on those things, but but it's also uh community. It's community. It's community. People support each other. So one minute, you know, in these groups, people will be posting pictures of essentially cuck porn, and then the next minute somebody will be asking for questions on like a medical situation they're having. And I really like that uh because uh I've seen I've seen people come to support each other, but also like, okay, let now we're playing fantasy. Okay, now this person actually needs some advice on one thing or another. And so what you have to do is you have to you have to see them as a human being first, not not not just a not just a sexual object, not not just a okay, this is I'm living in a in a cuck porn. We're all human beings and see them as a human being first, figure out what they're into. Maybe maybe the couple shockingly has interests outside of the bedroom, you know, and you'll probably find commonalities in that. So, you know, treat them like humans first and and you're probably gonna have a better time making friends.

SPEAKER_00 37:37

Yeah. And the last part of that question was testing. Yeah, it was how do you how do you check to see if a potential partner tested clean? And I mean, there's not a nationwide database, you know, that's you check by asking for test results. It's awkward, it's never fun, but it's if you, especially if you're wanting to go bareback and not use condoms, it's it's a necessary conversation. And you just have to be prepared and decide ahead of time what your response is going to be based on their response. Hopefully they have test results that are recent, but if they don't, then you have your answer. I don't know any better way to find out if someone is is clean.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

Yeah, you just have to ask. Well, Lexi, this has been a great conversation. If there's one thing I hope that everybody takes away from today's conversation, it's that having a fantasy doesn't define who you are. Curiosity is healthy and shame doesn't have to be part of the journey. If you don't want it to, it might be fun for you. That might be part of uh of your thing. Thank you all so much for listening. If you enjoyed today's episode, please follow the podcast, leave us a five-star review, and share it with somebody who might need to hear this conversation. And if you'd like more of Lexi, join her on Fansly for her exclusive content. And if you're uh looking for coaching, also you can visit at the same place. You can get to Lexi's Fansley or her coaching services at cuckholdresslexie.com. We'd also love to hear from you. So send your questions uh to us at podcast at cuckholdresslexie.com or in the uh in the show notes, you can just click on the link that says send fan mail, or you can send us a message via text, or you can actually leave us a voice message, which we really enjoy. So until next time, take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and we'll see you on the next episode. You want to say bye, Lexi?

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Bye, guys.