EPISODE 14 Your Circle Might Be Holding You Back

 “Everybody supporting you… isn’t actually supporting your growth.”

Main Points

• Comfort vs challenge
• Energy alignment
• Outgrowing environments
• Choosing proximity intentionally

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

There it is. There it is. Welcome back, cousins. Yes. Your co-host for the Business Cousins Podcast, where we mix family and business. What's going on, cousin?

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hey y'all. Hey, cousin. Tasha C Wear HLS Collective. And I'm so happy to be doing Business Cousins Podcast with one of my first cousins. Like it was me, then it was Hamborne. We are here.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

We got to leave, you know, live by example. I gotta shout out to you. You come up with some really great topics. Uh, because we we wanted to create a podcast that was actually interesting to listen to, but was useful to listen to. There's lots of entertainment out there. We're trying to help people grow and grow their business. So you said uh your circle might be holding you back.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Yes. Yeah, we we finally made it to that point.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

What what made you um what what popped into your head where this was this was like selected?

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Well, you know, everyone supporting you isn't actually supporting your growth.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

Oh you know where's I got a sound effects. I'm gonna get better than the sound effects. So everybody supporting you is not supporting your growth.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

That's good.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

And so no, go ahead, finish with that, finish.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

You know, so some people are rooting for you as long as you don't outgrow them.

SPEAKER_03 1:24

I want to give a special shout out, congratulations. He just became an unofficial sponsor. Uh, Andre C. Hatchet, leadership and accountability coach uh for high-performing leaders and notary uh business owner. He's really big on leaving your hometown. He says everyone should leave their hometown for at least one year.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

Have you uh heard that advice before?

SPEAKER_00 1:47

I have not, but I personally can agree from leaving the DC area, which is, you know, it's vibrant. There's black professionals here, it's an amazing place to grow, but then leaving and going to New York. And I lived in New York twice in my teen years. I lived with a host family, and I lived through college and professional years, so about seven, eight years. You you get to take what you have learned from your hometown and just be yourself. And learn from people. I mean, my friends were from from everywhere from Hawaii to Colorado to Trinidad, and I think that it just gave me some life experience that I wouldn't have had. That I've seen some of my friends that have never left the area. They just they just that last tinge of um learning who you really are, what you and what you really stand on, you know, and that's good because I grew up in Ohio, I was saying Ohio, good on 937 homo funk music.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

So the home of music.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

Listen, we could talk Ohio players, we can talk about Boosie Collins, we can talk about Layside. Don't give me story.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Okay, yes, bring music.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

That's the home story. Not oh, yeah, not folk. I thought it's been in Georgia too long, little country. I thought because it was Ohio, you had to get out of Ohio. Like, right, there's nothing happening in Ohio. Shout out to some amazing entrepreneurs in Ohio. Um, but what you said was really key. Growing up in DC, right? Professionals everywhere, excellence, history happens here, but leaving was still valuable to you.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

And so that's where no matter where you are, I encourage everyone to leave at least one year from where if you live in Atlanta, leave Atlanta. LA, New York, get out just for a year. You can go back. There's something that happens to you because you really look at your circle from the outside in. And like you said, I like what you said, which what are you really about?

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Yeah, like were you really standing on business? Or that was what I realized when I got here, and I could have been in PG County, Maryland, not in DC proper, though I was born in DC proper. And but when I got there, everybody was they were like, Oh, you from DC. Like they turned it, they turned it into a thing of like, oh, is that what I represented? They also called me Little Country when I lived with when I first moved. Yeah, they thought I sounded country, and I'm like, but I'm not even from Baltimore, I'm from DC. Yeah, you know, so it was interesting to see everyone's what music they were listening to. Because I listened to Go Go.

SPEAKER_03 4:25

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

What's that? And I'm like, oh, don't you worry about it.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

They don't know about that mumble soft, code.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Yeah, let me get you, let me get you here, let me get you what's a little spice in your life.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Shout out to everyone from the east coast. If you uh grew up in DC, Baltimore area, it's tap in, leave us a comment so we can shout you out. Yeah, um, it's yeah, it's different out there. I think a big thing for me was a new vision of what's possible. Okay, and so it's no shade to the people you grew up with, the people I grew up with. I love y'all. Shout out to 937. Um, but there's so many things I didn't know I didn't know. What were some things, life or business that away from home that you uncover that you might not have if you estate put?

SPEAKER_00 5:11

You know, I think um I was blessed to see work ethic both ways. Um, because here people are go-getters. I didn't have that where I needed to see what was possible. I mean, I thought I might have been an astronaut. I didn't have that. So I think what I learned was more about uh it was less superficiality in the DC area at that time in the 90s. People were really into what you look like, what Jordans you have on and X, Y, Z. But then going into York where everyone dressed so different, everyone came from so many different places. It kind of stripped away that part and took away the superficial of spending money on like superficial clothes and things like that. So I think in business it's helped me because I don't lean into that at all.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Like take me easy. You definitely have a different approach to uh I don't know a lot of fitness folks, no a few, but it's it's it's usually body, and then a few of them are better ones or diet, but you say, hey, I want your old health.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Yes, because coming from the dance world, where most clients I encounter will never be able to do what me and my friends were doing at Alvin Ailey or what they did as a ballerina or the athletes I know, like my husband, that that's not what they come to me for. And I don't want them to try to live up some to some unattainable body standard, whether it's looking at me or looking at augmented people on the internet. I just want them to be the best person that they can be because that's what's sustainable and that's what's gonna give longevity.

unknown 6:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:46

And so that was probably my longest running business is new skills from you. And that's the same principle. That's why we're here right now. Is I'm not trying to turn you into a version of me. I want you to be the best version of you. Um, that's so simple, but when you stay in your hometown, you end up in a routine, you end up in a cycle, and um, you're either going in a circle or you're in a downward spiral, right? Unless you just happen to be a friend group of runners and athletes, you end up going to the same BW3s, having the same order of wings, having the same beers, uh sitting in the same booth, and you look up 20 years later, you're broken overweight, and you never did write that book, and you never did start that business, you never did go back to school. And that's if you have a group that pushes you to be better, hold on.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

Yeah, I think that that happened too when I left. I I I made friends that challenged me.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

That's the magic word right there, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Whereas here, like you said, I was big fish, small pond a little bit, you know. So going to New York, you know, I was like, Oh, I'm actually behind. Like my friend showed up 16 as a freshman, yeah, and was killing it. I'm like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Like I had that moment in Atlanta. Uh, a good friend of mine was mad, she was so mad. I'm like, yo, what's going on? She was like, damn it, Bruce. I just did my taxes, made $980,000 last year. Oh, and she was mad, and I was like, All right, I'm waiting for the for the bad news. She was like, if I had been paying closer attention, I could have made another 20. Oh, she's like, That's not happening again. I'm doing a million. And I was like, What? And the next year she did 1.4. See, receipts too.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Like, I was like, Oh, I'm sure. I mean, and that's some energy alignment right there, though.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

I I might have to test her after this. Like, yo, we were talking about you today.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Yeah, I mean, and that's what happens when you do when you change your circle. You get some discernment and you get some like a ha moment that you didn't know you needed. Another time when I came home during the summer, I worked at the Department of State, worked at the State Department, and worked that summer, worked the desk job, you know, the thing, you go get your good government job, ex-weszy. And I told my mom the next summer, I said, if I do this again, I'm gonna end up fat and stupid mom.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

Damn. Hey, yes, yes, yes, to Jack Will in the Hill.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

I said those words.

SPEAKER_03 9:29

What did she say?

SPEAKER_00 9:30

She said, okay. She said okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:32

And then some supportive parents.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

Yeah, yeah. She I she understood I needed to be in dance class. I needed to be taking class so that I can become the professional I need to become. I wasn't learning. She knows I love, she knows she knew, she knows I love to read and I love to learn. So it wasn't for lack of trying to, you know, learn a new skill, change the the culture was not what I expected. It was a lot going on. So that is, I took from that as well. Sometimes you have to stand on that side too. Where like this is just not for me.

SPEAKER_03 10:04

But if you hadn't got to New York, you might not have had that perspective. It sounds like exactly.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

I almost ended up on Ohio. That's what you don't know. I got a full scholarship there. My mom, she tried to drop me off. I said, You leave me here, I'll be home in a month.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

No, you ain't gotta tell nobody. That's funny. I don't know, maybe I uh who I am, but I tell everybody go ahead and explore the world. So here's someone else. I don't want to gloss over. You you said if I stay in this environment, I'm gonna end up fat and stupid. You are going to become uh amalgamation of the people you spend the most time with. You're gonna become like the people you spend the most time with. If you get into a uh pool of water, you're not gonna raise the temperature of the water, you're gonna end up getting cold, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Exactly, and that's what I saw. They were not, they were killing time day by day and eating everything day by day, no mental acuity improving. And it was like time was just going by, and they were in it, they were in the muck of it. And I'm sure there's this there's tons of government workers I know, including my mother, who worked really hard. It just happened to be the office. But that office, but that office, everybody else we love y'all.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

Thank you for the service you do for our country and first state and our county.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Um, but those folks, but those folks, they that's a whole nother podcast I'd have to talk about.

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Well, that's what I try and tell my friends, and I go back very rarely. I'm like, I'm not telling you all to start a business. Um, I'm not telling you all that you need to quit your job and go travel the world as an influence. All I'm saying is, are you getting better? Yeah, and you're not. It's it's uh it's some of the same complaints. Every time I talk to them, I go in 2026. Um, what's going on? You know, man, just trying to try to make a dollar out of 50 thing. Oh man, oh you know, just trying to make a dollar out of 50 cent. I'm just trying, and when are you gonna make some money?

SPEAKER_00 12:02

When are you gonna make some money? When you're gonna do things. So, so what is when when you do change your circle, what does support feel like to you?

SPEAKER_03 12:10

I really like when you stay where you grow up, you end up with the people that are around you. That's who you went to high school with, that's what you went to college with, or or that's who your cousins' family with. But when you go to a new city, you have an opportunity to choose who you hang around. And that's a really beautiful position to be in because again, if you hang around those people long enough, that's where you're gonna end up. So I decided I'm gonna hang out with people who own businesses. That's what Bruce wanted to do. You want to get in shape, hang out with athletes. I used to work out this crunch fitness, and I didn't realize when I signed up, but um, professionals, um, bodybuilders, and then what's the ones the aesthetic?

SPEAKER_00 12:54

Uh like the king competitors, can you they worked out in there?

SPEAKER_03 12:58

I was in best shape because everybody else around me is lifting heavy, and it was there for three, four hours. Anyway, so you can choose who you want to hang around with. I decided to hang around business owners, and so Atlanta is really easy to find entrepreneurs that look like me and that are doing some great things uh to make the world a better place, like pay their employees well, and we're having different conversations. And I was like, I mean, this is wonderful. So I think that's a big thing for me was choosing to be around folks, and so now I'm having conversations with uh the state of Georgia and with working on a project firm with Microsoft. I need them to approve it. That's gonna be litty. And it's because they I saw my friends do it. I said, Oh, it's possible. It changed it changed how I approached things and it changed my level of confidence, and I'd I'd do it again.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Yeah, yeah. I think for me when I got when I got to New York, it was seeing um how consistent they were. Like my friend, like, we did, we might have we went outside every weekend, but Monday through Friday, we did not miss a class. I said, Oh, we had the same temperament. My parents, both of my mothers said, you don't have to work. I said, Oh, but I'm gonna go to class. And we have I had friends that were missing class. I'm like, this is an expensive missed class, like this is not high school, you know. But that consistency paid off. Like the dancer I started off at at the beginning is not who I was when I left. And just having that tenacity that took me through the rest of my life to say, oh, all I have to do is get a certification. Oh, that takes less time than it took to become a professional dancer. I can do that. And so definitely having friends that were consistently working towards something that was a little further out in the future. Yeah, it wasn't just a gratification.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

That's about goals. I think that's a big thing with what I said earlier, right? We're just going around in a circle, same restaurant, same booth, same order every weekend. There's no goal. And that's the same reason. That's it. That's why you didn't like the office you were in. They didn't have any goals.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

That's exactly you know what? That's it. And that's what's going, that's what happens presently in business when I when I hire people or cousins or work with other friends, is your goal doesn't have to be my goal, but what is your goal? And when you have when you're indecisive and you keep moving the goal post, not even forward, but left and right, that doesn't feel like the right environment.

SPEAKER_03 15:21

Well, you never make any progress. If you take a step forward and a step left, and a step back and a step right, you just went in a circle.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:29

Um you keep changing, yeah. If you keep moving the goalposts, then you end up upset of yourself, and you say, Oh, that's why you know I can't get in shape. It's genetic. Oh, I can't make any money, the economy's bad. Oh, entrepreneurship just won't read. You you keep quitting, you keep giving up. And when you have friends, again, shout out to Andre. Um, actually, happy birthday, my guy. His birthday was last week. Uh, he'll call me, and if I complain, he'll hang up on me.

SPEAKER_02 15:58

Sorry, his call dropped.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

You know, he'll ask me, he's like, What did you do this week? You know, oh, you know, I'm planning on. He's like, No, what did you do? When you have friends like that, uh, shout out to my friend Sonia Lewis. If you call her talking about, yeah, you know, it's just not enough money to she'll be like, Uh oh, we don't we don't have broke conversations, we have solution conversations. She'll hang out too. And when and shout out to Sonia Lewis, the student loan doctor. Hey, listen, if y'all are struggling with your student loans, look up the student loan doctor, should get you straight. When you have friends like that, you call with solutions, you call with positivity and say, What are you been up to? Man, I I did uh I did a pitch to the Georgia Pest Control Association this week. Okay, okay, how'd that go? What's the follow-up plan? And they push you to be better and push you to grow. Again, that's what I want for my life. You don't want to be an entrepreneur, you want to be an artist, go hang out with artists. Um, if you want to be if you want to be really good at pickleball, go hang out with people that play pickleball. And what I learned is the more time you spend doing something you love and go towards the goal, the less time you spend doing self-destructive things.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

For sure.

SPEAKER_03 17:04

Uh I'm not gonna have another beer. I gotta get up tomorrow. It's pickleball practice, right?

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Exactly. And that's that's how it is in wellness, too. If you if your circle doesn't help influence good habits and things that you want to change, and every time you go out, they don't even they don't skip a drink, they don't drink the water, they don't you know don't even start on the water. Look, I just finished very good, very good. You hang it, see you hanging out with the right people.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

That's what happens. That's what happens. I stretched uh yesterday. Oh, I gotta stretch today, right? Because I heard you in my ear, like, okay, stay in motion.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Yeah, stay in motion.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

That's the advice. Listen, if you can't leave your hometown for whatever reason, like one of my best friend, um, he's got two wonderful twins, or two kids, one set of twins, right? He wants them to stay close to their mom. I respect that, but I'm gonna tell him I'll tell you the same thing I tell him. How did you get better today? How's your circle challenging you to get better? That's it, that's the life advice for you. It's not business advice, it's life advice. So if your circle is holding you back, change your circle.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Change your circle.

SPEAKER_03 18:07

Giving you permission.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

Yes. And if you can't leave your hometown, change your circle. There's there are still other circles to be had.

SPEAKER_03 18:15

That's it. All right, y'all. Thanks for tuning in to the Business Cousins Podcast where we mix family and business and help you get better in every way. We'll talk to y'all next week.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

See you next week.