Claire Bare WTF is This? Episode 1

Welcome to the beginning!!! No plan, no perfection, just a microphone and a whole lot of yapping!

In this first episode, Claire shares the who, what, where, when, and why behind Claire Bare… or at least attempts to. It’s honest, a little all over the place, and exactly the point.

A few disclaimers before we get too comfortable:
 Yes, there might be cussing.
 No, you should not be playing detective trying to identify people in these stories.
 And yes… we’re aiming for the moon, even if we land somewhere among the stars.

This is the start of something real. Buckle up and let's get BARE!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Oh hey friends, fellows, pimps and hoes. This is the first Claire Bear Pod episode. Do I have any clue what I'm doing? And I do not. I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing. I just found this little doohickey of a jingle and I said, let me put this on my podcast with an applause. I'm not in a live studio. In fact, it sounds like I'm in a basement, a dungeon of death with this echo sound. I don't know how to do this, okay? Uh my technological skills peaked with the Motorola razor. It was like that was the height of flipping that phone open, sending a text, picking a color, and then boom, downhill from there. Okay. I have no clue what I'm doing. I literally had to hand my phone to a 20-year-old and say, help me order a Frappuccino this weekend. It was on the app. You would think it would be really straightforward. It's not. Okay. If you haven't ordered Starbucks in a long time on an app, it's very confusing. I have not grown with the times. I'm just going to throw that out there. But I've been saying that I would do this for a very long time. Said I would launching in January, got everyone, all their panties in a bunch. And now I get texts on the reg like, when's your podcast coming out? I have no idea. Okay. I don't know. I don't know how to do this. I literally hired some guy. This is not it, it can't be his real name on Fiverr named Tim E was like, here, here's all my notes. Here's my Jerry McGuire manifesto for my website. Tim E said he, oh, no problem. I'm going to do it in seven days. I understand how you get in that website making business and it gets a little complicated. Let me help you. I haven't heard from Tim E since. He said it would be done. He needed an extra week. I was like, I get it. We all get the flu sometime, Tim E. And I've never heard from the guy again. Okay, now I've got to file a complaint and get on there. So, yes, there's a lot of layers to this. And now people are creating substacks and recording it and then having full reels on the tick, tickety talk, um, Instagram reels, all of these things. I don't know what I'm doing. I just want to record my voice and my story and put it out there into the universe because I said I would do this. I have a purpose, I have some meaning, and I really want to get this, you know, going. But I'm also somebody that even in my prime of the organ trail, Motorola Tech time, I would just wait and manifest and think about things. Like, for instance, skinny jeans. I mean, I think I have one in every shade and every color with every outfit. I get the perfect flats for it. I've got my side part rocking, you know, really feeling my side part. And then lo and behold, all of the tags are on my skinny jeans. I've gotten to wear maybe one or two pairs because I'm saving the others for when I feel real skinny and svelt, figuring out which belt goes with which dress in 2004. And now we're here, you know? And I should have saved all of that energy for how to work a microphone and a computer, which everyone's doing it. It's 2026. Literally everyone has a podcast, yapping on the internet, yapping in their corner of the world. I'm just trying to do it. And how come everyone else can figure it out? Does anybody feel like that? And that is why it's taking me so long. But here I am, I'm standing on the edge of the diving board. I'm wanting to jump in. I'm thinking about doing a triple axle layout flip arabesque, but I'm probably just gonna have to be pushed in and belly flopped, you know, or else the pool's gonna dry up. It's gonna be eight seasons later. Podcasting isn't gonna be a thing. AI will have taken all of our voices and made our own podcasts of our life stories. And, you know, I just, this is my life. This is what I'm working with. But here I am, giving it my all, kind of recording this for the 17,000th time, but I'm giving the people what they want. So next time someone texts me, I can say yes. I recorded it, who knows what happens from here. While we're on the subject of me not knowing anything that I'm doing here, I don't know how to do any of this. Let's go over a couple housekeeping notes. Shall we? Okay, yes, we shall. So the music part, I don't know. I just found it on here and then I put in like a little applause. You know, I just told you that. But if you know how to do a jingle, we could be like clear. Um, that's just a jumping off point. It doesn't have to be like that. But if you know how to create a jingle, I mean send it on over and I can list you in like the podcast notes and you can get a record deal with Beyonce or something. I really feel like we can make this a community affair. At my community affair, I think that like if you have resources that can help me, you just send it my way. You know, if you have like a trust fund with $80 million in it, and part of the stipulation is that you have to give it to a middle-aged white woman to create a podcast of her life story, you should send it to me. And I can put you in the notes and we can be in this together, you know? Like, let's make this happen. And if you see anybody posting me, just know that that person is posting me probably in real time. But anything that I post, like for my website or on the reels or Instagram or whatever, those photos are from three to four years ago. Okay. So I just want to let you know uh that that is old material because in the last three years, it looks like I haven't slept in three to four years. And I eat cream puffs morning, noon, and night, and then stuff anything that's left over inside of my skin. I kind of look like I sucked on an air hose and I'm some sort of human woman version of like a sausage, you know? And it's like, even if I wanted to wear those skinny jeans, even if they were on trend, none of them would fit right now because I'm really in my little hibernation chubbiness. And so one day I hope to release the chubbiness during like my hot girl manifestation, learn how to podcast walks. I'm hoping that's happening. It hasn't happened in the last, you know, six to eight months, but stranger things and miracles do happen, you know? But I want you to know, yes, I plan to have like a YouTube and more reels and substacts and whatever people are doing in 2026 to make this happen. I want to do that too. I also just don't want to be on the internet looking like job of the hut. Is that the person that's like that big mountain blob? Because that's what I look like right now. But with like 18 strands of blonde hair sticking out. I it just middle age is really hard on women, you know? It's like we try so hard for so long, and then it's like, watch this. And the universe is like, hold my beer, let me just wreck your life, give you 40,000 times your freshman 15 and the worst skin of your life. And it's like, but why? And then if you want to change things, you have no energy. I'm just gonna dilute your energy down to like ground zero. So it feels like you're dying every day just to brush your teeth, and you have to do this while everyone's like being skinny and beautiful. And I get that that's a little bit of a dichotomy. Is that the right word for this podcast when I'm out here trying to be like, let's be authentic and real, let's tell the stories no one's told. And meanwhile, I'm like, but wait a minute until I can fit into my skinny jeans that aren't on trend anymore. But also I want to look cute when I record myself on the YouTube and all of the things. So just bear with me. And I am gonna say that a lot because that's the name of the podcast. So I get to say it, okay? My commitment to you though is if you stick around, we will set trends. Yeah. I'm hoping. Um I can't make any promises. As I've told you, I told you that I would release this in January, and here we are, it's April. So I'm a little behind the times, a little behind the goal setting. It takes me 4,000 years longer to do what everybody else is doing. And I don't know what to tell you about that. It's just the way it is. I would like to have a name. Even if there's four of us, I feel like there's power in numbers. You know, Gaga has little monsters, Taylor has Swifties. Can we have like bear babes or Colorado Claire Bears? Though, does that exclude men and the rest of the world? I don't know. I don't know. We that's just kind of the tip of the iceberg, a brainstorming. We gotta let it simma, simmer down, and we'll just think on that. Drop it in the comments. Oh my gosh, I can't believe it's a drop it in the comments. Just that easy. Like, follow, subscribe for more. Don't because I don't know what I'm doing. I will probably put out like things on the internet once every five years, but I'm trying. I'm trying to do what everyone else is doing. Am I going to do it as good as everyone else? No. I don't even know what a substack is. Is it a is it an X? Are we still calling it X? Are we calling it Twitter? I have no idea. Can we just go back to poking people on Facebook? You know? How many times can I say, you know? But if you stick around, I think it's gonna get better. Can I make any promises that I can try? That's all I can do. And whoever has my voodoo doll, if you don't mind just putting it aside, maybe for like a couple months, let me get this show on the road. And you can get back to poking pins in it and stabbing it and frying it in a frying pan. Okay, now that I've been yapping for like 10 minutes, I say we jump into the who, what, where, when, why, how. I know there's a name for that collected grouping, but I don't know what it is. So I say we jump in, we'll talk about it, and then let's get this show on the road, shall we? Should I throw that applause button in? No, I don't know how to do it at this point and probably mess everything up. And I'd have to record this for the 18th, millionth time. I know the number keeps growing, but just go with me, I'm a little bit of a drama queen. So one time long ago, somebody said the world needs more people to do what makes them come alive, and then the world will come alive. And I have a lot of things that make me come alive. But yapping and telling my life story in a hilarious way is one thing that like I really love. I love doing that. I love laughing. And after all I've been through, I know that even if I'm in hell, I can laugh while I'm there. And I think that's like a honed-in skill. And so I realized at a young age that I've had a very different childhood than most. And then that childhood turned into young adulthood, which was also was plagued with a little bit of trauma drama. Then I move into like middle age, being an adult, which I still felt 14, a little bit of the my Michael Jackson syndrome, if you will, still a little bit of trauma. Is this trauma and drama at the hands of my own? Yes. Is it at the hands of the universe? Also, yes. So some of it is like life is like, here's all these blessings. And then I'm like, but let me just finger paint with them. And so I'm gonna tell you those stories, but I'm also gonna tell you the stories of the universe being like, and you get a trust fund, and you get a trust fund, and you get a live parents, and you, Claire, get a nice heaping spaghetti of trauma. Nice, moist, fabulous, like big old plate of it. Yeah. And let's see what you do with this gift that I'm giving you, this unique, crazy wild gift. And to that I say I'm making a podcast with it, you know? Too much is given, much is expected. And so I guess y'all expect me to blast my dirty laundry on the internet. And here I am doing just that. But I want to create a community here of people that have gone through these different stages in life and so that they feel less alone. We're gonna talk about divorce, infidelity, infertility, cancer, substance abuse, uh, personality disorder, trauma, all SA, you name it, we can talk about it, okay? And I'm not saying that I'm like the end all be all that has experienced it at all, but like I will try anything once. You know, I'm that person that's like, I'll give it a whirl. And then trauma ensues, which you would think would happen, but somehow my brain just hasn't learned that after the 4,000 millionth episodes of like being like, I'll take the candy from a stranger and then see what happens, and then we'll laugh about it. And when I lost my dad, I thought, okay, well, let me write a book. So if you've been a friend of mine and followed me on the socials, you'll know, like on Facebook, I'll really go there and write some essays occasionally of like love and happiness, and it's four paragraphs long, and then you'll be like, to be honest, I didn't read this, but it's beautiful and I like the image that you chose. But if you've been there, you know that like sometimes I'll be like this poetic Joan Diddian genius. And then sometimes I'm a JK Rawling using some graphic images, and then sometimes I'm Dr. Seuss making a funny punny rhyme. And then sometimes it's just like, I eat spaghetti today, 10 out of 10, you know. I don't know, am I feeling spaghetti or something? What's going on with me? So I thought about writing a book based on those like Facebook essays, and I got into that book writing, you know. And sometimes it would be like, wow, I'm really prophetic. Like these are wise words of wisdom. I know Oprah is gonna put me in her book club and someone's gonna make a movie on my life. But that was based on three paragraphs. I'd put it down, you know, life would ensue, pick it back up, and the next thing you know, I'm now making a rhyme. And it look sounds like I maybe ate an edible before I sat down to do this. And then some days it was very tragic. Like, this is the worst time ever. I'm so fat and ugly and I hate my life. You know, it was reading very much like I'm 13 and I have a diary. And that's hard to follow because there are moments, but you have to kind of like seep through all of that to find those moments that really matter. And then it's like, I'm not gonna put up all this time into it to send it to some Fiverr editor like Tim E, and then him just be like, no, I can't do anything with this. It has four sentences that make sense. So I thought, okay, let's do a podcast. And then this thing I can just yap, tell my life story. It's all in my same voice. Sure, should my mood fluctuate up and down? Yes. But then I can bring in the guest experts, you know, some people that can comment on things I've done in my past, friends and family that have been there along the way to kind of say, well, this is my experience and this is how it went. Yada, yada, yada. So that's kind of the idea of the podcast. It's kind of like an audiobook that never ends about my life story. And we're gonna start from the beginning and go chronologically, but we're gonna take different paths, you know, it's gonna have some little whines and wins and warnings and warm, sorry, you guys. I'm just leaving that in because I've edited this so many times that when I go off on a tangent and my voice doesn't work and my lips don't get the words out, I'm just gonna have to leave that in. Okay. But you get the point. We're gonna go on different paths and then we'll always come back to the main path, and then we'll just keep going. Because the other thing when I was writing my book, quote unquote, writing my book, life was just coming at me like a steamroller and it was just happening. And then I was trying to like rehash the past and then the future was coming at me, and it was a little intense. I didn't know which which lane to stay in. And so now we're just gonna take it day by day, we're gonna digest it together, and we're gonna go from there and we're gonna build a community off of these life experiences that I think we've all been through in our own unique way. And doubt has creeped in as doubt does, you know, when you're about to do something great. At least that's what they say. How true it is, I don't know. But there have been different layers of things that have prevented me from doing this. And I've had to really sit back and think like, is this something that I want to do? And there have been several instances along the way, very minute ones, of like, hey, I've been through this. Let me tell you how I've gotten through it. And then you can use that knowledge to make the choices that you're gonna make as you go through something similar. And so my goal in all of this is kind of to be a light in the tunnel, you know, not tell you how to do it, because then that deduces your life experience and your decision making and your empowerment. But I want to say, like, hey, I've been through that. I've seen this, I've walked this walk. Here's what I wish I would have done differently, and here's what I wish I would have done more of or less than. And I believe our job in this human experience is to be a light to the other humans around us, to share our communal experiences so that we elevate the world and we leave the world a better place. My hope is that we take the wisdom that the generations before us had and then we pass that down as a better version to the next generation. And I think that's our responsibility is to continue to leave the place better than we found it. Do I always do that?

unknown 16:03

No.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Do I always want to do that? Of course I do. So in this process and this practice and this experiment, I want to just not tell you how to get eight-minute abs or create this podcast and be a millionaire. I don't know how to do that. What I can tell you to do is I know how to laugh and make the most of the most miserable experiences and get through it and get on the other side and still breathe. Am I doing it well? No, as I mentioned, that looks like I've sucked on an air hose. Am I doing it with grace? No, I have crash outs on the daily. Even now, I think I've recorded this 18 million times and I think I had to put vodka in my coffee. Actually, I know that I did. Okay. So I'm doing that right now. Tell me just get through this, this first go round, okay? But here we are, we're in it together. I've always been very authentic and like this is my life. This is who I am. Ask me a question, I'll tell you the answer. For the most part, I've been truthful. There have been times that I've lied. And we'll get there, okay? We'll get there. Um, but what I want it to be is a place for mostly women and men. We're including you too, okay? Don't get sad. But mostly women's to be like, this is a safe place where I can be myself. Because I feel like we've been raised, you know, that Barbie monologue. It's like they tell you to be skinny, but not too skinny, and to be powerful, but not too powerful and be a boss bitch, but not mean. And it's really hard to check all those boxes and find balance in that. I don't believe there's balance in any of that. I think we need to get back to not competing with one another and be like, you know, I feel like if you watch this, what is it, Secret Wives and Mormon Lives, they're all kind of like competing each other while tearing each other down while saying, like, we're trying to influence women. And even one of the husbands that's not like real bright, he's like, why? You guys are literally tearing each other down. But I think that is a mirror and a reflection of what women deal with on a daily basis. It's like we get all the skinny jeans, we change our side part to a middle part, we get the botox, we get the lipstick, we get the rejuvenation facials, and then we go out into the world for each other, and then we gossip about each other, and then we're like, no, but we are women's empowerment. And it's kind of back asswards. And so I want to strip it down and I know you're like, Claire, you're saying that, but then you're not gonna get on camera with your chubby self. You're right. You are right, but at least I'm saying that that's the reason why, you know. I also think everybody else is podcasting. And I am a huge podcast listener. I love it. I love hearing about life stories. I love hearing what about what makes humans tick. And so I think the thing that I've learned about all of those things is like I want to be a phone-in and be like me too. And this happened to me. And is that a narcissism trade of a one-upper? Possibly. But I think I have so many things that I can contribute and relate to with so many people's stories, but mine's all in one, you know? It's not just this one chapter. I've lived kind of a very flavorful, colorful life. And I'm not saying that to brag or anything, and I'm not saying that I'm better or worse or anything. I'm just saying I've experienced these things and I want to talk about it. I want to help people feel less alone and I want to help people laugh through it and get through it so that they can survive this because a lot of this stuff takes people down. And I know that because I've lost friends along the way. And that's gonna be a part of the story and the journey. And it's really tough to see like your closest people and your tribe go the way of life that kind of took them under. And being selfish, I just want to say also, a lot of people have said, well, once I started talking about my story out loud, be it a TikTok, a book, et cetera, things changed. I healed. I think that healing comes from one, releasing the shame out into the universe and naming it and saying, Yes, I did this, it was wrong. I'm repenting, I'm changing. One, it holds you accountable. Two, it gives you a community of people for you to feel less alone. So I also think this kind of podcast journey is about me for you, for me, for you. So as I'm healing out loud, you can walk alongside me and cheer me on, or you can say, me too, I can cheer you on. Again, I want this to be a community. I want us to get something out of this. I don't necessarily want it to feel like a trauma dump. You know what I'm saying? Like, I want this to say, I want this to be a celebration of the things that we've gone through, the things that we're going through, and the things that we're overcoming. And you can't overcome any journey with no mistakes, with no hiccups, with no fails, with no falls. That is not, in my opinion, a life well lived. And lastly, this podcast of mine, I want it to be a legacy and a reminder of the things that I've been through. And while they were hard and they tried to take me out, and they were so, they felt so lonely and dark at times. I lived to breathe another day. And I have to tell you, and this is where we're gonna get a little serious, so sorry. There were moments this fall where I prayed to not wake up. And I know that's a sobering thought, and it's sad, and it is. And I had to go through it alone. There were no TikToks, no books, no secret angels that could come visit me in my dreams. I literally had to kind of live through that darkness so that light could be bright again. I believe that light and darkness have two shades. If you live in the dusk and dawn, that's great. But to me, it's like everything has two sides to it. The darkest darks give you the brightest lights. And so I went through that journey this past fall, and it was tough and it was hard. And it was a combination of all of the stress that had built up in my body, of not knowing what was next, of feeling like I didn't have control over anything, and just not wanting to do it anymore. I was exhausted. And I had to tell myself, get up. And I also had to be reminded you're waking up for a reason. Are you gonna waste it away by wishing you wasted it away? Are you gonna wanna sit on the bench because you're tired? Or can you just do one slide? Small step to live out your purpose that was designed for you for this life. And that's what I believe. I believe that we each have a purpose. And the closer that we get to it, the world becomes in sync and magical. We just have to kind of live out that purpose. And I wish there was a fortune cookie that told us what it was and which choice to make. But that's the human experience. That's life is making the mistakes. And again, I sound like a Tony Robbins, but failure is the first attempt at learning. And so I think failure is not just a fail, but it's proof that we're living. It's proof that we're trying. You know, nobody, if you don't try, you can't fail. You also can't win. And I think this fall I got to a place where I wasn't trying. I didn't want to play the game because it was too exhausting. The ups and downs are hard. But I also know that you can't always be on a winning streak. There's no fun in that. All of the movies, everything, it's about the roudies of the world. It's about all of those sports movies where they lose, lose, lose, and then they're like, we won. Do I think that's going to happen at the end? I don't know. I don't have a crystal ball. But sometimes the journey is not about the end result, but about the effort in between. And sometimes that effort in between, the doing day in and day out, the going to the practices, the trying, the being the better today than you were the day before, it gets really freaking hard, especially after doing it for so long. And I didn't want to do it anymore. I was so tired. I was so tired. I was so exhausted. I just wanted to be done. And I finally had to change my mindset and think, okay, I've got something to contribute. What is it? I don't know. Is this it? I don't know. But I'm giving it a whirl. And if this doesn't work, on to the next. You know, there's limitless possibilities in this life. And we just got to grab the bull by the horns and let's rodeo. I'm hoping that I can learn the ways of the technological world and somebody comes alongside me and says, let me help you a little clear. And I can be better about recording this. My hope is to get it out every week. It's a little ambitious. And whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could just give me, just give me a few weeks to get this going and then go crazy, you know? Just give me like an opportunity to get this out there and have people sponsor me. Just one sponsor, you know. I don't want to go back to flight attendant training if I don't have to. I will. I mean, I guess I can try something else. I wasn't very good at being on time. And again, that's part of the story we'll get there. There's some funny flight attendant stories. It was one of the most amazing careers of all the careers. But I mean, I've run the gamut from like, I I worked it as a receptionist at a funeral home, photographer, event planner, all of the things. Anything you think of, I've probably done it. Though I haven't been a waiter, I have at the Junior League, but I've never done weight stuff. Maybe it's my time to shine in pouring some waters and like taking specialty orders. And the wear is kind of weird to talk about, but I'm gonna record it from my home and then hopefully you can watch it on the things. Like I'll create all of those internet platforms. Is it gonna be today? No, I'm I've still have to record this a bunch of times because I'm probably gonna get it wrong and then send it to Rasheed on Fiverr, and he's gonna say we record it a hundred times. So again, I'm I'm just really trying. But I'm recording it from my home, and my home kind of looks like a disaster. But what if like you guys pay and I can put like your face behind me and be like, this week's episode is sponsored by Mrs. McDonald. Look at here. And she does interior design or something. I don't know. Or my pool looks like a swamp right now. It needs a total makeover. So maybe you can be like, Smith Pool Company coming at you live. I'm here outside by my brand new pool by Smith Pool Company. Again, what I'm trying to tell you is do you want to be a sponsor? And I would like to have like an agent and like a little thing, and that's I'm manifesting it, you know, dreaming big, shooting for the stars, landing on the moon. No, shooting for the moon, landing on the stars. You know what I'm saying? So I'm hoping that happens. But for now, if you just want to Venmo me, whatever, like $100 and then tell me what to say, I'll say it. You know, I could be like, dun dun, dun, dun, dun, hey, James here saw a cat at the rodeo and wants to get your number. Contact James. Here you go. Link in bio. I don't know. I just said link and bio because like that's the slang and I wanted to say it. But I'm gonna record it from the home. I'm hoping to have guests come here, but likely they're gonna have to zoom in or whatnot. And again, they don't want to be named. And you know, even I asked my sister and she's like, I don't know. It sounds a little scamilous. And then if I ask my mom to come on, she'll be like, I don't know. It was one of eight of you guys. It's been hard to remember. I gotta go read my book. But once I get it together, I'm telling you, you should sponsor this podcast. And like, I'll be like, and now break, you know, I can really do this for us. Let's make it happen. Let's just make this our project. By our project, I mean my project, but you know, we all kind of contribute a little. I guess that's just my way of saying like, does anybody want to help me with my home project? But truly, the way that we're gonna make this work is we're gonna have to kind of like, I gotta pay my bills. So like, subscribe, follow, share, sponsor, all of the things, and we'll make this work. And eventually when I get a hold of Tim E or move to a different person on Fiverr, I'm thinking I can sell merch. And so maybe you can buy a hoodie or two. And yeah, they're probably gonna be way overpriced for the crappy hoodie that I buy and make on Canva, but I think you should do it so that I can keep doing this, you know? And then lastly, I'm gonna tell you, do you think that I'm gonna talk about you? I 100% am. If I've never met you and you live in West Virginia, I'm still gonna talk about you. And I'm telling you this so that you continue to listen to every single podcast, maybe twice, once over to make sure you weren't named, you know? So if you're thinking that you're gonna be named in the story, you are. I'm not gonna actually use your real name or identity because I did have a lawsuit that I went through and they said I can't do that. And so I'll probably give people names and probably the wackier the name, the person I don't like that person that much. But if I give them a good name like Princess Diana, I probably love them so much. So we can kind of figure that out from there. But yeah, if you guys just want to keep listening, I will talk about you every single episode. Just make sure you comb through line by line by line, like, follow, subscribe, all of the things, you know. You're gonna be in the story. Even if I've never met you, listen along because you'll be named. Is that likely to happen? I don't know, but let's manifest it, you know. Otherwise, you'll probably see me working at your local cracker barrel being like, hey, you want them eggs? But let's give this podcast a whirl, you know? Crazier things have happened to me, and I've had some bad luck, but I've had some great luck. And so you never know. Let's just go for it. Let's see what happens. But there are some terms and conditions, so let's talk about those next. So I'll tell you, you might not want to listen to this while your children are in the car. Because sometimes I like to say a big old cuss word just right in the face, you know? And if you're anybody like me, it sometimes feels so rebellious and good just to let out a big bomb, you know? I'm not gonna do it all the time. I'm gonna save it for them when the moment's right. I do like the people that cuss every other word in a podcast. It makes me feel like, ooh, I love you. You're so ratchet and wild. But I'm gonna save it for those moments that really call for it and need it. You know, just a big old what the you get what I'm saying, right? So I would say like just be weary. I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life, but around kids and whatnot, I don't know if this is the podcast for like family car time. I don't know that, you know, when you're in the carpool pickup line, you could listen to it. I'd turn it down a notch because I don't know if you know this, but we can hear your conversations when we don't have anything playing in our car. We can hear you talking to your friend about me in your car that has happened before. We'll get to that. We'll get to that. Is this work appropriate? No. I'd go ahead and put the pods on and just pretend you're looking at spreadsheets and really doing something on Canva while you have your like ear pods on and then you listen that way because it might get a little crazy at times. There might be things that you don't want the universe to hear that you're listening to. If my family and friends are like, I don't know about going on your podcast because I don't want anybody to know that I was part of this whole process, you probably don't want to be caught listening to this. You know what I'm saying? It's just gonna be kind of more for your like hot girl walks, when you're going on a long drive, when you need something to listen to to kind of keep you company. But just beware of where you're listening to this. Now, do I want you to shout it from the rooftops that you did listen to this podcast? Absolutely, because I want a new pool. But I also don't want you to get in trouble. And I don't want your kids to ask you, like, what's a bush? And we're gonna talk about that. So that's kind of just a little terms and conditions apply. So once you hit like, subscribe, follow, play, you're getting into this. You're signing up for this, even though you don't know, even though you didn't read the fine print, even though there probably isn't fine print, and I'll be the one getting sued. It is the process of it all. Okay. So I just want you to know and be aware of that. Now the other thing is, is if you're at up at 3 a.m. like I am, with you know, your hormones all a mess and you can't sleep because you're having anxiety and you're like, you know what, I have an idea. Let me research Claire's life. I can go down and follow this rabbit hole and see what she did on 23andMe and look at her post from 2018 and put this together and this together, and now I know who these players are. Don't do that. Don't do that. Find a hobby. I'm telling you, it's not gonna be that exciting. I also am telling you it is gonna be that exciting, and I will talk about you, so keep tuning in so I can get the sponsors so I can redo the pool and so that I can live my best life, so I can get an $80 million sponsorship, you know, from like Spotify or Barstool or something. But actually don't go down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out all the pieces. Because I am that girl that doesn't know how the internet works and I haven't deleted anything, and you really could figure it out in probably 30 seconds, but I'm asking you not to. Because if 40 of us watched a car accident happen, let's just say all 40 of us go outside, we see this whole thing. There's gonna be 40 different versions of the truth. And then there's God's version, right? But we don't know that version until hopefully we meet God at the end of our life. But right now, we're just dealing with the information that we have, and that's just 40 different truths. This is my truth. This is what I went through, this is my perspective. I am gonna talk about people in my story, they are real stories slash allegedly. I'm pretty sure a lawyer will tell me that. And I don't have a lawyer because I can't afford one. So it's just the chat GBT version of a lawyer. But allegedly these are real stories, but the names have been changed because I did get sued and I can't use real names and I can't use identifying material. But you could go on Beyond Site's internet and figure this all out, okay? But I'm asking you not to because this is just my perspective. It's my story, it's my truth. If those people want to create a podcast, they can. Or they can come on my podcast, which already all of my friends and family have been like, I don't know, Claire. What have you gotten yourself into now? So I'm just asking you to not dox these people. Is doxing the right terminology? I don't know. Again, I'm rocking my side part and since Kinney Jeans slash leggings slash haven't been shopping in five years. So just respect people's privacy, don't bother them, even though you could. Now, if you want to create a Reddit about me, I would love that because I feel like every single influencer blogger has a Reddit post of like, this is what really happened. She's a liar. So I wouldn't mind a Reddit because that feels like, ooh, I've made it. I got a Reddit post of people making assumptions about my life and lies, you know. But I'm not lying to you. I am gonna be honest, maybe too honest at times. But if you want to create a Reddit and people can weigh in on the Reddit, I would love that. Make your name like Molly Moss 826. You know, I love that for us. And I would feel so celebrated if I had a Reddit about me. You don't have to go out and create it now. Like, let's wait until we get into some juicy content and get that Reddit thread going. And I will be like, I'm coming out. I want the world to know. Oops, trying not to sing into this microphone, even though I want to just belt out some Adele music and be discovered at like 45 from a podcast in my singing voice. Again, if anybody can create a Diddy, turn my story into a movie book, tell Oprah, and then again make me a singer-songwriter deal, I would love that. I would love that. Let's do that manifestation. Oh, and also do the redo the pool. That's what all my plans are. A gal can dream, can't she? Anyways, back to the terms and conditions. So the next part is I want to tell you. After we don't dox people, if I'm even using that terminology correctly, but you know, don't go down the rabbit hole researching my life. It's not that exciting. Just take my word for it. And if you don't want to take my word for it, like, subscribe, follow, and drop in the comments, and then I'll address them, possibly. Again, I have 60, no, 71,000 unread emails. So if you comment, I could respond, I could not. But again, I truly believe a fairy godmother is gonna come down from the heavens and help me like answer comments and answer my emails and pay my bills, and life will be the greatest. In summary, what I'm saying is listen to the podcast, listen for your name, even though it'll be hidden in a secret, even if I don't know you, just keep listening so I can get the listenership up. And then also uh don't like take my word for it, but also know that my word is my word, but don't do your own research. And if you do, get on the Reddit thread and make me Reddit famous, kind of like in your hidden ways, you know? Cause I'll probably never see it, because I'm not gonna go digging that far. I have 71,000 unread emails and I don't know what to do with that. And so if it's probably not gonna, I need to be spending my time going through that and not the Reddit. But I would feel very famous if there was a Reddit post about me, even if it was incognito. So in review, I might drop a few cuss words. This is probably not the podcast you want to blast in public. I would save it for some private time, some alone time, just one-on-one, me and you bonding. And then also don't go down the rabbit hole of like researching all of this. Take my word for it. And I know that's really why would I do this in 2026 when everything's a conspiracy theory? I don't know. If you do go down a rabbit hole, good for you. But please, please be kind. Be kind. That's all I want everybody to do in the world, is just be a little kinder to everybody and know that we're all fighting a battle nobody knows about. Mine being this podcast, like trying to enunciate and record and figure out how to edit and then sending it off to create an RSS feed. It's very confusing. But again, if that's my biggest problem, in addition to figuring out how I'm paying my bills and that my pool is a swamp, you know, hashtag blast. And with that in mind, of kindness and being understanding and doing a collective healing and giving me a big sponsorship to just say your name here via Venmo until I can get my brand kit up. I want to also tell you that my goal is to be a bright light in people's lives, to create a community, to have laughter and fun while we go through and live these experiences that feel like the depths of hell. All that to be said, in those moments, I might be offensive. And I don't know that I'm being offensive, you know? It's like I might say something that's like super weird and out there, and then it's like, oh, she said this. Let's cancel her. If you do, just post it on the Reddit. Remember, I'm trying to be internet famous, incognito on the Reddit. But also, if you will create a dialogue, and here's my opinion about this, and I'm not really gonna get into politics because I have a whole thing about that. Um, we might touch on it here and there, but we will dive into faith. Okay, back to politics. I will say this. I think they keep us at war with each other on fighting about minuscule things. Minuscule, is that a word or is that the knee part? Anyways, I think they have us fighting about stupid little things that really don't affect the big picture. And that's how they keep us like confused and abused. And it's the power versus us. I don't think it's right versus left anymore. And again, this is probably when you can hit unfollow, but here I am just wanting the world to be a better place. And with that being said, I might say things and do things that are offensive. If you will open up a dialogue versus cancel me, which again, if it's four people canceling me, they can probably text me and be like, you said some really offensive things. Okay, great. But what I'm trying to say is I think what the world needs is more listeners and a little less talkers, you know. But if somebody brings up an issue, our job to solve that issue is to be a good listener. And so I might just be talking off the cuff into this microphone that I want to be Adele in. And then you're gonna be like, oh, you said this one thing. It just didn't land well. Great. Text me, call me, DM me, message me. Probably don't email me because it's gonna go into the wayside of emails. But send me a Harry Potter Al with a message and I will write back, or we can discuss it here on the podcast. I would love nothing more than to do like more problem solving. I think that's what the world needs right now. We're all putting out our problems, but we're not putting out a whole lot of solutions, except getting facelifts and doing GLP ones, which are our solutions, right? But I want to do more of like, hey, just change this little shift here and that creates this big shift here. And do I know those shifts? Cause am I doing it? No, I still have trouble brushing my teeth and brushing my hair in the morning. But what I'm trying to tell you is is like, yes, I'm human. I'm gonna say things that are like, ooh, eat. And you're gonna have to. I'm sorry if that got annoying. ASMR, right? Misophonia. Uh, misophonia. Okay, in the singing. Sorry, sorry, I'll stop. But what I'm trying to say is I will probably say things that get a little offensive and that are like just don't land. And I'm human, and let's have a dialogue and let's even go deeper and solve that problem on the pod. I would love that, right? Would you love that? I would love that. All that to be said, there is the pause, unfollow, don't want to, moving right along into Joe Rogan's podcast. Go be a bro. Joe Rogan is like, oh yeah, I was watching MA and I saw her punched in in the literally, he's the number one podcast for a reason. I think people like to hear that. Okay. They probably don't want to hear my stories and my kindness and me wanting to like solve the world's problems by being one collective unit and living out our purpose. I don't know. I don't know. But again, we all watched Love is Blind this past season, right? They focused on all the trauma and not that cute couple that is gonna make it and have live until they're like 500 and like live the best, happiest marriage five lives over. And that's life. We like the shock value, which here I'm bringing it to you because I got it, but I'm gonna turn it into that love is blind couple and make goldness out of boldness. Is that a thing? I'm gonna turn lemonade out of lemons. I don't know. I'm talking too much. My mouth is getting like a little right now, but that's where we're going with this, right? We're gonna take some really crazy things and we're gonna turn it into greatness. That to me is the purpose of the human experience. That is the purpose of my face. And by face, I meant faith. It just didn't come out right, but it's the purpose of my face, too. My face and my faith. Anyways, you guys get the point. And so what I'm trying to tell you here is I have the best of intentions. Is it always gonna come across right? Probably not. Can we have a conversation? Yes. Does this give me a free-for-all? Absolutely not. Chime in, tell me, give me feedback. I love that. That's how we continue to grow together and I get my pool paid for, you know? And I've said it once and I'll say it again. There's always the skip right along, move it right along. This isn't for you. You don't like it. You don't have to like it. I'm not putting it out here for you to like it. I told you this is for me, for you, for me, for you. I want to heal. I want to talk about my story. I want to help people out. If it doesn't, I still have a record of a legacy that I lived in this life and the resilience and what I've overcome and how I've handled it. And that's kind of what I wanted to do with a book, but I'm now doing it here yapping on the internet. And last certainly but not least, I have a child. This said child thinks that I went to a one-room school in a prairie, Laura Ingelweiler style, and I wrote notes to people on a typewriter. I mean, I wish I did not have a typewriter growing up. It was more of like, remember how we used to fold the notes and we would tuck that little piece in the pocket? It was pencil and paper back in the day. And yes, he's not wrong for thinking that I am I am so of the analog era because I am. But I do want to say this regardless of what my kid thinks about me, I don't think he's racing to the internet to hear my life story. I think it'll be here when he's ready. And I think it is going to serve a purpose that he thinks I'm literally the least cool person that he knows of all of his lifetime right now. And I think eventually that will change. And hopefully he'll be like, oh, well, let's do a deep dive into what my mom, and then I'll get bored, right? Because he's a dude and he doesn't want to hear about hormones and weight gain and skinny jeans. He just doesn't. It's just not him. But what I'm trying to tell you is don't be that mom that is chatting it up with your girls and your boys that are school age and being like, well, Claire Bear, Claire on the internet, because I do have a kid, you know, and I don't want him to find out any of this information until he's ready. And he can go on the platforms when it's time and he can listen to it. But if you go on and tell your kids, who tells my kid, I I have no respect for you at that point. This is for entertainment purposes only. Again, I've heard that on TikTok, and so I'm just trying it out. It feels good to say, but I don't want you to use this as a weapon to weaponize anybody. Not my enemies, not me, not my child, not the people that are friends, foes, pimps, and hoes in my story. So I just want you to take this in, use it for entertainment, use it for community, use it to brighten your day if that or not brighten your day. I mean, part of these stories are when I was overserved as a young adult, I would and it Served by myself because I went to the bar and ordered the things. I would um kind of wake up with like some salsa crested in my hair and the pack of chips ahoy just crumbed out as a trail from the table to my where I slept on the couch. And then I would wake up and be like, hmm, I wonder what happened in the last 12 hours. And then I would slowly piece the pieces back together. And I was like, oh, this is bad. I feel bad and I have a headache and I'm dehydrated. And then I would want McDonald's, which would make me feel even worse. But then I would tune on intervention and be, mmm, at least I'm not um shooting things into my toe veins and thinking there's gonna be an alien invasion. So again, that could be offensive to people. I'm not making fun of those people on intervention, but I am saying, like, sometimes I would tune it to hoarders or intervention or something like that. And I get it, that's a disease, it's a mental illness, and I'm not using that to drag me down, but I am using it to be like, hey, I don't think there's an alien invasion. Like I am screwed up right now, and I went through the McDonald's drive-thru twice, and I am having salsa encrusted in my hair that I cannot wash out right now. But I also don't think there's an alien invasion. So at least on one small scale, I'm winning. So if I can't brighten your day by my stories that get you through it as a community, at least you can be like, let's see how horrible life could be on the other side of just getting this beasting. You know what I mean? It'll give you perspective to be, who I have it bad, but like she has it real bad, you know? So all that to be said, my friends, foes, and pimps and hoes, that was the first episode. It's kind of the dive in. It's going to get better, I think. Can't make any promises because again, I don't own my voodoo at all. Some enemy somewhere out there does. But I think this is gonna be an exciting endeavor. Let's give it a whirl, let's see where this falls off. It's probably gonna be in like three weeks. You'll never hear from me again. But keep tuning in, try it out. Let's go for it. Right now, if you created the jingle or helped me figure out these technicalities and know that this is not a doppelhanger and not a jingle janger, like I could be shouting you out right here at this moment. You'd be like, dun, dun, dun, dun. Okay, thank you for the producer. Ba-da-bada ba-ba-ba. But it's not that because I don't have that. I'm just starting out. So shall I pay play the jingle jangle again and then we can just exit? Tune in next time. We're gonna just start. We're gonna jump right in to my mom's vagina as we talk about when I was born, you know, the start of this. We'll go into a little history about my parents' life, and then we're just gonna be bop right on into the story and let it begin. And then I'm hoping to bring in some experts and friends and foes in the future episodes. But for now, just know your name could go here. I could be recording this on YouTube and you could see the pool behind me that you you sponsored. In fact, you can tile in your brand logo in my pool. Just Venmo me for now, because again, to me and the website, you know, we're we're working through that. But by the time you listen to this, I hope that everything is great in your life and everything is great in your world. And I can't wait to go on this journey with you, even though it's taken me a long time and this is not perfect. But we are celebrating the imperfections and we are just going for it. Are you ready to exit this? Let me see if I can do this little jingle. Here we go. Oh yeah. Thank you all for listening so much. This has been the Claire Bear Podcast, directed and written by Claire O'Malley. Special support by her friend who keeps texting her where's the podcast gonna be released? And a little furball named Johnny, the other half of Johnny and June, and June was stolen from me, but that's another day. Hey, thank you all so much. Let's do this. It's 2026, everyone's having a podcast, so why not bear it all on the internet? Have a great day.