From Struggle to Story - Part 1

 In this episode, Katie shares her deeply personal journey through infertility—how it stretched her faith, tested her hope, and led her to a place she never expected. She reflects on how God met her in the waiting, the grief, and the unknown, and how, in looking back, she can now see His hand in every moment—carrying her, sustaining her, and gently rewriting her story for good. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to the Living with Grace in Sass podcast. We are your co-hosts, Katie and Sierra, and this episode is going to be a two-parter. So we're going to be talking about a story from a time in our lives that was difficult, but we were able to look back and see just how God was carrying us through it with his provision. And to start off, Katie's going to be sharing her story about infertility and what that has looked like for her, her husband, and her family. So Katie, take it away.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Yeah, so this seems like a topic. The topic of infertility seems like a topic that no one wants to talk about. I think it feels kind of taboo in a lot of ways. And everyone, once you start talking to people, a lot of people have struggled with fertility issues in some form, but no one wants to talk about it. And I don't know why. So I've kind of made it my mission to not be that way about it, um, to be open about it. But I guess for us, we got married in 2018, and right after that, we started trying to have a baby. You know, our story is unique in the fact that when Nathan and I met, I was already a foster mom to JR. So we were knee-deep in the middle of foster care. That was in 2017. We got married in 2018 and then started trying to have a baby. We're still in the midst of foster care at that point. Um, and so we didn't get pregnant, and it was like, you know, maybe it's just the stress of being foster parents. I think with foster care, you kind of carry this underlying stress that you don't really know. I mean, you know it's there, but you don't necessarily acknowledge it all the time. Yeah. So I thought, well, maybe that's just the issue, right? So fast forward to I guess the spring of 2019. We finalized JR's adoption at the end of May. Um, and so I was like, okay, like we're done with foster care. We had closed our home. I was like, surely, I have this huge stress off of me now. So maybe something, you know, maybe we'll get pregnant. Um, but we still didn't. So everything kind of came to a head, I guess in August of 2019. Kind of leading up to that point. I was just, I don't know, when you are dealing with fertility issues and you want, you want to get pregnant, you want to have a baby, you're like, what's wrong? Everyone has an opinion, everyone's telling you do this or do that or do this or don't stress about it, which then makes you stress ten times more because you're like, Well, I didn't think I was stressed, but now I'm stressed and I'm stressing. So you're like trying to calm yourself down. Um, but it all kind of came to a head for me in August of 2019. I had a family member say that they were pregnant, and I remember this sounds terrible to put on the internet and say, but I remember being so angry because I was like, Lord, these people already have kids. Like they have their kids, and now they are having another one. Why can't we just have one? That's all I wanted was one kid. Can we have one biological child? Um, and I was so angry and so just bitter for lack of a better word, because I just didn't understand why the Lord would not allow us to get pregnant. And coming out of the foster care world, you're like, man, I know other people's chaos and craziness, and they're able to have all these kids, but why can't we have a baby? Which also makes you feel like a terrible person when you say that. Because you're like, man, I'm being hardcore judgy. And it's not that that's my heart. My heart isn't to judge anyone. You just in the midst of that struggle, I think the real human emotion is just so much anger, so much bitterness, some so many questions of why. Um, and so in August of that year, 2019, I remember Nathan was like, We've got to do something because this is affecting you way too much. We cannot continue like this. This is not good for you, not good for your mental health. So we went and talked to our pastor at the time, um, who is a dear friend who married Nathan and I. And then I will never forget this day because we go and we sit down at Brady's office and we're just kind of talking through everything. Um, I'm being real and honest for the first time, probably ever in that situation with anyone outside of Nathan to say, hey, here's how I'm feeling. Um, and I will never forget that day because as I'm crying in Brady's office, he's like, you know what, Katie? I am not going to sit here and tell you that God's gonna actually do this, that he's actually gonna answer in the way you want because he might not do it. And it was the worst thing I ever heard, and the best thing I ever heard in that exact moment, because it did not erase my anger or my bitterness or really my heartbreak at the fact that we weren't able to have a biological child. But what it did do in that moment is it forced me to make a decision, it forced me to decide whether I believed that God was good even if he didn't answer in our prayers in the way that we wanted him to answer. And I growing up in church, I don't know if that was. I mean, I'm sure there's other times in my life that I faced suffering or faced a hardship, but that was the first time that I ever actually remember having to make this decision of like, do I actually believe that the Lord is good, even if he doesn't follow through on this thing that I want so desperately? Like, I can sit here and tell you all day long, I believe that God is good, I believe his plans are good. But when the rubber meets the road, whenever we're actually walking through a trial, we're actually walking through suffering, and it's something we want so desperately, and it's not a bad thing, right? Like having biological children is not a bad thing, it's not a sinful thing that I'm asking for. Do I still believe that if that is not part of God's plan, do I still believe that he's good? And that's essentially what like Brady confronted me with to say what really no one else had said, and maybe Nathan had been saying it, I don't know. But for the first time, like Brady said it and just straight up said it like he might not do this, and you have to decide where you go from here, what this looks like for you, for y'all together as a couple. Um, and I feel like that was such a defining moment in my faith as an adult and kind of the catalyst to to move me forward in a lot of things, because I had to decide did I actually believe all what I had been saying, I believed for 30 years, or did I actually not believe that that was true about the Lord? Um, and so I will never forget that day. I I swear when I'm 80 years old, I'm still gonna remember sitting in Brady's office and him saying that hard truth of like God might not do it, and I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that he will, because that would also not be fair to you to say that he will when he might not. But another thing he said that day too was you know, in two years, we're gonna we're we can come meet in the same office and we're gonna look back and we're gonna see what the Lord has done. And maybe that's we're going to be thanking the Lord for y'all having a biological child, or we're gonna be thanking the Lord for um, you know, him bringing maybe a child into your home through adoption. So we we kind of left that day with this decision of like we have to decide. I have to decide if I think the Lord is good and where do we go from here? And for Nathan and I, that was to do some fertility testing because up until that point we hadn't. We had been really kind of hesitant to do it. And Brady also encouraged us just do some testing, do some basic testing and just see if there's something that's easily resolved or not. Because having that gives you this kind of idea of okay, yeah, it probably is gonna happen, or no, it's probably not gonna happen. And I don't know if it was the fear of that, that kind of like finality that I didn't want to do any testing, but I did know because we had decided together, if there was a medical issue, we were not that wasn't easily addressed. We were not taking any drastic steps towards fertility treatment or anything like that. That was not something that Nathan and I felt led to do, not something on our hearts. We had been in the midst of foster care, and so we knew kind of what that system looked like, and we knew there was a lot of kids waiting for homes. And so we had already decided together if this is not gonna work out where we have biological children and we want to add to our family, then we will adopt again instead of going through fertility treatment. So we did a little bit of testing, and just with the little bit of testing we did, we knew that the likelihood of us getting pregnant was very slim. Um, and so that was another kind of hard day. I remember like kind of making a joke about it later on to Brady, and he was like, Did y'all find out that that's not gonna happen? And we were like, Yeah, basically, yes. Um, but it was it was again this like moment of deciding whether I thought the Lord was good or not, and what how was I gonna be? Because I so easily could have stayed planted in anger and bitterness and resentment and like questioning the Lord's plans, but I knew that wasn't who I wanted to be, that wasn't what I believed of the Lord, and so that wasn't the road I wanted to continue down. Um so fast forward two years, it's funny when I think about it because we sat in Brady's office in August of 2019, and then in October of 21, so just a little over two years later, we're calling Brady to be like, hey, in 23 hours, they're bringing us a newborn who they want an adoptive home for. And so, you know, in August uh April of 21, we finished closing on our house that we had just built. And literally the day we closed, I called our foster agency from before and was like, hey, I'm ready for you to come license us. Like, let's get the ball rolling. And so that was April of 21. We kind of waited through the summer, didn't really get any calls, and then October comes and she calls and says, Hey, there is a baby that is five days old, needs placement. CPS is saying they want an adoptive home, they want this to be long-term. You know, they're already saying this out of the out of the gate. And she said, I know that you're hesitant to take a foster placement. But if you want a baby, I think this is the route to go. And I remember calling Nathan. I can still vividly picture myself standing in the parking lot of a Sherman ISD elementary school and calling Nathan and saying, Hey, Jamie just called and there's a baby that needs placement, but it's a little boy. And he was like, Okay, well, what do you want to do? Because he knew, you knew, everybody knew I wanted a daughter. Um, and so he said, You know, Katie, I don't think that you can say no just because it's a boy. Like, if you want a baby, if you feel like this is what God's leading our family to, then you have to say yes. And I was like, Okay, we can say yes. I can just be a boy mom. It's fine, I can be a boy mom. And so I hang up with him, I call her back, and I'm like, hey, go ahead and submit our home study. Um, because at that point, the state has to decide, you know, whether to place or not. And so I hang up with her, and like 10 seconds, 20 seconds later, she sends me a text message and she's like, Oh my gosh, I read the file wrong. It's actually a girl. And so I was like, wow, Lord, man, deciding to choose obedience. Like, as you, if you listen carefully, hear that little girl screaming in the background um of this recording, but just deciding to choose obedience and follow the Lord. Um, it completely changed everything for us. And so, you know, we get that phone call. I call my mom and tell her, and she's like, Okay, I'm going shopping. I'm like, you don't even know if CPS has chosen us yet. And she's like, it's fine, I'm going shopping. I can record, I can return stuff if I need to. Um, and so so she does that. I call you, you start going shopping with my mom, you're like coordinating a crib. It just becomes a whole thing. And literally, from phone call to her them bringing her and giving her to us, is 23 hours to prepare. Um, and it was this thing that only the Lord could do that I could have never seen when I looked back in 2019. I could have never guessed what was coming in 2021. And it's so funny to me in hindsight that Brady said, you know, in two years, who knows what we're gonna be praying for? Like maybe we're gonna be thanking the Lord for a biological child for y'all, but we may also be thanking the Lord for a child that he's brought into your home through adoption. And so, you know, he walked that whole adoption journey with us um, with her. Uh he was there her adoption day. And I just, it's this beautiful picture of how the Lord took something that was so challenging and felt so like kind of earth-shattering for me, um, and then made something amazing and beautiful out of it, you know, through growing our family that way. Um, and it's so it it's one of those issues that I wouldn't like I wouldn't have chosen it, but I can a hundred percent see how the Lord used it now and how he continues to use it, and how his plans were so much better than anything that we could ever have come up with on our own. And so while that didn't erase the like pain and difficulty in that, man, the Lord is still so good and has been so good and faithful through that whole journey. So that's why I kind of just wanted to talk about it today because I know that there are a lot of women, there are a lot of couples that struggle with fertility issues for a million different reasons. Like if you start diving into it, it's a it could be a million reasons why you're not having a child. Um, and I just want it to be a topic that doesn't feel so taboo. I want it to be a topic that I can say, like, hey, I see you in this, and I have walked a similar road. While it may look a little different, I can still be empathetic here. I can still hopefully offer some guidance and wisdom down the road. Um, because the Lord has been good and he has been faithful, even whenever I was so angry and I was so bitter, and I was struggling so hard to see his faithfulness through it.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

So sorry, I'm like sitting here like fighting back tears. Y'all, every time I hear this story, it gets me so emotional. Just because one, I got to walk through this with you as your friend. Um, because we became friends like right around when you adopted JR. Yeah. Um, and so I still remember that in your house. I still remember him banging on the window saying mama, and like you had just had a maybe a week, and I'm just like, oh my gosh, this little boy. Yeah. And just to see the struggles and the the goodness of the Lord through your story, like the part where you say yes, even though it's a baby boy. And then as soon as you're like, okay, Lord, I'm trusting you, I'm saying yes. And this is not to speak on uh prosperity gospel. That's not what I'm saying, but for her to turn around and say, actually, I misread it, it's a girl. Like, oh, it still gives me goosebumps. Yeah, so beautiful. Yeah. Um, so one, I want to say, thank you for letting me walk through this journey with you. Well, thank you for walking with me.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

It was a hard season, and looking back, I'm like, this was challenging for everybody, especially two when we walk like walking through foster care and adoption, because you invite everyone into brokenness with you and to like fall in love with this child who then may turn around and go home or go somewhere else. Um, and so you know, thanks for walking out with us because you were there the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

So um, so I just wanted to just ask some questions in regards to your story. Um, how did this experience shape the way that you view God's character?

SPEAKER_01 16:32

So I think the biggest thing I learned and kind of saw from this is just God's sovereignty, that he really is good and he really is in control of every single thing. Because there were so many times that it did not feel good. It did not feel like that the plan that he was working and the plan that he was laying out before us was for my good. Um, it really felt a lot of times like it was for my destruction or like, you know, uh I don't know, it feels weird saying that, but it didn't feel good. And I think that maybe that's why one of this topic is something people don't want to talk about or we don't want to talk about suffering because it feels weird on the back end to say, like, oh, actually that was for my good. Um, but I learned so much about the character of the Lord in this that he is good and he is faithful and he is loving and he he loves us and he wants he wants to give us things beyond what we could ever imagine. And so even if the process of getting there doesn't feel good, um, he is still good, he is still faithful. Um, you know, there's a song, it's called His Glory for My Good by City of Light. And the first time I ever heard that song was this summer, right before, it's so funny to say this. Right before I went and found my neighbor deceased, right? That was a whole dramatic thing. Um, but I heard that song for the first time that day in church before I leave and go find her. And there's a line from that song that stuck with me that day. And then as I've looked back on this journey of kind of infertility and in other struggles in life, and it says this it says, There is hope in every trial, for I can trust the Lord. He will turn my heart towards him and help me bear this thorn. So in faith, I follow Jesus on the road not understood, for I know that he is working for his glory and my good. And that comes straight from scripture, right? We know that he is working all things together for his glory and our good, but practically lived out. That doesn't always feel that way. In the midst of that, it did not feel good in any way at all. In hindsight, I can look back and say, like, here's all the things, but in the moment it didn't feel that way. But it you that situation specifically revealed so much about who God was to me that I have used it in every season, every trial, every bit of suffering I've faced since then, I can face differently because of the character of God that I learned so deeply in that time. Yeah. That He is good, He is loving, and He's not withholding good things from us. We just sometimes only get this like one puzzle piece view that if we could zoom out and see the whole puzzle, the whole picture, we could then understand, oh, actually, this is for my good, and actually this is a loving thing. But we're so focused often on the one little tiny piece we can see that in the moment we can't we can't see the bigger picture, we can't see how it's good. But man, after that, I walk forward and I'm like, no, I know that the Lord is good, I know that he is faithful because I've seen his faithfulness through this season.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Um, did that season change how you pray or how you seek the Lord now?

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Yeah, I definitely think it did because as you know, it wasn't like we got to October of 2021, we got grace, we adopted her in uh March of 23, and then I never struggled with this like desire to have a biological child again. Like you know, most of our friends know, that you know, six months ago, I was kind of struggling with this idea of the fact that we were never gonna have a biological child again. And it's one of those things that you're like, when you're dealing with it, you're struggling with it again. You're like, why? Like I've already dealt with this, Lord. Like I've already walked this road. I had peace about this because I did. Um, you know, I said August of 2019 was kind of the catalyst. It was the swit the switch in my heart and mind, but it took work every day of pursuing the Lord, deciding, you know, I do believe this about Him. We get grace, we adopt her. And then it took continually praying, like, okay, Lord, I know that you are good, and I know that this still might come up, and it has continually, not continually, periodically since 2023. I would say that I've kind of gone through seasons where where I struggled because the desire was still there or is still there. I love our family. Like I would not change one single bit of of either of the kids' stories, of Nathan and I's story. I would not change all these years of fertility issues. Um, but it that doesn't mean that the desire for a biological child has necessarily changed or gone away. Some days it feels more than others. Some days I I mean, some months I don't think about it at all. But going through that, it did change the way I prayed and the way I saw the Lord in that because I realized, and I realize now all these years later, that I still can't do it in my own strength. I still can't just wake up and be super happy all the time about us not. Having a biological child, but it doesn't have to control me. It doesn't have to consume me. It certainly doesn't have to affect my emotions. Um, but that takes me seeking the Lord more in those things and on those days. Not that we shouldn't ever seek the Lord. Right. We should always be seeking the Lord, but but I know that there are going to be seasons that I have to seek him a little bit more in that area specifically. I have to pray that he would remind me of what he reminded me of or taught me in 2019. I have to pray that he would be the thing that sustains me, that reminds me of his goodness, of his blessings, that he would bring those things to mind. And that I would look at my family and say, man, what a thing the Lord has done and what a blessing they are. And so I think we often have to do that in life. We have to look at where we're at. We have to look at the blessings the Lord has given us. And we have to continue to thank him for those things. And so I hope that it's made me a little bit more thankful now than I was back in 2019 or even in 2023. So I hope I'm thanking him more often for the things that he's done and the blessings that he has given me.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

During that season, do you do you remember a time where you felt like you wrestled with God?

SPEAKER_01 23:23

Yeah, I definitely think probably leading up to that conversation with Brady in his office with Nathan and I, leading up to that, and then after that, I do think that that was a time where I I really did kind of wrestle with the Lord and struggle with that of that idea of do I actually believe this?

SPEAKER_00 23:42

So kind of jumping off of that, do you feel like that this has changed your perspective in any way when it comes to future challenges that we are going to face?

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Yeah, absolutely. I do feel like it has given me one, it's given me kind of just a testimony to others, but then it's also given me this perspective of I know what the Lord did before, so I know what he's gonna do now. So even if it doesn't feel good in the moment, I can look at current challenges or future challenges and say, like, I know what the end goal is, and ultimately it's Christ, ultimately it's him. Even if there is like no earthly answer, there's no earthly resolution, or it never feels good here. I still know that the Lord is good, and I and I can walk in that today. Like I know where my hope lies, and maybe that's what it did for me is it cemented that, it cemented where my hope lied, and it wasn't actually in a biological child, it wasn't in Nathan and I getting an earthly answer to our prayer in any way. Our hope lied in the fact that ultimately Christ is the prize, that God is the prize, eternity with him is the prize, and even if it never happens here, I know that there's something so much greater coming. And that is part of that song, too. Um, they talk about like, even though I can't see any earthly good, I know that he is our good. That it's not ultimately this thing, it's actually him, it's Christ that is our good. And I love in scripture when the Israelites go into the promised land and God tells them, you know, pull 12 stones out and of the Jordan River and set them as remembrance stones. And he knew they needed a reminder. He knew that they would need reminders all throughout their history to look back and say, this is what the Lord has done. And that's why he gave them this idea of setting these memorial stones. And so we talk about that a lot in Bible study. I talk about it a lot in just life of remembering because I can face future challenges because I know the character of God today. Because in 2019, he cemented that character in my heart of this is who he is, and he is good and he is faithful and he is sovereign and in control. And so I I can't think of and I mean, I can think of some pretty terrible things in life that could happen. I don't dwell on those things, but I can think of some, but I hope and I I can confidently say I know that whatever happens, whatever comes, God is good and he is faithful. And even if it doesn't feel like it, he's still working. And so that is a thing that helps me walk forward, knowing that challenges are gonna come. We're gonna face suffering. Like I'm this side of eternity, so there's bound to be more suffering in this life, right? Um, but I cling so tightly to what I know from 2019, what I know from 2021, from 2023. Um, that God is good. And so I look back on those my own remembrance stones, if you will, and that's how I face future challenges.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

I love that reminder of the remembrance stones. Um, because it is hard. Yeah. As it's even it's hard as a human, but it's also hard as a believer of accepting that we may not get answers on this side. Yeah. And to to c remember to walk in faith and to hold on to that faith and knowing that something better is coming where we will get our answers. Our answers is to be in the kingdom. Yeah. Um that's definitely a hard reminder.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

It is, and I think so often, we talked about this the other day, the body's just natural reaction is to avoid suffering at all costs. So as a PT, I see it all the time. People change the way they walk because their hip hurts, things like that. The body wants to avoid suffering and pain. And so we try to do that. But so often, like those characteristics of the Lord, those things, those remembrance stones happen because of suffering, because of trials. We don't necessarily get that cemented hope from just like everything being perfectly fine and all good and all happy, sunshine rainbows, right? It comes through trials, it comes through suffering. Um, but it is so much sweeter on the back end to say, like, man, the Lord is good and look how he has grown me in this. Um, and this is how we can continue facing challenges because we know even if it doesn't happen in this life, eternity is the prize. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 28:43

So um just to kind of end on an encouragement, um, what would you say to someone who's currently walking through a similar season?

SPEAKER_01 28:57

Um, I would say one, you're not alone. Fertility issues, and maybe that's why I want to talk about it more often, is because it can feel so isolating. You can look around you and you can find 10 different people that have just had a baby or getting pregnant or um whatever. And so it can feel like no one else is dealing with this, no one else has faced this, and it feels so hush hush that it feels so isolating. So I would say one, you're not alone. Um, find people that you can talk about it with, people that will just sit and listen. Um, and then also find people that are gonna tell you hard truths because people would listen, but no one was saying what Brady said to me that day of like, God might not do this. I say that now to people um because because I've walked that road of like he didn't answer this prayer in the way that I thought I wanted him to. Um, so I would say find people that are willing to to give you hard truth, and then cling so tightly to what you know of the Lord, to what you know of his character, that you know that whatever's happening ultimately is for your good, it's for his glory. Um, and then another this this is not my advice. This came from Brady, and I claim it now as my advice, but um is like this is not this was never a Katie issue or a Nathan issue. Like if we had fertility issues and if we did fertility testing, this was never Katie has a problem or Nathan has a problem. This was always a us issue together. It was never one or the other, it was always us. If if there was a problem that said, hey, we're probably never gonna have a biological child, this was us together. And Brady gave us that advice, and that had that was huge because it could have so easily driven a wedge between us. We could have done fertility testing and been like, man, this is your fault. This is you're the reason. Um, and neither one of us ever did that. We always went into it as like this is us together, regardless of what the results say. And so I think it made our marriage stronger because of that. So my advice on that would be this is a a you together thing. This is a team thing. If you're walking this road, if you're doing testing, if you're struggling with this, this is you together. You have to, you have to walk the road with each other, being honest with each other about where you're both at, and then just deciding from the very beginning, no one's gonna place blame on somebody else to say this is your issue or my issue, but to say this is us together and what does it look like together? So it definitely give that advice of this is a team, right? Your marriage is a team sport and your fertility issue is a team sport. Um, this is as a team, how do we walk this together? And then I think probably the last bit of advice I would give is um, well, is probably this like it might not happen. I'll say what Brady said to me. There's a million people in your life that are gonna say, well, if you don't stress about it, if you just take this, like you do this or you do that, or just stop worrying about it, it's gonna happen as soon as you stop stressing. Okay, well, that's a bunch of bull. Like that actually might not happen. Um, because there's been a lot of years that I didn't stress about it and it still didn't happen. Right. Um, so if you're one of those people that's walking with a friend through fertility issues, do not tell them to stop stressing. Do not tell them that if they just stop thinking about it, that it'll happen. Because one, that's not true necessarily, and two, it's not helpful to say that. Um, and so just if you're the person walking through the fertility stuff, just take a breath and know that really it is gonna it's gonna be what the Lord wills, one way or another. Whether that is that you're gonna end up having a biological child or not, um, it's God's plans, it's not yours. There's really nothing you can do to thwart the Lord's plans. And so if he wills it, it will happen in due time. But if he has different plans, know that they are still good. They may not feel good at the time, but whatever the plans that he has for you, they are good and they are ultimately to bring him glory. So choose that no matter what, you're gonna glorify the Lord in the midst of it. There were probably lots of times I did not bring glory in my actions and my bitterness and my anger, um, in my thoughts, whatever. But I hope looking back, I hope I have a testimony that says, you know, this is what the Lord has done, and this is how I can still glorify him in it, even when he didn't answer the way that I wanted. So your story isn't like a failure, it's not wrong. If you don't ever have a biological child, there is still so much good in your story, whatever that looks like. And if you continue pointing your eyes towards Jesus, deciding that every day, no matter what it looks like, you're gonna glorify him. I promise you, your relationship with the Lord is going to grow. Your relationship with others, probably with your spouse, is probably gonna grow because you're actively seeking to glorify God no matter what it what happens, no matter what it looks like. Um, and in the end, you're gonna look back and I and you're gonna say, Man, look at all that the Lord has done, even in not answering the way I wanted. Um, look at the way he's grown me, and look how much more of him I get to enjoy, and how much better I know him now than I would have if he had just answered the way I wanted. Because man, I can look back and say, I know him more fully today than I did in 2019, even after growing up in the church, because of the the trial, because of the suffering, because of the season we went through. So if you're in the midst of that season, don't give up. Keep going, keep pursuing the Lord, and decide. Decide today that even if he doesn't answer the way that you want him to, you know that he is still good and you know that he is still working, um, and ultimately he is the prize.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

And and tell me if you would also agree with this, but to and this could go for any any struggle, not necessarily just infertility, but just to focus on your identity being in Christ and not your identity of being a mom, yeah, a wife, a business owner, like whatever the case may be, don't let your identity be at that, because if it's not happening, you're going to get disappointed and discouraged. But if you focus on your identity being in Christ, he's gonna lead you where he has planned for you. Yeah. I mean, Jeremiah 29, 11. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, right? Plans to prosper you and not to harm you and plans to give you a hope in a future. Um, and it's so true. If my identity is rooted in being a wife and a mom, then then that identity would have been shaken to its core in 2019, right? Um, and all those months of trying to have a baby and not being able to, it would have been shaken. But when my identity is fixed solely on who I am in the Lord and who he says I am, um, then I can keep walking forward even if that thing never happens.

SPEAKER_00 36:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

So so I want to leave today with um a verse from Daniel. I think this kind of gets quoted a lot, um, but I want to read the actual passage. It says it's Daniel chapter 3, verse 16 through 18, or it says, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God, whom we serve, is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up. It's this idea that even if God does not answer, right, they're in they're at risk of their lives, they're about to be thrown into a fiery furnace because they won't bow down to this statue. And it's this idea that God is going to deliver them, they know that. But he says, But if not, we still will not bow down and worship. Even if God chooses not to save us from the fiery furnace, we will not worship you, O King Nebuchadnezzar. Right? Even if God does not answer my prayers, that we would have a biological child, he is still good, and I will not forsake following him. I will continue to fix my eyes on Jesus, knowing that he is my prize, and I will continue walking forward every day towards eternity, even if it never changes here. Amen. This has been part one of this episode of the Living with Grace and Sass podcast, where real life meets best friend Banter. New episodes drop every other Wednesday, so be sure to like, follow, subscribe, and share on your favorite platform. Come join our next conversation, Bestie.

unknown 38:36

Bye.