Sperm Sisters's Podcast

Ep 13 Passata, Passata!

• Sperm Sisters • Season 1 • Episode 18

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0:00 | 32:48

"Unofficial sperm donor sells BBC 'baby batter' delivered with tomato passata."

Yes, you read that right.

Inspired by a recent BBC Wales article, this week on the Sperm Sisters podcast we dive into the alarming rise of "DIY" fertility options and the hidden risks that come with them. For many people, soaring fertility treatment costs have made unofficial sperm donation seem like a more affordable route to parenthood. But that lower price tag can come with serious consequences: unregulated donors, no medical screening or background checks, legal uncertainty, and in some cases, donors later seeking parental rights.

But before all that… would you trust a carton of tomato passata as a way of keeping sperm frozen in the post? We certainly wouldn't. 


Read Gemma Dunstan's article here: "Unofficial sperm donor sells BBC 'baby batter' delivered with tomato passata." 

Make sure you also watch: "Swipe Right for Sperm" on BBC iPlayer 

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SPEAKER_04

Doobida

Intro

SPEAKER_04

Spisters.

SPEAKER_03

This is a story about sisters. Just not the kind that you're expecting.

SPEAKER_00

Three years ago, we were strangers, living separate lives.

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Now we know we're biological sisters, connected by the same sperm donor. And that's just the beginning.

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This podcast dives headfirst into the how, the why, and the uncomfortable questions no one seems to want to answer.

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Uncovering secrets the medical world would rather keep buried.

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How many donor-conceived people are there really? No one can give a straight answer. Not the clinics, not the system, no one.

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So, how many siblings could be walking past us every day without a clue? It's messy, it's shocking. At times it's almost impossible to believe. And somehow, it's also really funny.

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Come with us as we dig deeper, ask the uncomfortable questions and laugh our way through the chaos of discovering who we really are. And just how many of us there might be.

SPEAKER_02

Coming up on this week's episode of Sperm Sisters. Nat's away this week, so it's just Gemma and Helen in the hot seats. Today we're deep diving into an article that seems to have done the rounds, so let's unpack it together.

SPEAKER_03

We're focusing only on the title of the article alone. Unofficial Sperm Donor sells BBC baby batter, delivered with tomato pasada.

SPEAKER_02

Oh delicious! And we uncover some pretty weird names for ourselves. You might be thinking of other slang terms, often referred to humorously as crotch fruit. No time to waste, let's get started. Welcome back to Sperm Sisters, everybody. I haven't checked to see if my little sister co-host is ready or not, but I'm sure she is. And if you've been watching from the beginning, I'm sure you've noticed that Helen's bump has progressively getting bigger. This might be the last time, Helen, that you're recording a podcast whilst pregnant before your little one arrives.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, I think it is the last time, because just before we hit record, I really thought that my waters were about to break.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

We're two days away from the due date.

SPEAKER_02

You might be the first person to go into labor

Helen Goes Into Labour

SPEAKER_02

whilst recording a podcast.

SPEAKER_03

I think we need to try and address the fact that there's only two of us doing this at the moment.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, because there are now only two sperm sisters. Nat's DNA test results were wrong.

SPEAKER_03

There was a mistake and she's left.

unknown

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02

She's been voted out. No. So we never intended to record this episode. It wasn't on our radar. It's this is coming to fruition in the last couple of hours, to be honest. And unfortunately, Nat isn't available to record with us today, but she's here in spirit. Uh there are going to be plenty of episodes where one of us can't make it for whatever reason. This happens to be the first time that a sperm sister isn't visible on screen.

SPEAKER_03

But it is an emergency recording because, as I'm sure, well, as we know, so many of you have emailed in letting us know about the recent BBC News article that was published. Um, and it's something that we are so aware that we need to do a current episode on, and we have to address it because it has just taken the internet by storm.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. The name of the article is Unofficial Sperm Donor Sells BBC Baby Batter delivered with tomato pisata. If you didn't catch this article that came out, it was written by the brilliant Gemma Dunstan. We need to ease ourselves into the absolute fuckwittery of what this was all about.

SPEAKER_03

So, the brilliant Gemma Dunstan conducted an investigation into the growing black market for sperm donation online.

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The investigation found that women and families in the UK and around the world feel the need to seek sperm via social media due to the rising fertility costs and limited access to NHS funded treatment. Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, all of the above, pick a social media

Pick Your Social Media for Sperm

SPEAKER_02

app, it's probably on there. All of them have groups and there are even dedicated websites where people can source an unregistered sperm donor. That means that these so-called sperm donors are operating without medical screening or legal safeguarding. Some donors are charging money and pressuring women into having sex rather than using artificial insemination, which is how Aslot were created in a fertility clinic back in the 80s. The investigation also uncovered how horrific the dangers are of using illegal sperm donation. For example, after some digging, one bloke offering his sperm was a sex offender. This is happening right now, today, down the road from you. It's happening on our doorsteps and our little wholesome parishes. And we are incredibly thankful to Gemma Dunstan for bringing it to the public's attention.

SPEAKER_03

So let's take a little bit of a breather, shall we, today? Because obviously this article is so heavy. We're focusing only on the title of the article alone. Unofficial sperm donor sells BBC baby batter delivered with tomato posada.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, delicious! That baby's gonna have a tangy zestiness to them. A zest for life, if you will.

SPEAKER_03

Well, but but actually, in in that sense, again, not to be bleak, not so much of a zest for life.

SPEAKER_02

Not in this case, no, because uh Chemin Dunstan, as part of the investigation, um, the the BBC allowed her to pay £100 for a sperm sample that arrived by post in said frozen tomato posata sauce packaging. And when it was tested by a licensed clinic, all of the sperm cells were found to be dead. Like it was completely useless. So, do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna I'm gonna add in a clip of Gemma. It sounds like I'm talking about myself. No, I'm talking about journalism, Gemma. Discovering that she uh has bought

The BBC Article

SPEAKER_02

sperm. By the way, she wasn't intending to use it, it's purely for investigation journalism. So here's our package.

SPEAKER_01

So we do have what appears to be what's that? Tomato. Oh, it's cold. Yes, it's very cold. Tomato pasata. Okay, so you don't use tomato in the clinic, so definitely not anything over um sort of uh 1.4 mil is normal. Um so this here is 11.3 and we'll do a count on this sample. Million dollar question now. Um I cannot see anything moving, so there is no live sperm.

SPEAKER_02

But this this bloke that she bought the sperm off from used the tomato sauce packaging, like the posata carton and froze it as like a way of like like a frozen block of ice to help keep the sperm cold or frozen whilst in transit to her. Is that right? Well, it wasn't in the tomato posada. No, no, no, no. The posata was keeping it cool, man.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, he was using the posada as an ice block, if you will. Do you know what I always think? Well, not always, because obviously I've only come across this once. Do you know what I always think about? Right, you received that in the post with the intention of using it. Yeah. What what do you what are you

Would You Use the Passata?

SPEAKER_03

then doing?

SPEAKER_02

Uh imagine if you had like spag bowl on the list of dinners you were gonna make that week. And if you like this box of bizarres, which you go, I suppose it's perfectly decent.

SPEAKER_03

But that's what I mean, because like if it's been frozen, you could still use it. But you probably shouldn't uh put it in frozen. You should probably let it thaw to room temperature before you're putting it in, no?

SPEAKER_02

Are you talking about the sperm or the passata? I mean either or.

SPEAKER_03

What's your motive? Pick a lane. I just feel like it's so bizarre because also you uh just watching that on the documentary and in the news article, seeing What's the documentary called again? Swipe right for sperm? Yeah, you can find it on BBC I player. And I think we'll we'll put a link to it in the show notes because it is fascinating. Like at the end of the documentary, she um uncovers texts from a prolific donor who basically ends I don't know, spoiler alert if anyone wants to watch it, but ends up admitting to somebody that he really wants to have a cult of all the children that he's created. Yeah, it's mental. He wants to have a cult of the children that he's created. He also wants to fly top quality women out to have sex with them in person because they're so desperate to have children, but he would only fly out the top quality people because he wants to create a ranch. I haven't put that particularly succinctly, but but this is the thing, because it's such a grey area, it's like, are they doing something illegal? I mean, profiting from the sale of sperm is illegal. In the UK it is, isn't it? Yeah. In the UK, yeah. And Right. Guess where it's from?

SPEAKER_02

Ten points for Gryffindor if you get it right. America.

America!

SPEAKER_02

Inspired by the title, this episode of Sperm Sisters, which I think we should call Pasada Passada.

SPEAKER_03

I love that pasada pasada. Hakuna matada. Of your pasada.

SPEAKER_02

We have each had a look online to see what other bizarre situations people have put themselves through in order to get their hands on this illegal online sperm. Real lived experiences, documented online, they're out there in the general public for you to read. Uh, so anything that we're saying isn't privately confidential, it's out on the web. Because some of these stories that we're gonna tell you, you're gonna think, why the fuck would they tell anybody that? We've heard our Persada Pasada story. Other people go about it in different ways and how they purchase sperm, get in touch with illegal donors on websites or social media. Here is an example, and the title is The Workplace Parking Garage Insemination. Oh this is as heinous as you think it's gonna be. The person that this happened to writing this post on Reddit, Tasha's deck,

Car Park Semination

SPEAKER_02

the things I do to try and conceive, dot dot dot, I'm laying in the back of my car in my donors works parking garage, having just self-inseminated. What am I like? Oh no. Oh no. That's not true. But when we think about the danger that that woman's put herself through. Sorry, she just sat in his car. There's a she's put a photo up of her car. I'll put I'll put the picture up here. That's her with her legs in the air for 15 minutes after she's inseminated the sperm donation. So the Reddit user described driving to her donor's workplace, handing him a bag containing a sterile collection cup and sperm-safe lubricant, waiting while he produced a sample during his lunch break, and then she self-inseminated in the back of the car because of the critical timing. Obviously, how long sperm lasts out in the open, not frozen, all that, whatever. And she has put a photo of herself and her legs up in the air. She's in she's in the boot of her car, and this is after some guys got his p out in a park in a multi-story car park, and she's there, like, okay, give me a sperm. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03

Persana pasada pasada. I'm not being funny. The child, if that's if there is one that's been created from that, can you can you I hate to drag Mandy into this, but can you imagine us looking back at something and being like, well, how were we created then, mum? And obviously our experience is finding out that we're donor can see. If mum then pulled up a picture and was like, lol.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, I'm going to read you some of the comments underneath

The Comments, Yikes

SPEAKER_02

this post. Okay. One comment was, okay, I'm gonna ask, did you drive to his work, wait for him to provide a sample of knuckle children while on his lunch break, and then walk out to your car?

SPEAKER_03

Knuckle children, that's unforgivable. That's unforgivable.

SPEAKER_02

So then the girl writes, Pachiko, almost lol. I drove to his work, handed him a bag with a sterile cup and sperm safe lube, then I waited for him to come back. Please note this method was only used because of busy schedules. Preferred method is doing this in one of our homes. That's not any safer. The person who wrote the first comment replies to this and then says, This sounds like an episode of Modern Family. And then the girl who wrote the post replies, Never watched it, but from what I hear, that does make sense. If I get pregnant this round, it's absolutely the conception story I'll be telling. Yeah, as as you say, this child's gonna go like, Oh, so when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much, like, how did I come about? Oh, I yeah, your dad got his dick out in a car park. The problem is though, I can't Oh, and I shared the entire story online. With a picture of me with my legs in the air. Mega Lulz XOXO. I just think it's just so irresponsible to make light of the scenario because it it inspires other people to do the same thing, vulnerable people who aren't in potentially the right frame of mind to be thinking about their own safety in these moments, and putting yourself in harm's way. She didn't know. She didn't know what she was walking into in that scenario. And to think that she's finding it funny, I hope she's saved a lot of money from not going to a fertility clinic to pay towards this child's therapy.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I mean that's a pretty strong take. But I I agree with everything you've said. Good. And and for and for her to then be like, what am I like?

SPEAKER_02

is really f and I think the only way that these situations can be stopped is if fertility costs are lowered. Yeah. They're more amenable. What's the word I'm trying to say? They're more they're more affordable. Um because the fact that people feel the need to go into the dark webs- Do you know what? It's not even dark web, it's Facebook. Yeah, none of it's in danger. And that's the thing. When you look at these comments and things online, someone will post something and it's gonna have like a hundred, two hundred likes and comments from people who have gone through exactly the same scenario.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

How many people around the world are doing this right now? How many people have done that today?

SPEAKER_03

I just find that one baffling. That one's horrid, and I don't want to say thank you for sharing it. No, I'm trying to keep my dinner down. Um thank you for sharing that. Here's a question for you. Oh yeah.

Here's a Question

SPEAKER_03

If you were going to use one of these online sperm donors, how would you want your donation to be received in the post, do you?

SPEAKER_02

Shaken and not stared.

SPEAKER_03

You wouldn't want it shaken, surely. I don't know. Gets a bit of a froth on it. Good God, you can't say that. Not all these knuckle children over here. I think we might be, yeah, because it's does that just mean that you're product of like a wank, basically?

SPEAKER_02

Right, I can't believe I'm gonna type this in. What is a knuckle child? The phrase knuckle children is a vulgar and jocular slang term referring to semen or ejaculate that results from masturbation.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, so it's only about No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00

So you just read something awful.

SPEAKER_02

If you were looking for information on literal children, you might be thinking of other slang terms for children often referred to humorously as crotch fruit.

SPEAKER_03

Or crib lizards. Crib lizard crotch fruit is so rank to me. Sorry, Gemma. If someone was gonna insult you and call you either a knuckle child, a crib lizard, or a crotch fruit, what's worse?

SPEAKER_02

I wouldn't want to be crotch fruit. No. I'd take um bridge to that. Knuckle child like okay.

SPEAKER_03

Crib lizard sounds fun. Knuckle child just makes it sound like we're thick. Well, we've have been called

Knuckle Children

SPEAKER_03

that.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe that's part of the default for being crotch fruit.

SPEAKER_03

I was coming across one that was actually like relatively wholesome, what people were saying. Not uh uh like people trying to understand why someone would be faced with that scenario. I was like, oh, there's some hope here. No, suddenly someone said suddenly this guy said, I've been wanting to be a sperm donor for a while now. I'm getting older and would like to leave my seed on this earth to carry on. I'm in my fifties. Just anyone who's like, I want to leave my seed. Creepy, no? Like a god complex. It's not to it's not to help anybody, it's to leave his seed. Seed.

SPEAKER_02

They've got they've got a mighty opinion of themselves that they think that the earth would want their seed left. Grace. That's disgusting. I came across another one. Oh god Oh god. The hotel room handoff. And from all of my research that I've done, it seems that this is the most common way that people procure the goods. So if um you do buy online sperm, a lot of people are preferring to self inseminate. Right, so this person has. Said they they described the moment that they met the donor in a hotel and the donor went upstairs alone to produce a sample in privacy

Hotel Hook-up

SPEAKER_02

and then notified the couple, the same-sex couple, when it was ready, and they left it for them to collect before they carried out the self-insemination themselves as a couple. They go on to describe their own personal story into this, and it says the insemination process was super easy. We had him deposit directly into a soft cup, which is a period cup, and had a mason jar to place it on so nothing spilled out. He then let us know when he was done, and we went back up to the hotel room. My wife then inserted the soft cup into me and I kept my legs up for an hour and had an orgasm at the beginning and end of the hour. Next time I'm just gonna do 30 minutes because an hour was a bit too long.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know I just don't know what to say.

SPEAKER_02

It's really hard when all they want to do is just have a family. As a parent myself, I have complete sympathy with people who desperately want a child. My beef is with how they're doing it, because it's not safe. It's not safe, and it's not how a child would want to find out that they were created. It's just a really sad state of affairs that the world has got itself into. The fact that so much work has gone into the rules and regulations over the last 20 years, like since we were born, because there weren't any rules then when we were born, but since then, every five, six years or so, the rules have been updated, they've improved, donor anonymity is slowly being petered out, which is fantastic around the world. But unfortunately, because of the rising cost of fertility treatment, we're in parallel seeing a rise in illegal sperm donation, and a rise in these scenarios where people are going to hotel rooms with some random bloke spaffing himself up in her period cup in the bathroom, and she has shelves it up herself, and somehow, somehow they have to make a romantic moment out of that by pleasuring each other whilst she's trying to get pregnant.

SPEAKER_03

I found something really interesting on one of these sites, as to it's it's the point of view from a historical donor, someone who was going through official routes and why they would now never do that again. Okay. Yeah, which I've not really come across before. So I'm gonna read it out properly. So Well done. Here we go. Settle down. I've not seen these groups, as in the Facebook sperm groups. Getting on the list via NHS for a sperm donor is near impossible. Going to a private clinic can cost £8,000

Sperm Donor Says No Thanks

SPEAKER_03

per birth if it happens. I was a legitimate donor via a private clinic. I did it because friends, family, colleagues, they couldn't have children. I just glanced at my wife and she was pregnant. I've had the snip since. Being a legitimate donor is a huge pain. I took around eight days unpaid from work to go to the clinic, so sixteen trips, which included lots of blood tests, and I barely got back the fuel cost. It was an hour each way plus parking, and I had to fight for my fuel. Needed to buy an expensive sat nav was pre-smartphone, as it was a tricky place to find. I have twenty one known children, including those with my wife. Would I do it again? Probably not. It was a considerable commitment and very irritating. The clinic was a pain and quite unhelpful. This changed on the last donation where children had been born already. The lead clinician said my sperm count was off the scale, and that I'd made a difference to ten families, and that the general message was that they were grateful for my commitment. Most of their previous donors were low quality or bailed, costing them money. They had so much left over after contacting all ten families and seeing if they wanted any more, that the remains of my donation were given to research with my consent. These children will have my name and address quite shortly, as they will become eighteen. I am not legally responsible for them. I'm happy to welcome them into my family if they wish. And then it says TDLR, which I don't know. TLDR. Which I don't know what that means.

SPEAKER_02

But tender loving dick rubbing.

SPEAKER_03

I did fire a government scheme. Sorry, had the snip. Can't help. If you're cute, I'll give it a go. In and out in ten seconds. He didn't say that at the end. No, I think maybe I've accidentally got someone else's comment underneath that, because that's such a shift in tone. Sorry. I don't think that was this bloke. I think I've accidentally copied someone else.

SPEAKER_02

Fucking hell. Derek took a turn,

TDLR

SPEAKER_02

didn't he? I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting that.

SPEAKER_03

But if she's cute. But actually, you might not be wrong with tender loving dick rub.

SPEAKER_02

We have one final story that I think we should conclude on. And we are going back to our original point of let's all just take a moment to consider the elf and safety of the situation. Like, why are people putting themselves in these horrifically dangerous situations with predatory monkey wankers? So whilst I was going down this rabbit hole of stories, I came across this one that was posted a couple of weeks ago. And the title of it is A Donor I Trusted Was Arrested for Assault, and it's made me reconsider a lot. And this is a real fucking story, right? And this is these are her words, her lived experience within the last month of dealing with someone who she thought would have been a great sperm donor, who she met online and it's turned sour. Right. Until today, I was 100% set on finding a known donor through a Facebook

A Sad Reality

SPEAKER_02

group. I recently found out that a donor I'd been in contact with for some time was arrested on assault and domestic violence charges. This was someone I considered a friend, more so than just a donor, who had had long conversations and video calls. I felt like I knew their character and they had a strong reputation in the community. Not sure what that means, but maybe a stand-up citizen. I don't know. Honestly, seeing his ad on I'm not even going to give the name of the website because I'm not going to give them free promotion, made me realize that finding a known donor was truly something I wanted for my family. Seeing those charges, however, come up on Google search was a gut punch, and it made me think hard about the limits of personal vetting. The truth is, no matter how well you think you know someone online, you're only seeing what they choose to show you. I noticed that the online donors who advertise themselves the hardest act like used car salesmen. Great if you don't look closer.

unknown

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

What a way to describe them. I'll be honest, I've always been a little skeptical of sperm banks due to the costs and lack of connection. But the more I've sat with this, the more I appreciate what reputable banks actually do. Identity verification, genetic testing, criminal background checks, psychological screening, ongoing medical follow-ups, the list goes on. That's a level of institutional vetting that I, as an individual, genuinely cannot replicate on my own. Stay safe out there, do your research, and maybe take another look at your options. I s I'm so sad for her.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I'm sad for her too.

SPEAKER_02

But also, I don't know her, but I'm incredibly proud that she's taken a stance of whoa, what that was that was a near miss.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, because

That Was a Near Miss

SPEAKER_03

obviously, I know we've touched on this already, but like people are vulnerable. The uh ultimately, whether whether it's for the correct intentions or not, these people are just desperate to have children. So we're going to any lengths in order to do it. Um so I think it it probably takes real courage and real character to sit back and go, this is not the this is not the way forward for anybody.

SPEAKER_02

And I think probably the closing statement should be like maybe from this moment forward, we get the ball rolling on a campaign to try and work out the cost of these fertility clinics. I've no idea how much they're charging these people. Maybe we should do an episode on that to try and work it out. But something's gotta change. Something has to change, and I'm really pleased that Gemma's Dunstan's written that article and it's exploded. Like it's taken off. And as a closing statement, please watch Swipe Right for Sperm on BBC I Player. It's brilliant. And have a look at the article. Gemma's got loads more stuff coming out about this. Stay tuned because you might be seeing us on the BBC shortly. Ooh. No way! Done, hence the emergency broadcast. Thank you very much for listening, everybody. If you have a story that you would like covered on the podcast, if you would even like to be interviewed, we are open to that. We've got a cracking lineup, we've got some amazing people coming up, truly fascinating from all different perspectives of this absolutely insane situation of Wild West sperm donation. So thank you very much for listening, and we'll see you next week. Goodbye. Passada, pasada.