When You Feel Spiritually Tired: Faith, Pressure, and Finding Your Way Back

There are seasons when you’re not just tired…

You’re emotionally stretched thin.
Running on fumes.
Trying to keep going while carrying pressure, responsibility, fear, trauma, and expectations all at once.

And sometimes… faith feels tired too.

In this deeply honest conversation, Laura sits down with Atlanta-based alternative hip-hop artist Ashton Stevens to talk about emotional exhaustion, spiritual pressure, fatherhood, healing, identity, and the tension of trying to hold yourself together while standing at the edge emotionally.

Centered around Ashton’s powerful song Edge, this conversation explores:

• emotional regulation and overwhelm
• spiritual exhaustion
• pressure, anger, and emotional control
• trauma and survival patterns
• faith in the middle of mental fatigue
• fatherhood and responsibility
• healing without pretending everything is okay
• what it means to stay grounded when life feels heavy

Ashton shares openly about the emotional tension behind his music and the importance of honesty, reflection, and trusting God while navigating difficult seasons.

This episode is not about pretending life is easy.

It’s about learning that even at the edge… you are not alone there.

There’s a difference between being at the edge…

and being alone there.

Counter Pause 

Let’s pause for a moment.

Take a slow breath in…
and let it out gently.

If you can, rest your hand over your heart.

And just notice:

Where do you feel stretched too thin right now?

Not where you should be stronger.
Not where you need to fix something.

Just… where you’re tired.

(breathe)

God is not absent in that place.

Even if it feels quiet.

There’s a difference between being at the edge…
and being alone there.

Blessing

May you be honest about where you’re tired.
May you release the pressure to hold everything together alone.
And may you discover that even at the edge…
you are still held.

About Ashton

Ashton Stevens is an Atlanta-based alternative hip-hop artist originally from the Florida Panhandle. Known for his introspective style, Ashton creates music rooted in faith and real-life experiences. His work centers on emotional regulation, purpose, and personal growth, using music as a tool for healing, reflection, and truth.

Connect with Ashton:
https://www.ashtonstevens.com/

His single Edge - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hb-IrWD_RYo

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Welcome to At the Counter with the Baking Pastor.

SPEAKER_03 0:06

I'm Laura. Pull up a chair. There's no rush here. This season we're sitting with the hard days. The ones that don't resolve quickly. The ones that change us in ways we we didn't ask for. Here at the counter, nothing needs to be fixed.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

You don't have to have the right words. You don't have to have it all figured out.

SPEAKER_03 0:35

You can just come as you are and stay a while. This is hard days at the counter. There are seasons when you're not just physically tired, you're spiritually tired.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Not because you've walked away from God, but because life has asked more of you than you knew how to carry. Responsibility, pressure, emotions that don't neatly resolve. And somewhere in the middle of it all, your faith doesn't disappear. It just feels worn. Today's conversation sits right there. Today I'm joined by Ashton Stevens. He is an Atlanta-based alternative hip-hop artist, originally from the Florida Panhandle. His music is deeply introspectively rooted in faith and real life experiences and shaped by themes of emotional regulation, purpose, and personal growth. He uses his music as a way to process what's real, not just what sounds good, and as a tool for healing, reflection, and truth. His single Edge captures the tension, honestly, the presence of responsibility, the weight of emotions, and what it feels like to keep going when you're stretched thin. Ashton, I'm so glad you could pull up a chair at the counter today. So I want to start with your song Edge. There's a line that just sits with me. I'm on the edge right now. When you wrote that, it feels like you were holding a lot at once emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Can you share?

SPEAKER_01 2:22

The irony behind this is that's one of the lines that I didn't actually write. That was the first line that I recorded before the track, and I didn't know what direction I was going. Um, I had the idea as far as the sound of the song, but I had no idea what the song was gonna be about. And I just felt led to just get on the microphone and just go. And whatever comes out, let that be the lead. And that was the first thing that came out of my mouth. And it was more of just a free flow. So even when you hear the hook, that is literally just me going on the mic and just um just going. And um, that was the first line that came. I'm on the edge right now, and uh, it was a clear representation of where I was at that moment and how I was feeling.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

I can imagine not just you, but how many people out there are are also feeling like they're on their edge. And it's one of those tender tight rock work, tight ropes, you've got to walk. And you were able to masterfully share your lyrics and get your thoughts out, but not everybody's able to do that. If you could suggest one thing to help people be able to name their emotions and start using them, what would you tell them?

SPEAKER_01 3:44

It was a process for me, even myself. Even though I have music as an outlet, I had to learn how to regulate my emotions. I think one of the things that God taught me was to in a sense, I I guess the simplest way I can say it is just be real about how you feel. Sometimes it's not even just um hiding from your emotions, but sometimes you don't even know um what emotions you're feeling at the time. Because when I was feeling this, I didn't, I wasn't aware of what I was feeling. I was going more off the results. Um, just noticing that I've had more of an attitude lately, just noticing that my patience is just a little bit thinner. Then you get to kind of asking yourself, like, okay, why is this? What's going on? And then, you know, you get deeper. Oh, this is why I'm feeling like this. And kind of just taking a moment. Um, the way I felt going through this process is just like me and you sitting right here, and the Holy Spirit is on the side of me, and he's kind of coaching me, going through my soul. I'm going through each part of it. Okay, this is why you this is how you feel. Why do you feel this way? Go deeper. And then you you go deeper, and it's like, this is why I feel go deeper. And then eventually you'll find yourself all the way back to your childhood, and um, he's kind of just revealing things to you, and I'm like, oh snap, I didn't even realize this. This is way deeper than I thought. I thought I'm just feeling this way because it feels like since I've had children, it kind of goes full circle. And I feel like children kind of bring things out of me that stem from my childhood that I never paid attention to. It's having to face that because at the same time, we're breaking cycles too. You know, our parents are human and their parents are human. And there are aspects of things that were being passed down that were done incorrectly. And it's like God not only regulating us, but regulating our family tree. This is the proper way to raise children. And it's not the same, it's not a black and white thing. And I don't feel like every child is the same as well. And I feel like that's what he's been teaching us, but at the same time also teaching us ourselves because we're we're having to look in the mirror and uh do a full spectrum. So I feel like for me, one of the things I do, obviously prayer, but not only just prayer, but sometimes just meditating, sometimes it's listening. Sometimes we we get in front of God and we we do a lot of talking. You know, we just spill out everything, which is great. And there's a definitely a time and place for that as well. But sometimes you have to sit back and kind of just listen. Take a moment because he's he has that quiet voice. So you have to quiet everything else down and get in a certain state to even hear what he's trying to tell you. And then another thing I've started doing about I say probably about five years now is just journaling. Um, and there's no rhyme or reason to it. I'm just writing my day, I'm writing thoughts, I'm writing feelings, I'm writing passages, whatever, whatever comes, I'm writing it out. But I'm being intentional on making sure that I keep up with it. And then I'll go back and I'll read maybe a week, maybe a month. But it's interesting to see in the mind state that you're in at that time, and it kind of helps you analyze yourself. And you also kind of catch traits too, tendencies. And um, that's that's one of the main things I I always suggest. I'm definitely journal. Just write your thoughts out, write your life out. You'll be surprised at the things that that you'll see and the things that you'll notice, you know, some things really stand out to you.

SPEAKER_03 7:09

When you said you feel like the Holy Spirit right here, I got chills because I I feel him all around.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

But you also said something that I'm so glad you said. You have to get quiet to hear him. We have a chaotic world, we've got people on every device, sometimes two or three devices at one time, and it's all just interference, and then people will say, Well, Laura, I don't hear God. Okay, or are you trying to? Well, yeah, but you have a specific time every day that you journal or read your Bible or or whatever, and you take time. Yes, really? Well, yeah, I journal and stuff, but but I'm talking to him, and then you said you have to be quiet and listen. And I think that's key, you know, because if you're doing all the talking in a friendship, which a relationship with God is a friendship, if you're doing all the talking, God can't get a moment in edgewise. But if you stop and you just worship while you're waiting, He can come and share and tell you and give you insights in your world. I'm a big fan of journaling too. I I tell my clients to journal, I journal. Because you're right, you can look back and you can go, oh dude, that was a season. I was not in a good season. Or wow, every time this happens, I get triggered to this. It shows you some amazing patterns, and I wish more people would journal, but maybe they'll they'll listen to you and do it. Dudes can journal too. It's okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Yeah, it's okay, dudes. We hold a certain position, but it's definitely important to make sure that uh you regulate. I feel like honestly, it's probably more important for us as men to regulate our emotions than anyone else because we are head of the household. So if we're in a state, the whole household is in a state. I notice that even in myself. I notice when I'm not where I'm supposed to be or I'm in a certain emotional state, everything in the house is going to chaos. Wife is in chaos, son is in chaos. Sometimes I even pay attention to chaos, and that makes me realize why is my house out of order right now? It must be it's obviously something with me. You know, I look back at Genesis, God checked Adam first, immediately off the rip. He checked Adam. He didn't go to Eve, he checked Adam. He was like, yo, where are you? What are you doing? He didn't go like, where are y'all? He's like, No, where are you? What are you doing? Why are you hiding? And um, I it's crazy because that's something that's it's even speaking of that's something that stood out to me. Um I was in Psalms, and I don't know what psalm I was in, but it was something that stood out to me that made me go back to Genesis. I never paid attention to that. And um, I think it was just the way God called Adam. It was kind of funny in a sense, because it's like it ain't like he don't know. Well, I always look at the intention of things. Why did God ask that? It ain't like he don't know, but it must be a reason. And it was revealed, it was like, oh, he was giving him a chance to, you know, come clean. It was like as I was reading, I'm like, oh, he's giving him every opportunity, just lay it out, bro. Like, just say it, you know, just say it. And then it gets to the point where he's like, yo, it's this woman you gave me, it's her fault. It's so money always trips me out because I'm like, yo, if that's not us.

SPEAKER_02 10:28

Yeah, we we always want to blame someone else, it's way easier.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Have you ever had a season where your faith felt tired? Not just your life, but your faith.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

And I'll say I go through several seasons where my faith is definitely tested, but I think where my faith was tired of is originally moving here to Atlanta. That's when I would definitely say one because I was uh I was still a baby. I'm still fairly young. But in faith, I was very, very, very much so a baby. Um so I didn't have much strength in my faith. I was just just now getting into it. And then I have this big test of God just saying, drop everything, move to Atlanta. Okay, cool. It's some things he told me, you know, you gotta you gotta give this up, you gotta give this up. Is I know what you asked me. So if this is what you want, then I'm gonna need you to sacrifice some things for me. And I'm gonna need you to get up, pack everything. I know you're used to this home. Um, you're used to Florida, and this is where you grew up at, this is where all your family at. But I need to bring you to a place that's unfamiliar, a place that's uncomfortable, um, but this is this is the place that's necessary for your growth. And so picking that up, that was one thing, taking that leap, and then moving here with like maybe like 500, maybe, maybe less than that. Um, leaving a great job that I had at the time. Um living out of living out of the basement and really making sure that I'm only working minute jobs, very minute jobs. Even though I could get this type of job, God was very specific. No, you're only getting these type of jobs because I don't want you to get comfortable. I need you not to get comfortable, and I need because this is only a temporary thing. And I would definitely say my faith was it was exhausting at that time period. Um, and it was a lot of times that, you know, I'm even coming to God, like, yo, man, look, I'm doing what you told me to do. Why am I dealing with all this hell right now? Like, I'm literally, I this is not what I even wanted. And you know, he'll tell me this is the process. Trust me, I'm getting you to where it's things that you desire, but I have my process that you have to go through. And this probably lasted, I'll say five to seven-ish years of just constant tests, constant prayer requests, and dealing with things that they would not necessarily answer. Like, and I and it's funny to me because people people be like, yo, you know, I pray to God about this and I ain't see anything. I'm like, well, keep keep praying. Like, it's it's like this is not a this is not just a one-time thing. You don't even know what what he has, you know, on the other side of whatever you're going through. He could what you literally desire could be right, you could be like literally right there on the brink of it. And you give up right before the finish line. But it was that was definitely the I'll say probably out of my whole life, the most I felt like my faith was exhausted. And uh it was definitely a endurance test, you know. And the things that I went through during that time period, I gained so much strength to the point that the things that I deal with today that probably would have killed my faith before feel like, you know, just it's like lifting weights. They feel like now I was doing a bench press what felt like 200. Now these things feel like a hundred pounds or 50 pounds, or you know, and it's not necessarily the weight going down, it's really you you're you're stronger now. And so that was just the journey.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

In your song, you're you're holding a lot at once. You say family, responsibilities, fatherhood, expectations, and your own healing. What does that kind of pressure do to a person's spirit?

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Yeah, um, it does a lot. Um and I think in your in your spiritual way, one one one thing I will say, it quickly sobers you. Um, because you're gonna be exposed for everything in your spirit that is not of God when you're being tested with so many things at one time. It's all gonna come out. You're definitely gonna have the mirror placed in front of you because you're gonna realize that certain things that may come out of you, and you realize, like, yo, wait a minute, where did that come from? Like, like, whoa, I don't even talk like that. Where did that come from? Like, what is that? And you know, guys kind of send back like great question. Let's go deeper into that, let's see what that truly is. Where did that come from? I I'll say one thing it does to your spirit is it cleanses you. Even though it is testing, it it feels very, very enduring to your soul and your emotions, to your spirit. It strengthens you, it cleanses you, and it brings you closer to God. Because God literally is making it where I can only depend on him. There's no other nothing I could depend on. There's no person I could talk to. There's no book I can read that would help me with this. It seemed like everything else I was trying to use as an outlet, it just wasn't working. I literally had to come to him, and I literally had to go by his every direction. On the regular stuff, day by day, like what we're eating today, what we're doing today, what am I wearing today? And I think it was just a test of him showing me, like, yeah, this is how it's supposed to be. Some of us have minds we're burdening, burning God, like with the minute things. It's like, no, uh, and God revealed, like, no, I want it all, like, all, like everything.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

And you said a couple things in that. You said when he brings something up, he has you go all the way back to where that first feeling came. And I think oftentimes people go, oh, I'm tired, or oh, that's how it was. We're not blaming parents, right? They raised us with the knowledge they they had. Obviously, things have changed and we've all grown, which is cool. But I love that you said he's helped you grow in him and how he's able to strengthen you and prepare you for for the next season. And even to the minute stuff. I mean, I chuckle because I consider every day I'm doing life with God. I have specific Bible time, devotion time, but then all through the day, it's like, Lord, did you see that butterfly? Or my cat was hysterical, or you know, I'll be driving down the road and just talking. And I know people are thinking, oh, she's singing or listening or on the phone, or I'm walking around the neighborhood. I know my neighbors must be thinking, she's gotta be missing a screw, she's talking, but I think it's true. You said you go to him for minute things, and you need to because some people, the first thing is something terrible happened. Let's go pray. No, no, no, no. You need to have that relationship where you feel comfortable going to him for everything, and that's hard.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Yeah, that that is. It's it's not it's not a natural thing. I I don't feel like um us being born into this world, it is a natural thing for us. It's something that you have to actually put work into to actually just like any other relationship, though. Um, you have to flower your relationship. You I couldn't just all of a sudden have my wife and be like, all right, I ain't spoke to you in a week, but uh we're cool, right? Like, nah, it's not gonna work like that. Like, nah, you have to you have to flower and strengthen your relationship. And it's at the same time when I first met my wife, I couldn't come to her as if she is my or like just immediately dump everything on her. We barely know each other. Let's get to know each other. Like, and I and I think some people don't take the time to actually like, I feel like that's where a lot of misconceptions of God come from. I'm like, have you had the time to actually listen to him, study his character? Because there's certain things you can tell, just like a person, there's certain pet peeves, there's certain things that he doesn't like, there's certain things that he loves. You will you will pick up on that. I'm like, God, I like that. I'm gonna keep doing that. God, the God's not too fond of that. Let me stop doing it. But it's just like any other relationship, it's certain things with me and my wife. We had to learn. She has certain pet peeves, so I'm like, okay, let me work on this. Even though I may not care about it, because she cares, it matters to me. That's something I had to learn. Because I was not big on that at first. I'm I'm a very, uh, I guess people say a nonchalant person. So it's a lot of stuff that doesn't really bother me like that. She is the opposite. There's some things that bothers her. And she's like, and I used to be like, ah, you just tripping. That's not that deep. But then she came to me one day and she was like, you know, if it's that deep to me, it should be that deep to you. And it made me pause for a second. I'm like, you know what? You're right about that. Even though I may not think that much of it, you think that much of it. And for the sake of how I care about you, I need to take that care and in that thought. You know, of course, it's not gonna be a perfect just one day, I'm gonna get it all together. But as we're growing, we learn each other. And then as we grow, we have to learn these new versions of each other because now you're this, now you're more mature state, and I'm in a more mature state. So there's certain ways we look about certain things we we're constantly learning each other. Now we learn each other as parents and learning how to keep the relationship in parent at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

So for someone who's listening who feels stretched thin, they're they're still showing up, they're still holding things together and kind of faking it, but inside they feel like they are right at their edge. What would you want them to know about that place?

SPEAKER_01 20:13

That place is where you will receive the most reward. And I know it sounds crazy when you're in that state. It doesn't seem like it at all. And I'm I'm with you. I do not like going through those states, but I understand that is where everything comes together. First thing I would say is be very honest. I understand we all have to put on, you know, um the role in a sense, but be honest with your feelings. You know, you don't have to fake it. It's okay to say, like, yo, I'm not I'm not in the best state today. I'm not okay. I'm really on the edge right now, and I and I need I need this to be understood. So be honest with not only yourself, but the people that's around you so they can know where you're at. Life still's gonna go on, but it's one thing people can't help if they don't know, you know, and I think especially me as a man, we carry a lot of stuff and we just put the face on and we're like, and you know, you know, people around us are asked, are you okay? You doing what I mean? We're like, yeah, you know. And these days it's almost becomes like a norm. I understand people say it and they not necessarily asking, it's more so of a greeting. But people that care about you ask, sometimes, you know, be honest with them. You know, I I'm very big on like, somebody, how you doing today? You okay? And I'm like, nah, I'm not. It though it catches some people off guard. They're like, oh, like, yeah, no, being very honest. I'm I'm not okay today. But that's okay. Like, that is okay. So I'll definitely say be honest and understand that it is a season. This is not something that's gonna last forever. This is not something that's gonna carry on into the everlasting. It's just this is a season right now. Understand this as any other season, this too shall pass. Eventually, you're gonna. Get through it. Being on the edge sometimes, the best thing about being on the edge is I know at least I know the direction I'm going from here. It's like hitting the bottom. At least I know when I hit the bottom, I'm only going up from here. It can't go any lower than here. I'm all the way rock bottom. So at least I know eventually I'm gonna start moving in this direction. One thing I will say is don't stay there though. You know, it's okay, it's okay to take the time, it's okay to realize it, but don't live there. Don't stay there.

SPEAKER_02 22:29

I'm glad you said it's okay to not be okay. I say that all the time, and I think people need to hear it from someone else. And I, as a pastoral counselor, when I how are you? And people go, I'm fine. They say it really quick like that. I'm like, no, you're not. I'm fine. I'm like, are you really? No. Well, everybody expects you you'd always be fine. I know that everybody expects that. You mentioned the Holy Spirit in the middle of your tension. And what does it look like to stay connected to God when your emotions feel like they're just everywhere?

SPEAKER_01 23:05

Yeah. Um it's like you say, your emotions are a roller coaster. The Holy Spirit is the anger. And a lot of times when you're over here, over there, over there, the Holy Spirit will literally center you. I'm like, okay, let's let's let's bring it back. I had to do that today. I woke up and it was just a lot going on. And I felt my mind just in every place, and I'm trying to get tasked at the task at the task. And I just stopped, Father, what am I supposed to be doing right now? Order this for me because there's no way I can focus on all these things at one time. I'm everywhere. My mind is running this way. I'm thinking about this. I'm also got this going on. It's like, what do you need me to do right now? And the Holy Spirit has a way of kind of just taking all of those rampant emotions and just calming and centering you. Your emotions are not the end all the be all, too. You know, that's one thing I had to realize. Like, just because you feel that way doesn't necessarily mean that that's what it is, doesn't necessarily mean that this is correct. It's okay to feel the way you feel, but you can't use your emotions at as law. And also on edge, that's why I say there's nothing worse than an emotional man. Because an emotional man and a person that acts off his emotions is very sporadic. I know people like that. It's like one day you're this person, the next day you're this person, the next day you might be a whole nother person. You're going with wherever your emotions is leading you. And I feel especially as a man, that is a dangerous place to be. That is a very, very, very dangerous place to be because our emotions are not. We have our emotions for a reason, for sure, but I think people confuse them in a sense of they're the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is always true, it's always right. He's always leading you to where you need to be. Your emotions, they may take you anywhere, they might take you the opposite. Now, the perfect place to be is when they're both aligned. That's the perfect place to be. That's not reality though. We're still human beings, we still have this on us. A lot of times your emotions can be influenced by so many different things, and that's why it is so important to make sure that you're allowing the Holy Spirit to regulate.

SPEAKER_02 25:09

I hear people say, Oh, I'm I'm mad or I'm angry, I'm anxious. And and then they they feel that that's who they are. You're not an angry person, you are just currently angry over something. Sometimes they let the emotions take over and and they become the anxious or the angry. And it's like, wow, please, let's let's keep them apart because that's not who God he made you to feel them, not to become them. And I think sometimes the lines get blurred on that. Would you agree?

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Yeah, for sure. For sure. I definitely agree with that.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

So I keep thinking about how many people are walking around all over the world holding everything together on the outside while feeling like they could just break apart at the moment. Not because they're weak or they've been strong for too long without rest, but maybe because their edge isn't failure. Maybe it's a place where something finally just needs to be named. And then once you name it, maybe in your journal, you can start working on it. Um, it's a challenge. We just we've talked about some heavy subjects. So let's take a pause and a slow breath in and let it out gently. And just notice if you feel stretched thin right now, maybe too thin, not where you should be stronger, not where you need to fix something, just where you are tired. God is not absent in that place, even if it feels quiet. Because God's always at work. There's a difference between being at the edge and being there alone. So, Ashton, was there a moment when you felt like you had nothing left to give?

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Yeah. Um, I would definitely say the last time I felt where I had nothing left to give was um right before the birth of my child. Um, before my first son, Jeremiah, he was born in um 2024. He just turned to April. Um, but before his birth, um, we had a miscarriage. And it was into almost the third trimester. And this was after uh multiple miscarriages. I'll probably say about four. And um, ironically, his name was Jeremiah as well. And once that happened, it was almost like a shot. And I really went through the point of like, I don't, I don't have, I don't have anything left in the tank. I don't think I have anything left to give. I don't think I even want to be a father anymore. I don't think I want to go through this anymore. And I really hit a point. Oh, I was tired. I laid it all out. That was definitely a moment where it was like, I I don't have anything left in the tank. I don't have nothing left to give. I really don't want to talk to anybody. I really don't want to be spoken to. I just want to just be left alone, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

In that space, did God feel present or did it feel super quiet?

SPEAKER_01 28:18

It was quiet, but I felt God being present. In that moment, God just allowed me to let everything out. I questioned him, I questioned myself. I lashed a lot, and ironically, this guy that people say is so like merciless, he didn't say a word. He sat. And after I let it all out, he just simply said, I'm here. I'm still here. And that in itself was everything that I needed, you know. Um, he didn't tell me that my feelings were invalid. He didn't tell me like, nah, you shouldn't feel that way. He didn't tell me like, pick yourself up, man. Pick yourself up, son. You'll be alright. He told me, I I vividly remember it was simply just, I'm here, and that was it. And I felt his presence. It felt like a hug, like just a hug. It's okay.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

I remember going through cancer. There were days that I just as I was struggling, I just felt like I crawled into his lap and he just held me. And some of my prayers sometimes were elaborate. During chemo, your brain does some weird stuff. Chemo brain, like you have a thought, and then it's gone. And some days the prayer would be real elaborate, and some days it would be, Lord, that's all I could get out. He knew my heart. He wasn't trying to fix it, he was just there for me. And that presence was so important. And when I work with folks now as a pastoral counselor, one of the things I like to do is hold the tension with people, with them. Think of it like holding a platter together, like a big Thanksgiving turkey platter. We hold the platter with all your junk on it during that time we're together, and we hold it, and you can deal with whatever you can feel. You're not alone, you're seen, you're heard. But at the end of the day, what we've not worked on, you're gonna take back until the next time we're together. That's what the Lord does with us when we're struggling in low places. Would you agree?

SPEAKER_01 30:18

Yeah, for sure. He's really good of not putting too much on you at one time. Um, I think about even my journey from the beginning, it's a lot of things that I had to be delivered from. Like, I think just like any of us are, we had, you know, just all of these excessive things. And I think it's funny to me when people look at other people and they, you know, it's so critical. It's like, well, you shouldn't be doing this, you shouldn't be doing that. And God has his process of delivering you from things. Yeah, I think of it like an addict, right? I dealt with uh uh addiction a lot growing up. I seen I had both sides. I had a lot of family that were addicts, I had some family that were drug dealers. So I seen both sides of it. And it's very similar to the process of going through on both ends because you're so used to a certain lifestyle that if it's taken all away at once, you you will have an adverse reaction because you've been dependent on something for so long. It's like somebody snatching a cord away, and it's a shock. And you people go through a certain type of shock. So it's kind of like I have to go process by process, step by step by step. And before you know it, you look back and it's like, you know what? I don't even desire this drug anymore. I don't even desire this thing anymore. And I feel like that's kind of what God does with us. It's like he doesn't take everything, he doesn't just snatch it all away. He goes step by step, okay? You're ready for this step, okay. Now let's work on this, okay? Let's take this off your plate, okay? Let's work on this. All right, let's take this off your plate. And before you know it, a lot of that weight that you've been holding, it's like, oh I don't feel that no more. I don't feel that tension no more. It's like you, it's not even a real, it's not, it's it's almost like you don't realize it's gone for a second. You have to really think about it. Like, oh wait, I'm not holding that anymore. I'm not carrying that anymore. All that anger is gone now. I don't feel the anger. All that like depression, uh, I don't I don't feel it anymore. Like it's gone.

SPEAKER_02 32:22

In your song, you have tension between the pressure and awareness, and you're naming past trauma, healing, and responsibility. How do you begin to process all of those things without shutting down?

SPEAKER_01 32:37

I think that really goes back. You know, you take it a step at a time. I never try to attack everything at one time. There's some bags that you have to realize where you're at, and there's some bags. I'm not ready to open that bag just yet. I know it's there, but let's start here. If you're dealing with a trauma, let's start with a trauma that's very apparent. And then we'll go more in depth. Okay, what comes from that? Because usually what you'll find is they're all connected, and one event in your childhood can cause many things. It's crazy how you tackle one event and a lot of your trauma goes away with it. And you're like, dang, that's crazy how many things. I didn't even realize all these tendencies that come from this event in my childhood. I think that's what it is. It's just a daily process. Just continue to work on it like a process. Don't attack it of like, I'm gonna be healed in one day. Um, I don't think that's a reality for anybody. I think it's just a process.

SPEAKER_02 33:33

Your situation didn't necessarily happen in one day. So it's kind of unrealistic to think you're gonna have that quick fix, that pill, that magic wand. It's it's gonna take some time to get through that. And I also see a lot of people showing up. Some people have baggages like backpack, some people have like carry-on or a big rolling suitcase, and then there's people who have like the steamer trunk. Yeah, don't show up with the steamer trunk because you're not ready for that. But let's go to the change purse size or the purse size and work our way to it. We're gonna see some of the bigger ones like flares start falling off of them because everything that's in your life is impacted by that. I know I've had folks who have had abuse or or trauma at an early age and they either had to grow up fast or there were things they learned to stay safe. And now they look back and go, I never realized that was like a safety mechanism. And oh, well, no wonder I'm afraid to be in the dark, or no wonder that bothers me. Okay, so let's work on that. Well, that doesn't bother me more, or maybe they had to grow up and not have a childhood. Maybe they're dream grieving that they never got to be a child and and play and have fun. Take it like baby steps, because let's kick all of it down now. That's not realistic. For someone who feels spiritually exhausted, what is one small step, like a real step they can take when they don't have energy for anything big?

SPEAKER_01 35:07

The one small step, and this is uh it's gonna sound very weird. It's gonna sound opposite of everything you've probably been taught to do in your life. I would say it's rest. I would say literally rest. And that in itself is very, very deep. But in the in the literal sense of it, don't try to work your way in spirit. Learn to rest in God because sometimes even though it's something that you are called to do and you should be doing, it may not be the time to do it. And that's why I also say it's very important to be in sync with the Holy Spirit because He will let you know what you need to be doing when you need to be doing it. And there's been a lot of times I have a heavy list, and I know it's things that I need to be done, and there's sometimes gotta be like, let's set this aside, take the day off, rest. And I'm like, Yeah, that's kind of hard. It's it's tough. It's it's literally like, and I I know it sounds weird, but it's like sometimes it's very hard just to simply rest, but that's literally what he calls us to do, anyways. He doesn't call you to do the work yourself, he calls you to rest in him. And you know, I think that like learning that in itself will help you so much spiritually, and it keeps you from burning yourself out. Because anytime we're burnt out, it's because I mean, obviously, we've done more than our capacity. That's the only reason you burn out in the first place.

SPEAKER_02 36:39

Exactly. I I like to say have sacred pauses, places where you purposefully rest. I did that when I had cancer and I had a season about a year ago that was a really toxic situation. And when I finished it, I just wanted to rush through to that next thing and move on. And the Lord's like, no, you need to rest. And I'm like, Okay, Lord, but I got bills and and and I'm not used to sitting. I'm kind of a checklist girl, I like to tick things off. And he's like, Well, no. It's like oh so I rested for probably six months, and then he gradually say month four, he's like, Okay, I want you to start doing this month five, okay. Now I want to introduce this. It's hard for someone who's used to doing, but think about our culture. We're we're supposed to achieve and do and accomplish. And the concept of not is like, you're killing me, right? But it's okay to not, and it may just be your burnout, maybe your body needs to rest, or like you said, God's like, Yeah, well, I understand what you want to do, but now's not the time. And some people are like, Well, I I know better. No, you don't. I think those pauses are are just so critical. I wish I wish people would pause more, yeah, but they don't. Ashton, if you could sit across from someone who feels like they're at a breaking point where they're hanging on the ledge, what's the one thing you would say to them?

SPEAKER_01 38:17

If you're on the edge and you're on the ledge, the first thing I would say the same thing I said in the song don't allow your circumstances to define you. It's okay if you're going through what you're going through, it's okay that you're on the edge. But don't allow that to be your story, don't allow that to be the end all to be all. Don't even allow that to make yourself desperate in the choices that you make. Honestly, that would be like my number one thing I would say.

SPEAKER_03 38:50

Awesome.

SPEAKER_02 38:51

You can find Ashton at ashtonstevens.com. I'll put the link in, the show notes for you. And on that website, it's a place where you can stream his latest music, which I highly encourage you to do. Corey, you can stay connected to what he's creating next. His work carries a kind of honesty that doesn't rush past the hard parts. It sits with them and tells the truth. If this conversation res with you, I know his music will meet you there too. There's there's a kind of honesty that doesn't fix everything, but it tells the truth. And sometimes that truth sounds like I'm on the edge. Not a sign of failure, but as a signal. Something needs to rest, something needs care, something needs to be held and not pushed. Ashton, thank you so much for being at the counter. Is there anything you want to share with our listeners before we close out?

SPEAKER_01 39:50

Um, I'm grateful. Thank you for having me. I mean, that's I think that covers everything.

SPEAKER_02 39:56

My friends, hear this blessing. May you be honest about where you're tired. May you release the pressure to hold everything together alone. And may you discover that even at the edge, you're still being held. Until I meet you back here next time, pull up a chair.

SPEAKER_03 40:19

Thank you for sitting at the counter with me today. If something in this conversation stayed with you, you might want to carry it gently into your day. No need to rush past it. And if you need a place to pause, reflect, or simply breathe, you can find more at daretoliveagain.com.

SPEAKER_02 40:44

Until next time, take a breath, notice what's in front of you, and remember, you're always welcome here at the counter.