You're Not Behind, You're Just Watching Everyone Else

Ever scroll through social media and suddenly feel like everyone else is getting engaged, buying houses, landing dream jobs, and living their best life while you're stuck in place? Sis, this episode is for you.

In this episode of The Chaos Corner, we're talking about the comparison trap and how social media can make us question our progress, confidence, and worth. We'll break down the difference between people's highlight reels and real life, why timelines are completely made up, and how comparison steals joy from the life you're actually living.

We'll also dive into practical ways to reconnect with your own goals, build confidence from the inside out, and create a healthier relationship with social media. Plus, we're talking about turning FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) into JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) and why logging off might be the best thing you do for yourself this week.

Big Sister Rule #5: Log off—comparison is a SCAM.

Remember: You are not behind. You are not late. You are not failing. You're simply living your own story, and that's exactly where you're supposed to be.

Grab your favorite drink, silence the notifications, and let's figure it out together.

Transcript

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Welcome to the Chaos Corner, where we laugh, spiral, and figure it out anyways. I'm your host, Chiara Gray, and you're not behind. You're just watching everyone else. Welcome back, guys. Today I'm going to be introducing you to the comparison trap. What social media timelines, your own insecurities can lead to issues. And I know you're probably thinking, where the hell have you been? I went a week without getting an episode. Well, guys, I try my best to do a week, but I thought it would be better to keep you on your toes. So there's gonna be days where you got consistent, or you'll have an episode that comes in. But I can at least guarantee four episodes back to back. But your girl needs a break too, you know? Because she's still the one that's doing these virtual diaries, and I have to figure out my shit too. Day by day. Give me a break. But today we're gonna talk about the comparison trap. And this can be comparison to famous people, comparison to family members, friends, co-workers, life, you know, going to day-to-day. It's something that we do unintentionally, but you do it a lot. And I am at fault for doing it as well. Where it's like, dang, I really like what they have, like, why not me? Why not me? If that isn't something that you gotta fully grasp, that is really hard. Because getting over the why not me and switching it for the it's not my time yet is going to change your whole dynamic and the way you think about not only yourself, but where you're at in your life. Because at the end of the day, no one's life is the exact same as yours, and everyone's going through different phases at different times, and during this time, you can lose friendships because of that, or you can have a disconnect with your family members. So, how do we find the median? How do you deal with it? Well, there's a difference from highlighting reels on TikTok and reality. You can't compare your life to people on social media because they're only giving you 10% of their life, not the full 90% that you're not seeing. You don't know what they're going through on a daily day. You don't know what mental struggles that they're going through, you're only viewing what is displayed and nitpicking at what you see. So, how do you fix from highlight reels to reality? Well, put in your life. Going to gym at twelve o'clock, does it fit your schedule? Going on multiple trips that cost a lot on a monthly basis. Does that fit your lifestyle and your finances? You have to take yourself away from social media because it is a form of entertainment. People are either expressing their life and experiences, which I'm not gonna down TikTok or YouTube or anything like that, because there's so many good platforms that teach you lessons. I know the one I can't think of her name right now, but she teaches people about mortgages and what it's like to own a home. And you can own a home and showing the process that your parents might not be able to teach you, or you have influencers that are just talking about the struggles of being famous. And is that something you really want? And just life stories. There's so much good information through social media when it comes to just knowledge that you can learn. Now, when I say that, I'm not saying believe every single thing that is stated through social media. What I'm saying is that you can't knock everything that is out there. That would be just like talking about this podcast. I'm just explaining and giving my best advice from my point of view, from what I've been through. And some people might grasp it and be like, yes, this is amazing. I needed that. Or there's people who are like, well, that didn't really resonate with me. I can't really take that information. And that's okay. But it's also knowing, is this real or is this a fake reality that I want? So, how are we gonna rebuild that focus in your own life? The only way to rebuild it is look at your life. Look what fits your day-to-day. You can get all the advice, but you can't take everybody's opinion. You can only take bits and pieces that resonate with you and see if it really works out for you in the long run. And this could be relationship advice, this can be work advice, this can be finances, it could be living your life, experiencing new things, getting out in the world, seeing what that world has to offer. It's all of those. But the biggest thing I think I want you to take away today is is it confidence or am I comparing? Do you see things on social media or see people that you went to high school with and be like, oh, I just I'm better than them and this and that, or are you just comparing for what they have? Oh, they have a kid. I don't have a kid, but I have my own apartment. Well, they have a house. Do you have a house? No. And that might just be the blunt, honest truth coming from me. Because it's so easy to compare everybody without really realizing, like, dang, they went through a lot of shit and they deserve that house that they got. They deserve to be cherished in the way that they get cherished because they might have been in a shitty relationship. She deserves to get that really big bouquet of flowers every month because that's probably what her soul needs. There's a difference from needs and wants. Is it something that she needs, or is it are you just comparing the things that you truly want? But if you look yourself in the mirror, are you allowing yourself to receive those gifts? Receive that compassion, receive everything that you're wanting in life. Are you working to those towards those goals? Because people only see you by the house. They don't see the work that you put into getting that house. People only see the little highlights, oh, they got a house, oh, they moved here, they're on a trip, but they didn't see the work you put in to get to that point. And instead of comparing, is that what you really want? What do you want? What is your ideal life? Instead of trying to sit here and be like, well, this person has a good relationship, and this person has a house, and then this person has this, this, that. I wish I had that. I wish I had that. No, don't whisper something. Make it happen. Speak it into existence. Saying you're going to do something and doing it is the biggest flex for yourself that you could ever have. Because there's nothing more powering than being about what you say. I said it. Be about what you say, me what you say, and do it. When I was a kid, my parents taught me don't tell me, show me. So show yourself. Don't show other people now. Show yourself, I can get that apartment, I can get that job, I can get that degree, I can have that safe, healthy relationship. I can travel the world. I can meet those goals that I set for myself because I one spoke it into existence and two continued and worked my ass off to reach that goal. And some goals might have to come with a social media detox. Everyone scream, yep, I know. You're like, you're effing crazy. I'm not. What am I supposed to do with my free time? I'm gonna tell you right now, you don't realize how much time you're wasting till you see it. Ooh, you've been scrolling TikTok for three hours. You could have accomplished so many things in that three hours. You could have done a laundry, done a load of laundry, watched three episodes of a TV show, cook dinner at the same time, and clean. But no, you've been sitting down scrolling on TikTok or Facebook or Instagram reels. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you can't have time to do that, but are you really putting in that energy to make stuff get that stuff done? Right? Right. Now I'm gonna switch it up just a little bit. There's something that I learned when I went to church. I am a church galley, I'm in a Christian. Shout out to all the girls that love God. Um I learned that in this generation we do have a lot of FOMO, fear of missing out. You see your friends out, and you didn't get invited, and you're like, oh, I wish I was there. But why is that? Why do we miss being out? Why do you feel like you need to be invited to everything? And now this is something that takes time and healing to really know how to deal with and not have this feeling. And don't get me wrong, just because I'm talking about it doesn't mean I still have those moments. I still have them. But you also have to understand that what are you really missing out on? Because all you're seeing is a two-minute video. How did the rest of that night gone? Because there's been times where my friends are like, let's go out, we're going out, and I'm like, No, I'm okay. And I see that video that they're post, like, oh, I kind of wish I went. They look like they're having so much fun. And then the next time I see them, there's a whole story about how the night went. And I I truly think it's your intuition telling you to take a break, don't go, because maybe you'll be put into a situation that you shouldn't be in. So that right there can be a different feeling of like, ooh, good thing I didn't go. But why does it take for something bad to happen for you to be okay with missing out? And in one of my um services I went to at church, he said, let's switch FOMO and let's think of Jomo. And you're like, what the fuck is Jomo? And it's the joy of missing out, being happy with not going to everything, not having to worry about, oh, I wish I would have gone, and like they're having so much fun, or oh, this happened and I missed out on an experiment, experience. Girl, you need some rest, sit your ass down, go home. Like, it's okay. And learning to that joy of missing out. Like, uh, I'm glad I didn't go out because you know what? I got me time. With that me time, I took a full body shower. I did an everything shower. I did my full 10-step um facial routine. I have a face mask on. I'm in my new clean, comfy PJs, and I'm about to watch an episode of Love Island USA. Ladies and gentlemen, it's back on. You know I love me some drama. I don't like being in it, but I love it. Watching it and hearing about it. I don't want to be in it. Ain't nobody got time for that. But I'm not trying to get copyrighted. I have no rights to Love Island. I just love the show. Um, but it's just having that time of by yourself and being cozy up in your home. And then also, like, if you rent or own a home, girl, enjoy that rent. Enjoy what you're spending so much money on. That's that's the that's had to slap the table on that one. That's the thing. Enjoy what we work so hard to have. Enjoy that apartment, enjoy that house, enjoy that car, enjoy just being in your bed, comfy, cozy, and your new comforters, and then just enjoying your time. Enjoy missing out. Let's switch FOMO to Joe Jomo. And I don't take any credit for that. Shout out to um my pastor Todd. He's amazing. He really made me switch my dynamic when it comes to things like that. And it's also something that you'll learn when you get older, and you might also be learning right now that like I don't need to go at everything. But when I do go, I'm gonna have a good time. When you do go, you'll have a good time, and that's what you want. That's what you want. So let's go over what I just said. Let's stop taking highlights, reels from TikTok, and focusing on reality, rebuilding your focus on your own life. Stop comparing confidence to a comparison. Take a social media detox when you need time to just be with yourself and stop having a fear of missing out, but enjoy missing out. And that brings us to our big sister rule number five. Drum roll, please log off. Comparison is a scam. It is a scam. I want you to say that to yourself right now. Log off. Comparison is a scam. You can go your whole life comparing yourself to a sibling, a friend, a coworker, a famous person, someone else, and you will never be fulfilled in your life because you need to look yourself in the mirror and be proud of what you see. And if you're not proud of what you see, then you work to be proud of what you see, ladies and gentlemen. No one can tell you how to be you. Only you can tell you how to be you. So stop comparing yourself to everything around you. And if you don't like the situation you're in, how you feel in your skin, then motivate yourself to be the person you want to be. And I'm not saying it's gonna change overnight, it's going to take some hard work. You work hard at a job, work hard on yourself, whether that be physically, emotionally, mentally, give yourself all of your energy so that you can be that ideal person that you're wanting to be. And I hope you guys were able to take something from this episode today, whether it be the rule of the day or just something that I've brought up, I'm not here to tell you how to live your life, but I hope that me explaining things that I've gone through in my personal life or the advice I can give and be your virtual big sister, that it helps you in some type of way. And if you guys ever want to DM me about topics you want to talk about, if you want me to do a QA, I am so down for it. I am open to it. You know where to reach me. I'm on all platforms: Instagram, YouTube. I'm not really on Facebook. I'm gonna try to get better on Facebook. Facebook is hard to get into, but you can find me on Apple Music, Spotify, all of the podcast access points are all in one place. But to end you on a good note, if no one hasn't told you today, I'm proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself too. All right, that's it for today's trip through the chaos corner, where we last spiral and somehow figure it out, anyways. If you made it this far, you're officially part of the chaos. So don't forget to follow and come back next time. Because let's be honest, the chaos isn't going anywhere until then. Stay a little chaotic.