EPISODE 16 You're Not Consistent Because You Don't Trust Yourself

 “It’s not discipline… it’s self-trust.”

Main Points

• Broken promises to self
• Confidence through follow-through
• Small wins build trust
• Identity shift

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Hey, welcome to the Business Cousins Podcast, where we meet family and business. It's your Shirley Bruce. Better questions heel, my amazing cousin. Hey guys.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hey now, Tasha Cooper, HLS Collective. And welcome back, you guys. Episode 16. We're still here.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Listen, we told ourselves 10 episodes. Here we are around the 20. How do you feel?

SPEAKER_00 0:25

You know, I feel like our consistency is going to pay off. And we made it past the threshold of the amount of episodes we will actually make it through. And I think they're getting crispier and more efficient every time.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

How do you feel?

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Have you? Oh man, this is my greatest strength, is like those first 10. All right. You start a new idea, you're like, man, this will be great. And you start off hot and then it uh so I'm excited to hit 16 just because I committed to do it and I did it. And I appreciate your support along the way, holding me accountable. Which brings us to the title of this episode. You're not consistent because you don't trust yourself. Um, if you've been tapping in with us, we appreciate you. You may remember uh episode titled Motivation is Cute, but it's unreliable. And this is really a part two to that one. Because what I'll ask you, especially in the fitness space, why do people get started but they don't keep going?

SPEAKER_00 1:25

You know, it's it's the it's the self-trust that you might actually get it done. And feel like you keep breaking the promise to yourself every time you start over. And each time you believe the result can come less and less. Like, oh, I'll just I'll just start on Monday and it's like, oh, again, there's Monday again, and there's Monday again, as opposed to, well, it's already Tuesday, just start on Wednesday. And I think that people are avoidant of that failure.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Oh, they avoid failure. But if you're avoiding failure, wouldn't you avoid success as well?

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Indeed, I'm sure that's in a book.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

If it's not, I'm gonna write it. So, well, how do you define trust? Let's start right there.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Consistency. Like trusting yourself and confidence can only come with consistency and creating habits that you complete it. If you never complete anything, then it's hard to say, like, I did that. And I think people aren't necessarily getting to that point. They want it more immediate because of the phones and you know, the Uber Eats, things are so immediate to us. But it takes some time to get confidence in something. You don't just wake up confident in something you've never done before, you never completed before. And I think that that's a that's something that holds us all back. Yes, if you can't set that habit and set that consistency for a long period of time, now like you said, not like 10 episodes worth, right? But like 100 episodes worth.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Right. Shout out to uh David Gibson. Uh we should run this like a radio show, right? He said, Exactly, right? Time for something to change. And I think a lot of people, no, I won't say a lot, there's many people that want to change and they don't trust themselves because they have a mega system before they said, I you know, I tried it, but it didn't work, or I didn't do the work, and they end up right back where they started. And I really like this definition of discipline. Uh, I think it was Jim Morone. He says it's keeping your promises to yourself. And if you tell yourself you're gonna do something and you do it, there's a matchup right between what you think and what you see, and you start to build trust with yourself. And I think, well, I know because it happened in my life, and and I've got stories on stories on when I was consistent in when I wasn't, where you really have a level of confidence, you have a level of trust in yourself. Hey, if I said it, I'm gonna do it, and there's nothing else to it. Yeah, um, most recently, it was the April 2026, so whenever you listen to us, I posted on LinkedIn every day, 30 days in a row, and I posted a YouTube video every day, 30 days in a row. And I was like, it was about halfway through the month. I was like, this sucks.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Did you feel that way when you did your when you challenged yourself last month to do your calls every single day? Yes, yes, and halfway through, you were like, This sucks.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Yes, yes, I wanted to give up. I was like, this is this is awful. But I grew my LinkedIn, it was like two 300 um connections. I had sales calls. It's interesting. I brought on a new client that month, but it wasn't from the LinkedIn outreach. It's very interesting. Like when you do the work, it works, it shows up in other ways. Yes, it's very interesting. Yes. Um, and so I'm working on building that trust with myself, especially when it comes to business.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

And there go, that's the proof. You need proof so you can trust the process and trust that you can you'll keep following through. You know, it's not like you need a new plan, you know what to do. Most of my clients know what to do.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

You know what to do.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

You know, you just need the consistency.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

So, how do you rebuild that consistency when you've tried and quit so many things so many times?

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Um, I would say confidence comes from action, and you do have to kind of count the small wins.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

That's good. Confidence comes from action, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Not the hype, not the like, oh, we're gonna do a podcast, and then episode five comes by and they're like, Oh, yeah, we have a podcast, and 17 weeks go by, and it's like, oh, we have a podcast. Like, the hype is not gonna get you through.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

The hype gets you through. Somebody tweet that. So, what gets you through? Okay, so you're like, hey, the hype's gone, you're on episode five. That's a great example. Uh, you're on workout week number three. Maybe um you've made some adjustments to what you eat, and you're like, Man, I really don't feel like it. What's one or two things someone can do that says, Man, I really want to keep going, but I really don't want to keep going.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

I mean, I think that's that's that's how life works. There's so many things. I've been a personal trainer almost 24 years, 25 years. I don't like working out. I mean, there's things that I don't want to do it three, four days a week. Like I know it works, but I just it's it's things in life that even though you don't want to, if you want the bigger outcome, there is no magic wand for it to just happen. You have to decide and you have to commit and you have to have the confidence from the proof that you've seen to follow through.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

But what about working out's perfect? I love that you're an unhealthy fitness space. You're not gonna see a six-pack right away. You're not gonna see, you might not even see a change on the scale right away, whether you're trying to go up or down. So, okay, you're I I agree with you. You got that win, um you have you can see the progress that helps keep going. But what about the gap before then?

SPEAKER_00 7:21

Well, I I do think depending on what you're doing, because just like you said, you're not gonna get the six-pack immediately, you're not gonna get the six figures immediately in business either. You know, and just like we do, you do have to have some type of support. I I do think it's hard to accomplish long-term things alone. You know, there's so many distractions. And doing it alone, especially if it's a long-term goal, whether in fitness or in business, at some point you need that, whether it's your spouse that's like, you know, you're doing great, keep going. Or in someone like you, we have our we start off just having business meetings and we're not even in business together. Like I think that support is underrated. And it sounds good to say, Oh, you're a solopreneur, but at some point I need an accountant, I need some marketing. Um, and I think it's the same with fitness. It's like you need someone to push out the noise of what's marketed to us that oh, it's kidding, you just do this. And it's never just do this, it's never just whoa, whoa, whoa, there's a lot to unpack it.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Okay, so I I really love this quote. I put it in the comments. It's hard to accomplish long-term things. I love you. You shot a team and people um support. I want to use a real example of Friday. We are scheduled to pre-record this. This is live right now. Yeah, we scheduled to pre-record this, and we did not go live. Why didn't we go live?

SPEAKER_00 8:46

You know, I think it was just one of those days that like we hadn't done it in a few weeks because you know, life stuff was happening, even though we scheduled to not do it. We didn't bail on it.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Right, we had some pre-recorded episodes.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah, we're scheduled, and um, I think it was one of those days where we didn't necessarily feel like being on camera and being on, and I think that's what happens sometimes when people say we're going to the gym. It's like you gotta pack your bag, you gotta put the clothes on, you gotta go do the thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

But that's it though. That's it. If so, I you know, I always like to take away. Okay, we listen to this podcast, that's great, it's cute. Thanks for going, subscribe, right? But how can I apply this to my life? So we had uh you were on vacation, I have some life life in, and we had pre-recorded episodes, so there was still an episode that went out, even though we weren't live that this past Friday, I didn't feel like it, you didn't feel like it. We were just but let me say, and we scheduled the next time within a few days. So I don't want you listening to beat yourself up like man, I missed another workout. Okay, well, what are you gonna do about it?

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Absolutely, and what I could say is we did not we didn't do nothing, like we still had a meeting for an hour about the next episodes and the next phase and lighting and camera. We still did work for the good of the cause. We still did work that pushed us forward, and even when I look at like my clients' programs, I'll never say you have to do this on Tuesday and Thursday. I'm like, no, you got seven days. I don't see you again till next week. Get it in where you fit in. Even if you can't do the full workout, go for a walk. If you can't do the walk, do some core. Like there's always something that can be done, even if it's not specifically what you thought you were gonna do, to help keep the consistency and whatever you're trying to accomplish.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Man, that's good. So, so even if you can't do a big piece of the goal, you can do a little piece of the goal that's purpose. Yeah, I'll take it. And I mean, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Yeah, and I have a question for you, and I have a question that um everyone can think about like, are you addicted to restarting?

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Oh, that's a really good question. You know, are you addicted to restarting? So I noticed, um, I noticed this in about 2010. I really like trying new things, like the new adventure and experiences. Now, what I didn't realize is whenever you try something new, you have to stop doing something, you just run out of hours the other day. And so I really was just a fancy quitter.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

You were a fancy quitter, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

Like, because I was like, I was doing I was doing stuff, I was always busy, so I didn't even know this right away. I mean, years that I was a quitter. So that's actually in 2010 is or was it 10? No, it was 2015. I decided to say, okay, I'm gonna make a change, I'm never gonna get anywhere if I keep starting over. And so I was like, all right, I'm not gonna cut my hair until I build a successful business. And so now about this black t-shirt. I don't know if you can see it, but now my hair is uh and so that was part of being consistent, right? Where and it's for me that was a reminder, then a visual where I said, okay, I gotta keep going. Uh so yeah, I do like the shiny thing. I don't know, they say ADHD and entrepreneurship go together real bad. Um, I never I never did take that test, but yeah, me neither.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

I don't think I have it.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

I mean, I'm still here at the end of the day, yeah. So I I like trying new things, but I have to remember, like, like you said, making progress on finishing my commitments and um saying no to some things. I think that's a tough part too. Um working out, or or shoot, it could be business, right? I do workshops on Saturdays in person, and they're um usually 11 to 1. And so Friday night, don't go out, right? If you got a workout schedule, don't go out drinking that night before. And it's tough because you're like, well, you know, so-and-so's birthday or so-and-so's anniversary. There's always a reason.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Um so I guess, okay. So then that's the next layer. How do we prioritize? I want to hit this goal and I want to enjoy life.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

Um, the where we where we left off, don't keep restarting and don't buy new shiny toys every other day to check in in in hopes of changing the outcome. And stay in it, stay in it at the baseline of the habits. Like, don't fall for the shiny new toy. Like, oh, if I take that one shot, I'm gonna be skinny tomorrow. Or if I just drink juice for the next seven days, like that is not sustainable. You know, and people do it all, clients do it all the time. They'll ask me, and I say, hey, if you're with me, do not buy anything else. Don't listen today. Like they don't exist. Stick to something, stick to it, it's and let's commit to an actual time period, kind of like we said when they say the smart, uh smart goals.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

Stick to the smart goal. Like if we say the goal is six months, let's do six months before we just throw it all away.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Right. I well, there's a lot to unpack there. These really might start end up being out.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

So you said um stick to something, and then and that's a thing we have you know, seven dangerous plans or something. We try and do these short-term fixes and expect to see long-term results, and that's that can be a dangerous, dangerous mindset. And then a lot of times they don't have a plan, they don't have a smart goal. It's just um I remember I was teaching a workshop on goal set, a goal achieving. I was like, setting goals is easy, you want to achieve your goals, right? And I told him, I was like, you can't lose weight, there's no button for that, there's no lever, you can exercise regularly, you can eat well, you can rest well. And those are the action items that help you get towards your goal. Um and so I told him, don't even worry about whatever the goal is, worry about what's the action today. And so for us, the goal isn't I don't know, a million dollar podcast, you know, 10 million subscribers or 1500 episodes. The goal is just to be consistent once a week for the indefinite. What are we doing? To the end of the year?

SPEAKER_00 15:22

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

One new podcast.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

That's it. That's it. And that's why I like the timely goals, it's like the time frame, as opposed to the oh, by this day, I'm going to accomplish, like you say, the goal accomplishment. Because you don't know, even in weight loss, like I have clients, they can work out, you know, a whole month and they see minimal results, and then the next month is when the results come. And so to put that kind of and then stress, if you stress about it too much, then you raise your cortisol, and then you also don't lose weight.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

So why would your cortisol increase? Why would you stress about it?

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Oh, perfect example of my clients that are obsessed with the scale, so they get on it every single day. But who wants to start their day like that? If it's let's just say it didn't go down, it went up that one day. You want to start your you don't want to start your day or in that state where you feel like uh unaccomplished.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

Every day. No, no, and it causes a more to stretch your heart, you have other things you have to worry about. I try to take that stress out by saying, just do what's on the app, just do what's on the program that I gave you. That way you don't have to think about it because I don't want you to be reactive. I don't want you to see that you went up that one day and now you're reactive the rest of the day. That's not gonna help you stay consistent. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

I think that's a perfect time to mention that. This episode is sponsored by HLS Collective. Two months community. So I know someone's listening, like, oh, what app, man? I've been struggling with my my fist, uh, my health and wellness journey, not just your weight, but my wellness journey. Uh, what do you have for that person?

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Oh, well, we have customized plans so that you can sit and help you set your goals and set what you can achieve and what is actually obtainable with your lifestyle. Like, what is your personal lifestyle, not what they what you see marketing on TV. So we help create those programs that you can follow along and we can track your data. So you can take the data that it's on our app and take it to your doctor and say, This is what I did, this is what's working, this is what's not working in the event. We find something that's off numbers-wise. Um, and then we have our support system, we have our other coaches. I have a therapist in the event, it's above my pay grade. And I'm like, you know, yeah, like this is not just regular stress. This might be exceeded into depression or something else, then I can help you with that. And as well as period menopause, a lot of women out there are trying to figure that part out, and we have a specialist for that as well to help you navigate it and get you in front of the right practitioners to kind of move the needle along.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

That's fantastic. Links in the notes. So if you're a series monitor one health journey, tap in the HLL collective. Yes, and so it's really amusing to me listening to you explain about it. Everything we talked about over these last few minutes is in a in uh the community. You talked about tracking your progress, you talked about having support, you're talking about setting goals, yeah. Oh, okay, we lived it every day, every day, and that's a beautiful place to be. Um, one of my goals uh for this year, um, let's see, there's there's different areas self goals, um, finished goals, relationship. Um, one of my big ones is a thousand videos on YouTube, and I don't know where I came up with that number, doesn't matter. But I realized when you you set a goal up here, you might worry, I'm gonna miss it, I'm not gonna hit it. What I hope to do though, by setting the goal a little bit higher than I think is reasonable or even realistic, is that I grow at this process. And so I've that's made me more consistent in creating content and hopping on this podcast. Um, it's made me more consistent in finding tools to automate some of this and to delegate the rest, and that's where you start to build a business, and that's where you start to trust yourself. You say, Hey, you know what? I am gonna accomplish this because I'm not doing it by myself. Exactly, not doing it the hard way, I'm not doing it manually, and you give yourself a greater chance to succeed.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

That's right, and that's called systems, and that will build our confidence and our consistency, and it sky's the limit.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

That's it. I think that's a great place to end it right there.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Yeah, your habits are introducing you before you speak, so stick to your good habits, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

If you need help with your accountability in life or business, tap in. Yes, we we only teach from what we know. That's it. We're trying to lead by example. So, this has been another episode of the Business Cousins Podcast. We win family business where health and wealth go together too. Real bad.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

That was a good one. Come on, outro.