The Friendship Framework Pt 2

Episode 2: The Friendship Framework – Part 2

Welcome back to Six Voices, One Story.

In this continued conversation, six women, Dee, Shaneena, Stephanie, Rhonda, Theresa, and Bisea, go deeper into the heart of what has sustained their 25-year friendship.

Hosted by Shaneena, this episode builds on the foundation laid in Part 1, as the women reflect on the internal growth, faith, and personal transformation required to maintain lasting, meaningful relationships.

Through honest conversation and heartfelt reflection, they expand on their “Friendship Framework”, focusing not just on what holds them together, but what had to change within each of them to grow together in a healthy, God-centered way.

This is Part 2 of a deeper conversation about endurance, accountability, and allowing God to shape who you are within your friendships.

In this episode:

• What helps friendships endure through different seasons
• The personal changes God required for growth
• How faith shaped their responses to one another
• The role of grace, accountability, and spiritual maturity

Reflection Question:
1.Have you ever had to choose humility to sustain a friendship?

2.What's one boundary that actually strengthened a friendship instead of breaking it?

Subscribe to Six Voices, One Story and join us as we continue this journey together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Welcome back to Six Voices, One Story. I'm Shanina and we're so glad you're here. We've been walking together for 25 years through changes, growth, and seasons we never expected. So, friends, please introduce yourself and fill in the blank I feel most connected to my friends when. And we'll start with Dee.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Hello. My name is Dee. I'm one of the youngest members of the group. And that's a position I cherish. It keeps me youthful, helps me to connect with the millennial audience that's listening now. To answer your question, Shanina, I feel most connected to my sisters when they cook. So I want that to resonate because I haven't got a lot of food lately. And monkey bread. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 1:10

Oh Shanina, I'm sorry you ain't got your monkey bread. I rolled past your house. You ain't answered the door. So I just ate it the next day.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

Okay, that's let's continue.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

So Stephanie, I feel most connected to my friends when So I'm Stephanie, and I feel most connected to my friends when we are simply being and have no agenda. Sometimes life gets so busy, and I just want to not be in a box. I want to not have a schedule. And in these times, I feel like I can get most become most aware of what's actually going on in the day-to-day life of each one of you.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Love that. Love that. Teresa.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Hi, I'm Teresa. And like Stephanie, I kind of like when we're just being also like we occupy the same space at the same time and we're just flowing organically. You know, that those are the moments that I enjoy when we're being silly, where we can be serious. And I love it when it's once in one space where all those things we're serious, we're talking about the Lord, we're talking about politics, we're cracking each other up, we're correcting how we pronounce words and correctly like those moments where we're just simply being who we are.

SPEAKER_04 2:23

Well, this is by CEA, and almost never in the political conversation, but I'm okay with it. For me, I feel most connected. It's not when we're all just doing nothing. I like planned activities, but I'm not gonna go in that direction. I feel most connected when we're helping one another or when they're helping me. So those are my love languages. So either way, I feel most connected when attention is on me, or when the other one is getting attention, I feel I feel good as well.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

To thine own self be true. Yes.

SPEAKER_06 3:03

And this is Rhonda. You can tell we've been together for 25 years because truly I feel most connected when we share laughter, and that when we are fully present with each other. So when we are in that room and we have good food, like my sister Day said, and we have just sitting around the table, because most of the time we're sitting around the table and just discussing all types of topics. But we've eaten though. Yes. But when we are laughing, that's when I feel most connected to my sisters.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Definitely. That was good, Rhonda. And for me, again, I'm Shanina. I feel most connected when we go on vacation together. You know, we're spending that whole 24 hours, and you know, we're just having a great time and you know, talking and you know, just learning something new, whether it's through a tour or just laying on the beach. They they do six hours, I do two hours, and I go back to the hotel, but I'm okay with that. But yes, I I enjoyed those moments. All right, thank you everyone. Such great input. So, whoo, y'all ready? All right, so we often talk about romantic relationships having seasons, honeymoon phases, storms, growth. But what about friendships? Well, you know, they have seasons too. There's spring where everything is exciting and new, the summer when you're inseparable, the fall, when things start shifting, and sometimes the winter, distance, silence, growth, and being apart. But here's the question: what makes a friendship endure beyond the seasons? Is it history, loyalty, effort, grace, or simply choosing each other again and again? So let's just talk about it. Stephanie, yeah, what do you believe help friendships endure?

SPEAKER_03 5:02

I like grace and choosing each other over and over again because it's, you know, I mean, like you said, seasons happen and things happen in life, and we're, as Rhonda has said in the past, we are not the same how we were five years ago, 10 years ago, 25 years ago. And so to come in with clarity that people are going to grow. There are going to be highs and lows, there's going to be dips and valleys and mountaintops, and to be honest about that with yourself and making sure that that is part of the framework within the friendship and to not be scared of those moments, but to trust the friendship and to trust the person's heart and vice versa, that they would trust your heart. That's good.

SPEAKER_02 5:48

That's good. You know, especially about the trust part, because you know, when you are going through those difficult times in your life, and it could be whether it's a romantic relationship, platonic relationship, or even your your family, you know, just having that trust to know, like, you know what, it's gonna be okay. My friend will still be there. That was good. Thank you, Stephanie. What about you, Rhonda?

SPEAKER_06 6:11

For me, it's consistent effort. I need consistency in my life, and you ladies are consistent. We, I remember in the beginning, we would meet what, every three months. We made it a point to meet every three months, right? Somebody's birthday. We celebrated birthdays. Obviously, as life went on, we realized hey, we're not going anywhere. So we kind of pulled back. But there was that constant. There was Damika was constant, Bascia was your faces were constant. And so that was important to me, and that is important for relationships and friendships to endure.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

Yes, our star event definitely helped us to endure our friendships through and through. Thank you, Rhonda.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

I think the other thing that has helped this friendship, but I think all friendships endure is allowing room for the seasons. Right? Allowing a person to go through their season, but at the same time reaching out and saying, We're here. You know, there are moments when I need I think I need anyway. I may be lying to myself. Like I need to be alone. And then someone will say, Has anybody heard from Teresa? Has anyone talked to Teresa? Let me just pick up the phone and call her. And it's not forcing your way into my season, but saying, I'm here if you need that support during this season. And and I and I love that about us, and I think that's why friendships can endure, it's because you allow space. Because in that season, there's also growth as well. So we're allowing room for growth.

SPEAKER_04 7:48

I believe that things that help friendships endure when you spend time together and you develop and you discover similarities, and the connections is built even stronger, and then you have opportunities to show up for one another as life changes and ups and downs that Stephanie talked about. You have opportunity after opportunity to show up for each other, and then trust starts to develop, and commitments are made, then you work through issues that come up, and you just have a real intentionality about it, about keeping that connection and showing up and also holding each other accountable.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

So that's what I believe. I love that word intentional. That's one of my words for the year. Thank you, Basia. All right, D, you're up. I am.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

So to answer your question, I really think, you know, I I I believe that, you know, you can really, I want to say Christ, you know, because he makes the difference in everything. Also to the extent that, you know, just praying for each sister differently. You know, sometimes I can say, oh, well, you know, if I do, you know, this for Shanina or if I do that for Teresa, but really saying, Lord, what is it that you would have me to do for them? And I think that having to focus on him, because he loves my sisters more than I do. And I think that helps to endure because sometimes it's not doing, sometimes it's just praying differently, or, you know, seeing, you know, doing something that I wouldn't do, but Christ is leading me to do, you know, something else, whether that's, you know, calling or, you know, picking up something, or, you know, just praying differently than I would maybe even if I was talking to them, you know, like, okay, well, this is what they're saying, but as I pray, you know, God is putting something on my heart. I want to pray this way for them and seeing the results of that.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

Amen. Because you know, Christy is the center. Oh, yes. Praise the Lord, thank you. You know, friendships, you know, they aren't static. You know, they stretch when we grow, they get tested by distance, life changes, marriage, careers, mental health, relocation. Okay, Rhonda. I think endurance in friendship isn't about talking every day, it's about emotional safety. It's about knowing that even after silence, there's still love. In Proverbs 1824, it talks about a friend who sticks closer than a brother. So even though we may not be blood related, we are so bonded together that nothing can separate what God has joined. This is good, friends. Come on, let's just keep going. All right. So, question What did God how has God changed you during your friendship seasons? And I'll and I'll start first. For me, I realize that sometimes God changes me through friendship, He exposes my pride, my insecurity, my need for control, and sometimes He teaches me how to love better and not just be loved.

SPEAKER_04 10:58

That was good. Yeah, that was good. How to love better. Something else you said, can you repeat that again? The last two lines?

SPEAKER_02 11:06

Yes. Uh, he exposes my pride, my insecurity, my need for control, and sometimes he teaches me how to love better and not just be loved.

SPEAKER_04 11:14

And not just be loved. I love it, I love it. So for me, the things he he changes in me, just being able to, like I said earlier on our first episode, about maturity. That's the thing that he's changing me. To this friendship has caused me to mature in many, many ways over the the last 25 years. And I being the youngest, think I'm maybe I may have had a little bit more mature and to do. And I embrace that. It's good, it's good to grow up, it's good to learn. I just I just love my sisters and just the different seasons. I think about the seasons over time. I remember I was going to uh going through a particularly rough season, and Shanina has sent. I don't know if she sent everybody one, but I know I got a care package in the mail. I think everybody did get one. Didn't y'all special during the pandemic during the pandemic? You're special. Everybody got a care package, everybody got a package. All are very special. Everybody got a care package, and it just meant so much to me. It just it was so special. It was so special. Oh my god, you know, everybody likes to receive mail, right? And on top of that, Teresa just sent me a uh a card in the mail last week. And it I love words, and so it just was so beautiful to have to have someone know you enough to be able to fill up the whole card with their own words about to encourage you. So it's just these things do like, you know, they just carry you on. And I can't imagine not having these things.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

Well, I just wanna I just want to acknowledge that there's different math done amongst this group. We have two individual ladies who believe that they are the youngest. Bless the Lord. All right, so for me, this is Stephanie, and I God had to change me through showing me my rigidity and my judgment. What's that rigidity? Rigidity. Oh, rigidity, not rigidity. Oh, Jesus. Rigidity.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

I thought that's gonna be. I wasn't saying that what you mean. I was telling them what you need.

unknown 13:00

I heard this stuff.

SPEAKER_03 13:05

Jesus. All right. So I think that I don't think it showed up necessarily amongst these ladies, but I know that I was willing to surrender that because the relationships were so important to me that I did not want it to impact it. So I was aware of those things that, you know, maybe people, as I said, I think earlier in one of the earlier podcasts, that people can think that they know me, but I also, you know, I know me, and I know that judgment and rigidity can oftentimes play in the background of my mind, but I was not willing to allow that to impact the ability to have intimacy and true transparency with these ladies. So I surrendered that to the Lord, and my word for the year is meekness and just working at being softer, gentler, and being a better listener so that I can meet the need of my sisters and certainly my family who I live with.

SPEAKER_04 13:59

But yeah, you did a great job surrendering to rigidity because I would never have used that word for you. Bless the Lord, He's He's He's faithful. So here we go.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

In this group, you you need a dictionary.

SPEAKER_06 14:11

That's okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

These are some great scrabble words. Love it, love it.

SPEAKER_06 14:17

What did God have to change in me to endure?

SPEAKER_02 14:20

This I'm sorry, it's how has God changed you during your friendship seasons?

SPEAKER_06 14:25

So it's forgiveness. We had to help me to see um I need to learn how to forgive. You ladies have taught me how to forgive. Because for me in my past, once you crossed me, it was done. I was done with you. And you would have never known that I dropped you. But I dropped you. But I couldn't drop you, ladies. I might have dropped some of you for a couple minutes, but they but then I had to pick you back up and you had to deal with me. So it was, he had to change and show me that forgiveness was a part of his character. And because I want his character, because I want to display and be an ambassador of that, forgiveness was is what he has to change. And he's still, please know, he's still working on me. Maybe not with y'all as much, but anybody else that might have to be an issue. But yes, forgiveness.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

You know what? That's good, Rhonda. But I don't want the Lord to change you that much because you know it sounds I still need you. Things, you know. So bless God, bless Teresa.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

I'm actually going to steal Stephanie's word, which is rigidity, because I was gonna say he's made me more flexible, which meant that I had to be more, I had to be rigid. And those of you who know me know I can be structured. Yes, yes. So I have a friend who prayed that God make me messy, and I hate her because he's answered and honored her her prayer. Like, y'all know how I feel about timeliness, and especially when it comes to my food, and and God has really dealt with me with that because it could really be a challenging thing in my life. I'm like, are these people gonna be late and my lambs gonna be overdone? Slowly coming, but you know, and those are things that don't matter in in in the course of things and in the course of the relationship, and that rigidness could be internal as well as external at times, and so God has had to teach me that these are people that you love, right? Like if you love them, then you need to be more flexible. And also the one thing that has that I've grown in is understanding heart and the importance of heart. God did this with David, he said he's a man after his own heart, even though David was extremely flawed. And I'm not looking for perfection in my friends, I'm looking for heart, right? Like I know every single one of your hearts toward me, and so it's almost impossible to offend me without you saying, Teresa, I'm really trying to offend you. Right? You know, that's good, that's good.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

All right, D. Yes. How has God changed you during your friendship?

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Well, I keep reading, you know, thinking about the question over and over again. But I think that for me, the what's sticking out is that what is God changing in me? And years ago, we had a session on um, I know everybody knows about this jihari window. And even though I thought that I was very open, um, other people that's sitting on the sofa didn't think so. And so transparency, I think, is what God is changing to me. It's very hard for me to open up. I love when other people open up. So, but but it's very hard, it's it's difficult at times for me to open up. So he's changing to let me know that sharing openly is okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

That's really good. That's growth. I'm telling you. Yeah, because we get uh something else aside from all as well.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Hallelujah.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

Come on, hey, come on, hallelujah. All right, thank you all for shit. The next question we have is how did faith shape your response to the season? How has faith shaped it?

SPEAKER_06 18:28

No, I'm just gonna the scripture, the scripture that's in Luke 6.31, we talked about what did he have to do in me, right? And so that faith and knowing that what he was doing, because he who has begun a good work shall complete it. So I knew that he was helping me with trust. I knew he was helping me with forgiveness. So that Luke 631 that says, Do do to others as you would have them do to you or do towards you, right? Well, yeah, I know I wanted you to forgive me when I knew I I crossed the line, right? I know I how trust, how much I want you to trust me, even though I haven't given you a reason to trust me, but I know how important it is to me, right? So I I needed that. That scripture helps me with my faith in the changing that I have to go through.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

That's good, that's good.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

For me, I'm looking at Matthew 7, 12, and it says, Therefore, all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do you even so to them. For this is the law and the prophets. So for me, it is faith in God's word and trusting his heart towards me, so that I can be vulnerable with uh his children, right? Because I know that you all are his children. And um sometimes, you know, we all may, you know, be be blinded or not see things straight, how God has created, but I I trust that if I walk out love and not rely on my own feelings, fondness, you know, things because things have changed, um, friendship can prevail.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

That's good. I know for me, I think about I mean the scripture it talks about you know being a new creature in Christ, and you know, so I'm constantly the Lord is constantly stripping, you know, Shanina, you know, and constantly shaping, you know, correcting me, you know, through love and accountability, you know. So for all my seasons, actually, I just think about Lord, you are renewing my mind, you're renewing my heart, you know, not only to just be more like you, but also to shine the light that he has had in me to the to light to those in others, you know, so that they may draw close to Christ. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

And for me, it's Romans chapter 12, all of it, like every single bit of it, you know, it's my bathroom scripture, is Romans 12, 1 and 2. And as my mind is being renewed, as my mind is being renewed, it because my my ultimate goal is to be as much like Christ as I possibly can be. And my other thing is I always want to be an instrument of Abba's glory in this realm. I want people to be able to see him when they see me in every relationship that I have in my life, and so that has changed me significantly. Because it's in Romans 12 where he really talks about preferring others over yourself. And so when I'm processing things, when I look at my friends, when I look at you, I I can't think about me, right? Like I have to say, how will how can I make Shanina feel better? It may be what I and not look at well the way I would feel better as Teresa would be you baked me a cake, but that may not be what you need, it's about perspective and What's important to you. So stepping outside of myself means I prefer Shanina over me. You know, like I'll give this last piece of cake to Shanina because I know she likes that cake, you know, or I'll give you the last chicken wing, you know. Or Shanina may want me to come to her house instead of her coming to my house because she wants to be close to home. It's something small, but those, you know, we consider those things sacrifices. Those really aren't sacrifices. It's just simply preferring you over me. So Romans 12 is really that thing where I continue to grow in. I'm not perfect. Um, I don't think I'm gonna realize it in this life. Thank God for Jesus. Thank God.

SPEAKER_04 22:38

That's good, Teresa. The whole art of preferring your brother before you is like, like you said, a whole lifetime worth of work. But for me, it's the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit, He we're on each, we are on his mind, we are on God's mind. And so if we connect with the Holy Spirit and in my own life, I try to connect with the Holy Spirit, and he leads and guides me. So that's how my faith is impacted. He leads and guides me on, oh, you shouldn't say that to the Mika. You shouldn't say that way. Oh, you should call Teresa back and or you should go do this, or you should do this, or you should do that. So I try to be led by the Spirit so that my friendships can stay whole. So that's my answer.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

That's good. That's good. All right, bring it along. Well, you know, this is waiting for me to listen. Yeah, this is a weighted question, I would have to say. But you know, I have faith in so many different things, but I have faith that you know, more cake is coming, more chicken is coming, more biscuits are coming. So, in saying that, food makes everything better. Amen.

unknown 23:54

Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

Amen, amen.

SPEAKER_06 23:59

I just have I just go ahead. I was just gonna kind of piggyback on what Teresa and Basia were saying that it is the preferring, you know. I didn't use that word whenever I would do it, but I would say to myself, um, let's say if I only had five dollars in my pocket, but Stephanie to make somebody call and say, you know, I really could use a cup of coffee, but I'm just gonna use that five dollars to get me some deodorant. I know I need it, but again, I want to do for you before I do for myself. And that is exactly what you ladies were saying. It's like preferring the other, but I never used the word preferring. I was like, I do for them before I do for myself. And that's how I know I loved. That was my barometer. I use that. But hey, my my deodorant costs like over five dollars, but yeah, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Well, really, do it. Well, maybe we can get a sponsor for your deodorant.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

So what we have come to conclude is that seasons are inevitable. But what actually keeps friendships alive? So, of course, keeping God as our center, amen. Having the Holy Spirit guide us, amen. I also believe that there are four things it's grace, honest conversations, emotional maturity, and being intentional. Because we will misunderstand each other, we will disappoint each other, and we will change. But let's just think about this friendship survives when ego dies. I like that. I love that. Oh, I gotta say that again. Friendship survives when ego dies. I like that. Come on, somebody. Yes. So, I have a question for those who are listening, and also for ourselves. Have you ever had to choose humility to save a friendship? And also, what's one boundary that actually strengthened a friendship instead of breaking it? And I encourage you all just to think about that and write it down as my dear sister had talked about in the journal. So, write it down for the journal this week. Have you ever had to choose humility to save a friendship? Or what's one boundary that actually strengthened a friendship instead of breaking it?

SPEAKER_04 26:34

Okay. I'll answer that question.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

Sure, go ahead, you answer it.

SPEAKER_04 26:38

So a boundary I had to pick and had I has have I ever had to choose humility?

SPEAKER_02 26:47

Have you ever had to choose humility to save a friendship?

SPEAKER_04 26:49

I don't know about saving a friendship, but I've had to choose humility a plethora of times. Any relationship you have for it to thrive, I think humility is an essential component of it. It may not always look like I'm choosing humility, but I do. I do choose humility often where I say, I just swallow well, uh huh, the swallow your pride, I call it swallow your pride, it's okay. Just just type okay. Type okay. Don't no erase that and put okay. Okay. So that's an essential part, humility, yes.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

And a boundary that I've had to choose to What's one boundary that actually strengthen a friendship instead of breaking it? A boundary that strengthened a friendship instead of breaking it.

SPEAKER_04 27:42

I don't know if I can answer that question because I'm not really a good boundary maker. A good a boundary that strengthened a friendship, a boundary. I don't know. I guess I have to listen to everybody else's and see if I come up with one.

SPEAKER_02 27:55

Well, that's great. So as she's thinking about it, you know, we'll have it on our social media and maybe someone else can talk about it. Amen. So let's see here. Stephanie, can you close us out in prayer and encourage the audience on heck keeping God centered through their lives, friendship seasons, through different friendship seasons?

SPEAKER_03 28:14

Amen. Father, we just thank you. We thank you that you you are God and that you have chosen us to be your daughters and your sons. Lord, we come to you boldly and humbly, God, asking that you would purify us. Help us, oh Lord, to see things how you have set them, giving us faith in you, Lord, that you would protect us as we move forward in learning how to navigate friendship, how to surrender, how to just be vulnerable to those peoples, just inch by inch, Lord, as we begin to develop new and deeper and richer relationships. Lord, I ask that you would touch each listener's heart and mind, that they would grow first in you, Lord, that they would understand more and more about who you are and who they are in you, that you would be the center of their lives and that you would be glorified in all things that they do, and that they say, and end their newfound friendships. We give you all the glory and the honor. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 29:15

Amen. Amen. So thanks for listening to Six Voices, One Story. If you would like to continue this journey with us, subscribe and walk with us through the next conversations. Join us next time for episode three.