Where Is God When It Hurts? Thomas Aquinas, Suffering, and the Unchanging God of Love

Now come here, friend—let Grandma ask you something: where is God when it hurts? In this episode of Grandma Went to Seminary, we sit with grief, illness, heartbreak, and loneliness—and we refuse the quick, tidy answers that sound spiritual but don’t hold up in the hospital room. With Hebrews 4:15 as our starting point, Grandma pulls up Thomas Aquinas and asks what it really means to say God is unchanging love… and still not distant from our pain. We’ll talk about why Aquinas pushes back on the idea of a “suffering God,” how the cross puts God’s nearness on full display in Jesus Christ, and how Christ so identifies with the suffering that He can say, “I was hungry… I was sick… I was in prison.” So if you know what’s good for you—and if you want a slice of Grandma’s famous apple pie—pull up a chair and let’s talk about my Jesus.

Transcript

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Hello friends, welcome to Grandma Went to Seminary. Here, theology meets real life, wisdom meets humor, experience meets fresh revelation, and nothing, absolutely nothing, is too deep, too nerdy, or too don't talk about that in West Texas for this show. And trust me, grandma has heard that one before. Well each episode dives into the Bible with honesty, clarity, and a little sass. We are talking doctrine, discipleship, church life, biblical history, the hard questions, and the beautiful mysteries, always in a way that's understandable, relatable, and spirit-led. Because theology isn't scary. It's not reserved for pastors, scholars, or people with letters behind their names. It's simply the study of God and knowing that God changes everything. So pull up a chair, bring your Bible, and join this grandma who loves Jesus, loves deep thinking, and loves proving that you are never too old, too female, or too unexpected, or too different to chase after the truth. And speaking of the truth, open your Bible to Hebrews 4 verse 15. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let's talk about the question that we all ask. Some of you are listening today in pain, physical pain, grief, loneliness, and the kind of suffering that just does not resolve neatly by Sunday morning. And maybe if you're honest, you have whispered it too. Where is God now? Well that question is not new. It was asked in Scripture. It was asked at the cross. It was asked in places of unimaginable horror. And it's asked in hospital rooms and kitchen tables every day. Theology does us no favors if it tries to answer that question too quickly. So let's start with Aqueanus and the problem with the suffering God. A common modern answer is this God suffers with us. But many find comfort in the idea of a God who feels pain as we do, who is emotionally wounded by the suffering of the world. But Thomas Aqueanus presses us to think more carefully. If God suffers as God, if God is diminished, wounded, or changed by suffering, then God lacks perfection. And a God who lacks perfection cannot love completely or save fully. Now this is what grandma says. I don't know about you, but when things fall apart, I do not want a God who also needs help. Aquinas insists on holding together two truths that feel almost impossible to say in the same sentence. God does not suffer as God, and yet God is closer to human suffering than anyone else. So let's talk about the cross as the sinner. So where does Aquinas take us? Straight to Jesus. Jesus Christ is not merely God's representative, he is God incarnate. And when Jesus suffers, God is not standing at a safe distance, observing or sympathizing from afar. God is present in human flesh, bearing suffering fully and completely. Aquinas dares to say the impassable God suffers and dies. Not because God became weak, but because God became human. There is no suffering closer to God than the suffering of Jesus of Nazareth. So God's identification with our suffering is real. But let's talk about our suffering. Jesus does not speak of the pain of the hungry, the sick, or the imprisoned as something he merely observes. He says, I was hungry, I was thirsty, I was sick, and I was in prison. Not you were, I was. And this is not metaphor alone. It is identification. Christ binds himself so fully to the suffering that he claims it as his own. Now, this is what grandma says. That's not hallmark theology. That is covenant love. Let's talk about love as friendship. Aquinas explains this through his understanding of friendship love, a love so deep that the beloved is regarded as another self. I know that's a little confusing, but stay with me. In such love, suffering is not merely felt alongside another, but experienced in them, like a parent with a suffering child. There is no detached awareness of sympathy, only an aching unity. And this Aquinas says helps us understand divine compassion. God does not suffer out of weakness or need. God identifies with our suffering because of love, because we belong to Him. Now, this is why it matters for the church. This just really has consequences for how we live and how we minister. If Christ identifies himself with the suffering, then the church's task is not first to bring Christ in those places, it is to recognize him as already there. Christ is in suffering. Christ is in listening. Christ is in presence, in faithful, compassionate action. And sometimes the most theological response is simply to stay, to listen, and to love without explanation. So here's my closing word. I start with the question where is God when it hurts? Not distant, not indifferent, and God is not fragile. God is the unchanging God of love who steps into history, took on flesh, entered suffering, and bound himself forever to his people. And if Jesus still bears scars, perhaps our suffering is not wasted either. So join grandma in this closing prayer. Heavenly Father, faithful God, you are the unchanging God of love, and yet in Jesus Christ you drew near to our pain. For those listening today who are weary, grieving, or quietly asking, Where are you, God? Oh Heavenly Father, make your presence known. Remind us that you are not distant or indifferent, but fully present, bound to us by love. Teach us to see Christ in the suffering around us, to walk with one another faithfully, and to trust your goodness even when the way is hard. We pray in the name of Jesus, who suffered, who loves, and who reigns. Amen. Shalom.