Not Done Yet: A Podcast for Midlife Women
Not Done Yet is a podcast for midlife women who know their story isn’t finished. Through honest conversations about reinvention, purpose, and courage, this show will remind you that the life you’ve lived might be the very thing that leads you into what’s next.
Not Done Yet: A Podcast for Midlife Women
Ep. 14 - What Midlife Women Aren't Saying (And Why We Stay Silent) with Katie Pulsifer
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Rachel sits down with master certified life coach Katie Pulsifer for a conversation about the thing most midlife women never say out loud: that the life that looks fine from the outside doesn't always feel fine on the inside. They get into the silence, the guilt, the hollow spaces, and what actually becomes possible when you stop filling them with yes.
In this episode:
- The basement stairs moment: what it looks like to stand at the threshold of a gorgeous-looking life and still not want to walk back in
- What Katie listens for that women aren't saying, and why so many women have never told anyone the truth
- Why guilt isn't something that happens to you, it's something you subscribe to (and what you get from staying subscribed)
- The brain's actual job when you try to change your life, and why it's working against you on purpose
- What fills the hollow spaces once you stop saying yes to everything
Mentioned in this episode:
- Katie Pulsifer: katiepulsifercoaching.com
- Katie's Get Unstuck Quiz (on her homepage): personalized voice memo response from Katie
- Katie's Substack: You Are Golden
Connect with Rachel:
- Website: rachelaperry.com
- Instagram: @rachelaperry
- TikTok: @rachelaperry
If this one hit home, send it to a woman in your life who needs to hear it. She's not done yet either.
Ready to stop circling the thing you can't stop thinking about? Take the free Not Done Yet Spark and discover your next step.
www.rachelaperry.com/spark
Midlife Is Not The End
SPEAKER_00Welcome to Not Done Yet, the podcast for midlife women who know deep down their story isn't finished. I'm your host, Rachel Perry, and here we're going to talk about what's really happening in this season of life: the identity shifts, quiet questions, the courage it takes to listen to yourself again, what it actually looks like to step into what's next, and why our boobs are hitting our needs. If you've ever looked at your life and thought, wait, is this it? Girl, you're in the right place. Because midlife isn't the end of your story, it's the moment you start paying attention to it. So take a breath and let's talk about what's really going on and what you want to do with it. Because, sister, you are not done yet.
Meeting Katie And Her Work
SPEAKER_00Hello, my friends. Welcome back to another episode of Not Done Yet. We are in for a treat today, my friends, because I have a new friend here. And you know what? I didn't even double check that I'm gonna say your name right. Katie Pulsifer. Did I say it right? Perfect. I always mistake, I'm like, oh man, like if I can butcher a name, you know, if it can be butchered, it will be butchered by me. But I'm so glad I didn't butcher your name, Katie. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. I've been so excited. You guys, we are in for a treat. Katie, I don't even know how we found each other, truly, but this as I was prepping for this podcast, I fell in love with Katie, just as you guys are gonna do. So, hello, welcome to the show, Katie. Thank you. I think the universe hooked us up here. I do too. I do too. I do too, sister. We are gonna have fun with this. So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna read your bio just because you wrote it so beautifully and it's covers so much more. And then we'll just dive into the questions. So, you guys, Katie is a master certified life coach, creator of the golden coaching certification, and a trusted guide for women who've outgrown the lives they spent years building. Oh my gosh, if this isn't speaking to us, with over 13 years of experience and five years as an executive leader at the Life Coach School. If those of you like any of you know the about the Life Coach School, I mean, hey, Katie has trained thousands of coaches and supported countless clients with her heart-led approach rooted in excellence, integrity, and meaningful results. She's known for her blend of warmth. Definitely, you guys. Like if you go to her substack, it's definitely, and just your, you're, I can just feel you this warm energy. Precision and deep compassion. Katie helps high-achieving women move from overstretched and unfulfilled to grounded, clear, and purpose-filled. Yes, please. Whether they're launching something new, stepping back to recalibrate or redefine success on their own terms, Katie coaches women ready to create lives they genuinely love. Tell me she's not a perfect fit for not done yet. Like, could this be any more of a perfect fit? No, in fact, it could not. So, hello. Welcome to the show. I feel like I'm really excited, and it might be a little overwhelming, and I'm gonna bring it down a little bit. We're gonna bring it down a little bit, but I'm just so excited to have you here.
SPEAKER_03Well, I am thrilled to be here and have a conversation with you because your energy is really contagious and it's fun to listen to you and um yeah, just wherever this conversation goes, I know it'll be meaningful for all of us.
SPEAKER_00Agreed. Agreed, and that's exactly so you know, but but I have this passion for women in midlife because I feel that if all of us recognized that we're not done yet, that that there is more for us, and whatever that more is, it doesn't mean necessarily having to step into something big and new, but just stepping into what we are meant to do, like the next version of ourselves. Can you imagine what this world would be like? Because let's be real, women are amazing. You know what I'm saying? And midlife women, we know what it's all about, you know? Yeah, we do. But let's let's let's talk about you and not me. Um, so in your Substack, and guys, you have heard me talk about Substack and how I'm falling in love with it. You have to go and find Katie over there because it's beautiful. It's beautiful the things that you write about. But you just I kind of want to go back in time a little bit.
The Basement Stairs Smile
SPEAKER_00Um, and there's, I think it was a note, but it may also have been an article, but you talked about 15 years ago. And you talked about kind of pausing at the top of the basement stairs, mustering a smile before walking back in. What was happening inside you at that moment?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So I was writing an article that I publish every week, and I had previous to that, I had just had this flash of me with my hand on the doorknob, carrying the basket of laundry, and just like put that smile on before you open the door and re-enter what was this gorgeous looking life. And I was like, oh, but I don't want to be here, you know, and it was it makes me a bit teary to think about because I was so like flat and hollowed out inside and so unfulfilled, and yet if you looked everywhere, it was like spouse, child, nice car, corporate job, travel to Asia every month, um, a closet full of gorgeous clothes, lots of friends. And I was like, I am so confused. I am so confused. How can all of that exist out there on the other side of this door? And yet I feel this way on the inside. And I I didn't have any of those words for it then. That was pre-coaching. Right. So confused was probably the biggest thing I was feeling because it was like I I think I got sold the wrong bill of goods because I bought all of this. Right. But this doesn't feel like these don't match these two things, my experience and what this life looks like.
SPEAKER_00Right. Oh gosh. And and it's so true. I think there's almost this, I don't know if it was guilt, but sometimes I think we do, we have everything. We've we or at least it looks like we have everything, right? On the outside. And we're in these roles and these identities for so long. And then all of a sudden it's like, we whoa, like what? And so I think that's so relatable. And when I read that, I was like, oh my gosh, yes. I think we've all had a moment like that, or at least can imagine what it feels like. Maybe we're going through it and don't, like you said, don't have the words, but I think that that's that's not abnormal.
What Women Are Not Saying
SPEAKER_00So you write about listening for what women aren't saying. What's the thing that midlife women sort of that they leave out the most from this like polished? Because you know, we talk about how you just were talking about how it looks like from the outside. It looks everything looks like you have all the things, but there are things we aren't saying. And some of us don't have the language for that. What are those things?
SPEAKER_03Well, I think not too dissimilar from my experience, and this is what a lot of my clients bring forth, not immediately. So that's what I'm always listening for is like what's not being said? What's how is their posture or how are how is their silence actually telling me so much? But usually it's a sense of longing, um, a sense of unmet expectations, or even a sense of like what they're saying all the right words, but the words aren't connected to like even their own true sense of what they want. You can you can just sense that because I mean, especially with one-on-one coaching, I am just like in the zone watching every little movement, um, listening for tone change and body language shifts and things like that. And it's it reveals so much. So there's often a sense that, well, am I even allowed to tell the truth? Yes. Am I allowed to be honest? Am I allowed to name my discontent? What will they think? How will I be judged? Um so trying to, and no woman needs permission to ever tell the truth. Never. I'm not saying that, but trying to create a little bit of um safety to say, you can say what you want to say here. Right. Sometimes I am the only person that has ever heard the truth, which is heartbreaking to me. Um, but often what's not spoken is longing, unmet expectations, that disconnect I describe between it looking one way but feeling another and not having words to be able to name that.
SPEAKER_00So yeah. That's and what you said about the permission piece, actually, I've been, I feel like that word just keeps coming up. And I wrote an article on it. I've even done episodes on it because we think, at least I did, and I know that I'm not alone in this, we think that we need other, we don't trust ourselves enough to step into what we want, right? Like we've we've sat in so many roles and identities as you know, from our 20s, 30s, 40s, that now it's our turn. And it's kind of like, wait, wait, can I feel this way? Am I allowed to feel this way? So, what do you say to
Naming Discontent Without Shame
SPEAKER_00those women? I and I realize these are clients and things like that, but for the woman who is listening now, who was like, oh my gosh, yeah, that's how I feel. What can she do? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Well, I first want to say it's not your fault. Anything that you are feeling is not your fault. We are not socialized to trust ourselves. We are socialized to make sure that everyone else is taken care of, that everyone else's needs are met. So there is there is a lot at work in the forces that um the cultures that we have been raised in, and the way we have been socialized, and the way our mothers did the best they could, and their mothers did the best they could, that anything that you and I are talking about is not a woman's fault. So, which is really hard to wrap your brain around when you maybe haven't seen anyone come before you that hasn't done exactly what you're doing, which is silence her needs or prioritize others. So nothing is wrong, you haven't done anything wrong, and it's all about finding a soft landing spot and that may be a best friend, that might be a therapist, that might be a coach, that might be a blank page in a journal to begin to articulate what is my experience, what am I, what am I feeling at this moment in my life? And is this what I want? So the first thing is to name it without making yourself wrong to the best of your ability. Right. And to just bring awareness to your experience, because without that awareness, it's hard to know what to do next. So that's always the step that I recommend for anyone that's taking this up in the beginning, is to just try and put some language to it if possible, try and articulate it in a in a in a place in an environment that would feel safe and receiving of it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because I think also as you were talking, it there's shame to it as well, I think, you know, to some degree, because it's almost like, why am I am I ungrateful? Like, why am I feeling this way? But it's normal and it's okay. Absolutely. Absolutely.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03But that's also messaging that we've been um handed over and over and over again that if you are dissatisfied, that means you are complaining, not grateful, nothing's ever good enough for you, you want too much, you take up too much space, you're too loud, too. All of that is messaging that supports us staying in the very roles that we've grown up in and the roles that we are like you know, outgrowing. So true. You know, so we're we're trying to override generations of socialization, which is really, really challenging. Umstream. Exactly, exactly. So and if you at least see it for what it is, then it's like, oh, okay, this isn't a me problem. Yes. This is like all women are coming up against this in some way, shape, or form.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Which is why you are exactly, which is why we do what we do. Yes. Because this is what is just I get so excited about because there it is changing the narrative. We're changing the narrative one person at a time. And I just think there's so much power. We have so much to offer as women. Um, and it's not just like, okay, like shelve us until we have grandkids. Like, there is so much more to what we have to offer.
The Guilt Reflex And Mom Guilt
SPEAKER_00You have talked about the guilt club, if you will. Um, you know, women who lead with guilt before they even finish asking for what they want. Where does that reflex come from and how does a woman start to catch it?
SPEAKER_03Well, it ties so beautifully to what we've been talking talking about. So if you've been told that um, you know, which is all well-intended messages, just be grateful for what you have, or you have more than most, or there's so much suffering in the world, all of which is true and horrific. And we want to have feelings about that. So I'm not saying we don't. We want to have empathy and feelings for those who are less fortunate than us. And if we're able to help, we certainly, I feel like we should. Not everybody agrees, but I feel like we should. But to use you should to use that as a um, I would even say like a muzzle or a silencing tool, like wanting more makes you selfish or want wanting a bigger vision for your life, wanting to have a greater impact, wanting to have more money, wanting whatever it is that you want is somehow wrong. It's quite easy to have have it get labeled as selfish or and then we feel guilty for that. So it's this cycle that we not because it's our fault, but we end up perpetuating that keeps like shutting down our own dreams. Like I want it, but I can't have it because I already have so much. I feel guilty asking, you know, so we shut it back down again. So we get really used to not going after things that matter to us.
SPEAKER_00You know, it this reminds me, I just thought of this. Uh, my sister, she has she's younger than me, she's five years younger than me, and she has younger kids. And I remember having a conversation with her a couple of years ago, and she said, Oh, I don't have mom guilt. And I said, What? How you don't have mom guilt? How do you not have mom guilt? She was like, I just don't subscribe to that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, I'm because she works full-time, she's very successful in her job. Um, and I used to be a teacher, chose to stay home with my kids, and then built businesses from home. So, but everything I did or didn't do, I would feel this tremendous amount of guilt. And she was like, No, I just don't subscribe to it. And I at first I thought, okay, that's an option. You could, yeah. I is it an option, but before even that, I think I was like, well, then you must not be a good mom. Not that I didn't, I didn't actually think that, but like, oh, well, must be nice. And immediately then I thought, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like I started looking at myself and I was like trying to be really introspective. And I realized I'm choosing the guilt, number one. Yeah. And I'm wearing the guilt like it's a badge of honor.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Because when I thought about letting go of the guilt, I was like, whoa, I don't know if I can do that. I don't know. Because it's almost like not that I'm a martyr, but I do think that there is like some that level of almost like, yeah, I'm gonna just embrace it because I I know this and I know how it feels, and it feels good, and it just means I'm a good mom because I always feel guilty about it. And that's so not true. Not true at all.
SPEAKER_03I love that your sister challenged your thinking with that. But it's amazing how many things like that we just pick up because it's like drinking water and breathing air. It's like, oh, that's what you do when you become a mother. And the fact that mom guilt isn't a thing that exists in the world. It's something that we choose to subscribe to or not with our thinking, and that you can begin to be a person that doesn't subscribe to it when you change your thinking. Yeah, I'm very much like your sister. I didn't subscribe to it at all. I didn't know why back then. Right. Um, but yeah, I was just like, oh, that is not for me. I don't want to spend my entire life feeling miserable when I want to go to work and I want to be a mom.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and you can do both. And I think there's there's there's so much rhetoric around like, you know, who we're supposed to be as moms. And I thankfully it's better now-ish. But but I think there's it is a choice. It is a choice, and we don't have to, and I think as far as the shame goes, that that so many of us do feel when we realize, wait, my kids are growing up, or maybe you didn't have kids, and you're like, okay, what's next? We got if we feel any sort of shame around that, we've got to name that shame because it takes away the power, right? Like get that, get that out. Oh, it just yes, and yeah, and my sister is like, I did not think she was a bad mom, but I just remember being like, what you can do that? Like, how? So, and then we do, we carry it with us. Now I don't have guilt necessarily about being a things I do as a mom, but it's easy to bring that guilt into other things, like right, right.
SPEAKER_03Because we get something from it. I mean, the only reason we do 100% is because we get something from it, and so that's I mean, that it's so fun to work through that, even with clients. It's like to really talk about it. It's like, who do you get to be when you inhabit the guilty mom persona? Like, what do you get from it? What is it costing you? Who would you be without the guilt? What could your life be like? You know, if you chose to never feel guilty and just believed in your heart that you were an amazing mother, you know, it's like, how would life change for you? What would your children see in you? It's like we just open up so much possibility instead of here's the prescription, this is what you do when you become a mom and you work, you adopt this um guilt, you know, persona. Yes, and that's just the only way to do it. And it's like, yeah, no, we're gonna rip all that up, we're gonna throw it all out, challenge everything.
SPEAKER_00Because we are doing the best that we can, you know, like we are we are doing the best that we can, and we need to give ourselves so much grace, and that's an everything. Like we and I do think that there's such a dialogue or uh beliefs, or it's cultural in that, you know, as women, we have a purpose, and that's to be at home. And and I know that that's things are different now, but it does still feel that way sometimes, you know, like the just the expectations of women in midlife, like, well, you've done the best that you can, and great. And I just really think this is the stage of life where so much magic happens. Oh, yeah. It's it's magical, it's really magical.
Filling Hollow Spaces With No
SPEAKER_00So you talk about hollow spaces, right? Like once a woman um like you talk about what what is actually in those hollow spaces once a woman starts filling them. Well, tell us about what the hollow spaces are, and then what what does it actually look like when someone stops going? Tell us what the hollow spaces are first.
SPEAKER_03Well, I think those are all the little spaces within us where we give ourselves away. It's like, yep, I'm willing to be exhausted, you know, and just accept exhaustion. I'm willing to just always be busy. I'm willing to, you know, sign up and sign up and say yes. For everything and contort myself into a person that shows up at three different places at the exact same time with three different things that were asked of me. It's like, what is the insane? You know, because we're so worried often about what people will think of us. We don't want to let anyone down. We don't want anyone to say anything bad about us, you know. Yeah. And it's like, oh, what is what is that carving out of you? How is that like actually taking from you every time that you say yes when you actually don't want to be there, when it's physically impossible to make it all happen, but you magically make it work anyway, when you never stop to question what I'm what do I want or what am I getting from this experience? So I think that creates a hollowness. And then it's so fun to think about how to fill those hollow spaces back in with very different things, more discernment, more being more selective and protective of ourselves. Yes. Yes. And um claiming our time, our resources, our energy back.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's amazing.
SPEAKER_00And that's so powerful because, first of all, nobody needs permission to do this, but you do have permission to do that. You have permission to say no, you have permission to not fill those spaces with all like going through the motions, doing all the things that that we think that we should do, all the shoulds, right? You don't have to. And so, like you said, that's where the magic is. When we allow ourselves to, I was talking to a friend yesterday actually, just about how I've shifted in my business and and who I'm serving now and where I'm and and I said, you know, starting and ultimately I am starting a new business. And I said, it's challenging. It's it's challenging anytime you start a new business. It's it's challenging when you start shifting your messaging, all of the things. And she was like, Oh, I'm sorry, it's so hard. And I was like, No, it's the most aligned I have ever felt in business, ever. Even when I was a teacher in my 20s, I feel so passionate about this message and speaking to women in midlife. And it is challenging, but I'm choosing to fill those spaces with something that lights me up, that gets me so excited. And it doesn't matter when it's hard or it's difficult because if you're doing what really lights you up where you are meant to be, it doesn't matter. And going through the motions, filling up those hollow spaces, saying yes to all the things, it's not fulfilling.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's just a different kind of hard.
Your Brain Wants Familiar Safety
SPEAKER_03And I'm so glad that you brought it up because often the reason we don't make changes is not because we're not capable, but because we don't understand our brain's wiring, and our brain's wiring is to protect what's known, and because that means safety. So the brain is always arguing, keep your life looking exactly the same. The brain doesn't like effort, your the brain, your brain doesn't care about your happiness or your fulfillment. It's like, I just want Wednesday to look like Tuesday and to look like last month and last year. So when we buy into that, we forget how hard that actually is. It's easy because it's known, but it's hard if it's fueled by unfulfillment, dissatisfaction, aching, um, longing, um, just generally not being happy that there's like like pain underneath all of that. But what our brain does is it thinks, well, the pain to do the hard thing, start your new business, that's gonna be so hard. And it's it's hard, but it's different hard. It's like good hard, it's change hard. Yes. And we have to sell our brains on that. We have to, it's like, oh, I am all in on that kind of discomfort versus this kind of settling discomfort of keeping my life exactly the same.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And when people do that, because you you you've seen this, I know, and I share this a lot. When you do something scary, that's part of the reason I am committing to trying different things, because I I want to do it publicly so that other women can see you can do it and be okay. Yeah, because I'm terrified much of the time. Oh, I'm terrified. But I'm doing it. And so, but when we start something new, or for example, like looking back when the when these women are saying, Okay, but let me admit to you what I really want, and I'm scared and I feel guilty or ashamed about that, or I haven't said this out loud. Ultimately, when they take that step, negative thoughts start like bombarding, right? To keep you safe. Of course, of course, of course. Yeah. And so to expect that. What do you what do you how do you encourage women around that? Because that is what happens. When anytime you get uncomfortable, like you said, we're uh it's trying to keep us safe.
SPEAKER_03Yes. I mean, we have to understand the brains that are in these bodies of ours. I mean, and most of us unfortunately don't. We're not taught this in school, and we don't have a lot of conversations around this in regular life. So these brains that have enabled our species to evolve are extraordinary things, you know, absolutely extraordinary. You and I are here doing this because we have these human brains. And these human brains are always scanning for danger. Back in the day, it was whatever huge animal wanted to feast on us for dinner. Now it's don't put that post on social media. What if no one likes it? And the brain thinks that that post on social media that gets zero likes and being eaten by a wild animal are exactly the same thing, same level of fear. And when we understand, oh, this is what my brain does. This is my brain trying to protect me, this is my brain trying to keep me safe, not to have me take any risks, but everything I want is on the other side of those small, courageous actions. And you were just talking about this in one of your recent podcasts. It's like everything I want is right on the other side. I just have to move through the uncomfortable, scary part and tell my brain, and I teach my clients this. I am safe. I don't know what's gonna happen when I make this post, but I am safe. I am safe. I create safety in my body, I can regulate my nervous system, I can breathe, ground, do whatever I need to do to tell my brain we are gonna be okay because I want this thing. You know, it's worth going for.
SPEAKER_00So know that, guys. You know, when when you start to step into something new, or you start listening to yourself and you think, okay, this is what's next, because you know what you want. I would I would venture to say, you know what you want, whatever that may be. Yes. And and you know, you're just covering it up. And for the longest time, I did too, and I've shared this before, just that I I knew what I wanted. And I always, I always, when I talk about it, I always imagine it like up and above me in the like to my left. But it was because it was there. And I I I remember saying to a coach or someone like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. If that, you know, I what I really want to do is this. But and they were like, Well, why don't you? And it was at that moment that I realized I was keeping my possibility there because it was safe, because I was like, okay, well, if this doesn't work, then I can I always have this to fall back on. And the moment you pull that in and you say, This is what I want, it's scary because what if it doesn't work or what if right? There's safety in that. So there it's just fascinating, and I could talk about it for hours. But um, I do because I'm I've pivoted several times in midlife, and so many, that's kind of what we're talking about, right? Is just how oftentimes we do pivot, whether it be like divorce, whether it be getting a new job, a promotion, building a business, you know, having a conversation, whatever it is, picking up a new hobby. Um, we're pivoting sometimes, right? Because our identity changes. So you kind of had a similar, you had
Losing A Dream Job And Pivoting
SPEAKER_00a big pivot. You left the life coach school after pivot. Yeah. How what what was that like as far as just, you know, your identity and emotionally and all of that, if you don't mind talking about it?
SPEAKER_03No, of course not. Of course not. So, I mean, I came into coaching back in 2015 or so. I started coaching people and got certified and master coach certified, and then I got my dream job at the life coach school, um, working on the executive team and running the certification programs for just beginner coaches all the way through master coach, certified level. I also hired all of the instructors for the school and all of the coaches that worked there. I mean, I was managing like 200 contractors, thousands and thousands of students, dream job, dream job. And then the founder wanted to change the direction of her company as she gets to, and I was without a job. And I felt like I would have been there as long as she would have had me. I was gonna, I was planning on being there, and so it was devastating. My nervous system was completely rocked. It was, and I grieved, I was so sad because I just loved my job and the people I worked with so much. The greatest lesson coming out of that though, the pivot was I carried an identity in that role, which enabled me to be an amazing employee. And it was, I didn't get the entrepreneurial gene. That was my idea.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, like I'm not, I'm not, I'm not that business-y, I'm not that smart, I I'm not an entrepreneur. That thought, that thought, that identity made me a phenomenal employee. Loyal, devoted, was gonna be there forever. Then I find myself without a job in this pivot, and I was like, I cannot still inhabit that identity because I don't want to go work for someone else. I never want to be at the mercy of someone else's. I'm gonna open, I'm gonna close, I'm not gonna do this anymore. So I had to go to work immediately on changing my identity to I am an entrepreneur, I am really good at business, and I am so smart. I didn't believe any of those things. Literally did not believe them. But slowly and but surely, it was like I had no choice. I was like, I am gonna teach myself how to believe this about myself. And I did exactly what you've been talking about all these weeks on your podcast. Okay, face plant, fail, try this, try that, face pant, fail, start, stop. It was like, but you know what? I believe all of those things now without a shadow of a doubt.
SPEAKER_00That's amazing. So were you were there times that you wanted to give up?
SPEAKER_03Oh, I want to quit every Thursday, every single Thursday without fail. I'm done. I want to quit. So now I know, oh yeah, it's Thursday. I'm I've sprinted Monday through Wednesday. I'm I've accomplished so much, I've taken so many risks, I've been courageous all week. By Thursday, I just need to have a super light day. I need to not make it mean anything that I want to quit. So I usually read a great book, do a lot of walking, make plans with friends. I mean, a year ago, I was bawling my eyes out and calling my coach. I was like, oh, you need to quit. This is so hard. But now I'm like, it's Thursday. Of course I want to quit.
SPEAKER_00Yes. And that is so because I had a very similar experience, not so much in um the entrepreneurial mindset, but I every time as you know, I was shifting my business and shifting who I was speaking to and all of that, basically starting again. And I, as I was trying to figure it out, I'd come up with an idea and I was like, this, yes, yeah, this is who I'm meant to serve. I am meant to help midlife women build digital businesses. That's exactly what it is. And then a day or two later, I'd be like, that is not what it is. And I am terrible. And what am I thinking? And do I, you know, the whole the depths, right? And it happened enough times that when I got to this point where I was like, no, I want to show and teach midlife women that they are not done yet. The exact thing happened where I was like, I plummeted. And I was like, Of course. No, this is not it. And then I remembered, wait, no, this is this is kind of your MO. This is what happens. Yes. And it was in that moment where I was like, okay, it lost its power. And I think I had to go through all those other times of coming up with these ideas and then, you know, be devastated when I realized that wasn't what it is to recognize that that's just the process. And because I I'm, you know, I just had to navigate that and I expected it. And so that's so powerful that now, like just the recognition that that's part of the process.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I love that you shared that. I love that you shared that. That's so brilliant. It's like, it's like we're on to ourselves. It's like, here's the part I get really excited. Yes. Then here's the part where my brain rips it to shreds, yes, tells me it's a terrible idea, and then here's the part where I just get back to work and I do it anyway. And it's like, yes, oh, you have so much more control over your life, what you produce, instead of like, my brain knows best. I guess I'm quite now. Yeah, it's just this is just what I do. And yeah, exactly. I'm a such and such person. Like I have terrible follow-through, I don't have any good ideas. It's like that's where the labels start coming. And it's like, oh no, how can how can we teach more women to interrupt before they start pathologizing themselves? And it's just like, oh no, oh, this is my brain doing this weird thing that it does every time I take a new chance on something.
SPEAKER_00It's so true, so true. Oh my gosh. Okay, so let's go back. Let me just we're gonna bring it back full circle.
What She Needed Then And Now
SPEAKER_00So that that thought, that feeling that you had 15 years, I think it was 15 years ago. I don't yeah, I don't know, but when you were like, wait a second, now I have to put my face on, like I have to pretend. And what what would be one question you wish or or one thing that someone would have asked you or told you that version of yourself 15 years ago?
SPEAKER_03So I'm at the top of the stairs.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you're at the top of the stairs, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Oh gosh, I think it would be something like um, it's safe to tell me what you really feel. Because that's what I realized was missing at that time in my life. I mean, I was physically safe for sure, for sure, for sure, but I did not feel emotionally safe to express what was true for me. I did I so, and maybe that language wouldn't have resonated with my 15-year-ago self, but I think that's what I was craving most was safety to express my my real lived experience and that it could be seen, heard, and validated. Yes, yes, right. So I think in saying that to you, it's like um super touching because that's if I do that for one person in my life, like that's why I'm meant to be here. It's like you know, I want to see you, hear you, and validate your lived experience. And if it helps you connect with what you most want, then I I that is a great life for me to live.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that is so beautiful and so powerful. And I know that that resonates with someone who's listening because that is you are safe and you are allowed to feel the things that you're feeling, and you are allowed to step into something that you want. Oh my gosh, Katie, thank you so much. You are amazing. And I feel like we're we're besties. I just want you in my life, right? Like I'm sure the listeners are feeling that too. Like, just you have this just beautiful energy. Where can people find you? Because I know they're gonna want to find you, and y'all, I'm gonna tell you straight up, you need to go to her Substack. You need to go to her Substack. It's like a warm, cozy feeling. I know that sounds bizarre when I'm describing Substack, but that's exactly what it feels like. But where else can people find you?
SPEAKER_03Um, okay, so my website is Katie Pulsifercoaching.com. And I have information there about working with me one-on-one and my certification where I train women to use coaching skills either like I do or in their leadership roles or um there even in their family life. So, and then I have a quiz there that might be interesting to your listeners too, where it's called a get unstuck quiz. It's a couple of simple questions, but I review the results personally and then I record a voice memo and share it back with like what my observations are and a suggestion of one thing you could do that might make your week a little bit better. So if you're interested in that, you can sign up. And my Where What's the link for that?
SPEAKER_00It's just it's on the it's on the website. It's okay. I don't know. We'll put it in the notes. That's fine.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's just right there on the home page. Okay, and then my sub stack is under my name, and but it's also called You Are Golden is the name of my Substack. So my God.
SPEAKER_00Katie, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. This has been so good, so good. You're amazing. You guys definitely have to go find her. Go do that quiz because I mean I do it too. Um, and thank you again for being here.
SPEAKER_03Oh, my pleasure. I'm pleased to keep putting your beautiful work in the world. I am just so excited for you.
SPEAKER_00That's like the encouragement that I didn't know I needed today. So absolutely. We're gonna have you back here, Katie. Thank you again. Have an amazing rest of the week, my friend. Until next time.