Episode 6:The Unexpected Journey from Darkness to Light: How I Reclaimed My Power and Faith

Jen shares her personal journey from a confused religious childhood and school bullying to survive child abuse, losing and reclaiming friendships, and finding healing through therapy, faith, and community.   

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey besties, welcome to the Bestie Blend, your weekly sip of laughs, life hacks, and real talk vibes. I'm Jen and I'm Nancy Ann. And every episode we mix friendship, fun, and a little bit of honesty to help you feel seen, inspired, and ready for the week. Whether you're commuting, chilling with the latte, or scrolling through your feed, we've got stories, guest chats, and tiny rituals to brighten your day. Grab your drink, get coffee, and let's blend it up.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Let's blend. I got my cup of coffee. I do too. In my favorite mug. Nice. So do I. So how's your week going, Jen? What's going on with you?

SPEAKER_00 0:41

It's been busy this week. New air conditioning with, you know, drama.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Woot woop.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Gotta love working with businesses. Larry's daughter is coming to town. It's been 10 years since they've seen each other, so the reconnection has been pretty cool.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

It's been so exciting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

That's awesome. We have a we have a baby shower tomorrow for my niece. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

The the uh group is at Disneyland today, having some father-daughter time and auntie and I stay home and do this and clean the house, right? Jealous? Totally.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

We're gonna have a girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

How are you healing?

SPEAKER_02 1:19

I'm doing great. I get to go to work today for the first time since surgery. So that will be interesting, physically going into the showroom downtown. So that will be fun. I feel wonderful. I feel a lot lighter. Life is actually have you driven yet? I've driven a little tiny bit, not a lot. So today will be my first like longer drive. So we'll see. Are you okay?

SPEAKER_00 1:41

You're comfortable sitting?

SPEAKER_02 1:42

Yeah, I think I'm good. I'm okay. I get tired, but yeah, I think I'm I'm good. I can I can do lots of fun things right now. It's not everything, but yeah, I'm becoming part of the land of the living again. So that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Well, I know our listeners can't see us. I look dead because I just rolled out of bed about an hour ago, but you look so cute.

SPEAKER_02 2:03

Thanks. Well, I'm going downtown. It's sample sale day. I gotta show up. So last week we piggybacked on my story. And to those who reached out, wow, seriously, it's absolutely insane. The the messages I've received this past week have been totally crazy and absolutely amazing. And there's some crazy healing going on, which is really awesome. I'm very excited about that. So thank you all who've listened and who've reached out. It's been super amazing.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

So this week we're gonna go back to my story. It's personal, so grab your tea. I don't think you'll need tissues, but grab them if you need them. So we'll go back into kind of my upbringing, I guess. So I think what's a little funny, and I use humor to calm the nerves.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

So I grew up in, I guess, like that Christian household, if you can call it that. But biologically, mom and dad are both Jewish. I am Jewish by trade. By DNA. By DNA. During that whole like the religion itself, nobody really taught me it. I mean, sure, we, you know, we went to temple. I had no clue what I was listening to. But I think out of like our whole entire family, I can't remember if my mom was bot mitzved, but I was I was never bot mitzved, but all of my cousins, everybody went to to Hebrew school, and they all were bar mitzvah or bot mitzvah.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

It's so did you celebrate any of the holidays though? Like the Jewish holidays, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:38

I got the best of both worlds. I got Hanukkah and Christmas. Nice. Couldn't tell you what Hanukkah stood for back then. We did Passover, it was just the family getting together. Like we always, I should say, my family told the story, but I was so young, I didn't know. I do know now, but yeah, so we went to like some of the high holidays, I'd go to temple, but again, you're sitting there, and I'm like, I have no idea what any of it really means.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

You just cut up.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Right. So when my dad was with my stepmom, somehow everything kind of converted, and they went from dad being in the Jewish religion, and not that I ever did anything with him, to my stepmom being raised Catholic, then all of a sudden they became Christian. And I don't really know how all that happened or why.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

I think the earliest I remember going to church, I was probably already six when all the hip the abuse had begun. You know, it was basically a cycle of and then it would just repeat. It was like, we're gonna go get forgiven and then we're gonna go home and continue our lifestyle, right? Mm-hmm. So the church that we had gone to, it was called Bethariel. It was like a Jews for Jesus type of church, those Jews who became believers. And I mean, it was cool. I remember like all the stories from the Bible. I so after going to this Bethariel, I don't know what happened first, but remember I went to that elementary school that was public, and then they transferred me to a private school. So I went to a Baptist private school. So then we just started going to that church. And my stepmom worked at the school. Elementary school was pretty brutal for me. I don't know that I've ever told you that. But when I was at school, I was bullied. I think it was harder that my stepmom worked there because she didn't care, obviously. And I don't even know if she really knew that I was getting bullied.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

Yeah. Well, that makes, I mean, you you've got to feel like nowhere's safe then. Like home wasn't safe, school wasn't safe. Where are you gonna go?

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Right. Exactly. I think when I first got to the school, I had to repeat second grade. So I was in second grade, and that was like actually, I like my teacher. I was a new kid, everything was totally fine. That was the year that I had lace gloves, like the Madonna lace gloves, and I got them taken away and never got them back. Because I guarantee you the teacher gave it to my stepmom, and then that was the end of it. She probably threw them away.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

Or maybe the teacher kept it for himself. That was the Madonna era.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

I got them at a store. Got them at a store in Venturable Lavard in Sherman Oaks. I love that. I really wish I could remember the name of the store. I know it where it's at, and it's no longer there, but I don't remember the name of it.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

The O store that we used to go to. But that's I think that's still there. Yeah, it's called. It's called Oz.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

It was on, I think it's Cedros. Is it Cedros?

SPEAKER_02 6:36

Cedros and I don't remember, but that was a good time. We used to walk venture boulevard and go shopping and do fun things. That was great.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Back when cruising the boulevard was fun. I know. And safe. Right. Yeah, safe. So yeah, going back to school, it was great. Like I had a good time. As far as just second grade. I ended up hanging out with the the group of girls that were in the grade above me, because technically that was my age group, not my own class because I was held back. That's why you're older. And then I started hanging out more with the boys. It was just I was more comfortable. I mean, growing up in on my mom's side, I was the only girl.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Like we all hung out like with the boys. It was just that was normal for me. It wasn't crushes, it wasn't nothing just at that time. Nothing like just fun. And then back then when Tomboy was a thing, that's what I was. And I remember I should have pulled out some pictures. I had cut my hair literally all off like a voice cut.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

I remember seeing pictures.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Yeah, and I thought, okay, I don't look like a girl. If I did that, well, my brother's not getting abused. Maybe cutting my hair that short. Wow. It would be I'll say turn off now, but I mean, I don't know, was it the words I was looking for? He would leave you alone. Maybe it'll stop. Yeah, maybe it'll stop because I don't look like a little girl. That's no, I didn't stop. It didn't stop.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

That's so heartbreaking though, to think that that that's what you did to yourself to make yourself like feel safe. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Yeah, and it didn't, it didn't work. So, you know, going in through elementary school after the second grade, I think I cut my hair in third grade, third or fourth grade. I don't know. I'd have to go back and look at the pictures. You know, third, fourth, fifth grade, you start doing summer parties with the girls. And you know, with growing up in that elementary school with the girls in the class, it was so hard to be friends with everybody because it depended on the day. There was one, like basically the leader of the crew who was like, today, you know what, we're just not gonna like Jennifer. We're we're not gonna talk to her. And anytime you see her, you're just gonna be mean to her. And I that was my childhood going into elementary school for years, like after second grade. United and then brutal. Right. And then going into slumber parties. You know, I went because it just I don't remember why I went, but I remember one specific night, and I know actually, I guarantee you none of these kids are gonna remember. I'm friends with two of the girls still. Nice or I guess social media, not friends, but we were at her house, and you can hear, I was laying down and I can hear all the whispers about when Jen falls asleep. We're gonna make sure we do A, B, and C. So you think I fell asleep? Yeah, right. I stayed up the entire night and couldn't wait to go back home where I hated home.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Well, they would take like they would take your bras and they would put them in the freezer. Do you remember that? If they didn't like it.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

Yeah, or put your finger in water.

SPEAKER_02 9:37

Oh my god, put your finger in water and make you pee.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Make you pee. Oh my goodness. I don't even know if that was in a that I don't know if that was true, but back then when they're talking about all of these things that they're gonna do these you know terrible things to you, you just yeah, I never that was the end of it. I never did a summer party after that. I think Michelle back in elementary school, because that was like the original OG best friend. I don't even know why I called her a but best friend, but she lived down the street from me and we became friends, and somehow I consider her my best friend, and we both did. But she was such a jerk to me. It would just depend on the day. If she felt like being nice to me, she'd be nice to me. I would go to her house to get the hell out of mine. And so she had a pool. I'm like, every kid, if you don't have a pool, you want to get in the pool. This was before my dad had the pool made in our yard. And I would remember, she's like, Yeah, come over, we'll go swimming. And I'd get there. She's like, I don't want to go swimming. I don't even know why you came here. And I was like, Well, I'll just sit over here on the couch and watch TV because it's better than being in my house. Wow. Our our friendship was like that until what? We you and I met until probably eighth grade. Yeah. But then she went to the same school. Right. We both don't ask me why, but we both like plan on going to the same school because we were best friends, even though we were she was a shitty friend of me.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

Well, I mean, you've mentioned she struggled in the past. Well, you know what?

SPEAKER_00 10:59

The sad part is her daughter, before she passed away, she would, you know, post things on online.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Her daughter was being bullied. And I'm like, in my head, it's karma. But that poor little girl, I know what it felt like.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

But now here Michelle's reaching out and complaining about all these girls and kids, and I'm like, well, you literally did the same thing. Literally. Like, yeah. So do you remember when we were in school and we had those back to school nights, like right a week before school started? Yeah. Okay, so after I got broken up in a letter to the end of seventh grade leading into the summer from that guy.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

You will not mention his name.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

It will always make me laugh, sir. We were going into eighth grade. We went to that thing. I'll just say, remember her ex.

SPEAKER_02 11:45

I'm trying to remember. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

He's married to an Oh yes, I remember now.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

I remember now. Okay. That's all you can say.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

We yeah, I'm not gonna mention his name, but we started talking quite a bit during after my breakup letter. I probably called him because I was sad. I actually think I remember. So we were talking a lot and we were excited to kind of get back into school and we were both kind of at the point. I I liked him. I was almost positive that he liked me because of things that he told me.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

But as soon as we got to that back to school night and he saw Michelle, that was the end of it. Somewhere along those lines, or that year, that that I think it still was before we started school, she shows up at my house, door knocks with her sisters in the car with her. I think he was there, and she gets out like she wants to try to fight me. And I'm like, I why would you come to my house? You that he's yours. I'm not taking anybody from you. I don't even talk to him anymore.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

We're like kids though.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

And that was like the like I finally came to my senses after however many years. Yeah. And just said, I'm done.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Like, life struggles though. Like I feel like that there was a lot of stuff that none of us knew because she was she struggled so much. So there had to be.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

Yeah. Um with her mom and the boyfriend and the divorces between, you know, all of that stuff. I do remember a little bit. Like she was never super, super close when it came to stuff like that. But as a girl, when you're in high school or junior high and you're going through puberty, I remember going, you know, you're excited to go, oh my God, I started my period. And you're, you know, I tell her. And she was a little bit of a late bloomer. So I'm like, she never, like, she still hadn't started. And so we were something happened in school, and she, I don't remember either, told me, she had asked me for a pad. I was like, wait, you didn't tell me you started your period. Like that is that's big. That's like that's like bro code for girls. Like you tell your best friend when you first have your like you're a woman now. Like, you know, it's a big deal for us when we're kids, right? For sure. Yeah. She never told me that. But then life was just different because then I had, you know, you and I met, we were becoming close, and then we just had a really good group of friends moving forward. Like it changed everything, and that's when I really started to have fun, was in seventh and eighth grade. Yeah. Because I had friends that cared and like we talked, and you made me feel like I was your friend. I didn't have to be the one to always call.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

You could finally relax a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

And then after high school, she had her boyfriend, they had their daughter, but she dealt with so much stuff after high school when her boyfriend at the time had passed away. He had a drug overdose. And so sad. Your heart just breaks because I can't even imagine that was her love. Yeah. And that destroyed her. You know, I would run into her here and there, and it you could just see she was destroyed. Yeah. And then I think it was what, two, three years ago, maybe three years ago, she passed. She was in a car accident. Yeah. She passed away.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

That was awful though. Horrible crash. Terrible.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

Don't get in front of her. Don't speed. Don't do any of those things. Not good.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Yeah, I don't I don't know what the out the actual outcome was. I don't think she was actually under the influence of anything from that we hurt. It was just just one of those tragic accidents.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Horrible.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

So I went to her, I did go to her memorial or I guess funeral. And just like looking back at all her pictures and those letters I have, they're all like half of those letters are from like you know, sixth and seventh grade from us.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

At least. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

So it's yeah, they're just great memories.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

I was gonna say, girls. Even though they could be your best friend, sometimes they're not the nicest. We know.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

I know we're girls. We're not the nicest like species sometimes, especially with those hormones going. Seriously. So, anyways, I guess we're still going to church at this time and we go back to Beth Ariel because I they moved closer. I I remember it being so far, like I don't know what far it was when you're little.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

But we once we finished and left the Baptist school and went to our school, we went back to Beth Ariel. Did you ever go with me?

SPEAKER_02 15:58

I you know what, I remember the name. I remember doing stuff that I'm not a hundred percent sure if I ever w maybe once or twice. I see it in my head, but I don't I don't remember if it was exactly that case. I remember going to the uh going to church with you to the church where John Tesh used to play the keyboard for worship. Oh, that's the same place? That's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Oh, okay. John Tesh and Connie Shah.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Connie Sowita. Yeah. So I didn't know.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

There was a yeah. There was a girl, her name was Lena, she was so cute. She was just really, really cute. Bitty thing. She drove this white BMW, no not BMW, she drove a white Volkswagen bug. Okay. And we had become she was close with the family, I I think. Well, after the years beyond, you know, going back and now that everybody kind of knows what happened to me, I had a talk conversation with my stepmom and she talked, she brought up Lena. Lena, Lena, I don't remember. And she said, you know, there was one time where we were at the house and she asked me if you had ever been abused. Wow. Well, I remember we just randomly stopped going to church one day and never went back, right? So somebody had questioned. So yeah. So did somebody, did she like, oh, by the way, I wonder, you know, she asked me this. I don't know. Like again, as you're remembering all of these things, these are the small things that I like the aha moments and you're starting to understand things.

SPEAKER_02 17:30

Right? Like those are literally the people who changed your life and you didn't even know it.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Like the secret's the secret has to stay. So we're just gonna stop going. And that was the end of it. I don't think we ever really went to church again after that because there was no other church.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

I didn't realize that. That's crazy. So I've been trying to look to locate her. Like, I mean, her name isn't not super common, but I don't know her last name. I called the church like a couple months ago because she was in the choir. I do remember that. She had a really pretty voice. So I mean, they're all new people, they have no idea. And it's not the same, he's not a pastor. It's not the same rabbi.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

So I don't know. So if anybody out there remembers Bethariel. She was this cute lady. Actually, she was probably early 20s. You know, I don't know. That's probably why I was able to connect with her a little bit, just because she was a little closer to my age. Yeah, I would love to ask her what she saw in me that nobody else saw. Or maybe people saw and they just kept their mouth shut and didn't say anything because I never said anything.

SPEAKER_02 18:31

Well, I wonder if people who've gone through something similar can recognize it, can recognize the signs more than a person who hasn't.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

I don't know. I can't. I always look when I'm with people. Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 18:43

Oh, I feel like you're a good judge. I feel like you know exactly when you see people you know things for you. Like you specifically.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Maybe. I don't know. Maybe just I don't see it because I'm not looking at me.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Yeah. I'm looking out. I'd love that.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

But yeah, I think just that turning point with our friends, like friendships, it just having you and all of our other friends, even like Joe. I mean, it was just it kept me. We had we had really, really good times. Yeah. I mean, even when we had our little whatever we had, we'll get to that at some point because I have to sit down and find out what the heck happened. I don't even remember.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

I don't think I do either.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Yeah. You were just chose boys over me. That's all I remember.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

I don't I don't manage my time wisely when I was younger. I didn't know how to handle it. Maybe that's what it is.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

It was just Yeah, I had all the all of your guys' support without having you truly knowing what supporting. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

To still be friends with people that we were friends with so long ago. I mean, we're looking like 35 plus years ago that we're still friends with them and we still talk with some of them. Actually, quite a few of them is is pretty phenomenal that we have guy friends that are still there, you know, that we can like, I mean, reach out to and talk to like any given moment. Yeah. Even my letter friend. Even your letter friend. We need to have him on sometime.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

I'm never letting that down because I love that story still. So I told you, well, the you know, but the listeners don't. So the day that my podcast or my story came out, my brother called me.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

Ooh, this is the first one.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

And we were getting ready to go. Yeah, we were getting ready to leave the house. And so my phone rings. I look at it, and I just froze, I go, It's my brother. And Larry's like, answer it. I'm like, I was nervous. I was so afraid that he was gonna be angry with me. And I don't know why I thought that. I just I don't know. So normally you answer the phone like, yo, what's up? Like goofy. I was like, hello. And he's like, hey. And I'm just like, dear in the headlights. Yeah. It's like I listened to your podcast today. Uh-huh. Oh gosh. This is this is the turning point. And he says, I'm really proud of you. Huh. The tears in my eyes. I was like, what? I don't know why I'm surprised because I know that's how I know. Yeah. It's just, I think, all of the emotions coming and just different little things. And you don't realize the support that's there because I've kept it hidden. And he knows it all. Yeah. So yeah, he was like really, really, really supportive, saying, There's no reason to be scared, afraid, mad, get it all out. Tell, tell everybody.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

Tell your story. That's what this whole thing is about is to get it out and not hold back and to tell the truth.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Yeah. And I, you know, I want to ask questions like, what have you heard? What are people saying? But I he's just very much, I don't really want any part of being anywhere. Like, I live my life, I'm supporting you, and I need to reach out and to let you know I support you. Probably because he heard me say, like, nobody's calling, nobody's, you know, from family. And not to any fault of his. I'm sure life just you get busy. I get that. And if he's truly staying up. But he's not really, he's just kind of doing his own thing. Yet just wanting to make sure I know that I'm supported. But here's the funny thing. So he's like, Yeah, dad. Dad says uh he he says that you're stalking him. What? Yeah, what do you mean he thinks you're stalking him? You he thinks you're stalking him on Facebook. When did he say that? And he's like, just a couple days ago. You know, he blocked me from everything, even his telephone number.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

So how could he how could you be stalking him?

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Well, first off, let's say I was. How would he even know?

SPEAKER_02 22:33

If he blocked you.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

But is somebody posting something or sending him messages?

SPEAKER_02 22:39

I would love to know this. I would love to know you know what's going on in his brain. We can't figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Let's change the narrative, make me the villain, and him the oh my god, I'm just trying to live my life and she's ruining it. Sounds like that.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

Typical. Typical behavior of a narcissist and an abuser.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

I hope he has sleepless nights. What it well, he must because if he's worried I'm stalking him, or he's just saying that so he can change his narrative. Uh-huh. Boggles my mind. Like, I don't understand it. What? I want to like cut his brain open and look at it.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

For real. But you you know what? You know the truth. So you know the truth, and you're telling the truth, and nothing can change that story because that's your life. So he can try to rewrite it as much as possible, but I mean, he's he needs therapy. He needs help.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

And so before we had started the podcast and and really gotten diving into our stories and like really truly starting the healing process, I was still so, so angry. Like because I had put it all away. Like it just, you just don't, you ignore it. And so the small things would make me so angry, like it would I'd shake and you'd get the like the little knots in your neck because you're just so tense. Yeah. And I started feeling that as soon as my brother was like, he's, you know, came up, he just said dad. And I'm realizing, or I should say, I'm noticing that the anger is not as long, and it's less and less. Like I'm starting to go, wait a second. I can realize it and see it. Stop. There's no reason to be like, who cares? If he thinks I'm destroying his world, good. That's making me happy. I'm not doing anything but telling my story. Like, this is not a vindictive thing. This is just my story. Exactly. I'm learning to just take a breath and go, wait, I'm not mad. I'm really not mad. Like, so it's getting less. I'm still, I get that, like, oh, really quick. And then wait, no, I'm actually okay. I'm I'm I'm okay. The feeling ever like this.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

The healing process is so crazy to start to feel like you're back to normal and life is just great and wonderful. It's it's absolutely phenomenal. I'm so excited for you and all too what you're going through and dealing with and therapy.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

Yeah, if people don't know, I put myself back in therapy. So I was in therapy when I was 18, and then that was kind of like the last time I was ever in therapy again.

SPEAKER_02 25:03

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

And I put myself back in it, I don't know what, a month ago. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. I it was funny when I talked to her, I'm like, I don't know that I really need this because I feel comfortable. Like I'm not angry. I don't want to hit anything. Like, not that I ever did, but I don't want to pick up a bat and hit a pillow or whatever and yell. But I think it was more of I wanted to make sure that how I was feeling was normal and okay. Like it's okay to be mad because everybody's like, you have to forgive. You need to forgive him. Like, well, to a point, yeah. And I'm that's I struggle with.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

That's hard. And I need to know, like, I'm okay. That's not, I don't have to do what society's saying that I have to do type thing. And so when you think you don't need it, you're like, all right, no, I actually it's nice to talk about it and get it out. And so you exactly. I borrowed yours because she's faith-based and I really like her. So thank you.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

I have to tell you, I have to tell you that going to a faith-based therapist has been so amazing for me. And I feel like I know you're getting amazing stuff out of it too. And I'm I feel like we're both very blessed. And I do, I too feel the same way where it's like, oh, I'm good. I don't need her anymore. I think I'm great. And then I'm I I go, yep, I'm gonna be going to her for a while. But I feel like having her there is, I mean, she's helped me get through this, and I know she's helping you a lot just based on who she is and what she's been through herself and and the type of therapist she is, and bringing our life back to God and getting the forgiven or or offering the forgiveness that we need to up, you know, put up is pretty intense and hard to, you know, deal with and to stomach, but but we're getting there. I know I'm shocked at the progress you've made so fast and so far and the support you've gotten from people so you've told your story. I mean, it's insane now that it's out there.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

Yeah, so I was w I was worried, you know. I still have on my stepmom's side, there's family that I actually I love. You know, biologically they're not really like they're not biologically me me. Yeah, but they've been ants and in your life for so long. For my whole life, basically. So I was nervous because I, you know, I'm not trying to paint a bad picture. I'm just telling the truth. And I wasn't sure who would believe me or who wouldn't. And so I, you know, Larry and I were talking about it, and I I I'm like, do I call her? Do I tell her? Because I don't want to blindside her.

SPEAKER_02 27:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

So I did. I I reached out. I don't know why I was so nervous to tell her, but it was a good thing that I did. I think that nobody knew anything. And telling somebody who has no idea and their family members of people, they don't know what to do. I've been dealing with it my whole life. Right. And then you just throw this at them, and so they don't know how to process it. And I don't know how I feel bad, right? Because I don't want them to be super angry. But it's the truth. And I don't want to blindside you by this podcast being out and the gossip starting and well, why didn't you tell me type thing.

SPEAKER_02 28:05

Yeah. I think the best thing for all of those people is to just be there and to support you. I mean, they can deal with their own anger and forgiveness at some point themselves, but basically you're telling your story and you want family to support you and to be there for you and to help you get through it.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

Yeah. And I I check in with with the ones that I've told, just making sure they're okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

Because it is a lot to take in. It's what you thought of someone your whole life or however long you've known them is not what who they are.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

And then I had another aunt reach out to me yesterday, will say that she's younger than me, so you know who I'm talking about. And I was actually waiting for her to to chime in and talk and say something, and she finally did it. So it's about time lady, but thank you. I I appreciate that text yesterday. Yeah, I and I still don't know if my mom's heard it. I had called her the other day and she didn't mention it. You know, she's so boastful about, oh, my daughter's got a podcast, and I don't know that she's listened to it. Because what I needed her to do was listen to it and understand since me talking to her, she doesn't get it.

SPEAKER_02 29:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

But when you're you know, literally, we had a party, it was Easter. Everybody was over, so we did Passover here. You know, Larry and I went to church in the morning, did the whole Easter service, and then we had Passover here. And she told everybody, and I was like, Oh, she should be telling everybody until she listens to it. Because but she uh That was crazy to me. Maybe she did.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Maybe she's just gonna stay silent, even if she has listened. Maybe she's just not gonna say anything.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

And that's what I don't want her to do. I want her to realize.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

That's a typical response, which is unfortunate.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

That's frustrating. Very frustrating.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

But just to be the like the the podcast, my daughter, da-da-da-da-da-da. And then the support would be you listen to it and find out what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

And then come and talk to you and have a conversation.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

Yeah, the people who I thought would listen have aren't listening to it, which tweet his own, I guess. And I get it. I would get it if it was more that one of those things like Larry, not listening to my story. I get that. My kids not listening to it. That's that's a hard one.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

But on the other hand, the ones who haven't listened and you know who you are, that support is what I need. Like that's though those are the things that I I want from my friends who are my friends.

SPEAKER_02 30:25

That's the whole point of this podcast is to, you know, reach out, tell our stories, and then have people become our support system because they know our our truth now. And why I am who I am. I think they'll come around and they'll realize that you are today who you are and the way you are because of the things that shaped you when you were younger, unfortunately. And fortunately.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

I'm definitely not a girl that's like, let's yay, that's not me. Like that is not you. Yeah. I don't have time to make you like me. And if you don't like me, that's not my problem. I don't care. I'm pretty awesome. So I just I am never gonna change that. I don't have, I just yeah, I'm never gonna change that. If you don't like me, you don't like me. If you talk about me, or I'm supposed to call you because I have I'm supposed to explain myself of why I'm not doing certain things, I'm not gonna do that. That's just not me. And I I really need people to understand that because yeah, that that frustrates me. I'm not changing. That's I've survived for almost what 40 something years of all of the shit that I've dealt with. I'm not gonna but I'm a I have a very hard heart. It's very hard to get into this thing.

SPEAKER_02 31:45

But it's but it's soft when you get in. We love you. The right people. And you know what? Those those people will come around. They will listen. They will. And and then they will be there to support you even more so than they have already. They will. They will. They'll come around.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

I'm back on that whole family therapy thing.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

The anger doesn't stick around like it used to.

SPEAKER_02 32:13

You did talk about your anger, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

You know, I'm not perfect. I mean, I'm pretty freaking fantastic, but I don't have to be perfect. I have two amazing kids. I have a home that's a safe place for them and their friends. You know, I've always wanted to be that house, and now that we have that house, it was full.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

It is. It's so exciting.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

You know, I have people come over when they have hard times at home. My kids come to me. So-and-so needs a place to stay. Yeah, whatever, bring them over. That's my house. That's what it's meant for.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

You're that house now.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Yes, I've always wanted to be that house. Like, that's I wanted I never had that growing up. I mean, I had my bedroom and everybody was in my room, but I never had, or you go and hang out with mom and dad. Like, we didn't. This house is full, and then we sit around the kitchen, and I got the friends, the girlfriends, and they're the girlfriend's friends coming over.

SPEAKER_02 33:01

And it's a safe safe space for anyone.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Very I have a husband who's incredible. You know, we've he loves me and supports me in ways that I've never even thought was possible.

SPEAKER_02 33:15

Yep. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

But I will tell you.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

But you two are so strong anyways, though. And I just love the fact that he loves you so much, and church everything is so amazing for you two.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Our faith is way strong enough. Absolutely. And it definitely helps. But yeah, I can finally breathe. I can relax. I'm happy, like genuinely happy, not just putting on a stupid fake smile. Like, uh-huh, I'm good. I'm happy. I don't I like to come home and relax and be with my family.

SPEAKER_02 33:48

Yep. And for anyone listening who survives something similar, we see you. For supporters, keep holding space.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

If any of this resonated, share it with someone you trust or send us a message. We read them. And we would really like to be able to answer some of your questions when it comes to the hardships of abuse, of marriage, of divorce. We've all been through it. Well, I shouldn't say all the two of us have been through it.

SPEAKER_02 34:11

Just us. I'm so excited. And we have the question and answer episode coming up soon, and some special guests coming up soon. We've got a lot coming in, a lot going on.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

We do. So for our listeners, we thank you. Thanks for listening to my story on the bestie blend.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Big hugs, bestie. Take care of yourself and each other, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, it's not just the girls. Which I love. Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

Make sure that you follow us on the bestie blend on all social media platforms. And we will see you next time. Bye, Bestie.