Episode 11: Discipline & Grace

In this episode, I’m exploring the balance between discipline and grace — two forces that seem opposite, but actually work best when they move together. Discipline is what keeps us focused, consistent, and aligned with the version of ourselves we’re trying to grow into. Grace is what allows us to be human along the way. And somewhere in the middle is where real progress happens.

I talk about why discipline matters not just for productivity, but for identity — for proving to ourselves that we can follow through, show up, and honor our own potential. But I also dive into the importance of giving ourselves grace when life shifts, interruptions happen, or we fall short of our own expectations.

This episode is a reminder that you don’t have to choose between being committed and being compassionate. You can hold yourself accountable while still holding space for the parts of you that are learning. Discipline shapes you — but grace sustains you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:12

What is going on, everybody? Welcome back to the Daydreamers Podcast. My name is Esteban. I am your host. And if you're new, welcome. Happy to have you to be joining, you know, and and and and becoming a part of the Daydreamers community. Uh this is a podcast as a reminder and full disclaimer. We talk all things motivation and entertainment. We love to talk about how these things intertwine and they constantly show up in the things that we love to watch, that we love to listen to. And that's, you know, showed in a number of ways. And I think we all can attest to the fact that we've either, you know, listened to something, watched something that really captured us, our whether it's our attention or we connected to it in some way. It was a reflection of what we feel and how we're living our life, what we aspire to be and to do with ourselves, et cetera, et cetera. So yeah, and obviously, if you aren't new but you haven't maybe uh gotten to check out all the episodes, go check it out. Episodes one through 10 are available wherever you can find podcasts, obviously on uh Apple Podcasts, Spotify. I have audio direct links in my bio as well. Every week when I release a new episode, I update those links too. So go check them out. Um, last episode we talked a lot about accountability. That was one of my favorite episodes that I've recorded so far. I got you know, it's a little bit more of a passionate topic for me. And uh, you know, if you tune in, you'll you'll hear a lot more about why I am so passionate about something like that and why I feel like it's really important for all of us to constantly keep something like that in mind. Um but yeah, uh I I will say lately is it's been a really, really chill but busy uh vibe the last few days. I am actually recording this episode on a Friday because the week was so hectic. Um, and so you know, a lot of us know it sometimes just those weeks where you think maybe you can find some time to do certain things, and then all of a sudden you go from Monday to Friday and you're like, Yep, I've accomplished what I needed to, bare minimum. Did the job, you know, that I had to do. I worked my hours, I I cleaned up a little bit, whatever, and then I was like, well, I had no time uh to record. So happy to be recording. It's always a nice little uh getaway and escape for me too, and to talk to all of you, get give you some updates uh on what I got going on. You know, uh been watching a lot more of the World Cup. Um I I can't remember last time I recorded where we were with uh our teams, obviously in this household. Again, we root for, of course, staying true to uh my roots. We root for Mexico, we root for the USA, and then of course, uh I mentioned in the last episode my girlfriend is part German, so we do root for Germany as well. Um, and at this point, uh the Mexico was the first team, but both uh Mexico US and then Germany as well all have qualified um for round 32, uh, which is the first competitive round for the World Cup. So very excited to tune into the next games, see who's gonna you know make it the furthest. Rooting for Mexico, just again, because those are my roots, and and would love to see them uh break the curse of making it past the second round. They they've had a long history of not being able to make it past that second round. So hopefully we'll see what happens. Um, but been very entertaining, always have it on in the background. It's just kind of one of those things where you just love to tune in because it's only every four years. And it was even uh my girlfriend was just telling me yesterday, and and and she read it somewhere on on Instagram, I think, and I thought, damn, it's so true. You know, you you life goes by so quickly and and things, you know, pass you by so fast that you lose track and you're like, wow, you know, I got to take more advantage of these moments and and and these things that you know to just enjoy life. Um, you know, it's we're we get so caught up in all of our our our day-to-day hustles and and things that keep us busy, we gotta enjoy ourselves a little bit more, at least when we can. You know, it is a luxury, don't get me wrong, to enjoy ourselves and to have fun and to be able to go do, you know, um things that are very much a privilege. But nonetheless, if you have the capacity to enjoy yourself, you know, life has granted you that opportunity, definitely don't take it for granted. Um, and this was a reminder of that. She found something that was saying something along the lines of um the World Cup is only every four years. Go, you know, go check out any watch party you can. Connect with other people, get put yourself out there. Um, you know, even if drinking isn't your thing or you know, being in a public space maybe isn't your thing, go find somewhere to watch the games. You know, you just get to meet a new group of people, connect with people that maybe you never thought you would, um, meet a stranger, meet a best friend. You never know what can happen when you put yourself out there. And I think that goes for life in general. But um, just as an example for the World Cup, I know definitely hoping to go to a couple of watch parties wherever we can. Um my girlfriend and I, and probably a few of my friends as well, that are uh, you know, we're we're fully invested now in the World Cup. I know my girlfriend and I also love doing that for the Dodger games. We're still watching those as much as we can. We're very much looking forward to now, as of as of when I'm recording. We're gonna we're about a week out from going to our uh Dodgers games when they play the Padres in LA. Again, a very competitive game. Very excited for that. Um, also, I'll have to post a picture of it probably. Um, our dog, Cuddy, our pug, he uh also just recently got himself a jersey, uh, an Otani jersey. So we got that for him. It's a little snug. He's a little bit of a chunky guy, but uh, we were happy to give him a nice little jersey. So we'll probably even take a photo or something. I'll probably post it on my socials. But um anyway, yeah, I've been watching the Dodger games. Also, uh recently got to finally go to the movie theater. You guys, I finally was able to get back there a couple of times, and and I'm you know, I've always, you know, I I I've always okay. I have to put this as a full disclaimer. I have always enjoyed going to the movies by myself. And you know, even when I was single before I ever met my girlfriend, like that was one of my favorite things to do in my spare time was to go to the movies. I was an A-list uh uh member at AMC Theaters, so I was going at least two times a week. Um, I'm really considering getting that again because it was such a good deal. I think right now, um, I probably mentioned this before, but it's like 30 bucks a month, and you get to watch four movies a week at any AMC theater and in any format. If you want to watch it in Dolby, and IMAX, um, and a number of other um types of screens and formats, you can go watch them all. It's and it's and it's as long as you pay the monthly uh you know fee or whatever, you're good. That's your subscription, that's your membership. Anyways, I used to have that and I would go all the time and I would love going by myself. I feel like it was just a lot of fun and a nice way to escape. Again, movies are my probably my biggest escape. Um and and so now you know, but not having having been able to go for a while, I'm glad that my girlfriend and I and I finally got to check out two different movies. Uh, we saw Toy Story 5. We didn't plan to that day, but we were like, you know what? We're it's still early. Again, let's enjoy life a little bit. Let's let's why not? We have the opportunity to go um, you know, check out the movie. And it was actually one of the Mexico games that we were watching earlier that day, but it was over kind of early uh in the evening. So we went to go check out Toy Story 5. And just to a very short, brief uh review for me or like my thoughts on it, I'll be honest, I really enjoyed it. Was it my favorite Toy Story movie? No, I I think my favorite, uh, I'm gonna mention and I'm gonna be very I think I think a lot of people could agree. Toy Story 2 is my personal favorite. Um, it's it's always a toss-up between the first one and the second one because the first one's so nostalgic. Um, but the second one's probably my favorite. This one I feel like is is probably oh man. I mean, I think if I had to rank them, I'd probably say Toy Story 2 is my my number one, then it's Toy Story 1, then it's probably Toy Story 3, Toy Story 5, and then Toy Story 4. So it's not my least favorite. I just think it was a solid, fun kids movie. And I think it was just a cool, different story to tell um within the Toy Story like universe. Uh it is more centered around Jesse as the main character, but I think it was just every, you know, all the characters that we like definitely got some cool moments, some new characters are brought into the movie too. So I kind of enjoyed that. And I feel like especially if you have kids or you know, or you're gonna go with a niece or nephew or a cousin that's you know, their little ones are probably like you know, maybe three, four, five, six years old, like, and they're into like kids' movies. I feel like that's a really good movie that they're gonna still gonna enjoy. And I feel like that's probably a lot of people still taking their families. I will say though, when we went to see it, a lot of the people that were in line or you know, uh going into the theaters that were playing Toy Story, definitely I would say a lot more adults than kids. That's just I mean, a lot of us that grew up with Toy Story movies, why wouldn't we go continue continuing to go check out those those um those new movies? So uh that was kind of a fun thing. I think everybody kind of expected that anyway. Um, but yeah, we really enjoyed it. And then um we also saw uh Supergirl. We got to go to an early screening of that, and um I know it comes out uh this last weekend of June. So when this gets released, I believe it's coming out the day this is this episode is is live. So um, and that was also very good. I I saw the Superman film, the most recent one with David Cornsweat, and um my girlfriend had not, so she had no prior context, she didn't even know what the movie was about, and I had a lot of context, and I always, you know, I'm a nerd about those things, so I know a lot about what the movie's about and the characters and the storylines and all that. And it was funny. She actually, I think, enjoyed it more than I did. Um, I think it's because she went in blind and she just kind of saw it as a movie, as a superhero movie, what's the story and all that? Um, and I enjoyed it too. I I think there was just a couple of things that I felt were um they could have used a little more substance. They would there was not necessarily a lot to maybe a couple of the characters. Um to me, I think that the girl they chose for Supergirl was just fine though. Like I think people are complaining about it and are having really weird things to complain about as far as her being cast. I personally did not mind her at all. I think she was great and just a different rendition of the character. I have never seen anything other, you know, any other TV shows or movies that had the character Supergirl in it. So I also had no prior context there or frame of reference. I think she was fun. I think she was a fun uh uh character. And I think the standout too was uh Jason Momoa playing a character called Lobo. It's a character that pretty much is like who he is in real life, like but on steroids as a fictional character. So um I'll have to say I I I still enjoyed it. Um, but I think she did even more than I I did. So I I think if anything that was that that made me happy. Um and hopefully more movies to go watch. Still haven't seen Obsession or Backrooms, and especially like I really want to watch Obsession just because I feel like it's a very um I feel like both movies are probably like in that unsettling horror type of horror movie. Um so I you know I still want to watch both, but I think Obsession especially like I I heard that it's um yeah, it's just really interesting and and unique the way it's edited, the way that some of these creepy moments happen. So I it it piqued my interest. I'm very curious to see what um you know what the what the the movie really is, uh how it unravels. So um also I am excited because um in terms of streaming, uh my girlfriend uh hasn't yet watched, but she was got really invested into the Avatar movies, uh the James Cameron, the Blue People Avatar. Um and so you know, she watched the first two. She had never seen them really. I think maybe she said she saw one of them, but she didn't have much uh recollection of the movie. Um so I was like, that's crazy. We gotta sit down and watch them. And so she got very invested. So we watched uh the first avatar and then Avatar The Way of Water. And again, as of this episode being released, Avatar Fire and Ash, the most recent one that was that came out, uh, is now on Disney Plus. So we're gonna check that out. Um, and and and I watched it once when it first came out, and I thought it was it was pretty good. So um we'll be looking forward to watching that. Again, we have our tickets for Spider-Man, brand new day. Cannot wait for that. And one of the things I I just reminded my girlfriend of, um and and I was even talking to my brother-in-law, who's also uh a huge Marvel fan, Star Wars fan, a lot of the those movies. And the the one of the biggest excitements, I think, not only for just to watch another Spider-Man movie, because me and my brother-in-law, um Daniel, we both love Spider-Man. That's one of our favorite characters, I think, in movie history, I think in general. Um, I won't speak fully for him, but I think we have a consensus there. We went to go watch a couple of the originals when they came out in theaters. They did a run of that at theaters last year. That was great. It was really cool to see them on the big screen again. Um, but I think what we're all anticipating too is Avengers Doomsday, which is set to release at the end of this year. Um, the new trailer is supposed to be coming out uh attached to Spider-Man Brandon Day. That's the rumor. No one's we haven't really seen a full trailer for Avengers Doomsday or any footage of that yet. There was one released at a convention earlier this year, um, but everyone's still waiting. When are we gonna get a trailer for Avengers Doomsday? Um, and so, you know, I I have a few um connections at at at Disney, and just from what I hear, there's just been a lot of like, you know, things, concerns with leaks and concerns with, you know, there's always reshoots a few months before these movies come out, too, that they're still kind of making final adjustments, you know, in post-production to the movie. So um I think they just kind of try to work around that. And then what makes sense for to get the most views and the most publicity to push for these movies, and what better way to do it than to attach it to another uh film that is tied within the Marvel universe? So looking forward to that. Uh lots to look forward to and and lots, hopefully lots more movies. Uh, we're almost done re-watching Ted Lasso as well, so because season four is comes out just right around the corner. We're about less than a couple of months away now. Uh comes out in August. Um, I'm trying to get my family to watch that. My parents, my sister, and my brother-in-law, they all haven't really seen the show much yet, so I'm trying to get everybody on board and um you know just anticipating the the new season. So lots to look forward to. Gonna go ahead. Oh man, right as I was about to jump in. If you heard any of that, again, had to bring in a little dose of uh my dog's uh snores in there. So that's Cody snoring. I don't know if he's gonna Yeah, I think he just took a deep breath. Alright, well, you know, we always gotta put a little bit of that in there. It's gotta jump into the episode somehow. Um I could edit it out, but why would I? Um might as well leave it in. It's we're we're we're just we're keeping it realistic here um in real time. But um, so anyway, the the topic that I wanted to jump into today, and and I'll be honest, I I didn't, you know, usually I I watch a piece of entertainment, whether it's a movie or TV show that really kind of uh was a reflection uh uh of the subject. And I I kept thinking about what I wanted to talk about and where I've seen it, where it really kind of shines in terms of a movie, TV show, or even an album or an artist. And I'll be honest, there were so many examples that I think I was able to choose from that I was like, you know what, I don't think there's really one that I can kind of pinpoint. So I think I'm just probably gonna make a few references here because there's just lots of great connections and ways that this is kind of shown in all types of art, I'm sure. Um, but I'm sure you know, in a lot of the things that I've seen that are that are really good examples. And, you know, again, I I I mentioned this earlier that my, you know, that the last episode was a lot about accountability. And I know that a lot of times, a lot of us when we try to keep ourselves accountable for things or we try to have we try to have a certain level of discipline with the way that we do things. I also thought that, you know, there's another side to that and and and there's a kind of a yin and yang when it comes to keeping yourself accountable, having this discipline, but also balancing in a level of grace and how you give yourself that. You know, I think uh there's a lot of times where we try to find our discipline and whatever allows us to be better, what we think will allow us to improve, or maybe something that we think we're lacking, and discipline is kind of the way to introduce some of these things into our life or to improve ourselves that without that discipline we can't fully succeed or thrive in what whatever we're working on with ourselves. But at the same time, it can be, you know, especially if we're trying to build a new discipline or we're introducing discipline into a part of our life that it hasn't really existed before, it can be very difficult, A, to to maintain it. You know, consistency, as we know, with a lot of things is is one of the hardest parts to any level of discipline. But I think also the the concept of discipline is something that you can easily get so caught up in at that and you know, and you go down this uh rabbit hole of you know how disciplined do I want to be? And and and don't get me wrong, I feel like a lot of it comes with pride and and a good pride. You know, if you start to get better at something because you build discipline within that space, you know, why wouldn't you take pride in it? Why wouldn't you want to continue to explore, you know, uh, you know, what's the threshold? You know, it are your capabilities, you know, continuing to grow and you see how much you're really capable of, you don't want to restrict that, you don't want to give up, you don't want to just, you know, settle, you want to keep pushing yourself, you know, to those limits. And I think that is never necessarily a bad thing, but I think it starts to become a little bit dangerous when we don't know how to introduce grace and finding the balance of the two. And again, am I speaking from uh an area of of expertise? No. I I I, you know, I have a great uh number of experiences dealing with those things, but have I mastered it by any means? No. And I've been around some people that I do it pretty well, but even then, they've you know, these people have shared with me that also the struggles they they you know had to deal with along the way. And even now feeling like they're in a better spot of balancing grace and discipline, also recognizing that they still have slip-ups or they find new ways to introduce disciplines into their life they didn't have before and they kind of go through the cycle all over again. How do I find that balance? Um, and as mentioned before, we all make mistakes too, and we're gonna slip up every once in a while, even in something that we've had mastered for a very long time. So um, and and the reason I really wanted to talk about this, not only because the previous episode, it kind of ties into it, um, but I feel that also, you know, it's something that I, I'll be very transparent. I it's something I've I struggle with a lot. Um, and and sometimes it you don't it's not something that shows itself very often. A lot of times it's internal. You know, for me, I know that a lot of the struggles that I have with giving myself grace when I'm struggling with something, or I feel like I'm not getting something right, I keep messing it up, I keep making a mistake, um, and I'm just not quite getting it right. There's this level of frustration that continues to build in my head. And it gets to a point where either I become distracted by the frustration, I can't concentrate, um, or then I just it leads me down a path where I'm using all my energy and time being caught up with that frustration instead of continuing to try and getting closer to finding the rhythm that I need to succeed. And I feel like a lot of us do that. We probably all do that to some degree in whatever disciplines we have. And even if it's something small, like um, I'll give a very random, you know, silly example, but like, you know, sometimes we try to build a routine for ourselves, whatever the routine is, if it's how we choose to go to bed, you know, what's our what's our nighttime routine? If anybody, you know, you have it, you have a uh a facial care routine, brushing your teeth, getting yourself ready for bed, you know, if you're saying prayer, if you're meditating, if you're stretching, um, trying to watch something, trying to go to sleep, listening to something, whatever it is, you know, there's a point in your life where you probably didn't have that. And then maybe one day, whether it's you're having trouble sleeping or you're, you know, you have a very stressful job and it takes up most of your day, and you want to be able to unwind before you, you know, knock out for the night. Um, and you want to introduce something that's maybe new to you or that you haven't tried before. First of all, there's a lack of, or sometimes there's there's there's a or there can be, there can be a lack of faith in that process because you've never really done it, so you don't know what the result is. Is it really gonna help? You might have doubts, um, or there might even be a level of like skepticism. Like, is somebody trying to suggest this to me because they want to just tell me how to do things or they want to take ownership of how I succeed? Like you might have all these thoughts in your head when it comes to introducing it. But once you finally do, you know, it it the consistency is first difficult because you, you know, you're starting to gain trust in that process. But also, as you start to implement it and sometimes things start to work, you then start to think, well, okay, I want to keep pushing this. I'm starting to maybe see it work a little bit. I want to keep trying it and keep trying it. Um, and somewhere along the way, you will get very caught up and sometimes even obsessed with how disciplined you're becoming with that. And then, you know, before you know it, you're doing it, but like it's it's it's you don't even think about it. You know, it it's second nature to you. And so once you reach that point, you get attached to it. How could you not, right? Maybe it's really helping you in a way that you never thought it would. It's maybe giving you something you really were looking for. So how do you not become so attached to it? Um, but then the dangerous part about that is sometimes when you're so attached to something, it's hard to let it go. It's hard to be flexible with that something. You know, I I know that for me, one of those things for a long time, especially during COVID and the pandemic, was uh the idea of working out. You know, I I wasn't a big workout person, you know, in high school. I really only got into it in college, and even then I was kind of like wishy-washy about it. I kind of just go work out whenever my friends wanted to go, or um, you know, I was reckless with it to a degree too. I would lift heavy weight just because I wasn't trying to work on technique or form or anything like that. And I didn't really have a goal. I just wanted to be big. I wanted to work out because it was fun and it was a cool thing that maybe I could, you know, look good or whatever. But during COVID and the pandemic, I really got into working out for the sake of you know, my mental. It was an escape for me during a dark time that was there for a lot of people. It was allowing me to um build a discipline and prove to myself that despite any of the hard times, I could succeed in something. I could do something right. And you can already hear by the way I'm describing it, I was already hard on myself about so many other things. Um, which is the other element of discipline, is when you're already hard on yourself on a regular basis, discipline can allow that to creep in that much easier. Um so I I want to make sure I note that too, that there's a lot of people that are already very hard on themselves, and then when you bring in a level of discipline, discipline just gives you an excuse sometimes to be even harder on yourself, and that can be very dangerous too. Um but the last thing I'll say, you know, in terms of my example is, you know, I don't get me wrong, getting into working out really it taught me a lot. I help I grew, you know, as an individual in many ways. I I started to build better habits, um, physically and mentally, you know, because it's also contagious. When you start to grow in one area, sometimes your mentality changes. And I will say, I'm I will always be an advocate for exercise and and and being physically, you know, fit to any degree. Um, not necessarily just for physique, but I think just you taking care of yourself. Because the moment you start doing it to your body, your mind wants to be there just as much. And it's a contagious thing that can really help you implement a lot of other things. I, you know, I it was at that point in my life where I had never more than ever had caught myself, you know, watching motivational videos, listening to podcasts, and you know, people speak about what got them out of a dark time in their life. Um and so, you know, it's it's it's a cool contagious feeling that you start to get where you start to spread yourself um, you know, into all these different areas. But anyway, I I say that to say that I definitely got to a point where I was so obsessed and attached to this discipline that I had built within working out and building a routine around it, that for a long time I was in a place where I didn't, I didn't want to let any of it go. You know, whether I it was a job that I got and it was interfering with my schedule of working out, you know, I would prioritize the workout schedule more than I would my work schedule. Um, or if it meant time with family, sometimes I would unfortunately put try to put the family time second, or I wouldn't necessarily in my head prioritize it as number one. Um a lot of my social life deteriorated, to be honest with you, as it was. The pandemic didn't help a lot of people when it came to your social life, you know, whatever that looked like for you. Um, but for me, it definitely deteriorated even more so having you know this this atta such strong attachment to working out and having that routine, you know, because I wasn't worried about going out, you know, so I was thinking about what am I gonna eat? Drinking, you know, if I want to go have a drink, that's gonna kind of kill uh any progress I've made. Uh if I if I start eating out, that's not gonna help. If I don't have a full workout, my workout is not gonna build me the way that I want it to, you know, all these things that I was becoming so obsessed with. And I would have like such a mood about it. I would get an attitude about it with people that were closest to me, you know, and that was, you know, I look back on it and it does break my heart to know that that's where my mind was at the time. But it all stemmed from being so attached to this discipline and ultimately me being being really hard on myself. Um and, you know, a lot of times when I felt that I wasn't fully succeeding, quote unquote, in these areas or I wasn't fully committed and I was letting myself go in terms of my routine, it was this self-talk that started to jump in that was very negative. And that wasn't healthy, you know, because I was giving myself no grace whatsoever. Even if I had a week of great workouts and I accomplished a lot, I don't even think I could really remember a time at that point in my life where I was like, yeah, I remembered to be proud of myself, to be happy with what I did and what I accomplished, and yeah, I felt great about where I was. I I really can't recall it. And I know because my mind just I didn't have the capacity in my mind at the time. Um, I wasn't allowing myself to feel those things or to think that way. And ultimately, I feel like a lot of us can get caught up that way. And that could be in our regular nine-to-five job or whatever job that is that you work. You, you know, people dive them, you know, they they literally bury themselves in their work. A lot of times people do get caught up in doing nothing but um spending time with a certain person in their life, whether it be family, a significant other, a friend, whatever it is. Um, sometimes, unfortunately, people go to certain vices that may not be the healthiest for them. Um, but ultimately they're going there because they want to escape or they want to maybe, you know, maybe it's not even a discipline, maybe it's just they're they they they're finding something that allows them to get away from everything else. Um, you know, and I think ultimately, again, sticking with that theme of how do you give yourself grace, you know, I'll be honest, again, I'm not an expert on how you find that for yourself. You know, all of us I think have to dig deep to a degree on our own and with the support of any other people in our life or what we ever choose to leverage as a support system of that aspiration, is when you're looking for grace, I think the first thing you gotta just be able to do for yourself is say, is there anything that you're proud of? Is there anything that you're happy with? Is there anything that you would say you're grateful for to have in your life? And I think you have to start there because I think if you're already in a mindset where you feel that nothing is going your way, where your life is completely, you know, in the dumpster, it's nothing that I want, you know, I'm not gonna speak from a place where I want to discredit anybody for how they feel. However, there's probably something you can find that you're happy with in your life or that you're proud of, or at least that you can say, you know what, I'm lucky to have some of this, or I'm grateful to have this. You know, I mean, look, I think gratitude, in my opinion, is one of the best um solutions to any problem that you have mentally. And I don't, and I don't say that to say that it's a cure all, that you're gonna get out of any mental struggle or illness or anything with gratitude. Gratitude is not necessarily an antidote. But what I will say very, you know, I will emphasize this very strongly is when you're when you take the time to be grateful for things that that that you have or the things that have gone well in your life, even in the past, and even grateful sometimes, as bold as it is to say this, because I'm I'm trying to be as sensitive um, you know, to this subject as possible, even when you're grateful for some of the challenging times or things that you didn't wish for or that you didn't want to happen, um that the gratitude allows you to say you've accepted what life is, you accepted what already is the reality around you, um, and you're gonna you're gonna move forward because life still has something for you out there. Um and I've talked about this a few times, you know, an attitude of gratitude and you know, um this idea that maybe you haven't taken inventory in a while of all the things that you're grateful for. Um, even if it's just writing things down or just taking a few minutes to think about it in your head, um, putting it in your phone, you know, just just just to get it out and to and to put your mind in in that place of not all of it's bad. Not every single part of my life is bad. And um there's some good out there for me. And that right there, that exercise of trying to find these things you're grateful for, even if there's only even if it feels like a very short list, you've given yourself something positive to think about. You've given yourself something about yourself, about you. If you look in the mirror, you have now found something in that mirror that says, that's that's good. I'm happy with that, or I'm content with that. You know what? I can I can I can I can manage that. That's cool. I'm cool with that. That I feel like is one of the foundational pieces of giving yourself grace and how you find a way to do that. Because I feel like all of our brains, our minds, and the way we think, it's like we each have this very individual um map in our head. You know, has all these different routes that you can take, all these roads, all these pathways that you know our our thoughts kind of move through. But I feel like if anything, I like to think of it as everyone's brain has a very unique map. You know, I know biologically for the most part, a lot of you know parts of our body, our organs and stuff kind of for the most part look the same. But I look at it as like when it comes to what the mind really does and what it's capable of, it's like picture of it, picture it as a map. Every single one of us has a very unique map going on up there. And nobody knows how to navigate it better than we do. Doesn't mean that we know every single right turn to make or what up, what is always the best route to take. No, we we don't. But if anyone's got the best chance, it's us, right? And other people that might give us suggestions, give us tips, you know, give us examples, their map might be similar to ours. Or the way they navigate their map might be similar to ours. And so sometimes it allows us to unlock certain paths that we want to take that maybe we haven't tried yet, that we haven't necessarily given proper thought into. And then we start to develop almost like it's like our GPS is getting stronger. The more it moves, the more it tries different ways, the more the GPS is now starting to tailor to the way we like to move, the things that we're trying to get to. You know, think about if you have an iPhone or a or whatever phone, whatever smartphone you have. I know this for the iPhone for as a fact. I don't know if it is like that with any kind of Android or Google phone or anything like that. But if you have any kind of maps app on your phone, the more you use it and the more you look up certain locations or you start to favorite certain places, the phone starts to naturally make suggestions or even pops up the places you've looked at most recently. I feel like our mind is it operates in a very similar way. You know, the more we look up, the more we think about certain things, the more we concentrate our attention span or our, you know, we concentrate our thoughts into certain things, that's going to be what our brain has continued to train to do, you know, and and oftentimes, you know, we get lazy. I'm guilty of it. Think about it. If you've only gone to a few places, let's say, and you've only, you know, keeping to the maps analogy, if you've only looked up a few different places in your life, you have your same couple of restaurants, you go to the same couple of you know, family members' houses, same couple of uh gas stations, or your you know, your your work address, whatever it is, the few places you're driving to, if you keep typing that in, you're not gonna get many new suggestions. But guess what? Also, those same few routes, that's all you're really gonna have, you know, locked into your into your brain, into your the the the log of the routes that you've taken, right? But the moment you start looking for new places, does looking for new places that you want to go, maybe you want to go try a new restaurant, maybe you want to go um to a different uh uh bank to deposit your check, or you know, I'm just throwing in random examples, but like let's just say for the sake of the uh going to a new restaurant. Does it take a little bit more work and time to look up these places, maybe to look at some of the pictures, to see how far it is from where you currently are or where you're gonna be driving from, what's also close by to that if you want to make a day out of it, it takes a little more work and time and effort. It does. But when you take that extra time, guess what? Now you're expanding that horizon a little bit. You're opening yourself up to new opportunities. And I feel that when you do that in your head, you try different ways of thinking, you try to implement new strategies or approaches on how you want to accomplish something. It's going to open up more opportunity for you to succeed at the end of the day. You know, if you want to go find your favorite restaurant, there's a good chance that you probably have to try a few places before you find your favorite, right? Um, or if you want to find your favorite, you know, uh, you know, getaway, your favorite vacation spot, whatever it might be. You need to make the effort to go find these places sometimes and consider all the pros and cons of why it might work for you or maybe why it won't. And sometimes with a food place or any kind of experience you want to go to, you're not gonna know how much you like it until you try it. And it's in the effort of trying that you really get, you know, you you open up the the the again, you expand your horizons to those opportunities, but also like anything, and I think the you know, especially when it comes to food, a lot of us always say, like, you know, the more you try different foods, the more you start to learn what you like and what you don't like. Same thing with dating. A lot of people use that same example, that same concept. It's like, well, you know, the more you go out to date sometimes and the more you go out on dates, the more you're gonna really learn what you like and what you don't like in a partner. And and I feel like, again, the same thing goes for the way our mind works. It's like the more you try certain things, the more you realize, you know what, I tried it, but now I know for sure because I fully committed to it and I gave it a shot, I know that it's not for me. It works for other people, but it doesn't work for me. And, you know, I go on this whole tangent, um, if you want to, if you want to call it a tangent, but like, you know, talking about the way the mind works, in doing some of these things, trying new ways of thinking or finding different approaches and giving them their proper chance, that's where I feel like you start to find more room for giving yourself grace. Because now you've allowed yourself to try things without the expectation that it has to go a very specific way. Because I feel like the more you try new things, you jump out of your comfort zone. I feel like that's one of the keys to succeeding and using that as a tool is the more you open yourself up to things that you don't know what they're gonna look like, how they're gonna make you feel, that risk factor ultimately leads for you to build this strength in, yeah, I don't know what it's gonna be, and that's kind of okay. I don't mind that. I'm okay with that. I have found peace with that because then you find it easier to give yourself grace and to say, you know what, I didn't get it right every time. But that's okay. And now I'm just a little bit closer to what I wanted. Or maybe now a little bit more, I know a little bit more about myself to know I don't want that for myself. Um and then that over time can, you know, you start to use that muscle a little bit more, it easily turns into, you know what, I messed up today. Whether it was my intention or it wasn't. I messed up today, I I I really didn't do my best, or I really didn't commit myself enough to something that I know I could have. Um, but you know what? What's done is done. I've accepted that I could have done better. Um, is it gonna destroy my life? No, because I can always fix it if I get another opportunity. And guess what? No one's promised tomorrow, but you better, you better be sure. You do you damn straight that I'm gonna be ready. If I get it tomorrow, I'm ready for it. I'm prepping like there is a tomorrow. Um, and that's why I hear that quote sometimes. I I will say I I appreciate the quote again in terms of like making the most of the present and and the moment you're living in now. People always say, you know, tomorrow's not promised, you know, and and I agree with that wholeheartedly, I do agree with that. I do think there's a there's another side to that though, which is it, you know, I would, if anything, like to I would add to it and say, tomorrow's never promised, but it never hurts to be ready for it. So when tomorrow comes, you know exactly what you want to get out of tomorrow. Um something like that. Maybe I'm still workshopping that that full quote there a little bit, but point is you you you're always preparing yourself to know that, yeah, maybe I didn't always get something right, and that's okay because I can always try to go do it again. And and until I'm given a notice that I don't have a tomorrow, I'm gonna continue to operate as if I do, because I'm only gonna work to improve myself and to be the best that I can, that I can be. Um, you know, and the other part I will say there's there's always uh you know a couple of different sides to everything. You know, the other thing with grace is the fact that I think sometimes you you want to be able to know what's the difference between grace and completely forgiving yourself and and and and almost ridding yourself entirely of uh of any responsibility for things that might not go well. And I think that's where the the this yin and yang, this balance of a you know, discipline and accountability versus grace, it's very important because you also don't want to go down this you know practice of you know what, no matter how bad I mess up, I'm gonna forgive myself and I'm gonna tell myself it's okay. I don't care what anybody thinks because at the end of the day, you know, I have no fault. I don't have to fault myself for it because I'm gonna it'cause it's fine. I'm giving myself grace. There's a difference between grace and ignorance. And I know that might be a it might sound a little bit like aggressive or bold to say, but I I say that in the sense that sometimes we can all be very ignorant and to how can I say this? We can be very ignorant to the responsibility we have to say, you know what, that one's on me. Or that part of that situation that maybe went sideways, I can take some blame for that. Am I doing it because I want to, am I taking the blame or responsibility of it because now I want to carry this burden with me every single day? No. But it is something that will allow me and whoever else might be in that situation to say, you know what, this is what accountability looks like. This is what the good balance of me saying, you know what, I want to be productive at the end of the day. I don't want to let all my bad days define me. I don't want to let all my good days define me either. Because I have to live in that realistic middle ground where I say, you know what? It's kind of what I mentioned before that uh my dad had made an example of where he gestured his hand and he says, you know, people are gonna put you all the way up here, and he put his hand all the way up. He goes, people are gonna put you down there, and he gestured all the way to the bottom with his hand. He goes, But what you want to stay is right here. And he was referencing to just in the middle, level. And I think that that concept is where you find the balance in a lot of these things, especially when it comes to being disciplined versus giving yourself grace. You don't want to be too far high up or down, because then you're now living in an extreme that doesn't allow you to anticipate the other side, the other, the opposite of wherever it whatever extreme is that you're living in. When you when you when you thrive in the middle ground, you're prepared for both. You have a strength in both of those areas. And I truly feel that when you have that balance, there's a lot that you can really be ready for. And there's a lot of spaces you can thrive in that maybe you didn't think you were capable of um, you know, before that. And so, you know, the the the the the final thing that I will kind of want to, you know, I wanted to touch on when it comes to this this concept. Forgive me, I want to take a drink for a second. I'm a little parched here. Um it's just that I think and again, you know, I'm I'm speaking from a very unique experience, right? We all have our unique experiences and and and ways that we do things. We all find a way to, you know, that works for us to do the very best that we can. I think the the last thing that is really important for all of us to remember, I know I have to remind myself of this all the time, is when you're trying to find the balance in anything, especially when you know how you treat yourself, you know, being kind to yourself, but also holding yourself, you know, to a certain standard. It's knowing that you're never no matter how hard you try, it's never gonna be perfect. You know, I it's like um I forget what what actor had said this. I don't remember if I mentioned this on a previous episode, but he was mentioning that he talked to a therapist. Oh, Damson Idris uh is the name of the actor. He came out in uh recently, he came out an F1. That's probably one of his bigger uh roles as of late. But he was talking about how he spoke to his therapist and he was explaining to them that, you know, I live, I live in a place where, you know, my highs are really high and then my lows are really low. And I, you know, I feel like how do I find the middle ground? And and I bring this up because, you know, I still stand by what I literally just said, which is, you know, you want to try to aim for the middle, try to live in that space. But the other, you know, the second part to that is you're not gonna live perfectly in a straight line in the middle. You're gonna fluctuate, right? You're still gonna have some tendencies that put you a little higher, put you a little lower. But I think it's just the concept that you you're intentional about aiming to be in the middle and to thrive in that space. And it kind of goes with what um this actor was saying, which was you know, I talked to my therapist about this, highs are too high, lows are too low. What's the deal? I want to you know be somewhere in the middle. And that his therapist told him, which I I personally I loved that because it was something I never thought about, which is you know, you going up and down, hitting these highs and these lows, it's it's it's necessary. It's it's it's it's uh necessary for for your function of life because if you were to only stay in the middle, perfectly in the middle, you'd flatline. If you look at a heart monitor that tracks, you know, anybody's heartbeat, that thing goes up and down every time it tracks the beat of your heart. It the moment that thing goes completely in a straight line, you flatlined. And when I heard that, first of all, I was like, wow. I was like, this is why therapists, man, this is why everybody, you know, when anybody, including myself, when we go to a, you know, we think, you know, maybe I should just try a therapist just to see what you know what it's like. Maybe they can, you know, I don't know what we're gonna talk about, but you know, we'll see what what they might tell me. Sometimes they tell you something so profound, and you're just like, well, damn, that was a checkmate for me right there. You just put my ass in a position where I I, you know, the humility is all the way up. There you go. You can you could take the you could take the the the wheel there. Uh you're helping me out here. Um but I heard that and it made me think about again the analogy that my dad had given me, but even something that I always remembered as a kid was. Which was, you know, and this was something that especially I remember being a little kid and at home with my mom when she was raising me and my sister, is like, you know, I and I I don't know if there's any that anybody else can relate to this, but I remember a lot as a kid, you know, and and this is such an interesting concept to me, which is the fact that, you know, as a child, a lot of your memories are either like probably really happy moments, like big highlights and and positive things, and then you have a lot of like, you know, maybe sad moments or memories or or things that maybe weren't so positive. And I feel like our brain starts to collect some of these things and take inventory of them as like for any of you who've seen Inside Out, these core memories. And a lot of times they're very they're very strong, you know, memories that are maybe good or bad. Um, you know, we don't necessarily have like a long, you know, history of or you know, of collected memories that are probably just like whatever, you know, you feel like you're kind of like you're indifferent, you know, you're not super happy, you're not super sad, you're just kind of in the middle, you know, um, which is very interesting to me that that's how our brain operates. Um but it kind of it kind of again, it kind of touches on this analogy. And I always thought about, you know, when I was a kid, that's a lot of the memories that I had. And I remember, you know, but the common, the common factor in the good and the bad sometimes was that, you know, and us being kids, especially, like, you know, our our brains aren't developed like the you know, like the way that we're talking in this whole episode, you know, when you're a kid, you're just kind of thinking about what you feel in that moment and how you want to express it and how you want to tell the people around you, or you know, you're you're pretty honest about you know how you feel about things. But you know, for me, the common denominator, and again, you know, God bless both my parents. I I I I I've had such a great, I had such a great childhood, and and I grew up in such a uh an amazing home, a home life, and and and was very blessed with it with it with the best family. But like um the common denominator was there was somebody there to care for you and to be there for you, in this case I'm talking about myself, um, through those really high moments and through those really low moments. You know, that you know, my mom was the one that was at home with us a lot all the time when we were growing up. My dad was, you know, busy working during the week. But even, you know, when he was home, you know, I the common denominator that my sister and I were both very lucky with was that we had that common denominator that when we had our really big highs, we had them there taking care of us. And when we had our lows, they were also there for us. You know, and as we get older, um, you know, and I know I'm speaking on a very specific demographic here. I know that there's a lot of people that um, and I and I, you know, and I recognize that there's a lot of folks, uh, have a lot of good friends that maybe didn't grow up in that kind of home environment. Maybe they're maybe one of their parents or both their parents weren't in the picture, maybe they didn't have the best relationship with with their parents per se or their family. Um, or maybe didn't have a lot of people around them at the time, you know, that were there to support them through the good and the bad. But I I recognize that, and I still bring this up to say that I think as we get older and we continue to grow up, we recognize that whatever our circle looks like, whatever our support system looks like, you know, we know that they're all there in a way, or we keep them close to us because to a degree, they allow us to make the most of our life. They remind us to enjoy the good things and they remind us to stay strong and to try to overcome the bad things. Um, and again, that looks different for everybody, whoever that might be in your life, however many people it might be. But I think also the older we get, the more we grow into our adulthood and we start to have more life experiences, we realize that that has to there's only gonna be how am I trying to say this? There's at the end of the day, there's gonna be one person that you start with and that you probably end with when it comes to who's gonna support you, who's gonna allow you to enjoy the good times and make the most of the bad times and try to get through them as well. It starts with you. And the older we get, the more we come into our adulthood, we we find ways to cope with things, uh, we find ways to enjoy ourselves, we find ways to to try to, you know, overcome an obstacle or um, you know, to try to encourage ourselves to do things, even if we're having a real rough go of it, you know, if life has put us in a really crappy place, what do we do to try to improve ourselves or put us in a better spot? Or, you know, if if maybe we're feeling a little lonely, but we're still trying to enjoy the things that life has given us. Um however, you know, we might be privileged or the things that we've been blessed with, what kind of opportunities are still, you know, sitting in front of us, waiting for us to take full advantage of them and make the most of them? It starts with us. And I think to kind of round this out, it's this idea that any discipline or accountability you have in your life, but also any grace and any kindness that you show yourself, it all starts to balance itself, balance itself out the moment you try to take full I don't want to use the word control because we're never fully in control to a degree when it comes to life, but when you take full effort, you've put your full effort into it to balance those things out and to implement both of those things to try to find that balance. And again, the key is you know, you want to aim for the middle because that's what will allow you to anticipate both the highs and the lows, but also understanding that, you know, you aiming for that is the discipline part, the accountability part. But then the grace is you're gonna sometimes slip a little bit higher or you know drop a little bit lower. And that's okay. Because as long as you accept that, it's the easier way you kind of round yourself back out to the middle as best as you can. And that to me, that's a winning formula. Is it a perfect one? Is it always gonna give you an exact answer? No, but it is the winning formula for any of us to find out what does that look like in my life? How what kind of things am I implementing into my life? How do I treat myself along the way? Um, and and ultimately, how do I consider as many things in the equation as possible so that I can be prepared for what life throws at me, how I can build myself along the way, and ultimately how I can just make the most of the life that I've been given. So I hope that everybody enjoyed this topic. Um, it was definitely a very stimulating one for me. I'll be honest. My mind was like going in so many different directions as I was talking throughout this episode, and and I hope maybe it stimulated any kind of thought in any of you that that were listening as well. You know, I'll even if one person heard this and and and found a new way to think about something, I'm I'm I'm very happy to have been a part of that process. I know I've had so many very in you know intellectual people or people that know really how to express their thoughts and how to share things and different perspectives, it always helps me, you know, grow in my way of thinking. So um if I did that for any of you, I'm I'm more than happy that that I did, and I could be a part of that for you. But ultimately, you're still at that driver's seat. So don't forget that ultimately that that starts and ends with you. Um of course, always sending love to every single one of you, any of you daydreamers that have been continuing to listen to this podcast, have tuned into the episodes. Again, go check out any of the episodes you haven't checked out, go re-listen to any, go share with somebody that you think maybe could use any of these um topics or conversations. And as always, I will always say, please drop a comment, uh, leave a like, whatever it is, uh, you know, on my Instagram. This is, you know, can continuing to be a podcast that's growing. Um, and I could always use more ideas, things that that you want to hear me talk about. Um I I you know I also can't go without mentioning, once again, this is eventually coming to a place where we're gonna make this a video podcast. So I can't wait to be able to show my face, have more FaceTime with everybody, engage more with people as well. And very soon I'm gonna have my very first guest on. Uh I already know who it is. I'll be sharing with all of you soon who that's gonna be, what we're gonna be talking about. I cannot wait for that episode. It's it's gonna be a really good one. Um, should be happening sometime in the next few weeks. So you'll hear more about that soon. But otherwise, to all of you, always remember there's someone out there that loves you, that cares about you, that's thinking about you, but also don't forget what you can do for yourself. You're more than capable of doing so many, so many great things. So I appreciate every single one of you for taking the time to listen, uh, for making time out of your day, even having me on in the background. I take no offense to it. I have things in the background all the time. So it's all good. Um, love you all. Have a great day wherever you are, whatever you're doing. Make the most of what you got, and I'll talk to you on the next episode.