Ep. 13 - The Confidence Lie Midlife Women Keep Falling For

Rachel shares a story she almost didn't tell, about a post she almost didn't publish, and the ripple it set off that she never saw coming. This episode is about the difference between confidence and courage, and why waiting to feel ready before you say yes might be the most expensive thing you're doing right now.

Rachel unpacks what her sister's story reveals about every woman who's ever sat with a big opportunity and talked herself out of it before she even started. If you've ever thought, "I just need to feel more confident first," this one is for you.

In this episode:

• Why confidence is not what you need before you say yes, and what actually is
• The difference between wanting more and being ungrateful (they are not the same thing)
• What my sister's story reveals about the thing you might be waiting for right now
• Why you don't have to be in crisis or even unhappy to feel the pull toward something bigger
• Who is waiting on the other side of your courage, and why you can't see them until after

Mentioned in this episode:

• Not Done Yet Session (podcast special, normally $497): rachelaperry.com/podcastspecial

Connect with Rachel:

• Website: rachelaperry.com
• Instagram: @rachelaperry
• TikTok: @rachelaperry

If this episode hit you somewhere real, share it with one woman in your life who needs to hear it. She's not done yet either.

Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.

www.rachelaperry.com/spark 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Welcome to Not Done Yet, the podcast for midlife women who know deep down their story isn't finished. I'm your host, Rachel Perry, and here we're going to talk about what's really happening in this season of life: the identity shifts, the quiet questions, the courage it takes to listen to yourself again, what it actually looks like to step into what's next, and why our boobs are hitting our knees. If you've ever looked at your life and thought, wait, is this it? Girl, you're in the right place. Because midlife isn't the end of your story. It's the moment you start paying attention to it. So take a breath and let's talk about what's really going on and what you want to do with it. Because, sister, you are not done yet. Hello, my friends.

Welcome To Not Done Yet

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Welcome back to it. Did that sound weird? I feel like that was weird. Like the tone of voice was just insane. Anyway, hi, hey girl, hey, welcome back to another episode of Not Done Yet. I am so thankful that you are here. How are you? How has your week been so far? You guys, last week was a big week for me. I it was a big week. Okay. So I shared something on Instagram pretty much, I think I shared it everywhere, but I shared it on Insta on Instagram and Facebook. And it was a post that I had really not wanted to share because I thought I was, I didn't want it to come across as bragging. So basically what happened

A Scary Post And Small Wins

SPEAKER_00 2:36

is I shared this post that said do it scared. And you know what? I'll link it in the show notes. But basically, do it scared. And then I just talked about how I have been trying a lot of new things and I didn't know if any of them would work, but I've been doing it anyway for the past couple of months. And I've been sort of documenting it here. And I shared it and I talked about how I'd had these notifications that I'd reached a certain number of views on YouTube, a hundred subscribers on Substack, and my podcast. Thank you, by the way. It reached like 750 downloads. And while that might not sound like a lot, it's a lot to me because I just, it means so much to me. This was such a leap of faith to start this podcast. And I did it. And here we are. And I just felt really proud of myself because I tried all these things and I got all these numbers that represented to me that I did it. You know, like keep going, right? Do it scared. And I read and my sister reached out to me the next day after I shared it. And she said, Oh my gosh, Rachel, thank you so much for sharing that. And I was like, Of course. Now, my sister is five years younger than me. She's the most amazing human. She's so incredible, so smart, so independent. She's never needed my help. And you know, like as a big sister, you're like, everyone needs me. My little sister needs no. Lindsay never needed me. Okay. And I wanted her to need me, but she didn't. So I poured it all into my brother, poor, my poor brother. But anyway, she texted me after I shared that and she said, Rachel, oh my gosh, thank you so much for sharing this. I needed to see it.

How One Post Sparked A Yes

SPEAKER_00 4:23

And I was like, what? Tell me, tell me more. And she said that she'd been offered a new role at her company. She'd actually been encouraged to interview at this company, the same company she's with, she's in healthcare, but she'd been encouraged to interview for a position that she felt like she did not have the qualifications for. When I tell you my sister is amazing, y'all, she's like that person who just, you know, you have those people and you're like, you're just good at everything. That's Lindsay. And not in a bad way. And so this was a huge opportunity for her, but a big, big step. I think she would be managing like 90 clinics, okay? Or maybe not managing, but I think so. Anyway, I don't know the details. She lives in Charlotte. And she had said that she saw my post, the do-it scared, when she was kind of thinking about it. And she interviewed with them. Anyway, she had just shared with her soccer mom friends at practice. Gosh, I wish I had the confidence to do this. And then she saw the post and she was like, Oh my gosh, Rachel. She got offered the job. She ended up taking it. But what I think was so powerful for me is that she was sharing with her friends that she didn't think that she was ready, which to me, in my eyes, I'm like, what? Do you ever feel that way? Like, what? You're so amazing. But when she saw the post, she saw that what I was saying, she said, okay, so let me tell you what she said. She basically said, Today I accepted a new role that I was asked to consider it and interviewed for, but was am so nervous to take it on. And then she told me what it was about. She's like, I don't necessarily have the experience, but your post shared, like reminded me that confidence comes after the action, not before. Because that's what I was saying. I'm like, I didn't have any sort of confidence knowing that any of this would work. I put this podcast out there hoping that y'all would like it, hoping that it would reach someone. I started Substack in the hopes that that would be a great place to connect with people. Do you guys remember? I talked about Substack and I said, I have, I'm doing, you know, it's like a membership, and you can join. You can either get the free version or you could not of Substack, but of my of my program, or you can pay $33 a month. I'm not even doing that anymore because that flopped. It didn't feel good to me. I had one person join and then I was like, wait, this this feels heavy. Like, this doesn't feel right. So I was like, sister, listen, I will refund you or I will gift you a not done yet session. Which one would you prefer? And she wanted a not done yet session. So that's what we're doing. But my point is I've tried a lot of things. And some things are working, but some are not. And I hadn't, I didn't have confidence that any of them would work. I just took action. And so I shared the story of my sister doing this. And you guys, like when I tell you that I like wept, I'm not exaggerating. Okay, I didn't sit there and sob, but I was really moved by the fact that what I had shared helped my sister of all people. Because when I say that she's the most capable person in the world, she truly is. Okay, I might be a little biased, but you get the idea. She's just one of those people, right? Where who you give a task to and she like nails it and takes it to the next level. And so for her to say your post, that post reminded me that confidence comes after action, not before, was very moving to me. I said to my husband, I was like, oh my gosh, Mark, I helped Lindsay. I never helped Lindsay, but I'm sharing this, not to pat myself on the back. But I had another revelation with this because what I also said to her in my text was, I almost didn't share this post. And she was like, Well, I'm certainly glad that you did. But I was scared to share that post. I mean, I was afraid that number one, I would be sharing these numbers and people would be like, that's nothing to write home about. Because I know, right? It's not these insane viral numbers, but it it it they were numbers that were important to me. The other side of things was like, well, is that does that sound like I'm bragging? But I did it anyway. I shared it anyway. And as a result, my sister saw it and said yes to this new job. So it wasn't just her doing the scary thing, it was me doing the scary thing too. And I didn't even realize it. Right? I had no idea that she was sitting with her friends that night wishing that she felt more confident. I had no idea what she was carrying when she saw what I shared. I just knew I had something to say. And I almost let fear make the decision for me. And the reason I'm sharing that with you is because I hope I can put it into words, but you have no idea who's waiting on the other side of your courage. So my sister was the one waiting on the other side of mine. And hopefully there were other women who were inspired as well. But I almost didn't show up for her, right? Because I was scared to post. I didn't realize I was showing up for her. And now someone is waiting on the other side of her scary thing because she took that role. She's gonna walk into those 90 clinics and lead differently. She's gonna show up for her team differently. She's gonna impact people she hasn't even met yet because she said yes. And she said yes because I posted and I almost didn't post. And actually, no, that's not why she said yes. Let's not give myself that amount of credit. But my point is it inspired her and encouraged her, and she took it as a sign to say yes, right? That's to chain reaction, but let's not call it a chain reaction, let's call it like chain of courage, okay? It started with one woman deciding to do the scary thing even when she wasn't sure. And it rippled out in ways that neither of us could have predicted or planned for, because that's what courage does. It doesn't just change your life, it changes the lives of people you can't even see yet. And the only thing that almost stopped that whole chain was fear. My fear of sharing a post. Don't let fear make the decision because you you really have absolutely no idea who is waiting on the other side of your guests. So let's kind of backtrack a little bit. My sister has no idea this this episode is about her. I hope she's okay with it. Oh well. But she's actually, I want her to come on to this podcast because I think it would be fun to have just a conversation about midlife and what the hell this craziness is, right? But let's think about what she was waiting for before she saw my post. Because I think that's exactly what you might be waiting for too. She wasn't waiting for the right opportunity. She already had it. She wasn't waiting to want it more because she wanted it. She wasn't waiting for more information. She'd already been interviewed. She was waiting to feel confident. Waiting for that confidence to appear.

Courage Beats Confidence Every Time

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Right. She was sitting here with her friends, being like, gosh, I just wish I had more confidence to accept this. Does that sound familiar at all? And okay, those might not be the exact words that you are using. For you, it might sound like I could never do that, or maybe when I feel more ready, or maybe when there's better time, or she can do it because she has experience, but I don't have what she has. Or I just need a little bit more time, or I'm not sure I'm the right person for this. Y'all, those excuses come up in many different forms. Like I can't give you an exhaustive list, but the thing is, is it's not a confidence problem, it's a courage problem. And the difference really does matter so much because confidence says, I know this is gonna work. And courage says, I have absolutely no clue if this is gonna work, but I'm doing it anyway. My sister didn't feel confident when she said yes. She said yes. Well, she said it herself. She was so nervous because she'd never taken a risk this size at work because she doesn't have operations experience, but she has courage. Not necessarily confidence, although I see her as this amazing, confident human who I'm like, can't believe she's my little sister. But that confidence, y'all, it comes later. I have zero doubt about that. But it's coming after it always comes after. That's how it works. It can only come after because confidence is built from evidence. And the only way to get the evidence is to step out, take that leap. And I do feel committed. I am committing to doing that so that you can see that you can take courage too. And when it when if it doesn't work, doesn't mean it's a failure. It just means you're trying something new. I should make a I should share all the things that I have tried in the past two and a half months and which ones haven't worked. The majority of them have not worked. The the paid subscription in Substack didn't work. Uh, the knowing, I put together that program called the Knowing, that wasn't the right time. I that's not going anywhere. It's gonna come back, but I don't think now's the right time. Um, I know there are other things that I've tried. I just can't think of it right now, and you don't need to sit and listen to me um, um, um, um, right? Like you don't need that no, but there are a lot. And the thing is, is we don't, we don't remember them sometimes, and that's okay because we're just doing it scared, right? And I want to name something else about Lindsay's story because I think it's really important and I don't want to skip past it. She was not unhappy. She's she wasn't lost, she wasn't in crisis, right? She wasn't having a breakdown or a midlife moment or like deeply searching for meaning in her life. No, she loved her team, she she enjoyed, I don't know if she loved her job, but but it wasn't, she wasn't unhappy, right? She'd built something really, really good, but she still wanted more. And she still almost talked herself out of it, not because she was ungrateful, not because something was wrong, but because she didn't know if she was equipped for it. Because when we step into something bigger, we don't have or feel like we have the skills for,

Wanting More Without A Crisis

SPEAKER_00 14:47

it's scary. A F, right? And she was waiting to feel prepared and ready and confident before she said yes. And I think that's so many of us. You don't have to be unhappy. You don't have to be so unhappy that you are feeling the pull towards something else because you just can't handle where you are. It you don't have to be in a near crisis to feel that nudge. You don't have to have it all fall apart before you're allowed to want something different or bigger or or more aligned. You can love your life the way it is now or be content with your life the way it is now and still want more. And those two things are not in conflict. They never were. The wanting more doesn't mean that you're ungrateful for what you have. It doesn't mean that you're being selfish, it doesn't mean that something is wrong with you or your life. It just means that something is calling to you and it's okay to answer. So I I want to ask you something before we wrap up today. What is the thing that you need courage for? What is let's, I mean, let me list some things. It could be a post that you keep almost sharing, it could be a conversation that you keep almost having, it could be a role that you want to say yes to. It could be a business that you want to start, it could be a book that you want to write, could be a step that you want to take. Who is waiting on the other side of that? You don't know. You can't know. That's the thing about courage. You never get to see who's on the other side or what's on the other side of it before you do. You only find out after. But but someone, I'm gonna say this, I think

Who Needs Your Brave Step

SPEAKER_00 16:30

someone is there on the other side of your courage. Maybe it's a woman you've never met who needs to hear exactly what you have to say. Maybe it's your daughter watching you decide whether you're allowed to take up space. Oh my gosh. That just made me really emotional. Like learning from what you do right now, what she's allowed to do someday. Maybe it's a colleague who needs to see you say yes so she knows she can too. Maybe it's your sister, maybe it's your mom, maybe it's your neighbor, maybe it's someone who doesn't, you don't even know. You have no idea that she's there. And the only thing standing between her and what she needs is you doing the scary thing. That just gave me some chills. Y'all, I almost didn't share that post. My sister almost didn't take the role, but we both did the scary thing anyway, and we had no idea what was waiting on the other side. And that's how it always works. There is something that you are looking for. There is something that you are wanting the courage for. If you ever say things like, I could never do that, y'all. That's a lie you're telling yourself. That's that is a straight up lie. And do not be lying to yourself, sister. Do you know what I'm saying? Do not even be lying. Because you can do it. Is it gonna be pretty? Y'all, no. Okay. The things I'm doing, I am falling flat on my face in front of all of you guys. And I could question everything that I'm doing, and and sometimes I do. Sometimes I get a little bit insecure about it. But then I hear from you. You know, I went out with a couple of friends a couple of weeks ago, and they were saying, keep going, keep going, keep doing this. I didn't realize I needed to hear that until I heard it. So this is your this, I'm gonna be Cindy for you. Okay. Keep going. You can do this. The world needs what you want to do. Like, we need to see what happens when you take that step. There is someone out there or something out there. We don't know what it is on the other side. You won't, you won't know until after. Okay. So, with this in this next week, I just want you to think about like what is the thing that you keep almost doing, or what is it that you are kind of trying to push away, you need the courage to do, but you just don't know. What is that? And maybe you need a not done yet session. And I've talked about those before, and and you guys get a very special deal. I don't know how long I'm gonna be doing this for, but it's called the podcast special. Just go to rachelaperry.com forward slash podcast special. You get a $200 credit for the not done yet sessions. They're normally $497. You can get one for $297. It's basically 90 minutes of you and me chatting, you sharing about what that thing is that you need or want courage for, right? Or maybe you don't know what it is, but you know that there's something. We're gonna figure it out. We will uncover it. And then we you will take that first step. Okay. Because here's the thing there is there is so much impact that you can make just from saying yes. And I

The Not Done Yet Session Offer

SPEAKER_00 19:42

think you know what you want to say yes to. You've known it for a while. You've just been either waiting to feel ready first, maybe have the confidence, whatever it is. You don't need to feel ready though. Okay. You just have to do it. You just have to do the dang thing. Let's let's do the scary stuff together. Like let's, I just had this image of all of us on a cliff. This could be disturbing, but we're we're taking that leap. We're taking that step off that cliff together. We're all holding hands and we're doing it together because this is what we're creating here. We're creating this community. Don't worry, there's a net. The net is going to appear. We're not jumping to our deaths. That would be a depressing podcast. Do you know what I'm saying? That would be a depressing, like, we're not doing that, sister. The net will appear. Okay. We're just being courageous and we're doing it together. We're locking arms, we're doing this together. You guys, listen, I hope that this resonated with you. Thank you to my sister for letting me share this, even though she didn't know that I was sharing it. Um, and listen, if this resonated with you today or you just really enjoyed it, share this with another midlife woman who needs to realize that she too is not done yet. And for those of you who have shared this, thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm indebted to you. For those of you who have left me a review, I am indebted to you. I am so, this is such a passion for me, this this podcast, a passion project. And I couldn't do it without you. So thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'll be back here next for another episode. You know what, girl, I love your face. Until then, take care, my beautiful guys.