Unhook from the Hustle

Unhook from the Hustle

In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to believe that doing more, achieving more, and being more is the path to success. But what if the constant hustle is actually increasing your stress and pulling you away from what matters most? Think of this statement: If I am what I do, when I don't I'm not. 

In this episode of ABCs for Leadership & Life, Lauren and Jenn explore how the drive for achievement, recognition, and control can quietly become a source of anxiety, burnout, and dissatisfaction. You'll learn practical strategies to recognize the habits and beliefs that keep you stuck in the hustle and discover how to reconnect with your values, purpose, and inner peace.

Whether you're leading a team, building a career, or simply trying to create a healthier, more balanced life, this episode will help you:

• Recognize the hidden stressors behind the hustle mindset.
• Identify what's driving your need to keep striving.
• Shift from reacting to responding with greater emotional intelligence.
• Lead and live with more clarity, resilience, and purpose.

If you're ready to stop letting stress run your life and start leading from a place of confidence and balance, this episode is for you. 

Resource Referenced: 99 Things You Want to Know Before Stressing Out! By Lauren E Miller

Thank you for joining our podcast ABCs for Leadership & Life.

If today’s episode challenged your thinking or gave you a new perspective, don’t keep it to yourself—share it with someone who needs it.

Remember, leadership starts from within. When you become the boss of your thoughts and intentional in how you show up, everything begins to change.

For more tools, resources, and ways to grow, visit us at: https://chloupekconsultingservices.com and https://LaurenEMiller.Com 

And if you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe and leave a review—it helps us reach and impact more leaders just like you.

Until next time…love first, then lead. 

Jenn and Lauren

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome back to another ABC's for Leadership in Life podcast. We are so grateful you're pushing the pause button to join us. This is where we help you and ourselves, by the way. Can't give out what you're not mastering within to grow in leadership, strengthen your mindset, and ultimately to become your best self. Hmm, that sounds good to me from the inside out. In each episode, we explore practical tools and powerful conversations rooted in awareness, behavior, connections, A, B, C. And these three drivers are uh meaningful and lasting because they provide transformation of the mind, leadership, and the soul. Whether you're leading a team, growing your influence, or simply committed to your personal development, this podcast is designed to equip you with strategies you can apply right away. Here is where we integrate proven coaching principles with real life application to help you lead and live with clarity, communicate with purpose, and create impact in every area of your life. So let's jump in. I'm Lauren Miller and I'm with Jen Klopek, my cloak, my co-host today. And we're just going to riff on another topic. And this is a topic we actually were riffing about a couple days ago. And I actually woke up thinking about this, and it's called Unhook from the Hustle, right? So last podcast it was Stress Less and Live More. Today's podcast is Unhook from the Hustle. By the way, hustle is linked to stress, and it's also linked to overwhelm. So we're going to unpack how the heck do we unhook from the hustle? What is the hustle? And am I hooked? So those are a couple of questions you can think about. As with all of our podcasts, we ask that you think of one thing that you want to transfer into behavior that will move you in a positive direction in life. That's it. That's your filter for today's podcast. Think of one thing. Just be aware of your one thing that you know that if you apply it to your behavior, it will move you in a positive direction in life. So, Jen, this is a topic we were talking about the other day. And, you know, I for listeners that have been listening, you know, I was diagnosed with advanced cancer in 2006. I almost drove myself into the grave, my friend. And um, and here I am. Uh and I'm I'm constantly course correcting by being aware of what it is that I get hooked to, right? And I I would ask listeners to think about that, even if you pause this for a moment and just ask yourself the coaching question what am I hooked on that is causing me to stay in this ferocious pace of life that has negative ramifications. We're going to refer to it as the hustle, right? And we get hijacked by it. We have the best intentions, um, and yet we constantly say yes and we do over care behavior, disease to please, drug of approval, the fame game, uh, all of which rob us of that sense of being off the stage and the observer of life versus the reactor of life, right, Jen? So we're constantly course correcting ourselves in this area.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

100%. And I think that's the the A part. I know this is the ABCs for leadership in life. And so even you having that awareness, Lauren, like, hey, this was a behavior that warped up until this point. And then I got advanced cancer. And maybe some of the hustle under the stress isn't isn't serving my body. And so I think that's a great question. That awareness question I would even ask listeners to think of is what is hustle really telling me right now? What is it telling me about my life? And before Lauren and I jumped on this podcast, I said, hey, Lauren, I think our next podcast should be a little bit around how we identify our internal driver. Because for me, Lauren, what I know about myself is the hustle is an ex uh result of what my internal driver is, which is to prove my worth. Yes. And you're gonna get it. And so what do you think when I say that? Like, what does that bring? We I know you were getting busy, you were getting ready to spend your summers um on the East Coast. And I know you had a busy, super stressful week prior to all of that. And so, how did that play into you going for it? Or how did that link to your internal driver?

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Yeah, you know, and and I appreciate your bringing that up, my friend, because it is to go for it. And my internal driver almost drove me into the grave back in 2006 when I was diagnosed with advanced cancer. I mean, I didn't drink, smoke, um, worked out, ate healthy, and yet I was dying. So, what's up with that, right? And so the more we know about stress on the body, about um, there was actually a 20-year landmark study out of the University of London that concluded that stress is more of a contributing factor to cancer and heart disease than cigarette smoking and high cholesterol foods. And so, stress, uh 97% of all doctor visits are are stress-induced, right? And stress is a ramification of getting hijacked or hooked to the hustle. I want to peel it back a little bit though, because I was thinking about this during my crazy hustle week, Jen, before leaving. Um what's really going on underneath is is we have this list of requirements for ourselves that as long as I do this, this, this, and this, then I will feel successful enough. Um, like I am going for it, like I am uh crushing it. That's another friend of ours, why it matters, main driver.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Or proving my worth you know, when you're saying that, Lauren, I'm thinking that's me. If I do this thing on my checklist, then proving my worth of myself. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Then I can sleep well at night. And so during that week, I was just aware of my body and and really that's oftentimes you'll see the ramifications of the hustle being hooked to the hustle and also to unhealthy behavior that doesn't align with what you value most. And I do want to bring that in because many times our behavior gets hijacked by the shiny objects, right? Social media. Um, I I've I have to mention the one study that said the younger generation, their main desire was to be an influencer or or famous. And that used to not be the case 20 years ago. And so we're getting more aware of what do people think of me? And Jen, we had this conversation too. Um be, I don't know, like last week we were talking about you had an event, right? And um, it's really easy to get hijacked by um numbers, right? How many people? And that's part of the hustle. It's like, how many people can I hustle into this room? You know, how many people can I hustle to, you know, accomplish this or do this? And and that is all just swimming upstream. As you know, I just went to Niagara Falls and I literally started crying when I was on the boat. I underneath the on the mate of the mist. I with the power of the the the falls and the wind coming from the water, hitting the ground, and just all of it. I just was I was like, God is God and I am not. I mean, clearly. And and what happens in the hustle, it's really kind of like the golden calf situation. For those of you that aren't familiar with the golden calf, it's it's a it's a famous biblical story that happened when Moses went up to get the Ten Commandments, came down, and the people basically abandoned their relationship with God and made their own God, right? They made a golden calf and started worshiping the golden calf. The hustle is is a is a modern day version of the golden calf. It's like, what is your golden calf? What is it that you are uh craving, uh lusting after? The pride is guiding you to, that is is distorting your sense of worth, value, and capability that is really an inside job. We make it an outside job, and that's what started to happen the week before I left, Jen. I started like checking things off and like, oh my gosh, I didn't get this done. And I said, Hold up, pause, take a deep breath, get off the stage, and what is how can you how can you simplify? How can you simplify less is more, right? And so I packed like half the stuff I usually bring. I mean, less is more, and and I asked listeners to think about that today. How can you simplify your life, right? So there's not so many uh demands for your time, attention, and focus. What can you do to simplify your life and to unhook from all those things that you've created as a safety net that you think you need in order to feel that you are enough or uh recognized or um that you're successful or safe? It's all safety and connection that creates meaning and significance, right? Maslow's hierarchy of needs. But Jen, we were talking about this too. The hustle can come in different forms for different people.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

100%. And it can come like the behaviors that are exhibited from it might look different. Like for you, it might be, oh my gosh, overwhelmed, and what am I gonna pack? And I'm going here, and things like that. And I heard you say, hey, for you, it's simplification. You know, when hustle comes in and hurry and um all the things, it's like, hey, let's simplify right now. What is it? What's high priority? What's our best yes right now? I'm to remind myself and listener, this for me works well, is thinking of God, all of this. What is my best yes? What is my best use of time? For me, what it looks like too is I start spiraling out and thinking things take a lot longer than they actually do. And again, another tip or strategy would be for listeners when you feel like you've got a lot on your plate, actually do a little audit. Really, how long did that task take you to do? What did you, how long did you think it was going to take you to do? And how long did it actually take you to do? And nine times out of 10, it's usually a shorter amount of time. And I'm like, okay. But what it could look like too is, you know, if someone's hustling and we both are married, and so sometimes that could look like if a spouse were to walk, work, walk in, maybe we would interrupt them in their speech because we were too hurried with our schedule. It could look like overcommitment. And that's what it looks like for me is usually I overcommit to something. In the moment, it sounds like a good yes. In the long term, it may not be my best yes. And I just received, I'm I'm taking a class right now as I always am into professional development. And some listeners, and I'll give her a little shout-out, Tuscan Renam back in the back in the day, was the founder of the Eat Clean diet, and I'm one of her students in her transform class. And she's on break right now. She usually has an eat clean seminar that she will do, and she sent out an email, and I think it's just so apropos to what we're talking about right now, um, in that she said, rest is not a reward, it's part of the process. And so when we're hurrying and hustling, sometimes we're not resting. She says, we can't run full speed all air and expect our body and mind to keep responding the way we want them to. So if you're feeling the invitation to slow down, even slightly, listen to it. And she sent out a beautiful quote, and I'm gonna butcher the person's name, but it's tit, not Tom. And it says, and Lauren, I know you're big into this as well. I'm just a student and learning this, but I know you mention a lot of times, like get off the stage and you know, really observe yourself and see what's going on. But this particular quote says, feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor. And I let that drop. A lot of times when I'm hustling, I'm not breathing. And I love that reminder that when things are going like clouds, feelings, emotions, that top tapping into your breathing. And you can tell us all the signs behind it, Lauren, because I don't know, but I think it oxenages, whatever that word to prefrontal cortex and helps you think with your big brain and not your little brain, your hijack brain.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

So absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, and it's actually the exhale. We talked about that in our previous podcast, stress less and live more, the importance of activating the parasympathetic nervous system or reactivating it, uh, so that the body can return to that place of of growth and and um really inner peace. That's where you experience that sense of relief. And so focus more on the exhale, about twice as long as the inhale to get the maximum benefit of that. Choose something physical, though, my friend, to be able to master the hustle, right? To unhook from those things that are creating the hustle, because the body is very physical, stress is physical. So, as we talked about in last podcast, we must choose something physical to to remedy it. Right. And uh breathing is definitely one of them. We talked about shaking therapy from last time as well. The hustle, too, is such a mental game. And so when we think about the mind, um, you can even ask yourself a coaching question, what am I hooked to here? Because that that will reveal an attachment. We did a podcast on attachments. So what are you hooked to that is creating that sense of uh spinning, right? Urge to grasp, to hold on to, to accomplish, and uh oftentimes bumping you out of uh what is truly important. And it and it also when you're when you're hijacked by the hustle, I mean, the science continually reveals that you will um have a compromised ability to make good decisions. It also reduces creativity and leads to frustration and exhaustion. And so to live on purpose means that you are the watcher of what you're hooked to. And the cool thing is, is you're the one that created the hook. You can unhook yourself simply by changing the meaning. And that's really what we talk about in neurolinguistic programming is basically changing, being aware of the pattern and offering pieces of information that contradict an impoverished view of reality. Well, I have to get this done, I have to stay up till midnight to get this done, or what? Or I won't get this, you know, across the line and then I won't be recognized for my efforts. Is there another way where you can honor yourself and your body and your need for sleep and still get this done? Now, if you're really hijacked, you will say no, there isn't another way. So I'd like to to question or to put forth questioning your presuppositions about life. We we are our driven and very hard-tasked masters of ourselves. I'm amazed working with people at how gracious we are with other people and we don't offer ourselves the same grace, right? Um when you start to dip into the physical ramifications of the hustle, uh and and now being on the other side of advanced cancer, I'm grateful to still be alive to remind you. Stop it. Stop. Right? Do a little snap. Stop, notice, ask what you're hooked to, and pivot. S N A P and even physically snap when you find yourself hijacked. Stop, notice what you're hooked to, the ramifications of that. Ask, is there a lighter way to do this? Is it more simplified? Is there a more simplified way to do this? And then pivot in a way that you can reconnect your behavior to what you value most? If you really want to see what you're you're hooked by, look at your calendar, right? And as you look at your calendar, it will reveal your values. You know, it's easy to say, hey, faith, family, health, relationships are all priorities, but the better question is, does my calendar reflect that? Right? Where we spend our our time and attention reveals what is truly leading our lives. And alignment isn't about achieving perfect balance every day, it's about intentionally returning to what matters, right? Whenever life pulls us off course. And that's really what what happens when you do face your own death. The cool gift about it, really, knowing that you know, not knowing how long you have, and kind of having that wisdom, teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart full of wisdom is that it gives us perspective and it allows us to drop the trinkets. Definition of a trinket is something that really doesn't have much value. But yet we cling to so many trinkets that create the hustle in life. So the invitation is really to take a good hard look at uh what you are giving power to by looking at your calendar and making some course corrections because that's the behavior part of it. Okay, now that I'm aware I'm doing this, the next step is behavior, A, B, behavior, and then connection. And we're talking about connection with yourself here, my friend. Connection with you, yeah. So that you can live another day on earth.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

And I'm thinking too, if when we are in the hustle, think about it. Last time you were hustled, hurried, frantic pace, you're disconnected with your values, like you said, your purpose. When someone enters in the room, are you bringing the best version of yourself when someone asks you a question and you might snap at that person or feel short because you have limited resources that you're drawing from? And really that hustle creates micro disconnections from yourself and from other people as well. And over time, those could be barriers and walls and rocks that you put up between relationships. And hustle usually means your pace has really lost its purpose. You know, what was my purpose of all of this at the time when you were doing this? And I know for me personally, Lauren, it usually means when I'm hustled, I'm moving from one activity or one thing without closing that loop. And that loop might be following up with someone, which then leads to a connection that I'm not engaging in. And that that could be a lack of follow-through as well. And that might damage the relationship, even though I know I'm not damaging that. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Mm-hmm. Absolutely, absolutely. And this is all this all falls in line with you know, come back in the castle, my friend. Pull up the drawbridge, stop letting people and things define your worth value capability. You want to live from the inside out versus the outside in. And the simple purpose purpose of that is self-preservation, right? You can't give out what you haven't mastered within. You want to be a better leader, take care of yourself, honor your sleep, play with your your your kids, show up for your spouse, show up for your friends, right? And so there's different levels of that, but but believe me, I've never met anyone, and and when I was going through cancer over the two-year period of time, I lost eight of my close friends to cancer. It was the craziest experience. But each time on their deathbed, not one of them, not one of them said that they wished that they had accomplished more things or achieved more status, power, position, popularity, none of it. It was all a matter of relationships. How well did I love? How well did I love God? How well did I allow myself to be loved? How well did I love the people around me, right? So take a good hard look at your your calendar. And once you're aware of what hooks you, that's caused you to compromise in your life, it's only then that you can begin to course correct, right? Come back to connection, behavior, and connection. Um and really connect reconnect with what you value most and what's most important in life. I as I often said and continue to say, can you take it with you beyond the pine box? Then why are you giving it so much free rent between your two ears? Why are you giving it so much power to keep you up at night, right? And so we we do that. And so it's really this this podcast is an invitation to take a good hard look at your calendar, be aware of your values, know what your values are, and and really look at what's hooked you and caused you to compromise um the things that are most important to you. I'll often say, and in that book we mentioned last time, 99 things you want to know before stressing out. I have something in there called graveyard wisdom, right? Um it's living life backwards, deathbed wisdom. But it's like if you're stuck on something today, simply take a moment and just ask yourself if I was on my deathbed right now, looking back to this situation, what advice would I want to give to myself? What would I want to remind myself of? And watch what comes up. It's amazing how much wisdom our soul has, right? It's interesting, but yet the hustle of the body is always hijacking it.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Yeah, and it's interesting, Lauren, that you're saying that because I know people will keep gratitude journals. And I just another coach we both know, Brian McConnell, Lauren. We had a conversation a while ago, and he said, Jen, I've really been keeping, I know it's gonna sound morbid, but a death journal.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

And I just write down these things.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

And I I met another gentleman, I don't know where this was. He was a university professor and he had the pine box in his office, Lauren. And the pine box had the pine, he had his pine box, Lauren, not just the pine box, he had the pine box in his office, yes. That is freaking epic from the center to remind himself of the all the things we've been talking about, excuse me, and that when we get to that point, you know, we may not have the pine box in our in our office space, but we might have that journal and do the things that you said.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Yeah, absolutely. Live life backwards, my friend. Um, I'll tell you, cancer is a gift and ugly wrapping paper because it it really gives you the opportunity. I would not want anyone going through that. It was definitely a job for Jesus, no doubt, getting through that. And the gift of it was remembering what I truly value most. And so priorities, decisions are very easy when priorities are clear. And if you're stressed out, there's a chance, a slight chance, if not bigger, that your priorities are not aligned with what you value most. And so this is a gift stop for you. You know, if you had six months left to live, would you be spending your time doing what you're doing, right? What adjustments uh are possible for you to make, even if it's one, right? One one thing. All right, so we're gonna bring it to a close today. Think of your one thing, your one takeaway. Write it down, put it on a sticky note, and transfer it into behavior, my friend. Thank you for pushing that pause button to join us today on ABCs for leadership and life. Thank you, Jen. And onward we go.