Faith After Loss Finding Strength in Something Greater Than Your Pain

Episode 6: Faith After Loss: Finding Strength in Something Greater Than Your Pain

Grief has a way of shaking not only our hearts, but our beliefs.

In this episode of Hope After Loss, Marilyn Burns, M.S., L.P.C.C., explores what happens when loss leaves us questioning faith, meaning, and the very things that once grounded us.

Whether your comfort comes through God, prayer, spiritual connection, nature, the universe, or simply the hope that something greater exists beyond your pain, this conversation offers gentle encouragement for the grieving heart.

If you’ve ever asked:
 Why did this happen?
Where was God?
How do I keep going when life no longer makes sense?

This episode is for you.

Healing does not require perfect faith—only a willingness to remain open to comfort, meaning, and light.

💛 Questions around faith inspired Marilyn’s children’s book, Where Are You, God?

Thank you for listening to Hope After Loss: Conversations on Grief.

If this episode spoke to you, please consider sharing it with someone who may need support. 

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. 

If you have a question or a topic that you would like me to gently explore,
 you’re welcome to email me at [your email].

While I’m not able to provide individual counseling through email,
 I would be honored to hold your question and possibly share it in a future episode
 so others may feel less alone.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Well, welcome back to Hope After Loss Conversations on Grief. You made it. Thanks for spending a little bit of time together. Today I want to talk about something many people really don't understand. The grief often begins long before a loss actually happens. And what I mean by that is this. When my son was struggling with addiction, and let me just tell you a little bit about Chris. He was an excellent, easy boy to raise, but he was injured in a football accident and had to have some surgery and was prescribed painkillers and then went off to college as a freshman. And the rest is history. And when you were around him, you felt like he was listening to you and really was interested in what you were saying. But I remember that very first break from college when he came home, and I saw a boy that wasn't smiling much. He had his baseball cap down low, kind of covering his eyes, and I thought, huh, what's up with this? And at that moment, something shifted inside of me. And I realized that we might have been facing something that was going to be very dangerous to all of us. And later to find his drug addiction. Many parents live with this quiet fear that they could get that call at any time. And if you've struggled with a history of drug addiction in your family or with friends or coworkers, it's one thing. But when it's a child or someone that is very, very deeply connected, you have that sort of fear that just remains inside as a parent. And this fear kind of leads you to many conclusions that you might lose your child. And when that phone rings in the middle of the night or late at night, once you've actually fallen asleep, your central nervous system is going to light up as though it's that call. That call, that sensation that goes on in our system, our gut, heart racing, our head pounding. That's a rehearsal of what's to come. And that kind of grief begins long before their death. Remember one day I was walking into the garage. I got home from work early. I was at my business, and for whatever reason, one of my clients canceled. So I got home early that day. My son was sitting in the garage as he did often. And he was one of those kids that, even though he didn't grow up with a lot of Italian influence around him, he seemed to pick up naturally with that. So my two boys would just sit in the garage on these wooden chairs and bring their pop out there and smoke a cigarette and have conversations all through the wee hours of the morning. So that day when I pulled up, it was just another day of seeing Chris sitting in the garage with one of his friends, drinking something and smoking their cigarettes. And that was the first time ever that I saw the track marks on his arm. And I went into shock. I just stared at his arm. And he knew I was looking at him, and so did his friend. And so they both just dropped their heads. But I went into the house and I was shaking like a leaf. And I wondered, like, how did I get through that moment? This was after I looked back on it, and I realized that what carried me through that moment and the fear of walking this walk into a future that looked very dark, dark, dark at this point was my belief system. And I still believe that I will always have what I need when I need it. Now we often don't realize that we are already grieving while our loved one is still alive. And that's the interesting thing about it, is that the grief is something that we are already used to. We are already living with it. It's already done its damage and also created the strength and the perseverance that we have to keep on walking with it long before there is a death to deal with. But when it's a fear, it is something that walks around consuming us, okay, all day long. We don't get a break from it. And because our system creates even more things to be afraid of, and more things that we are totally uncertain of and unprepared for. It just gets to higher levels of unmanageable anxiety, which we know affects us on all levels. It's just going to affect your digestion, concentration, elimination, your sleep, the ability to have fun, stay focused. It just goes on and on. And there's no way to get relief because at this point it's a fear, it's a thought, it isn't real, but yet pieces of our life when we begin to accept that our child or our loved one is addicted is very real. But we're still living with them, and that does make a difference. So if you are walking this path, I want you to know something very important. As much as you will be totally consumed on trying to take care of this loved one that's suffering from an addiction, they aren't the only sick one in the room. You are getting sicker by the moment, and that's something that you have to accept because it kind of comes back and kicks you in the butt at some point. The bottom line is we have to take care of ourselves. When our loved ones look at us suffering the way we will suffer, with no sleep, with no hopes for a bright future, with total helplessness in how we can save someone that's going down the drain without knowing how to do it. Because the bottom line is you can't. And to try to accept the reality that you cannot change what is going to happen next to someone that you love so deeply, it's a very dark place to live in. Because if you look at them, they can't even carry their own. And he said, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm putting you through this. He says, I hate myself. He says, I just hate myself for this. So maybe he can do a little more with the little bit that he has to work with. And you know, the most important thing to remember is you're much stronger than you feel in any given moment when you're nose to nose with this. And how do you know that? Because look back on all of those sort of windows where you were drowning in something. Most of it was fear, most of it was, you know, anger, sadness, regret, remorse, there's just so much, so much to be said about this. But just remember that you got through all of those, and you will get through this as well, because one thing that all of this pain does for all of us, all of us included, is that it does help to prepare us by giving us in every moment that we're suffering more stamina and more perseverance and more dedication, courage, and strength to face this thing that my son called the devil. So in our conversations, we will continue to explore what it means to live with grief, and we will find our way back. Okay, and I promise you that, and you are not alone, none of us are.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

And this is hope after loss. Thank you for listening to me today.