004. How Discipline Leads to Freedom

Back when my little babies were small, I was a size 18. I didn't take care of myself because there were no checkoff sheets—and even if there were, I would have been last on that list.

I didn't even have that.

So taking care of myself became a form of discipline—to give me the freedom to live.

This episode is about how discipline isn't restriction. It's freedom. It's about boundaries, learning to say no, the Big Rock Theory, and understanding the difference between rubber balls and glass balls. It's about creating systems that give you peace—not more pressure.

In this episode:

• Why self-care isn't selfish—it's discipline that gives you freedom
• The checkoff sheet I didn't have when my babies were small, and why I had to create one
• The Big Rock Theory: how to prioritize what actually matters instead of filling your life with pebbles
• Why saying no is powerful—and how little girls are raised to say yes and take care of everyone but themselves
• Boundaries and phone habits: how to protect your time and energy
• Rubber balls vs. glass balls: knowing what you can drop and what will shatter
• Why discipline creates the space for the life you actually want to live

Chapters:

0:54 – Why Discipline Matters
3:07 – Checklists for Peace
3:56 – Self-Care as Discipline
4:35 – Lessons From the Past
6:21 – Big Rock Theory
8:12 – Saying No to Pebbles
9:08 – Boundaries and Phone Habits
11:22 – Rubber vs. Glass Balls
13:13 – Reset and the Becoming Question
13:55 – Stay in the Making

The Becoming Question:
What would change if you gave yourself permission to say no? And what glass balls are you carrying that you're afraid to name?

Connect: @melissathompson.19

Watch/Listen: bellame.com/becomingher

You are not late. 

You are not behind. 

You are not finished. 

You are in the making.

Stay in the making.

Transcript

– Teaser: Discipline Is Freedom

SPEAKER_00 0:00

When you think of the word discipline, usually a negative connotation. But what if you could reframe the discipline word to mean freedom? Nothing happens. It's almost like having about a bazillion windows open in my head. Discipline gives you that form of freedom to allow you to even rest at night, to sleep, to empty your mind for a moment and fill it with peace. Discipline is a beautiful way to enjoy freedom. It's not negative. Welcome to becoming her. I'm Melissa Thompson. This is a podcast about lifelong evolution. For the woman who knows she's not finished, not behind, not late, just in the making. And that's exactly where you're supposed to be. Welcome back to becoming

– Why Discipline Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:54

her. When you think of the word discipline, what do you imagine? Usually authority, have to, structure, usually a negative connotation. But what if you could reframe the discipline word to mean freedom? For me, discipline has actually provided freedom that I need. Discipline is everything in my life, from watching what I eat to making sure that I'm checking off my list every single day. But discipline itself, or someone like me, that has a zillion things going in life, from business to family to pretty much all of it, without some form of checkoffs, without some form of staying true to my own schedule, what I need to get done, nothing happens. It's almost like having about a bazillion windows open in my head, right? For me, discipline is everything. It allows me to get up in the morning, know what I have to do, and lay my head on the pillow at night, knowing that I've accomplished the things that are going to give me the freedom within the following day, the following week, and following years. For someone like me, and many of you might feel the same way, you're doing about a bazillion things every single day. And if I was a computer, there'd be about, I don't know, anywhere from a dozen different windows opening every single day across my screen, because there are so many things that have to happen. And we don't all have the luxury of being able to take time and get it all done in one thing. How many times have you walked into a room to do one thing and then ended up realizing you have to tend to something else? Whether that's a child in the room who needs your help, whether the phone rings, whether somebody's at the door, or you all of a sudden remember that very important thing that you thought you would not forget and had to do it. So then whatever window, if you relate it to a computer like I do, is still open and still needs to be

– Checklists for Peace

SPEAKER_00 3:07

done. For me, discipline has become a structure in my life, like a daily checkoff. I'm a very visual person. So I need to be able to see what needs to happen that morning. And that way when I lay my head down at night and I can know that my little checks have been done, even the ones that haven't, I can be disciplined enough to know that they're there waiting for me tomorrow. You know, discipline gives you that form of freedom to allow you to even rest at night, to sleep, to empty your mind for a moment and fill it with peace. As women, we tend to take everything under our control. We are managing households, we're managing who's eating when, what's happening, what needs to be restocked, what's happening at

– Self-Care as Discipline

SPEAKER_00 3:56

work. And of course, our own needs usually come last, but that's where discipline also takes in really a whole other category of self-care. It is everything. For me, living with lupus and getting through daily, I live, I even check off how much water I'm drinking, make sure I have my electrolytes. It's a visual thing that I know if it's not done, it's not done. And I need to take care of that. And I think that it is a beautiful thing to be able to structure our world to give that freedom. And for me, that's a little lesson I wish I would have learned earlier, but better late than never.

– Lessons From the Past

SPEAKER_00 4:35

When I was younger, it was very difficult because of the way my brain works, wanting to do so many things. And of course, when I was younger, I had little ones on top of it. But it was messier. Life was messier because I did not have that same kind of discipline. And what usually took the last priority was my own self-care. Back when my little babies were small, I actually was a size 18. I was a size 18 because I didn't take care of myself personally. I wasn't able to devote any time to self-care because I there were no checkoff sheets, less alone, if there were, I would have been last on that, on that sheet. And if there were checkoff sheets, I would be at the very bottom of that list. But I didn't even have that. So taking care of myself as a form of discipline to give me the freedom to live really wasn't there at all. I wish what I know now, I would have known then. But I'm not alone in that. In fact, there are so many of us out there that are going through that same thing every single day. As women, we tend to have lower standards for our own self-care than we do for everyone around us. We are constantly taking care of the needs of others. If you are a mom in that season of having young children in school, you have a checkoff sheet of your own. You probably have it on a daily calendar of what's needed, what's needed at school, um, needed for the PTA meetings, needed for school fundraisers, any of those. Or if you are older and taking care of somebody else, it's the same thing. We're always disciplined best when we're taking care of others.

– Big Rock Theory

SPEAKER_00 6:21

When you look at schedules, I learned long ago, and something I learned a while back that really helped me was understanding the big rock theory. If you've never heard what that means, imagine a large glass and you have a ton of rocks beside it: big rocks, little pebbles, and sand. And you need to fit it all in that glass. Now, it's a visual concept, and I share it, I'm a visual person. And this really helped me understand what scheduling and discipline and sticking with structure really means. Now, if I asked you to fill that, most people would fill it and they would start with the easiest things, which are usually the pebbles and whatever can go in, you know, just with ease. And then you're trying to put it all in, your vase, so to speak, would be overflowing. You wouldn't be able to get everything in. But there is something called the big rock theory, which is putting your big rocks in first and letting the others find the crevices in between. What that simply means is that plan your week out, plan your day out, plan your month and even your year. The big things. And what are big rocks? Big rocks are important family events, birthdays, things that you must be at. There's no options, right? The little tiny things are the things that are not as necessary. That if they fall to the next day or two days later, it's okay. Self-care would be a big rock. Are you putting time in your schedule each day, even if it's five minutes to sit in peace and quiet and regroup? Those are big rocks. And being able to find that structure for yourself, that discipline, will give you more freedom than you ever dreamed

– Saying No to Pebbles

SPEAKER_00 8:12

of. So, what do I mean by the little rocks, the little pebbles that are okay if you are not able to do them? It's all about saying no. And as women, we have such a hard time with saying no to what people are asking us. We're we're nurturers, we want to help, we want to take care of. But when you realize that for every little yes you say to that one little pebble, for example, those are taking away from the big rocks of your life, which is the self-care, the taking care of other things that need your attention. And it is something that we have to teach ourselves to do. As little girls, we're raised to say yes and take care of people. But the truth is it's okay to say no. In fact, it is powerful to learn the word no.

– Boundaries and Phone Habits

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Maybe you're going through a season right now, feeling stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed. Like there are so many things on your to-do list you wouldn't even know where to start. The first thing to take a really honest, good look at are your boundaries because chances are many have crossed them already. I can think of every night a boundary that I am now putting in place where recently it really was to my detriment, was the cell phone. We all know it. We get in bed ready to go to sleep, and maybe you're going to take time for prayer, maybe you're going to watch television, maybe you're going to unwind. And we grab the cell phone. I know I'm not alone on this. Start scrolling, and people need something, there's things to tend to. That is the perfect example of crossing the that boundary and me personally allowing that to happen. Because once that happens, there goes your rest, there goes your peace at the end of the day. And instead of calming your brain before falling asleep to get some peaceful rest, you've just thrown in so many more to-do lists, things to think about. And it really is a boundary that feels like an invasion. So for me personally, that has been the number one boundary that I have set for my own life to allow me the freedom of peace at night. And as a business owner, it is critical for me to have those boundaries. You have to set working hours, for example, for yourself. And as a business owner, I also know that those hours for me are long, but there still have to be boundaries of when I'm working, when I'm on, and when I allow my body to rest or to enjoy life outside of that. Whether you're working in the home, whether you're working on family things, you need to set that. And that really is where boundaries and the big rocks come together to understand what's important.

– Rubber vs. Glass Balls

SPEAKER_00 11:22

I once heard somebody say, and it's never left my mind, as women, we juggle so many different balls. You have to figure out which one of those balls are rubber and which ones are glass. If you drop the ones that have to do with family and love and peace, that is hurtful and can be something that truly affects your life for a very long time. And then there are the ones that are rubber, very much like the rock analogy. So many different ways to put in our mind as a visual that we do need boundaries and we do need structure and discipline. Otherwise, there is no freedom. And as women, since we have been trained to not say no and to go above and beyond and just keep doing, doing, doing, I think it's very important to remember that discipline is a form of love and respect. Not just self-love and self-respect, but also love and respect for those in your life. Because whether you're dealing with coworkers, working with people that you know, neighbors, family, community, when you're able to have rest, when you're able to give full real attention rather than scattered five million brain windows open, then you're able to show up as the best version of yourself for them too. And when you do that, you truly realize that discipline is a beautiful way to enjoy freedom. It's not negative, it's not punishment, it's not restriction. It allows you to do so much more than you could have done prior. And I promise you'll begin to embrace

– Reset and the Becoming Question

SPEAKER_00 13:13

it. So if you're feeling exhausted, completely worn out and overwhelmed, and have had an invasion on your boundaries, it's time to reset. It's time to first take a breath, determine what those big rocks are, determine what's important in your life so that you can focus on that. You deserve the space and that peace of mind that comes with setting those boundaries. And for the becoming question of the day, where have you lowered your standards out of fear or out of fatigue?

– Stay in the Making

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Thank you so much for being with us today. Remember, friend, you are not late, you're not behind, you're not finished, you are still in the making. Keep becoming. Thanks for being here. If you know someone who needs to hear this, send it to them. And if this resonated with you, comment down below. I'd love to keep this conversation going. Make sure to follow along on YouTube and Instagram for daily updates. You can find everything in the description. See you next time.