Teachers Need Love Too

Teachers spend their days encouraging, supporting, and pouring into everyone else but what happens when it's time to invest in their own relationships?

In this fun and honest episode, we're stepping outside the classroom to talk about love, dating, relationships, and the unique challenges educators face when trying to balance personal happiness with a demanding career.

We're discussing whether dating is harder as a teacher, if educators should date other educators, and what it takes to build a relationship with someone who truly understands the realities of teaching. We'll also share our biggest relationship green flags and red flags, talk about dating while living in the public eye, and explore the importance of setting healthy boundaries both online and offline.

Of course, it wouldn't be The Bellringer Podcast without a little laughter. We're diving into a rapid-fire round of dating questions, sharing some hot takes, and reflecting on the lessons we've learned along the way.

Whether you're single, dating, engaged, or married, this conversation is a reminder that teachers deserve healthy, supportive relationships just as much as anyone else.

In this episode, we'll discuss:
• Is dating harder as an educator?
• Should teachers date other teachers?
• Relationship green flags and red flags
• Dating while being visible in your community
• Social media, boundaries, and professionalism
• Our best relationship advice and non-negotiables

Because at the end of the day, healthy relationships begin with healthy people. Keep showing up for your students—but don't forget to show up for yourself, too.

Thank you for listening to The Bellringer Podcast. Class is in session…don't be late!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

I'm Miss Jane and I'm Miss Durden. And welcome to the Bell Ringer. Class is officially infected.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Hi, y'all. Hi everyone. Welcome back to the Bell Ringer podcast.

unknown 0:25

Woo!

SPEAKER_01 0:28

All right, you guys. We are back with another episode. If you have not, make sure you tune into last week's take a listen to the last episode we talked about as we're getting ready to go back to school. But you all, we have a treat for you all today. A good sugary, high calorie, high sugar glucose treat. On today, we well, y'all, let me just do this. The title of this week's episode is I'm so excited. Teachers need love to again. Teachers need love too. And y'all, we're not talking about the students. We love y'all, but we're not Miss James and Miss Durden all day, okay? So look, we we pour into our students, but we're gonna talk about how teachers deserve what healthy and fulfilling relationships to what I pour into my students. I want it to be reciprocated, and not just for my money. And I know I have the love of the Lord, but that type of relationship, okay? All right, so here's our first segment. You know, let's talk about some of the different things in in education and in dating. I feel like a part two is coming on, but anyways, because I'm gonna edit that out if I say the title of that. So second one is dating harder as an educator? I start this off with this question how has teaching changed what you look for in a partner? I remember being a 22-year-old, a fresh 22-year-old, because my birthday, you know, me and Miss Jane, we're spring babies, like yeah, we're spring babies. So we turned 22 and we walked across the stage and started our classes, you know, in that July, August time. And one thing when I I realized like I was in my profession, I was kind of like I can't date these like the schoolboys anymore because they still trying to figure out their life, and even though I'm in my 20s, even though I technically didn't have my life figured out, right? I was still kind of like I'm a professional, and like the big girl things are are coming into play, like bills are due, and in that time I was 22, but I was saving up to buy my first home. And fast forward, I remember being on FaceTime with this one guy. So one, I dropped all my college dues because that time was up. And when I first started talking to someone, I kind of realized like we not just talking and dating, like this is getting serious because I'm looking at okay, how can this person provide for me? Because I clearly now can provide for myself, right? And that first check, you talk about that first check and getting paid, like it's it's a livable wage, but it's just livable. If I have goals of wanting to travel and to wear certain clothes, like this is this is another topic. But I remember my first couple of years of teaching, I primarily shopped at the thrift store. It wasn't until my fifth year of teaching I found she in and my wardrobe started to change, you know, as the increases happen. But I remember fast forwarding a couple years, and this guy he was my age, but he was still in school. Um, and I have his and her sinks in my bathroom, and he was like, he didn't call on that. He said, Oh, you got two sinks, and I immediately thought, uh-uh, this ain't gonna work out. Like, this, this, this is not gonna work out. If some of y'all may understand what I'm coming from, but this is not gonna work out because you already setting up the state in my home. Like the energy that what teaching has taught me or changed my perspective, or just entering a profession, the energy switched from me just wanting to have a good time to who can add to this life that I'm creating for myself, right? Who can help me build right this life? Which what you got?

SPEAKER_00 4:53

That's really good. I was just agreeing because I think that's and that's not just um from a teacher aspect, I think that's as we grow, right? Right. So that's as we grow and our mindset shifts from okay, let's have a great time, let's turn up to know what we are accomplishing in life and how can we do it together. Right. So that's it, that's really um, really a big shift. Um, so do you think it's more difficult to date being in education?

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Um, okay, so I got a part-time job. If I was just doing my part-time job, I can I got a good way on this now. If I was just doing my part-time job, I think it'll be easy to date. Like, I have my schedule, these are my free times. Being a teacher, like, and this is true. Yesterday, I had the hardest day at my part-time job that I've ever had. Like, I felt defeated. But once I left, I was like, or before I even left, it was like, okay. But in teaching, a lot of, and we talked about this in teacher burnout. A lot of things that happen at school, whether we like it or not, it plays a part. If you have a bad day with a student, or if you're tired, I think teaching takes another mental capacity from you. I remember hearing this woman talk about she wasn't a teacher, but she just talked about in her profession, and she was a mom. When she got home, she needed 30 minutes to herself. So, mind you, I have no children, I'm not married. But me, my car, and my garage, when I come home, are the best moments. And there are times, even when I I don't sometimes even talk to my mom and catch up with her because when she was when she was here more often, I don't catch up with her because I'm like, I need 30 minutes. Like, I used to come in the house and then I just start. It's over time, over the 11 years of teaching. I just sit in my car and just I need it's a lot, and then when you have a lot going on, like back to school. So I think those that makes it challenging because sometimes we need to plug out, and then we may, I know we may talk about this, but you need somebody who understands your occupation and the you know, but sometimes I think the day the teacher can be a little bipolar, so you gotta have somebody who could who could accommodate to all those different attitudes because the teacher you see in August is not the teacher you see in December, the teacher you see in December is not the same you see in March and April, the teacher you see in March in April is not the teacher in May. And I used to tell people I felt bad, and I still do it. I'm the best, I feel like I'm the best partner doing breaks, Thanksgiving break, Christmas break. Wow, really? Yeah, because I have so much time on my hands, and early on, I had to learn like and be up front. Like if I started talking to somebody in December, they didn't understand when January came, like it's gonna be a shift. So that's why it's just so much, but yeah, it's I think it is difficult. What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Okay, um, I see it a little different because honestly, if I want you, I want you. Okay. Oh I'm just saying, so I mean, between being in education, I'm a single parent as well. So my schedule is to I run a tight ship, so I am always busy. That is true. I am, but if I am interested, like if I know that it's going in the direction that I want it to, and you do as well, I'm gonna make time. I'm sorry. That's just but that's just me. I'm gonna make time. I because honestly, life or life, I don't care what career you're in. Um we do have see we do have seasons within the school year that are down, but I try not to make that my whole like I can't make that my whole life. I try not to carry as much over now. Story as far as story times, I do like to tell, you know, and share and express those things. But I'm not caring at all the girl. See, I'm not at that level yet because yeah, you gotta get uh I think you have to get there because it is so it is so important, and that's not it's not fair to yourself, and it's not fair if you have a person that you truly are into. Maybe it's not fair to them. Yeah, it's not fair to them either. And I wouldn't even say that it's because I found the right one. I think that's something I've always I think I've always just um had that mindset.

SPEAKER_01 9:49

I think because of my past experience with guys, like I have not had the best. I really think it's because of my past experience with guys. I don't I don't put my all into guys, I think. I don't I don't put my all in. So because I'm not putting my all in, and it's like if I'm if okay, so it I'm in like four different parts because I'm Jamise, I got a rest, but I'm Jamise the teacher. Well, I'm sorry, Miss Durden. I'm Miss Durden, um Jamise, um, um Miss Jamise, you know, at church or Miss J. So I've always, you know, you all well, you know me. I've always or anybody who's listened, my line sisters, friends from college, y'all know I'm heavy. I've always have been heavy in my church ministry, and so I look at when somebody enters my life and I'm juggling things, now this is something else I have to juggle. And because I have been hurt, I believe, in the past, not just becoming therapy session. I I look at you're not going to take away from my class or take like I can't give my all to my class. And I've been in I've been in some, you know, some some schools where I I gotta give my attention to these kids. Like, you know, you do have some teachers out there who don't care who who got a boyfriend, and they students know who their boyfriend is, know who they who they talking to, who their man is. I'm not I'm not doing that. Like, y'all not gonna know. Don't don't even send me sweet gesture, and I'll have flowers sent to the school for me, but I don't even want that because I don't want flowers sent to the school for me because I don't want people like, oh my goodness, she has a good man, or she has this, or she has like, I don't want you better let that man love you out loud. No, no, and but I I think that is why I haven't broken away. And now I know I can do it because you talk to the one who who had a whole plan in small group and had all my friends using using planners, so I can do it. I think it's just the energy of like, okay, when it comes down to doing everything, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

That's it. You definitely just have to um be mindful of who. So when I say those things as far as like making time, like you're not making time for all the knuckleheads, it's when you use your yeah, use your discernment and it's making time for the right one. Because I say that, but booking busy is what I usually am. But when you have that, you meet a person who you know who is showing you what you need and they're the right fit, then you can make then you adjust and make time for them.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

That's what I was saying. That's good. So okay, so that kind of look, we've been on that for a while. So is dating harder as an educator? I think there are challenges, like with any profession, as you were saying. I yeah, there are challenges, but at the end of the day, if it's the if it's the if it's not a knucklehead and the person whose head is screwed on right, right? You know, I've I've seen some beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I know teachers that are relationships. I worked with um a bunch of teachers one year, and everybody was like in a relationship. And now that I think about it, I burst them out on my Miss Cruz. I think it's getting married or in a in a partnership relationship. Um, another teacher, I can't remember her name. I'm so sorry, but she was right next to me. Miss Aminta, now Miss Maze, Miss Sanders, like all of them. I'm thinking, ooh, they literally were dating, and then they all but they they had a great balance of um of all of that. So I thought that was um good.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

All right, so that was really good. Let's get into uh should teachers date teachers. You laughing, girl. I don't know why you're laughing.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

I would die memory lane.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

Uh-oh, not memory lane. You might have to tell us a little bit about that. Okay, should teachers date teachers? Um, okay, from a personal experiences, I would say I've never dated anyone within the same school as me. So I can't say that my I don't have a you know an opinion as it relates to that part. Um, but I have dated another educator. We were in different schools, we were in different school systems. Um, so I think some pros that came with that. Um, we did kind of understand, you know, the schedule, how things work, um, how our days can be hectic, how we have to, you know, plan, prepare. Um, those were some good, those were some really good things. Um, some cons came into it. Girl, he was a where you will, girl. What do you want? Um, he was a teacher and a coach. So oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

Oh, you oh, you ain't trying to put your BMs on function, but yeah, but yeah, we're talking about it.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Um teacher and a coach, and so with coaching, I think that's more demanding. That adds like another layer of the demand, so I think it really yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

Football, yeah. Yeah, I mean it meant to God, no, but you're right, you're right, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Yeah, it um it adds a whole nother level of demanding, so I think it just really depends on your preferences, right? And I think some things I think are for dating, period, when you think about um whether you bring work stress home, you know, it depends on the person. Because for me, I'm not bringing honestly, like I've learned to let go of so many things, like I'm not bringing home, like you're not catching the attitude because I'm irritated about something that happened in my mind. I think we have to get now. If you're still doing things like that, I think that's the worst within yourself, okay. So you can still have discussions about those things, but those aren't things that you should be bringing home or after you know, after you clock out, like you should your partner shouldn't be receiving backlash right because of something that happened at nine o'clock in the morning, right? Like we have to get to a level where we're not doing those things, so I think it really depends on the person now. Dating within a school, I wouldn't do that. You know, yeah, I wouldn't be mixing and mingling like that. But um as far as like different schools or different school systems, I have and it's sometimes good because you can connect, but I think for myself, as I get as I get older, you know, when you start to really learn like what you like or what you're attracted to, what you're into, um and I think I got a thing for men who um don't put your business out there. That's not that's not putting my business. Don't be just putting my DM for go, you got a man for what? Okay. Um, no, a thing for men who pour into others, so that's not you know what I mean. So when they're um and not even just their career or maybe like a different avenue, but they choose to pour into other people. That's teaching, that's coach, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 17:29

No, you like you like those who that I mean that's the what coaches do, they go the extra mile. So you're not saying you if you a football coach, basketball, whatever have a coach, come holler at me, but because of the characteristics of those men, you like that. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, it's a whole therapy session over here, okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

And I think and I think that's and I think that's good, but I think now I could see where if you were like dating like teachers from the same school, like that's stuck kind of messy to me.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

I ain't always about to get real messy in a second.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Oh, see, that that can be real um messy, and I think as far as even if it's a con learning different schedules, like you would navigate schedules regardless of what right like no matter what, no matter what career each partner has, like you're gonna navigate, you know, as far as schedules because people you also have to respect people's time. And so I know for me, it's not all about me, it's about whatever your career path is, whatever you have to do personally, your personal interests, those things are important too. So I think you do have to make sure that you're navigating in a way where I want you to be your best self outside of me. So I want to make sure that you have those things going wait, and that's what you were talking about earlier. That's why it's gotta be a healthier, more so in a healthy space where um you can navigate, you can navigate your different avenues and then come together as one and enjoy each other's company. So that's that's good. Now, would I want somebody who taught the same grade as me and did all that? No, you know how men do. No, I'm not about to be um giving you everything like creating everything twice for my room and your room.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Nah, right. I mean, that's what some people are doing now. Yeah, okay. So you got what's the T.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

What's the T?

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Okay, so the T is okay. Everything you say, shout out, and I know she wouldn't mind this. Like, I love the Barlows. We both know the Barlows. That is a I think they just celebrated like 10 or 11 years together. Um, and they are just so beautiful. I mean, write her into her. I gave her a shout out on the podcast, and she's a dream guest, by the way. Oh my goodness, why we didn't think about her?

SPEAKER_00 19:51

And both of them, Mr. Barlow was, you know, he was at I can start saying school names, Engle Nook, my first school. He was one of my first co-workers, he is for he is phenomenal, and I love how they pour into the youth together.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Yes, and that's a good example of somebody who now the coach well. Hold on, is he a coach? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Oh, yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

Yeah, so he has those characteristics. But I love now, they're at different schools. I don't know, they love story, how they met, but as a couple, like she's Miss Barlow, and I never met Mr. Barlow, but he's Mr. Barlow, but it ain't like that Mr. Barlow wife, like you know what I'm saying? Like, she has her own identity, she is like doing her thing with teaching. If you follow her on her social media platform, she has her students, and she's like a bum, fun math teacher, and the students love her class. Um, yeah, so that I think that's outside looking in. We're giving them a shout out. You know, that is a beautiful if I if I wanted to date an educator, yeah. That is a beautiful example of relationship. Now, my journey is different. Right. I thought about them and I was like, she that's a dream, they're a dream guest, and they I know they'll be down to do it because she supports the podcast. So um, so what we talk about should teachers, day teachers again, it's your preference. There the pros are there because they know the schedule. The con, and it's not in our notes, but here the cons is the pay. You know, that was kind of like I when I would see a cute teacher, like a cute guy, like, oh, he cute, like, oh look, we actually date like he I know he got a job. Like, that's the cut, that's the pro. He got a job. Um, is he a great teacher? Or he's just doing this, that's the so he can coach, you know, football. So, because that that is something I feel like I have been through so many could have been situationships dating teachers. I've never fully on. I'm just gonna be real, yeah. I've never dated a teacher again because this is my little therapy session today. I really realize like I'm closed off because. There was one guy and he was showing me all the great signs, taking me out, like asking me on a date. Like he legit courted me. I don't mind saying this. If you want to know who it is, it's my business. So I remember I have, if you want to say, for the lack of words, dated a guy at my school. Um, I was there longer than him. Well, now people like trying to put two or two together. So I could just feel it. So I dated him. Uh this is why I can remember. I I did no makeup November. So I did went the whole November with no makeup. December 1st, the girl had her face back on, and I had a shirt made by my line sister mama that was like Maybelline, Mac, Melanin. And then I remember being in a classroom after hours, and that gentleman walked down to the classroom I was in, pulled me out the classroom, and you know, many of my half go away. I'm just like, hey, yeah. And he was like, Are you dating anyone? And I was like, Oh shoot. So we talked for about look, so we started talking like December. We were done talking before my birthday, which is in April. So I didn't realize we talked for a good while. But you guys, he asked for me to be his girlfriend, and I declined, but we kept on being friends, so I know looking back like I'm in the wrong because I just could not go all the way in. And if I okay, now people gonna know who it is, so okay, well they gonna they gonna guess. No, I don't care because if y'all want to be messy, y'all gonna be messy. Um, there was an age difference, there was an age difference, and that age difference made me very apprehensive because I think lost are older, he was older, he was older because some people thought they knew who it was. Them folks that be messy at the other school, they thought who they knew who it was, but he was older.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

This is outside of the moment.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

Look, I know you know what I said this on my YouTube channel. So I did say I said this on my YouTube channel, and I still had a YouTube channel, so yes. Um, what was that? How many years? 23 years. Oh snap, right? 23 years, but uh 23 year old and a 46-year-old. Y'all see how private I am, and this is gonna get into the other part of um teaching, um, and how you carry yourself. Nobody knew that, but the the cons of dating somebody at the school is it builds insecurity for one, men are men, just being real. Um, I felt like he was trying to talk to another teacher, and then one of my teacher mentors who who really was like my um was like my youth leader in church. I remember years later, she she went in my business, but she years later she said, you know, because somehow she found out I told her in a conversation with somebody else when we were talking, she said, I was wondering what that Joker was doing going down your going on that hallway. Because that was another thing, he's on a different hallway. If you're coming to my hallway during instructional time or sending your kids down, I found later I thought I was being very like low-key, nobody knew what was going on. And my students have graduated, and I have co-workers I no longer work with, and they have told me how they said, We was one of our Mr. So and so. Uh-uh, you can't because one one of my co-workers, he was a male, and he was like, 'Uh, the kids was telling me that's that's Mr. Such and Such Girl.' So that's another thing. The kids get into your business, and honestly, that is that is not cute. It's not cute, it's not cute at all. Uh, the insecurity part about like I remember, and I'll never forget this. I remember him texting another co-worker while we were in a faculty meeting because I looked at her face, she looked up from her phone and gave him the eye. Like, what you doing? And I was like, Oh, I had gal, I almost had a panic attack, a panic attack in the classroom after hours. Like, it's so many different times. Because for one, I knew Jesus, but this was my first my first trial and like my test, and I'm just being real, also just being tempted. So I was getting all of it, and I'm still trying to navigate my 20s. I'm 23 years old, and it's some things I don't understand. Um, we did go out together. I say, like, this kid saw us from the school, they saw us out. Um, and I remember one time a co-worker saw us out, so you have co-workers that are messy, and I I helped this when I helped one of my former co-workers who's a PE coach, and I told him, like, you're you're I'm just being real, you good looking, stay out of these women's classrooms. And this goes from my new teachers, my fresh out of college teachers. If you are going to date somebody that is an educator that is at your school, district is fine, but I would even be caught, just men be cautious of anything because folks cheat, they lie, they whatever. But when you're at the school and they're trying to do it, at the end of the day, that is your job. I remember, and I'm gonna give it back to you. I remember I had this argument, and my co-teacher knew we were really close, and she was older than me. And I guess she was just rooting for us, rooting for us. She was like, Do I need to hold your class? Because we were going through something, and I remember I was missing, so and then at the end of the day, okay, from where I am I'm at, we make the same amount of money, but that's a whole nother story for another day because the stuff he was really just teaching, so he could um he was waiting to take an exam, and he was just teaching as a long-term sub in the meantime, so but I don't even think he's doing what he said he was gonna be doing anyway. I think he's selling cocoa butter out of the back of his trunk. Um, yeah, I one time I saw him passing by at church. Um his motives for dating me was completely different, but I am so glad. So everybody got their little ounce of tea today. I am so glad that we that I didn't allow that situation to mess me up professionally because I was still able to go on and do other things. And what the best thing I got out, and I always credit him for this, I thank God, but the best thing that he ever did for me was he motivated me because I gave him the runaround of why I wouldn't date him and I said, because I don't have my masters, and because of this man, and because he dumped me. Well, we stopped talking on my birthday, and he basically ghosted he well, he ghosted me and I confronted him and I took my GRE on April 21st, my birthday. I text him, I told him I took my GRE. He said he was so proud of me, but he does not want to continue with me. And he is well off, he is married, living his um, I'm sure he's living a great life, but I always credit him, my young girls, my young teachers, because if it wasn't for him, I would have never took the GRE. Got my scores back, and literally one year later, who had a master's degree? So that was the best thing I got out of that whole relationship. But go ahead, go ahead. Well, that I know that was a lot.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

That wasn't a lot. That was a lot, but you know what? Through all that, and we'll I guess we'll probably um save it for um another day. Age gaps, because girl, that's a big age gap. So I was really wanting into um as far as what were your like how was it with that big of an age gap?

SPEAKER_01 29:41

That's be honestly that that taught me, and I just feel so led to say this. Um, watch power dynamics in education in the workplace, because even if you choose to say somebody in there in a different district, teachers is one thing, but when we talk about principals, we talk about people that are really like they're not your boss directly, but they they kind of are your boss, like be watch out for those power dynamics. And the reason why I say that is because I was just very smart and had a good head on my shoulders. I could have let him turn me which way loose and had me acting crazy because of his age gap. I thought, oh my goodness, he's gonna treat me wonderfully. But honestly, I see no difference between a 46-year-old and a 24-year-old that was trying to talk to me. That's T for another day. But I I see I see no difference. Men are men, and I know we heavy on the men right now, but it's because we're two ladies. If it's a male educator that has a story about dating a female educator, let us know where you can get on. Please let us know. But I do know some beautiful relationships. Um, but you know, I know I know relationships where and you can say they they work out, they get married, but I do believe that to a certain extent, if you're working with your husband or working with your boyfriend, or honestly, you work with your husband when you they done solidified it, that adds a whole nother level because that invites the community to say different things about your your marriage or your relationship, or if you have a child with somebody that you that y'all are at the same school, like think about it. If I'm married, I don't want to keep that private, but you gotta you basically gotta play two when you if you're working together, you gotta play two roles, and that role is like I can't because it's a different space, yes. Is you gotta keep everything professional, and then even saying little slight comments like if your your your husband works at the board and you hear well, I don't like it. It also just creates a conflict of interest that I just that's why I say watch out for that because that's not fair that your your husband is the data specialist, and you working at the school as a teacher, you know all the you know all the ins and outs of what goes on, and then you you believe. Are you subconscious of when women are around your husband? Are you acting like the professional or are you acting like the wife or the girlfriend? You know, all that like all that plays into a part, and then are you scaring off other teachers because it's like, oh, that's me such and such husband. Don't talk to him. I just want to let y'all know, stay away from the PE coach. That goes into uh green flags. Can we move on? That goes into green and red flags. Um girl, I thought we was on to look, we kind of have I'm sorry, we skipped all over the place because this is such a good episode. But if those are your green and your red flags, you know, go ahead, go ahead. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

All right, yes, so that was that was really, really good. Um, right, and that just makes me think of like how it works dating while being so visible. Like we are so as to me, when you're in the education field, like you're not a celebrity, but you truly are a public figure, right? All eyes are always on you, whether you are in the school or whenever you're out, eyes are on you, and then I think with working in like an area like Jefferson County, no matter where you teach, you can see somebody anywhere, really. No, yeah, you can kind of see it depends, but you can see them um anywhere. And so what is your take on you know how social media plays a part in this too? I think um I share on social media, I don't share as much as I used to. I know you're more you are more private on social media. I'm more private, I'm private now. I think I girl. Yes, yes. I used to post.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

I used to post Instagram was made just for you.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

Yeah, I used to post um everything, every little update. Um, I have, as I've gotten older, I've stopped posting as much and stopped sharing as much, simply because I want to live life and experience it. And then I got into, yeah, this is a part of dating because I honestly reached a point in life. You know how people say, um, what is it? Like those are just images and you don't really know what's going on. Right. And like I honestly reached a point at one time in my dating experience where I was posting things, and girl, I was somewhere in tears.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

Oh, just helping people though, just helping people.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

Yeah, I was somewhere in tears trying to, I mean, crying. I never get like in my car crying and posting stuff and people telling me, oh, congratulations, and so cute, or whatever. And I was in tears, and so I think after experiencing that, I I had the I done know who it was, like, okay. Yeah. Um, but you know, after experiencing that, like it really made me wake up to social media, like that is not it shows a little bit of real life, but it's not reality, so I really don't get caught up in posting like that. I think now I don't know, especially TikTok, but the the children love finding their educator, like oh, that is my number one play. I got so many followers on TikTok. They love to find it, and you know, at one point I was like, girl, I was like, block, block, block, block. Like, why are you following me? And then it dawned on me one day. I'm like, why not follow me? Like, I know when we when we were in school, like we didn't have um big social media platforms like that. We really weren't concerned with that. But I was like, what is wrong with it? I'm like, I am a profess, like honestly, being a professional, that's who you are, whether you are in the building or outside of the building. I don't mind them seeing who I am, right? And I think sometimes it's good for them to see who we are because honestly, um, before I left the classroom, or I think some of our biggest viewers or listeners were the children. Right. I don't think they're listening, yeah. Um, but they were listening, and I think um it's a part of it. I think now some people do have this take on social media where I'm grown, it's my page, I can post whatever, but everyone can see it. Right, right, everyone can see it. So you do see to me, you still have to be mindful of those things. You still have to be mindful of those things. I remember when um so my second school, girl, I've been I was giving me saying my second school, I've only been to three three schools, but um, my first school, they weren't really into or worried about you know social media and all those things. But I remember when I started at my second school in 2020 and we were in the pandemic and shut down, and so the students had made it into the building, but we were in the car line. And when this family rolled up, girl, the babysitter, she was like, Miss James, can I babysit? And I was new to the school, and I was like, How does she know I have a kid? Social media. They when they learned that I came to that I was coming to the school, they looked me up on social media, and so I think um we just have to be my like we just have to be mindful. It's a new age, it's a new day, and that's just how it is, and I think we should just be mindful. I don't think, you know, when you said about the kid, the kids will know. I don't see anything wrong with as far as you know, if you're receiving flowers or receiving things like that, that's fine, but I think when you give them the space to be in your business, like knowing who you date and what y'all are doing and where y'all, I think that's too much. That's too much. So you definitely have to set boundaries, and then as far as how much of your relationship belongs on social media, right? I've had some history with social media, so I'm really not um it's beautiful to look at though. It is be yeah, it is beautiful to look at. It's not um sometimes it's not reality. No, I'm talking about like it's beautiful to look at how you came so far because you know I've always been like Miss James telling me that I need to like express the people, and I I've learned to let people in a little bit, and I'm talking about everybody, like even my own mom don't know what you really going on, but though it's you can look at how like you appreciate the private, the privacy as the privacy I made up my old word privateness, but the privacy, yeah, and it's so crazy because even now, like I learned like I appreciate the privacy, but I feel like I'm called to use my voice in a different like not using your voice to tell all of your business, but using your voice to uplift and help other people, right? So that's really that's really good.

SPEAKER_01 39:33

That's so good. I mean, all I have to say is as far as this podcast, I may share this with some of my family members because they always ask me who I'm dating. Nobody really knows my story, so I've always just been private altogether, like even you can say my my colleague, that's his name, you know, that's what we're gonna call him. So with my colleague, and if he listens, he'll understand that joke. Um, I'm not dating dating nobody, but I'm very private, and I kind of make that I that's one of the things I even say up front. Like a guy who's always constantly posting on social media, yeah. I'm not saying I'm not attracted, but I take note of that. Like you you could be on social media all the time and make a status about this, and it's funny and be joking, but I look at people and say, Are you really like letting people in? And sometimes I do, I've had some college students do it before. I love doing a um, and maybe you want to do it too, Miss James, like a a social media um autopsy or evaluation where I ask people what does my social media look like? And I remember one time I asked somebody, said you are a saved, woke aka. And I was like, Oh, fit, that's what I like. And then you know, it changed to like you're a teacher, and then so like my social media is just an extension of who I am, and I do want to use my platform to promote things like Sunday school and a podcast and a book that you all should go get on Amazon. I'm I'm ordering mine, yeah, and then it's gonna go. I'm gonna I'm gonna have to order two because it's gonna have to go on my wall of books that I have a published author. So let me just I'm gonna do it today. So um, yeah, I just in all aspects, I do believe dating is something some people may have a different opinion. That is something that you should just share with yourself be private, and you decide when you want to post. I've already told people, y'all will find out I'm dating when my third child comes out, and then you like, when you had your third child, girl, yeah, we got married, like that. And I they I joke about it, but I'm really serious, like, yeah, because I remember in high school, this girl used to always say she was in love with her man, her man, her man, her man, but y'all, she had a different man like almost every other month. Yeah, and it's it.

SPEAKER_00 42:04

I I clocked that at 16 years old, like I don't want to do that, and it's and it's almost experience for yourself, like you want to go, you want to go through the emotions yourself without putting it on public this way.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

And the best person, like I look at who yeah, I may have y'all little thing, but I think about like Beyonce and Jay-Z. That's not who I idolize, look after. But the I always admire how Beyonce has kept her life so private. So when you think about it, you don't know what Beyonce really likes. Think about it. Do you know what she really likes? Like that's why I people talk about Beyonce Nails. Like, I'm gonna say that, but like Beyonce likes that, like she likes cold play, but yeah, I don't know that. Who would have known she loves country music? We don't know that because who would know about Uncle John? Because she keeps everything so private and she's so smart, she capitalized on it. So, you know, anytime she puts something out, we like you know, everybody buys sacred because we saw her washing her hair. I mean, them egg drop really do work, but I was like, you know, so that's I just think at the end of the day, this is the Bell Ring of Podcast. We are educators, we are like many celebrities, but I believe everybody who has a social media platform, like somebody is watching, and so I just believe yourself even in dating in everything. How are you you know presenting presenting yourself to that's good?

SPEAKER_00 43:36

So we so we don't stuff, you know, it's some stuff I like I don't even like react to or comment on, but I like screenshot it and share it to some and send it to somebody privately, like haha, this is right, no money, but I'm not engaging publicly.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

Right. That really is how you know we at that age, I think millennials do that. Like we at the age where we just be sending screenshots and we be sending like videos.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Yeah, I'm like, I would never post this, but it is funny.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

And let me it is funny. Oh shoot. Um, I don't I feel like we gave advice through all this, but are we gonna do a fun round? Let's do a little bit. Let's go. Okay. Who should pay on the first date? The guy. Agreed. We love a provider. Coffee date or dinner? I like coffee. Coffee, ice cream, insomnia cookies. That's a shout-out for somebody. Insomnia. Okay. Okay. Not dinner, but like a little, a little snackity. So I like a coffee date.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

Teacher or non-teacher. Um well, you know, that's what I was saying earlier. Someone who pours in, so it might not be an educator, but somebody who's pouring into other people.

SPEAKER_01 45:00

That's what I like. Pouring, hey, and I I know I I was teen, no teacher, but whatever God has for me. Yes, ma'am. And you whatever it is. Long distance. We're not getting into this other question because we're not about to be missing today. Because we about to go.

SPEAKER_00 45:19

Long distance. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 45:22

Um for the right person. Long distance is okay. A flight ain't nothing when you got miles. So um, ooh, big wedding or courthouse. Courthouse all day. I'm delaying no courthouse.

SPEAKER_00 45:44

Yeah, I already have my um images and photo shoot things taken out and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 45:50

Courthouse, but no, honestly, uh, to get married and the big honeymoon. Yeah, big big reception, big honeymoon, house. Yeah, we on the same page.

SPEAKER_00 46:01

Look at that all day or one good phone call.

SPEAKER_01 46:07

Ooh the way my schedule is one good phone call is enough once a week. Once a week, once a week. A good phone call once a week, but like we send in those with my person sometimes I feel like I'm in denial, but I'm not in denial.

SPEAKER_00 46:28

Who's this for? Like one phone call a week. Are y'all dating or what?

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Um, dating friends, however you want to call it, but no, um, like I can send a random picture of my hair throughout the week, like random picture of my hair, or like a random selfie of me, or um look at this from Instagram, and you know, I feel like it's an understanding with like relationships that are like that, that even if you don't respond, respond, it's like we saw it, or you're not you heard it, or you like it, and then we move on. But to me, I like that as communication because when you're scheduled like that, but no, like one or two good phone calls a week is fine for me. Well, a good and a good phone call for me is like four hours, so I don't know if that put a little like I love a good four-hour conversation. Okay, yeah, okay, because that's I'm gonna do a four-hour conversation maybe once, maybe twice a week because I schedule, but we're always constantly texting through, and you know, we text through three ways Facebook, Instagram, and right, okay.

SPEAKER_00 47:29

Yeah, so when we say text all day, we don't really mean text all day, like it's back to back all, but some type of communication. I'm with you on that, right? But yeah, because I'm like, I need I need to hear from you every day if you're my baby.

SPEAKER_01 47:41

Oh you know, I need to have my my I think about my best friend Ashley because anytime I date somebody, she's like, you know, you need somebody who got their own life going on, because oh no, I'm like, I know I could be clingy, but um, I just when that right person comes, all right.

SPEAKER_00 48:01

Yeah, when that right person comes, he's gonna break down all those.

SPEAKER_01 48:04

But still not gonna.

SPEAKER_00 48:06

I'm not we not talking every day because then I get you like, but you are talking every day. If it's some type of communication, if you're sending like reels and sending quote, you know, doing those things that does every day. That is talk, that is talking every day. When you say not talking every day, I think like I don't hear a peep from you at all.

SPEAKER_01 48:25

But I'm okay if I go a whole day without hearing from you. I am, I am, as long as the next six message is because if we know if I know your schedule, that's the thing. Like, we gotta sit down and look at our schedule, and if I know you like with somebody, I know they have to be in the office by Wednesday, so and so Monday and Tuesday is geared towards classes and stuff like that. Like, if I understand, you know, if I know your schedule, it's fine, but I ain't talking about ghosting me for three weeks and I don't hear nothing from you, right? Okay, okay, I'm sorry, we it's a whole nother podcast about the start.

SPEAKER_00 49:06

Yeah, I mean, okay, let's I mean I get it, but I mean you could be flying if you are if you're flight, I'm believing this in it too. Look, I'm um Miss Durden, if if his flight to the moon leaves at 8 15 a.m. Like before he takes off at 8 15, he could send me a little something. I'm not hearing that about the name.

SPEAKER_01 49:40

But when you deal with somebody that let's say, like in the last, like I I've dealt with someone who like the last two months, and we communicate like here and there, they literally have been out of town and on a flight like twice a week. But I get a picture of the food, like if you in New Orleans, I get a picture of your orchestra, like okay, the country is going good, okay, good.

SPEAKER_00 50:09

Um, yeah, and see, and that's where like differences come in because to me, it takes two but we're talking about dating, it's about dating, but well, I feel like once we get in a relationship, it'll be a little bit more like hey, I gotta fight Friday, I gotta fight on Friday. Very true. But if you're not a great communicator in dating, then you won't make it, you won't make it to a relationship with me.

SPEAKER_01 50:34

I think it's that, yeah. So that's why it's different. You learn in the dating stage, and it's like, okay, what I'm willing to put up with and what I'm not willing to put up with. So, yeah, that's why I say it's that's why I can do a long distance. I think I like a long distance because when you actually get together, it's so much special and meaningful, and then that's when you can see with your partner. Like, if we're if we on the east coast and we on like the ocean or the water, and we meet up, and then you be like, Okay, what you want to eat? All right, you don't know the place, you don't know the time. Well, you know the time, but you don't know the place. You just know you're going to get I want seafood, I'm going to get seafood, and then you show up, and then yeah, you eat on the pier, and it's like, oh my goodness, with the lights just shining at nighttime, and then you realize, oh snap, like you put a whole thought into this, you know.

SPEAKER_00 51:25

That's really good.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

So that's why that's why I like long distance, and I'll put I like I can't go out. That's another thing, that's another topic, like going out to eat every week.

SPEAKER_00 51:34

Yeah, but that's really good. And so I guess that would go into like if we were going into some other some other things. I guess one of my non-negotiables would be communication, like you have to be a great, right? You have to be a good great communicator, and I'm not just talking about um day-to-day communication, I'm talking about as far as how you neck navigate um issues, issues with yourself, issues between the two of us. Um, those are important because if you can't express yourself and you can't come to solutions, I ain't got time.

SPEAKER_01 52:10

So that's very important. I think it just the whole thing of dating as an educator is you really, really, really, really, really have to be a big, gigantic communicator. And I want to say this also, is it gotta be reciprocal? Like, yes, can you tell me how you're feeling, but also can you listen to how I'm feeling? And do I feel comfortable? Because I even think about that in one situation where when I'm upset and I don't like what's going on, I know how to calmly explain myself, and you know, Jasmine, Miss James. I think, and Jasmine more so now and Ashley, like they really laugh at me because they know I'm rah-rah rah-rah rah. So the fact that they have seen me communicate, like you know, I find it very disheartening that you say like that is how I communicate now, and I'm not rah-rah, rah, rah, rah, and I'm not crying and leaving my dorm in the middle of the night.

SPEAKER_00 53:08

So, girl, so I think that's the you're right, being a big communicator, but also being able to listen, like tell, but also listen and listen to understand, not just yes, that's it, and show me that you're listening. Yes, that's very I'm not gonna go into the topic.

SPEAKER_01 53:30

Yes, all right, Miss Jack.

SPEAKER_00 53:32

Yes, um, and then the last one, I think like the right, like remembering the right person will do those things, okay? Like the right thing, the right person will be a great communicator. Also, the right person will love you in your love language, and that's a big one because I think sometimes people get misconstrued and they think that um they think that their love language is what they give out, but then that's how you're supposed, like that's how you should receive love. And so, and I think it worked, I think it works out whether you decide to, you know, what date within the education field or spread your wings and date outside of those are all great things to remember.

SPEAKER_01 54:17

And so put I'm sorry, go ahead before you before you like close us out. I just also want to put this because this is a the bell ring of podcast. If they're out of education or even if they're in education, they appreciate you, but they also appreciate your students, and I think that is something big. They they they appreciate your students and the love you have for your students, and the love and passion that you have for your classroom. So, yes, they are helping you set up your classroom and they are helping to fulfill your donor shoes and your Amazon list because they care about you, so they care also about your career and your profession and your calling.

SPEAKER_00 54:57

That's okay. What are you because what are you putting? Um, it's back to school time. If you are dating a teacher, how are you helping them? Are you taking care of are you praying for them? Are you taking care of their Amazon wish list? Right, yeah. If you're trying to get a teacher, ask them to send that Amazon wish list. I'm just trying to free game, so they help set up that classroom. Yes, help set up that classroom. I never had a man help me set up my classroom. I haven't either. I haven't either, but hey, I guess that's another topic for another day. Another day, yes. So um, and really that's the whole episode, as far as um, I was gonna close out with what does healthy love look like to me? Um, it's all of those things when someone um acknowledges who you are, what you are, what you do, and you all can work together and grow together, which is the most important part. So, to all of our educators, whether you're single, dating, engaged, or married, remember that healthy relationships begin with healthy people. We want you to keep showing up for your students, but don't forget to show up for yourself too. And of course, teachers need love too. Until next time. And in closing, I'm Miss James.

SPEAKER_01 56:19

And I'm Miss Durden.

SPEAKER_00 56:21

Thank you for listening to the Bell Ringer. Class is officially in session.

SPEAKER_01 56:26

Don't be late.