The Job Through Their Eyes

Episode 4 — The Job Through Their Eyes

In this episode of Wind The Q — The Stories Behind The Sirens, we step away from the fireground and into the home to see the job from a different perspective.

Joining the show is Mindy Dodson, sharing an honest and real look at life as a firefighter’s wife. With over 12 years of experience living alongside the fire service, she offers insight into what it’s like behind the scenes—long shifts, missed time together, and the emotional weight that can follow a firefighter home.

This episode dives into the sacrifices families make, how they cope with the stress and uncertainty, and how they may see their firefighter change over time. It also highlights the importance of communication, support, and recognizing when something isn’t right.

There are also moments of humor—because if you’re part of a fire family, you know laughter is part of how you get through it.

This is a conversation about the human side of the fire service—through the eyes of the ones who live it with us.

Because the job doesn’t just affect the firefighter—it affects the family too. 🚒

This episode Includes dynamic content. If you feel impressed to help support the show, follow the link below. If not, please continue to like, share, follow, and subscribe for more great content!

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2605628/support

This episode Includes dynamic content. If you feel impressed to help support the show, follow the link below. If not, please continue to like, share, follow, and subscribe for more great content!

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2605628/support

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

We talk a lot about what firefighters go through on the job, but we don't always talk about the people at home. The ones who sit up late, the ones who worry. Who don't always know what we're walking into. The ones who see the changes in them sometimes before we do. Because this job doesn't just affect a firefighter, it affects the whole family. I'm Lieutenant Dummenson, engine officer in Northwest Georgia. We had a whole different plan for today's episode. But family comes first. If we get to the point where we put the department first or we put the fire service first, and our family takes a back seat, our priorities are out of order. So that's fine. The co-host we had lined up had a family issue that he had to take care of. And that's what we want. So we have a brand new co-host today. My best friend, my partner in crime. My wife, Mindy. She's decided to do this episode today with me. And I think it's going to benefit everyone who listens. She didn't really decide. I asked her if she would. Being the good player that she is. She always comes through. So this podcast is about real conversations in the fire service. It's about the job. It's about the brotherhood. It's about the things we carry with us long after the sirens fade. Today's episode is a little different. We're not talking about the fire ground. We're talking about what happens at home. So as I said, joining me today is my wife, Mindy. She's been a firewife for over twelve years now, and she's seen this job from a perspective that most never will. Mindy, I appreciate you coming on today. This might be one of the most important conversations we've had thus far. So let's start with this question today. Before I got into the fire service, what did you think my job would be like?

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Probably like most people, just the lights, the sirens, the red truck, the helping people. I didn't think about the other stuff, the the weight of what you bring home and the um way our family dynamics would change.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

So with that being said, what surprised you the most once you realize what it really involved?

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Um I probably figured that it was gonna be the danger and the the cause, but it's um the way that it's changed you. Because like you said, we've been married for 22 years, and I know the person you were before and then the person you are today, and it's not the same.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

I think a lot of people only see the lights and the sirens. They don't see the whole lifestyle change or the personality change that goes with it. We see a lot of things. We we do a lot of things, and it it does change us. It changes how we interact with our spouses and how we interact with our kids and even other family. Um we we always try to leave our calls at the station and leave the bad stuff there, but you that's impossible to a point it always goes home when you uh sometimes we don't realize how much our family's taking on and sacrificing because of that. When did it really hit you what this job actually was? So you mentioned some of those effects that you see, but when do you think that really got real?

SPEAKER_00 4:01

I don't know. I mean, I feel like you hit when it was new you loved it so much and you were so um driven and focused on that that you maybe didn't bring as much home or the weight of it wasn't as heavy, and maybe it's your age now. Or I'm not sure, but um I don't know. I don't know when it hit me, maybe the first holidays or birthdays or um spent apart and realizing that was our new our new normal.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Okay. Well, you brought that up. So this job does come for s come with sacrifices that uh I a lot of people don't realize even through recruit school. Uh at my department we have six recruits at the State Training Center right now. I'm not sure they realize it yet. Uh we have a family friend who her boyfriend is either in rookie school, just finished.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

No, he's not graduated yet.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Okay. Um in Florida, and he he doesn't understand it yet, I'm sure. Until you start the shift work and you start realizing how how many holidays, how many birthdays, how many anniversaries, how many other events and special days you miss when you have kids or when you become married and you realize you miss a third of everything. If the toilet clogs up or the car breaks down, or you lock yourself out of the house, it always happens when we're at the station, every single time. Sometimes we drive ourselves to the station and take your car keys with us on Mother's Day. Sometimes that happens. True. Not good. So speaking of sacrifices, most people only think of the sacrifices of the firefighter. What does that look like? A little more in-depth than what we just talked about, but what does that look like from your side? From the family side?

SPEAKER_00 6:28

From the wife side, um, it's handling everything, like you said. It's if something bad's gonna happen, it's gonna happen on shift day. Um whether that's a car breaking down or our kids getting stranded or someone hurt or anything, it it's always gonna be on a shift day. And um so it's learning how to do that because when you're little and you're thinking of what it's gonna be like when you're getting married, you think you're gonna be a team. And knowing that that's what we had prior to this uh job. Um it was just learning how to be independent and be able to be mom and dad, caregiver, whatever every third day.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

What about the kids? What um what what do they experience that most people don't see?

SPEAKER_00 7:34

I think fire kids learned what it means to sacrifice earlier than most other children and that they learn what it means to um put others first. And while they would love to have you at every dinner and birthday party and holiday, they understand that this is needed for the community.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

So I know I'm asking you a lot of questions, but I really I want to pick your brain because I feel like nobody ever does it from this side. So I think this is a rare opportunity to look at the whole other side of the ball. This is a hard question for me to ask. I know the answer. Um, and I I would say I'm 12 years in, I'm 45 years old, and I feel like within the last year things have started to click a little different. But I'll ask the question, let you answer, and then we'll talk some more about it because I think this is a huge deal that new people need to understand. But are there times where it feels like the job comes before the family?

SPEAKER_00 8:46

Yes. 100% because it can be um that I mean I can handle it if the girls are sick or whatever, but there's times where I'm sick or I need you. And it feels like you uh that's your career that you run to save others, to help others in their time of need. And there's been many occasions where I felt like we weren't we needed you and you were off helping some stranger. I know that sounds bad, but I get it.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

I mentioned at the very beginning of this that the co-host that was supposed to be here today had a family issue and it had to be handled. And it sometimes that throws a kink in our plans. It messes up what we what we have laid out and the way that we want things to go. But I also said that that's okay because I mentioned with my years of service and the age I'm at now, I spent years at the station when I didn't have to be, whether it was instructing, uh doing things on my off days. Um and you feel like fire service or not, you you feel like you're roped into this position and you give it everything you have and you learn every aspect of it that you can. But and then you you start feeling like, and this sounds bad too. You start feeling feeling like you're really making an impact on the department. You give up all of this time that go that you should be devoting to your family, and then when you get some years behind you, you realize if you leave, they'll replace you tomorrow. And that's not to say that I'm not proud of my job and I don't love my department. I do, but um family should always come before everything else, and it has not always in my career. There's been lots of times the department has come first. And I just think I'm to the point now where I'm starting to see that, and I'm looking back on how much of my marriage and how much of my kids' lives I've missed that I won't get back. Uh, so that plays a huge part. So I think the importance of someone new understanding that is paramount because we have to devote ourselves to the fire service to stay safe, to learn our jobs, to learn what is expected, and to do it the right way, and there's a balance. There's a line that that needs to be drawn uh where we do that and we we do devote ourselves, but it's not our top priority. We have our three priorities, our tactical priorities. Number one is life safety, number two is property conservation, number three is instant stabilization. We should have priorities for everything that we do, and families should come far above our careers. So we'll move on. I I think this is something firefighters don't always talk about. We did our first episode on mental and emotional health, and I think we uncovered um a lot of stressors and a lot of ways to cope with those, but we don't always talk about this. But how would you deal with the stress of knowing what we might be going on? And I think this is heightened with services like Life 360. Because used to, we run the calls, and then I came home and I said, hey, we run seven calls or we run 12 calls or whatever it was, and that was it. But now you know where I'm at all the time. So how do you deal with that stress of knowing we're running something, but not necessarily knowing what?

SPEAKER_00 12:58

I mean, there's there's definitely a level of stress to knowing that you're on a call and probably the worst thing is like the Facebook pages and pitch people sharing pictures of a fire or a wreck or some kind of um like really traumatic scene and knowing that you're there or or what's probably the worst is when somebody texts you and says, Where's Derek at? Have you talked to Derek? And um and lots of times like I'm so busy doing everything else for the girls that I I hadn't realized it at that moment. And I I guess it's um I try not to let my mind go there or um like worry about the details and trust that you're okay and that you're gonna call us. Um if I sit there and focus on that, it just gets overwhelming and then my anxiety goes crazy. And but yeah, we live 360 doesn't help because it'll be two in the morning and and uh here at Dingon that you just completed a drive, so that probably makes it worse.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

I understand that. I know there's been lots of times that we have had a structure fire or a traumatic call of some sort. And when we get done, I get back in the engine, you will have to text me at some point, you know, thinking about you or whatever. And it's because it's already hit Facebook. We hadn't even went back in service yet, and it's already on Facebook. So, like I said, I think that's something that firefighters don't always realize is yeah, we're stressed. We're physically stressed and mentally and emotionally, and we have all these things going on, but um, the ones at home are stressed too. If you're not married and if you don't have kids, somebody is worried about you. Maybe it's your parents or your siblings or whatever the case may be, but we all have somebody at home worried about us. And and they don't always have the details. Uh there's a there's a fine line between shielding your family from information, and I don't come home and talk about every detail of everything. Because, you know, in my mind I I want to shield them from what I can. But we have this thing where anytime somebody tells us a story, or even if we we read a story from a book, we start making this movie in our head. If we don't have a detail, our mind pieces together a detail. Whether it's right or wrong, whatever the case may be, the details get filled in. Sometimes we we make them up ourselves in our head because that little hole in the story needs to be filled. So I have become more open with sharing information with you, not necessarily the kids, but in a way to alleviate some of that. We're we build those details in, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

Well, I can't speak for other wives or other firefighters, but y'all think you you've hit it, you think you come home and you you have it, you don't have to share it, but we know. And it's better in my case, it's better for you just to tell me like whatever because like you said, I'm gonna make it up in my head. I can handle the truth. Just shoot it to me straight.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Okay, I will. What with all of this and this is really awesome information. I'm so glad that you agreed to do this. I think it's needed. What would you say to another firewife just starting out?

SPEAKER_00 16:55

To a new one?

SPEAKER_01 16:56

To a new firewife whose husband had a different career, and right now he's in recruit school and she doesn't know what she's in for. Of course she has supported him in his career change and in what he wants to do. But from a reality side, she doesn't understand what she's in for either. What would you say to her or what information do you feel like would benefit her the most?

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Um honestly trusting God with what you can't control. And um I guess just giving yourself grace because um your world's about to change. And um It's okay if it feels hard, because it is. And um and find your own support team and and friends that will let you lean on them and and help you. And um yeah, just trust in God and rely on your faith, I would say, is the most important.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

And it and finding friends to lean on, do you think it is better to lean on other firewives that have a like understanding or people who have n no connection to the fire service at all?

SPEAKER_00 18:21

I have it both ways. I have some that are firewives and we can sit down and we totally um get what each other is feeling or going through or dealing with or whatever. And they I know that they have my back. Like if you were on shift and I needed them, all I have to do is text them. But then I have friends that aren't and and it's kind of nice to have I guess that normal friendship that no they don't always get it, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

I get it. There's a balance. This whole episode so far we've talked about that balance, and I think we we need it from both sides.

SPEAKER_00 19:09

Yeah, like I I don't I would wouldn't want to only have fire friends, like wives. It it's hard to explain.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

So I get that there has to be a balance there. Um we need that from all sides, whether we're in the fire service or we're married to a firefighter or whatever the case may be. It's all about that balance. So you've seen me in my current job for about twelve years, a little over twelve years. Have you seen changes in me over time? We kind of touched on this a little bit earlier.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Yeah, like the girls and I like to make fun of you because we call you like a fun sponge or a fuddy dud because you see the danger in everything. And before you were right there with us, goofing off, riding rides, doing whatever. And now I think no matter the situation, whether it is is something as simple as the girls riding their bike down a hill, like you in your mind you're already screaming, stop, you don't have a helmet on, you're gonna hit the brick wall, you're gonna do this. And you forget that you did the same thing as a kid and you're you're you're good, you turned out okay. And sometimes um I don't know. That that that's a huge thing, and also um just not your personality, but um it's almost like I can see the weight on your shoulders. And the way that you carry it and the way that um you feel like it's your responsibility to to protect us from it or to help another firefighter out or whatever it may be, you just don't take care of yourself because you're worried about everybody else.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

I can see that. I think with the if we go to a a theme park, I think with the always seeing the danger is just because we've run so many calls that have involved anything you can imagine. We don't want to see that to our own kids, or we don't want to see that to anybody. So we try to prevent it.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

I know, but then you take the fun out of living. Like there's gonna be accidents.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

There is. That's what made us 80 kids tough.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

I'm barely an 80s kid.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

So what's something that you have noticed about me that I didn't even realize about myself?

SPEAKER_00 21:49

I mean, I feel like I can tell immediately the girls pick up on it, but like um you just Start pulling back, or you're very quiet, and um everyone knows Derek talks all the time. It it doesn't matter if it's a stranger or whatever, and then you come in our house after a shift and you're you're quiet or you're just um with you I can tell with music. And if you don't sit down at the piano or pick up a guitar in a couple days that's your that's your sign.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

I didn't realize that.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

I've always known it. And like if you I've I've talked about some of this to other people and and I say that, like it's been six days since he sat down on the piano. And I think that's your stress reliever and that's your um moment of peace. And um it may not start off like big things, but it's the little things and they add up. And it's just you're not a uh snippy person, like when you start getting a little bit short or um just quiet. Then we know. And you don't hide it as well as you think you do. I guess I don't I think all fire firefighters need to understand that their family notices it. Like and I'm sure that that's somewhere like where you've said it before, concealed on feel. Like if you're really if you really know your your spouse or your parent and our kids do because they do because not only are we a a fire family, we're a homeschool family. So we're constantly together, all of us. And it's they just pick up on it. And it's I think it's I don't think you need to tell the children. I don't think that kids need to know um every detail, but there needs to be a way that you approach them and you make them understand a little bit better than just, oh, daddy had a bad shift. Let's not let's not bother him.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

Yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

I don't think that's healthy for them.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

I don't think it is either because we go right back to building those, building in those details.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

Mm-hmm. Um and they want to help. The kids want to help. We have them from twelve to twenty-two. They want to help, they want to do something that makes your day easier, but when you just conceal it all or push it down, it's not helping you and it's not helping them.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

That's very true. I mean, that is about as real as it gets. I told you to be honest. That's what we want. Alright, we've hit some very real stuff. And it has been awesome. Let's lighten it up just a little bit. We'll do this like rapid fire style. What's the what's the most quote firefighter thing I do at home?

SPEAKER_00 25:33

It's not something you do, it's well like backing into spaces that that drives me insane. Um I don't know, it's the sunglasses and the mustache. Like if you've got like I can pick a firefighter out of a crowd if they've got on this one style of sunglasses, and then the mustache is a giveaway, but probably the backing in are always sitting when we go in a restaurant so you can see the door.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

Okay. Well, let's follow that one up with what do we do that drives y'all crazy? You kind of just answer that.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

Drive that drives me crazy. I'm not speaking for others.

SPEAKER_01 26:16

Well, let's move on then. We won't harp on that one. What do the kids say about having a firefighter for a daddy?

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Um I I mean they're proud of you. They're they think it's cool, I think. But then I guess in the beginning it was cool. It was something neat and interesting, and now it's just like well, like at field trips with our youngest when we would go to the fire station with our co-op groups, she was so disappointed because she sees the fire trucks and she like that was not interesting to her. Like it's cool at first.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Yeah, she wanted to go see the police car.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

She did. She was so excited.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

What a disappointment. I know when the if they do come by the station now, like no nobody goes and plays on the trucks, like it's not a big deal. It's just another day.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

Like if we're at the park or something, and all the other kids are like freaking out because there comes the fire truck. Our kids don't even look up.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Yeah. So we do this thing, and all firefighters or firefighter families may do it. And we just call it fend for yourself. Because at the station sometimes we we just fin for ourselves for lunch or whatever. It's not a big deal. So we do it at home sometimes, and it may be, you know, leftovers or something that's in the freezer or whatever. Everybody just kind of fends for themselves and we we do our supper and that's it. And I thought it was just a us thing. And my daughter went to work one day and she worked with a girl whose daddy was a fireman. And they did the same thing. She mentioned the Fend for Yourself meals, and she said, Oh, y'all do that too. So it must be a fire service thing.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Well, like, I didn't realize you are here when we do fin for ourselves. Like, that's kind of news to me.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Sometimes, yeah, I've been here.

SPEAKER_00 28:26

But more times than not, it's when you're on shift and I'm exhausted and we've all had long days and and I'm like, Finn for yourself. I don't care if you eat cereal or ice cream cake. I don't care.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

That's funny. All right. Best part of being a firewife. Other than having a super amazing firefighter husband.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

The best part for me is watching you live out your calling. I know that that's what you feel like you were made to do besides being a girl dad. And that's the best part. It's still the hardest part, but it's the best.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

It is a calling. You can get a job anywhere, and I don't think everybody is cut out for it. Every family is not cut out for it. No.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

And and we've talked about this. It works for us, and it's just what you were meant to be and to do. I would never want my children as a mama of four girls. I I wouldn't want this lifestyle for them.

SPEAKER_01 29:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

Because you have to be independent, you have to be willing to to do life alone.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

That's true. And if you wonder if this is really what you're supposed to be doing, and if you were wondering, is it right for you and is it right for your family? With we do a 24 on 48-hour schedule. And it causes me to have a set schedule, because everything is based off shift day. But it also causes y'all to have your schedule. And things interrupt that, things come up, things change, and it affects y'all's schedule. But if you've wondered if it's a right fit for everybody, take two weeks off and stay home for two weeks. And if it doesn't go well and she's ready for you to go back to work, then it's probably okay. Everybody's good for the fire service. That's what we did. Last year I took two weeks off and we went on a trip and we come back early and we did some things around the house and stuff. And after a while, it's just okay, it's time to go back to work because everybody's schedule is off. We're not getting stuff done. It affects everything.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

That's true. I I like to get things done. I'm a early riser and I have my list. And by far, I do twice the amount of work on your shift days. Like I plan to be busy on your shift days because I don't have another choice. It's just me. But when you're home, things are a little different.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

I work hard and spurts.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

That is a fire thing. Like you didn't do that until you went to the fire station.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

Well, you go work really hard and then you have to rehab.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

No, you think you need a break after everything, and it it drives me insane because I don't take breaks, and you need a break from your break.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

That's a shot across the bow. I'll allow it.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

It's true.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

What's one word you would use to describe this whole lifestyle that we have?

SPEAKER_00 32:02

I don't know if I can't put it in one word. I'm just saying like it's unique. There's um there's pride in it. Like we're proud of you and um and your sacrifice and your commitment to this job, but it's I mean there there's just too many. It's you can't condense it to one word.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

I know this has just been question after question, but I really, like I said, I wanted to pick your brain and get your side of this. One more question for you. What's one thing that firefighters should never forget about home?

SPEAKER_00 32:43

That home is your safe place. That it's your home base, and you you can come home and you can let your guard down and you can just rest and and not have to worry. That everybody at home wants the best for you and wants you healthy and happy. I think what f f fire families would like for y'all to do is when you come home, is to be present, not just in body, but lay your phones down.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

That's what we need.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

And um and just be here in every sense of the word.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

So we spent a lot of time today talking about what happens on the truck and the cause, the fire ground, what we see and what we deal with on a shift-by-shift basis. But this is what makes all of that possible. Like without our families, we couldn't do anything. And we mentioned it earlier, but there's all these awards for Firefighter of the Year and Rookie of the Year and Life Saving Awards and Officer of the Year and all these awards, there's nothing for the family. They're just behind the scenes, silent, lots of times, no recognition. But none of it would be possible without y'all's support. And speaking for myself, like there's there's no way I can tell you how much I appreciate that. And there's never been a time that I've dealt with something hard and come home and you wasn't ready to help me through that. And that means everything to me. Lots of times we want to just stick to our our close circle. And we don't let anything out, we don't let anybody in. We just keep it to those those few people. But your families are there for you. You have to lean on them. Um I I think every single thing we've talked about today has been perfect and needed and beneficial. Um, it's job, this job doesn't just affect us, it affects our whole family. They say when you get married, you marry your spouse's family. It's kind of the same way. When we accept this job, it's not just about us, it affects everybody. Um affects our families way more than we even realize. Uh long shifts, missed time, we talked about the holidays and the birthdays and all of that, and it it puts stress on everybody. That never really gets talked about, never really gets brought up or recognized. But when everything is falling apart, y'all are always still there holding everything together and supporting us, even if we're not easy to support. I appreciate you coming on more than you know. Like I said, my best friend. We've been married and been together a long time. I appreciate you coming on and doing this. I know it was a big thing. You were really nervous.

SPEAKER_00 36:15

Please don't ask me again.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

We'll see. We'll talk about it. To everyone listening, take care of yourself, take care of your crew, but don't forget to take care of the people waiting on you at home. At the end of the day, that's what matters the most. Until next time, stay safe. Take care of your crew, take care of your family.