The First Year - What I Thought vs What It Was

Before we get into this episode, we want to take a moment to support one of our own. Retired Battalion Chief Chad Hendrix dedicated 31 years to the fire service. Just one week after retirement, Chad was diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer. He now faces a long and difficult road ahead. A fundraiser has been started to help Chad and his wife Amanda with the financial burden that comes with treatment and recovery. Andrew Denmon is also taking orders for a specially designed T-shirt to support them. If you’re able, please consider helping in any way you can. A link to order and support will be in the description below. Most importantly, keep Chad and Amanda in your thoughts and prayers.

In Episode 6 of Wind The Q, Lt. Dodson sits down with FF Hollis for a real and unfiltered conversation about the first year in the fire service. This episode breaks down the difference between what you thought the job would be and what it actually is once you’re in it. From the expectations going into the academy, to the realities of life on the truck, Hollis shares what surprised him, what challenged him, and what ultimately shaped him during that first year.

This isn’t a highlight reel—it’s the truth about learning the job, earning your place, and adjusting to the pace, pressure, and culture of the fire service. Whether you’re a recruit, a first-year firefighter, or a seasoned member reflecting back on where you started, this episode will hit home.

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This episode Includes dynamic content. If you feel impressed to help support the show, follow the link below. If not, please continue to like, share, follow, and subscribe for more great content!

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2605628/support

This episode Includes dynamic content. If you feel impressed to help support the show, follow the link below. If not, please continue to like, share, follow, and subscribe for more great content!

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2605628/support

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Before we get into today's episode, I want to take a minute to recognize one of our own retired battalion chief Chad Hendricks. Chad had thirty-one years in the fire service. And just one week after retiring, Chad was diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer. He's got a long road ahead of him. And there's a fundraiser that's been started to help Chad and Amanda with the expenses that come with that. Andrew Denman, who served alongside Chad with EMS for years, is taking orders for a specially designed t-shirt to support them. I'll have all that linked in the show notes in the description. If you're able, please support them. And more importantly, keep Chad and Amanda in your thoughts and prayers. All right, let's get to it. Everybody thinks they know what this job is. That is until they get here. You go through school, you learn the skills, and you check all the boxes. You pass the test, and then you graduate. And somewhere along the way you start thinking, alright, I'm ready. Let's do this. Then you show up on your first shift, you walk through the door, and you realize really quick that you're not ready. Not because you didn't try, not because you didn't learn anything, but because there's a difference between being trained and being in it. Nobody really explains that part. They don't explain what it feels like to walk into a station for the first time and to know everybody is watching you. They don't explain how fast you figure out what you don't know. Or how quickly you go from feeling confident to just trying to not mess something up. And the truth is, every firefighter goes through it. Some just handle it better than others. So today we're talking about that first year. What you thought it was gonna be. And today we're talking about something every firefighter goes through and not everybody talks about. That's your first year. What you thought it was gonna be like versus what it actually is like. I've got Firefighter Hollis with me today. Hollis, I appreciate you coming on. Go ahead and introduce yourself. Tell us a little bit about your experience in the fire service.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Yeah, man, it's uh it's awesome to be here. Uh like uh like Lieutenant Dyson here said, you know, I'm I'm Firefighter Hollis. I've only been working with uh my department for uh a little over a year now. Um so I'm still pretty still pretty fresh, uh still pretty green. So but yeah, man, it's awesome to be here. I appreciate it. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Before we ever get to that first day, even before our first shift, before we walk into the station for that first time, we build this picture in our head of what we think this job is gonna be like. And it's not that that picture's wrong, it's just it's not the full picture, it's not complete. Um you think about all the calls and the trucks and the skills and everything that you learn through rookie school and all of that time, and you start putting things together like, all right, that's so this is this is how this job's gonna go. But there's a difference between understanding something and actually being good at it. And we see that every shift. People understand things, but that doesn't mean they're good at it. Leaders understand concepts. But that doesn't mean they project it the right way. Uh so that's from firefighter to chief, that's that's the real deal. Um I think that's where it shifts for a lot of people because you don't really realize that until you get to that point. It's the fact that the job is bigger than just the calls, it's the people and the expectations and living the third day with them and the environment and the pace of the job and going from doing nothing to this atrocity of a call in two or three minutes, and everything changes from the second the tone drops. Uh all the stuff nobody can really teach you ahead of time. So before you ever stepped into that first shift, and I'm pretty sure I remember your first shift. Yeah. Um, but before you ever stepped into that first shift, what did you think this job was gonna be?

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Um, I remember when uh because a little backstory, me and my wife, uh, we were living uh in Mississippi at the time, and I'd worked for uh a pretty popular cell phone company um doing sales for them, and it and it just wasn't working out too well for us. And uh or at least it I mean it was working out well as far as financially, but as far as mentally, it was uh it was pretty rough. And uh my wife, she was like, you know, I'm I'm missing home real bad. And and I I had visited, you know, up here in in Georgia a couple of times and uh I I liked it. I mean, it was a lot bigger city than what I was used to when I was growing up and stuff, and uh but I've always liked it, so I was like, you know what, let's do it. If you if you want to move back home, let's move back home. And uh so we started looking for jobs, and and luckily her mom was able to uh uh get her into a position pretty quickly so that we weren't, you know, struggling as far as money goes. And well her mom also was like, hey, you know, the fire department, they're hiring, uh, they got some applications open, and I was like, you know, what? Like, I don't I don't I've never thought about being a firefighter. Like it has never crossed my mind. And uh at first I was like, nah, that's just that's just not I don't think that's the path that you know God's calling me to go. And um so time went on, we were getting stuff kind of ready to start moving and and whatnot, and it just kept kind of like bugging me. And I'd I'd pull up the application on the on the website and I'd look at it, and I was like, man, what if I did? Like, what if I just threw, you know, a resume at it just to see see what happened? And I went from having this mindset of like, man, that just doesn't sound like me to like I started getting excited about it. And uh and I knew then I was like, man, this is this is this is the path that you know God's calling me to go. And uh so I sent my application in, I didn't think anything too much about it, wasn't sure if I was even gonna hear anything back. And uh and I did, I got an email giving me some dates to, you know, come do my CPAT, and uh that was the first thing. And so we moved here in uh October of 24, and uh October the first, and my CPAT date, it was on the 14th, I believe. Um, and I had no idea. Like I looked up some videos and stuff, and I get out there to the training center, and it looks nothing like the videos I saw on YouTube, and I mean there is I think there was like 90 folks out there trying out for the doing the CPAT, and I'm like, this is crazy, like this is a lot, and uh and I was one of the last groups to go because they they split it up into two days, and I was on the second day, and and everybody's already talking about like man, we've had a lot of people fail. Like we've had a lot of people not complete the course at all. And I'm sitting there like, Wow, I feel like I'm a pretty fit guy, and and you know, I like going to the gym and I look around like shoot, all these other guys, you know, they look pretty fit, they look like they go to the gym. And so I'm watching people, you know, they start their course and then they go behind this thing, they got this huge tower out there, it's like four stories, it's real cool, whole bunch of stuff in it. And uh they go around it, they do the first like two or three obstacles, no problem. And I'm like, well, maybe it ain't that bad. You know, maybe maybe they're just you know making a big deal out of getting me all worked up. And then I see, I see them go around the tower, next thing I know, they're getting escorted back over to the waiting station, and they're like, Yeah, you know, you didn't pass. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And it's just person after person after person, and there's people talking to me, they're like, Yeah, well, I'm already a firefighter at, you know, so-and-so department, or I, you know, I've been with the fire department, you know, for so-and-so years, and then they go and take their turn and they're coming back, and I'm like, oh my goodness. I'm like, what am I about to do? And so I, you know, I get suited up and they and they put, you know, the gear and stuff on you, and and I knock out the first three uh obstacles, and I walk around the tower, and I'm like, what is waiting for me behind here? And it's this big old dummy.

unknown 9:17

The hard stuff.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Yeah, it's the hard stuff. And buddy was it. Like it, like I I was able to push through the first part and uh I was able to drag the dummy and do all that other stuff. Well, they had this uh I think it was a two and a half inch uh hose line charged. It may have an inch and three quarter, yeah. Inch and three-quarter uh charged hose line, and they were like, well, look, hey, all you gotta do is just pull it down there, pass that uh that little mark on the concrete. But it's a long pull. And it's a long pull. Well, I didn't know that there was a technique to it at the time because I learned later that you're supposed to grab the nozzle and grab a loop and makes it way easier. Well, me trying to be gung-ho, I just grab the nozzle and I take off. Well, the first 25 yards, I'm like, this is a breeze. Well, the guy that was walking with me, he was like, All right, he said, Look, you're about to have to bear down because this is about to get heavy fast. And about as soon as he got that out of his mouth, that that uh hose line, it stood me up. And I lost all momentum. Yeah and I was and I started pulling back and I started gaining momentum, and I mean I was probably maybe three or four feet away from that little that little mark in the concrete, and I was not moving an inch, and I was like, I'm about to fail this freaking seat pat. And I was like, nah, no, I I ain't about to no, I I ain't walking back to that tent. And so, I mean, I just dug deep and and uh I swear it felt like my nose was inches from the ground. I was getting so I put it in four low and just went.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

I you don't see very many people get to three or four feet shy of that mark and stop and ever finish. Yeah it's it's too much. You've gotten 96 feet behind you charged to get moving again.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

It's tough. Man, I I I like it. I bared down, I I got it over to that that mark, and I was like, all right, I think I got the rest of it, and and luckily I did. Um my time wasn't anything to anything to gawk at, that's for sure. But um after that, man, it was you know, we did our test and and and then we did our round of um uh interviews and stuff, and and I was like, well man, at this point I'm just I gotta leave up to God, you know. And uh I got that call back and they were like, man, we'd we'd love to have you and I and I was like, man, that is that is a like a prayer answered a blessing. And then I'm thinking, well, that was the hardest part.

unknown 11:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

And little did I know that that was the very tip of the iceberg. As far as physically? Maybe maybe. Maybe physically, but but then the mentally, the mental part of it and and uh even the spiritual, you know, part of it, it's uh emotionally, like it was nothing. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

It's it's a lot. I I started the same way. I was in construction for years, and um I got to the point where I really wanted to come to the fire service. But I had kids and I was locked into this job, I'd been there for years, and I knew if I didn't do it right now, like I wasn't gonna do it. I'd be stuck at where I was at. And um put in, went through the process and got it. And uh I think I was 32 then. Uh so it's yeah, it was hard. But I remember you talked about being just short of that mark pulling that charge line. It was during rookie school, so it was a little bit later, but I remember getting to a point, we were doing connex maze, and I remember getting to the point where I was hung up between some rafters in the ceiling, couldn't move, I was running out of air, it's a control environment. But I had to make a decision in that moment, like, do I quit and go back to what I was doing? Because it's so much easier than this. Or do I keep pushing? And I kept pushing and finished it. But I think everybody at some point reaches a wall where you have to decide how bad do you want it. And it may be during the CPAT, it may be later during rookie school, or it may be on a call later, but you've got to decide, all right, how bad do I want this? And that determines I think it determines if you need to actually be here or not.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

It really does. I I'd agree. Because I mean, I I like I was saying, like when I got done with the whole the CPAT and the hiring the hiring process and stuff, I thought that you know, I didn't I I didn't even know rookie school was a thing. Yeah. Like I didn't know, I thought they were just gonna, you know, keep me at the station, show me the ropes at the station, and you know, that's just how it went. And, you know, next thing I know, they're like, oh well now y'all are going to rookie school for 10 weeks. And I'm like, what? Like nobody said anything about that? I was like, oh, oh, well that's uh I was like, all right, well, that's cool. Uh and and we got down there to rookie school, and that's when that's when it was really like physically demanding uh uh mentally, emotionally. Um because I mean I I mean I went from being able to come home every night and crawl in bed with my wife and hang out with her to, you know, I'm gone for the whole week. And then I only get to see her on the weekends, and then there's some weekends she's working. So I mean there's there's weekends where I'd come back from rookie school and I didn't even get to see her, and next thing I know I'm headed back Sunday night. And uh so I mean it was it was tough on not only me but her as well, you know, me not being home and uh and there was a few days in in rookie school where I was like, man, this like I really just wish I was home with my wife right now. And but I was like, you know, this is like this this is only for a moment, it's only for a season, it's necessary, and uh and if I can just get through it, you know, not only am I gonna be a a better person for it, but also get to keep my job. Uh and I was like, and then, you know, I I think my wife would be so proud of me. And and so just those thoughts of of of uh of her being proud of me and and um just becoming something more than myself, it just it kept pushing me through because I kind of had the same little like I I found out real fast come I think it was like week four when we started doing uh confined space training and stuff, I found out real fast that I did not like confined spaces. And uh and I had I had some moments where I was I I literally uh the funniest part uh of rookie school was uh every time we got ready to go do a confined space training uh simulation or test out or whatever, I would uh I'd pray I'd pray to God, I'd say, Lord, just turn me into a lizard. And he did, you know, I got I got through it and and everything and I still I still ain't uh a fan of confined space training, but but uh but I can do it more confidently now, you know, knowing just how my gear moves and how how big I am and what I can and can't do as far as getting in and out of spaces. So it's just one of those things, and I mean it just it circles back to yeah, I mean I ha I honestly had no idea what to expect. Yeah. Because every time I got to a point where I was like, oh, well, this is how this job's gonna be, something else had happened, and I'm like, never mind, I have no idea again.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

I know what you just mentioned something, and we talked I talked about it in episode four. Um say you're a firefighter without saying you're a firefighter, but I mentioned in it, you know, somebody stops by the station and we're chilling out, but we're in a full gear breathing air, and we're doing whatever. It's all about acclimation and learning what your gear will do for you. And that's a another huge thing. That's kind of where I was at in the connects during rookie school, is I'm still in that process of learning, all right, this is gonna protect me, that's what it's made for. You know, and I've got this air pack on and I'm good. They can get me out of here at any point, but it's all mental. Yeah, it's working through that mental stuff and knowing that you are okay, you just gotta keep moving. So, yeah. So, good stuff. That's that's kind of how you got started, and and that's how a lot of people come into it, I think. They they have this picture of what they've seen on TV or whatever it is, you know, you don't never know the whole story, but um nobody ever sits down and says, like, hey, this is what it's gonna feel like, this is what you're gonna go through, this is what you're gonna have to deal with. Every time you get something figured out, something new's gonna slap you in the face, like you said a while ago. Uh, but that's the way it is. So I so was there a moment that all of the things we just talked about kind of hit you?

SPEAKER_00 18:32

So i yeah, I mean, honestly, it was it was uh the first shift that you know I I got out of graduation or I I graduated from the fire academy, we went through some some uh basic training stuff at the station, and finally we get put on the truck. And my first shift was a Monday. And if if I don't know how other departments do, but our department on Mondays you do your full truck checkoff. I mean you you you take everything off of it, you make sure it's clean, you make sure it's working right, make sure if it needs fuel in it, it's got fuel in it. If it needs, you know, if there's screws loose, those need to be tightened. And you do it for every single uh truck that you have in the bay. Yeah, everything. Everything. Like that you don't leave anything unchecked. And uh I remember I remember I'm, you know, the morning, I'm scared to death. You know, I I don't know anybody, I don't know any of these guys on this shift, you know. I I I saw a few of them just passing by and and whatnot, and I don't really know anybody's name. Well, uh there's there's one guy there, me and him share the same first name, and uh and and we're setting up the uh the tower, and I'm man, I'm like, this is the coolest thing ever. Like, I'm like, man, like and uh well so I walk up to this guy and you know I knew his first name and I was like I was like man, you know, it's it's nice to meet a fellow Adam. And uh I went out to shake his hand and he was like, he was like, Don't touch me. I don't know you. And I and man, he it and he may have dropped some some other choice words in there with that, but but I was like, oh snap. Like it's yeah, I was like, man, this isn't I was like, there's like it doesn't matter what it does not matter what I did in rookie school. Like it doesn't matter what I did on a CPAT, like I because I mean e I mean at rookie school, man, I I went out there and uh ended up, you know, finishing uh as a class lead, you know. I was over I think we graduated with 30, 31. And I mean I was I I mean I was over all of them. I ended up getting some big cool award and uh and I thought I was hot, hot stuff. But once you graduate, nobody cares. Exactly. Exactly. You know, you get you get a couple pass on the back from admin, and uh and it and it turns out that uh not too many care not too many people care what admin think. So and and then it turns out you know that that only lasts for a little bit and then you get that you get on a truck, you get on a crew, and they don't care what you did at rookie school. And uh and so for you for me to go out there and be like, oh, you know, I'm I'll I'll try to be, you know, uh a nice guy and you know introduce myself and and this guy don't even care for the introduction or nothing. And I was like, wow. I was like, man, that's uh that's what a way to start this, you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

And and what's funny though is that's not really him at all. That was at all. Like to that was first day stuff.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

That was just first day like at work, like that's it was it looking back on it now, it's funny. Look, but at the in the moment I was like, oh no. Yeah. I may have messed up. Like I may have chose the wrong profession.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

That's the part that a lot of people don't expect about this. Um and it's not that you didn't learn anything in rookie school. Like we said a while ago, once you get to that first day and you walk in the station and you have interactions like that, it's not that we think, well, he didn't learn nothing in rookie school. This guy's still green as he can be. It's just the job moves so fast. Things change so fast. And even though rookie school is awesome, there's still some things being taught that you know it's outdated. Things have moved past that. Things have progressed and uh got better. And um I think you you understand that once you're on the truck and you're actually seeing how things work. Um so there's there's a difference there. So I think you I think you spend that first little bit just trying to catch up and figure out people, you know, like the other Adam. Yeah. Trying to figure out how people take you and how you need to take them and still trying to perform and be a good worker and all that stuff. Um like I said, that's where it starts to change for people, but um it's where you learn it's it's not so much about what you know, but how you carry yourself. Mm-hmm. All right, so there's a moment that's usually pretty early where everything shifts. You walk in that first day, everything that felt familiar up to this point doesn't feel familiar anymore. It's the same jobs, the same skills, it's just a different environment. Uh and I think that's what throws people off. You realize how quick you're the new guy. You've gone through rookie school and like you you talked about finishing top your class, and you've built this rapport and this relationship with all the people in rookie school. And you feel like through that process you've become somewhat of a veteran through that rookie process, and then all of a sudden, bam, you're on the truck, and you're the newest of the new green guy. Yeah. Uh like the rug gets fluff out from underneath. Totally, yeah, totally different. Yeah. Different set of expectations. Nobody's nobody's really, I don't know, this is a two-edged sword. Nobody's telling you what to do, but in another sense, they're telling you everything to do, if that makes any sense at all. Um it's weird because we want to figure out what you know and what you learn. So we we try to let you do it on your own for a while, but of course, if there's things that need to be said, then we do that also. But um at a minimum, everybody's watching you, and they're trying to figure out where you stand, what you know, you know. Um for you, from that perspective, you know, you're trying to figure out where everything's at. And me and Captain Swansea talked about this in the last episode. Even if you're in a sergeant position and you get promoted to lieutenant, there's still a period where lieutenant the captain or whatever the case is, there's still a period where even though I've been at this department for eight years or ten years or whatever the case may be, I move into this new role with new expectations and new responsibilities, and I still have to take time to figure out where all that comes together. Yeah. And it's even, you know, it's magnified as a brand new guy coming on a truck. You're trying to figure out where things are and what's expected and how the day goes. And you come in on a Monday, which is usually the biggest day of the week or busiest, and there's so much stuff going on. A lot of times we do all of this truck stuff, and we also may have a pub ed event that same morning, or we're hose testing, or we're doing whatever. Uh, Mondays are usually a really, really busy day, especially for a first day coming in. Yeah. Uh so you're doing all that and you're trying to not look like you're lost as last year's Easter egg. I mean, that's what it feels like. Yeah, you want to look like you want to impress everybody, but you're kind of wandering around thinking, what the crap am I supposed to be doing? Yeah. So my first day was on a Sunday. So I had always, you know, like I said, I worked in construction and stuff, and if you're not moving and you're not doing something, you're not making money and you're not making progress. Well, Saturdays and Sundays are chill days. Nothing on schedule. You know, we run calls, that's pretty much it. Well, I come in on Sunday and it's a super slow Sunday. And like I remember I went to the bathroom five times. Like we ended up running a fire alarm late, late in the day, but we watched TV all day. Like that was it was it was the weirdest thing ever. And then your very next shift is middle of the week and you're wide open. It's it's a huge contrast. So Mondays and Sundays are not the best day to start.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

No, it and man, that that first shift is just like I said, I mean, I came in and it's a Monday, and I mean I didn't I didn't really know at the time that we were that the whole Monday is is is a I mean, because it's not just truck checks, you know, you're sitting there, you gotta check off your generators, you gotta check off all your school cars, you know, you gotta make sure everything around the stations looking good too. You gotta wash the bay floors. I didn't even know that was a thing.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Like I ha like I remember they said, all right, well, after lunch, we're gonna go wash the bay floors. And I'm like, what how do you wash a how do you how do you wash a bay floor? With a mop. Well I found out fast. Like you know, you know, I found out real quick how you how you wash a bay floor and um I well oddly enough, that's probably one of the most therapeutic parts of Monday is is washing the bay floor because it it feels like you know you're just getting it, you're checking everything off, and then and then finally, man, I love like squeegeeing the water into the drain, man. That's that's pretty uh satisfying. Like it's it's it's pretty therapeutic.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

It can be, and and that kind of marks or it did for me anyway. Like that marks the end of that Monday. Yeah. I mean, you have run all day long doing all this stuff, and the shifts leading up to a Monday, sometimes you can dread it because it's just so much. But doing bay floors and squeegeeing kind of marks the end of that super busy day. So it you know, yeah, I get that. Um something else that hits people early is the culture. Uh and it's not something that that you can explain ahead of time. Um every station is different, every crew is different. We've mentioned this before. If you catch overtime or you work a swap and you end up on a different shift, it seems like it really shows up at supper time. Yeah. Uh but how it can all like all these crews and these shifts work for the exact same department. But they're so different in how they operate is amazing. It's kind of a culture shock. It is. To go from one shift to the other. Yeah, it absolutely it is. Um expectations are way different and leadership styles tremendously different. What is expected from a from the officer. It's it's it's crazy. Um expect expectations may not always even be talked about, but usually they're pretty clear. Um however, sometimes the expectations have to be spelled out letter by letter. Even if it's something as simple as when to wear your pants.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

Yeah, that's that's that's true.

SPEAKER_01 29:52

I I've been waiting on that since you walked in there. I was thinking about it on the way up. Oh man. So while on shift we work out. And sometimes you you end up running the call with your workout clothes on. You just throw your turnout pants on and you do your thing. Keep your turnout pants on till you get back to the station.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Yeah, don't uh don't direct traffic in uh in uh bright white shorts. Nope. On a uh pretty uh busy street.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

Yeah, theoretical, of course.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

Completely theoretical. Just if you're listening and you're uh you're you know you're an upcoming rookie, just don't do that. Yeah. Uh keep your gear on until you get back to the station. That's right. Every time. Every time.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

Uh on those on those unspo that's so funny. It wasn't funny at the time. It's funny now. Um back to the unspoken expectations. So you start picking up on these things pretty quick, and it's when you need to talk and when you don't. Um things that matter and things that don't, and where you fit into it. Um what's the biggest adjustment for you inside the station on a on a crew level, day-to-day shift work level? What was your biggest adjustment?

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Um I mean, f physically speaking, it's uh like I like where everything is. Uh because I mean you have an expectation of like, you know, you're a rookie, you know, you you you're basically a little bit better than a than a housemaid.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

Um, so I mean, you gotta know where, you know, all your cleaning supplies is, you gotta know how to clean. Uh you gotta know, you know, how your crew wants it cleaned. Um and you know, kind of the expectations of of that. And and then you go to different stations and it's completely different, like where the cleaning supplies is, you know, how they clean and whatnot. But um definitely definitely that was uh a a learning process for me. Because I mean, you know, when when I'm when you when you're at your house, you know, you you may clean a little differently, but you you may not be as be as thorough. Yeah. Because I mean that's your living space, you know. You you don't really expect people to, you know, just come up in your house and and immediately go to your toilet and make sure you scrubbed your toilet clean. But, you know, at the station, like that's expected.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Um as far as, you know, it it also just depends on, you know, what day of the week it was. I remember I remember this is another funny thing about my first shift was uh for some reason and I I I I kind of blame the guys that was working with me. They uh they let me bring or maybe they didn't know. I feel like they may have, but I carried a radio around with me all day. And even when we got told that that, you know, hey, go to bed, Hollis, I took that radio in there with me to the bedroom. Yeah. And uh and I turned that Joker all the way up because I was scared to death that I was gonna miss a call. Yeah. We were and you know, I'm sitting here, I didn't know how the tones worked. You know, I didn't know that station, you know, the station I was at had its own, you know, tone. Yeah. Or and then I didn't know that our department had its own tone.

SPEAKER_03 33:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

And then also you have county, they're also toned out on the same radio wave, you know. And so it's it's so needless to say that uh that that first night uh I didn't get much sleep. Yep. That's normal. And uh because I just every time I got my eyes closed, I remember toned out.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

Like my first for I don't know, a month. Like I remember sleeping in full uniform. All I had to do was stand up and put my boots on. And I would s or I'd sleep with a light on in my bedroom. Yeah. Because I d I thought that would keep me from sleeping too deep, you know. I was worried to death about sleeping through a call. And it happens at some point, you know. If obviously if it becomes routine, then it's an issue, but at some point you're gonna sleep through one. And usually it happens if you run a call at one o'clock and then you come back and you run another one at two o'clock, that's when it happens. But yeah, I remember being scared to death I was gonna sleep through tones.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

Oddly enough, uh just getting on I've actually went back to sleeping in my uniform a little bit. Yeah, some people do it. Uh I I I guess it's just more that like I guess I can sleep a little bit better knowing that when the tones do drop, I don't have to like rush and get my pants on. Like I already have my pants on, I just gotta put my boots on and go. It's a little security thing. So um but that being said, you also gotta be at a station where the air conditioning works. Ooh, good point. I like that point. Because if if you're at a station where the AC doesn't work, then it could be 76 degrees in your bedroom. And you're sweating. Yeah. So at that point, you know, layers start coming off fast. That's right. Fast. You may even get your fan and and and get your covers and pull it over your fan. That has happened.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

That is 100% happened. I I got a process. So it works out pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

But no, I mean, as as as far as uh adjustments and stuff, uh uh being just inside the station, we're not talking calls, we're not talking um, you know, training or or anything like that. You know, it's it's uh it's a big adjustment. It is. I mean, you go from I mean, I know I I would I could easily say for I feel like a lot of people in their lives are not a lot of discipline in their lives. Yeah. Um, you know, and I can say that just because I mean you you walk into so many people's houses on these calls, and a lot of those houses are are not well maintained and zero discipline. Um and so for you to for, you know, to come from an area that, you know, you don't have a lot of discipline in, and the next thing you know, you're turning around and you you know, what you do is immediately affecting the guys around you in your station. You know, you take on a lot of responsibility, you take on a lot of uh you gotta have that discipline. And I mean, as a rookie, you know, you're thinking, Well man, I I mean, I'm just a rookie. Like what what does it matter? Like uh like what is it what am I gonna do that's gonna affect these guys around me? And it it it turns out it's a lot. Yeah, everything. You know, and uh because just as much as you're you know, you're looking on your crew as for direction and guidance and and you know, how do I do this, how do I do that, you know, what do I do here and there, you know, they're looking at you, you know, hey, m and I mean it sounds it sounds funny, but you know, why aren't the dishes done?

SPEAKER_03 36:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:52

You know, why aren't the why aren't the floor swept? Why aren't the you know, why is there PP stains on the on the toilet? Gotta be standard. And and you gotta have that standard. Yep. And what you don't realize at that moment is those small things, such as cleaning or, you know, doing the dishes or you know, whatever, it's building you up to have more discipline.

SPEAKER_03 37:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

And it's also building you up to get you ready for the responsibility of becoming a firefighter, not just a rookie. That's right. So it just it's just one of those things, man. It's uh it's a character builder.

SPEAKER_01 37:31

It is. It's it's amazed me how I have a routine. I really like I have a routine every day, whether I'm at the station or not. But um on shift days, my routine starts from the minute I open my eyes. Like that's just that's what I do. Uh and if anything deviates from that routine, I feel like I'm running late or you know, something ain't right. It's weird. Um, but I think that's that's just something that builds over time. Um I thought about while you were talking the the culture shock of you know, you live with your family and you have this normal job, and then you go through rookie school and you spend all these, you know, eight to five or whatever every day with these people, and then all of a sudden you start this every third day. We do 24 on 48 off. Yeah. To immediately one morning walk into a station and you take on basically a second family, a third of your life, and you may like them, you may not like them, but that's your family for a third of your life until something changes. Yeah, at least a year. Maybe. Yeah. May and maybe night. So yeah, we lots of times we do shakeups yearly, not department wide, but um we have to maintain staffing for teams and different things, you know, advanced EMT or uh the wear trucks are staffed or whatever. Uh if some if we have some promotions, it may change, but other than that, you're with who you're with. Um and we don't get along every shift. Yep. Um we get on each other's nerves and you know, it's it's normal.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

That's what families do.

SPEAKER_01 39:14

So yeah, that is a that's a huge culture shock. So let's talk about work ethic for just a minute. So you can tell pretty quick on this job, like who's who's there to work and who's there to not work. To be there. Make a check. This ain't a this ain't just a job. I think you you need to be called into this. It's more than just a job. Uh and some people they come in on shift, they do their 24, they go home, and they don't think about it at all until next shift. But you learn who those people are. Um the truth is it doesn't take long for people to figure you out. Um really nobody cares what you say. You can say I can do this or I can do that. We're watching, we mentioned this a little bit earlier, we're watching what you do. Um I don't care that you tell me you can clean a toilet better than anybody.

SPEAKER_03 40:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:08

I'm I want to see you clean a toilet better than anybody. Uh and that carries over to everything trucks, calls, whatever. Um initially, nobody puts a lot of stock in what you say. We want to see you do it. Um and as a rookie, that's that's what matters. Um we know we know that you don't have a ton of experience yet in this side of it. Um so it's just it's kind of proving where you at. And we have to learn to respect you, what you know. You have to learn to respect us and what we do and what we know and our experience. It's not just uh you come in the door and you're gonna respect us because I'm an officer or I'm a driver or whatever. It works both ways. It it should work both ways.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Does it always probably not? But when did when did all of that click for you? That you don't you've got this training, but you don't have real world on-the-truck experience yet. Um and you're just you're kind of figuring this out as you go over your first year.

SPEAKER_00 41:18

Um I guess that I mean I wouldn't say it started on the on that first shift, but it it it the reality of it setting in that like why, you know, I like you said, you know, I could I could tell these guys, you know, I can I can clean the toilet better than all the rest of them. Yeah. Or, you know, I mean, I I remember I remember even saying in my interview, um one of the uh the or training captain, uh he asked me, he said, you know, why why should we uh choose you over, you know, these other guys that we got, you know, lined up. And I I looked at him and I said, Well, I'm the best. You know, I'm the best out of and then, you know, you kind of say you can save whatever you you can blow as much smoke up somebody's butt as you want to. That's right. But until you prove it and show them that you can. Nothing matters. Nothing matters. And and that's kind of the hardest part at that super early stage of being a rookie is you know, well, you you know, you just got out of rookie school, you know you can, you know, put a fire out, you know you can advance a hose line, you know you can do a search and uh a search, you know, you know, you can climb through confined spaces, you can do all these things that they taught you at rookie school, but your crew don't know that for certain. You know, they all they know is you passed rookie school and you're here now. Yeah. And you know, so for you to basically, you know, all that credit, kind of like how you said er earlier, you know, you build up this, you know, you know, this this uh you know, you build up this rapport with with all these guys that look at you and you know, all your rookie buddies, they know that you can do all the things you're saying.

SPEAKER_03 43:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

But, you know, those guys at the station that's been working there for, you know, five, ten, fifteen plus years, they don't care. They don't know what you can and can't do until you prove it to them.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

And and the bad thing about it is, you know, there's really not many chances that you get at that beginning stage to prove to them that you can do it. You know, you may find some uh some opportunities here and there during, you know, training, or if you go, you know, you go do drills or something out at the training yard or or if you do some, you know, training scenarios there at the station, you know, you can kind of prove it to them then. But until the real thing happens, you know, you really can't show them that you know what you know. And then the other side of that is when you get to those spots and those real world, real case scenarios, you realize real fast that you actually don't know. That's right. As much as you think you do. Yep. And um and honestly, when that realization hits, i i it i I mean it it's a it's a punch to the gut.

SPEAKER_01 44:10

Yeah, I believe that. So you get all these basic skills. And there's this other side of running calls where it's just a medical call. And yeah, you can walk in and you know, they've been deceased since yesterday. And we can walk in and call the coroner and help them and do what needs to be done. Anybody can do that. That's that's not hard, that's basic stuff. But the other side of that is being empathetic to people. Yep. And being able to we've mentioned turning that switch on and off before. Um I've run calls with a lot of people who could do the job to a T. No question. But there was no empathy for the family or the patient, or you know, even in a structure fire situation where they've just lost everything. Yeah, we go in, we do our job, but interact with the people if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

I mean it it that is a part of it that uh I remember, you know, my first structure fire, um I won't get into the specifics of how that went. Uh let's just say for me it wasn't uh uh as ideal as I thought it was gonna be. Okay. Um but you know, you're finally there. You know, you're at the big one. You're at you're at what you signed up for. This is everything that you've been training for. Yeah. You know, and it all clicks and it's right there in front of your face. And I mean, you look around, your guys are just killing it. You know, you you're I me personally, you know, I'm running around with it like a chicken with my head cut off. Yeah. Because, you know, I'm I'm just I'm excited. You know, my adrenaline's going. I just I want to be everywhere at once, and that's just not how it goes. And um Heart rate's about 150 and you got ice on your bottle. And you just you mean you're getting it, and then you're not getting it, and then you're getting it, and you're not getting it. And you know, you're looking at all your other trucks and all your other crews and they're just knocking it out. Man, you want to be excited for them.

SPEAKER_03 46:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:18

You know, you want to be pumped up and laughing and, you know, ye hauling and stuff, but you gotta remember, you know, that there's somebody over there that just lost their house. Yeah. Or that they, you know, they lost all their belongings inside the house. Or I mean, even, you know, worst case scenario, they lost somebody that they love. And you have to flip that switch on fast. Yes, that's true. And and it's hard. I mean, it really is to go from, you know, you're you're waiting on it all shift. You know, you you want you want to structure fire. You know, you want to show people that you can do your job and you can do it dang good. Yeah. And when you do do it good, you want to be excited, you know, you want to be pumped up about it.

SPEAKER_03 46:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:58

But you gotta remember to it's not just you. It's not just you and your crew, it's not just you and your and your coworkers or or or your other crews, you know, it's it's you and that person that just lost everything. Yep. And and to s and to, you know, flip that switch on and and stay aware of that, that's something that there is no training in the world for. Yeah, that's hard.

SPEAKER_01 47:22

So yeah, that that is tough. Um and it's not about the big things, it's about the small things. It's it's mostly just about consistency. It's about doing what needs to be done without being told, without complaining about it. And in its simplest form, be early every shift. Like that is the simplest form of that consistency that I can possibly think of is just be early. Yeah. Don't show up at five minutes till seven or five minutes till shift change.

SPEAKER_00 47:58

Um I mean, just go off that, like and I I can't say, like, I I don't know what the rest of my crew thought, but uh I made a point. Um and I I I still make a point to I want to be there, like I want to be the first person there on my crew. And I think I gained uh at least a little bit of respect from from my from my first crew that that you know I was always there. Uh if not the first one, and no, I was either the second one. Yep. You you did earn some respect from your crew for that.

SPEAKER_01 48:29

I'm pretty sure. And that's what it does. That that's that is the first initial step to to building that respect. Like you said a while ago, there's not tons of opportunities. So you have to take those opportunities where you can get them, and that's that's one of the easiest first things you can do. Yeah. Be early, be consistent, and people see it.

SPEAKER_00 48:52

Yeah. Make opportunities. Yeah. If you have to, yeah, do that. I mean, don't force it, because then it looks a little a little strange. It does, but I know I get what you're saying. You know, if if there's an opportunity to show, you know, I c I well look, I can prove these guys I know what I know a little bit about what I'm doing. Yep. Try to take it. You know? And uh now if you mess up, uh just get ready. It's coming.

SPEAKER_01 49:18

Speaking of messing up, that don't get talked about a whole lot. And I don't know if people are afraid that's gonna come out, or people are and even once you've been here a while, if I go to gypstick, I don't want to go down there and mess up. You know, I want people to say, oh man, that guy, he's got it together.

SPEAKER_03 49:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:39

So lots of times we worry because we go down there for a class and we feel like, well, I'm already supposed to be a pro with this. Well, I ain't had a clash yet. Nope. So you're gonna mess up. It's not a a possibility of messing up, it's a probability. It's gonna happen. That's just part of it. Um early on, those mistakes feel bigger, feel bigger than they actually are. Um I hadn't been here a couple of weeks, and we've got some old wooden ladders around our station, and one of the halyards on one of them were frayed out, and it whatever. I was gonna fix it and broke it, and this ladder is like 500 years old. And I broke the halyard off of it, and I thought, oh man, this is terrible, they're gonna fire me. Wasn't a big deal. We fixed it, but those tiny little mistakes that you make feel huge when you're when you're that new. Um we're still trying to prove ourselves, and we're still trying, like we said, while Go was still trying to figure all these things out. And uh, all of those mistakes that you make early, they stick with you for years. Like you remember the things that you did that didn't turn out the way that it should have. And that's good because that that starts to mold us and shape us into how to do things better. Yeah. So this is gonna be funny. Yeah. What's some things that what's some things that you messed up that ended up teaching you something?

SPEAKER_00 51:11

So I mean, uh uh right out of the gate, you know, we you know, there's there's a theoretical thing that may have may or may not have happened with uh some gym shorts. Yeah. Um so uh you know, if that happened to somebody, I would definitely let them know that, you know, to to like like I was saying earlier, man, keep your keep your gear on until you get back to the station. Yep. Um another thing is uh and this is kind of one of those things, it's not it's not if it happens, it's it's when it happens, you know, you're gonna get caught up in the moment, you know, heading to the truck and and uh if you like to put your your boots and and your pants outside the truck, uh you might want to second guess it. Um might want to put them in the truck.

SPEAKER_03 51:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 52:05

It feels like every call that comes through, you know, it's it's exciting. Yeah. And uh, you know, you run down there and you hop up in the truck, you close the door, and you're y'all are on the way. Yeah. And next thing you know, you know, you get done with, you know, whatever call you run, and you know, another truck may or may not come out there, and that other truck may or may not have grabbed your boots and stuff and brought them with them and put it outside and said, Hey, you know, Hollis left his boots out in the bay floor. And uh and you know, that's it it it it doesn't seem like it's a big deal to everybody else because everybody's done it. Yeah. Um at some point. Everybody's left, you know, a piece of equipment uh back in the bay, and m most times it's it's your boots.

SPEAKER_01 52:53

But uh It's a sinking feeling to roll into the back of the bay and see your boots sitting in the bay floor.

SPEAKER_00 52:59

Yeah. Or or or have somebody bring them to you. That that's pretty bad. Yeah, that would that would be bad too if that ever happened. And uh and so uh, you know, you you kind of sit there and you're like, man, you just start beating yourself up. Yeah. You know, because you think like, well, I man, I was on my P's and Q's and and and now I just I messed up huge. You know, you think it's this huge mess up and and uh you know, sometimes it is. You know, if if if we would have caught a you know, you don't want that to happen on a structure fire, you don't want that to happen, you know, on a big wreck or something, because then you you do because at that point, you know, you have to say something. You gotta say, you know, I left this at the at the station. And then you got and then your your lieutenant or your officer is gonna look at you and say, Well, look, you gotta sit in the truck. Yeah. And I mean, that's something that you don't want to put yourself through. That's a terrible place to be. And and not only are I mean you're going to beat yourself up so bad, but I mean, that the that's one thing about, you know, a fire department is word spreads like wildfire. Does it now? And I'm telling you, I mean, you you you'll you'll uh you'll thinking, oh man, uh well, hopefully nobody'll figure this out, and then you know, you take your twenty you take your forty-eight off and you come back your on your uh on your next shift and everybody knows about it. That's right. That's the way it works. And so uh so definitely uh, you know, double check yourself, go back and even triple check yourself, make sure you got everything you need for any call at any point, because there I mean that you could be going to a you know run-of-the-mill medical call, and then I mean you get back in the truck, next thing you know, a structure biartone's out. And if you ain't got your equipment, I mean, like I said, you you're gonna sit in the truck. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 54:47

That's that's one thing. And w we went going back to routines that we talked about earlier. So I've got my helmet, I've got my face piece bag, I've got my coat, I've got my pants, and then I've got a little bag that I always put on a truck with like deodorant and socks and stuff in it. So I know when I go to my locker in the morning, I've got five things I need to tow to the truck. And typically I have four of them on my left arm and I've got my boots in my right hand. And it's just not to say I've never left something because it it's happened, but that simplifies it for me and becomes part of that routine. Yep. Um I don't I very seldom stage my boots and pants outside the truck. They're usually up by my seat. And that way if we catch a structure fire or a wreck, I've got to take them out of the truck and put them on. Yeah, but if it's anything else, they stay in the truck. Um But it happens. Also, if we catch a call where I need to get in my gear, I'm a thrower. The boots I have on like station boots, they get thrown somewhere in the truck and my phone goes one direction and like crap goes everywhere.

SPEAKER_03 55:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:59

Uh it's just the way it is. But that's that's what works for me. Now it don't work for everybody, but that helps me know where everything's at and that it's where it needs to be.

SPEAKER_00 56:07

Yeah, definitely, definitely getting in a routine will definitely uh help um more than it will hurt you. Um another thing, so I mean we've talked about some, you know, some just small things, stuff that really hadn't much consequence. But uh I did have a pretty good little mess up on my first structure fire. You know, you it bangs out and you get the tone, you know, residential structure fire, and uh, you know, your heart just goes from, you know, 60 beats per minute to 140 plus. Yep. And you're like, man, this is the one, this is it, it's crazy. And uh, and and it it gets even crazier when you start heading towards the address and you look up and I mean, you can see the header. Yep. You know, you're like, oh my gosh. This is real. This is happening. Yep. And so then next thing you know, you know, uh me, I was, you know, I'm trying to be a proactive rookie, you know. I don't I don't wanna, you know, I don't want to have to be told what to do. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. Is you know, it's better for me not to be half to told what to do, but that is wrong. Yeah. Um it is it is your job to be told what to do as a firefighter. It is. And that makes it even harder to prove yourself. And it it and it does, you know, but part of proving yourself is being able to be told, you know, what to do. And so we rolled up on that, on that structure fire, and you know, what you're supposed to do as a rookie is is you know, you hop out and you immediately look at your lieutenant or your officer, and he tells you, hey, this is what we're gonna do. Well, on the way in, I hear some, you know, radio traffic about we got a hydrant across the street. And so me, so me being a rookie, I'm like, well, you know what? I can catch that hydrant. And and that way, I mean, that's just that's a one-person job. In my head, you know, that's that's a one-person job. We'll have, you know, 10 to 12 other folks doing what they need to do. And if I can get us water supply, then that's one less thing we gotta worry about. And so I hop out and that's an awesome sounding plan. It is, it is. It went so well in my head. Well, then, you know, I hop out and I grab some some LDH and I run over there and I put it on the hydrant, and uh little did I know I I put it on there wrong and uh or I I addressed the hydrant wrong. Uh but I got done uh catching that hydrant and I walk around and I walk back around to my engine and it's just me. Yeah. And I'm like, I just my gut sank, and I'm like, oh man.

SPEAKER_01 58:58

Did you in that moment did you expect your officer to still be standing there waiting on you?

SPEAKER_00 59:03

Yeah. There there's a part of me that I was like, well, I'll get done with this, and you know, I'll walk around the the engine and and then then we'll start doing whatever we need to get done.

SPEAKER_01 59:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 59:13

And uh little did I know at the time that that is not what you're supposed to do. That's called freelancing. And uh and uh you only freelance on Fridays. And freelance Friday. And uh I'm just kidding, don't don't don't freelance at all. But um I walk around the engine and there is nowhere for my like I've there's my officer is nowhere to be found. And you know, me being green and uh not really understanding chain of command, I saw my battalion chief, which is uh about as about as high of the chain of command as you can go. And uh I walked over to him and he's trying to you know run the scene. Yeah. And I'm like, have you seen Lieutenant? And uh there was some choice words said to me, and so I just parked my butt in the front yard and uh and waited for my lieutenant, and luckily, praise Lord, my lieutenant found me, and uh then we were able to go to work, and and so that that was that one was okay, yeah. Like that's a mess up.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:30

Well I've gotta ask you at this point because you brought this story up. So you walk back around the truck expecting your lieutenant to be standing there. What was he doing the whole time you were lost in the front yard?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:42

Uh he was doing what we were supposed to be doing. So he had uh, which is another thing, as a rookie, you're the one that's supposed to pull the cross lay. Yeah. Um and uh and and all that good stuff. And because I went and freelanced and and uh did a poor job at catching a hydrant and got cussed out by my battalion chief, uh my lieutenant had to pull his own crossleigh and pull it all the way to the back of the house where he then gave it to a different crew uh to let them have fun and get to fight fire where I was supposed to be fighting my first fire.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:26

I I think I heard about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:28

Yeah. Yeah. Uh that word, like I say, the word spreads fast.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:36

So uh I wasn't sure where you went in that moment. I didn't know you went to the hydrant. Yeah. I just knew you went around the truck and I wasn't sure what you were doing. But the captain who was first on scene was completing his 360 and I said, Hey, what do you need? And he said, Let's get a line to the back of the house. So I wasn't sure where you were, so I pulled a line and went to the back of the house, and there was a lot of fire back there. That's that's where the bulk of the fire was at. Uh it started there and it worked its way inside the structure. But yeah, when I got back there, there was a lot of fire, and I I flowed water for less than a minute, and a different crew come around there and I said, I hear you can have this, I'm gonna go find my wayward firefighter. So we walked back around, and uh if I remember right, we finished that whole scene. It was hot that day, but yeah, uh we finished that whole scene, everybody went back in service, and then we got called back out, and that wasn't our first due district. Um so I don't r I don't remember exactly what happened, but we ended up back out for what they called a rekindle.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:46

Yeah, air quotations rekindle.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:48

Yeah, and it ended up being I think one two by four truss was smoldering or something, it wasn't nothing to it. So we took a can in, you got to fight some smolderers with a can, and that that ended up being your extent of fire attack that day. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:07

I got to put out a a two by four with a water can.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:12

In in that, I mean, you did a good job. It it stopped smoldering before we left. Played the dragon. Yeah. Okay. Dragon, lizard, uh gecko. So yeah, I d I do remember that fire. And that is a that's a good illustration of where you are early in your career. Yeah. Um, and every one of us were there. But you come off the truck and you're, like you said, your heart rates through the roof and your adrenaline's dumping. And I've run I've run structure fired. Well, let me back up just a little bit. So a few years ago, we had a guy who started, went through reggae school, done. First day on the truck. And like you, like you're trying to figure it out, you know, you don't know how to take people and all of this stuff. Well, we shift change at seven o'clock. At nine o'clock in the morning, we catch a structure fire and confirmed. Uh we're second in, we stop, catch a hydrant, lay a line down the road, laid LDH, got down there, helped them pull a skid load, put the fire out. Um, but for this one individual, we caught the hydrant, we laid our line, and when we and when we made it actually on scene, he was done. He went in the back of the truck and was on O2. And he was a big, strong guy, but that's just how the adrenaline dumped.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:51

And that's all the work that he specifically did on that scene was hooked to the hydrant. So we get through all of that. And we get back to the station that evening and we're just talking about it. And he said, Why didn't why didn't we catch that hydrant or dress that hydrant the right way, the way we were supposed to? And I said, We did. And he said, I don't hardly remember any of that. Like that is how real this adrenaline dump is. Yeah. Is we did. We got off the truck and we did everything by the book and we laid this line, and he didn't like he he was blurry that whole time. And then didn't really do any work once we got on scene. He sucked O2 the whole time. But yeah, I mean it's a it's a real it's a real thing. Yeah. But all of these issues, and we talked about mistakes that are made, whether they're small, tiny little things, or whether they're huge, it's all part of that growth process and building. And there's no better feeling than getting maybe a couple of years in.

unknown 1:05:59

And you

SPEAKER_01 1:06:00

Get to the point where you can manage all of that and you run a structure fire, even you see the header coming down the road. We all get excited still, but you can control your adrenaline and your emotion and you can keep your mind in the right place. And you make entry and you start watching the fire and learning from what it's doing. That is the best feeling ever. You can go in and your heart rate's not 150. Like that is that is an awesome place to be. But that's all part of the growing process. Some people take these things personal. They do something dumb and they get corrected and you know it changes them because they take it so personal. It's not part of it's not a jab personally. It's it's business. It's a part of that process. Yeah. Um the issue comes when we when we repeat the same mistakes over and over. And we've seen that where somebody just don't get it.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:01

They they go through all of this and they get on the truck and they make the same mistake over and over and over, and they put gas in the borrow hole for the chainsaw. And yeah, that's a problem. But when you do it four times, it's a huge deal because you're corrected every time.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:22

So while we all do this, you have to learn from them and move forward. All right. So let's talk about advice. We've talked about issues, we've talked about the mistakes that are made and how we expected one thing and it ended up being something else. And all of these things we've talked about. So let's build this into advice. How do you avoid some of those things, or how do you mentally or emotionally prepare for what's coming better? If somebody's about to start this job, or even if they're within that first year window and they're in the same spot and they're trying to figure it out and figure out where they're being where they should be and find their place, what would you tell them as far as preparation, getting ready for that?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:06

Well, fur first thing I would definitely uh would say is uh if you don't have a relationship with with a good Lord, um try to find it. Um try to find it quick. Uh because there is there's points in this job where I mean you may have you know, you may have a wife or a husband at home that, you know, they are just awesome, man. They'll they'll let you they'll let you sit down and vent and and uh and take some of that load off that you just experienced or whatnot. And um or if you have a therapist that you talk to, you know, that those those are definitely helpful. But uh I mean there there's moments where you are gonna be by yourself.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:55

Um there's not gonna be your your significant other's not gonna be there, your therapist's not gonna be there. It's just gonna be you and your head, and your brain will do some really, really messed up things to you. And you know, if you have a solid foundation in the Lord and and you know, you understand that He's always there for you, then you're not gonna be alone. That's right. Um and so that that's definitely at the forefront of of uh uh the best advice that I could give. Um other than that, you know, we've kind of hit on a little bit, make a routine. Yeah. You know, start I would probably I would go even further than just, you know, you know Lieutenant said, you know, he's he starts his routine the morning of shift. I would go as far as saying, you know, start getting your stuff ready uh, you know, the night before. Yeah. Like a little bit before you lay down, you know, if you if you like to pack a lunch or if you uh you know, if you know you got some training uh ahead of that way that the next shift or something, you know, get your clothes packed, you know, get you get your lunchbox ready, you know. That way when you wake up in the morning, you know, you're not you know, scrambling around trying to figure out what you need for that day and you already have it ready. Yeah. Um and just get in that routine, you know, try to get to work early, try to beat everybody. Um try to leave, you know, your your home life, you know, at home. Yeah. Um I know that's tough for a lot of a lot of people, and uh understandably so. I mean, I mean, you gotta think you're only at work for a third of the year. The other two, luckily, I mean, we're blessed to you know, we're blessed to spend a lot of time with our family. Yeah, that's right. If we're able to, and uh and things happen, you know, things happen and families are families, and you know, you sometimes you get some bad news about, you know, a family member or a dog or or or something, and you're going through some stuff, and uh, you know, you can't help but bring it back to the station. And and hopefully if you have a an awesome crew, you know, there's some guys on on that crew that you can open up to and and and vent to a little bit at work uh about it. But you know, once them calls come in and the tones start dropping, you gotta be able to turn, you need to leave that stuff there because I mean you're going to somebody's worst day.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:20

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:21

And you can't sit there and you know think, you know, woe is me, this is what I got going on. And I mean, your problem is not as big as their problem. Um as far as uh the job itself, I mean, stay active. I mean, whether it's going to the gym, whether it's going on a run, whether it's it's trying to eat healthy, I mean I would I would say all three, um, you know, just find a way to stay active off the off the job. Yeah. Because there's gonna be, I mean, you know, we're supposed to train, you know, we're supposed to be some some kind of physical training, uh, an hour out of each shift. And and we're alighted that hour. But I mean, a lot of times, you know, I mean, it it could be a busy day, it could be a Monday where you're just you know, you're checking trucks all day. Well then next thing you know, you get it you get toned out to a call. Next thing you know, it's nine o'clock at night. That's right. And, you know, you haven't found time to work out or something. So I mean, try to work out um a little bit on your off days just to, you know, like I said, stay healthy, stay active. Um find a hobby. Find something to do outside of work. Yeah. Because there are gonna be calls and shifts that are I mean, you you're gonna have those bad calls that stick with you for your whole career. And I mean, I I hate to say it, you know, I've only been in for a little over a year now, and I already have a a few that's gonna stick with me for the for the rest of my life. And um having a hobby outside of of work, you know, that allows me to get my mind off of that call, that allows me to decompress and uh and just be able to live and do something that I love and and just take uh solace in it, you know. You gotta have you gotta have that outlet. Yeah, you gotta have an outlet. Because if I mean if you get off work, you know, if you run one of them calls that that that really just mess you up or you know, something like and if if you go straight back home from that and you know, if you're a significant other, if you can't really talk to your significant other about it, because there's there's some things that you know you just don't want to bring up. Yeah. Like there's some things that you know we see we see and do and and and hear, and I mean, the all five of our senses are going through something that the general public just will never experience in their lives. That's right. And a lot of times, like, I mean, your significant other is not going to be able to understand what you're going through. And, you know, a lot of times that hobby is a way that you can just kind of let that out. You know, I I love going to the gym. That's my big thing. A lot of the guys at at work know that I love going to the gym. And um, I mean, there's been several times at the gym where I I'll be lifting. I mean, I just I'll have to either go out in the bathroom or just go out to my car and just, you know, let it out, you know, just cry a little bit because it's just weighing heavy on me and but it's good, you know, it's good to let that out. And I definitely would definitely advise not to keep any of it bottled up. Um like if you're if your department has a peer support team, which luckily like mine mine is blessed to have one, you know, get with some of those guys. Um if you don't have a peer support team, you know, if you if you have a couple of guys that's been there for a while and they've ran a lot of calls that that you know have been hard, you know, ask them for help. Ask them, you know, hey, what like this is what I'm going through, this is the call I ran. And a lot of times they can sit there and tell you, well, look, this is what I I kind of went through a similar call.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:11

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:12

And they can kind of give you some guidance on on uh on how to deal with it and how to cope with it. That's that's a that's a lot of lot that's a big thing that a lot of people I feel like uh don't know how to do is find a coping mechanism. That's right. Um which I know with the fire department uh a lot of it's just dark humor. It is. Um and not to say that that's wrong. I mean honestly, I've I found a lot like that's one of the best coping mechanisms for me is is dark humor. Um but it only go that that coping mechanism only goes so far.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:44

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:45

Because I mean, like I said, once you get back to your house, you know, there's nobody to crack jokes with. Yep. And I mean you definitely aren't cracking those types of jokes with, you know, your family members and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:56

And people people don't understand that it's hard. And that's that seems to be the most critical time is when you get home. Yep. Because it's quiet and you're just kind of stuck with your thoughts. And we've talked about this on other episodes where you're present at home, but you're not really present at home. You're there in body, uh, but that's but that's really it. Uh something else, and I thought about this while you were talking too, and this is all of my years of experience. I only really discovered this within the last six months. So over the last six months, I've I've went through a a dark time. Nothing where depression, like a big flash of depression, come over me, and I I started having these terrible thoughts. It wasn't that, it's just it it kind of started to affect me a little bit. Um I I found that all of these years I've been sheltering mostly my wife um from details because I thought I was protecting her.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:03

Um I found out that what that does is anytime we hear a story, we read a story or whatever, we immediately start building this movie in our head. Well, if I go home and I don't tell my wife anything, but she gets on social media and she sees that well, this department ran this really bad call. Yeah, her mind's gonna fill in all these details. Whether they're right or they're wrong, she's gonna fabricate things to fill in those gaps in the story. So I found that it is better, maybe not every specific detail, but enough information where she's not building out this story, correct or incorrect. Yeah. Um and that's it don't happen across the board, but with the relationship I have with my wife, that seems to be the best approach. Like I said, it don't work for everybody. You've got to figure out what works for you. But if you don't say anything and you just keep all this bottled up, then that can actually make it worse. Yeah. Because they start trying to fill these gaps in with what may not even be accurate information.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:21

And it it starts building kind of a a divide between you as well. Yes, it sure can.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:26

And because I mean, they're like my just my wife in general, I mean, I'm blessed enough for I mean, it it is a blessing, but she's also in a first responder type role. So I mean, she gets she luckily, and and I I thank the Lord she doesn't get just the super brunt of it. Yeah. Um, like we do. But she understands. Yeah. Because I mean, she she she hears about it and she, you know, a lot of the reports and stuff that come back her way that she has to document, they, you know, they they have a lot of information on it. Um so luckily I'm I'm blessed to be able to, you know, if I get off shift and she's home, you know, and she'll she'll be like, hey, you know, I kind of know what happened.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:15

And she she'll just, you know, she don't have to say much, you know. She just she'll just say, I'm sorry. Or, you know, whatnot, and she'll give me a hug and and sometimes I mean that's that's all. That's all I need. Yeah. And but, you know, that's just that's just me. You know, not a lot of people get to have that that blessing. So what because you do, you you want to you want to go home and be like, all right, well, you know, I don't want to tell my wife this or I don't want to tell my husband this because, you know, they don't need to hear it. It's gruesome or it's it's really brutal. Um but like you said, you know, i uh with the way that the world is now, I mean, with social media and stuff, you're people are going to find out what happened. If they don't find out exactly what happened, you know, it's gonna be like you said, they're gonna start trying to fill in the blanks. Um another thing is a lot of a lot of what the media portrays isn't always correct either.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:07

Yeah. I mean, even they may be getting real information and it's still not. Yeah, still not right.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:12

And so just to just to, you know, like like like Lieutenant was saying, you know, you don't have to tell them the details. There's a lot of stuff that you can you can leave out. But just to open up just a little bit about it, I mean it's good for both of you. Because then that will allow, you know, your significant other to kind of realize, you know, because she because you know, there's been times where, you know, I'll I haven't opened up to my wife. Yeah. And, you know, she expects me to come home and you know, do this, this, this, and this. And, you know, I ran j I you know, if I ran a really bad call the night before, I I mean, I'm I don't want to do any of that stuff. My mind's not in that, you know, mindset of working on the house or cutting the grass or you know, taking care of the dogs. And if I don't let her know, then I mean that's gonna create an issue right there. That's right. Um but enough on enough on the significant other stuff. As far as other advice goes, um listen, I mean, listen to the people that's been there. Um I mean you could you could be the best rookie in rookie class that there's ever been, that's ever walked the earth. Um but experience is gonna it's gonna trump everything else. Yeah, absolutely. And just listening, uh, you know, they say it a lot, and you know, you got two ears and one one mouth. Yep. And uh and honestly, that's some of the best advice because a lot of times, you know, you get you go into a fire department and and I mean with you being a rookie, you're you're not gonna get talked to anyways. Yeah. You know, a lot of people aren't even gonna acknowledge you. That's right. And the best thing to do is just sit there and listen, you know, soak it in. Be a sponge. Um, whether it comes to stuff about the trucks, whether it's stuff on calls, whether it's you know, i if it's just sitting around the dinner table, you know, they they they ain't gonna care what you what kind of stories you got. That's right. You know, so just soak them in, soak up everything that they have to say in anybody that's in your crew that's been there long and you just soak it all in. Um and you know, you'll get a lot of respect for that just sitting and listening. Um But I mean, at the end of the day, uh I could give you all the advice in the world as a rookie, but I mean it's not I mean, I don't have everything figured out. Yep. I mean, there's and then there's guys that, you know, they've been here twenty, thirty years, and that they'll tell you, you know, they still don't have stuff figured out. And that's just how the job is. That's right. You wake up and you come to work and there is no there is not a single call that is the same. Yeah, you're absolutely right. I mean, you could run a public assist, I mean, you got frequent flyers, you know, friendly faces, whatever you want to call them. Um and I'm telling you, even on those calls, I mean, there is something different about each and every one of them.

unknown 1:23:13

That's absolutely right.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:14

And so, I mean, you can uh definitely take some of the advice that you know I've given, and if not, that you don't have to, but just know that you know you could have the best game plan in the world, and it's still not gonna be still gonna go sideways. It's gonna go sideways.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:31

I I think all of the advice that you've give is awesome. And our department right now has six recruits in rookie school. Yep. Um, and I hope they listen to this because it is an inside into that first year from somebody who has just lived it. And um, yeah, I think your your advice is spot on. I think I think it's perfect. So let's lighten it up a little bit. All right. So totally unrelated questions. Um what what artist or music are you into right now? Shoot, right now I'm an Ella fella.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:10

You know Ella Langley? I've heard the name, yeah. So yeah, I I'm I'm real big into her right now. Uh shoot, we were out there host testing uh what was it last week or the week four? And I mean we had the speaker out there, and I I think we only played Ella.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:25

Actually, so it's not just me. Okay. But it's it's a couple of the guys, and uh, but yeah, I'm I'm I'm digging some Ella Langley right now. Um one of my one of my uh bigger artists that I like to listen to, Noah Khan. Uh he just came out with an album. I mean it is it is phenomenal. It's one of the it'll pull at your heart strings though. Good dude. So I'll check it out. Um definitely them two, and then uh, you know, I I I got my gym playlist that I like to listen to. It's it's got a whole bunch of divorced dad rock on it. I got things like that. But but that's it.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:01

I'm I'm into Christian Davis and Ben Fuller right now. Um Christian artists, but that's that's kind of where I'm at. So what about podcasts? What are you into right now as far as podcasters go?

SPEAKER_00 1:25:14

Uh I can't I can't really say too much on podcasts. I have been listening to some audio books recently though. Yeah. Um there's uh there's one, it's a saga. It's got six books out right now. Uh the seventh one is coming out this year, which I'm super excited about. I'm about to finish up on the first book. Uh it's called Red Rising by Pierce Brown. And um I mean I've I've listened to a couple audio books in the past. My wife's put me on some really, really good ones. Um and I mean I I wasn't much of a book reader slash listener before then, but she really kicked it off for me. I've really enjoyed uh just the universes and and and the and the fantasy and and all the fiction that I've been reading. It's kinda that's another really good, you know, hobby that I've picked up that kind of you know gets me out of my head as far as uh work goes. But um but yeah, man, I've been listening to that recently and it has been awesome. Good deal. So it's uh it's definitely a uh man, it it gets your it's g it gets your testosterone up. Like it's one of those books, man. It's just it's it's just it's cool.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:23

Good deal. I mentioned uh last podcast with Captain Swansea, I listened to Hayden, Alabama podcast. Um and I it's small town. A lot of it's farmers and you know, uh, but clean podcast, I like it. Um not necessarily podcast, but John Lovell, Warrior Poet Society. I listen to that a lot. Uh he's he's come a long way. So one more question.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:47

What's your favorite Bible verse and why?

SPEAKER_00 1:26:55

I would I wouldn't say it's a one specific Bible verse. I would probably say it's a a chapter. Um it's chapter it's uh 1 Corinthians chapter 13. If you don't know it, it's uh it's the uh chapter of love in the Bible. Okay. Um reason being why is because uh when me and my wife we were we were in a pretty low spot in our relationship and it honestly seemed like things were about to turn out for the worst. Um we really really leaned on that chapter. Yeah. Um and and through that chapter and through through the grace of God and and just giving our marriage to Jesus, yeah. Um I I honestly I don't believe that without that chapter, I don't think that we would still be together right now. Yeah, I gotcha. Um and so I I for for my marriage to be as amazing as it is now and and as uh as solid on the foundation. foundation that it is. Yeah. I would have to give it give that credit to First Corinthians chapter thirteen.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:06

Awesome. That's fantastic. I've been on Psalms fifty one verse one for a while. And there's six words at the very beginning of that verse and it is have mercy upon me, O God. That's the six words that that get me. David's writing this and David was a man after God's own heart. The Lord loved him, but he was a terrible person. He done terrible a lot of people don't realize that. Yeah, he done terrible stuff. Um murder and all kind of stuff. Like it was terrible. Um but it in that verse like I can almost hear him crying out when he says oh God. And I think about how many times we've been into that point. You know, we know what's right and we know what we're supposed to be doing but we still do stuff we shouldn't. And then we have to come back. Yeah. You know, and I can like I said I can almost hear him crying out, you know, have mercy on me. Um like I said I don't it's may not be my favorite, but it's been it's been on my heart a lot. So that's good stuff. Uh we we covered a lot today. This is our longest podcast to date. You did say I was a talker we started with you're a talker. But it has been jam up information. And I think if people will especially new guys if they'll heed that advice, I think it'll be good for them. First year, that's what sets the tone for everything else. We build that foundation in that first year. And it's not just about what we learn but it's how we approach it and our mindset and how we prepare for things. That's the part that matters more than most people even realize. So Hollis I appreciate you coming on today. I enjoyed you starting your career with me um a year ago or a little over a year ago. I enjoyed having you on our crew. You were you were an asset to that. But I appreciate you coming on today. I've enjoyed your your insight um I hope we can do this again in the future.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:22

Yeah I'd definitely I'd be up for it for sure and and man it was that first year was awesome man. I I'm definitely glad that I had you as my lieutenant for my rookie year and uh I honestly looking back on it now I wouldn't have I wouldn't have had it any other way.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:38

Yeah I appreciate that all right thank you for listening to Wine the Q the stories behind the sirens. Until next time stay safe take care of the crew take care of yourself.