EPISODE 17 Stop Romanticizing the Struggle

 “Struggle is not a personality trait.”

Main Points

• Hustle culture vs strategy
• Suffering ≠ success
• Ease through structure
• Redefining hard work

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

She gave a ticket. Oh we live. Hey y'all, it's the Business Because Podcast, a conversation behind family and business based on our real life, not uh when we heard about or read about or listened to. I'm Bruce, your better questions coach, and this is Tasha.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Yes, hello everyone. Tasha Cooperware, HLS Collective. And we are here to help you do what you know you need to do.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

That's good. Because everything we talking about is so simple.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

And so, and I appreciate you coming up for great topics. I love this one. Uh stop romanticizing the struggle.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Like, I think I got lots.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

You got lots because struggle is not a personality trait.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

It isn't. But a lot of people think and that entrepreneurship has to be difficult. Yeah. That losing weight has to be difficult. How can how can we look that person, him, her day or otherwise, in the eye? It's all hey, it's not, you don't have to struggle.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

I mean, you're right. So many people think that if it's not hard, it's not valuable. And my motto, if it if too much pain, you can't train. So that's what I teach my clients. Like, you I don't want you to be sore for the next 19 months. That is not fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

19 months is wild.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

See the though injury. But think about it, most people's goals, especially if they have real long-term habit setting goals, they're gonna take at least a year. And then you're gonna need another at least, let's call it eight, nine months to make sure that it's sustained.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

You know, and so we're talking about a lifestyle change.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

It has to be a lifestyle change, you know. They hustle cultured us to death. Work, work, work, work out hard. It it doesn't have to be. You'll be surprised. Some of my clients would get the best results, not killing themselves every day.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Just stay consistent.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

I want some of those results.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

You want some? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

So this is an overlap of a lot of things, I believe. I had um a good friend of mine, she used to say, Success comes to me easily. And I was like, Man, you gotta work for success. And she said, think about it. Of all your biggest wins, how hard did you really work? And I was like, dang, I didn't really work that hard. I was consistent, but I didn't work that hard.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

You know, I can relate, like I dancing at Ailey those four years. I did pledge Ailey. It was a task, but it didn't, it wasn't a struggle, it wasn't hard. It was what I was probably put here to do on earth. So my body enjoyed, but it was we were consistent. You danced eight hours a day, five days a week for four years, and then other opportunities came and it didn't feel hard necessarily. Like the value was in the the show up for yourself every day.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

That's it. You have to show up for yourself every day. I believe that's Bruce Hill quote so argue with yourself. Okay, the hardest part, the most difficult part, isn't the work or the goal, it's who you become along the way.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

The journey matters, absolutely, and it took me years to realize that. Like you're hearing it now, and it's a nice little cute little sentence. Um, but it took me years to realize that because perfect example, I I do a talk, it's on YouTube. Um, maybe I'll put a put a note in there. Uh, the questions you don't answer costing you money. And that talk came about from probably four or five years of practice. And there's a line in there I I said on accident one time, and it was the most quoted line. And I said on uh completely uh off the top of my head, I said is it not working or is it not working yet? And it wasn't even the punchline of that particular story, but that's that's the part people remember. So I started saying it all the time. And what I realized that as you do the work, whether it's fitness, entrepreneurship, relationship, you change. And that's where the magic happens.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Yeah, not in a struggle, not in a struggle, because struggle is not proof you're doing it right.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Ooh, you know, it's not proof you're doing it right, elaborate.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

And I use I train using NASM, National Academy of Sportsman, that kind of philosophy, where you get a posture analysis, you take your body fat, it's all real numbers and real measurements, and then it's something that you can grow from. I can train from the elderly to the athlete because it starts off pretty basic. Go to first grade, go to second grade. Then you take a different form of training like CrossFit. Okay. Well, there's their thing is excess. It's like, how many pull-ups can you do? How many of this can you do? And I got so many clients from people tearing their rotator cuffs or blowing out their knees when CrossFit became popular. Circle date myself 2007, eight or so before it even blew up. And that's when I learned like you don't have to work that hard to get results, you don't have to struggle to this and injure yourself. That the proof was actually in the pudding that working harder did not get them better. One, you can't do anything if you hurt. Now you have to take a break. Now you're off for six or seven months. Now what?

SPEAKER_01 5:40

And you might with work, it's gonna cost you money and it's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Yeah, and then you're saying then you're then you are definitely falling in the category of I hate working out people, or I don't like working out.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Well, absolutely, you got all that negative energy and memories about it.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Yeah, yeah. So that that is the number one thing I have to like unwind and tell people's mindset that if they're not running every day, I'm like, I'm 45 years old, I haven't ran since whenever they made us do it in elementary school. Like, you can be fit and not do things they say are super hard, depending on what your goals are and what you're really trying to accomplish and your age and your lifestyle. Like, there's so many other attributes that'll get you there that don't involve struggle.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

Man, that's I hope that is encouraging to someone who thinks it has to be difficult. And and I'll go on, it's it may not be easy, but if you're struggling, we are challenging you to pause and reevaluate, hey, are we doing this the right way, the best way? Um or not.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Yeah, and I think in fitness and in business, you have to have some systems in place so you can reduce the decision fatigue, which then it kind of falls in line, you know. Okay, I did do this, I did do this for this amount of time, I did this, I used my CRM for this amount of time. And like you said, like, is it working? Is it not working or has it not worked yet? And it is just the same thing. Like, no, you're not gonna do abs today and see abs tomorrow. Like, remember the commercial where the guy like gets on the scale and he like runs a place for like five seconds and then he like gets on the scale again.

SPEAKER_01 7:21

But that's how people be.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

That's how people be. That's how they are in business and in workout. It's like that immediate. And that's the other I say, I guess that's the other the other side of the non-struggle. Like, it's also not gonna be that either.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Like, we're not trying to be disillusioned, like, no, no, it's definitely taking some effort um to get to where we are now, some consistency of effort, but the struggle really is a red flag. You're doing the wrong things, or you're doing it the wrong way, or you're trying to rush, and that's where we're challenging you to pause. Um, so what's a green flag? So, what's what's a good signal? Like, man, this is really difficult. Am I approaching struggle mode or is this growth mode? Um, what should some of our listeners listen or look for?

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Um, I would say the first step is to make sure you set some type of visual or number that you know that is your starting point. So that yes, you have your scale, but you also have a visual of yourself. Because after you lose 300 pounds, you may not necessarily see it until you look at a picture. So a lot of people are scared to take a picture. I'm like, take, no, take the picture.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

Take the picture, okay?

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Take the set the set the tone, and then that way you can look at the basic habit that we added to your program and see the difference. Like, oh, I did drink water for 30 days, and wow, I did lose 10 pounds. Something as simple as that. And and it may not have to say showing a scale to say it's five pounds because you lost five pounds of muscle, how fat, and you gained five pounds of muscle. So the scale didn't change, but I bet you if you look at that picture, that's good, you'll see your back, and you're like, Oh, that line is not there anymore.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

That's good. How would that translate for someone who's running a business, right? They're leading a team or even that solopreneur.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Um, I think your motto uh of contacting leads every day.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

And and doing something towards getting new clients, new connection every day, even if it doesn't come from that, well, the universe will send you something else.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

The work always works.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

The work's gonna work. So I think it's the same thing in in business where you can't struggle your way through it. Like you're not gonna be able to sustain 3,000 calls a day, but maybe 100 calls a day. Like, keep it realistic. Like, don't put yourself in a position to fail.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

But that's what people do, right? They're like, I'm gonna get in shape, I'm gonna run a marathon tomorrow, right? They're like, oh man, I want to make $300,000 in my business this year. I'm gonna make 200 dials before lunch. And maybe, maybe they do that first day, first two days. But then what happens? We already said they're gonna get injured, they're gonna get burnt out, you're gonna get frustrated, and then you just quit. Versus go back and listen to the previous episode 16. Um, we talked about breaking things up in small pieces so you can be consistent. We won't rehash that, yeah. But that's what people do, they try and do the whole goal in one setting. Yeah, and that's that's where you start to struggle, and that's where you're likely gonna fail unnecessarily.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Yeah, I mean, you you I'm sure you hear how many times do you hear someone say that they're always tired and they're always busy?

SPEAKER_01 10:43

True, I've said that, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Right, and I and I push back, I try not to say those words out loud, even if I am. I'm like, uh, like as you like you said, why didn't we do it Friday? I was like, I refuse to say because I was tired. Right. Aren't feeling it.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

That's that's a good one. Language is important. Instead of saying, Um, I'm tired, uh say, hey, I just needed some rest, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:05

And he, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

Uh instead of saying, even hey, I'm broke, hey, I'm just working on getting a little extra money, right? Yeah, uh, and try and put it positive.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Yeah, sometimes rest feels unfamiliar and it feels like sabotage, but you need the rest. Sometimes you just need the rest, and that's okay too. That is a pillar. Sleep and recovery is one of HLS's habit pillars. That's part of the formula, it's part of the formula. If you're again, it's the same with the stress from the cortisol, you are stressed if you don't recover and go to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

And that's where for me, I usually try and send about 10 LinkedIn messages a day. And you know, some people see them, some people don't, some people respond, some people don't. That's not my responsibility to try and send 10 a day. And what people have to realize is that 10 messages a day is 70 a week, that's 300 a month. And so being um, what is that 3,650 a year? You're telling me you can't find one client accidentally if you send 3,000 messages, like yeah, and so that's what I'm saying. It's not a struggle. If you want to speed up that timeline, speed up you know the outreach, it's not a struggle to send 10 messages, that'll take you 10 minutes, 15. Maybe you customize, and but the results, that consistency creates a higher level of result, and that's where um we don't want you to reminisce the struggle. Like, oh, I've been I haven't slept in two days, I haven't had a vacation in five years. No, no, I'm doing that.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

But people don't know who they are without the struggle, they don't know who they are without the struggle. I have clients, uh really good client, and she's an aerospace engineer, and you know, she helped Artemis go into the sky. And literally the other day, she's I said she was asking me a question, and I'm like, Well, you're tired because you haven't had a vacation. And I said, When is your next vacation? And she said, 2029.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

Hey yo, I was like, keep in mind we're recording this in 2026.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

This is 2026 in May. 2029 is I said absolutely not. That is unacceptable. I said the retirement's gonna come regardless. I said, you aren't gonna make it there if you wait till 2029 to take a break. And I have to, but these are people need to hear these things. So she took out her notebook and she said, So when do I do it?

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Bless her heart.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Bless her heart. And this is you know, an adult that's almost ready to retire. And she's I, you know, I gave her some parameters. I said, I need a week. I said, It's May, I'm gonna give you till September. One week. I said, working around the labor day, so they're gonna give you that day, you you know, make it a long weekend slack. And then I say, then do it at Christmas, you know. But at the end of the day, I say, you will you will be sick and ill. Like I can see the stress on her face every day. And I'm like, as we try to get her to you know be well and be fit, it's gonna be counterproductive. If you soon as you open your eyeballs, you are looking at your email, looking at the numbers for Artemis, like they can't work you like that.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Well, they they will if you let them, if you let them, and that's where you know, trigger warning and loss, skip ahead about two minutes. I um I lost our son, and I was take I took off work two weeks. And one of the things that made me so sad to realize is I had never taken off more than a week consecutive ever. And I was like, damn, it took a loss to take some time off of work. And um, I I I told myself, hey, I don't learn anything else because nothing good or bad happens at all. It is, and so I said, if I don't learn anything else from this, I'm gonna take time to relax, I'm gonna take time to rest, I'm gonna take time to have fun. And so I went to um I got a speaking engagement, I went to Italy, and uh, we did a tour around the Mediterranean. I was gone for like 10 days, and it was great. And I don't know if I would have gone on that trip. And then um my dad turned 70 and we did a week for his birthday, and I don't know if I would have gone on that trip. Uh, and it was it was a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. We went to uh to England and I I took a couple calls. I did, I think I recorded a podcast. Um I was a guest on that one, but it's so important that you don't win any awards for struggle, no, um you don't get any prizes.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

You don't, and unfortunately, even my mom has said, you know, working in her HR positions, she's like, you know, they wanted me to post that person's job, and they hadn't even had their funeral yet.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

And I said, Now that if you can't take that into a reason why you should take the week, like you are worth it, you are worth it, and your body needs it, your mental health needs it, and these people don't care. And as an entrepreneur, you have to care about yourself because if you don't know, who's gonna who's gonna care, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Well, okay, so counter-argument, but it's just me right now. I'm I'm building, right? I'm I'm in the growth phase. I have to work this much. What do you tell that person?

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Well, I think we led in that with the support. Like, I had to make sure I said I had marketing, be able to set up stuff so information go out when I am off work. The post will still go up, go up. That's in your systems. You have to build that in. You have to you do have to, as a solopreneur, entrepreneur, and yes, it's just you, but you will be better if you take that break. Your business will be better because your mind will be fresh, you will burn out. It's inevitable. It is inevitable if you do not take the break. The universe will make you take the break.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Absolutely. I think what you said is so important, where you know, you the support and the systems, that's where a lot of folks miss. And let's talk to someone, uh, maybe your VP at director level, your lead teams. Um you need support and you need systems. Yes, and you need to learn when to delegate, and this is what we help with, by the way. Just uh Shift's message. And that's where I think a lot of people try and do all the jobs. And I did the math, I think it's between 12 to 14 jobs for running a business. Yeah, you're tired, you are, and that's okay. Okay, but also you need some rest, take the time, that's okay. And that's where you need to start thinking about building a business and not building a job for yourself because the struggles is not cute.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

No, the struggle is not cute.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

I've been there. Um, I didn't take any days off for six months, and I got a lot done, but then I couldn't do anything for six months. I was recovering from running out.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Happens to the best of us, you know. You push it and you push it and you push it, and you look up and you go, Wow, that was not enough rest.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Like oh falling asleep at red lights, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

Yeah, that that fatigue will set in, and you won't you you won't know why because you'll be in it. So that's the hard part. Like you'll be in the hamster wheel, you're so far in. If it starts to feel like that is your normal, and then sometimes you need someone to snatch you off that.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

So, okay, maybe someone's listening to this and like, oh man, am I in the struggle mode? What what do they need to look for?

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Um, the first step is don't normalize it. You know, struggle is not a requirement for success.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Struggles, okay. We're gonna come back to that. All right, what else?

SPEAKER_00 18:49

Yes. Um, sometimes you're not productive, you are exhausted. So take a look at, you know, if you're exhausted all the time, how productive are you really being? Damn, okay, you know, and sometimes the piece may feel unfamiliar starting out, um, but get familiar with it. Like you like we talked about before, like some of this is enjoying the journey. I don't know how you enjoy struggle. I don't enjoy struggle.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

No, some things will take effort, you gotta push yourself, that's where you grow. Yes, but if you're constantly, I like we said, struggle isn't a requirement for success, and then you're not busy, you're exhausted. Um, those are goal. What one more for the one more for the people?

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Um, I would say real wellness and real business should survive real life.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

Like yeah. Real hold on, say that one more time.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Real wellness and real business should survive real life.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

That's good, you know, because that's that's a lot of times, right? Where you say, hey, I want to make a hundred calls uh before noon, and then the car tire goes out. That happened to me last week, right? Um, there's a trip to emergency room for a family that happened to me uh two weeks ago, right? Now all of a sudden the whole plan is gone. Yeah, but because I have it set up small increments that I can do consistently, I didn't uh no, I don't think I missed a single beat. Yeah, and you will from time to time, but having those systems, having that support makes it less often. Yeah, so if struggle isn't a requirement for success, and then I know some folks gonna argue about that one.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Yeah, they are.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

What is a requirement for success? I have my thought, I want to hear yours.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Consistency, consistently that's mine. That's what he has gonna say. It's less it's less glamorous than struggle, but way more effective.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Like, mm-mm, not struggle. I push back against it every day, and with my clients, with with my work, my work ethic, because I you know, I could find myself like I look up and I'm like, Dang, it's midnight. I've been on his computer 12 12 hours. That's not okay, that's not wellness. You're practicing wellness, Tasha. Close the screen, do your digital detox. You gotta talk to yourself, yes, positive self-talk.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

Emphasis on the positive, absolutely. Yeah, and that's good. Yeah, this one's a big one for me because I definitely was working two full-time jobs, going to schools. I I'm talking about struggling and hustling, um, but you don't get as far as you think you do. Yeah, and sometimes you end up at a dead end. So, my my game changer was was the smallest increment I could do today. And um, I was in the second best shape of my life. I used to work out with bodybuilders, and the second best shape of my life was about 10 minutes every day. 10 minutes, and that's easy, it wasn't a struggle. Um, I remember I stopped drinking soda and I think I lost seven pounds in two weeks. I didn't have to do anything extra in my schedule. So I promise you, maybe we need to dive into this again deeper. If you're listening to this, we're giving you permission to rest, and we're reminding you that a struggle is not a requirement for success.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Exactly. All it requires is your consistency, and everything you just said was simplicity, structure, sustainability, and building a life that actually feels good.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

Yeah, so you guys need some support. You need some support, hit us up.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Oh, yeah. But you know, the links in the show notes, schedule your reset call. I want you to just listen to the podcast and then go do the same things you did yesterday. Take that in, watch it change your life, and then tell us the good news, all right? Uh, thanks for tuning in the business custom podcast where we work and health go together.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Yes, see you soon.