Becoming Her - Lessons from our 20s

Our 20s? Equal parts chaos, confidence, questionable decisions… and major growth. In this episode, we’re sharing the real lessons we learned along the way—what we’d tell our younger selves, what we’d do differently, and where God showed up even when we didn’t realize it. Consider this your big sister pep talk with a side of grace and sass. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to the Living with Grace and Sass podcast. We are your co-hosts, Katie and Sierra. Today we are we decided to give some big sisterly advice to our 20-year-old selves that we definitely have learned the hard way.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

That is true. So, okay, you know how early in the year everybody was doing the trend uh the decade trend of looking back at their 2016-year-old self. Yes. Um, and you sent me a message that you were looking back at those pictures and just laughing. And I said, I absolutely do not need to look back at those pictures because I know exactly who I was and where I was in 2016. And I do not need to visit that girl again. Definitely not. So that did like it was funny, it was also cringy, but it definitely made me kind of think as we were talking about this topic of just how much life has happened in the last 10 years. Um, and I'm not that 20-something-year-old girl anymore. I'm about to be, I know, right? I'm about to be 37. So I like to think that since then I've gained some wisdom in the last 10 years that my 27-year-old self would be pr very proud of.

unknown 1:16

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

So hopefully. So hopefully today we can share some of that wisdom with everyone listening.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Yes. So I'll go ahead and start. I think um one that instantly came to my mind was, and you may laugh at this, was that avocados and cream cottage cheese will be absolute game changers when it comes to nutrition. Because growing up, I didn't know what an avocado was until we moved to Texas. Um and my friend in college really pushed for me to try avocados, and I finally did. And it's like icing on the cake, except for it's an avocado. Except it's green and not icing. No, and it's so good. It just makes everything so much better. Chips and guacamole, listen, facts. And then cottage cheese, when obviously it came from the whole trend of adding cottage cheese to everything to make it high protein. Um, and I've really tried to increase protein that it because it's so tasteless in things, I just wanted in everything. I'm like, now I'm getting my protein.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

My 20-year-old self would have cringed if I told her that I was going to eat cottage cheese because that is disgusting. And you make cottage cheese bread, like pizza crust bread. I know. Who knew that I was going to put cottage cheese in my pizza crest?

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Not 20-year-old 20-year-old Katie would not have believed 37-year-old Katie on that. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

And I will 100% always pay extra for guac. But yes. Because I'm also extra, so guac and I get along perfectly. Um, but yeah, no, that's a good one because I would not have been down with avocado or cottage cheese in my 20s.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Nope. Healthy food. What? Are you kidding me? No, not back then.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

I'm fairly confident I only ate pizza from the cafeteria in college because I didn't like anything else that they served. So I'm fairly confident most of my meals all week long were pizza or something I was cooking in a hot pot that I wasn't supposed to have in the dorms in the microwave. But it's fine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I uh but I've now gotten to that point where I personally refuse to pay 99 cents for three slices of avocado. If I'm going to a place and I know I want a salad, like I love the salads at Texas Roadhouse, I will quite literally drive out the way, go grab an avocado, and take it to the restaurant and cut it open.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

You show up with an avocado in your purse.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Whole avocado.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

What do you do with the rest of it?

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Do you eat it all? I put that whole avocado on my salad.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Would 20-year-old Sierra pull out an avocado from her purse?

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Absolutely not. Oh my gosh. And she would have like freaked out if someone at the table did that. I don't know that 37-year-old Katie can pull an avocado out of her purse. I've had a waiter like look at me, like, are you really doing that? As I'm fully cutting my avocado talking to him. I just told him I'm not paying you 99 cents for three slices when I can have a whole one for$1.28. That's hilarious. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Sierra's like, hold on, y'all. I have to stop and get my avocado before we can go out to eat.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

I'm gonna do that next time when we're out to eat with the family just to see what anyone's at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

You'll be shamed hardcore for my brother.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Oh, facts.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Hardcore. And he'll never let it go. No, he won't. You're exactly right. Now that we all know Sierra is carrying avocados in her purse, if you need produce, you know where to go. Got you. Sierra is your girl. Yes. That's a good one. I like that. No hard lessons learned there. No tasty lessons is there.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Tasty, nutrition, getting your protein intake. Yeah. Yeah, and some shame, but it's fine. Yeah, it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

You learn to embrace it. You too. That's another thing. As you get older, you really don't care what people think nearly as much. Nope. That's also very freeing. That's free advice I would give my 20-year-old self. Yes. It's okay to not care what everyone else thinks.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Because everyone has an opinion. And ultimately, their opinions aren't what I'm worried about.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Yeah, you're gonna make somebody mad no matter what. You're never gonna please the whole group, so it really doesn't matter. Exactly. Do what you're supposed to do and keep on going from there. Keep on leads to my first one. The first thing I would tell myself, my 20-year-old self, is stay the course. Um, because I went through this really long season of waiting and not like loving the season I was in. Um and I feel like I stayed the course, stayed the course, stayed the course until I didn't stay the course for a while. Um, and so I would just remind myself to stay the course because God is working even when I can't see it or couldn't see it. Um and like there is a plan you're gonna make it through. Um, but just stay the course and keep going. Don't don't try to jump off the ride mid mid-climb up the roller coaster.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

I don't know where I was going with that metaphor. I can see it. I think of what is that little train that could Thomas the train? No, the little engine that could. Why can I never remember those? Anyways, but no, that's what I think of is like you just keep no matter how nice the person next to you, no matter how smooth the ride may look, yeah, you don't know how rough it was for them to get to that smooth part. Yeah, um, so yeah, definitely even when it's hard, even when it looks when the light just may look dim ahead, like just keep going.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Yeah, that's such a good point. Yeah, I love what you said about not comparing someone else's smooth ride right now to what looks and feels bumpy for you. Um, and I think that's even more important now with social media because all we see is people's highlight, highlight reels. Um, and when I think of like me now versus me in my 20s, it was so much about like posting all of the great things so that everyone could see what was going on and think that it was all great, even though it necessarily was not great inside. And I was like, I hate this, I hate it here. If you know, you know. Yes. Um, but it's so important not to compare whatever journey you're on, whatever path you're on, um, whatever season you're in, really, to a season that somebody else is in, or what you're seeing on social media of somebody else. And I definitely would give my 20-year-old self that advice of stay the course, keep going, and stop looking around at what everybody else is doing and what everybody else has. So if I wasn't looking at everyone else's stuff, I would not have been nearly as upset and trying to change whatever path or whatever trajectory I was on.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Exactly. It's almost like I don't know if you necessarily want to walk around with blinders on because you still should be observant. Yeah. Um, because some of those things could motivate you um to want those things, but want it the right way. Um, but then I also feel like walking around with blinders can kind of isolate you. And that's also not what you want to do, should do.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

Yeah, yeah, I agree with you. But I think in your 20s, what I feel like now is in my late 30s, is that you're still trying so hard to figure out who you are. Um, and you don't want to be swayed by everybody else. No, you want who you are to be firmly rooted in who the Lord has made you to be. And if you're looking around at everybody else, it's so much harder to do that.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

And it's even harder because our frontal lobes still are that is so true.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Neurologically, stop looking at everybody else because it's not being who you are supposed to be. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

You're son of still literally trying to figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Yeah. I mean, the secret is that at 37, I'm still trying to figure it out. I mean, I'm fairly confident in who I am and who the Lord has made me to be, but life still trying to figure it out. Oh, absolutely. So there's no secret there. So I'm telling myself today, stay the course, keep going, stop looking at what everybody else is doing. And I will definitely be here to keep reminding you, as you will me. Yes, exactly. Uh okay, so what's your next piece of advice that you're giving your 20-something self?

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Um, I think for me, my next one is going to be embracing vulnerability because it's going to make you stronger and not weaker. Um, I definitely grew up thinking that if I cried, that means I'm weak. If I asked for help, then that means I can't do it. Um, so I guess I I guess you could say I struggled with having some pride. Um and I'm not to say that my mom is to blame, but she was a single mother raising two kids and had to do a lot herself. Um, it's very inspiring, but also I could see how we just learned that asking for help was hard. And so I definitely didn't do a lot of that. I didn't do that in school, I didn't do that in sports. I mean, there was just a lot of aspects in life that I just didn't. I refused to ask for help. Um and I avoided places or scenarios or even movies. I avoided things that I knew was going to make me cry because I feel like that was gonna make me break to the point and my mom could vouch for this, that she could tell that there was so much pent-up emotions in me. I mean, because I'm a girl, we run through those emotions. Yes. Um, she could tell that it was I was about to hit my breaking point, that she almost, I guess, quote unquote, would poke the bear to make me to make me get it all out. Because literally, after I got it all out, I felt so much better. It's true, and so learning to understand that and be okay, and know that the people you're around when you are vulnerable are those that love you and encourage that for you, that it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Yeah, it doesn't make you weak at all, it makes you human, and I think it builds deeper trust with others and it builds friendships, it builds community, which is you and I both are huge on the importance of friendships, the importance of community, um, and being vulnerable with each other. Yes. Because if you're willing to be vulnerable, then you're also willing to hear someone else's point of view. You're also willing to take a little bit better, I think, correction and guidance. Um, and so that accountability as you get older of staying the course, walking a path that the Lord has laid out for us is easier to take when you are being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be accountable to other people.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Absolutely. And to kind of jump off what you said about um hearing someone's someone else's side, um, that is a good point because I very much was one of those, if I'm mad at you, we cannot talk right at that moment. Like once when that argument happens, I need some time to kind of process and and just get all that anger out and and think. Yeah. Um but I have noticed lately that when there's conflict, that I'm like I lean more towards let's talk about this. Let's not let this do because I definitely can get I know I'm guilty of getting in my head and having all these scenarios. So let's just go ahead and get it out. Let's talk and let's find common ground. So, yeah, that is true.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

Yeah, I mean, being vulnerable definitely I think strengthens relationships in that way. Of you're vulnerable, you're willing to put yourself in that position of openness to say, hey, here's what's going on. Let's talk it out, let's figure it out, and let's keep going for the sake of the relationship or the sake of my own mental health. Yes. Um, because you know, I've decided 15 different scenarios in my head and have the conversation 10 times already before we're actually talking about it. And so being vulnerable, I think, does put you in that position to hear the other person's side and to like to fight for the relationship from both parties, maybe. Oh yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I like it. That's also hard. Um, I still think as an adult, as as an adult, I guess in your 20s, you're an adult, but you're like a baby adult. Yeah, as a grown-up adult um in my late 30s, it's still hard at times to be vulnerable. But I will say that the relationships I'm the most vulnerable in are my strongest relationships. That is true. You mentioned something about pride and not being vulnerable, coming from a position of pride. And I like that because I think it's spot on. When we're not vulnerable, it's we're saying, I don't need other people. I don't need to be emotional, I don't need to show that I care. Um, and that does really kind of puff us up and put us in a position of pride. But to be vulnerable really does like humble you and take you out of all of that.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Yeah. And so because you also have to be vulnerable when it comes to confessing to the Lord of like things you've done and the sins and asking for repentance. You can't come with this prideful chest blowing out and expecting forgiveness. That's not that's not what it says. That's not how he instructs us to be.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Yeah, for sure. That's such a good point to end that on of that, that we have to come before the Lord humbly and without pride, being vulnerable, being willing to say, here's my sin, and repenting of that. Yeah. I love it. See, we've grown since our 20 years. Look at us. So, what's your next one? So, the next piece of advice I would tell my 20-something self is that there's gonna be a guy and it's gonna feel like it's gonna crush you, but it's gonna be okay. So, keep going. Again, I guess the theme of all of mine are keep going. But I laugh because for so long there wasn't a guy, and I went through that such a long period of singleness, and I wanted a relationship so bad. Um, and then I met a guy that turned out to be terrible for me. I won't call him terrible, I'll say he was terrible for me. It just didn't work, and it 100% was not what the Lord had for me. No, and I know that, and I knew that at the time. So maybe my real piece of advice is there's gonna be a guy, but listen to the Lord. Oh, because that was a time in my life where I flat out made choices to just disregard what the Lord was doing and what the Lord was leading me in because I wanted what I wanted. So me now definitely would tell younger me, it doesn't really matter what you want. Listen to what the Lord is doing and continue on that path. So he has something so much better. And stay far away. The guys that aren't good for you. Really, just any relationship, any situation that you know the Lord is leading you away from, do not continue running towards that. Um, in my situation that was a guy. But I mean, I think we can apply that to a lot of things in life. Oh, we want what we want when we want it, and so even if the Lord is putting up roadblock after roadblock after roadblock and reminding you, hey, this is not what I have for you, um, we sometimes just keep going after those things. So, would you say your stuffy? Just a tad bit. Just a little. Uh, I do think I've grown from that, and that is one of those situations when I look when I laughed at the 2016 challenge that I was like, I don't need to know because I know who that girl was, and she was miserable, she was not happy. Um, she felt like she was drowning and she didn't know who she was anymore. But then I'm like, hey, you did that to yourself. You made all those choices to turn and run the other way, that away from what the Lord was leading you to, and like you did it to yourself. It didn't have to be hard, but you made it much harder because you thought that you knew best. And I like to think that I'm not that person anymore. I like to think I listened to you more Lord more fully. Um, and don't choose to run the opposite direction, but it's also one of those situations that I look back on and I don't I hate saying like I wouldn't change it because I probably would if I had the opportunity, but also I have learned and grown so much through that, and the Lord has refined me so much through that situation, yeah, that I don't regret that part of it, I don't regret what the Lord has done through it. I just regret that I chose sin over what God had for me.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Yes, so because you also have to kind of be careful with having regret because you can have it with an understanding, but you can't fester so much on that regret because then you're gonna miss what's happening right now for sure, and what the Lord has for you, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

And I think I'll just go jump into my next point too, because it ties into this one. Yeah, the first um, because I said this to I think I said this to Nathan the other day. The only thing I really regret about that situation is that one I sinned, but two, it almost ruined something really good. And so that is my next piece of advice is that there's going to be another guy. And he's definitely worth waiting for because when it is the right time and the plans that God has for us come to fruition, they are so much better than we have for ourselves. Everything that I could have like thought I wanted, everything I could have planned did not compare at all to what God had in store for me. Yeah, but it had to be the right timing for both of us. And so, even whenever you think that you know the timing and you know how the plan needs to play out, God is still working on a plan that you can't see, maybe that you can't see fully. And the timing of it is his timing, and it's so much better, it's so much better. So sometimes I think I want to go back and shake that 2016-year-old, 2016 Katie and be like, just stop, just wait. I know you're miserable, but just wait. Um, because something so much better is coming, and that is such a still just applicable reminder to myself now of I can't see the next step. I want to see the next step, but God doesn't always intend for us to know the next piece of the puzzle until we get there.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

You know what's funny is I actually I wish I can remember who um who said this. It was on an either TikTok or an Instagram reel the other day. This guy, he talked about, you know how when you have a trip planned for your family. I don't personally, but so you know, like you have a trip planned. Yeah, and they say you don't want to tell the kids until it's the day. Because if you tell them a week in advance, every day it's a day, are we leaving today? Is it is today? No, we're leaving Friday, but today is Monday. And then here comes Tuesday. Do we leave today? Like they constantly are asked. Constantly, every day. Because they're they can't comprehend. Yeah. The full picture. Yeah. And it's it's equivalent to why we don't get all of the pieces at one time because we're we're not able to comprehend that full picture. And if we get it all at once, then where's the joy? Where's the experience?

SPEAKER_01 22:16

Where's the yeah, and where's the faith to follow? Yes. Yeah. That is such a good example of that. Um, because with kids, that's exactly how it is. But then I'm always like irritated with my kids, and then I think, oh, okay, well, man, I'm so glad the Lord is so loving and gracious. Right. Because I do the same exact thing to him. Because I want to know that's still part of that control that I'm working on all these years later. Of I don't have to know the whole picture to trust that something good is coming. Exactly. Because if I believe that God is good and I do, and if I believe that God is sovereign and I do, then I believe that everything he is doing, every plan, every purpose he has is for his glory and my own good. And his past faithfulness reminds me of his future faithfulness. And so I don't need to see the whole picture to be obedient and to keep going and to know that something better is coming. Absolutely. So there's gonna be a guy, but then there's gonna be another guy, and he's so much better, and he's so much better because God is so good and so faithful to give us exactly what we need when we need it. Um just stay the course and keep going and keep remembering God's faithfulness.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

I feel like stay the course should be a hashtag.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

I've said it a lot in this at the same point. It's so true, though. It is so true. Don't give up on the end goal just for like a temporary moment of whatever. Yeah, temporary satisfaction is not worth trading in the future price.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Absolutely not. So that was a good one. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Sometimes I have good advice for my younger self, yes, definitely a lesson I learned the hard way. Don't we all we can appreciate them now that we're okay?

SPEAKER_00 24:13

What's your next piece of advice? Okay, so I feel like a lot of women will resonate with this is that your mom will literally become your best friend because I would say junior year of high school to probably junior year of college, my mom and I butt head so much because I so badly wanted to be independent, but I also acknowledged that I still needed her, but I was not admitting it. Yeah, absolutely not. That's great. Um and there were many a fight that we had. Um, but then one day it just clicked that my mom does say some things that make sense and yeah, that help me. Um and she does have some life experience that wisdom she gives me, it's because she's been through the same thing. Yeah, and she's trying to help me not learn as hard as she did. Isn't that funny?

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Isn't that great advice that we would give our younger selves? Right. Yeah, but our moms really do know what they're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

They really do. Yeah. Now, if I can get my brother to like, I'm I'm waiting for that to click.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

I'm waiting for my kids to trust that I really do know what I'm talking about. Well, 20 something more years before they stay the course, believe that. Stay the course. Um, no, I agree with you wholeheartedly. My mom and I butted heads a lot in high school. But man, I'm so thankful for her now. And so thankful for the relationship that we have. Because out of anyone in your life, I think your mom is the person that never judges you. No. If she does, she doesn't maybe tell you. But she's always there, like no matter what. No matter what. My mom has always been there and has seen like the worst of me and the best of me, and still chooses to love me, regardless of either one.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

And there's other people that come into your life for for seasons, and I've realized that lately that you have friends during seasons of life, and it doesn't mean that y'all had a big falling out and you never talk again, but you just you phase out, but the one person that's not going to is your mom. Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

She's always gonna be there, not mine either. She's always gonna be there no matter what. Whenever I'm like, hey mom, we're doing a podcast. She's like, Okay, yes, I'll listen. Talk to these people. We have two subscribers for sure. For sure. At least our moms listen to our podcast, right? Um, no, I love that. It's good. Don't don't ruin that relationship in your 20s because you think she doesn't know what she's talking about.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Actually, listen to her because she does. And you're going to need her. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Like, I can't wait to see how the relationship grows between you and Grace. I can't wait to see those teenagers. I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be great because we're gonna remind ourselves we're staying the course. We're staying the course.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Which leads me to my last point of appreciate the season. Yeah, regardless of what it is, don't waste it and just appreciate it. Because it's gonna be up, it's gonna be down, it's gonna be long, and then it's also gonna feel like it's flown by because I don't know about you, but if I look back, I was telling somebody on Bible study last night about something in that happened in 2008, and I almost fell on the floor because I was like, that was 18 years ago. Dang, yeah, I was like, wow, it was 18 years ago that I was a camp counselor in college. Like I was shook, okay. Is that what the kids say? I don't know what the kids say, but I was unwell because 2008 was 18 years ago, and so yeah, and it's hard for me to believe because it feels like a blinked and 18 years happened. And so even in the midst of so much of those, so many of those years feeling so long, they flew by. And so I just don't waste any bit of it. Like appreciate every moment, appreciate which feels so cliche, but in hindsight, I can say that like don't waste the time that God has you in this season because there's a reason for it, and there's something that he's doing there, and there's something he wants to use you in there. Um, and you can be a part of that, or you can waste it trying to get to the next season. But the seasons are gonna change, they're gonna be high, they're gonna be low, and they're gonna fly by. So just stay the course and keep like appreciating the season that you're in.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Absolutely. That is a good one, especially when those seasons feel like a low season, yeah, and you don't fully understand why you're experiencing a season, yeah. Keep still finding there's always some form of joy and happiness in it in those low seasons. So if you need to kind of focus on those to help get you through, yeah. Um, because eventually the sun is gonna shine again. It is. Daylight comes, it does, it doesn't stay dark forever.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

The seasons always change. Um, so just appreciate where you're at, keep those blinders on, like we talked about earlier. Yes, keep your focus on the Lord and keep going, which brings me to our verse of the day. Um, we want to close out every podcast with a verse, always pointing you back to scripture. Um, and so the one that kept coming to my mind for this discussion was out of Ecclesiastes, and it's Ecclesiastes chapter three, verses one through four, which says, For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven, a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. And then I want to jump down to verse 11 of that same chapter, and it says, He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. So I love that passage because it's just such a reminder, and God has used it at several different times in my life to remind me that there is a season for everything, and no matter what is going on, he is using it, and he has made everything beautiful in his time.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

And eventually that's what we're that is what our faith is for, is for eternity, right? Is going throughout life, getting us to eternity with the Father where He is going to make everything new. So no matter what the season is here, and no matter what we wish we would have changed, um, he's still working, he's still using it. And there is a day coming that he is gonna make all things new. Exactly. So amen. So that is our episode. Thank you guys so much for listening to the Living with Grace and Sass podcast, where faith meets real life and best friend banter. Come join our next conversation, Bestie.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Bye.