Flat Tummies & Big Dummies.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:04

This is the Ryan Lulf show.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

There's a massive connection between like our physical health and mental clarity and the way you're showing up in your relationships. We agree with that. It really is. But we attack it so much more from like shame and guilt. And it's like, can we stop doing that? Fuck.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Like, when are we gonna finally go? That isn't working. Yeah. How about we look at it more of like, hey, we're powerful beings. What would happen if we learned and got educated and then implemented and then this happened?

SPEAKER_03 0:46

Well, you know, I mean, it's it, you know, obviously as we get older, and Chaz, are you good by the way, just FYI? I know you've gotten really good at just going, but oh yeah, I'm I'm rolling. Yeah. God, God, I love this guy. Yeah, that's good. He's good. He's good. I didn't want to, I didn't want to give up too much of the good stuff though, just in case. But you know, okay, so here's the deal. So I turn like I don't know, it must have been like 38, 39. I'm roughing soccer. I'm naturally somewhat lean, but I cannot get rid of like that that inch of just bottom of the belly fat. Fair enough. You know, I'm I miss that time whenever, like, you know, when you're younger, when it's just all flat, you know, all the way through. I'm there right now. I'm there right now. Yeah. So, okay, so you're enjoying the fruit of your labor, so to speak. 45, three months in. Why? Why is it so hard to get flat there? Is it the sugar? It has to be.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Is it the bread? Well, well, it and and I'm not gonna sit here and act like I'm an expert, okay? But I've been learning about, and I might mess this up, okay? But you we all need to study insulin. We need to understand the insulin spikes and then how that translates to fat. I I know that much. Can I exactly so listening right now? Can I like so break it down? I'm gonna attempt, but basically, like whether you're eating just processed sugar, straight sugar, or you're eating a carbohydrate that then turns into sugar, I believe the way it works is like, you know, it it turns into glucose and the glucose turns into insulin. Something to that effect.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Um, but just the more and more I'm I'm reading, the more and more I'm getting educated. And there is a lady that I am really enjoying her content on social media. And one of the reasons I like her is because she's in her 40s. She she tells you, hey, I've pretty much tried everything out there. Like I've been a raw vegan, I've been in on plant-based, I've been keto, I've been this, I've been that, I've been whatever, right? You know what I mean? So you feel like she has this body of work where she's really explored in her own life experience, like for long periods of time. Most of the time she was on those diets for years. And she shows like pictures, she was skinny fat. She could not get rid of, in her case, she couldn't get rid of the cellulite like along her, you know, and she was like working out. She was doing like the 75 hard. I mean, she was killing herself, right? And then she started studying insulin, and it caused her to believe that she needed to eat carnivore and cut out all the carbs and all the sugar. Because the insulin doesn't react off the carnivore diet diet, or well, you just aren't, you're not, you're not, you don't have as much of an insulin spike, and then you don't end up becoming you basically like when you eat too much sugar, you basically become um glucose intolerant. And so then when your glucose glucose, when you can't tolerate enough glucose, then it has something to do with how much insulin you produce, and when that's not functioning correctly the way your body is, it stores it as fat. Yes, that makes sense. And it doesn't always store it externally. It sometimes there's a thing called visceral fat. And again, like I you you know me, like I I I get the gist of it enough to know like it's working for me, but I definitely don't understand it to be able to just sit here and absolutely explain it. But I could definitely point anybody in the direction.

SPEAKER_03 4:15

Did you did you know that you had visceral? Does everybody have visceral fat?

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Well, I think I I think I just assumed I probably did, you know what I mean? Um, like when I started reading about it based on the diet that I used to eat and and things that I was, you know, putting in my body. But let me tell you what I knew for sure I did. I weighed 160 pounds, 158 to 160 pounds. Wow. I go carnivore, right? Like, and I didn't look fat externally, right? Two weeks later, I'm I'm kind of thinking, like, damn, I feel really lean, light, probably airy. Like, I'm thinking, I probably lost a few pounds, right? I get on the scale 143. No shit. I was like, I mean, I was like, I didn't do anything different other than just I absolutely, I mean, cold turkey, I just went steak and eggs. Like, did not for for like twice a day?

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Twice a day, once a day?

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And and I was making sure I was eating plenty. So when I'm really hungry, you know, I'm eating anywhere from four to eight eggs in a in a scenario. And and and and days when I am like hiking or I was playing pickleball, I might eat three steaks. Yeah. And I was like, I'm gonna really give this a shot. I'm thinking it's gonna take months for me to really see something. So I like literally look at the scale. I'm 143 and I'm like, it's working. What the fuck? I had to I had to get on Chat GPT and be like, is this normal? Am I okay? Like, I don't know if I should be that. You know what I mean? And that's when I discovered what visceral fat is and how fast your body will clean that up when you get your insulin correct. Oh gosh, that makes so much sense.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

So this is one thing I've been working on too. Like I've I've been trying to do something not like the keto diet per se, but just like managing insulin better. Like, I'm not diabetic or pre-diabetic, but I'm a bigger guy. I mean, I'm I'm gonna accept that, but I also try to figure out like what's going to help level out those insulin spikes. And I know the way you described is interesting because steak and eggs seems exactly right if you manage it well. I've been doing for the last week and a half a tablespoon or two of peanut butter every single day to start my day and then end my day and all my sugar cravings just gone.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

No way.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

No, I'm kidding. Like almost immediately gone. Like I throughout the day, I think I might be having maybe probably one less meal on average than what I would expect to do.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

And that's a thousand calories. Yeah. Easy. I mean, I'll say this the more and more I learn about everything that eggs provide, especially if you get truly what I call happy eggs. Like, you know, the the the chickens weren't the chickens were happy.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

Happy chickens.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Yeah, like I mean, you could tell by the color. They weren't caged. I mean, just like my my trip over to Ecuador showed me that the the super happy eggs, they look different than regular eggs.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

Wait, hold on a second. And Chaz, I have a question for you for just a second. Are you saying that our chickens in America are depressed?

SPEAKER_01 7:20

I think they might be more than depressed. Oh it might be suicidal.

SPEAKER_03 7:23

So are the eggs suicidal? That's super depressed. Yeah. So so so the egg so the eggs in Ecuador and anywhere else outside of America are what color are they supposed to be? Is it like a gold gold?

SPEAKER_01 7:36

It's like a it's like a a a dark yellow orange, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 7:41

Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

And it's rich looking. Yeah. Like, you know what I'm saying? Um, like I've also been reading about how important it is to have high cholesterol. Yeah. I mean, pretty much like you, you have to just throw out anything you've ever been told. And I really, I really believe this. I really believe this. Like, I don't even, by the way, I have nothing, I have no interest. I mean, eat however you want, do whatever research you have. I mean, you can come tell me I'm this, I'm that. I don't, I don't care. I really don't like.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

What are the benefits of high cholesterol? I've never heard that.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

Yeah, you really need to go into like chat GPT, okay? And just put what are the benefits of high cholesterol? Why should I eat a ton of eggs every day? I mean, there's even a pull it up. Listen, there's a study of like a guy that ate like 725 eggs in a 30-day period and then showed the results of like before and after. It's amazing, man. I mean, like, dude, eggs are what all the different vitamins an egg is an embryo of a chicken. I'm telling you, dude, you gotta you gotta learn and read more about it. You know what I'm saying? And then if you get, and then if you're eating high quality meat, you know, from from happy cows and and happy animals, and and they're not, you know, harmed or or sprayed or or fed the wrong things, you know, like it's just so crazy to me. And again, listen, you know, hey, all I can tell you is I look great, I feel great, the mental clarity that I have, like, and and listen, there's gonna be people out there, I'm sure, that go, oh, I I do something completely different. Hey, whatever you do, if it's working, you feel great. Like, I mean, dude, I am all for it. Like, I just it just doesn't make any sense to me to sit around and like argue. Okay. You know what I found though, that you can pretty much see in almost every diet that anybody who's claiming that it's helped them, you know, look good, be healthy, feel good, and all that. Uh, none of them have processed food as as items that you're supposed to be eating. Right. So can we at least all kind of agree on that? Like, yeah, come on. Okay, you know what I mean? And no diet is suggesting you should be eating a shit ton of things that just turn into sugar. Yeah. No, not nothing is.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

You know what, you know what's I to your point, I think it was four or five years ago was the first time I realized and learned that the cows that they feel that they feed grain to, they feed grain because they blow up and get bigger quicker and they get bigger and they can sell the cow for more. Yeah. Whereas a proper cow or a proper, you know, more healthy style is a grass-fed cow who gets to roam. And I didn't know there was a difference in the cow.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:32

Like, how crazy is that?

SPEAKER_01 10:34

And and and listen, I'll tell you like today we had breakfast at the Big Biscuit. Okay. You know, they have one here in Tulsa. We were traveling back home from Kansas. Uh, we went to the KU Davidson college basketball game last night. It was a lot of fun. My family. Brock chuck. Yep. It was a cool environment, never been before. Um, so thankful. Um, so anyway, it was cool. Davidson has a player that uh named Parker Frederickson. He graduated here from Bixby. We used to go watch him in high school. And so uh we got tickets to his family and uh we just enjoyed it so much. Davidson didn't perform so well, Kansas is much better. It's hard to do that. But just being in that environment, like it's a sellout, there's we were on the absolute highest last row, and it still felt like we were like right on the court. Yeah, like there's no bad seat in the house, you know? And the first five minutes and until it kind of turned into a blowout, it was electric in there. I can't imagine being at a game, you know. But anyway, so we're eating at the Big Biscuit this morning. They happen to have one there in Lawrence, Kansas, which is you know, I'm familiar with because I knew about the one here in Tulsa. And like I I really do for me. This is for me. I love that I don't tell myself like you can't have a biscuit or you can't have pancakes or you can't have a waffle. I just I just don't. And I at first I really thought I would probably at least have like a biscuit. I was gonna get eggs and bacon. I didn't really see a steak option at this place that that that the kind of steak that I would want. And so um I I I did four four eggs over hard and then limp bacon. And I was thinking I was gonna get a biscuit, but I could tell by my two kids, my wife, my mom, there was gonna be plenty of opportunity. If I wanted a couple of bites of a biscuit or a pancake, there they were gonna have plenty, right? You know? And here's just an observation that I've been noticing for me. I it just the allure of what it might taste like in my mouth just didn't seem worth any sort of thing it would do to my body. Like I'm just enjoying how my body's functioning right now. That's it. I enjoy how lean I feel. Uh, I enjoy the mental clarity that I feel like's really sharpened these last couple of months. I I I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 12:51

I just I just never I just on the big biscuit.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Yeah, but but like I didn't make any loud statement, I didn't say anything to my family.

SPEAKER_03 13:00

Like I want a biscuit, but I'm not gonna eat it.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

I didn't feel like I I I just I got I was not even really it was like of course I was aware that they were eating those things, but like my life's about me. Like my health's about me. It's not even about my kids, my wife, my mom. And no. Like, we're all our own health advocates. We haven't really been shown that model very well. We have not. But it's really, really powerful way to live when you just go, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put all the focus on me.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Uh Chaz, what are the top 10 top benefits of uh high cholesterol?

SPEAKER_02 13:36

So the bottom line from GPT here is says that it supports brain health, enables hormone production, improves stress resilience, strengthens immune defense, aids cell repair, and often correlates with higher HDL and met and better metabolic markers.

SPEAKER_03 13:53

So we need high cholesterol. Sounds like it. And we've been taught that high cholesterol is so bad.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

You know, I think a lot of times if you look into things, you start to realize that a lot of what we got exposed to is an organization, an industry, um a company, whatever. And a lot of times the powers that be, they want to control a narrative. And they have a reason for controlling that narrative because it's there's some type of reward or benefit or financial gain to them. And I don't even say that like a as a like a like a conspiracy theory. It's more of just like if you take the time to kind of learn how the world works, you you discover these things. And it's just helpful. It's nice. You don't you don't even have to really, you don't have to throw around the whole I'm a conspiracy theorist. No, I'm a human that has been taking time as I live to learn how shit works. And then when I learn how shit works, like I get smarter, I get wiser, I kind of see it for what it is. I do my own homework, I do my own research. I find out a lot of times the conclusions that I come to, eh, a lot of times are different, if not opposite of what.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

And doesn't that suck that it it takes until we're in our 30s, 40s, 50s, even to really start to realize that there's a whole system in place and some of us just aren't, you know, intellectual enough to even dive in and think and think that things could be different, you know? I mean, maybe, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

I mean, I think I've definitely thought that way, but I don't know, man. I I saw something the other day that said you're you really don't really start living until like after 40. Now, I I don't think that's not that's not a fair just blanket statement because like I'm not gonna sit here and act like I wasn't living and didn't have some incredible epic moments. Okay. I I I know what they're trying to kind of say. They were saying that basically everything up till kind of that stage of life is like sorting and sifting. It's like research, it's like discovery. And I was like, you know, I think what would have been helpful is I wish I could have really, maybe in like my late teens, early 20s, told myself, hey, be really, really light with the next two decades. Like, you're gonna hopefully be fortunate to make it. You're gonna be in your 40s, and you're gonna realize like it just takes time of sorting, sifting, discovering, trying, failing. Ah, I thought this way. No, that's not it. I I I don't know that I really went into those these last two decades with that mindset. I I see it now looking in reverse, you know, but it makes me want to call up my son Addison. And not and not that he even would have the ears to hear, but just kind of be like, hey son, like I'm hoping you're kind of already feeling this way, but I got really good news for you, man. Like, the odds say you're probably gonna make it to 40 plus. And the odds say, like, life's life can be really good these next 20 years. I'm not saying that they can't, but what if you just totally approached it from a place of let me see what I can figure out, let me see what I can discover, let me see what I can research, let me see what I can learn, let me see what I can sort and sift through. Like almost as like a prerequisite for the sweet spot man's gonna arrive a little bit later, and you're gonna and the more experiences you have, the more things you look into, the more you just go for it and just kind of throw caution to the wind.

SPEAKER_03 17:32

Gosh, wouldn't that it would have changed the entire trajectory of my life for sure. You know, I I why but you know, I think my family bought into the system that, you know, you go to college and once you're out of college, you gotta, you know, start figuring some things out because you gotta get a house, you gotta get married, you gotta start a family. So you gotta get your shit together, right? But my God, I mean, gee, like if I would have, if I would have approached my 20s and 30s with that mindset of just being light, like don't carry the burden, like just try to figure things out. I mean, my goodness, life would have been and like you, I've had a great life and I'm not sitting here poo-pooing it. But it's sad that we do put ourselves in these boxes based on traditional values.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

We're just taking way we're taking ourselves way too serious. Way too serious. We really are. Like I like there's just there's just no way you're gonna convince me that a human being can mess this thing up.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

And and I I think uh I'll I'll say this, okay? You can definitely do certain things on planet Earth that yield you certain consequences that can greatly deteriorate the kind of human experience you're gonna be able to have based on if you do certain things. Like no denial from that. But in the sense of when you get married, or if you get married, or if you have kids or don't have kids, or if you follow this career and you stay for a long time, or you try 17 different things in a four-year period, or you're at this place when you're 30, or you're not at this place when you're 40, or you're here uh, you know, in in this part of the world, or you're in that part of the world, or you stay in this one location, or you travel all over. Like that's what I'm referring to. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:17

So, right, I think I'm what I'm hearing you say is you need you need to let go of the values that not not say not just the values, but the um the expectation that others place on your life at a very formative age so that you can grow and become who you're supposed to be in your own experience, not the person that your parents, your uncles, your family, your your teachers, whoever want you to be. Because that was one thing I think I I fell into growing up was like I always tried to be either the perfect son or the perfect student, or the the the example, like like you guys know me at this point, like music's a gift. I was never big on touting the gift of music, but it was just inherently who I was. So I try to guard that and protect it and always say, oh, it's it's just it's just a gift, you know, it's just it's just that's just who I am. And I think I would have benefit from that advice of just saying, hey, let go of the expectation that you have to live up to what your parents say you should be, or even yourself to a degree, because I think sometimes we we place that on ourselves very, very early. We say, okay, I have this. This is exactly what I'm supposed to do. And then when we try to arrive there and it doesn't happen, what next?

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Man, I couldn't agree more, Chaz. I I appreciate you noticing that. I that is what I'm communicating. And I think for me on some level, I've been on a journey of of wanting to step fully into that idea for 20 or 30 years. And I'm not suggesting that it's even an easy journey. Um, there's social constructs, there's family dynamics, there's roles we play, there's stuff that feels so real in our mind that even when we get introduced to maybe this idea of, hey, like what interests me? What appeals to me? Like, let me tell you what, where this is showing up, where I feel so amazing right now in my life. And I've talked about this a little bit on a few other episodes, but I feel like this epiphany that Caroline and I were, we were at dinner the other night, and it dawned on me that I had accidentally put her in a really tough spot. And I don't know that I had really ever grasped just how much she loves what she does in the pickleball community and world. And I think because I had not been, I had not evolved enough to kind of just meet my own needs, I was still a very codependent human for a long time. I didn't have the full capacity to be able to just look and see what it was that brought her a tremendous amount of joy because I was always looking at what things can do for me. But when I've, as I've continued to evolve, learn how to meet my own needs, and not be such a codependent human. human and I can really just observe and I can think, what does it mean to say that I love Caroline or I care about Caroline or she means so much to me. Well I think one of the ways that it that I speak to that and embody that is pay attention to what she loves in her life. And why would I want to do anything to interfere with that? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 22:25

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

And so like when I realized that I at times was putting it in a spot where she was going to have to feel like she had to choose between the career she loved and the man she loves me it just crushed me.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

That happened to me in high school.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

It just broke my heart.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

That happened is oh dude I I my life would be different today probably if I had just gotten out of the way. And I'll tell you exactly where this was placed. My mom saw that my girlfriend at the time her name was Chesney at the time she noticed hey Chesney's not playing around with uh you know the right folks like she's not like she's she's being influenced by the wrong crowd you know and you're the you're the man you know you need to step in and say something about it. And guess what happened? I interfered she broke up with me.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Had I had just stepped out of the way How long ago was that this was almost uh well I gotta think back gosh like if you just let things unfold. Yeah this was you know nobody knows what what I mean we can think we know what's about to happen right well someone stepped in the way and said hey you need to you need to step in and do something about this that's what I'm getting at.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

It's not that it's not that I had the idea to go in and do it. It's that someone put my expectations on you. Right. They said early on hey you need to step in and do something and God bless my mom and dad. I mean like seriously they for everything they've done for me they've done a great job but that was one example I remember purely going man if I had just if I had just shut up.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Well I can just tell you right now and Barlow I want you to speak to this how would it feel if the if one of the top five most important people in your life recognized something about what you love being involved in and doing in your life and they said hey I want you to know not only do I love that you love that you never have to choose between that and me I think it'd be fuel oh my God I it is fuel. I mean I'm telling I'm experiencing it I I can just tell you like I wouldn't be able to give words like only I would know this but even just in the last week or two like I just I I I she just radiates different like the weight that's off like like it's almost like someone just said are you kidding me I literally get to have it all you mean I don't have to choose I don't have to give up something I love how many human beings because of what Chaz just said right there are being given these uh expectations these these ideas of what other people think they ought to be doing how many people constantly feel sad on some level in their life because they think they have to give up something they love in order to keep something else they love sad. And what if they could just realize you you you can just change your mind. You could just have both.

SPEAKER_03 25:33

Well I think they're that powerful well and I think it takes uh someone who has some security someone who's has some life experiences someone who's had the feeling of failure. You know and unfortunately like to Chad to your point you don't get to have all those when you're younger you're still figuring things out but everything feels so heavy so we get into our own way sometimes and then things happen that we don't want to happen and then we feel bad right where as opposed to you've gone through life, you've had evolution you're realizing hey in order for things that are important in your life to really function on a high high level you have to have the mental and the physical clarity to just say let it be good.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

Yeah I'm good I love you and I love that you love pickleball and I've got your back bam well because think about it okay so what am I really wanting I'm I I if I'm gonna be in a marriage a relationship a partnership right like I I want connection right I I want there to be fire and spark and polarity and all of the things right and so if I'm going to if that's gonna happen let's just say between me and Caroline, well if it's gonna be real, if it's gonna be natural if it's gonna be organic she's got to be feeling good about herself on a daily basis. So if I start to let my brain or my mind tell me oh her job's a threat oh she's too much focused on work. Oh you know blah all the shit I made up you know all the things I can do which I've done trust me okay I'm guilty um well if I have to turn her into a version of herself she doesn't love which she did correct yeah then I'm really not even still getting the thing I say and claim that I actually want correct how fucked up is that right versus what if I could release her and then once she felt safe that doesn't mean you can't have moments where you go hey babe man like I know you love what you do but it feels like work's kind of really kind of overtaken our our calendar you know recently you know is there a possible way like maybe going to this next quarter we might be able to redirect some of that time so that we can you know still have what we desire together like i if you if you feel supported and you feel safe and you know this person wants nothing but for you to be in love with what you do who then wouldn't be willing to receive that lovingly conversation you need to have someone as your advocate basically right you know yeah so it it it it's I don't even know how we got to this point but this feels like a like a powerful moment you know like it is and I think and I think it's it it's really it's it's the the the curriculum the core of your curriculum which is let people be their most authentic truest most pure version of themselves support that love them around that then they get to become who they truly want to be which then benefits you while you are who you truly want to be and then you have a spontaneous combustion of ecstasy bingo. And isn't that awesome isn't that what we're all after two more things you just reminded me. Thank you Barlow so I'm I'm in the middle of a of a coaching container with someone right now and um I really feel like this specific thing is kind of the next point that we're gonna need to work through because basically at the end of the day I'm actually working with a married couple and the one spouse is super innovative very entrepreneurial very creative I mean like they're blowing me away like some of the things they're telling me they've done in their particular field their industry is pretty remarkable. Okay and then due to the dynamics of a situation with the other spouse's family that they I I I give credit to this spouse. Like they they're seeing the trend the pattern there's been a lot of toxicity coming from their side of the family this spouse is constantly kind of at odds feeling like the spouse who's real creative and stuff maybe works too much or you know and and it's almost like kind of feeling it looks like to me almost like seeing it as kind of like a threat. And I think what I hope to be able to kind of guide and lead them into is man, if the one spouse takes away all of that creative love and all that innovation. Well but even if they could that isn't going to be the person they were in love with. They don't even realize that the thing they're asking the other person to give up on some level would change the person they even fell in love with when they first hooked up 12 years ago.

SPEAKER_03 30:31

Which I think brings up a great point that how you love somebody often creates the version of that person that you either love or don't love. Your influence, your love, your power or lack of love or power to that person is morphing that person to either be someone you love or don't love.

SPEAKER_01 30:51

So if you don't like something you change yeah yeah yeah well and the thing is is that by changing ourselves first and sending a much more loving supportive unconditional wavering to the other person then back to what I mentioned a second ago then to be able to bring up a conversation like hey you know I'm feeling like we've gotten a little out of balance I just I don't know any human being on the planet in a loving relationship with someone they're attracted to that they want to be with that isn't going to be open to that conversation when they feel like you really care about their joy and what they're into and what they love about life.

SPEAKER_03 31:33

Well and Ryan let me take it a step further what if you actually didn't ask but you felt it you felt she's being over overworked you felt that she's not as in tune as you might want her to be so you take the initiative and you go to her not necessarily business or maybe the people that are helping her in her business say hey I'm gonna steal Caroline away on Friday I'm gonna she's not coming in she doesn't know it but I'm gonna surprise her I'm gonna wake her up I'm gonna take her I'm gonna make her nice fancy little bed and breakfast uh for her and then we've got a special day planned up would you mind just it's gonna be a surprise but I we we need this you take the initiative she wakes up on Friday you hand her some eggs and bacon you've mapped out a day and by I I guarantee by noon she's going I didn't know I needed this and all you're doing is saying I just love you so much babe I could see the work that you were doing and I love you so much and I just wanted to reconnect because I think you needed it. I know I needed it but I so love you.

SPEAKER_02 32:31

This has changed my world and I'm not kidding I've done this almost the this exact thing at least for three months every Monday night. I I sometimes work probably until 5 5 30 and I don't know how this started but Barlow this exact feeling you just described I was in tune with what uh Courtney was feeling one week she's you know she works a really hard job I mean she's in a kind of a high stress environment with her uh her clinic and you know she's you know she's worried about all these different things like her her her patients her clients and you know her mental health and I'm like I I can't let her just I can't ride her let her ride this wave alone. So I I took it upon myself.

SPEAKER_03 33:14

Good instincts by the way thank you thank you love it.

SPEAKER_02 33:16

No so I I went over to Reese's and I thought to myself let's let's do a whole like four course dinner.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

Let's just let's just not even like this guy's got do you think he can cook too we're gonna find out aren't we bro I got a cast iron skillet two months ago no way yeah well I see and cook apparently well I'm also taking two what are you doing later and then the universe decided to throw him on the Ryan Lelph show where we talk about everything right a subject he's gonna probably need to get some skills here sooner than later.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

But basically the the wrap the wrap up of of this is that every every Monday night from that point on I just decided hey I'm gonna go make her dinner I'm gonna make a charcuterie board one week we have a glass of wine or you know we're we're gonna go make steaks or you know honey glazed chicken this this last week we did a a cast iron skillet bake of like nochi and alfredo and the Alfredo was like you know four tablespoons of half and half so it was like super velvety super rich I've never thought of doing this in my life until I thought of serving my spouse or my future spouse get it get us to the good stuff like how does she respond?

SPEAKER_01 34:39

Dude she was overwhelmed she couldn't believe what I did she's like the first time it happens she goes why because I love you it's because I care about you so much well Chaz just back up though isn't this the same kind of thing you were talking about earlier where you almost kind of downplay your love for music don't don't you think that a lot of us are kind of trained to kind of downplay having people do nice stuff for us like don't you think there's a there's a lot of teaching out there that almost makes it we almost don't even know how to just receive well I don't know if I would downplay it that's the or to or to feel deserving. So like why are we so shocked?

SPEAKER_03 35:25

Like why did you do this for me?

SPEAKER_01 35:27

Yeah like why are we like that? Yeah like I I don't know that that's a healthy thing but I feel like it's a typical response from a lot of humans you know what's sad is my typical response if someone did that to me. Yeah it would be like I do deserve this thank you it's that yeah it is isn't it it would be my response like finally somebody noticed thank God something happened for once well I don't I I know I kind of cut Chaz off and so if he's wanting to finish there I want to come back to him but I we can speak to this afterwards but that's all good. I really think there is this overarching fear that I see out there. I I'm not even I'm not even gonna source it back to any one specific thing or or location but there seems to be a massive fear from a large amount of us humans I don't want to come across arrogant. Yeah I don't want to be cocky. Yeah just like me just like just now you know but but I feel like we swing the pendulum so far that a lot of us like honestly feel unworthy, you know, undeserving we don't receive very well like you know I grew up in a framework where they were always telling you that it was better to give than receive and I'm like well but that doesn't add up. That's like saying your left arm's more important than your right toe. I I think they're both pretty important. I I want to receive and if there's nobody to receive then there's nobody to give to so I'm pretty sure that it's just as important to receive as it is to give and we're all in different seasons. Yeah you know there are times where I am so thankful that other people were in a place to to give something of value to me that made a difference in in the time and the place and the location and I mean everything from their their money their their time their their support their love their prayers whatever it may be. And then there are other times where like I'm in a place where I can do something to give, you know? And I find actually that once I really embrace that whole concept I don't place one more valuable than the other. They're both in their own unique way really special.

SPEAKER_02 37:35

Ryan is this why I feel like such an arrogant little brat whenever I don't receive the exact thing I want on my Christmas list.

SPEAKER_03 37:41

You're just an arrogant little brat naturally probably that sounds more like entitlement. Hey Chas are Chase I want to I want to ask it's Chaz.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

It's hey listen how long have I known you it's Christmas Eve day now we're time stamping these bad boys are we oh we did didn't we just cut that out it's probably came out in fucking May 2026 yeah or 27 at this point exactly there goes that content.

SPEAKER_03 38:11

Chaz though um answer me this though did the night especially the first night that you did this walk us to the trans uh the transition of the evening did it make for a explosive evening and I know you don't do certain things if you're not married but but but did it I mean they might have just had the longest French kiss that nice they'd ever engaged in.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

Or you know what you know what did or maybe they just held hands intensely for three hours on the couch.

SPEAKER_03 38:44

What's it called when you're on top of each other with clothes clothes on yeah you know maybe they do I wasn't gonna go that far bar I was just saying maybe maybe we're putting him in a box that we shouldn't put him in.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

Anyway Chaz have how did the night progress and do you feel like that that connects typical guy man always assuming that any great act's gonna lead to you know some sexual response. Isn't that terrible I mean right like I mean he just went straight there right well answer me this that didn't consider because I mean that's just how we all think you know right like the real reason we do anything is because we're hoping it sparks something right I mean that's the payoff right go ahead that's a whole nother phenomenal conversation by the way anyway we got we have another podcast okay we'll do it on that one.

SPEAKER_03 39:33

All right let's go Chaz.

SPEAKER_02 39:34

So no the night did not lead to sex. Okay that's the short answer. No it did not lead to sex. What it did lead to I'm impressed. Well yeah I mean we just don't we No no no no no no no you don't even know why I said that.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

No no keep going this is great. Go.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

Okay. Because that's that's a whole different thing in and of itself framework wise okay yeah what did it lead to was just I think peace and fulfillment for both of us.

SPEAKER_03 39:58

I mean Ryan probably a strong strong connection I'm liking that.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

Yeah so so Ryan I know you you find it this concept a little hard which is you you don't want to give more than what you receive. For me this was and I think for me this was really wild. It was like the minute I realized oh my gosh I love serving Courtney I stopped thinking about what I could get because I realized what I actually got was peace, fulfillment, joy. I find it really awesome. And I I couldn't tell you what it was specifically it didn't it wasn't that we had like you know a whatever you want to call it like a prolonged makeout session at the end or anything, which, you know, I don't even remember if we did or not and that really that wasn't the point. The point was I felt a sense of purpose belonging I felt like I'd not only done the right thing but I felt like I was helping lead her in a way that maybe she wasn't capable of leading herself in that moment.

SPEAKER_01 40:58

I'd I'd like to clarify something I I think you accidentally did I misspeak on something?

SPEAKER_02 41:02

Yeah you did. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

Yeah I I wasn't saying that I'm that that receiving's better than than giving see and and and that proves that that whether you realize it or not you really do actually think giving is better than receiving because that's then why you hear anything contrasting to that must be the exact opposite. Here's what I'm saying when I give man that there's nothing like it. Sure in that moment I am all in and I am so grateful and thankful that there's abundance that I'm in a place that I was mindful that I was conscious that I saw a need that I was capable of meeting it that I could show up I'm not looking for anything in return. I don't need any praise I'm not asking for a reward nothing like just the fulfillment and satisfaction of it is incredible. You're saying you want the like the the balance of both giving and receiving that's that's really most important to and then in its own unique way when there have been moments that I was of in a place of need and someone flipped that script and I got to be on the receiving end and there was nothing that I could claim that I had done to deserve it. There was nothing I had done to earn it it was simply just about being a human being and realizing in this moment someone had seen my need was able to meet it totally wanted to wasn't asking for anything in return I felt totally wrapped up in the power of what that is like and I'm simply saying they're both incredible experiences. I'm not even trying to compare them yeah yeah I'm on the same page I'm saying if I'm trying to turn the moment where I was on the receiving end into the same moment of when I was giving then there's no way that I'm gonna fully be present for what it's like to be on the receiving end.

SPEAKER_02 42:57

I'm gonna be somewhere else in my head I think what you just spoke to I was kind of half joking about that Christmas bit but it is kind of true. I can't tell you how many Christmases I've sat through and felt like oh they're only getting me something because it's what they want for me. And we joke about that oh it's a sense of entitlement it's a spoiled thing man even just recently we celebrated Christmas early I got more than I had ever asked for on this last trip. In fact I had a huge suitcase that I had to take with me to DFW airport because there was just so much we couldn't actually take home in fact we had another family member take so much of what we had home that's how much we got and yet I'm sitting here going you guys didn't get me what I asked for like you guys didn't get one thing and I I get a I got a list out and everything Everything and this has been going on for years. Right?

SPEAKER_00 44:04

Yeah, that sounds to me like it speaks to something deeper.

SPEAKER_02 44:11

Like an unmet sort of desire, unmet need.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

Like someone's not paying attention to details, or they don't care enough to actually know what's important to me. Right. Um, or I don't feel seen or not thinking about it.

SPEAKER_02 44:28

They're not thinking about it. They've got so many other things that they've got focused on, they they can't afford their time and energy.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

So then I might think, well, so is is is it really about connection, or is it that we just go through the motions every year?

SPEAKER_02 44:42

I think that's the weird thing about this because even when I was getting the those gifts, there was a sense that it is about the connection. Was it? Or was it the fact that you felt connected by way of giving a gift to say you gave a gift that was really, really nice, by the way. I'm not knocking it. I'm just saying there is an unmet desire.

SPEAKER_01 45:04

Well, you know, I did see a guy the other day on some video or something I was watching, and he said, I don't think we should actually wrap presents. And I was like, huh? He was like, Yeah. He's like, you know, he's like, is there anything worse than like unwrapping a present and then you can't do it?

SPEAKER_00 45:25

I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 45:26

Yeah, I'll never fucking wear those things again. What? God, I hope she left the receipt on there. So I can't even see it. Such a good point, though.

SPEAKER_03 45:34

Yeah. Such a good point.

SPEAKER_01 45:36

Like, I I've always I've always hated opening presents. Well, here's a here's a perfect example, okay? I mean, it's only taken us, you know, 30 years together, but I I I really genuinely love that this is uh a place that Caroline and I are at. I don't know. I just don't really enjoy going and like figuring out what she wants and going and getting presents. And she likes me, loves me, wants to be with me, and there's enough other attributes of things that I do that are really cool to her, she doesn't really care anymore. I also, though, love the fact that she's all into it, and especially her and my daughter. They love buying gifts and wrapping them and having fun and all of it. And and and there were definitely times earlier in my life where I would have poo-pooed on that, and that was stupid, you know? So, what I'm loving about the freedom that we're living in as a family is they don't give me a hard time. We just we can tell jokes about it. I can laugh at myself, like it's funny. Like, but but it's it's it's lighthearted. Like they're really not upset at all, right? And so the other day, Caroline's like, I can't wait for you to see what you got me this year. And you're like, I can't wait for you to see what I got you. And I'm like, no, no, no. What she's saying is that like, I she got me stuff. I have no idea what she got me. I mean, but she's good at it. So she's probably asked me and I wasn't even paying attention, and she figured out what I'm into. And I'm sure most of the time I love opening up her gifts because she gets into it and it's fun. Okay. But what I love is that instead of holding it against me, that I don't reciprocate that in that particular category, she has just as much fun finding the deals and wrapping them up and doing this and whatever. And then she loves watching my reaction to her opening up the thing she knows because she's the one that, you know, wrapped it all up.

SPEAKER_02 47:28

There's something gratifying about that.

SPEAKER_01 47:30

And see, I just love that that I feel like we circled the wagon here. Like this was the theme of this podcast. Yeah. What if we gave people the freedom like to really be themselves? And that was who we liked doing life with, not this version we're always asking them to be, which is something they don't really enjoy. And what is the price of a humanity that is constantly putting unmet expectations on the people they say they love? What is the cost? What is the effect? How is that impacting us? And how much would life, ourselves, our relationships, and seasons like the holidays dramatically improve if everyone genuinely knew they were just free to be me.

SPEAKER_03 48:37

What a gift that would be, right?

SPEAKER_01 48:39

Yeah. Yeah. That is the Ryan Love show. That's ineffable.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Took the words right out of my mouth, and I gotta pee.

SPEAKER_01 48:51

Do it.