25 | When Healing Happens Quietly with Melissa Prusinski

Healing doesn't always happen in dramatic moments.

Sometimes it looks like taking one more faithful step.

Sometimes it looks like learning to breathe again.

Sometimes it happens so quietly that you don't notice the change until you look back and realize how far you've come.

Today, Laura welcomes Melissa Prusinski, founder of Our Healing Farm and author of Say Howdy to Healing and Hope! A Guide to Restoration Through Faith and Horses. Through her own journey with trauma, chronic illness, late-stage Lyme disease, and deep dependence on the Holy Spirit, Melissa has discovered that healing isn't about becoming tougher. It's about becoming whole.

Together they discuss:

• Why healing is a process instead of a destination
 • Living beyond survival mode
 • Nervous system healing and emotional restoration
 • Listening for the Holy Spirit in everyday life
 • What horses can teach us about slowing down and trust
 • Letting go of old wounds without pretending they never happened
 • Why God often works in quiet, unseen ways

If you've ever wondered why your healing feels slow, or if you've worried that you're not making progress, this conversation is a gentle reminder that God is still working beneath the surface.

Breath Prayer

Breathe in: Make me whole.

Breathe out: One quiet step at a time.

☕ Pull up a chair. There's always room for you at the Counter.

Connect with Melissa

Her book: Say Howdy to Healing and Hope!: A Guide to Restoration Through Faith and Horses - https://amzn.to/4wwX8gA

Our Healing Farm Website: https://www.ourhealingfarm.com/ 

☕ Pull up a chair.

Welcome to At the Counter with The Baking Pastor, where faith meets everyday life. Whether you're carrying grief, feeling weary, or simply looking for a quiet place to catch your breath, I'm so glad you're here.

Continue the conversation by visiting bakingpastor.com, joining the community, exploring resources, or reading the Bible in a Year with Sassy. If this episode encouraged you, I'd be grateful if you'd follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who could use a little hope today. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Today's conversation is for the people who are healing in ways nobody else can fully see yet. Today at the counter, we are joined by Melissa Pruinsky. Melissa is the founder of Our Healing Farm, where she leads faith-based support herds and equine-assisted experiences designed to help people find hope, healing, and a deeper walk with God. She is also the author of Say Howdy to Healing and Hope, a Western-inspired workbook created to help people move out of survival mode and grow in their faith and discover practical tools for navigating life's challenges with hope. Her story has been shaped by chronic illness, trauma, deep seasons of uncertainty, and a long battle with late-stage Lyme disease that ultimately transformed her understanding of healing, faith, and dependence on God. Melissa, thanks for joining us at the counter.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Thanks for having me, Laura.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

One thing you wrote was I didn't write this book from crisis. I wrote it from process. What does I survive now what season look like emotionally and spiritually? Like where I'm at now.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

How did you go from I survived now?

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Now what do I do?

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Well, once I survived, I just felt this immense feeling I needed to help others because Lyme disease is such a not talked about enough, not enough knowledge in the world. So I just felt this heavy calling to share my story. And I didn't know how that looked in the beginning, but then God used horses and equine assisted philosophy to help people. And so that's where I'm at now is currently helping people. But the drive of it was because the feeling of knowing people suffering and you can help by sharing your story was just really heavy on my heart.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

You said something powerful. You said healing isn't about becoming tougher, it's about becoming whole. Can you share your differences?

SPEAKER_01 2:40

I think because your strength comes from the Lord, and that toughness of I can just do it on my own, that was not gonna work fighting Lyme disease because there was just so many unknowns. We went so many years trying to get answers, and it was a total act of I had to literally rely on the Lord just for every bit of strength and even for him to guide us to the right doctors, and it just was such a process that it's not something you can just be tough sometimes. You get that toughness from the Lord.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

I pastoral counsel with a number of folks, and their first comment is, Why can't I handle this myself? First of all, because we're not supposed to handle the tough things ourselves. The Lord put us in community to help each other with our yokes. And last time I checked, he's right there beside us. So why would we ever try it? And then I remember that we're kind of stubborn and we forget that he's there. You went through a tough diagnosis trying to find what was wrong and then trying to find things that worked with your body, regardless of what you're going through, illness or other situation. If you lean into God, he knows the problem and he knows the solution and he can save us a lot of time spinning our wheels. Would you agree?

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Yeah, I have actually a good story about trusting him with those answers because I tend to be more holistic minded when I was really bad and having seizures and no quality of life, the fatigues it hurt to even hold up my hand to brush my teeth. I couldn't bathe alone, I couldn't drive. There was just no quality of life, and it had come to where I knew I had been given an opportunity to get a pick line with IV antibiotics, and I knew it was gonna be a long antibiotic journey. He had told me the doctor that had diagnosed me. He was an infectious disease doctor, and it's really sad because he's no longer alive, but he he saved my life. But I had to make this decision to not go holistic completely and trust that the Lord was going to protect my gut from all those antibiotics and all that stuff. Well, I yelled at the Lord one day because I just was so nervous about it and I hadn't made my decision. And then I ended up having one of the biggest seizures of my life, uh, of that whole illness. And I was by myself and I was so confused because you hear, oh, go holistic. No, go medical. And at this point, I was so fearful. And I mean, he answered my prayer. I didn't expect to have that big of a seizure, but my husband found me, and it was so scary that he was like, We've got to do what we've got to do. You have got to get the pick line. And it ended up saving my life. And then I was able to take the holistic stuff as well and combine it to keep my gut and where it needed to be. He protected me and he got me through all that treatment. Took 14 months of antibiotic therapy to save my life and home health care. I was fighting it because the fear of the unknowns.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

I completely get that fear and I hear that frequently. Well, I'm afraid of the what if. What if I agreed to start working on my situation or what if I trust God? I'm like, you know what you're dealing with now, and it's icky, and yet you're not willing to be hopeful about the what if. Let's do some pros and cons and kind of weigh that. And inevitably, most people usually make the decision okay, I'm tired of being in this pile of yuck. It can't be any worse, right? It's gotta be healing. I'm glad you shared that because I think that's important. One of the things I love is that you told the story of Elwood. And I want you to explain who he is and the realization that he wasn't bad, he was overwhelmed. And what did God begin teaching you through him?

SPEAKER_01 6:19

My goodness, that can that horse can almost make me cry. When God got after me to go after trauma in my body, I knew I had a challenging childhood and some other traumas. I didn't know that was stopping me from getting more healing. And so God had spoken to me, you need to go after the mental side and the spiritual side and go address these traumas. And so at the same time that I was addressing all of that, God put Elwood in my life and he had trauma. And we don't even know from what horses can't tell us, but we ended up getting him. And God showed me one day I was looking at him and he was in the cross ties. And I mean, he was at this point, he was rearing when you'd walk him. He was pawing at the ground all the time, he was biting, he was just a mess. And I looked at him and he was in the cross ties and he was just pawing and he just looked so upset. And I thought, what am I gonna do with this horse, Lord? My nervous system's healing. You give me this horse that I didn't expect to have all these problems because sometimes you buy a horse in the horse world, people know this, and they're not exactly what you think you bought because then you get them home and you find out they're quirks. That's kind of what happened. And so he couldn't tell me, but I looked right at him and it was like, oh my goodness, he has trauma. I heard the Holy Spirit say he's you. He is stuck in fight mode, his nervous system, you know, fight, flight, freeze. I could relate that I get stuck in the other ones. And so I scoured the internet on how to help him. And that's when I found positive reinforcement, which was clicker training, like a dog, if you ever see that, what's with treats and in the horse world? Let me tell you, a lot of people would be like, I cannot believe you do that. I guess some people are not for that. But at this point, it was like, with my nervous system, I want to help him. And he's my daughter's show horse that we bought. I want him to have his purpose again, and we got to get him better. So I clicker trained him, and that positive training within weeks, you've seen the barrier come down, his nervous system was coming down. He just taught me a huge lesson of positive reinforcement and calming the nervous system. We really healed honestly alongside of each other for a couple years. And now I take him to horse shows and I can hold his head and just cuddle him like a baby at the horse show. And I remember just looking at my girls, going, I never thought I'd be able to do this, that he would get to this point because he was so out of control for that first while that we had him. He inspired a lot of the stuff in my book. And I remember saying, God, why did you give me a broken horse? I prayed for a show horse for my daughter, and then I ended up getting this horse with these issues, and then he changed my life. And that's the red one that you'll see on my books.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

He's dear to me. It is such a sweet story. I love how we can be praying for one thing, and the Lord's like, Yeah, yeah, I hear ya. All I'm hearing is horse, and I'm gonna bring this horse in that's not only gonna be what you need is a show horse, but he's gonna help you heal, only you're not gonna recognize it. I mean, how often does the Lord bring us things like the pick line or something else that we are fighting or against or don't even know we need or want? And then there he is, and he's like, Well, I've got a better solution. How about we go this route?

SPEAKER_01 9:39

And yeah, it's hard when we yeah, and it even changed the way I like parented my kids. Well, because you gotta think positive. And that seems like such a easy thing to say, but it's a habit to change in how you react and knowing to be positive to have your nervous system calm. And you have to go after the mind, body, and spirit to be able to be a good positive person. I just learned a ton through him, and I'm thankful God sent me him. Now, in the beginning, I really I'm telling you, I didn't know what I was gonna do with that stinker, but here we are.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

I used you and him and healed you both. I love that. Yes. One thing that stayed with me from your story is realizing how far back the journey actually goes. You were only 12 when that tick became embedded in your ear. And at that time, no one could have known how much that that one little thing would have impacted your life. How do you think that experience shaped the woman you are today? My goodness.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Being 12 and not being healthy after that, but not knowing why, because in the 90s, they didn't know as much as they know now about Lyme. So I didn't get treated like I should have for a tick being in my ear, little living in my ear canal, and they had to surgically remove it. It's shown me that there's lots of trials looking back, being sick and not knowing for so many years what's wrong with me, off and on, struggling, struggling, and then just finally getting very sick, which had to do with breast implants, which that's a whole nother story. But once I got those removed, I got even more sick. And so it's just trial after trial. But it's been in the trials, because I mean, I even miscarried babies that they contribute to the Lyme flares and stuff. There's just been so many trials, but through each trial, God has drawn me closer. Once I knew him, I didn't know him until my early 20s, but once I knew him, it was like, okay. And it's hard to see that in the trial. It's just so painful or hard, but it makes you have to turn to him. And so through that, it's taught me to really live Holy Spirit-led. And I really just can't do it without him. I find I'm a real failure if I don't have that closeness with the Lord. So I would say that is how it's shaped me.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

I do interviews on other people's podcasts, and I'm frequently asked, how do you stay present with God? And I said, Well, he's my best friend. He's there all day. He and the Holy Spirit are are there, they're there. It's from when I get up, what kind of coffee do we want? Here's what I've got going on today, Lord. I'm excited about this interview, or I have to do this, or I'm writing a blog post. Do you have any insight? And people say, Are you just talking to yourself? I'm like, No. He's there, he listens, and he replies. And I think people struggle when I say that because they either don't hear from him or they don't know that they're hearing from him. When you hear from the Holy Spirit, how do you know it's him?

SPEAKER_01 12:42

I'm very similar to you. I've brought him so into my life that I do hear him clearly. But I think it's really, and I teach this in the book, it's about taking that time with him. And then you the more you spend with him, the more you can hear that voice. You gotta take what you hear and you know, combine it with does it line up with truth from scripture? But I do, I agree with you, he's in your everyday. So very similar to you is I just try to every morning in my book, it's called doing a howdy. I say it's cheesy because cheesy equals easy. And for my ADD brain, and I have lasting brain damage from the Lyme disease, I have to have easy. And so I remember that. Like, have I sat down and said howdy to the Holy Spirit and just spent time with him? That really means being still. And the more that you're still with him, the better you get at recognizing his voice is how I would explain it. There's a whole process. I even have the yeehaw in the book where you reflect with a joy moment because if you're building your joy center in your brain, you can combat hard better. We've got all sorts of fun little things like that in the book that help me remember to spend time with him and just grow that relationship with him.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

I love that howdy holy spirit. I do coffee with God. So we read a scripture and devotionals, and then we move to the prayer list, and then like you said, I sit and I wait. I call it worshiping in the wait, and I wait. Lord, is there anything I need to know today? Is there anyone I need to be in prayer for or reach out to? That's the time when he'll say, Message this person. And I don't necessarily know what that's about. I don't need to know the details. I just know that I'm supposed to reach out. And usually it's something like, Hey Melissa, the Lord brought you to my mind today. I don't know what's going on, but no, I'm praying for you. And if there's anything I could do, please let me know. People are like, I was waiting on a sign, and you are my son. I guess that'd be like my yeeha moment because when they come back with that, I love that he uses me to as a conduit to let people know that they're being heard. Because a lot of us who are dealing with trauma and abuse don't feel seen and don't feel heard. And when I can be a conduit for that, I'm like, yes, yes, Lord. But some days that wait is longer. Okay, Lord, are we done? Is there anything else you need me to know? And he's like, sit, hang out. And then I'll hear something. Sometimes it's funny, like you're dismissed, and I chuckle. And sometimes it's we're all good. But easy peasy works for me, so I love that. I know you often talk about helping people move out of survival mode. How do we know when we've been surviving for so long that it starts feeling normal? Man, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

The people learn to function when their body is stressed. I say it comes out in how we treat others, and then it just becomes the norm. Or I call it poor coping in the book. It might not even be how you treat others, it just might become your norm of sitting on the couch binge watching episode, episode, episode of something. But can come out in other ways that is just the norm of today, and you don't even realize maybe necessarily that you're in it, or you do deep down, you do. And I say it can come out physically as well, where your body's starting not to do well. It's still functioning, but you're still tired and you don't know why. And you just say, Well, that's why I'm make excuses for it. So things like that, I would say, become the norm is that everybody should just be tired, or it's okay to just be snippy. You know what I mean? Like that sounds terrible, but I just speak my mind. But if you're really reactionary, it's not necessarily a good thing. Harder to bite your tongue. I say bridle your tongue in the book. It all can be signs of survival mode. And with trauma, if you find yourself isolating a lot. That's me. I was an isolator, but it just kind of became my norm. Not get going into your calling because something's holding you back. But it's just become a way of life.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

I think people just take unnormal, unnatural feeling for granted. This is just how we are. This is all my baggage. I just drag it around all the time. I'm always tired. Sometimes I'm tired and snippy with my family. That's just who I am. And then they say, Why am I tired when my feet hit the ground in the morning? That's not tired. That's emotional tired. Let's look at all the baggage you were carrying around. It's obviously not like a backpack or a little suitcase you're pulling. Maybe it's a steamer trunk or you're pulling the whole train. What's going on? And they're like, Oh yeah. And sometimes we can take the time to get rid of the junk. Ooh, life can feel so much easier. And they look back and go, Oh my gosh. I love that you have mentioned several times about the nervous system regulation and learning to be calm again. Because once you've been either in a trauma or abuse situation or even in a medical situation that you're always on this heightened alert, I think women specifically don't realize how long they've lived in that. I'm gonna call it survival mode because you're living triggered. How do you begin to recognize that in yourself? And what could others look for?

SPEAKER_01 17:43

I honestly think deep down we know when we're kind of miserable. I think it's just owning your junk and owning something's just not right. And I don't want to live like this anymore. I mean, I had to have that hard look in the mirror moment of I don't like how I'm parenting my kids right now. I'm just too snippy. I'm tired all the time. I'm just emotionally, like you said, tired can be, I just can't do what God wants me to do because my brain's tired. I think it's just owning. I think everybody can always do more healing. Do you know what I mean? Like uh better habits or just working at themselves. I think it is just deciding to choose to do that for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

I think often it's acknowledging that you were carrying the baggage and being willing to put it down and then to see what's still bothering you. Because if you have been spent your whole life pulling this train around, it's gonna feel weird not pulling it around anymore. But if you can let it go, it's better for your marriage or relationship, it's better with your kids, with your pets, with your friends. It just makes your life so much easier that you can start to even think about being positive.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Yeah, because you're just being held back. You you are, and God doesn't want you stuck in survival mode and not to your potential that you can then do what he's called you to do. Because when you're overloaded and you got all that baggage, you just can't. You just don't have enough, or you become then burnt out. Yeah, it's a huge thing, like you said, and then actually letting it go and not holding on to it, not also being in a victim complex brain thing, too. You live with it so long that it becomes kind of your identity. And then it's like, no, that's not how he wants us to be either.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

I was having a conversation with someone this morning and they said, Well, I keep giving things to God, but like halfway back down the aisle from the altar, they like reach back and grab it. And I said, Well, I don't know how you're doing that because when you give it to God, it's God's, it evaporates, it disappears right in front of your face. It is no longer yours to take back. And I think a lot of people don't realize that. They think it's still theirs to take back. But if you have truly given it to him, it's his. I think it's that's part of that trusting and that building, that relationship that we do in the mornings, you and I. And it's like, no, if I give it, it's like a gift. I mean, I'm not gonna give you the gift and go, oh, well, I really want that back. It may have been a really cool gift I want back, but I'm not likely to take it back. And in that tone, why would I take back something that's nasty, yucky or heavy? You wouldn't, you know, you wouldn't want to stay in that that yucky place. But how do you look at like giving things to God?

SPEAKER_01 20:18

I think sometimes it is something you have to give again and again at times when triggers come up. Uh, that's why it's so important to spend time with him, like you said, and have that really deep connection that because I mean it happens to me where I have a few things that trip me up, and it's just continually remembering who's in control, and it sure is not me. So just keeping on giving it to him, that's what I try to do. And like you said, you gave it to him, believe you gave it to him. And that can be hard when you're triggered or something else comes up again. I mean, the enemy does know how to get in our heads, then it's just a process of keeping on surrendering it, and that's what I've found with myself.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

In the grief program that I use, one of the things we do is we write a letter to the person, it's never given to the person, read to the person. The person may not even still be alive. And then people say, Well, what if more comes up? We write a PS letter, and then you can write another one. So I think of what you said, if you keep getting triggered by whatever's happening, think of that as a PS. Okay, God, I gotta give this back to you. Okay, this popped up again, let's give this back. Because we did fully give it at the time, but then the circumstances changed and something popped up, and we never know when we're gonna be triggered and what we're gonna be triggered by. That's what's so unique, is and people get stuck with well, how did I get triggered? You just did the situation, like everything aligned and you got triggered, and that's okay. The fact that you recognize you got triggered, I think is the key.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Yeah, in my book, I call it the lasso. And so once you've gotten stable, so the first thing is you say, Whoa, get stable, and then you ask the Holy Spirit, what was that trigger about? And if you spend time with him, I always say he's gonna tell you, and it might surprise you how far back it goes. Like I've had it go all the way back to eighth grade with a bully at school that it was like, oh my goodness, I'm not being trusting of friendships like I should be because I was so badly hurt. You know, then once I know that trigger, then you start to understand more. And it's like, okay, wait a minute. We've already done this, we've laughed at that. I'm gonna move on. And I love your PS thing and your letter thing because I've done that myself where I've wrote letters that I haven't sent. Just it's just helpful to get those feelings and emotions and processing out there. But like you said, you can't always maybe deliver that letter. It's not safe or um, they're not here anymore. But all those things are great ways of dealing with the hard. Things that get us triggered.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

So with the grief program, I'm the stand-in for the individual that they're writing to. So they actually get to voice the ick. And then what I have them do is burn their letters. Ooh. It was a really bad relationship and then they'll burn it. We'll jump up in their barbecue grill or be a really vibrant purple or blue burning super hot. Watch it when you burn it. And then as you do your PS's, watch that. Because you you want to see the emotion that was in that letter. Just go out in the atmosphere. If you're gonna write a letter, highly encourage you to find someone who can be a stand-in that no, you're not upset with, that won't judge, that won't comment, will just sit and listen to that individual.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

So I need to burn some letters.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Look at my letter, look what color it was. And I'm like, yes, wait, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

No, I like that. That's really, really good.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

You shared through your battle with Lyme disease that it taught you to live more Holy Spirit-led. What changed in your relationship with God during that season?

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Just having zero strength. I was just like a limp rag. I felt like honestly, my husband deserved better. I started to feel like just this burden and a bad mom because it was like I just don't have what it takes to even move, let alone be a good mom. And there was actually a moment, and I've never been suicidal, but there was a moment I was walking around our property and I just thought, I don't know if I can do this. And I looked at our barn, I thought I could just walk off the top of my barn, out the back side of it, the hayloft part. And I just felt this feeling of, I've never thought like this ever in my life. What is going on? And I just cried and I just cried to the Lord, you have got to help me. And it almost was like I felt him come over me. And so this was a huge, huge part of when I started to realize how much I needed him. And I heard him say, it's physical. Right now, this is physical. You need to just keep fighting. This all will have a purpose one day. And that was the day I just chose to keep living, keep fighting, and knowing, okay, he is there. I can hear him. And he gave me the will to keep fighting. And I can walk the property and I look out, and we have a horse ministry, and women are coming here. We run support herds, is what I call them. And it's like it did have a purpose. And I know with every bit in me, that was him that spoke that to me that day. That changed my relationship with him. Again, without him, I can't find the strength. And I say all the time, I really I am a failure without him, but I'm a success with him.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

Definitely. My husband and I had been married a year and a half, and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. As I was battling through that, there was a point when it was like, Oh, by the way, you also have ovarian cancer too. It's like, well, awesome. And I came home and I was like, Okay, Lord, we gotta talk. Why? And he said, I know you can't understand this right now, but I'm going to use this. I was like, Really? Really? Okay, okay, Lord, I'm gonna hold you to it. We're gonna use it. And so that has been able to be used with others going through cancer or any kind of illness is to trust. That's when I learned to to worship in the wait. Because when you're going through an illness, you wait to find out what your illness is, you wait for an appointment, you wait for results, you wait for, in my case, surgeries, you wait to heal. There's just so much waiting. You can be bored. I mean, there's only so much resting you can do realistically. Okay, Lord, I hear you. I'll go get my Bible. What do you want me to do? Open it and I'll show you where to read. Okay. And that was what I needed that day. But I love how he uses us. I guess part of me is selfish and is like, really? Why why did I have to go through that? And then I'm humbled because I remember what he went through on the cross for us. It's like it wasn't really that bad.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Yeah. And I like to say that Paul in the Bible is my kindred spirit because he always would lead me to Paul in scripture. Because Paul had a thorn in his side that it says, and some people think it's spiritual, some people think it's physical, but whatever it was, God kept it there because didn't he didn't he say even like it kept him humble and kept him where he needed to be? And so I still have Lyme disease. And I can get in that mindset of why won't he just completely heal me? But I like to think of it as my thorn in a sense that pops up every now and then and it keeps me real humble. And he always is showing me Paul. It's crazy. And I always say that is my kindred spirit because he really went through it and he still just kept loving the Lord till the very end and was faithful. And he went through a lot. And I sometimes think, just like you said, with what Jesus went through too, it's what we're going through really isn't near what they went through. Read about Paul. I encourage people when you're struggling with an illness and find scripture about him because he has some encouraging words. And I mean, he was thrown in prison when it was not an easy life for him at all. And like I said, I believe he dealt with illness of some sort. I think he had both spiritual and I mean, there's controversy. I don't know what you think if it was spiritual or physical, but whatever it was, he knew what it was like to struggle.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

So I think it was both. I think he did have some physical issues, and then he also had some spiritual things that he was battling.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

Yeah. So what a testament for us to just look at him and go, if he can do it, I can do it. And that man, he relied on the Holy Spirit. So I always say, I can't wait to meet Jesus and him in heaven because he is. He just has inspired me. He's been been a voice in that Bible that just encourages me.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

So well, a couple years ago you said you let God do deeper healing work in you. What did slowing down teach you that constant striving never could?

SPEAKER_01 28:32

To be present, I guess, is being still being present with him to want to be in my calling and just grow closer to him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

Your blog post, you said that you were naturally an introvert. Terrible. I mean, when God called you to write a book and lead groups and step into public ministry through your healing farm. What has obedience looked like for you in this season?

SPEAKER_01 28:54

A fight of my flesh. Currently, still a fight of my flesh because the introvert in me, I love to be home, doing my thing, not put myself out. It's just not easy for me. I like quiet. I like to be around calm people. That's just when you get called to be out on social media and write a book and start a ministry, you got to get out of your shell. And I can do it, absolutely. Um, and I just have to fight those noises in my head of what are people gonna think? And that's something God's been working on with me is recovering from people pleasing and people fixing and negative thoughts that I think people are thinking about me, or forward thinking, thinking the worst that's gonna happen. All these things I've been trying to overcome myself and just believe in myself that I can do it and not live it in this mindset of I'm an introvert. He's gonna help me do what he has called me to do. And I fought it so bad. I'm an example of fighting at times what you should be doing, that I was supposed to, I felt the Holy Spirit say multiple times, you need to get on social media before I did. And then I had an email come in from marketing for my book, and it said, urgent W-N-E M Channel 5 News wants to come out to the farm and interview you. That was a good kick, cattle prod, whatever you want to call it, of God saying there's value here, and you're not doing what I told you to do. So I'm gonna put you on TV and you're gonna get over that real fast. Sometimes I think he has a sense of humor, and then a couple days later, they're like, Oh, by the way, we want you to come live in studio too. And I'm just like, What? And so I've done it four times now. I had another news station, I had to do two farm interviews and two lives, and God was with me every step of the way. And it was neat because I have a ministry playlist in my phone, and every time I had to do something like that, that the nerves just were getting me. It's like, this is really out of my comfort zone. And I would put that ministry playlist on shuffle. It was comical, the songs that would come up that day to egg me on and be like, there's purpose in this multi. You have to just keep going. And so that's where I'm at even today, is he's calling me to talk more about our ministry and my book and just remembering and giving gratitude for those moments that he was very there for me. He got me through those interviews. He blessed, he filled all my groups this spring with women from those interviews, and he's so faithful. And it's just remembering that when you're getting called out of your comfort zone.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

I know people may be hearing you say, Oh my gosh, I'm an introvert. I've I need to settle down. So let's take a moment and just take a slow breath in and let it out gently and ask yourself, have I been calling myself strong when I'm actually just surviving? And what would it look like to become rooted instead of resilient? Breathe through that. You don't have to have answers today, just take the time to notice it. What do you think horses notice in people that humans often miss?

SPEAKER_01 32:00

It's funny you just did that whole breathing thing because they slow our breathing. They tend to know just what we need when I have the women out or myself is with a horse to just calm. And they're very truth-telling and they're forward moving. And so, with their forward movement, it's a survival instinct. That's just how they were made. They're great examples for us, and so they constantly, the Holy Spirit just impresses me. I say I don't have a job when I'm out in the arena because I just am the facilitator of getting the horses together, and Holy Spirit's the master facilitator, and he just runs the show even through the horse behavior. And so it just that your breathing thing reminded me of what they do. I see women go out there and you just see them take a breath and the calm that just comes over when they're around a horse.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

I think when people hear equine assisted ministry, they're gonna immediately picture horseback riding. But what actually happens during a herd experience?

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Yeah, there are exercises you can do horseback, but we don't do that. Everything we do is on ground. I have a lot of retired horses or ones that I mean, I do have a couple you could ride, but we just don't focus on that. It's all ground exercises where um you're challenging the person, they're leading the horse through them, and the Holy Spirit, they just have a goal to get through the exercise. And however the Holy Spirit moves through the horse or them, and then we watch each other and we even watch how someone else goes through an exercise, how the horse responded and how the person responded. And then we come in and we we talk about it. It's mind-blowing how the Holy Spirit speaks through the movements of the participant and the horse trying to get through the activity. I usually give them something to meditate on while they are doing the exercise. For instance, yesterday I did a ground tie. That's where you lead the horse to a specific spot that I have marked out. I ask them to ask the Holy Spirit, what is something he wants you to let go of today? And then take the horse, you take it to the spot, and then I say, I want you to give when you're ready. You know, pray, pray, Lord, take this from me. Drop the lead of the horse. And then I want you to walk away from the horse and see if you can do a circle around the horse. Sometimes the horse doesn't stay, sometimes it runs away, uh, sometimes it follows them. And the Holy Spirit will speak to each person different things of what that represented in their life. One girl said when the horse ran away, that's my life. I give something to them and then I just run from it. Just like we kind of talked about. That is what all of our exercises kind of look like. And then I just put them through different things. We watch herd behavior at times, stuff like that, where you're picking a horse that speaks to you by their behavior. And then we just sit down and we're a group of six to eight women and we reflect on that. And he just shows us so much through each other. I'll get sometimes more out of other people's exercise that just watching at times, too.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

What kinds of emotional exhaustion are these women carrying when you see them arrive at the farm?

SPEAKER_01 35:09

All sorts. It can be trauma. Some are walking a divorce, some are walking grief from loss of a loved one or multiple losses of loved ones. Some are just in survival mode and their nervous systems are just amped. It can look like a big picture of different things. I have some that just come and they want to just grow closer to God. I have some that are mentor-like people that want to come alongside other women that are struggling. So it's just a beautiful thing. And I say it's for everybody. Because if you are healthy and like in a good place to be a mentor, come. And you might be surprised. You might get a lot out of it for yourself, is what I've noticed. But coming alongside the ones that just need that support, it's just amazing to see.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

One line from your writing has stayed with me. Healing isn't loud, it isn't flashy. That just feels so deeply true. Can you talk about the kinds of healing that can happen quietly over time?

SPEAKER_01 36:05

Yeah, sometimes you don't even think all the hard work you're putting in is being seen, like flashy. Like, oh, she's doing all this hard work. It's just little things that you're working on. But then it's funny, maybe later someone will say to you, I've really seen a huge change in you, you know? And it was over a long period of time. So it wasn't flashy. Um, it was just every day taking a step forward and working at different things. Cause I always tell my groups, healings, isn't it the same like an onion? When you peel one layer, there's another. And so you're just slowly working at it. I share this because it was really just a joy moment for me and a gratitude moment for me was when I went through that two-year healing journey of my trauma and the mental side of things and the spirit. My daughter and I didn't have the best relationship when it when it started. And not that we were terrible, but not where I wanted it to be. By the end of that, I'll just never forget that she wrote on my Mother's Day card, Mom, I see the work you've done. When this is this is a long while later. And I'm proud of you. So, did it look flashy in the moment of those two years? But it was worth every bit that you put into it.

SPEAKER_00 37:18

I often compare healing to like a loaf of bread dough. We don't see the the yeast doing its job. We just know we mixed everything up. We're supposed to trust and it's supposed to rise, and then we're supposed to bake it and it's supposed to rise again. And at the end, we get this beautiful loaf of bread. But we miss all the what's going on underneath behind the scenes. And I think what you described is just that. We we don't know the the little baby steps we take until we can get to a point and look back and go, holy cow, was I really scared?

SPEAKER_01 37:50

Yeah, yeah. You change people when you heal. Because then if people see that and they want when they're inspired, people can change generations by being the first just continuing to decide to heal. It's life-changing for all those around you because it's an inspiration. Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 38:07

You shared that you have been walking through some painful personal stuff, even stepping more fully into your calling without necessarily sharing anything you don't want to. What has God been teaching you about faithfulness in seasons where hurt and growth can exist side by side?

SPEAKER_01 38:24

Yeah, we've been walking a challenging season as a family, and then still at the same time trying to grow a ministry and get a book out. And in that, God has just shown me even more that at times he's protecting us too. And when you heal, he's going to so just protect you in areas that you maybe didn't know, or he's gonna do work in areas that you didn't expect. And I even have a new idea for the next book, and that's not quitting because you do all this healing work, and that doesn't mean that things are gonna then get easy. You're still gonna go through extremely hard things, which our family is, but it's leaning that much more into him, and he's teaching us even new things and not to quit. And so that's kind of where we're at right now, is just uh, because you only can control yourself with God, and you can't control what others do, but you can you can work on yourself and and um you're responsible for yourself in what God wants you to do. And so God's really been showing that to our family lately is we can't we can't fix other people, you know what I mean? But we can we can work on our family and ourselves with what God wants us doing, and I guess that's where we've been at lately.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

That's awesome how he can do that. So, Melissa, if someone listening feels discouraged because they're healing or their situation is taking longer than they hoped, what would you want them to know about slow healing?

SPEAKER_01 39:50

First up, I see you. I can remember just laying there thinking, we're on like year three, Lord. When are you gonna heal me? And then looking back, I could see it was that slow process. I guess what I encourage is to just try to find the little things he's doing, you know, and and then just keep knowing he has a plan. And maybe you can't see it yet, but you might see it in a year or in two years. I mean, for me, it's eight years later, and I'm finally seeing it. I'm in the last year. So, you know, that there's a purpose from it. I think just looking for the little things and keeping on just working on growing closer to the Holy Spirit and He will direct you in what you are supposed to do. Like you said, he wants to be in your everyday. And in the every little moment, he cares about every little thing. And so just remembering to just ask him and just keep turning to him. I guess that's what my advice would be.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

If this conversation has resonated with you, you can connect with Melissa and learn more about her work and her workbook, Say Howdy, to Healing and Hope at her website, our healingfarm.com. I'll put that in the show notes. Uh, you can also check out more about the herd. Melissa, thank you so much for today's conversation. I am grateful that you joined us at the counter.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Well, thank you for having me. It was a wonderful conversation.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

I appreciate it. Sometimes healing doesn't look dramatic, sometimes it looks like nervous system settling, learning to rest, responding differently, asking for help, trusting God in the quiet work, and maybe becoming whole happens slowly, one step at a time. My friends, hear this blessing today. May you release the pressure to heal quickly. May your roots grow deep in quiet seasons. May you discover that healing is not measured by speed, but by faithfulness. And may you trust that God is still working even in the slow and unseen places. Until next time, you pull up a chair.